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* Posts by Your alien overlord - fear me

42 posts • joined 19 Jun 2009

Apple is IMMUNE from Heartbleed, it says. But don't check if it's true

Your alien overlord - fear me

Re: The reported version of openssl is 0.9.8 so that'll do me.

Or newer technologies like heartbeat. Oh wait...

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US remains global sluggard in broadband speed rankings

Your alien overlord - fear me
Black Helicopters

Blame it on the NSA

They're the bottleneck, slurping everyone's traffic onto their servers

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Japan Airlines to serve KFC on Christmas flights

Your alien overlord - fear me
Paris Hilton

Adventurous?

Can we guess the nationality of the first twat who puts the boned chicken piece in the bread and bites down hard?

Paris - coz a. JAL fly there and b. she likes putting meat in her mouth according to a certain video I've seen

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Toshiba Regza 55in LED backlit TV

Your alien overlord - fear me
FAIL

Where's the 3D ?

£3500 for a 2D telly, they're 'aving a laugh

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Latest Asus Eee Keyboard desktop demo'd

Your alien overlord - fear me

History repeating itself

Back in the '80s, I brought a EuroPC which was a PC in a keyboard. A bit thicker than this one and a 3.5 inch floppy where the touchpad is. But it had a proper keyboard and internally I could add a 1/2 height ISA card - wow, the expansion capabilites were endless !!!

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Nokia Booklet 3G

Your alien overlord - fear me

Fn key placement

is correct for us Thinkpad users - but my 12" X61 runs 2.5Ghz, has 8GB RAM, SSD and 3G card and was only a few quid more than this.

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BA.com titsup

Your alien overlord - fear me
FAIL

Also on their homepage

"Fog is also causing flight disruption" as if that matters when I can't check-in online.

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Immigration spy centre hit by staff delays

Your alien overlord - fear me
WTF?

£300 a week to stop terrorists?

They'll get more in backhanders to let the scum in.

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FIA to oversee first e-car 'grand prix' series

Your alien overlord - fear me

Boring

The main things about racing is the speed and noise. Neither come to mind when I think of gran's electro-cart bumbling along the pavements.

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iPhone developer hires worm author

Your alien overlord - fear me
Paris Hilton

As the old saying goes

All publicity is good publicity as long as they spell my name right.

Paris - knows all about publicity

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Savage roo mauls Oz man

Your alien overlord - fear me

Lego playset re-enactment

maybe ?

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MS store staff in spontaneous electric boogie

Your alien overlord - fear me

yep

the best spontinaity is that which is pre-planned and rehearsed.

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Britney's Twitter feed hacked again

Your alien overlord - fear me

So Rik...

you subscribe to Britney's twitter feed then? And how old are you ?

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H Ross Perot Jr fails to grab rhino by the horns

Your alien overlord - fear me

perhaps

Jr should learn to shoot first before being let loose in Africa ?

where's the d!ckhead icon ?

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Tech titans meet in secret to plug SSL hole

Your alien overlord - fear me

Google it !!

"in Mountain View, California, at a company they declined to name."

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Raytheon buys BBN for 'about $350m'

Your alien overlord - fear me
Coat

Wasn't BBN

Compuserves owner ? Ah, the good old days.

Mine' the one with reminesents in it.

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Ex-GCHQ superspook can lobby MoD on crypto

Your alien overlord - fear me

So when Lobban retires

will he be 'lobban' the MoD - ho ho ho, what a sense of humour I have :-)

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Super 'sun-hot' plasma rocket in fullbore bench test triumph

Your alien overlord - fear me

What you fail to understand is

how difficult it is to 'flip 180' in space. Side retro-rockets get fired, you flip 179 degrees and end up in Jupiter instead of Mars.

The way I see it is two rockets on side pods.After 1/2 way to Mars, you have to switch off the engines (good luck in restarting them in the middle of no where), spin them (in sync) 180 on the pods and fire them up (fully in sync to the nano second) and hope you don't wiggle abit, else hello Jupiter.

Not going to happen with current human technology. Best pull out the crashed UFOs from Area 51 and reverse engineer their technology.

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UK council forced to swallow dick

Your alien overlord - fear me

He concluded: "Let common tradition and common sense prevail."

Although obviously only after much media attention showed what a bunch of twats they are

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Bridge made of recycled plastic supports 70-ton tank

Your alien overlord - fear me

I want

to see the lego version.

Come on, it can't be that hard building a plastic bridge which holds Optimus Prime can it ?

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Illinois bright spark sparks car inferno

Your alien overlord - fear me

There should be a security video available soon

since most petrol stations have cameras - should get a lot of hits on YouTube

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Smoking iMac caught on camera

Your alien overlord - fear me

Good to see there's an app for that

(videoing your iMac on fire)

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Brain-jacking fungus turns living victims into 'zombies'

Your alien overlord - fear me
Troll

I see it now

"Ant" and Dec - in a jungle, making people do stupid things. I wonder if someone is infected and is trying to get all the contestants zombiefied, certainly viewers go brain-numb just watching them.

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Campaign Monitor reels from hack and spam attack

Your alien overlord - fear me

Email marketing company sending spam?

Never would have believed it myself.

Of course, its a good cover story when Spamcop etc complains about the spam from them "Oh sorry, we got hacked".

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Half-ton space watermelon hints at habitable Martian past

Your alien overlord - fear me

Or

this is just a fragment of the real meteor which hit, vapourising Martian-kind and itself 50 million years ago. Bit's flew off the low density planet and smahed into ours.

And we all know what happened 50 million years ago....

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El Reg space paper plane christened Vulture 1

Your alien overlord - fear me
Paris Hilton

Been there, done that

http://www.pegasushabproject.org.uk/wiki/doku.php/missions:pegasus2

These guys might be able to help/offer advice

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Researcher: Twitter attack targeted anti-Russian blogger

Your alien overlord - fear me

Twats @ twitter

so, Twitter can't cope with popular people? Just as well I don't start one else Twitter (and probably the whole internet) would collapse under my followers !!!!!!!!

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Microsoft releases Windows 7 to MSDN, TechNet today

Your alien overlord - fear me
Gates Halo

@Colin Morris

beta testing it since Feb - bugs ironed out as long as people bother to load the correct drivers (same with linux,Mac etc - no/wrong drivers = non-working hardware).

Don't understand making Joe Public wait until September though, it just encourages Volume Licences to make their way onto torrent sites by the weekend.

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Launch your own satellite for only eight grand

Your alien overlord - fear me
Alien

a way home

just need to break free of gravity....see my name......

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Gmail shoves 'on behalf of' feature to one side

Your alien overlord - fear me
FAIL

Great, more spam

Since Google never deal with spammers using Gmail, I assume this is their getout clause for doing nothing because "it never came from us".

Effective incoming anti-spam system but they point blank refuse to block their own customers spamming the rest of the world.

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Groovy punts SQL turbocharger

Your alien overlord - fear me

So the 4 x 6-core processors

didn''t make the contribution to it's speed then ?

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Southampton Uni getting Nehalem supercomputer

Your alien overlord - fear me

But what's it Crysis frame-rate like

that' the important question

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Ofcom graciously gives satellites go-ahead

Your alien overlord - fear me

Use ground based components

or 'radio masts' as they used to be called in the old days. Wonder where the sat. bit comes in ?

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Xbox 360 reverses plunging console sales trend

Your alien overlord - fear me

might it be

that everyone who wants a console has now got one ?

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Michael Jackson manifests in California tree stump

Your alien overlord - fear me

He's moved on

literally. Only a stick man is shown on the tree stump now - stick man/tree stump - geddit ?

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Apple admits to iPhone 3GS heliophobia

Your alien overlord - fear me

That's OK if the battery life is shortened

you just swap out the battery for a new one. Oh no, you can't !! Send it back to Apple and be without your iPhone for two weeks ? That'll be good publicity :-)

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Designer pitches flat-pack power plug

Your alien overlord - fear me

Nice but...

pity the transformer will still be the size of Optimus Prime (geddit, transformer, Optimus. I'm wasted on you guys).

Where's the Transformer icon ?

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PayPal UK titsup

Your alien overlord - fear me

Had a problem late last night as well

but the transaction seemed to go through but the reply from the sellers website indicated it didn't.

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Branson breaks ground on US rocketplane spaceport

Your alien overlord - fear me

Has anyone thought about immigration control

Considering how anal US immigration is, do you send a message from the White Knight asking for permission to enter the US of A - and if they refuse are you stuck in orbit ?

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Tiny-traffic DoS attack spotlights Apache flaw

Your alien overlord - fear me
Heart

Glad I use IIS

and the only LInux box I use has lighttpd installed instead of Apache.

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Underwear obligatory for Florida city workers

Your alien overlord - fear me

pants

to that !!!!

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Boffins: Gigantic crustacean sperm is 'viable strategy'

Your alien overlord - fear me

But really

from an evolutionary point of view - you grow up and decrease in size ? Imagine how small you'd be if you made it to old age ?

I think they've got the sperm from some other species (maybe a giant crab) who died nearby these other creatures.

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