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* Posts by Marketing Hack

1782 posts • joined 18 Jun 2009

Obama allows NSA to exploit 0-days: report

Marketing Hack
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Thumb Down

Once again, we REALLY need to move U.S. Cybersecurity Command out of the NSA

The NSA has already proven that the historical "collect everything" bias is going to trump their newer responsibility to "protect everything". Its dangerous to the U.S., the tech industry in general and the other 6.7 billion people on this rock.

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NSA denies it knew about and USED Heartbleed encryption flaw for TWO YEARS

Marketing Hack
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Unhappy

The problem with the NSA's denial is that they no longer have any credibility

They were obviously taking advantage of the vulnerabilities in iOS and Windows before they were public. And they were taking advantage of the unencrypted traffic traveling between Yahoo! and Google datacenters before that vulnerability was made public. So why not Heartbleed too?

I don't KNOW that the NSA knew about Heartbleed and exploited the vulnerability instead of closing it. But the one indisputable fact is that IF the NSA (or any of the other 5 Eyes or Western SigInt agencies) were exploiting Heartbleed, the first thing they would do when queried about their use of it would be to "lie & deny" to protect a classified SigInt program. That's where we are now.

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Russian deputy PM: 'We are coming to the Moon FOREVER'

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Re: Could not have timed it better

@Ecofeco

And yet today, the U.S. spends less of its GDP on defense than it did during the Apollo program era, and produces more college grads and scientists now than then. And it's not like the EU or anyone else in the developed world has stepped into the gap, if flying to the moon is such a bestower of "momentum, will and advantage".

Let's not dress up arguments about why nobody has gone to the moon in 40 years (NOT 47!) with fictions based on inaccurate data.

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UFO, cosmic ray or flasher? NASA rules on Curiosity curiosity

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It's John Carter's campfire...

The poor guy obviously moved to Mars to get away from us, and now we are tracking him down with a nuclear-powered laser tank!

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Samsung slurps up full charge in 30 seconds with bio-battery

Marketing Hack
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What you sayin' about battery size, el Reg?

What do you mean nobody would want a brick-phone! Its the perfect cellphone theft deterrent!

A) The phone presents many heavy blunt object self-defense options.

B) Should daring crooks avoid head trauma and contusions and actually get the phone from you, the cops will catch them 3 blocks away, exhausted from carrying their ill-gotten gains!

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USA opposes 'Schengen cloud' Eurocentric routing plan

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Meh

I can understand the potential foreign trade implications...

But having a "We run a Europe-only network" can be a commercial differentiator. Kind of like "All our furniture is made in the U.S.A.". And it's something that American server providers can do too, they just locate all the datacenters and fiber in Europe for customers that want "Europe only" service.

And the Schengen cloud comes with pitfalls too. "We're a European company and for security we have used "Europe-only" data services. But now we want to open an office in New York/Shanghai/Singapore--so I guess we need to change".

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I QUIT: Mozilla's anti-gay-marriage Brendan Eich leaps out of door

Marketing Hack
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So now we are ruining people's careers over constitutionally protected political activity?

So if I donate money to Planned Parenthood, I can be hounded out of my job by right-to-lifers? If I donate to a global-warming skeptic group, I can be hounded as an agent of "ecocide" or even genocide by environmentalists? If I donate to a charter school or charter school initiative, I can be fired because teachers and public employee unions threaten to boycott the company I work for?

There are some truly messianic, lost-all-perspective cryptofascists out there, and Brendan Eich and democratic debate in general was just victimized by them.

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Google to Supremes: End this Street View fight once and for all

Marketing Hack
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Ridiculous legal argument

So a third party who is snooping on a network is the same as an employee or security contractor who is hired to secure the network, simply because both look for unencrypted and/or identifying network traffic?

That's like saying that an arsonist is on the same legal ground as a fireman, because they might both go to your home with combustion in mind...

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Microsoft: Let's be clear, WE won't read your email – but the cops will

Marketing Hack
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Windows

I'd have to wonder about the smarts of a leaker...

Who leaked MS' intellectual property to a web services account controlled by MS.

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'I like big butts and I cannot lie, hackers take Pinterest on a joyride'

Marketing Hack
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I'd complain about the chidish use of derriere synonyms...

But my family would be bummed if I was behind some asinine conviction that I 'can' get to the bottom of el Regs attempt to make Pinterest the butt of a joke.

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Terminator-maker 'Cyberdyne Inc' lists on Tokyo stock exchange

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Devil

Eh, I'm not going to worry abou the Rise of the Machines...

Unless Cyberdyne uses its new mountain o' mammon to execute the "kill all humans" hat-trick and buy into a leadership role in the Skylon project.

In that case, the games up for you fleshopods and I am going Boltar on you all. I'm thinking old school Boltar too, since Boltar 2.0 was so obviously beta that he could be sweet-talked into giving his network password to any slinky blonde with a penchant for genocide. Plus I could really rock that "O-G" Boltar cape...

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UK.gov! frets! over! Yahoo! exodus! to! RIPA-free! Dublin!

Marketing Hack
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Well, if the Home Office is concerned, then it's probably a positive for civil liberties...

These guys have been a perfect negative indicator for civil liberties for what now? At least since Blair came to power, and probably before that??

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NSA 'hunted sysadmins' to find CAT PHOTOS, high-level passwords

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Two thoughts on this article...

1. So the NSA only goes after criminals, terrorists, enemy agents or the leadership of unfriendly nations--or sysadmins and network engineers who. probably have no knowledge that the bad guys are even on their network. Or the friends and family of the sysadmin, looking for some shared password or info to help compromise the sysadmin. And of course the NSA doesnt care if the sysadmin's career gets affected if they are viewed by their mangement as lax about security.

2. Sysadmins can get away with anything? Poetically, Edward Snowden came to the same conclusion...

NSA=f'in scumbags

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GIANT FLESH-EATING DEVIL CHICKENS roamed North Dakota

Marketing Hack
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Re: El Pollo Diablo* ?

@ Blofeld's Cat

Finally a use for the CostCo 5 gallon drum of barbecue sauce!!

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Marketing Hack
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Joke

In Soviet Russia...

Chicken eat you for dinner!!

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NSA spies recorded an entire COUNTRY'S phone calls for a MONTH: Report

Marketing Hack
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Joke

Re: Threat Identification

@ Hollerith 1

Maybe you crafty Canucks can start inserting random, unprocessed splinters into your exports of TP across the border.

And potash!! "Do our bidding, America! Or the begonias get it!!"

(Starts whistling "Blame Canada!")

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Wackadoo DIYers scissor-kick beatboxer

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Headmaster

I'm surprised that some of these haven't been in the dictionary for years

"Demobilized" just making it into the Oxford English Dictionary? Even "beatboxer" has been around for a 2-3 decades now.

I guess the OED really is run by guys who look like the chosen icon...

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Behold, the TITCHY T-REX that prowled the warm Arctic of long ago

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Boffin

"B" in the infographic....

Is one big-ass scary lizard! I could probably take it at arm-wrestling though.

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US govt: You, ICANN. YOU can run the internet. We quit

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IT Angle

Re: Oh the Humanity!!!

Careful now, if they get frustrated over the choice in snacks, they may break it out of spite!!

"Pretzels again!! I'm on a low-sodium diet!! This makes me soooo ANGRY that I almost want to press this shiny, red button on the console!!.......(computer voice) RANDOMIZED REASSIGNMENT OF GLOBAL IP ADDRESSES COMMENCED! HAVE A NICE DAY!!

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That NSA denial in full: As of right now, we're not pretending to be Facebook or Twitter

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Black Helicopters

Dont worry, its not just non-Americans they are after!

They can go after Americans who have the temerity to communicate with those outside the U.S.....Wait??....The Reg is HQ'd in Britain???...................LOYAL AMERICAN HERE!!!....Barack Obama, yaaaayyyyy!!.....I swear those stories of my family being related to Benedict Arnold are lies told by people who owe me money!

Here, I'll prove it!!.....My country tis' of thee!! Arrest someone else--not me! My lawyer I ring!....

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NSA's TURBINE robot can pump 'malware into MILLIONS of PCs'

Marketing Hack
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So now they are impersonating Facebook...

I have no real love for FB, though it does have its uses. However, the NSA and friends are leaving quite a list of corporate collateral damage on their way to their secure nirvana. If I were LinkedIn, FB and Yahoo!, I would start looking for a California Senatorial candidate who is much better on civil liberties than Dianne "It's fine if they spy on you, as long as they don't spy on me" Feinstein.

It's a pity that these companies can't just sue Uncle Sam for damaging their brand and goodwill in the marketplace.

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X marks the... They SAID there was a mystery planet there – NASA

Marketing Hack
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Re: Looking for Planet X?

That's why we can't find Planet X, because Daffy and Marvin blew it up back in the 1950s!!

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Marketing Hack
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Boffin

Well, I'm glad there doesn't seem to be a Nemisis star...

Since from what I understand, Earth was due for another Nemisis-induced mass extinction in a few million years. I'd think that a smaller planet would also be a risk of upsetting the potential comments of the Oort cloud though.

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Show more CANADIAN-MADE PORN, insists Canadian government

Marketing Hack
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Imagining Canadian porn...

Oh, you caught me just out of the shower! Well, my husband's not home, let's get to it, eh??

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Marketing Hack
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Go

Re: Closed captions?

And does a French maid count at all towards meeting this quota??

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Marketing Hack
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Re: What about...

Well, someone has to keep the truckers company...

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Women! You too can be 'cool' and 'fun' if you work in tech!

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Trollface

el Reg demonstrates WHY there are so few women in tech!

Obviously, the woman in the picture is celebrating her ground-breaking invention of the Tesla effect-powered monitor! What's a girl gotta do to get some credit 'round here??

She doesn't seem to have a Watson to "come here" in her moment of discovery, but no doubt she is yelling "Siri!!--NEAREST WINE BAR!!". Sadly, Siri isn't answering, because all that induced current has fried every mobile phone for 100 yards in all directions. Come to think of it, that probably explains what happened to Watson, who got a pacemaker last year...

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Google's mystery barge flounces out of San Fran, heads to Stockton

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Black Helicopters

Makes no sense as a Google Glass/advanced tech showroom

Why would they move it to Stockton if it were? Stockton isn't the end of the Earth, but its going to be hard to get lots of tech consumers to drive out there for a demonstration. Likewise makes no sense as an exec retreat for Google execs, who are now 80 miles away.

I'm voting for secret multi-media indoctrination center! Imagine being strapped into a chair "Clockwork Orange" style, while Larry Page voiceover keeps repeating "Google Glass is chic and stylish! Google+ is your friend!!"

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Global Warming IS REAL, argues sceptic mathematician - it just isn't THERMAGEDDON

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Holmes

Re: Oooh, for a second, I thought this was going to be another Lewis article!

The last guy paid me with Bitcoin, but now it seems to be missing...

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Happy

Oooh, for a second, I thought this was going to be another Lewis article!

I've got the popcorn going anyway--extra butter. Who wants some??!

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Hubble 'scope snaps 200,000-ton chunky crumble conundrum

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Alien

Someone check Bruce Willis' alibi!!

The guy gets away with it once, and now he thinks he has the right to push around every space-rock that comes along...

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Blimey! ANOTHER Bitcoin bleed brouhaha

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@AC

Its probably Tyler Durden's army of "space monkeys" behind the whole thing!

And in more Bitcoin-related oddity the 28 year-old CEO of a Singapore-based Bitcoin exchange was found dead last week. Cause of death is suspected suicide.

http://www.cnbc.com/id/101470510

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Voracious alien flatworm hits French in the escargots

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IT Angle

It's like a French version of "Tremors"!

I guess in this one, Val and Earl run a small coffee shop, where they spend a lot of time morosely discussing the pointlessness of existence.

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Bitcoin ban row latest: 'Unstable, loved by criminals' Yup, that's the US dollar – Colorado rep

Marketing Hack
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The complaints about Bitcoin as the currency of choice for crooks are overwrought...

You can probably still get a lot more mileage out of a briefcase full of any major paper currency than even a fairly fat Bitcoin wallet. I have definite problems with Bitcoin, but they are around the security of the currency and it's holders investment, rather than who is using Bitcoins for what...

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CIA snoops snooped on Senate to spy spy torture report – report

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Black Helicopters

What I want to know is....

Who hacked these computers for the CIA? Was it some other alphabet agency? (I'm looking at you, Fort Meade!) Was this too hot for even the NSA, and was help surreptitiously received from the GCHQ or one of the other Five Eyes??

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Marketing Hack
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Classic bureaucratic thinking...

Before long, anyone outside the organization itself is viewed as an opponent of the organization...

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WHOA: Get a load of Asteroid DX110 JUST MISSING planet EARTH

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Boffin

"the chance of an Earth impact are one-in-ten-million."

But one-in-ten-million chances occur 9 times out of 10!!

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Bitcoin bank Flexcoin pulls plug after cyber-robbers nick $610,000

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FAIL

Re: I believe that a well-implemented cybercurrency would be a good thing...

Well, Flexcoin is going out of business, so I assume they are bankrupt and the $610 k stolen was enough to wipe out the company's capital and render it financially insolvent. So between the poor security, lack of bank-style capital reserves and no deposit insurance, Flexcoin really was like a 19th century bank.

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Marketing Hack
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FAIL

I believe that a well-implemented cybercurrency would be a good thing...

But this ain't it! How many more of these until there is a run on Bitcoin banks? Obviously the security of these Bitcoin banks has not been validated, but at least we now get a glimpse of what life was like in the Wild West.

I hereby uncharitably dub the venture "Shitcoin".

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Labour calls for BIG OVERHAUL of UK super-snoop powers in 'new digital world'

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Black Helicopters

"Yet all raise the same fundamental questions about how we sustain both liberty and security..."

"So we've decided to ditch the liberty part. Vote Labour!! After all, we'll know how you filled your ballot out!!"

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Fanbois sent into FITS of RAGE by fake Steve Jobs statue competition

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Childcatcher

As a Bay Area resident, I am profoundly glad that statue was a hoax....

Its ten miles of bad road ugly, and the placement and orientation of the "1" would have inevitably ended with some poor local fraternity/sorority pledge having to felate the statue as a rush week prank.

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US gov claims it spent TOO MUCH on wiretaps – and blames SPRINT

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Trollface

The supreme irony would be...

If it came out in court that this case was built on NSA intercepts of Sprint exec's phones.

Take that, NSA flunkies!!

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Chicago cabs embroiled in debit-card breach claim mystery as bank tells folks: Pay by cash

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Stop

Well, it's true that a cab would be a horrible environment for secure POS...

Lots of well-off businesspeople swiping credit and debit cards, lots of partiers doing the same, and any crook can get into the back of the cab, and can probably fiddle with the POS terminal under the guise of "Just a sec. I'm having trouble getting this thing to take my card."

Plus cab companies are well-known for being pretty cheap, and that includes IT security.

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Bill Gates is BACK... as CHIEF RICH human of PLANET EARTH

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Windows

Don't be so hard on Bill Gates

I'm not fully onboard with various biz decisions he's made, but I have to credit him for doing more with his wealth than most billionaires do. (Even if that means he has to heat his home by burning Mac OS documentation, instead of bundles of $100 bills)

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Flying fondleslab causes injury after plane hits turbulence

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Facepalm

I suppose the Aussie transport safety board forgot...

That books, purses, suitcases, magazines, pencils, etc. can all be made into projectiles during severe turbulence. In fact, I'm willing to bet that in the history of commercial air travel some poor guy got poked in the eye by a turbulence-propelled peanut!

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Gimp

Re: I blame Apple

This would never have happened to an Apple fanboi. Or if an iPad did slap him in the face he would have at least said "Please sir, may I have another!".

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Cisco kicks off $300k Internet of Things security competition

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Boffin

I wonder if I could win by sending in a few Cisco product sheets...

"Link all this together, and voila!! Now where's my money??"

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RSA booked TV's Stephen Colbert to give the final speech. This is what happened next

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Happy

Almost enough to make me want to go to RSA

If you're not doing anything wrong, you have nothing to hide. And since nothing can be hidden from the NSA, we must all be perfect!!

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Frenchman eyes ocean domination with floating, mobile Bond villain lair

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Alien

That's a very cool looking design...

But it looks like something from outer space that would invade Earth's oceans. I guess we need to call Rhianna and Liam Neeson to settle it's hash. (Yes, I watched "Battleship", but I swear that it was only on cable!)

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Holmes

Re: Shurely Shome Mishtake? (Moonraker)

Though as I recall, Drax did have the requisite weakness for gray nehru jackets, he was missing the all-important white persian feline accessory.

(No James Bond icon, so I have to go with unflappable British fearless-foe-of-evildoers from a previous era.)

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