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* Posts by John G Imrie

1025 posts • joined 17 Jun 2009

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BOFH: Oh DO tell us what you think. *CLICK*

John G Imrie
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This is not good

The BOFH, PFY and Boss all seam to be working together. This can only lead to bloodshed.

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Did a date calculation bug just cost hard-up Co-op Bank £110m?

John G Imrie
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I hate writing

and testing jobs that run once a year. You can never get a decent testing platform for them.

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Come to Oz for sun, surf, ratting on co-workers and surveillance

John G Imrie
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Re: What's so special about "democracy"?

It means that when the current government looses power thy have a vested interest in not starting a civil war to re take it.

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John G Imrie
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Translation

the more intelligence I read, the more conservative I become. The more deeply I come to comprehend the capacity of terrorists to evade surveillance, the more I want to be assured that where our agencies are constrained, the threat to civil liberty is real and not merely theoretical

The more scary stuff the intelligence agencies feed me, the more I want to crawl under my desk and leave it all to them.

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Anatomy of OpenSSL's Heartbleed: Just four bytes trigger horror bug

John G Imrie
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Re: Does the leak cross services?

From what I know about this the answer is 'It depends'. But I suspect that if you can access OpenSSL for any service on a server you can assume that everything on that server is compromised.

I'm not sure if this can cross the boundary of virtual systems running on the same iron or not though.

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Microsoft: We've got HUNDREDS of patents on Android tech

John G Imrie
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that's strong evidence that the patents are robust.

Nope. it just means that the bean counters have decided that it's cheaper to pay than to fight.

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European Court of Justice rips up Data Retention Directive

John G Imrie
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Joke

Re: At Last !

Oh wine, SHUT UP!

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Google kills fake anti-virus app that hit No. 1 on Play charts

John G Imrie
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Trollface

@ jbernardo

I got my silver badge because of my stunning repartee, amazing wit, and blackmailing one of the Journos here on Ell Reg*. Not because of any perceived technical competence.

How are you planning on getting yours?

*One or more of the preceding statements may be at variance with established facts.

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John G Imrie
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Is this the same Android AV scanner...

That I've been getting adverts for on my phone. I avoided clicking on it because.

1) I have lookout installed.

2) The icon looked like lookout's icon.

3) I assume every advert that appears on my phone that doesn't name the company to be fraudulent.

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Technology is murdering customer service - legally

John G Imrie
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Re: Amazon aren't bad

Amazon seam to have come to the conclusion that

a) They will fuck up every now and then. Not surprising considering how they work their packers.

b) If someone has taken the time to call them, they can use this to sell the caller more goods.

c) The best way to sell the caller more goods is to resolve their problem as quickly and efficiently as possible.

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John G Imrie
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Re: Customer services here, how may I /seem/ to help you?

This will free me up to get back to developing an AI to relieve me of the chore of watching television.

I don't need an AI for that. I mistakenly turned on the TV while it was tuned into the X factor. Now all I need is to talk to someone at the local support group, I've been on hold for an hour now and I swear if I hear green sieves on more time I'll rip the phone line ou <NO CARRIER>

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Money? What money? Lawyer for accused Silk Road boss claims you can't launder Bitcoin

John G Imrie
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Re: Having both ways...

Yes lawyers have it both ways. It is perfectly reasonable for a lawyer to put forward the following defence.

He didn't do it.

If he did do it in this case it wasn't illegal.

If it was illegal then the circumstances around the act mean that he should get the minimum sentence.

Note that the last defence assumes guilt, but the prosecution can not use that to get past the first defence.

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ECCENTRIC, PINK DWARF dubbed 'Biden' by saucy astronomers

John G Imrie
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Re: re: Is this an average? as I thought the Earth's orbit was elliptical?

Just one problem. As the earth approaches the Sun it speeds up. it slows down as it moves away. So it should take less time to go around the half of the ellipse close to the Sun that the other half.

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Apple vows to add racially diverse EMOJIS after MILEY CYRUS TWITTER outrage

John G Imrie
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Re: Argh, nooo...

The Unicode Consortium explicitly states in the Unicode Specification that the colour of the character is not part of the standard. Anyway you can always use ☻

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WTF: Twitter bug temporarily kills THAT Oscar selfie

John G Imrie
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OMG

I'm literally going to write OMG in a comment about twitter on another web site's comment system.

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Bletchley boffins go to battle again: You said WHAT about Colossus?

John G Imrie
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Re: Willy waving

The problem with that is they would go for option 4

Stall until all the important artifices can be removed into privet hands then let the buildings and gardens rot.

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The Reg's guide to cursing in Mongolian

John G Imrie
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They actually banned the word Bad.

I think that's just to annoy the Michael Jackson fans.

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'Weev' attempts to overturn AT&T iPad 'hack' conviction

John G Imrie
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Re: Insecure = ok?

So, because the server was insecure and he didn’t have to try very hard to get the data, that gives him the right to get it?

No.

He went to the server and said give me all the data you are allowed to give me. And then told AT&T that it had given him all these email addresses.

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ROBO-SNOWDEN: Iraq, the internet – two places the US govt invaded that weren't a threat

John G Imrie
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Russia or Guantanomo Bay

You decide

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Eight hour cleansing to get all the 'faggots' and 'bitches' OUT of Github

John G Imrie
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he's pretending it's about food.

Bollocks. Faggots *ARE* a food. No pretence about it. They are a kind of meat ball.

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John G Imrie
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Offence

I find the social norm offensive.

Good that's the last base covered. We can all shut up now.

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John G Imrie
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Re: That's my code knackered then.....

You Midlanders are weird. Up in Yorkshire we burn our faggots.

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John G Imrie
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Re: Equal or !=

I'm an equal opportunities abuser.

Fuck the lot of you.

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MH370 airliner MYSTERY: The El Reg Pub/Dinner-party Guide

John G Imrie
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Solving the flight time problem

Someone somewhere has had to pay for all the fuel in that plane. That means there are at least two companies with records one the airline and two the airport fuelling company.

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WTF is … the multiverse?

John G Imrie
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(The science is so beyond me this is the only way it makes sense).

I think you need to talk to Disaster Area's chief research accountant. I used to have his number but I lost it one day watching a couple making out in the ticket queue at Fenchurch Station.

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John G Imrie
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That depends ...

on how you define the universe.

An other definition does not make it all of existence, but defines it as that region of space time that has the same physical laws as we observe on earth.

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Earth's night-side gets different kinds of neutrinos from day-side

John G Imrie
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This sounds like the

'Hum that's weird' moment where science starts.

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US judge Koh won't ban old Samsung gear, tells Apple: Your patents aren't that amazing

John G Imrie
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FAIL

The problem with "thermonuclear war

is that you will lose.

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Apple to grieving sons: NO, you cannot have access to your dead mum's iPad

John G Imrie
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If apple demand a court order

Then I'd bill them for the privilege.

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Hey, MoJ, we're not your Buddi: Brit firm abandons 'frustrating' crim-tagging contract

John G Imrie
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recompete

Recompete, that's a word now?

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Cyber battle apparently under way in Russia-Ukraine conflict

John G Imrie
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Re: Got to love Putin.....

My mother ... I'll tell you about my mother!

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Ever get the impression a telesales op was being held prisoner?

John G Imrie
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Re: Thoughts summed up

The big difference I can see is that in prison they have to feed and water you in the call centre they don't.

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John G Imrie
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Joke

Bloody prisoners, coming over here and taking our call centre jobs.

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Child sex abuse image peddlers dodge UK smut filters and demand Bitcoin payments

John G Imrie
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Re: Unintended consequences.

The only way you can report CP safely is to be under the age of criminal responsibility. That's why only children should report CP.

I was going to add the joke icon, but really this is not funny.

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Satya Nadella shakes up Microsoft, appoints 'Scroogled' man Mark Penn as strategy chief

John G Imrie
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Re: MS adverts are always awful

My first thought was. 'Micosoft, now you can work for free anywhere'

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ZeuS KICKS that SaaS: Trojan raids Salesforce.com accounts

John G Imrie
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If it's not on your servers

Then it's not your data.

In this case it seams to be use the cloud and kiss any policies you have set for your companies computers good by.

Any sensible admin would have set up the corporate network to have blocked this users laptop from connecting due to the expired virus scanner. How are you supposed to do the same for your cloud service?

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Wot a COCKUP: Poorly NHS websites spawn SPAMMY VIAGRA ads

John G Imrie
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HSCIC and care.data

So it's not HSCIC that we have to worry about when it come to the data security of our electronic records. It's all the other parts of the NHS that can't seam to secure their data.

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NHS England tells MPs: 'The state isn't doing dastardly things with GP medical records'

John G Imrie
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One big database

I've never understood why it has to be 'one big database'. Why not define communication and anonymization protocols that can be run at the GP's surgery so only the minimum amount of data requested can be accessed.

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Robo-termites will stack boxes IN SPAAACE

John G Imrie
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Re: Right...

Hay look at that big blue asteroid it's only 90 million miles from where we want the Dyson Sphere and it's chock loaded with carbon we can use for the structure of the Sphere

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SCRAP the TELLY TAX? Ancient BBC Time Lords mull Beeb's future

John G Imrie
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I hope you don't have kid's

Because if you do you owe me a massive rebate on my taxes for helping educating them.

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'Wind power causes climate change' shown to be so much hot air

John G Imrie
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Re: Surprised by RC's statement!

You are confusing local and global effects.

The Sahara desert has a daily summer temperature range of around -5ºC to 50ºC.This means that there is sufficient energy to rise the temperature by 55ºC by the hottest part of the day. However all that energy dissipates during the afternoon, evening and night allowing the temperature to drop.

A global rise of .3ºC means that on average there is sufficient energy in the atmosphere to heat the entire atmosphere by .3ºC. That additional energy will try to dissipate and the most likely way for that to happen is through more violent storms.

PS it's not the temperature numbers you have to worry so much about , but the amount of energy required to raise the entire atmosphere by that temperature.

For those of an experimental bent try this simple experiment.

Put half a pint of water in a pan put it on your stove and see how long it takes to boil away.

Now do the same with 30 pints of water. this ratio matches the same ratio of the Sahara to the world and the ratio of the two times will give you the ratio of energy required to heat both to the same temperature. see how much more energy is required.

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'No, I CAN'T write code myself,' admits woman in charge of teaching our kids to code

John G Imrie
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Trollface

No, no it's not.

But apparently it is hard

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fWHoaR! Trick-cyclists crack eternal mystery of WHAT WOMEN WANT in a man

John G Imrie
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If this is true

then Stewie Griffin is the hottest male on the planet.

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Facebook turns 10: Big Brother isn't Mark Zuckerberg. It's YOU

John G Imrie
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Re: Conformity

<Brian>"You are all individuals"

<Crowd>"Yes, we're all individuals"

<Single man in Crowd>"Er, I'm not"

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John G Imrie
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Conformity

Well I think we are all different.

Except for the person reading this obviously.

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Unmanned, autonomous ROBOT TRUCK CONVOY 'drives though town'

John G Imrie
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Re: New terrorist plan...

This has the added advantage in that you can re-use the innocent pedestrians instead of having to round up a new bunch of them.

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Volunteers slam plans to turn Bletchley Park into 'geeky Disneyland'

John G Imrie
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Unhappy

Says it all really

New tours of the facility have now started which take just one hour, rather than 90 minutes, to help pack even more tourists in.

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Blocking BitTorrent search sites 'ineffective': Pirate Bay ban lifted for Dutch ISPs

John G Imrie
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Re: Still no legal TPB alternative

What you mean there's some kind of entertainment after the scary warnings and trailers for films that came out 3 years ago?

Dam I really mus stop using these DVD's as wine coasters.

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Behold the world's first full-colour 3D printer

John G Imrie
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Rubber like parts.

I wonder if i does flesh tones?

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CERN boffins fire ANTI-HYDROGEN BEAM

John G Imrie
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Re: Interesting

If Anti-matter does fall 'up' it would explain why we can't see any of it. is as far from us as it can get.

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