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* Posts by Natalie Gritpants

390 posts • joined 9 May 2007

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Man builds gadget to silence annoying TV pundits

Natalie Gritpants
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90% flawlessly

Not sure you realize how bad that sounds.

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Average sozzled Brit sinks 5,800 pints during life

Natalie Gritpants
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WTF?

Why do you even need to do a survey

Surely you just divide the output of the drinks industry by the size of the drinking population.

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HP chief bows to Jobsian cult

Natalie Gritpants
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Definite pseud

Thanks for the memories that word brought back.

I think he means gizmos are subject to the vagaries of fashion and HP are not fashionable. - worthy of a NoShitSherlock icon.

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Fort Knox military cops disgusted with solar patrol carts

Natalie Gritpants
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It's approximately one Fort Knox

See title.

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Natalie Gritpants
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> United States Mint Police, who are equipped with bicycles

They are also equipped with a handy army base complete with soldiers, guns and helicopters etc.

I don't imagine they are going to have a problem with looters any time soon.

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TalkTalk, Tiscali fined £3m in bogus billing smackdown

Natalie Gritpants
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So can I sue the blood-sucking ambulance chasers they set on me

after they tried to bill me for services after I had left?

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Explaining the Chocolate Factory's Patent Panic

Natalie Gritpants
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Headmaster

As taught to me by my Grandmother

Two beans and a bean; a bean and a half; and half a bean

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Sony prices up PlayStation telly for UK

Natalie Gritpants
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WTF?

Holy CRT Batman!

See title

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Google plus Google Plus: You give us info, we sell it!

Natalie Gritpants
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Happy

I've got 1 fake out of 1 attempt so far.

Or do you really think my name is Aaron Aardvark?

Kind regards,

Barry Biscuit. (next months ID)

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iLuv iPad 2 case and Bluetooth keyboard

Natalie Gritpants
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WTF?

Turn your Ipad into a laptop

And have two batteries to worry about.

While on the subject of worries: padding usually makes a good thermal insulator as does the glass screen. How does the heat from inside the iPad get out? Did you check the temperature is gets too when playing video / minting bitcoins?

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DARPA drops another HTV-2

Natalie Gritpants
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It is rocket science

The R in DARPA stands for research, that means things won't be predictable. This is how we make progress or are we all so old we have forgotten that we had to learn what we know.

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Bankers plot telco bypass for payments

Natalie Gritpants
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WTF?

I'd prefer NFC outside my phone.

Why does this have to be in a phone or use the phone network. I'd like a little tag on my keyring that works when I've driven to a cream-tea shop in Cornwall with no mobile coverage.

Out of the two things that you always take when going out, which one always works? Your keys or your phone?

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Lightning strikes cloud: Amazon, MS downed

Natalie Gritpants
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Is this ironic?

All these cloud service providers felled by something that came out of a cloud?

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Samsung Galaxy Tab 10.1

Natalie Gritpants
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One handed

I find that with the right website I only ever need to 20 seconds of one handed holding.

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Twitter-control botnet mines Bitcoins

Natalie Gritpants
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WTF?

Is this a bad thing?

So you've left your machine connected to the internet and some use is made of it to benefit someone. Sounds just like SETI but without the hassle of installing it. If you actually need the CPU cycles you will notice it and remove it surely?

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Truck nuts swing onto US freedom of speech agenda

Natalie Gritpants
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Those are my bollox!

I claim copyright even though they are scaled down by about 50%.

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World first: UK boffins print out working 3D aeroplane

Natalie Gritpants
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I guess the leave the unsintered powder around to support the layer above.

Otherwise this would only be good for making pyramids and bricks.

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Google erects Colombian 'g.co' URL shortener for Google+

Natalie Gritpants
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Twitter should talk to someone in Italy

I'm sure the t.it domain is available.

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Google muzzles political dissidents with YouTube ID tweaks

Natalie Gritpants
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And this month Mathew, my real name is Aaron Aardavrk

Yes it really is, well at least it was when I cleared out my Google cookies and set up a new account. Since then my real name has reverted back to what it was before. Next month I think I'll be Barry Bignob for a few minutes.

Here in the UK your real name is what you chose it to be and you don't have to go through any hoops for it to be so. It may be illegal to drive if you don't update your driving license, and you should inform the taxman etc but you can call yourself anything you want at any moment.

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Bug-Byte Manic Miner

Natalie Gritpants
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Please do Chuckie Egg

Or tell me where to get hold of it again.

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Volvo S60 DRIVe

Natalie Gritpants
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WTF?

So now it's OK to drink (coffee) and drive.

And by the looks of the video it's OK to stare out of the side windows while driving around busy urban streets. And that's some serious smearing when the wipers operate, pretty bad for a new car.

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Ofcom slaps Channel 5 for loud PlayStation ads

Natalie Gritpants
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Please Ofcom mandate some signalling around breaks

I don't care how you do it (mpeg stream meta-data, blank video frames, beeps, subtitles). Then I can program MythTV to cut them all out.

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Moderatrix kisses the Reg goodbye

Natalie Gritpants
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Left handed eh?

That explains a lot.

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Google in preemptive strike on Microsoft Office 365

Natalie Gritpants
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I just don't trust this bloke

Can't put my finger on it, prolly the backstory, but he just comes across as a motormouth more suited to a car showroom.

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Dam Busters dog dubbed 'Digger'

Natalie Gritpants
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In the interests of inclusivity

they should rename the dog "Cunt", then we can all be offended.

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Pirate-bothering ACS:Law lawyer goes bankrupt

Natalie Gritpants
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WTF?

Maths

ACS:Law was fined £200,000 but it was reduced to £1,000 because it had ceased trading. Yet here we find Andrew Crossley has a house worth £700,000 and he had gone bankrupt. I would have thought he could sell the house to pay the fine and still have £500,000.

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Smart Fortwo Electric Drive e-car

Natalie Gritpants
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Not funny

You're moving half a ton of metal silently, you'd better make sure you can stop or they notice you somehow.

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Sandi Toksvig puts the 'n' into cuts - on the Beeb

Natalie Gritpants
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Coat

"That word is way out in front"

Doesn't know his biology - way out in front is cock

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Gordon Ramsay menaced by enormous TURKEY

Natalie Gritpants
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WTF?

Wooton Dusset ???!!!?!?!?!!?

Come on if you're going to make up English village names at least make them suggestive.

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Designer punts ultimate customisable keyboard

Natalie Gritpants
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Help

My darling daughter has figured this keyboard out and all I have now is four giant keys: P, O, N and I. They cover everything including the "arrange" button and I can't get it back.

Posted from my Iphone.

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VIA double stuffs x64 clone chips

Natalie Gritpants
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I used to be a VIA fan

back in the days when they were the only way to get a fanless system to play MPEG2 but they have dropped the ball too many times for me to like them anymore:

* Rubbish opensource support.

* Vapourware announcements .

* Slow IA32 exection.

And now I'm using an ASUS AT3IONT-I to drive my TV, it does H.264 at 1080p60 with real de-interlacing.

So this is 23% better power? - not if you can't buy it yet.

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Panasonic DMP-BDT310 Blu-ray player

Natalie Gritpants
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Sounds like junk

If you think that UI is razor sharp you must be a beardy. Transparency is bollocks as your screen grab shows, even the huge word "Thor" is hard to read and the visible bits of people confuse the UI. Making 2D into 3D on the fly is just stupid as your review shows, So it's a blu ray player - so what?

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Citroën lifts lid on looming diesel hybrid

Natalie Gritpants
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WTF?

That's not four wheel drive

Good luck trying to get out of a muddy field.

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Wii 2 announcement in June

Natalie Gritpants
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And there was me thinking about buying one

Seriously late adopter, but we just borrowed one for Wii fit after an ankle injury and will buy one when the lenders return. Now we'll wait.

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Viking Modular plugs flash chips into memory sockets

Natalie Gritpants
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Boffin

RTFA you nutters

It's just using the DIMM socket for power and mechanical mounting. Nice if you are tight on space and have spare DIMM slots.

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MYSTERY of huge Canadian chicken-shed EXPLOSION

Natalie Gritpants
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Headmaster

"used to be part of the landscape"

"It was like somebody chopped it up into little pieces and just flung it everywhere,"

Surely that means it is still part of the landscape?

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H2O water-powered shower radio

Natalie Gritpants
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Big Brother

Don't forget the water regulations

The picture on the first page shows that the shower head will now hang a couple of inches lower. If the shower had been fitted correctly it would not be possible for the head to end up in water and now it can.

You should also add the cost of getting it fitted by a plumber as well, probably greater than the cost of batteries over the lifetime of a normal radio (environmentally and fiscal).

One more thing, you should add some sort of strain relief on the hose side if you want it to last.

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W**k-O-Meter

Natalie Gritpants
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Happy

A few improvements

Ditch the accelerometers and use the capacitive sensor to measure area coverage, they're wipe clean aren't they? Could do with a nice picture of Natalie Imbruglio for encouragement. Will it run on an iPad?

The next gen phones with force measurement could also give you a report on your jiz momentum.

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Welsh baby-kisser's tweet sets him back £53k

Natalie Gritpants
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£50k paid by the wrong-doer

If you're 100% certain of winning you don't need to worry about the legal fees. This was one of those cases. The libeler should have settled.

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Giant 5-year-mission aerial wing-ship to fly in 2011

Natalie Gritpants
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Runways

Plenty of runways are over 400' long. This thing should be able to take off going across rather than along.

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Anti-religious campaigners smack down census Jedis

Natalie Gritpants
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I really am a Jedi

No, really I am but what can I do? I get lumped in with hundreds of pasty wimps that don't represent my views at all. I think I'll tick Jew since it contains some similar letters and circumcision hurts like having a mishap with a light sabre.

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BBC to take cautious approach to 3D 'hype'

Natalie Gritpants
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Stop

Would rather have HD.

I rarely watch TV with my eyes horizontal so I don't want 3D, I would rather use the bandwidth to have more channels in HD.

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O2 tries to explain its new prudish nature

Natalie Gritpants
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WTF?

ADSL?

Surely they already have your bank details, phone number, address and email or have I missed the launch of a new PAYG ADSL service?

Even dial-up only works on a paid for phone line and kids can't rent them either.

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Ex-PM blocked Steve Jobs knighthood

Natalie Gritpants
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Linus not giving to charity

OK so maybe no money, but he's given away everything he's ever written to everyone. He's probably the reason that Microsoft has cut the prices it charges to poor nations for its software. I think that counts as helping the world. BillG has given away 100% of his output? I don't think so.

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Flying dildo downs Oz stag party bloke

Natalie Gritpants
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WTF?

"I wonder if they conduct tours?"

Tours of what? I doubt there would be room for you and a guide. It's not going to be Wookey Hole.

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Texting teenager plunges to his death

Natalie Gritpants
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Handy hint

You're 1.96m tall and 120kg, you are confronted by a herd of 1.5m tall and high teenagers. I suggest you pick one up and dangle it over the edge, that should calm the others down. If it doesn't simply drop the first one and move on to the next.

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Microsoft lands big handbag on Google's copy kisser

Natalie Gritpants
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WTF?

You know you're delaing with a really cross idiot

When they end a sentence with ". Period. Full stop." unless that's Microsoft's dodgy internationalization software at work.

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Duke Nukem Forever release date revealed

Natalie Gritpants
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WTF?

SFW

What's your problem? The guy in the thong or the horrible choice of tartan.

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Apple tightens screws on hardware hackers

Natalie Gritpants
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Grenade

I laugh at your puny attempts to defy me

and then reach for the right sized flat-blade and small hammer.

Yes I do, and it works. Most screws are soft enough that you can wedge a sharp blade in and then undo and replace with something nicer.

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Sony Ericsson sues over Clearwire swirl

Natalie Gritpants
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Boffin

This is what you get from style boutiques

All your logos are belong to the swirl. And they all look alike and have nothing to do with your company. If SonyEricsson's logo was an imaginative blend of S and E this would not have happened and it might be more recognized.

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