* Posts by Natalie Gritpants

500 posts • joined 9 May 2007

Page:

Revealed: The true horror of being a big CEO

Natalie Gritpants

Up at 4:30, neither eats nor drinks

He'll be so dehydrated and sleep deprived it is a good thing he only concentrates on sales and operations, imaging the damage if he was in charge of product design.

6
0

Lethal 4-hour-erection-causing spiders spill out of bunch of ASDA bananas

Natalie Gritpants

Re: OK time for some logic-based thinking...

Traffic deaths are decreasing: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Reported_Road_Casualties_Great_Britain#/media/File:Killed_on_British_Roads.png and that's with traffic and population increasing. Must be all those speed cameras :-) or could it be Kevlar brake pads, radial tyres, jelly-mold car fronts and better road design?

0
0

British Gas wins pre-paid smart meter patent lawsuit

Natalie Gritpants

Patent values

Interesting how the value of the patent varied so much, just goes to show that value is speculative until the item is sold (or scrapped for zero as this was). There must have been some Dr Evil moments in the board room as they came up with this.

1
0

Ofcom punts network-sniffing Android app

Natalie Gritpants

It's called "Ofcom Mobile Research"

0
0

She cannae take it, Captain Kirk! USS Zumwalt breaks down

Natalie Gritpants

Re: Displaced, by gad.

Understandable, fishing weights are damn sexy.

2
0

Three outsources staff to Capita

Natalie Gritpants

£155k per body

The vampires at Capita must be hungry if they'll pay that much.

5
0

Spoiler alert: What Oracle is going to announce today

Natalie Gritpants

I came here expecting some droll comments

but it seems like the article is not satire. My mistake.

0
0

Swedish appeals court upholds arrest warrant for Julian Assange

Natalie Gritpants

If he is ever dissapeared

no one will care, just assume it's yet more publicity seeking

16
4

Great British Great Bake Off gets new judge

Natalie Gritpants

From a week or so ago

"Could you hold my jugs"

"Let's all eat the carpet"

15
0

WhatsApp, Apple and a hidden source code F-bomb: THE TRUTH

Natalie Gritpants

So many dicks in this comment section

All of them convinced they will never have to debug their code because they write it "correctly".

13
0

Hollywood offers Daniel Craig $150m to (slash wrists) play James Bond

Natalie Gritpants

Gina Carano

Frightened me in Haywire

7
0

Our pacemakers are totally secure, says short-sold St Jude

Natalie Gritpants

Who wins, who loses?

Some shareholders have sold at lower than they would have - losers

The short selling parasites have made some money - winners

Medsec have blown their reputation for a scummy deal - total losers

10
0

Having offended everyone else in the world, Linus Torvalds calls own lawyers a 'nasty festering disease'

Natalie Gritpants

Re: So, to sum up...

Wasps taught humans how to make cheap paper, they get a free ride forever for that.

3
1

HMRC's IR35 tweaks have 90% of UK's IT contractors up in arms

Natalie Gritpants

This is for contractors to public sector emplyees

so basically any tax paid by the contractor is a refund on what the taxpayer pays them. It really doesn't matter how you figure out the intermediate numbers the only thing is the take home pay of the contractor comes from the taxpayer. If this forces the contractors to raise rates to maintain their take home pay then the whole thing is for nothing.

0
0
Natalie Gritpants

Re: Why only IT?

only tax stupid people? Yes, there are a lot of them and they don't fight back.

0
0

Tesla autopilot driver 'was speeding' moments before death – prelim report

Natalie Gritpants

Re: Bar none

No need to ban white trucks just ban matching sides and tyres. The lorry in question has big black tyres, no sure how the car sensors missed them. Pretty sure the victim missed them because he wasn't looking.

4
0

Cats, dogs starve as web-connected chow chute PetNet plays dead

Natalie Gritpants

Re: Another negative for IoT

No doubt there is a processor of some sorts in there. It's program hasn't been designed well. personally I'd have it keep the schedule locally but allow remote updates and a time sync service in case the power goes off. Oh and a motion activated so the internets can see which of the neighbours cats is in your kitchen.

9
0

Yahoo! She said yes. Verizon confirms $4.8bn acquisition

Natalie Gritpants

Re: Dear Ms Marissa Meyer

Think she changed the font, or the angle of the !

Either way a fine piece of work and worth every penny to Verizon.

4
0

Seagate in 10TB drive brand brainstorm

Natalie Gritpants

---

Should have gone with Baccaruda

2
1

GMB tests Uber 'self-employed drivers' claim at London tribunal

Natalie Gritpants

Re: SIC 62090 - Other information technology service activities

The flat rate scheme is based on turnover.

0
0

Blighty's Coastguard goes into battle against waterborne Pokemon

Natalie Gritpants

They are on Weston-super-Mare beach

You know, the one with the massive tidal range with waist deep sticky mud exposed at low tide. I'm sure it is a place of interest as several people have died after trying to walk to the water at low tide. If you get stuck and are noticed you may survive as the local coast guard now has a hovercraft but you will have to wait for the water to get deep enough for them to lift you out.

1
0

Botnet-powered ballot stuffing suspected in 2nd referendum petition

Natalie Gritpants

useful jargon

It's called a neverendum. The Irish only escaped theirs by voting the way the government wanted them to.

21
1

Late night smartphone use makes women go blind

Natalie Gritpants

Can't use both eyes

When I lie on my side the fluffy pillow blocks the bottom eye. If I kept it open it would hurt.

4
1

Wales gives anti-vaping Blockleiters a Big Red Panic Button

Natalie Gritpants

No need for a vegan button

Just hit the vegan, they'll take a week to get upright so no risk of a confrontation.

6
2

Swiss effectively disappear Alps: World's largest tunnel opens

Natalie Gritpants

Re: Swiss efficiency

It is under a mountain i.e. nobody's back yard.

2
0

One ad-free day: Three UK to block adverts across network in June

Natalie Gritpants

Well, if the blocking is by a large operator they are going to notice a massive drop in traffic and probably back down.

5
0

BBC post-Savile culture change means staff can 'speak truth to power'

Natalie Gritpants

Not sure I want MyBBC

Sure you can't categorize the internet like Alta-Vista used to and so we have Google et al inveigling themselves into your life to give you the kitten videos you want.

But the BBC's material is not so vast that it can't be categorized. If I want celebrity bell ringing competitions I'll know where to look.

Also if they just open the website to the robots Google will probably do a better job of finding relevant stuff for free.

There, saved you £75m. I'll have my pound back please.

13
1

Radiohead vid prompts Trumpton rumpus

Natalie Gritpants

Re: Drunk on cider in charge of a windmill

And it wasn't Britt Ekland

5
0

Reduced roaming charges, net neutrality come into force in EU

Natalie Gritpants

Re: Bloody EU!

Sorry, lost all ability to concentrate at Italian girlfriend

16
0

Ex-HP boss Carly Fiorina sacked one week into new job

Natalie Gritpants

Question for language geeks

Can you foreclose a path?

0
0

It's World IP Day! Celebrate by making money from a dead teenager

Natalie Gritpants

Not to be picky but Anne Frank didn't have any descendants or dependants when she died. If she hadn't died the diary may not have been published or may not have made any money.

4
0

US bus passenger cracks one off for three hours

Natalie Gritpants

Re: The IT angle?

Is that you bro?

0
0

Google tried to be funny, cocked it up, everyone thought it was a bug

Natalie Gritpants

Beware your pranks getting used against you

I once replaced the PASS and FAIL banners on a production line tester with YIPPEE and WHOOPS thinking that everyone would be mightily amused. I got in at 10am on the 1st to find that the operators had taken one look at it and had sat in the coffee area pretending to not understand what was going on - from 6am.

After that spanking I restricted myself to remotely switching on the vacuum solenoids as they were walking by, much less traceable.

4
0

Here's a great idea: Let's make a gun that looks like a mobile phone

Natalie Gritpants

Re: "Absolutely no one can make sense of the United States' infatuation with firearms."

Just listened to a "Crossing Continents" podcast on Romanian shepherds. They have the same issues but they use dogs to fight off the wildlife (including bears). No reported cases of drive by chewings.

8
0

Californian tycoons stole my sharing economy, says Lily Cole

Natalie Gritpants

Not sure about the tomato

but give me a drill, a mile of road and an hour of boredom and I could probably do something quite funny.

13
0

Brit firm unleashes drone-busting net cannon

Natalie Gritpants

Meh, magpies

My friend wants one for microlights.

2
0

BBC telly tax drops onto telly-free households. Cough up, iPlayer fans

Natalie Gritpants

Not sure why they can't put adverts on iPlayer

They could outsource it to youtube (google) if they don't want to get their hand dirty.

The ban on adverts is sensible for broadcast but iplayer is not real-time and you can pause it.

1
2

'Boss, I've got a bug fix: Nuke the whole thing from orbit, rewrite it all'

Natalie Gritpants

Really? If your code is valuable and no-one else can compile it you have a serious barrier to redundancy.

4
0

Send tortuous stand-up ‘nine-thirty’ meetings back to the dark ages

Natalie Gritpants

Re: 5.30 Friday is worse

Great for contractors though. I've usually done my hours by Friday 3pm so I would get to bill for an extra 3 hours of overtime. I would be splendid in that meeting and it would take hours.

18
0

Danish Sith Lord fined in Galactic Republic rumpus

Natalie Gritpants

Re: unspecified techniques

You might think that shooting someone suspected of stealing a purse i good but I don't. I'd rather the bobby talk to the victim and any other witnesses to get a description of the perp and figure out which of the well know neredowells it was, at which point they can be arrested in their local boozer. Much more civilized.

11
0

Pay up, Lincolnshire, or your data gets it. Systems still down after ransomware hits

Natalie Gritpants

Happened to my next door neighbour on his home computer

Only interesting thing is that he works for HMRC so here's hoping he has another go while at work.

7
0

UK can finally 'legalise home taping' without bringing in daft new tax

Natalie Gritpants

Can I use the pirate bay now? (Do I have to buy enough USB sticks to store it all on or would an external 4TB drive suffice?)

9
0

Hacks rebel after bosses secretly install motion sensors under desks

Natalie Gritpants

When I was at Intel

you could always tell when I was working hard - the motion sensor in the light above my desk would turn off due to me just typing and staring at the screen. The light was on when I was goofing off (nose picking, arse scratching, yawning, drinking coffee etc..

1
0
Natalie Gritpants

Re: Moral police

I though sports bar was a euphemism for strip club.

2
0

Intel lobs out new Core m3/m5 Compute Sticks, shouts 'Fetch!'

Natalie Gritpants

Re: Why two boxes?

Yes, I'm thinking of making a smart photo frame using a spare monitor and some cheap processor. I'll want to be able to rip CDs with it as well as download photos from the various cameras (phones) we have. Not sure a PI will have enough grunt to run cdparanoia and replaygain as well as do a nice photo screensaver. Wifi will be OK for the data speed as I'm not planning on video.

0
0

ISPs: UK.gov should pay full costs of Snooper's Charter hardware

Natalie Gritpants

Business plan

1. Start a virtual ISP company

2. Start an ISP-customer-monitoring-cosultancy company

3. Sign up to the virtual ISP company

4. Virtual ISP co gets told by gov.uk to snoop

5. V-ISP contracts consultancy to provide snooping

6. V-ISP bills gov.uk for extremely high-cost^H^H^H^Hperformance snooping

7. profit

12
0

Ten years in, ultra-high-def gets a standard

Natalie Gritpants

A link to the logo would have been useful.

It doesn't appear on the official announcement page either so I had to resort to google which may or may not have shown me the official logo I should look for in the shops.

"Ultra HD Premium" is confusing too, what happens if the TV I'm looking is "Ultra HD" which is what everyone on the net will be using. (I cant even type proevium)

1
0

Aroused Lycra-clad cyclist prompts Manchester cop dragnet

Natalie Gritpants

Congrats are in order

If I were to cycle in Manchester in December in Lyrca my penis would shrink to negative length.

0
0

Windows XP spotted on Royal Navy's spanking new aircraft carrier

Natalie Gritpants

Re: how is this news?

If it's that hard shouldn't it be possible to train someone? The documentation ought to be sorted out by now.

0
0

Adobe: We locked our customers in the cloud and out poured money

Natalie Gritpants

Welcome to my world

Or rather my employers world. In EDA and using Synopsys, VCS, NCsim etc. They are not cloudy but they are licensed (and mighty expensive)

0
0

Page:

Forums