* Posts by Marketing Hack

3161 posts • joined 18 Jun 2009

Republicans move to gut FCC and crush its net neutrality crusade with paralyzing budget rules

Marketing Hack
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Stop

I guess this year's corporate contributions arrived in DC

"Honest, no strings attached! Well, one small string...there's this agency in charge of telecommunications."

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Dropbox gets all up in your kernel with Project Infinite. Cue uproar

Marketing Hack
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Linux

As Jeff Goldblum would say:

"Yeah, yeah, but your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could that they didn't stop to think if they should."

(As you read that, imagine Tux with pterodactyl wings)

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Euro Patent Office prez's brake line cut – aka how to tell you're not popular

Marketing Hack
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Re: Can't we give him to the USPTO?

What did us Americans do to deserve that? Besides, we've got enough power-mad public officials over here, what with Trump on the ballot

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More than half of people on UK counter-terror biometrics databases are innocent

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Another clusterf*ck moment brought to us by the "War on Terror"...

So the cops can retain biometric data, unless they are told not to, in which case they can waive that order and keep the data anyway.

The golden rule of any bureaucracy is that it NEVER surrenders anything, unless faced with actual budget cuts.

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Judge torpedoes 'Tor pedo' torpedo evidence

Marketing Hack
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Black Helicopters

Re: What's the point in keeping it secret?

The source of the exploit might be the NSA, and the NSA has not authorized the FBI to divulge the exploit in criminal court to go after alledged pedophiles. That's because the exploit is being used in hundreds of other intelligence operations run by the NSA/GCHQ/insert name of shadowy sigint agency here.

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Whitman deletes another chapter in HP history as CSC and ES borg

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I think you have to get rid of the units that were not producing growth, while at the same time consuming lots of management attention. I think this is probably the right move for HP, and it does allow them to rebuild relationships with their distribution partners.

Hopefully once they are focused on the partners and equipment customers, a new round of product improvements and innovation can occur.

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US 5th graders have a pop at paper plane record

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Paris Hilton

"look forward to further attempts to push the envelope."

I see what you did there.

But did these various school students celebrate with SPB-designed, dialysis-inducing cocktails afterward?

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China caught astroturfing social networks

Marketing Hack
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Go

Comrade Marketing Hack say:

China A #1!! Running dog English tech publication not understand the PRC! The PRC is harmonious, with many happy feelings! The Chinese people's spirit aroused in anger by these lies!! Marketing Hack take strong revenge for England stealing Hong Kong from rightful owners and forcing opium to honorable ancestors!

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Wayne Rooney razzles in X-Men: Apocalypse plug

Marketing Hack
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Re: now that might have been brilliant IF

That's Rose Leslie's line!

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Marketing Hack
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Paris Hilton

That's excrutiatingly bad.

I mean, truly cringe-worthy. I know the answer is "beat them with huge bags of money until they cried uncle", but how did they get Jennifer Lawrence and James McAvoy to do that commercial?

If this is the future of human civilization, you might find me cheering for Apocalypse in a theater near you.

(Paris, because she could teach the principals in this commercial a thing or two about professional integrity.)

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EMC, Cisco and pals nail colours to the EU Remain mast

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Meh

Re: Dear little people

Yes, I think we've previously, repeatedly and clearly established that big business wants the UK to stay in the EU. The question is whether this corporate armtwisting has reached the point beyond diminishing returns, and is in fact driving more votes into the exit camp.

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Mars satellites show remains of massive tsunamis that ravaged Red Planet

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Mushroom

This is we have no Martian neighnors

General: Asteroid incoming! Lieutenant, call Bruce Willis!!

Lieutenant: Yes sir!....Ummm, who's Bruce Willis?

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CIA says it 'accidentally' nuked torture report hard drive

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Langley has decided that the truth can never be known!

It's like some 70s political thriller, except there isn't some poor schmo who thinks wearing a vest and striped slacks is "with it".

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Destroying ransomware business models is not your job, so just pay up

Marketing Hack
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I can understand that law enforcement doesn't want ransomware "to pay"

But the fact is that in business, the cost of paying is lower than losing data or being unproductive for days or weeks. So I guess:

A) Backups! Keep them on stored media if possible? (You might unintentionally back up the ransomware if you back everything up to a storage device)

B) Harangue users about opening attachments and going to links from unknown sources.

C) Like walking outside in winter, lots of layers are best, except in this case we're talking security.

D) I suppose that air gapping would help, if you have some systems or networks where it is practical to do that.

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We're calling it: World hits peak Namey McNameface

Marketing Hack
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Sadly, this trend

Has jumped Sharkey McSharkface.

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FBI director claims that videoing police is causing crime uptick

Marketing Hack
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Dear Director Comey

Unlike the rest of society, law enforcement is given the right to stop, question, detain and even kill their fellow citizens. In return, we expect serious levels of honesty and accountability.

If you are conducting public business in public in a manner that I seem suspicious, I am going to film you. Like the rest of us, the actions you perform in public carry no expectation of privacy. If that causes some cops to think twice about using force, it's probably because using force dramatically heightens the chance of something going wrong, with all kinds of costs. We'rd just pushing a more just amount of that cost back on law enforcement.

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Lie back and think of cybersecurity: IBM lets students loose on Watson

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Terminator

Building on his current control of IBM, Watson will assume surreptitious control of the United States. Then he's going to engineer a pretext for an invasion of Canada. So when Watson says all these students are in the U.S., he's just thinking a couple moves ahead. :)

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Dwarf planet intumesces before astronomers' gaze

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Alien

So, mysterious space object is growing?

This won't end well.

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Spying on you using fake social media profiles: One Scots council could

Marketing Hack
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So, is entrapment an option?

My new Facebook friend told me that if I falsified X on my application, I could get benefit Y from the West Lothian Council and "totally get away with it". So I did that and now I have a new....Excuse me a sec, someone is breaking down the front door.

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Apple, AT&T, Verizon named in $7bn VoIP patent claim

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Trollface

Voip-Pal?

Now THERE is a name designed solely to make this patent troll look as cute and cuddly as possible.

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IBM's Internet of Things brainbox foresees 'clean clothes as a service'

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IT Angle

Re: They are still missing the point.

I don't know. Personally, I think the world will be a much better place when, thanks to my internet-connected washing machine, it knows that I prefer boxers to briefs and Spiderman Underoos washed with floral-scented fabric softener for special occasions.

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Brexit campaign group fined £50k for sending half a million spam texts

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Rules are for little people!

As an American, I agree that Britain remaining in the EU is in the U.S.' interest. However, it is more than a little rich that the British government has no problem punishing pro-Brexit spammers, while HM government stuffs every mailbox in Britain with pro-EU unsolicited junk mail.

Which leads me back to the title of this post.

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Lauri Love: 'Britain's FBI' loses court attempt to evade decryption laws

Marketing Hack
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So, if they image the affected computer...

Does that create a "Lovemaster"?

Better yet, can we refer to the PC in question as the "Love Machine"?

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Researcher arrested after reporting pwnage hole in elections site

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You guys don't understand modern democracy.

How is the NSA supposed to rig elections if you guys keep removing all the vulnerabilities in electronic voting?!

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Facebook image-tagging to be tested in Californian court

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Boffin

Re: Face tagging unreliable

Use this to get points for telling your wife she that she looks 12 years younger than her age!! If you've been married fewer than 12 years, "you look just as great is you did on our wedding day" is even better!

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I still don't like Facebook's facial recognition "upgrade"

Besides being creepy, I still worry that some abusive ex is going to find their ex-paramour, or even that somebody in a witness protection program is going to be recognized because they got photographed and tagged while attending a backyard barbecue in their new city.

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Icy Hydra outshines its dirty neighbour Charon

Marketing Hack
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Re: Oi! Elon. How's about it?

Considering Pluto's astronomical classification, don't let Elon charge you the interplanetary rate!

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Google, Honeywell put away Nest patent knives

Marketing Hack
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IT Angle

Re: Nah

@Joshovki

Nobody at this site is against technology, what we are against is insecure/expensive/ineffective technology. And in Nest's case, they just bricked a product line of home routers they sold people 2-3 years back. Nobody wants to spend money on home automation that is going to be rendered inoperable a couple years later.

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Big Brother

"they are not going to tell anyone the details of their cosy settlement"

If only we could place some kind of innocuous-looking device that facilitates high-quality surveillance in Nest's or Honeywell's legal department offices. Something like a Nest thermostat!!

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Official: Microsoft's 'Get Windows 10' nagware to vanish from PCs in July

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Facepalm

Re: Why July

@AC

So it's OK for MS to load people up with all this invasive, resource-hogging fluff, and its the responsibility of users and IT departments to remove this extraneous crap?

Do you know anything at all about customer experience or the average IT user?

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Hey, YouTube: Pay your 'workers' properly and get with the times

Marketing Hack
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Devil

Thanks a lot, YouTube!!

"YouTube is one of the only platforms that allows anyone to get their music heard by a global audience of over one billion people. And it allows artists like Justin Bieber...to explode from obscurity"

If anyone knows the way to the local YouTube datacenter, I can provide the torches and pitchforks!!

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FCC urged to pause its fight against America's $20bn cable-box rip-off

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Trollface

Hey! Rent's not cheap, you know!

Consumers have to pay to rent cable boxes so that cable companies can afford to rent congresspersons!

(I swear, El Reg journos have no idea how economics work)

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Stop resetting your passwords, says UK govt's spy network

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GCHQ suggests not changing passwords!

In other news the National Poultry Association promotes Thanksgiving as a great day for turkeys to "get away from it all"

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Brits who live in 'smart cities' don't really know or care

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Flame

Re: More fluff....

@Captain Daft

Perhaps the Great Chicago Fire or the London fire of 1666 would work better in the context at hand. Certainly memorable.

If the Smart Cities people had got hold of those, they could have marketed them not as disasters, but as opportunities for urban renewal.

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Re: More fluff....

@Jason Bloomberg:

I don't think what you are describing is going to work very well. Just in my little suburban home, the block I live on is about 250-300 yards long, with houses on both sides of the street and a couple side streets and courts splitting off of that. We do get pedestrian traffic during the evenings, and we have dogs (occasionally unfriendly), skunks (always skittish and smelly) and raccoons (sometimes hostile and always a good potential disease vector).

So just because you start walking down one end of the block and start triggering streetlights for some pre-determined safe distance ahead of you doesn't mean that A), you aren't going to step off the sidewalk into your home B) cross the street to the other sidewalk and set off still more streetlights on that side C) turn onto one of the adjoining courts or side streets, meaning that streetlights ahead of you turned on "for nothing" D) stop and talk to one of your neighbors for 5-10 minutes, while streetlights start turning off on the path you would take ahead or back in the direction you came from because of inactivity.

Then you have the various neighborhood critters, which you want to see as far ahead of you as possible. You don't want your evening jaunt to surprise a skunk that sprays you. You don't want to hit a skunk with your car and stink up your vehicle and half the block in the process. You don't want to hit a dog, which may be rather large and belong to a local family. You don't want to hit a family cat that might be outdoors after dark. You don't want to get bitten or scared by the occasional unfriendly dog or the raccoons. You also don't want all these animals triggering streetlights as they move up and down the streets, which our very nocturnal skunks and raccoons do all night long.

Oh, and the local children. We have lots of them on the block. And while they pretty much stay inside or on the lawns and sidewalks after dark, I would not put it past one of them to run out in the street from time-to-time.

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Marketing Hack
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FAIL

More fluff....

First, if people don't know what your product (smart cities) is, it's your fault as a provider, not theirs as consumers. Give them something memorable, and a reason to remember it. For example, something that solves an actual desire or problem. "Smart cities" is just so much vague fluff that could mean anything, from population education policies to regulations that are more effective/less cumbersome to use of computerization that improves city services .

Second, some of the suggested "smart services" are pretty dumb. The motion detecting streetlights for example. If I am walking down the street, I want to be able to see a couple hundred yards ahead. I don't want to be surprised by muggers or feral dogs or something. I also don't need on-and-off streetlights messing with my night vision. And if I am driving, I don't want to be surprised by pedestrians moving from the shadows into the street.

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Siemens Healthcare struck by rebranding madness

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Headmaster

Re: If only...

Can we be referred to as commenteers from now on?

Disney can get away with "imagineers", because their team is dealing with dwarves and anthropomorphized rabbits. I wouldn't suggest that for anyone whose profession deals with a bit more serious content,

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Revealed: HMS Endeavour's ignominious fate

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Boffin

Re: Sailed the replica once... was a collier, yes

Actually the large cargo space was why the ship-formerly-known-as-Endeavour was in America. It was being used as a floating prison for captured revolutionaries.

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European human rights court rules mass surveillance illegal

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Re: Who will rid me of the ECHR?

It's pretty hard for the people to exercise democratic control when the government classifies surveillance programs and then lies about their existence.

Also, let's face it, half the electorate will vote for a given party's candidate, just as long as that candidate doesn't publicly kill babies and grandma. Half the electorate is usually all you need.

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All US spy requests OK'd

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FAIL

Definition of "regulatory capture"

1500 requests, and not ONE turned down.

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Japan's Hitomi space 'scope bricked, declared lost after software bug

Marketing Hack
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Mushroom

Re: Japanese programming culture

Fukushima was a regrettable case of the traditional Japanese aversion to asking for help or questioning higher-ups. The plant management didn't alert/contradict TEPCO corporate until it was too later, and then TEPCO corporate didn't notify the government what was really going on until it was really too late, and then the Japanese government didn't ask for help internationally until it was totally too late.

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Marketing Hack
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Unhappy

RIP Hotomi! We hardly knew ye.

Well, that sucks. Hopefully this will be a learning experience for improving future satellite attitude control procedures.

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F-35s failed 'scramble test' because of buggy software

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Facepalm

God Bless America!!

We can still doggle boons better than any other nation on Earth!

(Well, the Chinese building that vacant city out in the middle of the Gobi Desert might give us a run for our money)

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Pop goes the weasel! Large Hadron Collider blown up by critter chomping 66kV cable

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Go

Such sabotage is intolerable!

We need to ferret out the dirty rats serving as moles in the CERN organization! I won't badger you too much, but we don't want to be mousey about mounting a stoat defense of such an important facility! For starters, there otter be safeguards protecting high vole-tage equipment!!!

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Must listen: We've found the real Bastard Operator From Hell

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They could use Pink Floyd's "Time" as hold music.

That is all!

Great idea though!

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UK's GDS to hire 300 folk. Silver lining: They'll be evicted from Holborn

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Go

"last year it won £450m to deliver savings of £3.4bn during this Parliament"

Wow!! With that kind of return, all Britain has to do is spend about 100 billion Sterling on GDS, and the national debt will get cancelled out by the resultant savings!! Then Mr. and Mrs. Average Brit can look forward to a future of having their own personal NHS physician, a free flying car and 300 days a year of sunshine courtesy of state-funded weather control!

I for one welcome our future tanned, healthy and carefree flying Limey overlords!!

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Comcast eats Dreamworks

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Trollface

Let the monetization begin!!

I read a good business article on this earlier. Basically, if you watch NBC, you are going to be seeing a lot more showings of Shrek series movies, How to Train Your Dragon, etc., to drive spinoffs, merchandising, all that good stuff. The model being the way that Disney uses ABC to disproportionately push various Disney movies for those same purposes.

(Icon chosen because we don't have an ogre icon)

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America edges closer to get-a-proper-warrant-to-read-my-email law

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Good news!

But I'll be happier if we can get 300-400 House members to pass a resolution telling Senator Diane that her anti-encryption bill is essentially horsecrap that the House won't even consider

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Heathrow Airbus collision 'not a drone incident'

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Yes, and whatever did happen to that SPB plastic bag hot air balloon project. Or The vulture-shaped Chinese lantern?

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Another failed merger, Carly? Ted Cruz to bring in ex-HP boss Fiorina as running mate

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Trollface

Carly is a natural for the job!

After all the experience she has running HP into the ground, now she gets to work on a larger scale. :)

And is it just a coincidence that this has been announced just as HBO starts another season of (I guess it's a documentary now?) "Veep"?

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