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* Posts by Marketing Hack

1936 posts • joined 18 Jun 2009

NASA Mars rover FINALLY equals 1973 Soviet benchmark

Marketing Hack
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Stop

"That the vehicle is still fully functional more than eleven years after its launch is remarkable"

Shhhh!!! You'll jinx things talking about that! Especially considering that NASA bought a 12-year extended warranty when they got Opportunity, and we all know what happens when warranties expire...

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Philip K Dick 'Nazi alternate reality' story to be made into TV series

Marketing Hack
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Black Helicopters

Heck, with all the state surveillance going on...

They can make this a reality show!!!

(I know, I know--Godwin's law)

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Russia: There is a SPACECRAFT full of LIZARDS in orbit above Earth and WE control it

Marketing Hack
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Alien

I think this was how the TV series "V" started...

A few years and a little cosmic radiation and BAM!!!--lizard-people overlords from space!!

Now we need to get a capsule full of hair stylists up there to get the returning conquerors their layered 80s coifs....

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Jurassic squawk: Dinos were Earth's early FEATHERED friends

Marketing Hack
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Re: So...

Especially when purple T-Rex leaps out of the foliage at you, stops, then shifts from foot to foot while singing "I love you. You love me...."

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Comcast bosses: THAT pushy sales rep was only obeying orders

Marketing Hack
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So that annoying Comcast rep was only following orders??

Not quite Nuremberg, but still not something to be proud of.

(God, I hate Comcast.)

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Lawyer reviewing terror laws and special powers: Definition of 'terrorism' is too broad

Marketing Hack
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Holmes

The definition of terrorism is too broad??

In other news, water has been found to be shockingly wet!!

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Why has sexy Apple gone to bed with big boring IBM?

Marketing Hack
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Holmes

Apple is partnering with IBM because IBM still has impressive share in the enterprise...

Next question?

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Want to beat Verizon's slow Netflix? Get a VPN

Marketing Hack
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Flame

A glimpse of the future...

This is what Verizon wants the future to be, pay them their danegeld, or they slow you down to a crawl.

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Malaysian Airlines flight MH17 claimed lives of HIV/AIDS cure scientists

Marketing Hack
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Headmaster

I'd still tack "alledgedly" before any attribution to a missile strike

Considering everything, the cause of the crash is probably a surface-to-air missile in the hands of trigger-happy nitwits, but that has not yet been proven.

RIP passengers and crew of flight MH17, and special condolences to the Dutch people...

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MYSTERIOUS Siberia CRATER: ALIENS or METEOR not involved, officials insist

Marketing Hack
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Boffin

It's global warming alright!!

Obviously, warming permafrost has allowed the thawing of an ancient, frozen giganto-gopher!

Either that, or the Silver Surfer is tenderizing Earth in advance of Galactus' snack-time.

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Marketing Hack
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Pint

Re: Shai-Hulud of the tundra?

Thanks a lot. Now I'm stuck with the image of a bare-chested Vladimir Putin riding a sandworm across the muskeg.

Well, it gives me an excuse to head off to the local watering hole to drown those pesky neurons.

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Sit back down, Julian Assange™, you're not going anywhere just yet

Marketing Hack
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Holmes

I wonder how long this is going to go on.

6 million Sterling is a pretty expensive stakeout, but I agree with previous commetards who point out that price isn't really an object, unless you want to start granting get-out-of-jail free cards to those who are wealth or diplomatically/politically connected. Assange is wanted for two counts of sexual assault, and he did skip bail to hide in the Ecuadorian embassy.

At least out of all this we did find that the GCHQ can spoof local cellphone base stations. There was that story that they deployed a base station near the Ecuadorian embassy, but they forgot to reset the base station after it's last mission in Uganda. The next thing you know, central London was getting cellular service courtesy of Uganda Telephone, or some such name. Benefits of empire, I guess :)

Well, I hope Assange's couch get bedbugs! I'm betting that he will still be under house arrest two years from now.

P.S.--Also I thought it was pretty lame that the defense attorney argued that Assange cannot be physically apprehended, so the charges against him should be dropped.

(I'm sure Sherlock would have this wrapped up in time for tea!)

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German NSA probe chief mulls spy-busting typewriters

Marketing Hack
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Linux

I still vote for building a new ISP (International secure pigeon!) industry

Flocks of genetically-typed (so you know if one is intercepted) pigeons carrying notes, or perhaps encrypted flash drives!!

Tux--because he could be the forerunner of ANOTHER ISP (Interglobal submarine penguin!) industry, since penguins are large enough that they could carry a hard drive or two, or a couple books!! Obviously we would the proper waterproof carrying case.

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UN to Five Eyes nations: Your mass surveillance is breaking the law

Marketing Hack
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Headmaster

To be completely fair....

The Russians, Chinese, Indians and probably the French and a lot of other countries should also most certainly be called out for excessive surveillance. However, its good that the UN is saying something about it.

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ALIEN BODY FOUND ON MARS: Curiosity rover snaps extraterrestrial

Marketing Hack
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Paris Hilton

Re: Where is Deja Thoris when you need her?

What...ahem....exactly do you need Deja Thoris for? When answering, keep in mind that this is a family-friendly publication!!

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Marketing Hack
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Alien

That's not a rock...part deux...

Its an eggshell fragment!

And that's not a crater you're exploring--ITS A FOOTPRINT!!!

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YES: Scotland declares independence ... from the dot co dot uk empire

Marketing Hack
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Alien

Ohhhhh-Can I register www.Montgomery.scot then?

The engines cann'a take no more, Cap'n!!!

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Native Americans KILLED AND ATE DUMBO, say archaeologists

Marketing Hack
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Re: Bloody Americans

This is where we got our well-known habit of eating large portions....

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Marketing Hack
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IT Angle

Everybody sing!

"I've done seen about everrrything, when I see an elephant fry!"

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NIST told to grow a pair and kick NSA to the curb

Marketing Hack
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You have to look at where NIST and the NSA ultimately report to...

Both go up through their cabinet-level departments to the White House. All it takes is an order from the West Wing or the National Security Council that NIST will only hire cryptographers who are actual or effective agents of the NSA, and we are right back where we were before.

Take the NIST, NSA and ALL other governmental bodies (U.S. or foreign) out of the standards-setting, and give it to the private IT security industry. There will still be a chance that various people working in private industry are compromised, but at least you will have more transparency into the standards-setting and documentation.

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May: UK data slurp law is fine, but I still need EMERGENCY powers

Marketing Hack
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As usual...

The surveillance state spits, and the pols line up for a swim...

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ISPs 'blindsided' by UK.gov's 'emergency' data retention and investigation powers law

Marketing Hack
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Black Helicopters

DRIP...DRIP....DRIP...

Yes, that's your freedom draining away...

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LOHAN seeks stirring motto for spaceplane mission patch

Marketing Hack
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Go

Some thoughtful(?) submissions from marketing...

1). Whatever the Latin is for "Too much wine on our hands"

2) A creepy U.S. National Reconnaisance Office-style patch showing the El Reg vulture with the Earth in its talons and a motto of "Now, what's for lunch?"

3) Caricature Lindsay Lohan astride the El Reg vulture (ala Heavy Metal) with a caption of "Going my way, boys?"

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Rural mobile coverage: Tweeting twits to join chirping tits in UK's national parks

Marketing Hack
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Devil

Oh, great...

Yes!!! I have to speak VERY LOUDLY!! Yeah! There's this damned waterfall here and a bunch of birds are singing!! You'd think they'd be quiet during a staff meeting!! Now what's that about next quarters budget!!!??

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US authorities round up ILLEGAL DINOSAURS for repatriation

Marketing Hack
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Joke

Re: private sector paleontologist

I guess some would say that Prokopi is a regular "Indiana Bones"!!

Thank you! I'm here all week, and if fossilized, for the next several hundred million years!!

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Europe's highest court: Apple CAN trademark its retail store layout

Marketing Hack
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Devil

Apple must buy legal representation in bulk....

Cupertino, California--five years ago.

Steve Jobs: YOU DID WHAT?!! You committed us to paying for 1 million hours of outside legal representation each year for the next 10 years!!?

General Counsel: But Steve, at these prices that works out to $38 an hour! We can't lose on this!

Steve Jobs: Great.... (Sighs). Well, as long as we have the lawyers, let's put them to work on something.

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Give an exoplanet a new name: Fill in this form and hope these astro-boffins pick your $input

Marketing Hack
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Alien

I humbly submit the following name...

"Next gas 22,753,291,487,000 miles"

(And no, I am not translating that into kilometers!)

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Snowden leaks latest: NSA, FBI g-men spied on Muslim-American chiefs

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Big Brother

I'd like more details...

Why were these people chosen? Did they happen to have militant contacts overseas, even ifthey are not militant personally? If this surveillance is a result of that, and then the surveillance was quickly dropped after these persons non-involvement was establishedhen I am broadly ok with it.

If on the other hand, this was some kind of fishing expedition to penetrate the "thinking of the American muslim community or look for bad guys where there is no evidence, or if these people are kept on the list for years, then its repressive, and I want it stopped.

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USA to insist on pre-flight mobe power probe

Marketing Hack
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Meh

So I guess...

If your electronics are momentarily broken/ battery is dead, you have to express ship them before going through security?

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The truth on the Navy carrier debacle? Industry got away with murder

Marketing Hack
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I'm entirely onboard with the concept of greedy, incompetent defense contractors

We have a good number of them here in the U.S., not least of which is our buddies at Lockheed Martin, home of the incredibly expensive F-35.

However, these constantly changing specifications from various numbskulls are the real problem. They can't agree on a strategy, so they can't agree on a force package to meet that strategy, so they can't agree on what they need to procure for the force package.

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Booze in SPAAAACE! Brit rocket boffin preps bold stratobeer mission

Marketing Hack
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Alien

But what do we surmise...

When beer bottle returns to earth empty, and maybe with a small tip on the side?

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Use Tor or 'extremist' Tails Linux? Congrats, you're on an NSA list

Marketing Hack
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Linux

"United States does not collect signals intelligence for...burdening criticism or dissent"

Except that by placing everyone who reads a publication or inquires about a website offering info and sales of lawful products on a surveillance list, you are burdening free speech by associating them with anti-state activity. Is anyone who visits the EFF or ACLU or EPIC website also placed on this list? Are you creating a situation where employers or family might pressure someone to stop using these products/websites/publications because it brings too much notoriety in official circles? Well, then you are burdening free speech. (Mind you, I always knew that Linux Journal readers were malcontents up to no good!)

Tux (alias: Tuxama Bin Laden)--How is the poor guy going to survive the tropical climate at Guantanamo Bay?

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NSA, GCHQ spies have hurt us more than they know – cloud group

Marketing Hack
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Black Helicopters

Also missing on security breach question

So only two breaches...

A) I'm assuming these are just cloud service-related breaches

B) Did their cloud providers notify them of all breaches?

C) How aware are the cloud providers of breaches, especially if its an issue of data being grabbed by SigInt agencies while it is in transit through fiber-optic cables? Let's not forget that until the proper Snowden docs come out, Google was blissfully unaware that the NSA was grabbing traffic between Google datacenters.

D) Would their cloud service providers be able to notify customers if data was revealed to SigInt agencies through a mechanism like a U.S. National Security letter? Probably not.

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SUPER EARTH possibly home to life FOUND in our 'solar backyard'

Marketing Hack
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Alien

It might have a habitable moon?

Are there Ewoks?

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Who gives a F about privacy? New scorecard rates US pols on spying

Marketing Hack
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Black Helicopters

I love the blimp overflying the NSA datacenter!

They need to come back later with a "The NSA--Ask us what your ex is saying about you!". Or maybe "Can't remember when you promised to move your friend's furniture? We can help!"

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Germany dumps Verizon for Deutsche Telekom over NSA spying

Marketing Hack
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Good for Germany!

Its well known that the old Bell system companies, like Verizon, are the most supine of the NSA's partners in surveillance. Now, I doubt Deutsche Telekom is much better, but at least this puts more pressure on America's corporate powers-that-be to demand real surveillance reform.

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Intel, Ford: Project Mobii will harpoon unsafe, unauthorized drivers

Marketing Hack
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Big Brother

I must be becoming an old codger...

Because I have absolutely NO appreciation for the modern concept that any product can be made better by attaching a camera to it, so you can be observed at all hours of the day and in every humdrum aspect of your life.

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What is ex-NSA spyboss selling for $1m a month, asks US congressman

Marketing Hack
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Go

I would pay extra out of next year's tax refund....

To help pay for the prosecution of Alexander. I'd forego the refund entirely if they busted that weasel James Clapper too. I might demand a highly public perp-walk in shackles into a federal courthouse in return, though.

However, I suspect it won't go anywhere. Alexander knows that pulling a Snowden and giving away classified material is treasonous, but selling state secrets while skating through DC's revolving door? Well, that's just good business.

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Star Wars museum to land in Chicago

Marketing Hack
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Joke

O'Hare Airport!

You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villiany. We must be careful!

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You are ALL Americans now: Europeans offered same rights as US folks in data slurp leaks

Marketing Hack
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Trollface

There's got to be a catch...

You'll know what really happened once Europeans start getting mail declaring "The democratic/republican national committee wants to know what you think!".

It will include a survey featuring nuanced, insight-generating questions like "How concerned are you that President Obama is in league with Al Qaeda and the demonic legions of Hell? Please choose from the following options--"very concerned" or "I obsess about it constantly." Or "Since this morning, how many sweet, retired grandmothers have you seen thrown out on the street by Republican budget cuts? Please answer on a scale from three to seventy-five". After your done answering those, you'll be asked to donate "whatever you can", as long as whatever you can is at least well into 3 figures!

Welcome to your new freedoms and the American Way!

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Warrantless snooping on American man was LEGAL in terrorism case, rules US judge

Marketing Hack
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Headmaster

Re: Potty Only a lawyer

Ok, not a racist, but a bigot. Feel better now?

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Marketing Hack
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Boffin

Definition of entrapment

Entrapment is pointing out an unguarded bicycle sitting on a lawn and telling a passerby that he should really go steal the bike "because nobody is looking". That's verboten in the U.S.

If somebody comes to you and says he runs a hot bicycle chop shop, and do you know where he can get some "product", then you can set up the bike on the lawn and bust him when he acts on his previously expressed desire to commit theft.

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Marketing Hack
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Big Brother

Re: Now THAT is what surveillance is for

I can't blame the government if they are watching the phone traffic of a suspected terrorist/spy overseas and they find that he is talking to an American phone number. That's wortwhile intelligence. But at that point I think you need a warrant to start surveilling the American resident.

And also we need a focused definition of "suspected agent/terrorist". You can't just declare a whole city/country as suspects because you're sure that there's a terrorist in there somewhere.

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Marketing Hack
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Joke

Re: Special Needs

Oddly enough, I think I know a defense attorney who responds to "Jammy Dodger".

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Marketing Hack
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Re: Only a lawyer

@Joe User

Blowing up a Christmas tree lighting is not my idea of freedom either. However, what you are suggesting is that as soon as the government ARRESTS you for terrorism, then your rights go out the window and the show trial can begin.

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Super-snoop bid: UK government hits panic button on EU data retention ruling

Marketing Hack
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Trollface

Re: Lies or just terribly naive?

With apologies to Mark Twain:

"There are lies, damned lies, and Theresa"

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Marketing Hack
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Devil

Re: Dear all home secretaries

@ Gordon 10

I still believe that the problem is that somewhere amongst the various traditional bric-a-brac of chains, badges and sceptres of office that official Britain has built up over the last 1000 years is a small, unadorned gold ring, unremarkable except for the funny looking enscription that shows up if you throw it in the fireplace.

Meanwhile, in Whitehall....

"Yes, my preciousss....founded you while dredging the Thames barrier, my preciousss...Policy options you gives us, my preciousss"

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US Supremes just blew Aereo out of the water

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Boffin

Re: But what if I choose to..

What you are suggesting when you share your TV reception with your neighborhood would be defined as "rebroadcast", which is frowned upon.

For example the National Football League famously broadcasts warnings about rebroadcasting during their games. Inviting your extended family over for thanksgiving and watching some football = fine. Pointing your extended family towards a server where they can all see the game you recorded on your DVR = bad.

Tough for Aereo, but I tend to agree with this ruling.

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US Supreme Court: Duh, obviously cops need a warrant to search mobes

Marketing Hack
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Coat

The Supremes tell cops to "Stop! In the name of love!"

I'm definitely buying the tour t-shirt on my way out...

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Marketing Hack
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Re: What if your phone was stolen?

The PI can be sued or imprisoned if he hacked or gained unauthorized access to your phone/tablet/etc.

And yes, your phone can be stolen, but that is demonstrably a crime. Heck, your "dear diary" can be stolen, but its still theft. The issue at hand was that police felt they were legally entitled to access your phone if the stopped you, and could presumably charge you with obstruction of justice if you didn't give them access.

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