* Posts by Your alien overlord - fear me

95 posts • joined 19 Jun 2009

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‘Clandestines' prompt British border blockade in France

Your alien overlord - fear me

So, we've got trouble cause those wine-swilling, garlic chomping surrender monkeys don't like foreigners.

How times have changed since they dropped their pantaloons and bent over like bon petit garçons in 1940.

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The Great Windows Server 2003 migration: Where do we go from here?

Your alien overlord - fear me

Well, I'm not telling my clients to upgrade (all SME's) - can you image telling the company owner it'll cost a few grand to upgrade the server (and Exchange) now when the new version is out next year. Bad timing on M$ part.

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'This ruling does nothing to change the facts' thunders Apple in latest price-fix appeal blow

Your alien overlord - fear me

Refund in the way of time limited ebook tokens. Don't use them within the minute of them appearing in your inbox - tough luck, they've expired.

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NSA continues mass slurping of Americans' phone metadata

Your alien overlord - fear me

"associated with an approved international terrorist organization." - what if ISIS don't apply to become approved?

And all their home grown terrorists wil feel upset at not being included.

Americans eh, what can you do?

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UH OH: Windows 10 will share your Wi-Fi key with your friends' friends

Your alien overlord - fear me

Place your bets please, plasce your bets ... on how long it takes someone to decrypt Microsoft's security and see in plaintext the wifi password.

On a similar topic, what if I use just WPA, how could I get access to a WPA2 network or via versa?

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Giant male member spontaneously ejaculates over Norway

Your alien overlord - fear me

Hang on, there's a beach and it's sunny - Norway is a land of fjords so where was this really shot?

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Yahoo! displaces Ask in Oracle's Java update crapware parade

Your alien overlord - fear me

I remember when Ask Jeeves was new and fresh and a more 'human interface' on searching unlike Google who (back then) only gave specific results for your searches unlike today when every search includes the 'Do you feel lucky punk?' option.

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Your alien overlord - fear me

Re: Who the hell uses Java nowadays?

anyone dealing with Android phones/tablets and presumably iPhones as well.

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Courtney Love in the crossfire! Paris turns ugly over Uber

Your alien overlord - fear me
Paris Hilton

Paris turns ugly - I thought you were doing an article on her plastic surgery

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As the US realises it's been PWNED, when will OPM heads roll?

Your alien overlord - fear me

Why is the US gov on the internet in the first place? It's a work enviroment so they should have zero internet access bar one standalone PC and a locally attached printer. If someone needs a webpage, fill in the request form (in triplicate), someone in a haz-mat suit (so they don't get infected with any viruses) enters the URL and prints the page in triplicate. One goes to the requestor, one goes to their boss and one goes to the NSA.

SImple.

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The world .sucks at a minute past midnight on Sunday

Your alien overlord - fear me

thepriceofadotsucksdomainname.sucks

No, really.

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Post-pub nosh neckfiller: Nasi goreng pattaya

Your alien overlord - fear me
WTF?

Is this site sponsered by the Beeb? Mary Berry did this on Friday sans omlette.

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Vicious vandals violate voluminous Versailles vagina

Your alien overlord - fear me

What, no mention of the vandal(s) as c*nts ?

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Free ethical upgrade offered as Fairphone launches mobe No 2

Your alien overlord - fear me

Fairphone but not a fair price for what is essentially a dual SIM version of the Nexus 5

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Belgium trolls France with bonkers new commemorative coin

Your alien overlord - fear me

How about a commemorative 18 pound 15 pence note?

Or some 39p and 45p coins for our German buddies?

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Nude celeb iCloud hack: Feds seize Chicago man's computers

Your alien overlord - fear me
Pirate

He's borrowed by plan of attack - launch complex attacks from the comfort of my own home knowing that no one will think I'm stoopid enuf to actually do it from home - classic double bluff.

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Chips can kill: Official

Your alien overlord - fear me

Warning - I'm no scientist but ...

if it's due to reducing sugars, surely the way forward vis to coat each chip in sugar before frying them?

Makes sence to me since deep fried Mars bars have no ill effects :-)

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Microsoft makes Skype beach body ready with web browser beta release

Your alien overlord - fear me

Use freespeech.co.uk , they give a 0844 number for free which is also your login account name, very easy to remember.

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Festival tech: Charge your mobe while you queue for a pee

Your alien overlord - fear me

Re: Knife fail

No corkscrew - since when did Tenants come in a cock stoppered bottle?

No tweezers - if you can't get it out with the pliers, you're not trying hard enough.

Now, the lack of a stone removing tool for my unicorns shoes, well, no excuse there.

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Everything old is new again: Man mugged in New York, only this time for his Bitcoins

Your alien overlord - fear me

Re: Why?

He wasn't paying in BitCoins, he was selling them, probably for real money (drug dealers on the corner roads/hookers on the street rarely accept anything less than greenbacks).

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Sacré bleu! Parking machine labels French mayor ‘thieving bastard'

Your alien overlord - fear me

Why an ex-staffer if it required login details? Surely en current l'employee est un culpritee??

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Chlorine gas horror leak at Apple data center puts five in hospital

Your alien overlord - fear me
Thumb Up

Re: Posting.

And the bloke in the blue vest is staring at her Bulgarian airbags.

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It's not over 'til Saturn's spongy moon sings: Cassini probe set for final Hyperion fly-by

Your alien overlord - fear me
Alien

Photos on Sunday, released on Monday - after they've removed all the alien outposts/pyramids/faces off the images no doubt.

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Silk Road boss Ross Ulbricht to spend LIFE in PRISON without parole

Your alien overlord - fear me

For those n00bs wanting drugs to be legitimised so they can be taxed and therefore crime will go down. Haver you heard of tobacco and alcohol? Both get taxed to the hilt because they make you dependant on them and therefore will pay whatever is asked because you need them. And therefore everyone on a day drip to Calais tries to smuggle in as much as they can back to Blighty because it's cheaper. And if they can smuggle in a few crates of 'baccy, next time it just be 'for personal use' drugs, then underage sex slaves and so on. Slippery slope.

Also the 'medical benefits' argument is equally flawed - walking around with a stupid grin doesn't cure you of cancer. Shocker I know, but when 'baccy was first brought over from our colonies, it was a 'cure all'. Now we know different. Same as any other junk that's smoked. It's a death sentence.

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Chap mines Bitcoin with PUNCH CARDS and ancient mainframe

Your alien overlord - fear me

$6000 worth of Bitcoins at todays prices - but what will they be worth in 5x10^14 years?

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Sniffing and sharing Wi-Fi passwords? There's an app for that!

Your alien overlord - fear me

If it's an open wifi hotspot, where do passwords come into it? Open = no password surely even in the Middle Kingdom?

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Red-faced Germans halt NSA cooperation after Euro spying revealed

Your alien overlord - fear me

Re: Hmm

@ivan 4

gestapo were right wing as was the Nazis - where did you get educated?

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Top Spanish minister shows citizens are thick as tortillas de ballenas

Your alien overlord - fear me
Alien

Fools, everyone knows man was generically engineered by aliens - maybe I have insider knowledge :-)

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NASA guy to White House: Be really careful with that HTTPS stuff

Your alien overlord - fear me

I think it's an admin from the NSA, not NASA because it's easier to spy on the innocent using http.

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BOFH: Explain? All we need is this kay-sh with DDR3 Cortexiphan ...

Your alien overlord - fear me

Re: "Is there another internet?"

Ahh, to be that young and naive again - it was called Compuserve (or CIS for the acronymium challenged)

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RADIOACTIVE WWII aircraft carrier FOUND OFF CALIFORNIA

Your alien overlord - fear me

dumping 100's of tons of radioactive waste in the sea - even Mr Burns would glow with envy

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'ANYTHING BUT STABLE' Netflix suffers BIG Europe-wide outage

Your alien overlord - fear me

Netflix goes down as a sun flare hits earth - http://www.theregister.co.uk/2014/10/25/nasa_sun_eruption_solar_flare_x3_1_sunspot/ - coincidence?

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FATTIES: Boffins say their miracle sunshine skin cream 'prevents obesity'

Your alien overlord - fear me

Trust Me I'm a Doctor talked about nitric oxide last week - it helps open blood vessels to prevent high blood pressure. Nowt about making you thin.

I think the rubbing cream on your obese body will be all the exercise most fatties will do though.

Or picture this - two fat naked bodies and a tube of cream squirted on them then they just have to rub against each other to put the cream on places that will never see the sunlight. Picture that when you're about to sit down to dinner tonight :-)

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Will GCHQ furtle this El Reg readers' poll? Team Snowden suggests: Yes

Your alien overlord - fear me

Hang on, when James Bond 'bends' the rules, we're all happy but when GCHQ possibly, maybe, does all of a sudden it's bad?

Just saying....and hoping my GCHQ quarterly job appraisal is good :)

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Facebook 'manipulated' 700k users' feelings in SECRET EXPERIMENT

Your alien overlord - fear me

Re: First comment: Useless research from the "DUH!" dept.

Take it you don't have a Googlemail account then?

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Titan sprouts 'Magic Island', say astroboffins

Your alien overlord - fear me

If that was just a wave would this be a Titanfail (Titanfall getit) ?

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Rich bitch sorority girls actually more likely to put out than low-class 'sluts': Study

Your alien overlord - fear me
Paris Hilton

Poor journalism

Unless you've got some video proof too back it up (preferably in HD)

Paris ... nuf said

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eBay says database leak dump offers are fake

Your alien overlord - fear me

Shouldn't they be up for sale *on* eBay - that'd be a fun thing to do :-)

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Amazon Prime hot air drone service goes a-recruiting

Your alien overlord - fear me

How can a drone get anywhere in 30 minutes? Will they do like pizza shops do, after 30 minutes it's free?

Better use those old ICBMs - multiple warheads (filled with books and Civet coffee) would be a better idea.

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Boffins 3D-print biomimetic shark skin

Your alien overlord - fear me

Re: From the archives (2009)

Also, I think it was the Big Bang (BBC) that did a test against the US swimmer Phelps and the presenter was in a shark skin body stocking thing. This was also quite a few years ago.

Where's the shark with a fricking laser icon ?

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IETF plans to NSA-proof all future internet protocols

Your alien overlord - fear me

But all the snoops'll do is

put a trojan/virus on their offical gov website (such as tax returns etc), force you to do tax returns online and infect your computer that way. Who cares if the protocol is encrypted, it just means you can't check your own data pipes and see if data is being slurped to naughtyHQ

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Canuck cops cuff teen suspect in swatter-for-hire case

Your alien overlord - fear me

How do the police harm themselves responding to a call? Shirley they should do that when they get on site?

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Stop bullying SUPER FAT GODZILLA, urge movie stars

Your alien overlord - fear me
Alien

Sea rising?

Every time he goes back in the ocean the sea levels rise. Nothing to do with global warming.

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Boffins say hot air makes Antarctica COLDER

Your alien overlord - fear me

First to admit I'm no climate scientist but

even I know hot air rises and cold air sinks. Therefore the bottom of the planet will be colder than the top.

It's not rocket science folks.

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Orange France hacked AGAIN, 1.3 million victims seeing red

Your alien overlord - fear me

LAMP

Lazy Ar$e Meh Programmers

Likely ASPX Microsoft Puppets

Look At My Page

and it goes on...

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Truck-sized asteroid slips silently between Moon and Earth

Your alien overlord - fear me

New job for LOHAN - get up there and look out for new shiney things, glinting in the sun

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Twitter's got a new UK public policy wonk... 'You are the product' Big Brother Watch bloke!

Your alien overlord - fear me

Just me or is is he in Big Brother Watch becaue he's Eric's little brother?

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Ads bandog berates Virgin Media in BSkyB broadband bumf bust-up

Your alien overlord - fear me

Re: ASA

"insufficient evidence to prosecute". - police jargon for a freemason/police/MP sprog

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Brit IT workers are so stressed that 'TWO-THIRDS' want to quit

Your alien overlord - fear me

Well as a contractor currently working in a bank, the IT admin doesn't (yet) know about IP but he is planning on learning it one day. The staff/work ratio is unbeliveable. If I was in charge we could reduce the 20 head count to 3 (to cover for holidays etc). Most IT people basically should not be in IT but they joined for the large salaries,wild parties and loose women (I know I did and I'm happy). Just because you get a degree doesn't mean you're clever/intelligent/useful to the world in general.

People who get stressed at work (IT or not) basically can't manage their time/workloads properly. If your superiers says do this in x time and you know it's not possible then you should say so to *their* superiors. Just being a pussy and putting in unpaid overtime is frankly stupid and leaving you open to be abused later on.

My biggest stress is do I pop out and get another bottle of Coke or pop into M & S and get their freshly baked donuts. Am I working hard? I did a weeks worth of work in an afternoon by not running around like a headless chicken but sitting back, looking at the problem and then automating it. After all, that's what technology is there for, to make my life easier.

So, anyone whose a wimp should downvote this because it's the first step to manning up and growing a pair. I dare you.

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It's spade sellers who REALLY make a killing in a gold rush: It's OVER for graphics card mining

Your alien overlord - fear me

So, how many

vultures to a Bitcoin? Is there a proper El Reg convertion rate yet?

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