* Posts by HaplessPoet

65 posts • joined 18 Jun 2009

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Kettle 'which looks like HITLER' brews up sturm in a teacup

HaplessPoet
Joke

UnGodwin's Law?

Seems we started with hitler and diverged from there, the inverse of Godwin's Law

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Entire Reg readership would fill 205 Olympic-sized swimming pools

HaplessPoet
Headmaster

is there a digit missing from "stretch 92,947,43 linguine"

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Holy classic car auction, Batman! They sold THE Batmobile!

HaplessPoet
Unhappy

Sadly, I think I remember that was Tom Champagne.

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Akihabara unplugged: Tokyo's electric town falls flat

HaplessPoet
Devil

I'd rather have a prostate exam than a PC World!

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Innovatio targets Wi-Fi users with patent suits

HaplessPoet
Stop

Don't tell the French!

WIFI is pronounced whiffy here en francais!

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Ecclesiastical judge tells church: Let there be Wi-Fi

HaplessPoet

If you live in a city..

Wouldn't you be bombarded from every direction by wifi just walking to your local chippy?

Then you'd have cellular frequencies (and power) on top of that.

Adding a church into the mix can't make a huge difference can it?

(Actually even in the countryside there are lots of signals)

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Major BT exchange titsup in power outage

HaplessPoet
Thumb Down

Single point of Failure?

Isn't the internet supposed to be able to survive the odd nuclear blast?

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UK punters happy to pay £3 to top up e-wallets

HaplessPoet
Thumb Down

I don't think so.

Most banks charge small business quite a bit to "handle cash"

Also the poor shop keeper has to make sure he doesn't get robbed of it either in the shop or on the way to the bank.

The charges made by credit card companies are excessive too. however debit cards do not get charged in the same way. Businesses pay a flat fee or a few 10's of pence for Debit Cards.

That's cheap when you consider the aggro accepting cash entails.

e-wallets etc should be no different.

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HaplessPoet
WTF?

I really worry about some people.

Who in their right mind would pay to spend their own money?

It's as if, when faced with a survey, they don't want to appear cheap!

But instead they prove themselves to be idiots instead.

Struth!

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Facebook 'personal' news feed gets algorithm rejig

HaplessPoet
Happy

If you use Chrome you can get an addin called super adblock, which blocks the right hand side news feed ticker.

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Hacker defaces Irish Catholic paper: 'Gotta love false hope'

HaplessPoet
FAIL

Beliveing?

to be sure, I'm not beliveing it either!

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Patent wars: Apple attacks Samsung in Japan

HaplessPoet
Go

Re: Why Bother innovating?

PT Barnum also said "You will never lose money underestimating the intelligence of the general public" which is even more apt. ;-)

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New UK 'leccy meters remotely run via Voda 2G

HaplessPoet
Happy

not here they wont

yippee! deep in the new forest will be the last place they come.

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Google dumps TV flop on UK

HaplessPoet
FAIL

And yet...

He thinks our educational system is holding us back in the digital media area?

High Praise indeed!

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Apple shares drop after Jobs resignation

HaplessPoet
Thumb Up

I believe...

it was PT Barnum that said "You will never lose money underestimating the intelligence of the general public"

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Apple wins (another) Samsung Android injunction in EU

HaplessPoet
Facepalm

English?

Is it too late to ask for a translation into English?

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Nintendo said to be readying replacement for 3DS

HaplessPoet
Holmes

History Repeats itself?

Looks like Nintendo learned nothing from their last foray into 3D.

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Galaxy Tab still legal in the Netherlands

HaplessPoet
WTF?

aaaghh! My Laptop looks exactly like everyone elses!

It folds in half with a screen on the top bit and a keyboard with exactly the same keys as all the others on it!

What shall I do? will Dell, Lenevo and all the others please change the design!

I know, put the keyboard on the back of the screen? Or on the top bit with the screen underneath!

Brilliant!

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Death haunts government petitions site

HaplessPoet

There are multiple F1 petitions

Search for "Formula One" and you find at least 2

Petition 57 has over 700 names now. 158 only has 170.

does anyone know if the "consolidate" the duplicates? (57 and 158 aren't strictly duplicates)

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Murdoch muscles BBC out of Formula One driving seat

HaplessPoet
Thumb Up

e-petition at direct.gov now available

http://epetitions.direct.gov.uk/petitions/57

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HaplessPoet
Mushroom

Hello, wake up, it's coffee you can smell.

Firstly, to everyone who said "the only thing I watch on BBC is F1" you are lying, so stop it, be honest, add Top Gear & QI, come clean!

Secondly, Mr Ecclestone, is mistaken. Sky only have 10m subscribers and I am 100% sure they won't all watch F1. So BBC and Mr Eccelstone, you are sadly mistaken, viewing figures will fall.

Thirdly, to any BBC managers reading (enjoy your job while you can) you are making a mistake, if you think you aren't then sadly you should resign, because you are clearly in the wrong job!

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Ofcom told to use 4G auctions to complete UK coverage

HaplessPoet
FAIL

How?

I live in the New Forest and have zero signal for O2, 3 and barely one for Vodafone.

Yet every time they ask for planning permission to put up a mast they are refused point blank!

So telling ofcom to push won't help with the nimby's around here.

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Femtocells at tipping point: Don't want to become also-RANs

HaplessPoet

Price?

If the operators gave them away!

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Dam Busters dog dubbed 'Digger'

HaplessPoet
Joke

3 Reasons it'll be a flop in the States

1. If they use English actors they won't understand the words.

2. The 100,000 Orcs battling each other will ruin the film.

3. The Americans don't watch movies where they don't win.

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Sandi Toksvig puts the 'n' into cuts - on the Beeb

HaplessPoet
Joke

I remember this from Capt Kremin

Is that Hortense over there

No she looks quite relaxed.....

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Vote now for the best sci-fi film never made

HaplessPoet

The Voyage of the Space Beagle

enough said

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Tie me customer down, sport

HaplessPoet
FAIL

The Birthday Campaign

The only people interested in Birthday emails are under 16 or over 80!

Most women over a certain age (and no-one has any idea what that is) deny having birthdays at all, and certainly don't want emails reminding them!

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Indonesian anti-smut MP caught ogling filth

HaplessPoet
Coffee/keyboard

I did!

Thats all!

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Red Dwarf to blast off on new adventure

HaplessPoet
FAIL

!eeeeH eeeemS

!esaelp erom oN

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Dixons whacked by profit warning

HaplessPoet
Megaphone

Hmmm...

Nothing to do with their miserable high prices then?

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Lindsay Lohan ditches her surname

HaplessPoet

I think...

It's because she doesn't like being known as LiLo!

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120 Underground Wi-Fi hotspots will erupt in 2012

HaplessPoet
Paris Hilton

Paris

I work in Paris (the one in France) and pretty much the whole Metro network and RER network have mobile phone access in the stations and in most of the tunnels.

I don't think the French authorities see it as a security risk. I have no idea who paid for it, but I imagine that the mobile companies make a tidy bob or two.

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TV sitcom opens up the world of penetration testing

HaplessPoet
Happy

re Exactly what I thought

I am pretty sure its because there are not many films where the hero get a BJ as a distraction. That's the only reason I remember the film anyway ;-)

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Ford cars get draconian parental controls

HaplessPoet
Joke

Meet the Parents: Little Fockers

enough said

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Councils 'spend shedloads on CCTV'

HaplessPoet
WTF?

How many plods on the beat would that buy?

Seriously, I would be interesting in knowing?

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Telegraph to charge for online news

HaplessPoet
FAIL

sad sad day

When they think people will pay to read the Telegraph online

The only way they get people to read it on paper is to give it away if you buy a bottle of water.

There is no point charging for anything on the net as someone will always be offering the same thing free.

Good luck to them

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Irish chap romps off with Bad Sex award

HaplessPoet
WTF?

otorhinolaryngological?

Throat I understand, but ear and nose? That's going too far!

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Wikileaks: Berlusconi useless, Pope Catholic

HaplessPoet
Joke

Is he any good then?

I think our openers did a good job in the last Test, so I fail to see why the ICC would want Dubya?

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iPad apps: the 10 smartest and 10 stupidest

HaplessPoet

Bacon Graphics

What you want is Canadian Bacon Clock!

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Hasbro unleashes 'Spastic' Transformer

HaplessPoet
Megaphone

RE: RE: Wait Wat?

That sadly reminded me of hearing some schoolkids a few years ago, shouting "Scopey" across the playground.......

plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose......

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BT network goes titsup up north

HaplessPoet
Joke

Hadrian's Firewall?

The post is required, and must contain letters.

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How average is your sex life?

HaplessPoet
FAIL

There, fixed it for them......

If he lives in England, he is 175.3cm tall and weighs 83.6kg

If he lives in England, he is just over 5'9" tall and weighs 13st 2lb 5oz

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Man enraged by sagging pants pops cap in teen's ass

HaplessPoet
Joke

Aggrevated Assault?

I find I get very aggrevated when I see anyone dressed like that!

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Spuds for laptop fraudsters strike in Huntingdon

HaplessPoet
FAIL

It seems to me...

that the "seller" missed a trick here.

He could easily have got a £300 quid lappy from a supermarket and legitimately sold it for 600+ and earned a nice little profit.

Then told his "buyer" to recommend him to his other equally dim friends.

All legal and above board and very profitable!

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BT bids bumpkins to beg for better broadband

HaplessPoet
FAIL

Rather amusingly, or tragically depending on which way you look at it...

but when I 'voted' it put my 'village' in the middle of the Bristol Channel, approximately 90 miles northwest of where it actually is in the New Forest, but a lot closer to Cornwall than I am now, so thats good surely?

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Serpent imprisons rattled Yorkshire family

HaplessPoet

Talking of which...

Don't try drowning it either....... that could be expensive!

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Apple delays white iPhone 4 - again

HaplessPoet
Thumb Up

No you're not!

I agree with your point.

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Hornby opens part-time visitor centre

HaplessPoet
Boffin

The address is there:

I am sure I am not the first to point out to our oversees reader that the address is present on the website, granted it might not be readily apparent as an address unless you are familiar with UK address formats.

Westwood | Margate | Kent | CT9 4JX

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Southpaws up in arms over iPhone 4

HaplessPoet
WTF?

What I don't quite understand...

Why has no newspaper or Which? or the Beeb, or El Reg or someone not actually got hold of one and tested it under laboratory conditions?

Surely that would prove it once and for all?

I went into a couple of phone shops on Saturday to try it out and no matter how I held it it just would not play ball. This was unfortunate as I was trying to convince my wife that she really would be better of without one.

Best Regards

David

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Virginia cops liberate bound goat from car trunk

HaplessPoet
Go

Remind me?

Is that a 49-37 or a 49-38?

No wait a 49-37 is carrying an unlicensed aardvark in your knapsack.

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