* Posts by Your alien overlord - fear me

146 posts • joined 19 Jun 2009

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Chechen women swindle ISIS via social media: 'We need roubles to join you xx'

Your alien overlord - fear me

So, if some scammers can find some scum on social media, why can't our/the USA security services do the same and send a Tornado to the appropriate IP address's physical location?

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Next-gen secure email using internet's own DNS – your help needed

Your alien overlord - fear me

This trash is in place already (in a broad sense) but when Hotmail insists people DKIM and SPF their mail, Hotmail themselves are 'too big' to bother doing it's own outgoing email. Probably processor overhead or sheer arrogance, take your pick, but either way until the big players practice what they preach none of these ideas will ever take off.

You have to remember, as far as their marketing dept. goes, a spam email is an email and they can then boast they handle x trillion emails a day, even though to the real world 99.9 % are spam.

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Windows 10 collects colossal 0.375 per cent market share in July

Your alien overlord - fear me

Interesting figures (sarcastic mode:off) - did no one run their Windows 10 alpha/betas then on the internet? There should have been something before July 29 surely?

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Post-pub nosh neckfiller: Bacon and egg sushi

Your alien overlord - fear me

Err, why did you substitute seaweed for bacon? You don't get 'pigs in a seaweed cover' do you, there's a reason why non-crispy bacon is thin, so you can wrap it around filler stuff.

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HP insists 'we don't have a global dress code' – while deleting one from its website

Your alien overlord - fear me

With this sort of confusion...

"With the head of HR publishing a video titled "Dress code? What dress code?", advice on office clobber vanishing without explanation, and management sending a confidential memo on what not to wear, El Reg can absolutely see why there is confusion on Planet HP"

Hmm, they seem split on dress code. I know, why not split HP in two. That'll sort all their problems.

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French dating sites spanked for laissez faire data protection

Your alien overlord - fear me

CNIL have been quite vocal recently - do they have an annual review coming up soon?

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Wanted: beta testers for El Reg’s Android app

Your alien overlord - fear me

Well I'm in but why is it a G+/alpha release, Microsoft let anyone download their alpha release OS without having to sign up with Google.

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Be wary of that Russian. He might HAMMERTOSS a software nasty at you

Your alien overlord - fear me

Olympic effort

If you look at the Olympics medal table for hammertoss - last 4 gold winners = women 2 Russian and 2 ex-CCCP, men = 3 ex-CCCP and 1 from Japan.

No wonder the malware does gymnastics to get anything done....

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World-beating TWO-QUADRILLION-WATT LASER fired by boffins

Your alien overlord - fear me

100m long - how's Luke going to battle the dark side with something so unweildly?

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Three-mile-high pyramid found on alien dwarf world, baffles boffins

Your alien overlord - fear me

Off gases, CO2? Means it's a factory complex.

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Desperate Microsoft PAYS Win Server 2003 laggards to jump ship

Your alien overlord - fear me

No, pick me

I've numerous small business clients still on W2003 who won't be moving because of a. cost of new software and b. my bill to move them. If Micro$oft have money to give away it'd certainly help me,er my clients.

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Got an Android phone? SMASH IT with a hammer – and do it NOW

Your alien overlord - fear me

Re: But its open source

Wrong fanboi, Google's own apps are closed source, such as Google+ but any competent programmer can reverse engineer it. AOSP is the open source version of Android and it doesn't come with any Google bloatware.

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Hawking, Musk, Woz (and Riley): ROBOTS will KILL US ALL

Your alien overlord - fear me

Re: Excellent

Er, John Conners came back from the future to warn them - haven't any of the Terminator documentaries warned you enough?

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Your alien overlord - fear me

Well done Lewis

for getting a picture of Talulah Riley in one of your articles.

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Email apparently from Home Office warns of emails apparently from Home Office

Your alien overlord - fear me

Reg readers know to never open *any* emails (or lertters) from HMRC

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SCORCHIO! This JUNE was the SIXTY-SIXTH HOTTEST on record

Your alien overlord - fear me
Devil

Spot the obvious

Sixty-sixth sixth month = 66 6 (the 'th' dropped for dramatic effect). I bet someones having the Devil of a time in this heat - ho ho ho.

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YOW! Pluto STUNS boffins with HAZY, SHRINKY atmosphere

Your alien overlord - fear me

"With flowing ices, exotic surface chemistry, mountain ranges, and vast haze, Pluto is showing a diversity of planetary geology that is truly thrilling."

It shows geology of a dwarf planet Shirley? Or has NASA let slip they know Pluto is really a bona-fida planet?

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YOU! DEGRASSE! It's time to make Pluto a proper planet again, says NASA boffin

Your alien overlord - fear me

IAU voters were in the main, astronomers who deal with galaxies and the like, planetery scientists should be the ones to decide if something is a planet.

It's like having road builders decide a BMW is not a car because it is't made of tarmac.

Yes downvoters, that is how rediculous the dsciption and subsequent vote was.

Where's my I love Pluto icon?

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Acer Revo One RL85: A pint-sized PC for the snug

Your alien overlord - fear me

Re: Remote power on?

How would you power it on if you'd powered it off? Get off your arse, walk to the telly and press a button? No thanks.

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SPACE FARMER 'nauts arrive safely at International Space Station

Your alien overlord - fear me
Paris Hilton

I think it strange they'll let the 'nauts eat some of the lettuce but will only check it after ity comes back to earth. What about DNA mutation and such like, it could evolve into a brain-controlling parasite which would then infect planet earth.

This insanity must stop now.

Paris, brain = a natural togetherness !!

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US Census Bureau IT systems hacked, data leaked by Anonymous

Your alien overlord - fear me

Not part of their internal system but they lost a database full of names and (hashed) passwords along with who are the administrators.

Offsite backups of sensitive data are becoming more commonplace for US gov departments nowadays :-)

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NASA briefing in HOURS: 'We are upon the CUSP of finding ANOTHER EARTH'

Your alien overlord - fear me

And it's only 5 light years away - so make sure your passports are up to date.

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Were the FIRST AMERICANS really FIRST? MYSTERY of vanished 'Population Y'

Your alien overlord - fear me

Er, it's a well known fact Aussies like to travel. They obviously just stopped over in South America on their way to become bar staff in London.

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AI finally understands primitive sketches – aka marketing presentations

Your alien overlord - fear me
Coat

"Timothy Hospedales" - shouldn't he be working in a hospital ?

Mines the white one

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Keep your stupid drones away from piloted aircraft, rages CAA

Your alien overlord - fear me

Launch a code of conduct with no repercussions if any wannabe TopGun (2) ignores it. There are laws to govern the size of remote controlled airplanes, surely that should be extended to cover quads.

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The Register's resident space boffin: All you need to know about the Pluto mission

Your alien overlord - fear me
Coat

And why wasn't El Reg doing something like this instead of playing with balloons and paper planes?

Mine's the coat to protect me from the down votes :-)

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Hackers invade systems holding medical files on 4.5 million Cali patients

Your alien overlord - fear me

" offering free identity protection as well as a $1,000,000 fraud insurance policy" - that'll cost them a wedge of mullah considering they could have spent less on some security for their network.

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GOOGLE GMAIL ATE MY LINUX: Gobbled email enrages Torvalds

Your alien overlord - fear me

Well I know it's not working. I got an email saying a relative died leaving me a fortune. I sent the processing fee and haven't heard back. Google, you owe me millions.

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NASA boffins peer at Pluto: Could it be ... is that ... OATMEAL?

Your alien overlord - fear me

Sorry, did they say 'wind driven'? So this non-planet has a round moon, is round itself and now has an atmosphere. Time to upgrade it again since these are the same particulars as Mars.

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FEMALE BLOOD-SUCKERS zero in on human prey by smelling our BREATH

Your alien overlord - fear me
Coat

Here's my idea

Put a manakin between mossie base camp (river) and village. Paint said manakin in black treacle (black to absorb the heat better, treacle to trap the mossies). Now, get some nerdie techo-boffin to rig up a CO2 source (should ber self-sustaining, no electricity needed) to entice mossies to it, they see a bloke, move in, feel the heat and go in for the kill.Oh, it's them who die. Hey presto, no mossies.

Now, should I put this out on Kickstarter or IndyGoGo ?

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Cell division: The engine of life – and of CANCER. Now some of its secrets are revealed

Your alien overlord - fear me

kinetochore

The amount of energy required to move on a lady of the night from one street corner to another.

This is I believe a new standard El Reg measurement (or should be)

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Microsoft suspends Windows 10 new-build downloads ahead of launch

Your alien overlord - fear me

Hmmm, so to stress test their distribution service, they switch off their distribition service.

I deny completely that it was me who broke it. Honest. No really, it was that guy over there.

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Hacking Team: We’ll be back in the spyware biz before you know it

Your alien overlord - fear me

Am I missing something?

"He went on to say that the hackers hadn't exposed "important elements of our source code," and that a protected sector had been set up to protect the company's assets."

Business 101 - your clients are your biggest assets (they provide the money for the boss to keep as his assets). Are your clients details etc. secure? And why would you only protect the important elements?

Perhaps it was lost in translation - will the real translation also appear on Wikileaks?

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Natural geothermal heat under Antarctic ice: 'Surprisingly HIGH'

Your alien overlord - fear me
Flame

"such that there is nowadays much more Antarctic sea ice than there used to be "

Bleeding obvious - all that Arctic ice has drifted south and accumulated at the bottom. And before the smart arses claim that ice would float to the top, perhaps the earth flipped over and no one told us.

Ice burns and since there's no ice-cold icons.....

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Canadian dirtbag jailed for SWAT'ing, doxing women gamers

Your alien overlord - fear me
Coat

"Psychological reports presented in the case claimed he suffered from severe narcissism, has emerging psychopathic traits, and is oversensitive." - or in English, he used to run Apple.

Mine's the coat filled with down votes....

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Brit teen who unleashed 'biggest ever distributed denial-of-service blast' walks free from court

Your alien overlord - fear me
Flame

Surely the real criminals here are the stupid DNS server owners who coudn't be arsed to make sure their servers couldn't parcipitate in a DDoS.

Having worked for a (wannabe 'player') ISP who ran the DNS servers on Linux cause everyone else did it but had no firewall or anything and wondered why FTP servers kept being installed on them remotely...duh !!!

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Ditch crappy landlines and start reading Twitter, 999 call centres told

Your alien overlord - fear me

Anniversary of 7/7 - in the aftermath the mobile network was shutdown so only 'special' SIMs worked (ie emergency services), general public had no service for the entire day. This is still the modus operandi I believe so how would mobile,text or twitter help in similar cases?

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FLYING PIG crash-lands in Utah: Rider survives, bacon saved

Your alien overlord - fear me

You took a few days to verify the facts? The Land of the Oppressed was set free by us Brits over 200 years ago. We had to make it look like we cared about keeping it but lets face it, thank f*ck we got rid of the dead weight when we did.

Or did you mean the story of the flying bacon butty filler?

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Samsung to launch a Snapdragon 808-based clamshell smartphone

Your alien overlord - fear me

How much bloatware can you fit in a screen that small? <insert ironic icon here>

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The bucks stop here: NYSE freezes trading, blames 'technical issue'

Your alien overlord - fear me

"How to hack anything" released on t'internet and a day or 2 later this and UA. If another one goes titsup I'm outing them as being pwned.

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'Real' vampires reluctant to 'come out of the coffin' to social workers – barmy prof

Your alien overlord - fear me

They believe they are born vampires ? Surely they know they're talking tosh - you need to be bled then killed to become a vamp. What kind of world do these wannabes live in? I bet none have ever really died.

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Black and Latina boffins regularly mistaken for janitors, study finds

Your alien overlord - fear me
Paris Hilton

Sorry, I don't believe this - can these women please re-do this survey and it's findings to prove it.

Paris - not a janitor but dirrrty

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Apple Watch sales in death dive after mega launch, claims study

Your alien overlord - fear me

Re: Evidently you've never bought anything from a 'hardware' Apple Store

Correct, neither online or on foot

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Your alien overlord - fear me

If they are only available in store why would a paper reciept end up in my inbox?

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Evil NSA runs on saintly Linux, Apache, MySQL

Your alien overlord - fear me

Autofs?

Auto f*cks sake

LAMP - Laughable Americans Munch Pancakes

Ligitious Ar$eholes Monetise Politics

Lets All Moon @ sPooks

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Ginormous HIDDEN BLACK HOLES flood the universe – boffins

Your alien overlord - fear me

Hmmm, blasting the universe with high energy x-rays.

I bet that doesn't annoy any of our alien neighbours who are using x-ray telescopes to try and view the universe. Just saying....

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Smart Meter biz case still there, insists tragically optimistic UK govt

Your alien overlord - fear me
Paris Hilton

Over here we have time-of-day consumption bills, any time of the day we consume electricity, we get billed for it. Or do you mean something else?

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Chinese takeaway, hold the Google: Xiaomi Mi4 LTE Android

Your alien overlord - fear me

Most of the above commentards are obviously fanbois - Android is there to tinker with and put your own apps in unlike the iPhone (remember, there's no I in iphone, or free will, creativity, individuality etc).

AOSP is the Google-free Android, supported officially (and unofficially) by most big players - this means they can do what they want without being tied to Google - my own Nexus 5 (from Google) runs AOSP Lollipop with no Google apps at all. For Youtube, Gmail etc I run it on my tablet.

Also, the 1800 LTE is not really an issue as people have tweaked some phones to run on different bands - the bands are limited mainly by the local phone regulator not the hardware manufacturer

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ALIEN SLIME SHOCKER: Approaching comet probably NOT inhabited, say boffins

Your alien overlord - fear me
Black Helicopters

Wow, major denial. I blame it on the Illuminati.

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Pluto probe brain OVERLOAD: Titsup New Horizons explained

Your alien overlord - fear me
Alien

What about the data it would have collected from those alien spaceships heading towards Earth, currently they're about 9 million miles past Pluto and heading this way, probably get here next July 4th :-)

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