* Posts by John G Imrie

1212 posts • joined 17 Jun 2009

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Oi, Twitter! Sign this or we won't talk to you, growls EU

John G Imrie
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Damit El Reg

You went ahead and reminded them!

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The Government Digital Service: The Happiest Place on Earth

John G Imrie
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Bewere of thoes that want to make the world a happy place

For more evil is done in the name of Happiness than any mad Dictator could dream of.

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Hawking hologram comforts One Direction fans with Zayny parallel universe claim

John G Imrie
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Re: Conundrum

If there is a Universe in which parallel lines meet, is it then parallel to all other universes?

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John G Imrie
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Re: Steven Hawkins greatest hit

OOPS. Stupid auto correct + dyslexia = unintentional comedy.

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John G Imrie
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Steven Hawkins greatest hit

is still running over Dr. Brian Cox whilst sinning the Galaxy Song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZTpBWhmamWo

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Microsoft to offer special Surface 3 for schools

John G Imrie
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Micosoft gives

Remember kids, the first one's free.

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Something's missing in our universe: Boffins look into the SUPERVOID

John G Imrie
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Re: Yes, but

Doesn't Quantum Physics say it will take all paths, until you look at them.

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Cheer up songwriters, there's shedloads of money rolling in

John G Imrie
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Song

Don't Download This Song - Weird Al Yankovic's

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Don%27t_Download_This_Song

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Google versus the EU: Sigh. You can't exploit a contestable monopoly

John G Imrie
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Re: Harm..

There is a significant drop between first and second link. Even moving from 9 to 10 gives you a masive reduction in clicks.

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John G Imrie
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Play store

Not so sure you can un-install, as I've never tried it. I do know that you can add other stores.

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Neurobabble makes nonsense brain 'science' more believable

John G Imrie
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Re: Are we participating now ?

It's the Mice. They are still looking for the Ultimate Question.

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Labour policy review tells EU where to stuff its geo-blocking ban

John G Imrie
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Re: "should" ?

It's not about free

It's about not being able to buy a UK TV licence in and then be able to stream the Boat Race live on my laptop because I happen to be in Belgium that day.

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WHAT did GOOGLE do SO WRONG to get a slapping from the EU?

John G Imrie
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There’s little chance of a European YouTube rival getting much backing

That's because without a behemoth like Google behind it any video sharing site is going to be killed by the music and movie businesses.

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Lib Dem manifesto: Spook slapdown, ban on teen-repelling Mosquitos

John G Imrie
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Re: I'm stuck in the same boat.

The Flying Spaghetti Monster Party?

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Radio 4 and Dr K on programming languages: Full of Java Kool-Aid

John G Imrie
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Re: Podcast introduction

So you use lots of Anglo Saxon rather that that modern Norman rubbish brought over with William the Conqueror

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John G Imrie
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Re: Perl ftw!

I'm busy writing more Perl to keep bits of the Internet ticking over and I don't work for Booking.com :-)

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Microsoft uses Windows Update to force Windows 10 ads onto older PCs

John G Imrie
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FAIL

So let me get this right

Once this has installed there is a config file that any virus writer can tweak to get the machine to point to their own add slinging server.

I must have got that wrong, surly.

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EU Commish mulls new bloc-wide rule on web content takedowns

John G Imrie
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You need a better oppereator.

I walked into one of my operators shops and within five minutes I was walking out again with the adult filter turned off.

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UK.gov: We want Britannia's mobe-enabled cars to rule the roads

John G Imrie
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"largely by better use of time in the vehicle, increasing productivity, labour market flexibility and much greater opportunity for trade”.

So now you will be able to work for free for your boss on the way too and from the station as well as on the train :-(

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Microsoft update mayhem delays German basketball game, costs team dear

John G Imrie
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Re: Linux

IIRC you can ^C that

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Anti-gay Indiana starts backtracking on hated law after tech pressure

John G Imrie
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Re: Is it about religion?

Here's a goody that I use when confronted by the religious bidets.

If my work mate works on the Sabbath am I morally obliged to kill them myself or can I call the police.

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Home Office awards Raytheon £150m over e-borders cancellation

John G Imrie
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However, by 2010 it had terminated the contract, due to significant delays and missed targets.

So why are we paying these buggers anything?

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700,000 beautiful women do the bidding of one Twitter-scamming man

John G Imrie
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Re: Ahhh Twitter...

Does that mean that once you clear out all the scam accounts Twitter is left with one real user, namely Stephen Fry?

There is also the 5 Journalists paid to follow him

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PATRIOT Act axed, NSA spying halted ... wake up, Neo, it's just a dream in the US House of Reps

John G Imrie
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The Founding Fathers

The Founding Fathers new that the constitution was not perfect, that's why you have the amendments.

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Massive DDoS racks up $30,000-a-day Amazon bill for China activists

John G Imrie
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Not Hari Seldon

But Salvor Hardin

Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent

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UK.gov crackpots: Let's build vapourware-based sharing economy CITIES

John G Imrie
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Pirate

residents are encouraged to share as part of their daily lives

The last time I shared the RIAA hit me with a tone of bricks.

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Cisco posts kit to empty houses to dodge NSA chop shops

John G Imrie
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Re: Grammar pet peeve - it's boxii not boxen, as in virii not viruses

It's boxen.

Box => Boxen

as in

Ox => Oxen

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GCHQ: Ensure biz security by STOPPING everyone from TALKING

John G Imrie
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weakest link

Staff in general are the "weakest link in the security chain" and disgruntled employees and the mischief they can create are a particular threat, the spooks advise.

So not the CxO's who think security is for the little people then?

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Zombie SCO shuffles back into court seeking IBM Linux cash

John G Imrie
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Interference with Business Relationships

Didn't Novel settle that bit by calling SCO to heal when they first went after IBM

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Vince Cable opens hipster-friendly London tech creche

John G Imrie
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Re: a uniquely British solution

OCP here we come.

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John G Imrie
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Like Universities then. Oxford and Cambridge.

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Health & Safety is the responsibility of Connor's long-suffering girlfriend

John G Imrie
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Question

After checking out some code you notice one of the file s produces a syntax error. A quick blame on the code reveals it to be your boss after one of his all night hacking sessions.

Do you.

A) Quietly inform your boss, then fix the code so you look like a loyal employee.

B) Inform all your co workers so you all have amo during the next pay review

C) Update your CV as this is the second time this week this has happened, and it's Tuesday.

D) All of the above

The correct answer will be posted later.

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Microsoft man: Internet Explorer had to go because it's garbage

John G Imrie
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IE7

Thy art lucky lad*.

We'd dream of be able to only have to go back as far as IE7.

We still have client's on IE6 and that have no migration strategy.

We also have a bunch of clients who are getting ready to roll out their upgrade from Win XP to Windows 7.

IE7, ha. Lucky bugger.

* The author of this post was born in Yorkshire and knows the the Four Yorkshire Men sketch pre dates Monty Python's Flying Circus.

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Net neutrality secrecy: No one knows what the FCC approved (BUT Google has a good idea)

John G Imrie
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Senetor O'Riley ...

should serve himself with a Freedom of Information request to release all the versions of the regulations he has been given :-)

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Porn on Blogger – Google takes stiff action

John G Imrie
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So how soon

until a blog appears listing the please accept me page of all the porn blogs

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German music moguls slammed for 'wurst ever DMCA takedown spam'

John G Imrie
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Re: Fines

Google might be able to get away with it by claiming that they assumed that the documents sent to them where legal. Of cause if a judge decides that that is not a valid excuse than Google has a legal break on all DMCA take down notices, as they will have to take each before a judge to check that it's legal. If the judge agrees that Google's defence is valid there are two options.

1) The judge still allows the case against Google, but allows Google to use all the facts of the case to recover costs against the issuing party.

2) The judge moves that Google is not a party to the suit and says that the Injured party should sue the issuer,.

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John G Imrie
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Re: Why stop?

I think that an automated system with no human checking could be claimed not to be in good faith. As a minimum you should be able to challenge the issuing party to justify their code in court.

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I wish I'd leaked sooner says Edward Snowden in post-Oscar chinwag

John G Imrie
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The answer is simple.

Oprah: President Lout, is this a picture of you simulating sex with a stuffed goat.

President Lout: Yep, that's me. Thought it was funny at the time. How did you get hold of it, it was never copied of the wife's camera

Oprah: Er, an anonymous person gave it to us.

President Lout: Really and how did you verify that it was real.

Oprah: But you just admitted to it being real.

President Lout: Yes I did. But until then you where on a fishing expedition trying to discredit me and my policy of privacy for all. I don't want anyone to have to go through what you just put me through, and that includes you, and the anonymous person from whichever three letter agency gave you the photo

Oprah: Riiiiight?

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Evil CSS injection bug warning: Don't let hackers cross paths with your website

John G Imrie
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Re: The problem is that the server hasn't parsed the request URL properly.

I got the information from http://www.ietf.org/rfc/rfc3875 published in October 2004. How old are your books?

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John G Imrie
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The problem is that the server hasn't parsed the request URL properly.

Sorry the web server has parsed the URL properly.

A URL is <scheme> "://" <server-name> ":" <server-port> <script-path> <extra-path> "?" <query-string>

See that extra-path bit.

The URL to resource translator in a web server can do several things but once it decides to walk the file system it will go down the URL until it finds something that maps to a file rather than a directory. Anything else is passed through to the file. In the old days of CGI scripting it ended up in the PATH_INFO environment variable.

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Did NSA, GCHQ steal the secret key in YOUR phone SIM? It's LIKELY

John G Imrie
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Re: Bloody teenager

I was just going to down vote you but I decided that you are so wrong you need a reply.

How would you like me to follow you around all day and night and write down every thing you said and everyone you met, talked to, passed in the street.

Now assume that one of those people who you bumped into is a person of interest.

So as you bumped into them and as I'm a GCHQ bod I wonder why of all the people he passed that morning you where the only person he bumped into.

So I go back over all you life, and I do have a record of your life, and discover that while you where a student you attended a rally against the Government.

So now you are a person of interest so I get one of my colleges to break into your house and steal all your computers and your TVs.

First off I now have your electronic life that I can scan at my leisure.

Secondly the insurance agency delivers replacement goods riddled with spy ware so I can keep tabs on you.

Are you scared yet. Your life is an open book to me. I know who you are. I know where you work. I know that you smile at the receptionist every morning, interesting is there some latent romantic leanings there that I can use to get leverage against you. I know where your wife gets her hair done and the route your children take on the way home from school. I know which magazines you read, which websites you visit, that you long to holiday in Turky. I know that one of your children thinks they are gay but is afraid to come out to you. I know everything about you.

Cardinal Richelieu allegedly said

If you give me six lines written by the hand of the most honest of men, I will find something in them which will hang him.

I have your life

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Vodafone didn't have a £6bn tax bill. Sort yourselves out, Lefties

John G Imrie
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Yes. And that's a lie.

Really.

If that was the case how come Private Eye has not been sued into oblivion by

a) Vodafone

b) HMRC

c) David Hartnett

Could this be that Hartnett had to admit to 'mistakes' being made in his handling of Vodafone's tax bill?

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Microsoft's patchwork falls apart … AGAIN!

John G Imrie
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Re: Kudos for a job well done!

Well it might change more often than weekly, but us workers only get an update once a week.

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Watch: China has made an internet censorship THEME SONG

John G Imrie
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Re: Screen behind the chorus

You will sing along. Singing is Mandatory.

You will be Happy. Happiness is Mandatory.

The Party is your Friend.

Welcome to Paranoia CN. The new exciting extension to Paranoia XP.

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Gov.UK begs Google 'n' U.S. tech pals: Forget Ireland, come to Blighty

John G Imrie
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Unhappy

The "HQ-UK" initiative is intended to showcase why Blighty

The "HQ-UK" initiative is intended to showcase why Blighty London

FTFY

As I doubt any of these companies will be looking outside the M25

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Lashed Saudi blogger Raif: Prince Charles has word with new king

John G Imrie
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Expected Outcome

The Medical report will say that he is still not fit for the lashing and another one will be commissioned in a months time. This will be repeated until he leaves prison at which point the flogging will be conveniently forgotten about.

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SpaceX HOVER-SHIP landing scuppered by MASSIVE ocean waves

John G Imrie
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Return to land

IIRC The Russians used to bring their cosmanorts back on land rather than a splash down in the ocean.

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Now Samsung's spying smart TVs insert ADS in YOUR OWN movies

John G Imrie
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Happy

Special private film

I have a film of the rowing competition at the London Olympics as well.

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John G Imrie
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liquid innovations

I think he's taking the piss!

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Jeb Bush, the man who may lead the US in 2016, dumps Floridians' private data on the web

John G Imrie
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Re: We're entering a strange world where everything can be connected

even hovering over a link lets the web site know you are thinking about clicking

Not in my browser. and not in yours I expect unless the web page had downloaded some heat map generating javascript.

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