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* Posts by Get the puck outa here

43 posts • joined 19 Jun 2009

IT blokes: would you say that LEWD comment to a man? Then don't say it to a woman

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How about

Don't make stale Lindsay Lohan jokes over and over and over again.

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Google's MYSTERY barges floating off US shores: The TRUTH

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Think - tip of the iceberg

And Vogon constructor fleet.

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WET SPOT found on MARS: NASA rover says 'high percentage'

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Bicarbonate of soda will produce hydrogen and oxygen if it's heated "a little bit" to 835C.

Does that mean there is life on Alka-Seltzer?

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Microsoft: Surface is DEAD. Long live the Surface 2!

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Polishing a turd

An incremental speed increase in a failed product. Who thought of that?

Even Blackberry didn't release a Playbook 2.0!

These things will be another billion dollar write down in under a year, Ballmer's parting gift to Microsoft.

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Wrist SLAP: Samsung Galaxy Gear smartwatch hands-on

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I still don't get the point of this at all. If I want to answer my phone, text my friends, read my email, listen to music, watch a video, etc, I can do it on the phone that I already have! If I have this huge Casio-esque lump on my wrist, I still have to stop whatever I am doing to use it. Why don't I just pull out and use the phone I already own?

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Microsoft's $7.1bn Nokia gobble: Why you should expect the unexpected

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Remember Pink/Kin? Neither do I.

Nokia told Microsoft, "Win8 phone sales suck and are never getting better. We're going to quit making them."

Ballmer panics and buys Nokia's phone making division.

The deal is sealed, then Ballmer is fired when the board sees what he has done.

MS is already setting itself up as a patent troll shell company with all of those protection racket style agreements with Android phone makers. "Nice phone. Shame if anybody was to sue you over patent infringements..."

Once it splits off software/patents into its only money making division, the hardware division will go the way of RIM and Motorola.

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Top 10 Steve Ballmer quotes: '%#&@!!' and so much more

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The larger the dinosaur, the longer it takes for the signal to travel up to the brain.

And the signal is: "Oh shit, I'm dead!"

Microsoft has never figured out that the user experience is the key. Even if other people think that "ease of use" = "toy", I will use a toy if it lets me get things done.

The sad thing about Windows 8 was that, within ten minutes of installing the beta, I could tell it was horrible. Everybody except shills in the press said that it was horrible and kept saying it for a year before it was released, and yet MS (ie Ballmer) kept telling the world "you just don't get it".

A CEO with half a brain should have been listening, but it took ages (in computer time) for MS to respond, grudgingly, with Win 8.1. Meanwhile everybody who just didn't get it either stayed with WinXP or Win7, or switched to something else. And the Surface fiasco reiterated that MS had no clue how to appeal to end users.

Blackberry/RIM has pretty much admitted it will give up on hardware/OS and become BBM for other, more successful wireless devices, after dumping CEOs that really didn't get it. In a longer time frame, Microsoft will end up as Office apps for Android/iOS.

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YouTube Wars: Microsoft cries foul as Windows Phone app pulled again

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Reminds me of Godzilla vs the Smog Monster, or the Iran Iraq war. Most people watching don't care who is right or wrong, they're happy to see two evil entities fighting it out, and hope they do a lot of damage to each other.

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Microsoft honcho pleads with media: 'Stop picking on us!'

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Re: How about you listen to feedback _before_ you RTM next time?

Win8 is not suitable for anything but touchscreens. Within hours of the beta release, early adopters spotted that fatal limitation, because they installed it on laptops and desktops without touchscreens.

In typical corporate-think style, Ballmer et al. began shouting down any negative comments as disloyal, biased, or naive, and those people all stopped complaining and went back to Windows7.

Now that the "respectable" press like The Economist has taken up the issue, MS has progressed from sneering to whining.

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Another blow for Flash as Unity gaming engine kills support

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FAIL

Good Riddance

Flash produces nothing but sluggish web sites and weekly security alarms.

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Samsung's new Galaxy S 4: iPhone assassin or Android also-ran?

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FAIL

ios sucks. no, android sucks. you're a nazi... your all idiot's!!1!!!

There. Another internet flame war comes to an end.

By the bye, did anybody notice that Samsung's presentation was a cringeworthy pile of puke? They've made the video private on Youtube, that's how proud they are.

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Forstall ousted from Apple after refusing to apologise for Maps

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Kitsch and skeuomorphism

The Calendar app in OS X 10.7 looks just plain stupid. Leatherette trim with stitching along the top border. When you want to page ahead you have to wait for a simulated page to turn. If Forstall laid his job on the line for that feature, then good riddance.

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Headaches, delays plague Windows Store, dev claims

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Slow Learners

So all this time playing catch up with Apple's app store, they learned absolutely nothing? They didn't read any of the complaints about Apple being slow and arbitrary and say, "Hey, we can be better than that!"???

The Win8 launch was kind of sad and cringe worthy, watching the execs struggle to make their laptops do anything useful, needing repeated attempts while pretending the trackpad was just like a touch screen. Even Ballmer couldn't work up the energy to do a monkey dance. I was hoping he'd go Gangnam Style. The CNET commentary ended with "well, that was an anticlimax."

So in three year's time we'll see if there's anything except Angry Birds in the Win App Store.

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Ay caramba, Ubuntu 12.10: Get it right on Amazon!

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Facepalm

NSFW insta-searches

I'm a slow typist. I'll have to stop searching for Scunthorpe United, or Dildo Run Park in Newfoundland.

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Whopping supersonic-car rocket rattles idyllic Cornwall

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Unhappy

Re: Not really a ‘car’, is it?

I agree with you.

To call it a land based vehicle, the wheels should be driven by the engine.

This is a rocket with just enough downforce to keep it on a carriage.

Impressive. Noisy. Fast.

But it's not a "car".

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Liquefied-air silos touted as enormo green 'leccy batteries

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Re: Pumping water up hill...

Pumped storage hydro-electricity has an efficiency of about 70%. You run electric pumps (off peak) using your excess baseline power and pump water into an elevated reservoir. During peak time the water runs back down through the same pumps which become generators through the magic of, well, through no magic at all.

There are two of these in Scotland. The Soviets built one in Lithuania back in the olden days.

Now, if you put in some windmills to run a separate set of pumps, you could have renewable energy rather than baseline energy doing the filling. The reservoir becomes your energy storage "battery" and voila! -renewable energy is practical and efficient and you've only had to dam and flood all the glens in the highlands to keep the lights on in London. Who could possibly object to that?

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Nokia apologizes for faking Lumia 920 ad

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Perhaps Samsung can add a disclaimer to their ads,

"Simulation of iOS technology"

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Designer punked fanbois with asymmetric screw

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Proving once again that

the interweb spreads ignorance at nearly the speed of light.

The next milestone will be the Shergold date, when the image and rumour resurface in spite of the fact that the hoax is common knowledge.

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Microsoft dumps Metro from Windows 8

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Facepalm

Metro=Underground=Tube=Subway

MUTS? MUST? TUMS? SMUT?

None of those really work.

Metro is a supermarket chain in Canada. I doubt they sued, though.

I was so looking forward to being labelled a Metrosexual when I fell in love with Win8's 4-bit colour squares and touch screen interface on my 27" monitor. But then my arms got tired. Damn you Saint Jobs, you were right again!

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Why I love Microsoft’s vapourware tablet

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Re: The Crash

That's not a BSOD. That's network overload...

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Google+ dying on its arse – shock new poll

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Seriously

I created a Facebook account just to enter contests and get free shit.

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Only global poverty can save the planet, insists WWF - and the ESA!

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You just need some inspiration.

Pol Pot should be on the cover of the WWF report.

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Vote now for the worst movie NEVER made

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Late to the party

Oh The Places You'll Go!

Mike Meyers and Jim Carrey take turns sodomizing Ted Geisel's corpse (played by Demi Moore in yet another of her cinematic rape fantasies).

Paris Hilton's directorial debut.

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Canada failing to sufficiently protect IP rights – US report

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Part of a pattern

It's a standard political/economic pressure tactic to remind Canada who is boss. The evidence is not there but many Americans believe that pirated movies all come from Canada. They also still believe that the terrorists responsible for the Sept 11, 2001 attacks crossed the border between Vermont and Ontario, as mentioned on West Wing (Google Map that one!), rather than commuting between Florida and Saudi Arabia for months. A major power failure in 2003 started in Ohio, but was initially blamed on an Ontario power plant. And so it goes.

Sadly, the present regime in Canada is very open to this influence. They are implementing copyright laws influenced by RIAA and MPAA lobby groups. They are giving personal information to the TSA and banning Canadians from domestic flights based on US "no fly" lists, as if they have to seek permission from American authorities before Canadian citizens fly from Toronto to Vancouver.

Note the changes recently introduced to the national anthem:

"Oh-bah-ama

Whatever you say goes

Please, when you sit

Watch out for Harper's nose."

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Gaia scientist Lovelock: 'I was WRONG and alarmist on climate'

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Hyperbole is literally the worst possible thing in the universe ever!!!

And don't anthropomorphize the planet. She hates that.

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Has Microsoft finally killed off Windows 8 Start button?

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WTF?

Windows 8

I installed the trial version.

I marvelled at the pastel Post It notes on the screen and the lack of the (misnamed) START button.

The only thing worse than pastel Post It notes on the screen is a bunch of "live" Post It notes on the screen and the fans running to cool down the CPU even when I'm doing nothing.

I used the new improved 12 step process to shut down and then I wiped the partition.

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Gay-bashing cult plans picket of Steve Jobs funeral

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Paris Hilton

Please please please ignore publicity whore trolls.

I have told my four year old that when we walk down the street, she does not have to point out every dog turd in a loud voice. If she can learn that, surely the press can, too.

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Logitech fined for bogus bug-busting keyboard ad

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Facepalm

You mean

Using my antibacterial keyboard while jogging on the spot in my ass improving sneakers is not going to do me any good at all?

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Explaining the Chocolate Factory's Patent Panic

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Mushroom

John C Dvorak vs goat entrails

Before anything John Dvorak says, especially about Apple, has any relevance, Hedy Lamarr's ghost will have risen and sued everybody for using her spread spectrum broadcasting technology, thereby bankrupting the entire cellphone industry. And that will happen after the solar flares have wiped out our satellites and made terrestrial wireless communication impossible.

I'm buying up army surplus hand cranked handsets and lots of wire...

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Chinese coal blamed for global warming er... cooling

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A famous scientist once told me

"You could fill a library with the publications whose conclusions are dependent on flawed pseudo random number generation algorithms."

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Earth orbit for £1,000? You must be joking

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With Gerald Bull's Supergun

19.99g would be a piece of piss. If anybody (other than Saddam Hussein) had put a tiny percentage of the money wasted on the space shuttle program into developing Bull's HARP (not HAARP), we'd be popping GPS and comsats into space for peanuts.

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IPCC report: Renewables can never meet energy demand

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Renewable vs sustainable

So non-renewable energy is going to make up a larger and larger fraction of an ever increasing demand. That's got to end well.

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Google: Street View spycars did slurp your Wi-Fi

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Thumb Down

Google accidentally harvested data?

That's like a man saying to his wife, "Sorry, honey, I accidentally screwed your sister."

And should generate the same amount of lasting trust.

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Apple prepping 'Explicit' App Store?

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As Marge Simpson said

Why would anybody need so much porn?

More importantly, why would anybody pay for porn? I realize that the demand for (relatively) anonymous pornography was the foundation for Polaroid, VCRs, and the commercial internet, but there's no need to pay for anything except an ISP connection.

Smut on the internet is the biggest renewable resource in the world, and unless you're a washed up rock star cum pedophile, it's available free.

Just consume it out of sight of your mom and your boss and the TV camera behind you.

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Hubble snaps space conker bonk aftermath

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WTF?

First convert to slugs per second

What if Paris Hilton was flying a Foxbat and fired a canon at a dinosaur whose tail always points away from the sun? Would she make any sound?

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New analysis points to ancient Martian ocean, river valleys

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FAIL

This planet is dead!

- No, it's resting!

And the fact that all the tests for any signs of life came up negative means...?

-We stunned it just as it was waking up!

These guys are so desperate to find life/water on Mars they will ignore all evidence to the contrary.

Go back to reading Asimov and stop wasting money.

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Scots slam Germans for 'tight-arsed' slur

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Things are looking up

Obviously the economy is improving in Scotland if the SNP has nothing better to do than whine about irrelevant stuff like this.

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Microsoft in Bing jingle kiddie vid outrage

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Dear Lord please make them stop!

Next, Microsoft will bring back the dancing baby to do a "Bing goes the internet" dance.

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Microsoft drops Family Guy like a hot deaf guy joke

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Pint

Hey, what's this? It's got a good beat!

It seems that Microsoft has no idea how to advertise its products, and looks increasingly desperate and out of touch with each ad campaign. Since The Mary Whitehouse Experience has been off the air longer than Seinfeld, but was much funnier in its prime, I think Microsoft should do a combined ad for both Windows 7 and Songsmith, with Ballmer as the embarrassing dad who can't dance.

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Get the puck outa here
WTF?

I get it!

Family Guy is the only thing on TV unfunnier than Seinfeld.

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Apple confirms Windows 7 support for Mac OS X boot camp

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Megaphone

Oooh, a pissing contest!

I have Snow Leopard, Windows 7 Beta and Ubuntu all living happily in triple boot heaven on a 2007 vintage MacBook.

So far I'd say it's 99%, 0.005%, and 0.995% in terms of usage.

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Microsoft 'restores' Sidekick contacts, sort of

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FAIL

Let the class action suits begin!

Attention Sidekick users!

The NSA is still sorting through the database.

Meanwhile, here's $100 for your trouble.

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Canucks buy 300 teraflops Blue iDataPlex super

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Flame

What do Canadians want with so many teraflops?

We're trying to find Prime Minister Harper's heart.

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