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* Posts by Natalie Gritpants

414 posts • joined 9 May 2007

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Smart Fortwo Electric Drive e-car

Natalie Gritpants
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Not funny

You're moving half a ton of metal silently, you'd better make sure you can stop or they notice you somehow.

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Sandi Toksvig puts the 'n' into cuts - on the Beeb

Natalie Gritpants
Coat

"That word is way out in front"

Doesn't know his biology - way out in front is cock

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Gordon Ramsay menaced by enormous TURKEY

Natalie Gritpants
WTF?

Wooton Dusset ???!!!?!?!?!!?

Come on if you're going to make up English village names at least make them suggestive.

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Designer punts ultimate customisable keyboard

Natalie Gritpants

Help

My darling daughter has figured this keyboard out and all I have now is four giant keys: P, O, N and I. They cover everything including the "arrange" button and I can't get it back.

Posted from my Iphone.

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VIA double stuffs x64 clone chips

Natalie Gritpants
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I used to be a VIA fan

back in the days when they were the only way to get a fanless system to play MPEG2 but they have dropped the ball too many times for me to like them anymore:

* Rubbish opensource support.

* Vapourware announcements .

* Slow IA32 exection.

And now I'm using an ASUS AT3IONT-I to drive my TV, it does H.264 at 1080p60 with real de-interlacing.

So this is 23% better power? - not if you can't buy it yet.

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Panasonic DMP-BDT310 Blu-ray player

Natalie Gritpants

Sounds like junk

If you think that UI is razor sharp you must be a beardy. Transparency is bollocks as your screen grab shows, even the huge word "Thor" is hard to read and the visible bits of people confuse the UI. Making 2D into 3D on the fly is just stupid as your review shows, So it's a blu ray player - so what?

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Citroën lifts lid on looming diesel hybrid

Natalie Gritpants
WTF?

That's not four wheel drive

Good luck trying to get out of a muddy field.

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Wii 2 announcement in June

Natalie Gritpants
Thumb Up

And there was me thinking about buying one

Seriously late adopter, but we just borrowed one for Wii fit after an ankle injury and will buy one when the lenders return. Now we'll wait.

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Viking Modular plugs flash chips into memory sockets

Natalie Gritpants
Boffin

RTFA you nutters

It's just using the DIMM socket for power and mechanical mounting. Nice if you are tight on space and have spare DIMM slots.

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MYSTERY of huge Canadian chicken-shed EXPLOSION

Natalie Gritpants
Headmaster

"used to be part of the landscape"

"It was like somebody chopped it up into little pieces and just flung it everywhere,"

Surely that means it is still part of the landscape?

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H2O water-powered shower radio

Natalie Gritpants
Big Brother

Don't forget the water regulations

The picture on the first page shows that the shower head will now hang a couple of inches lower. If the shower had been fitted correctly it would not be possible for the head to end up in water and now it can.

You should also add the cost of getting it fitted by a plumber as well, probably greater than the cost of batteries over the lifetime of a normal radio (environmentally and fiscal).

One more thing, you should add some sort of strain relief on the hose side if you want it to last.

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W**k-O-Meter

Natalie Gritpants
Happy

A few improvements

Ditch the accelerometers and use the capacitive sensor to measure area coverage, they're wipe clean aren't they? Could do with a nice picture of Natalie Imbruglio for encouragement. Will it run on an iPad?

The next gen phones with force measurement could also give you a report on your jiz momentum.

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Welsh baby-kisser's tweet sets him back £53k

Natalie Gritpants

£50k paid by the wrong-doer

If you're 100% certain of winning you don't need to worry about the legal fees. This was one of those cases. The libeler should have settled.

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Giant 5-year-mission aerial wing-ship to fly in 2011

Natalie Gritpants
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Runways

Plenty of runways are over 400' long. This thing should be able to take off going across rather than along.

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Anti-religious campaigners smack down census Jedis

Natalie Gritpants

I really am a Jedi

No, really I am but what can I do? I get lumped in with hundreds of pasty wimps that don't represent my views at all. I think I'll tick Jew since it contains some similar letters and circumcision hurts like having a mishap with a light sabre.

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BBC to take cautious approach to 3D 'hype'

Natalie Gritpants
Stop

Would rather have HD.

I rarely watch TV with my eyes horizontal so I don't want 3D, I would rather use the bandwidth to have more channels in HD.

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O2 tries to explain its new prudish nature

Natalie Gritpants
WTF?

ADSL?

Surely they already have your bank details, phone number, address and email or have I missed the launch of a new PAYG ADSL service?

Even dial-up only works on a paid for phone line and kids can't rent them either.

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Ex-PM blocked Steve Jobs knighthood

Natalie Gritpants

Linus not giving to charity

OK so maybe no money, but he's given away everything he's ever written to everyone. He's probably the reason that Microsoft has cut the prices it charges to poor nations for its software. I think that counts as helping the world. BillG has given away 100% of his output? I don't think so.

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Flying dildo downs Oz stag party bloke

Natalie Gritpants
WTF?

"I wonder if they conduct tours?"

Tours of what? I doubt there would be room for you and a guide. It's not going to be Wookey Hole.

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Texting teenager plunges to his death

Natalie Gritpants
Thumb Up

Handy hint

You're 1.96m tall and 120kg, you are confronted by a herd of 1.5m tall and high teenagers. I suggest you pick one up and dangle it over the edge, that should calm the others down. If it doesn't simply drop the first one and move on to the next.

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Microsoft lands big handbag on Google's copy kisser

Natalie Gritpants
WTF?

You know you're delaing with a really cross idiot

When they end a sentence with ". Period. Full stop." unless that's Microsoft's dodgy internationalization software at work.

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Duke Nukem Forever release date revealed

Natalie Gritpants
WTF?

SFW

What's your problem? The guy in the thong or the horrible choice of tartan.

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Apple tightens screws on hardware hackers

Natalie Gritpants
Grenade

I laugh at your puny attempts to defy me

and then reach for the right sized flat-blade and small hammer.

Yes I do, and it works. Most screws are soft enough that you can wedge a sharp blade in and then undo and replace with something nicer.

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Sony Ericsson sues over Clearwire swirl

Natalie Gritpants
Boffin

This is what you get from style boutiques

All your logos are belong to the swirl. And they all look alike and have nothing to do with your company. If SonyEricsson's logo was an imaginative blend of S and E this would not have happened and it might be more recognized.

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National Identity Card holding chumps have buyer's remorse

Natalie Gritpants
WTF?

£20m!!!

Surely all those 30000 people are on the database and so their name and address have been verified. Just post a cheque for £30 to each one. job done for less than £1m

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iPad media apps: Stealthed hobbits thwart Google's flaming Eye

Natalie Gritpants
FAIL

WW means world wide

There's a difference between the internet and the www. the world wide web is the killer app that made the internet popular. I'm sure these platform specific closed apps look attractive to media publishing companies because they enable more control than the www but they also lack the world-wide aspect.

What next? Some bright spark comes up with cross platform apps?

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Unfeasibly vast amphibian found croaked on video card

Natalie Gritpants

Getting in was easy

It simply pressed the cdrom button, jumped on board and went for a ride.

Once inside it realized it had forgotten the USB to serial port adapter so it couldn't log in with it's smartphone.

Once it had finished eating all the bugs and spiders inside it croaked.

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This year's comedy Xmas No. 1 contender: Silent song 4'33"

Natalie Gritpants
WTF?

How is this going to hurt Simon Cowell?

The X-factor single won't sell any less, the customers are completely separate. Who knows? the X-factor single may sell even more since the fans might be annoyed at the annoyed-at-X-Factor brigade.

Mind you it's probably going to be the best work from Billy Brag and Pete Doherty ever!

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BBC One HD to go live tonight

Natalie Gritpants

Freeview and Freesat on channels 108 and 50, respectively!!!

I hope their upscaler is not the same as ITV's. My TV does a better job of suppressing the deinterlacing artefacts than theirs.

Can't wait for Strictly in HD, SD Freeview does very badly when the camera whizzes at the same time as the lighting is going mad.

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Rooney exits Man U with a few choice words

Natalie Gritpants
WTF?

Bigger screenshot please

You cut the advert in the bottom right off just at the wrong point. Perfect what?? From the picture it looks like sodomy but I don't think that's likely on Fox Sports.

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Huge jobs loss to follow public sector cuts

Natalie Gritpants

Accountants can't do maths

£46,000,000,000 savings for losing 500,000 jobs means a saving of £92,000 per job loss. Sounds like a bargain even if they all end up on jobseekers allowance.

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Logitech unveils first Google TV box

Natalie Gritpants

Not good value

For £100 pounds more you can get a Sony 32" Freeview HD TV that does all of the above, plus does Freeview, Freeview HD and includes a nice HD screen. OK, it doesn't have a keyboard.

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Video vigilante site emerges from legal battles

Natalie Gritpants
WTF?

Get back £1.50 for 60 hours

How does that fit in with the minimum wage?

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The 500 year archive

Natalie Gritpants

If you want jaw-dropping impact

I humbly suggest goat.se

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Google ordered to pay out for automated defamation

Natalie Gritpants
Coat

Happens to lots of people

Get over it.

Yours faithfully,

Ian Adequate

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Paris brushes off Japanese ejection over coke bust

Natalie Gritpants

xoxo ???

Ejected for failing to know how to play naughts and crosses.

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Stallman storms in on Oz software patent conflab

Natalie Gritpants

Rude and ungramatical

The placard should have read "Don't get caught in software patents, you thickets".

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Mobile phones for minimalists

Natalie Gritpants

If you want to appeal to the oldies

better make the volume switch go Loud, Louder, Deafening

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Flaming work laptop toasts cottage

Natalie Gritpants
Boffin

Note to support staff

If someone's laptop has overheated tell them to take it outside to cool down.

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Happiness: Yours for £50k a year

Natalie Gritpants

https://secure.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/wiki/Household_income_in_the_United_States

$75k puts you comfortably in the top end so it's not surprising that you're happy. Beyond that and you probably don't mix with enough poor people to stay grounded.

Can we have a "well, duh" icon?

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Twitpic pulls 50 Cent bum burger snap

Natalie Gritpants

Getting shot nie times does not give you street cred

Getting shot at without getting hit might, but even better is having enough intelligence to not be around idiots with guns.

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Natalie Gritpants

title

Add your own mayo

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Holiday snaps? Er, no - criminal porn

Natalie Gritpants

I may not be Poirot

but I can guarantee that his missing son wasn't inside the PC.

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Iron-on armpit BO stench-filters 'ideal for modern lifestyle'

Natalie Gritpants
FAIL

Not thought this through have you?

The smelliest people don't own irons.

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Energy-saving LEDs 'will not save energy', say boffins

Natalie Gritpants
Thumb Up

Re: Ten times more light

3D TV glasses do cut out some light so brighter lights will enable you to keep them on when you make a cup of tea. Plus any fule kno wearing sunglasses indoors is cool.

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Pay-off or lay-off: HP calls on 700 staff to heed redundo plea

Natalie Gritpants

WTF is bestshore?

I can only guess it's what happens to your jobs when, not only are the people in India cheaper than you, they are better too.

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SanDisk launches Cruzer Blade USB thumblet drive

Natalie Gritpants

Review Fail! - Can't go smaller

Of course they can, the limiting factor is the USB connector (there's room in there to put the chips). You will have to remember to tie a piece of string to it if you don't want to use pliers to extract it though (just like certain products for women)

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Withings Wi-Fi bathroom scales

Natalie Gritpants
FAIL

Stand on one leg!

Waste of space. Your height does not change so all you need to remember is your weight to get your BMI. And your weight doesn't change much so remembering is easy. (Hint - it's probably the same as yesterday or maybe a bit more, never less). Once you move to remembering your weight you can type that in to any number of free computer/internet/iphone programs to track your increasing weight. Then you only need a cheap pair of analogue scales that don't require you to log in by hopping your user id in morse.

Alternatively jump up and down naked in front of a close friend and ask them if you wobble in the wrong places.

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Did ID card applications surge after scheme was scrapped?

Natalie Gritpants
Thumb Up

Antiques roadshow 2110

or flogging off as fake id.

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UK.gov unplugs Lane Fox digiquango

Natalie Gritpants

"Given a more roving role"

Is that a euphemism for being shown the door?

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