* Posts by Marketing Hack

3198 posts • joined 18 Jun 2009

Lindsay Lohan ‘happy’ to turn on Kettering

Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Headmaster

Flame-haired ACRESS?

Missing a consonant there, guys.

I heard Ms. Lohan also tweeted a congrats to the Shetland Islands when they voted remain. It would be nice if they sent her a fruit basket or something.

0
0

The best way to find oxygen on Mars? Friggin LASERS, of course

Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Alien

Having sharks onboard allows you to search for water at the same time!

3
0

Countdown to Jupiter: Juno just seven days from orbit

Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Joke

Re: I just can't help it, by Jove

You can always go for the Abbot @ Costello "Who's on first" angle.

Q: Whats the name of that new space probe?

A: Ju-no

Q: No!, I don't know! Why would I ask you if I knew?!"

Repeat variations on this riff for 10 minutes.

1
0

NASCAR team red-flagged by ransomware attack

Marketing Hack
Silver badge

Re: Secrets? What secrets?

And if you ain't first, you're last.

0
0

PM resigns as Britain votes to leave EU

Marketing Hack
Silver badge

Re: erm

If the EU-India agreement is what you stated, British IT workers may have dodged a bullet. Offering labor mobility to workers who come in at 50-70 cents on the dollar vs. local workers is a horrible idea.

0
0
Marketing Hack
Silver badge
IT Angle

Re: erm

To be fair though, the less-educated were the ones receiving the most competition and resulting wage and job pressure due to immigration. If tomorrow, a quarter million qualified IT workers arrived in the UK, within a month this website would be full of "where did all these damned foreigners come from" complaints.

3
0

Home Office ignores plight of BA techies as job offshoring looms

Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Holmes

And people wonder how the vote for Brexit happened?

My guess is that a lot of it involved real or perceived instances where people's jobs were threatened, they appealed to various members of the establishment to get some help or clarification, were ignored for their trouble and then had their jobs outsourced to "immigrants".

Then they "stuck it to The Man" at the ballot box.

9
0

Germany: If Brits vote to Remain, we'll admit Hurst's 1966 goal was a goal

Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Headmaster

Re: Brits--gift from America if you vote to remain.

Nope, it was Britain that ceded Detroit to the USA, so it goes back to you. I don't think Canada recognizes Detroit as a place anyway. I've heard that Canadian maps show the Ambassador Bridge exiting into a blank space labeled "Here there be monsters".

3
0
Marketing Hack
Silver badge

Brits--gift from America if you vote to remain.

We can't fully forget the unpleasantness of 240 years ago, but I have it on good authority that we'll let you have Newark, New Jersey and Detroit back. Maybe the Bronx too.

3
1

All this Brexit talk derailed UK tech spending, right? That's a big fat NOPE

Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Thumb Down

I'm in America, and you can't escape Brexit stories here!

And we have our own lesser-of-two-weasels election going on at the same time :/

4
0

'Nobody cares about your heart-rate'

Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Facepalm

Nobody cares about your heart rate...

Except that the insecure API to your heart rate monitoring app can provide an avenue to attack something more important/lucrative on your device/PC/network.

7
0

Microsoft cancels Remain speech after death of Labour MP

Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Windows

Re: That's settled then

@ Terry Barnes

"How many minimum wage employees do you think Microsoft has in the UK? Or anywhere?"

The real question that impacts the Brexit vote is how many MORE minimum wage employees would MS like to have in the UK? Or anywhere (where they can outsource higher-paid jobs currently in Britain)?

5
1

You lucky creatures! Mammals only JUUUST survived asteroid that killed dinosaurs

Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Angel

Thankfully, God's can of Raid ran out.

"Well, I'll get another can and finish the little bastards off when I go shopping next week."

5
0

Stopped buying Oracle's kit? You've literally decimated its profit

Marketing Hack
Silver badge

Re: Gurgle...

Yes, there were lots of people who were sad to see Sun Microsystems go, but if Oracle is subsumed, there aren't going to be many tears shed. I don't think that's likely, but that company is about as loveable as...Larry Ellison.

4
0

Lester Haines: RIP

Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Unhappy

Sad news!

There are plenty of tech publications, but Lester's combination of quirky wit, applied technology and continuous amusement helped make The Register special.

7
0

Boffins decipher manual for 2,000-year-old Ancient Greek computer

Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Windows

Well, i am glad to hear that the original functionality was documented...

Before the mandatory Windows 10 download screws everything up!

(Oh come on. This is el Reg--you KNEW that joke was coming.)

2
0
Marketing Hack
Silver badge
IT Angle

Re: Abort, retr.......????

This is also history's first example of getting rid of your old gear in e-Bay!!

7
0

Walgreens drops Theranos

Marketing Hack
Silver badge

Ouch!

Well, that almost bakes it for Theranos. They won't get another major retail partner until they can deliver an accurate test and a workable channel program. And they won't get a decent valuation until they can successfully demonstrate the scale that is facilitated by retail partners.

2
0

Microsoft's paid $60 per LinkedIn user – and it's a bargain, because we're mugs

Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Windows

Just sit still, this won't hurt a bit.

"Today Microsoft announced that a LinkedIn users will require a Windows Live login to access the service. Also, to improve the user experience, LinkedIn service will only be compatible with the Windows 10 operating system."

2
0

US plans intervention in EU vs Facebook case caused by NSA snooping

Marketing Hack
Silver badge

The jist of this U.S. government intervention will be...

"Nice external investment from the U.S. you got there, Ireland. You know, a man should take care of his external investment--see that nothing happens to it."

7
0

In obesity fight, UK’s heavy-handed soda tax beats US' watered-down warning

Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Stop

Re: 'Other people are doing things I don't like'

@AC

Taxation isn't coercion? OK, I challenge you to NOT pay your tax, and see what happens next. The best you can look forward to is a cashier telling you "Well, you're right that the price tag on that item is $1.00, but with tax it's $1.10. If you don't pay the 10 cents tax, you can't have the item." If you push your position to payroll, income or property taxes you will find your bank accounts frozen, your home repossessed and yourself in front of a judge.

4
1

You. Comcast, TWC, Charter, DirecTV, Dish. Get in here and explain yourselves – Congress

Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Trollface

Thank God!

"Senate's Permanent Subcommittee on Investigations has called on the nation's cable and satellite providers to testify about their customer service failings"

That will give us something to watch that is longer and more interesting than the Presidential election!

4
0

Bill Gates cooks up poultry recipe for Africans' paltry existence

Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Facepalm

So the natural result of all this chicken-raising is...

That chicken prices drop and prices for chicken feed and care go up. Plus you have to build and guard an enclosure for these very vulnerable birds. So there goes your economics.

However, thanks for the advice Bill. I'll try to remember that when the productivity hit from continuous Windows 10 nagware and upgrades has reduced me to extreme poverty :)

2
3

One entire US spook base: Yours for $1m+

Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Go

Another option for redevelopment...

Would be buying this and redeveloping it into a Kafkaesque imprisonment/interrogation/re-education center, complete with brightly-colored houses and sentient giant self-inflating, escapee-enveloping beachballs for guards.

7
0

Surveillance forestalls more 'draconian' police powers – William Hague

Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Big Brother

This is very reminiscent of the old budget-cutting dodge.

"You need us to cut the city budget? Sure!, we'll start with police, fire engines and schools. How do you like those cuts?"

"You need us to allow private phone and email communication? Sure!, we'll require a stool sample, a camera in your bedroom so we can see you are not kiddy-raping and this will sting a bit, but we have to insert an RFID chip in your left buttcheek!"

0
0

Q: Is it wrong to dress as a crusader for an England match?

Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Facepalm

Politial correctness gone mad

Yes, it's ok to dress up as a knight in a St George's flag tabard. However, I'm sure the BBC would rather that everyone come to the game as historically accurate peasants, unwashed and fleabitten.

0
0

Model's horrific rape case may limit crucial online free speech law

Marketing Hack
Silver badge

I don't know. If the company knew of the POTENTIAL that someone might abuse the service to target vulnerable parties, then I don't see a problem. In that case there is not much difference from placing a classified ad in a newspaper and targeting respondents.

If the website had reason to believe something nefarious was going on, then that is another issue.

8
1

Engine warning light appears on Uber's $100m driver settlement

Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Headmaster

Re: Picking a Future

@Big John

Uber is on record as wanting to embrace self-driving vehicles once they are ready. So in 5-10 years, 90% of Uber driver jobs will go away anyway, with a small number left to take care of people who want a ride but don't trust self-driving vehicles.

And Uber is not a good entry-level job. One, younger entry-level workers are usually worse drivers, and as such get disproportionally weeded out by Uber's complaints/review process. Two, the job actually requires a fairly new-model car. I have a 2008 Mazda with less than 70K miles on it, and my car supposedly doesn't qualify. So you need money/credit to buy a newer model car, and money and credit aren't something that entry-level workers have a lot of.

10
1

Even in remotest Africa, Windows 10 nagware ruins your day: Update burns satellite link cash

Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Windows

Re: "Microsoft should also hand over a big donation...

And we've got these leftover Zune MP3 players! :)

9
0

Aquaboffins sink lost Greek city theory

Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Black Helicopters

You guys are suckers.

Do you really expect the scientific establishment to tell you that the sunken ancient extraterrestrial astronoaut base is actually a sunken ancient extraterrestrial astronaut base?

(And there's no pottery because the aliens ate only pills or got their nutrients by draining the blood from their benighted human slaves!)

16
0

Software snafu let EU citizens get referendum vote, says Electoral Commission

Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Black Helicopters

*Cough* FIX!! *Cough*

That is all.

5
1

King Tut's iron dagger of extraterrestrial origin

Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Alien

I actually got to see that dagger when Tut's artifacts were in San Francisco several years back

The scabbard is extremely impressive.

Too bad that the Andromeda that came down with the iron in the dagger killed Tut!!

2
0

Arrests for 'offensive' Twitter and Facebook messages up by a third

Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Stop

I'd like to see examples of some of this speech

In many cases in America, it's not legal to threaten someone with bodily harm, but these arrests for material that seems to be just time-wasting is pretty draconian.

2
0

'Windows 10 nagware: You can't click X. Make a date OR ELSE'

Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Stop

I can understand not waning to support multiple OS

But there are WAY to many complexities with forcing an upgrade onto hardware you don't know. If I were a group of small businesses, I might consider class action if MS hoses my productivity with there one-size-fits-all BS.

13
0

Milky Weigh: Galaxy in kg is...

Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Headmaster

Kilogams is so European...

I think that this article would be more accessible to all Reg readers if you converted kilograms to kilocats, or double decker buses.

1
1

Juno yields to Jupiter's gravitational embrace

Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Black Helicopters

Maybe the whole ' we''re going to put a probe in Jovian orbit and carefully deorbit" is a cover story because they found an important target. Shoggoths and other tentacled horrors like a methane atmosphere, right?

1
0
Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Alien

Re: How will this end?

It will be reported not a weather balloon, but a rare dull-colored pocket of oxygen in Jupiter's luminescent swamp gas atmosphere!

2
0

Republicans move to gut FCC and crush its net neutrality crusade with paralyzing budget rules

Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Stop

I guess this year's corporate contributions arrived in DC

"Honest, no strings attached! Well, one small string...there's this agency in charge of telecommunications."

12
0

Dropbox gets all up in your kernel with Project Infinite. Cue uproar

Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Linux

As Jeff Goldblum would say:

"Yeah, yeah, but your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn't stop to think if they should."

(As you read that, imagine Tux with pterodactyl wings)

0
0

Euro Patent Office prez's brake line cut – aka how to tell you're not popular

Marketing Hack
Silver badge

Re: Can't we give him to the USPTO?

What did us Americans do to deserve that? Besides, we've got enough power-mad public officials over here, what with Trump on the ballot

5
2

More than half of people on UK counter-terror biometrics databases are innocent

Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Thumb Down

Another clusterf*ck moment brought to us by the "War on Terror"...

So the cops can retain biometric data, unless they are told not to, in which case they can waive that order and keep the data anyway.

The golden rule of any bureaucracy is that it NEVER surrenders anything, unless faced with actual budget cuts.

12
1

Judge torpedoes 'Tor pedo' torpedo evidence

Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Black Helicopters

Re: What's the point in keeping it secret?

The source of the exploit might be the NSA, and the NSA has not authorized the FBI to divulge the exploit in criminal court to go after alledged pedophiles. That's because the exploit is being used in hundreds of other intelligence operations run by the NSA/GCHQ/insert name of shadowy sigint agency here.

0
0

Whitman deletes another chapter in HP history as CSC and ES borg

Marketing Hack
Silver badge

I think you have to get rid of the units that were not producing growth, while at the same time consuming lots of management attention. I think this is probably the right move for HP, and it does allow them to rebuild relationships with their distribution partners.

Hopefully once they are focused on the partners and equipment customers, a new round of product improvements and innovation can occur.

3
1

US 5th graders have a pop at paper plane record

Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Paris Hilton

"look forward to further attempts to push the envelope."

I see what you did there.

But did these various school students celebrate with SPB-designed, dialysis-inducing cocktails afterward?

1
0

China caught astroturfing social networks

Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Go

Comrade Marketing Hack say:

China A #1!! Running dog English tech publication not understand the PRC! The PRC is harmonious, with many happy feelings! The Chinese people's spirit aroused in anger by these lies!! Marketing Hack take strong revenge for England stealing Hong Kong from rightful owners and forcing opium to honorable ancestors!

12
1

Wayne Rooney razzles in X-Men: Apocalypse plug

Marketing Hack
Silver badge

Re: now that might have been brilliant IF

That's Rose Leslie's line!

1
0
Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Paris Hilton

That's excrutiatingly bad.

I mean, truly cringe-worthy. I know the answer is "beat them with huge bags of money until they cried uncle", but how did they get Jennifer Lawrence and James McAvoy to do that commercial?

If this is the future of human civilization, you might find me cheering for Apocalypse in a theater near you.

(Paris, because she could teach the principals in this commercial a thing or two about professional integrity.)

7
0

EMC, Cisco and pals nail colours to the EU Remain mast

Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Meh

Re: Dear little people

Yes, I think we've previously, repeatedly and clearly established that big business wants the UK to stay in the EU. The question is whether this corporate armtwisting has reached the point beyond diminishing returns, and is in fact driving more votes into the exit camp.

3
0

Mars satellites show remains of massive tsunamis that ravaged Red Planet

Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Mushroom

This is we have no Martian neighnors

General: Asteroid incoming! Lieutenant, call Bruce Willis!!

Lieutenant: Yes sir!....Ummm, who's Bruce Willis?

4
0

CIA says it 'accidentally' nuked torture report hard drive

Marketing Hack
Silver badge
Black Helicopters

Langley has decided that the truth can never be known!

It's like some 70s political thriller, except there isn't some poor schmo who thinks wearing a vest and striped slacks is "with it".

1
0

Forums