2335 posts • joined Thursday 18th June 2009 09:56 GMT
Did he say, "Blessed are the cheese-makers"?
I seem to remember it was the Cheese Marketing Board in the 80s who did those adverts where they made the union flag out of different coloured cheeses. Although it was a round, cheese-shaped one of course.
And they had the celebs doing little lines to camera, then biting into a bit. I knew I hadn't imagined this, everything is on Youtube nowadays: Ken Livingstone linky.
At table with a lovely young filly,
Trying to impress without looking silly,
I said I don't like to boast,
But I make great cheese on toast.
Would you like a mouthful of my... Piccalilli?
Hmmmm? Not sure about this poetry lark. I don't think it's my strong point. Anyway the secret to the best cheese on toast is a mature cheddar, and to put baked beans on top of it. Just before eating each slice, so as not to get it soggy. Then you get lovely crunchy, cheesy, beany, tomato saucey bites of goodness.
I don't know why the prize is a toasty maker though. Surely the toasty is a completely different taste experience to the cheese on toast. My favourite being the egg toasty, You need one that seals the edges well, and has quite deep depressions in the pan. Then whack in your bread, drop the egg in, get the other slice on top double-quick, slam the lid down and hold really tight to avoid the egg spilling out the sides. Once the seal is formed round the toasty you can let the pressure up and cook as normal. Due to the butter on the outside of the bread you get a sort of combined fried/poached egg effect, and it's amazing with ketchup. Whereas the perfect cheese toasty has ham in it as well.
The lack of options on the volume control is a bit crap. Also there doesn't seem to be a way to save a half-composed text message - which given the number of times I'm interrupted doing this is even more annoying.
Other than that, I think the other major downside is apps related. Firstly the major lack of them, and secondly the limited way you can display them. Even iOS (which just gives you an indistinguishable grid of icons lets you organise them into different screens or into folders. Neither of which can be done with WinPho, it's the single home-screen or the alphabetical list of apps only - although at least you can change icon size. Both have the fault of forcing you to dive into the settings menu to turn on Bluetooth, change brightness etc. - where Android is brilliantly customisable.
I can't vouch for the music player. At least you're no longer stuck with Microsoft's truly horrible Zune PC software. Which actually makes iTunes, and even Sony's efforts, look good. Email and web browsing are fine and Facebook could be superb. You can either use an app, web interface or use the built-in client that puts Facebook right into your contacts. Which kind of takes over the phone, but if you're happy with that you'll love it.
Re: Ah memories...
one two Stevie Jacksons! Only two Stevie Jaaacksons... etc.
I'd never realised that, as D&D wasn't my thing. My brother had the Fighting Fantasy books, but I think I only read/played one of them. Although I did see them a couple of years ago, when clearing up some old books at my Mum's house.
The first game like that I ever remember playing was Illuminati. Which was one of his. Moving your money round your vast network of companies/organisations and putting out the occasional hit on the enemy (if you couldn't bribe them). I always liked the idea of an organisation that could span the Gnomes of Zurich to the Church of Elvis.
Watch out for the Secret Service Steve...
Re: Consumers? Outlook? Don't think so...
Loads of consumers use Outlook. Over half of the friends' PCs that I sort out for them have it. They get small business Office with it, so they can use the stuff they know from work. Although I wouldn't vouch for how many of them have valid licenses...
It's amazing that people who can barely switch a PC on seem to be able to get hooky Office installed, no trouble.
Re: We'll put Outlook on Windows RT slabs
From what I've heard, so is herpes...
It's funny. This stuff is the most important software that 90% of office users have. And there doesn't seem to be anything decent. There are barely any nice email clients any more, let alone the full calendar/diary/contacts/mail package. Outlook is the best, at least that I've seen, of a pretty bad bunch. But even 15 years of using it doesn't mean I've grown to like it.
Re: Rufus Sewel
Sorry, I misread that as Brian Sewell, and thought you'd gone bonkers.
I'm sure for getting on for $12m you could easily arrange a small war, if you need the ruins in a specific place...
He should be birched.
That's not nearly painful enough! He should be redwooded...
Re: Magic. Or something like it.
They brought in potted trees for fuck's sake. Into a forest full of giant redwoods!!! Just for lack of taste that requires a fine measured in the billions. That's before the risk of species contamination.
And I though David and Victoria Beckham's golden thrones and goblets was vulgar. I'd never realised they were just amateurs...
Yuck! The whole thing becomes even ickier when you read the obviously agreed by lawyers as part of the settlement language of the press statements. Bring back public flogging and the stocks!
Re: $9m for a wedding and a $2.5m clean-up bill ?
These panda-burgers are delicious! I must get them for my next dinner party...
Re: A lotta donuts
I think you need to take the tin-foil hat off there.
Firstly he wasn't accused of a totally non-violent crime. One of the allegations is that he tried to force himself on one of the women, who was saying no dice until you put on a condom. It wasn't full-on violence in that she says she was holding her legs together and he was using his bulk to stop her getting away and trying to get them apart. So there's no accusation that he was trying to hurt her physically, but that would still be rape. Just less aggravated than if he was using a knife, or smacking her round the head or something. Not some sort of 'weird sexual offence that only counts in Sweden' but proper rape. As was confirmed by the UK Supreme Court judgement, where they upheld that the European Arrest Warrant was legal, but also said that the case would have met the criteria for extradition anyway, even without the EAW system.
So that's the first bit of your post that doesn't add up. As for the rest of it, justice isn't convenient, but we have a system that's supposed to pretty much ignore the costs and just get on with criminal cases. We have a valid warrant for his arrest, and the police are duty bound to carry that out. As approved by our courts, in exhaustive process, where Assange got to put his case at 4 different levels of courts. He had his day in court, he lost, now he has to go to Sweden and have his day in court there. If it even gets to court. But I'm inclined to suspect his motives for avoiding facing justice in Sweden might be down to a guilty conscience, given the amount of time, effort and money he's gone to in order to avoid facing them. Admittedly most of that money has been other people's, but still...
As for the US charging him, we'll know more when the Manning trial is over. I don't think they'd be able to accuse him of much for publishing the leaked stuff. Only if they can prove he was controlling Manning and helping with the hacking, then they can go for espionage or conspiracy. But if he did do all that, then he is guilty of either conspiracy to hack or espionage. Even if you think what he did was in a good cause. Although with the way Manning was treated, I'd be amazed if half the evidence from the military tribunal would be admissible, which leads me to suspect that even if the US could get enough evidence to try him, they wouldn't be able to get enough untainted evidence to get a foreign court to extradite him.
Re: We'll put Outlook on Windows RT slabs
Users love Outlook!
I've no idea why, as I've always disliked it, and obviously not all of them do, but most users seem to absolutely love it. It has got a bit less slow, cumbersome and crashy since the 90s, so I no longer loathe it with the same passion.
Due to extremely poor eyesight I have high magnification reading glasses, which means the longest word I can see all in one go in this type size is about 10 letters. Makes long words quite inconvenient...
Re: Restive touch screens
I'm disappointed. I was hoping for better styluses being cheaper, hence them being a no-brainer to add to tablets. Even if you have to go out and buy your own. But I don't have any faith that capacative styluses are going to be any better than just using a carrot. Nasty, imprecise things.
Obviously the screens are better for fingers though, so going with Wacom seems to be the best of both worlds, even if it does add to the cost. I don't think it's the pressure sensitivity that's the important bit. Obviously it is if you're sketching all artistically, but if all you want is something to do a quick site drawing, annotate a photo/document or handwriting recognition, then it's precision you want. And that means a small accurate nib. Which still seems to mean Wacom. Or resistive screens, which just don't seem to be as nice.
Where the hell can you buy toilet cleaner potatoes? I use bleach and a brush to clean my loo, and didn't realise you could do it with potatoes. Now that really is cool!
Re: " ..super clear sexting ..... squeak and grunt ..."
Dictaphone? Nah. I'll just my finger, like everyone else.
OK, OK, I'm going...
Re: Hmmm... (set-up)
If the dogs have no noses, how do they smell?
Re: In other news...
I think you'll find that the patent entitled "Methods for Convenient Arboreal Ursine Defecation Utilising Purloined Pic-a-nic Baskets in a Sylvan Setting" is already held by a Mr Y. Bear of Jellystone.
Re: It occurs to me...
Surely we must be up to Web 4.0 by now?
Phwoooarrr look at the binaries on that system...
I took my Mum tablet shopping in John Lewis a few month's ago. She wants a 7 incher - ooh err missus...
The Nexus 7 has truly horrible speakers, but I was quite impressed by the Samsung Galaxy 7. You could hear those clearly over the noise of the shop, and I thought they were as loud as (probably a bit louder) than my iPad. Which admittedly can't be heard over a kettle, unless you hold it to your ear.
Can't swear to quality though, as it was a noisy shop. Only volume. But if you want quality, you use headphones or a Bluetooth speaker.
faraway clouds of water and alcohol. Such localities are where hot young stars are to be found, an unfailing indicator of trendiness in galactic neighbourhood terms.
Well it's no wonder the Guide was wrong then!* After the writers had spent some time at a particularly excellent party with the naturally occurring alcohol and hot young starlets - they were so hung-over that they probably just copied any old rubbish down - from, say, the back of a cereal packet...
*The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy makes the reassuring claim that where it is inaccurate, it is at least definitively inaccurate. In cases of major discrepancy it is always reality that’s got it wrong.
So, for instance, when the Guide was sued by the families of those who had died as a result of taking the entry on the planet Traal literally - it said “Ravenous Bugblatter Beasts often make a very good meal for visiting tourists” instead of “Ravenous Bugblatter Beasts often make a very good meal of visiting tourists” - the editors claimed that the first version of the sentence was the more aesthetically pleasing; summoned a qualified poet to testify under oath that beauty was truth, truth beauty, and hoped thereby to prove that the guilty party in this case was life itself for failing to be either beautiful or true.
Thanks. I'd missed that one.
Also thank you Asus. I've got a friend who wants to take quick site pictures, and then sketch dimensions on them, so he can do his drawings and designs better. So I was rather sad to see that the Samsung Galaxy Note 10 had come down in price to £250-odd last year, but has now popped back to £400, and seems to be staying there. A 6" screen seems pretty large for a phone though, while being a bit small for drawing on. But I'll have to have a play with one in a shop.
Re: a weekend with a porn star and a weekend with David Cameron
Eric Pickles, John Prescott and Ann Widdecombe in a love triangle. It's all your fault!
Edwina Currie, John Major and his big blue underpants. Well that mental image is her fault, and one I shan't forgive her for in a hurry.
Where's the mind bleach!
Just imagine what Louise Mensch would get up to with Google Glasses?!?!
The horror... The horror...
Dear Android Manufacturers,
Please can I have a stylus. Not on all models, I'm not greedy. But you keep bringing out all these lovely tablety goodies, and they're much cheaper than iPads. But only Samsung have bothered to give us pens. So their Galaxy Notes are all top price, with no competition.
No-one wants to be forced to use a stylus for the UI. We all know that's horrible, and we're all happier for having capacative screens (except when we've got our gloves on). But everyone should also know that drawing and handwriting without a stylus are also horrible. And it's such a natural thing to have on a 7" tablet. Please, please, pretty please.
Otherwise I'll have to write to Jim'll Fix It - and you wouldn't want me to do that now would you...
Re: A lotta donuts
There's a Krispy Kreme in Harrods.
That must be the mathematical Holy Grail that is: Expensive squared. They probably do a special one that's diamond encrusted, and filled with the tears of orphans. For £20,000. Probably with a free orphan thrown in for refills.
I was very disappointed when Fayed sold Harrods. He said he was going to have himself mummified and be interred in a pyramid on the ceiling. I wonder why no-one ever checked his blood for drugs...
However, if he'd not sold, the combined weight of the 2 egomaniac paranoid nutjobs in such a small area would probably have distorted the space-time continuum and led to a tin-foil hole forming in the area...
Re: Charge?Charge?We don need no streaking charge!
Yes the Swedes could interviewed Assange in England. They could have changed their laws for his convenience. But they decided not to. Shame that...
On the other hand, he could have complied with the law of the country he said he wanted to become a citizen of. He could have avoided fleeing the country, but didn't. He could have complied with the European arrest warrant, but didn't. He could have complied with the court order, after he'd lost his appeal over the EAW. But didn't. He can come out of the embassy any time he likes and comply with the law, or he can sit in there and rot for the next umpteen years. Or as long as the Ecuadorian Ambassador wishes to put up with him anyway. It's his choice.
Re: A lotta donuts
Well, it's like the street value of drugs seized by police. The street value of a police officer is much higher than their cost if you get them wholesale...
Or, as you suggest, they could just be eating a lot of Doughnuts. Say there's a nearby Krispy Kreme outlet, then that £14k could buy them as many as 5 or 6 doughnuts per day...
I wonder if old Julian showers regularly while he's in there? Or is he whiffing up their embassy something awful? I know the Guardian guys who worked with him on the US diplomatic cables complained that they were stuck in small windowless rooms with him, and he he hadn't bothered to wash or change clothes in several days.
Maybe that's the answer. The police have all been equipped with gas masks, just in case...
Haven't you changed your handle? Or is there another, slightly different, Vimes? Anyway, no badge for you. You need 100 posts and a year's use of the handle to get bronze:
The qualifying thresholds for badges are:
Bronze More than one year members and more than 100 posts in the last 12 months.
Silver Silver badge holders meet bronze requirements and have more than 2000 upvotes.
Gold This discretionary badge is awarded by Reg staff to commentards who have been very helpful - to us, through news tips and beta testing, for example - and to their fellow readers, through their posts.
Forum privileges are awarded according to commentard handle - not by user account. This means that if you change your handle, you will lose your forum privileges. Also, votes on your anonymous posts do not count towards you gaining badges.
So you've got 6 months in the salt mines before elevation to bronzeyness. And if you've got 2,000 upvotes I guess you go straight to silver, do not pass go, do not collect £200.
Sadly they've not extended editing to the other badgers yet, only the 10 gold ones. I don't know quite why, as they said they were going to, but maybe it's just a case of not getting round to it.
That doesn't necessarily mean you're a baaaad person, but I'm going to keep an eye on ewe, just in case...
Stallman hasn't even discovered the sock...
Re: Wibbly wobbly pebbles!
It might not be raining. But it's freezing cold, so you can't get out of the car anyway. So we're talking Skegness.
This is The Register. Where every commentard with an Apple is a Fanboi, every Linux user has a beard/socks/sandals, and every Oracle user sacrifices goats to Larry Ellison each week. All Yahoo! stories have exclamation marks! All Facebook stories contain the word "bitch", and all Google stories have some combination of chocolate factory, oompah-loompah and privacy-hating. That's the way things go round here, are you not used to it yet?
Re: How about, to save all the worry, don't go to mars
What do you reckon NASA will find a cure for cancer, then the astronauts will steal it, and take it with them to Mars?
Come to think of it, where do you think NASA spends its money? I'll let you into a secret. They spend it on Earth. They don't sneak off to Galaxy Motors on Alpha Centauri, with pockets stuffed with gold, on the look-out for cheap second-hand spaceships.
They get some money from Congress and agree to spend it in the right bits of America that they can get enough votes to get their budget passed...
And most of the PR staff will commit suicide as well.
Well every cloud has a silver lining...
Re: 3 other ways
When I was 5 or 6 I'd just watched a film/TV show, where someone falls out of a window and dies. I'd just learned about people with terminal diseases. But obviously not yet learned about stuntmen... So my theory was that they must pay loads of money to people who are dying anyway (for the relatives of course) and then push them out of windows and film it. Or shoot them, or whatever.
Obviously I didn't know much about life at that age, but I guess I was already an expert on Hollywood morality...
Given how expensive stunts and CGI are, I'm sure there's got to be a future for this idea. But I think I prefer option 1. NASA could get to Mars much more easily with a big spaceship. Did I say big? I meant huge. Project Orion would have triple benefits:
1. We get to use up all those old nuclear bombs that no-one really wants around the place.
2. Huge spaceships. And cheap, because the nukes already exist, and the engineering doesn't need to be all fiddly and small/light.
3. Increases global radiation levels, thus making space safer. Relatively, anyway...
What's not to like?
True. Google now have a lot of software out there, if some other vendors decide to get childish, and go tit-for-tat.
Also, how does this sit with Google's policy on Android? Are they going to out all the phone manufacturers and networks who haven't put out Android updates? There's an awful lot of people not running all the bug-fixes on their versions because their phones are abandonware.
Re: Lexus marketing money bestiality video evidence?
What kind of poor excuse for a moderator are you? Feeling generous? Pah! In my day our moderators whipped us, beat us, then cut us into tiny little pieces and danced on our graves. And we were grateful for it too!
...mumble, mumble, young people... mumble, mumble... A proper war, that'd do 'em some good... bring back the birch... national service... mumble, mumble, long-haired can't tell if it's a boy or a girl... mumble, mumble...
Re: Alternate option:
Ads are all about perception, and creating a good one of your brand/product/image. Companies take this stuff incredibly seriously. Admittedly much of it is utter tosh, but when I worked for a US multi-national, the document explaining how, and under what circumstances, to use our company logo went to 19 pages! And heavy forfend if you put the logo at any angle other than 19 degrees, except in the few situations where it had to be straight-and-level...
There's just been a successful campaign on Facebook by women's groups. FB wouldn't remove images they didn't like of violence against women. Apparently Facebook's image can't get any worse, so they hit the advertisers. They'd got Nissan and one other global company to pull their ads from Facebook in only a couple of weeks of campaigning. Because people were complaining to any company who's ads appeared on those pages. And who can blame the advertisers for hating that association? I'm sure they don't approve of rape, nor do they control Facebook's ad-slinging engine.
Much of marketing is about sticking your logo next to something that people like, and hoping some of the magic will rub off. And to some extent that works. So the last thing companies want is the opposite effect, which may be ineffective, less effective, or in their nightmares - more effective. People are more likely to complain than to praise, after all.
In the same sentence you ask why should Samsung be pissed-off and that they just need to lower their profit margins. I think you'll find those two statements are in conflict.
Google are walking a tightrope. No one knows why they bought Motorola. If it was just for the patents, to help defend Android, then the OEMs will be very pleased that they 'took one for the team'. An $11 billion one at that! However that gratitude doesn't extend to wanting to lose any of their profits, so Google can make that cash back. So as soon as Google look to try and turn a profit from Motorola, and make it more competitive, the other Android OEMs are going to get grumpy. But if Google don't, their own shareholders will also get grumpy. Moto lose about $1bn a year, so this is quite an annoying problem.
Samsung are in a position to fork Android, they've certainly got the cash to do it. It would be a hassle, and surely part of the Android appeal is the integration with Google's services. But there are plenty of people out there like Amazon or Microsoft, with cloudy offerings, who'd be willing to buddy up with someone with as many customers as Samsung. Especially with all that lovely data that smartphones generate. The other OEMs aren't in as good a position, but if the Chinese market can be dominated by forked Android phones, with the Google stuff stripped out, there's no reason why others can't be. Samsung are responsible for something like 40% of Android sales, and over 90% of the profits. Google better not piss them off too much. Probably Samsung can't steal all that lot, but I strongly suspect they could trash the Android brand pretty effectively, and there's still Blackberry, WinPho or just forked Android as options (plus Tizen, Sailfish, Mozilla, even Symbian).
Re: no advantage
The more cynical part of me suspects that LG see people like you as the problem. With your disgusting tendency to try and delete the 'wonderful' software they've so bounteously pre-installed onto your handset, your refusal to use the app store they've given you as an alternative to Google's nasty one (which is so overcrowded with software, and not an exclusive boutique like theirs). And finally your constant whining about how they only take a few extra quarters to get your Android updates to you, and just what is the fuss about all that anyway, when they're generously willing to sell you a new handset at any time, with all the latest shinies on it...
Replying to myself. LG just came out and said that they wouldn't be doing another Nexus phone, because there was no advantage to them doing Android without their own skin/apps/crapware. And I just read that Motorola may be killing off Motoblur and going pure 'Droid, which makes sense given who owns them.
Maybe their way to get an advantage out of Google is to write special apps that only they get, but in reality they'll be Google apps. That might give their phones an advantage. But the downside of that is Google would want all their apps to be on as many devices as possible. Especially the clever ones that supposedly predict what settings you want on the phone, depending on where you are, time of day and whether you're working or not. Lots of lovely data to mine there.
There was a piece on this I saw somewhere else, that suggested Motorola had been talking about the margins on smartphones being too high. And that they could be cheaper, while still being premium, and accept less than 50% margins.
If true, that might well really piss off Samsung. I'm sure they're delighted with the huge margins they undoubtedly make on the S4, and would be sad to see it stop. It's a problem for Google. If they go cheap with Motorola to try and build back market share, then the other hardware players will be annoyed. If they allow them special features, then the others will cry favouritism. And yet if they continue to do nothing, then the shareholders will become increasingly grumpy about the $11bn they just spent on Motorola.
Hey Google! You did have a plan when you bought them didn't you?
Re: Who had the wheels?
I don't remember that particular episode of Chorlton and the Wheelies. But I'm sure with enough Googling I should be able to turn up something...
What part of finance isn't complex?
Large parts of finance are extremely simple, so long as you understand a few basic concepts - and the terminology. If you do it every day, and still don't understand some transaction then it's entirely possible that there's something wrong with the offer. But it's embarrassing to say "I don't understand" when everyone else is busily pretending that they do. This is the root of quite a lot of the recent financial crisis.
If risk-management can't understand it, then they can't manage it, or price it. Like selling interest rate swaps to small businesses, the offer was too complex for them to understand because the banks were hiding the fact that there was virtually no upside in the deal for the small businesses concerned. Whichever way interest rates went, the banks did OK. But they were sold as a way of avoiding volatility.
An interesting article. Thanks.
There's also a problem the other way. With dodgy adverts appearing on legitimate sites. Which leads me to wonder how much of the blame to put at the door of the ad networks.
I've noticed that quite a few web cartoons take the scummiest, dodgiest adverts for diet-pills and work-from-home-scams. This includes something as big as Dilbert, which surely could manage to get financed by better adverts than that?
I've always been amazed by the piss-poor quality of Facebook ads as well. Maybe it's because I log in every 6 weeks or so, and post even less frequently - plus my personal information is only partly true. But surely it's not in Facebook's interest to be running ads that are obvious scams - it's truly amazing just how many Eastern European and Asian women want to marry me, and how many competitions I've won with prizes of free iPads. I've even won a few Lexuseseseseseses! Or is it Lexii?
Re: Love the thing
I still keep thinking I'd like to dump my smartphone. Give me a 7" tablet and a dumb phone that can give it a WiFi hotspot. Which could work equally well with something like this, so I can dump my cheapy camera, and if it's got enough memory (or SD card slot) also my mp3 player.
I'm still not happy with the compromises in any smartphone I've used. I'm sure one day they'll all do phone, email, sat-nav, internet, camera and music player well with enough battery to cope with multiple uses. But that still looks to be some time away, so I'm still carrying several bits of kit.
- It's true, the START MENU is coming BACK to Windows 8, hiss sources
- Pic NASA Mars tank Curiosity rolls on old WET PATCH, sighs, sniffs for life signs
- How UK air traffic control system was caught asleep on the job
- Google embiggens its fat vid pipe Chromecast with TEN new supported apps
- Microsoft: Don't listen to 4chan ... especially the bit about bricking Xbox Ones