* Posts by Your alien overlord - fear me

64 posts • joined 19 Jun 2009

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'ANYTHING BUT STABLE' Netflix suffers BIG Europe-wide outage

Your alien overlord - fear me

Netflix goes down as a sun flare hits earth - http://www.theregister.co.uk/2014/10/25/nasa_sun_eruption_solar_flare_x3_1_sunspot/ - coincidence?

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FATTIES: Boffins say their miracle sunshine skin cream 'prevents obesity'

Your alien overlord - fear me

Trust Me I'm a Doctor talked about nitric oxide last week - it helps open blood vessels to prevent high blood pressure. Nowt about making you thin.

I think the rubbing cream on your obese body will be all the exercise most fatties will do though.

Or picture this - two fat naked bodies and a tube of cream squirted on them then they just have to rub against each other to put the cream on places that will never see the sunlight. Picture that when you're about to sit down to dinner tonight :-)

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Will GCHQ furtle this El Reg readers' poll? Team Snowden suggests: Yes

Your alien overlord - fear me

Hang on, when James Bond 'bends' the rules, we're all happy but when GCHQ possibly, maybe, does all of a sudden it's bad?

Just saying....and hoping my GCHQ quarterly job appraisal is good :)

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Facebook 'manipulated' 700k users' feelings in SECRET EXPERIMENT

Your alien overlord - fear me

Re: First comment: Useless research from the "DUH!" dept.

Take it you don't have a Googlemail account then?

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Titan sprouts 'Magic Island', say astroboffins

Your alien overlord - fear me

If that was just a wave would this be a Titanfail (Titanfall getit) ?

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Rich bitch sorority girls actually more likely to put out than low-class 'sluts': Study

Your alien overlord - fear me
Paris Hilton

Poor journalism

Unless you've got some video proof too back it up (preferably in HD)

Paris ... nuf said

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eBay says database leak dump offers are fake

Your alien overlord - fear me

Shouldn't they be up for sale *on* eBay - that'd be a fun thing to do :-)

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Amazon Prime hot air drone service goes a-recruiting

Your alien overlord - fear me

How can a drone get anywhere in 30 minutes? Will they do like pizza shops do, after 30 minutes it's free?

Better use those old ICBMs - multiple warheads (filled with books and Civet coffee) would be a better idea.

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Boffins 3D-print biomimetic shark skin

Your alien overlord - fear me

Re: From the archives (2009)

Also, I think it was the Big Bang (BBC) that did a test against the US swimmer Phelps and the presenter was in a shark skin body stocking thing. This was also quite a few years ago.

Where's the shark with a fricking laser icon ?

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IETF plans to NSA-proof all future internet protocols

Your alien overlord - fear me

But all the snoops'll do is

put a trojan/virus on their offical gov website (such as tax returns etc), force you to do tax returns online and infect your computer that way. Who cares if the protocol is encrypted, it just means you can't check your own data pipes and see if data is being slurped to naughtyHQ

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Canuck cops cuff teen suspect in swatter-for-hire case

Your alien overlord - fear me

How do the police harm themselves responding to a call? Shirley they should do that when they get on site?

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Stop bullying SUPER FAT GODZILLA, urge movie stars

Your alien overlord - fear me
Alien

Sea rising?

Every time he goes back in the ocean the sea levels rise. Nothing to do with global warming.

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Boffins say hot air makes Antarctica COLDER

Your alien overlord - fear me

First to admit I'm no climate scientist but

even I know hot air rises and cold air sinks. Therefore the bottom of the planet will be colder than the top.

It's not rocket science folks.

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Orange France hacked AGAIN, 1.3 million victims seeing red

Your alien overlord - fear me

LAMP

Lazy Ar$e Meh Programmers

Likely ASPX Microsoft Puppets

Look At My Page

and it goes on...

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Truck-sized asteroid slips silently between Moon and Earth

Your alien overlord - fear me

New job for LOHAN - get up there and look out for new shiney things, glinting in the sun

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Twitter's got a new UK public policy wonk... 'You are the product' Big Brother Watch bloke!

Your alien overlord - fear me

Just me or is is he in Big Brother Watch becaue he's Eric's little brother?

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Ads bandog berates Virgin Media in BSkyB broadband bumf bust-up

Your alien overlord - fear me

Re: ASA

"insufficient evidence to prosecute". - police jargon for a freemason/police/MP sprog

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Brit IT workers are so stressed that 'TWO-THIRDS' want to quit

Your alien overlord - fear me

Well as a contractor currently working in a bank, the IT admin doesn't (yet) know about IP but he is planning on learning it one day. The staff/work ratio is unbeliveable. If I was in charge we could reduce the 20 head count to 3 (to cover for holidays etc). Most IT people basically should not be in IT but they joined for the large salaries,wild parties and loose women (I know I did and I'm happy). Just because you get a degree doesn't mean you're clever/intelligent/useful to the world in general.

People who get stressed at work (IT or not) basically can't manage their time/workloads properly. If your superiers says do this in x time and you know it's not possible then you should say so to *their* superiors. Just being a pussy and putting in unpaid overtime is frankly stupid and leaving you open to be abused later on.

My biggest stress is do I pop out and get another bottle of Coke or pop into M & S and get their freshly baked donuts. Am I working hard? I did a weeks worth of work in an afternoon by not running around like a headless chicken but sitting back, looking at the problem and then automating it. After all, that's what technology is there for, to make my life easier.

So, anyone whose a wimp should downvote this because it's the first step to manning up and growing a pair. I dare you.

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It's spade sellers who REALLY make a killing in a gold rush: It's OVER for graphics card mining

Your alien overlord - fear me

So, how many

vultures to a Bitcoin? Is there a proper El Reg convertion rate yet?

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Top tip, power users – upgrading Ubuntu may knacker your Linux PC

Your alien overlord - fear me

Surely you'd use a Windows 7 boot CD to re-install the OS if you're a power user? No?

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Friends don't let friends use Internet Explorer – advice from US, UK, EU

Your alien overlord - fear me
Paris Hilton

What about Lynx

The text, the whole text and nothing but the text.

(Paris because she could do with being on the internet more, especially if it became more graphic!!!)

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NASA finds first Earth-sized planet in a habitable zone around star

Your alien overlord - fear me
Alien

Let's review the facts

Very red sun so skin will be greyish

Higher gravity so bodies will be shorter (probably 3 foot or so)

High levels of infra-red so nature will have evolved to give them large wrap-around sunshades.

As fir it being to far away to see the CFC's and such like in the atmosphere, that's a cover up if ever I heard one.

Just the facts ma'am, just the facts.

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Apple says iOS, OS X is immune to Heartbleed SSL bug

Your alien overlord - fear me

Re: The reported version of openssl is 0.9.8 so that'll do me.

Or newer technologies like heartbeat. Oh wait...

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US remains global sluggard in broadband speed rankings

Your alien overlord - fear me
Black Helicopters

Blame it on the NSA

They're the bottleneck, slurping everyone's traffic onto their servers

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Japan Airlines to serve KFC on Christmas flights

Your alien overlord - fear me
Paris Hilton

Adventurous?

Can we guess the nationality of the first twat who puts the boned chicken piece in the bread and bites down hard?

Paris - coz a. JAL fly there and b. she likes putting meat in her mouth according to a certain video I've seen

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Toshiba Regza 55in LED backlit TV

Your alien overlord - fear me
FAIL

Where's the 3D ?

£3500 for a 2D telly, they're 'aving a laugh

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Latest Asus Eee Keyboard desktop demo'd

Your alien overlord - fear me

History repeating itself

Back in the '80s, I brought a EuroPC which was a PC in a keyboard. A bit thicker than this one and a 3.5 inch floppy where the touchpad is. But it had a proper keyboard and internally I could add a 1/2 height ISA card - wow, the expansion capabilites were endless !!!

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Nokia Booklet 3G

Your alien overlord - fear me

Fn key placement

is correct for us Thinkpad users - but my 12" X61 runs 2.5Ghz, has 8GB RAM, SSD and 3G card and was only a few quid more than this.

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BA.com titsup

Your alien overlord - fear me
FAIL

Also on their homepage

"Fog is also causing flight disruption" as if that matters when I can't check-in online.

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Immigration spy centre hit by staff delays

Your alien overlord - fear me
WTF?

£300 a week to stop terrorists?

They'll get more in backhanders to let the scum in.

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FIA to oversee first e-car 'grand prix' series

Your alien overlord - fear me

Boring

The main things about racing is the speed and noise. Neither come to mind when I think of gran's electro-cart bumbling along the pavements.

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iPhone developer hires worm author

Your alien overlord - fear me
Paris Hilton

As the old saying goes

All publicity is good publicity as long as they spell my name right.

Paris - knows all about publicity

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Savage roo mauls Oz man

Your alien overlord - fear me

Lego playset re-enactment

maybe ?

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MS store staff in spontaneous electric boogie

Your alien overlord - fear me

yep

the best spontinaity is that which is pre-planned and rehearsed.

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Britney's Twitter feed hacked again

Your alien overlord - fear me

So Rik...

you subscribe to Britney's twitter feed then? And how old are you ?

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H Ross Perot Jr fails to grab rhino by the horns

Your alien overlord - fear me

perhaps

Jr should learn to shoot first before being let loose in Africa ?

where's the d!ckhead icon ?

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Tech titans meet in secret to plug SSL hole

Your alien overlord - fear me

Google it !!

"in Mountain View, California, at a company they declined to name."

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Raytheon buys BBN for 'about $350m'

Your alien overlord - fear me
Coat

Wasn't BBN

Compuserves owner ? Ah, the good old days.

Mine' the one with reminesents in it.

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Ex-GCHQ superspook can lobby MoD on crypto

Your alien overlord - fear me

So when Lobban retires

will he be 'lobban' the MoD - ho ho ho, what a sense of humour I have :-)

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Super 'sun-hot' plasma rocket in fullbore bench test triumph

Your alien overlord - fear me

What you fail to understand is

how difficult it is to 'flip 180' in space. Side retro-rockets get fired, you flip 179 degrees and end up in Jupiter instead of Mars.

The way I see it is two rockets on side pods.After 1/2 way to Mars, you have to switch off the engines (good luck in restarting them in the middle of no where), spin them (in sync) 180 on the pods and fire them up (fully in sync to the nano second) and hope you don't wiggle abit, else hello Jupiter.

Not going to happen with current human technology. Best pull out the crashed UFOs from Area 51 and reverse engineer their technology.

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UK council forced to swallow dick

Your alien overlord - fear me

He concluded: "Let common tradition and common sense prevail."

Although obviously only after much media attention showed what a bunch of twats they are

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Bridge made of recycled plastic supports 70-ton tank

Your alien overlord - fear me

I want

to see the lego version.

Come on, it can't be that hard building a plastic bridge which holds Optimus Prime can it ?

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Illinois bright spark sparks car inferno

Your alien overlord - fear me

There should be a security video available soon

since most petrol stations have cameras - should get a lot of hits on YouTube

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Smoking iMac caught on camera

Your alien overlord - fear me

Good to see there's an app for that

(videoing your iMac on fire)

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Brain-jacking fungus turns living victims into 'zombies'

Your alien overlord - fear me
Troll

I see it now

"Ant" and Dec - in a jungle, making people do stupid things. I wonder if someone is infected and is trying to get all the contestants zombiefied, certainly viewers go brain-numb just watching them.

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Campaign Monitor reels from hack and spam attack

Your alien overlord - fear me

Email marketing company sending spam?

Never would have believed it myself.

Of course, its a good cover story when Spamcop etc complains about the spam from them "Oh sorry, we got hacked".

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Half-ton space watermelon hints at habitable Martian past

Your alien overlord - fear me

Or

this is just a fragment of the real meteor which hit, vapourising Martian-kind and itself 50 million years ago. Bit's flew off the low density planet and smahed into ours.

And we all know what happened 50 million years ago....

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El Reg space paper plane christened Vulture 1

Your alien overlord - fear me
Paris Hilton

Been there, done that

http://www.pegasushabproject.org.uk/wiki/doku.php/missions:pegasus2

These guys might be able to help/offer advice

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Researcher: Twitter attack targeted anti-Russian blogger

Your alien overlord - fear me

Twats @ twitter

so, Twitter can't cope with popular people? Just as well I don't start one else Twitter (and probably the whole internet) would collapse under my followers !!!!!!!!

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Microsoft releases Windows 7 to MSDN, TechNet today

Your alien overlord - fear me
Gates Halo

@Colin Morris

beta testing it since Feb - bugs ironed out as long as people bother to load the correct drivers (same with linux,Mac etc - no/wrong drivers = non-working hardware).

Don't understand making Joe Public wait until September though, it just encourages Volume Licences to make their way onto torrent sites by the weekend.

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