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* Posts by Joefish

669 posts • joined 17 Jun 2009

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FORGET the CLIMATE: FATTIES are a MUCH BIGGER problem - study

Joefish
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Boffin

Someone selectively omitted 'having children' from that list, I notice.

That's if you really want to talk about social burdens...

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You think the CLOUD's insecure? It's BETTER than UK.GOV's DATA CENTRES

Joefish
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"Cloud providers live or die by their cloud security.”

Yes, Maude, and when they die, they take you with them, and there's fuck-all-on-toast you can do about it.

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Webcam hacker pervs in MASS HOME INVASION

Joefish
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Paris Hilton

Re: Erm..

Yep, it took me a good read down the comments before I even twigged what was going on. For a site like El Reg to compound the error in its headline is a rather embarrasing failure. Warrants 20 lashes from a multi-plug power lead and a dozen Hail Adas, at least.

NETCAMs, not WEBCAMs, OK?

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NXT: The first SPAAAACE cryptocurrency

Joefish
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Boffin

Well, no, it's not.

NXT is a LEGO Robotics Microcontroller. A real thing that actually exists and is actually worth something.

(Well, alright, it's been superceded by EV3, but I haven't opened mine yet; there's still 34 days to go...)

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ATTACK OF THE DRONES: ‘Nefarious’ private use rising, says top Blighty copper

Joefish
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Black Helicopters

'Paedoflies Everywhere Spying on Your Private Activities'.

Of course they're already being used extensively to invade leisure parks that ban childless adults for obviously being paedos. It must be true; you just read it right here on the internet. And to prove it, here's some pictures our reporter took earlier of two unsuspecting teenage...

Yep, you're ahead of me.

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Stephen King, William Gibson and The Quantum Moment

Joefish
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The problem I see with Stephen King

is he has his fans, and they keep buying his books, and they seem to like them getting longer each time, wrapped in the minutiae of revisiting the same settings under different circumstances over and over. For anyone who wants to dip in occasionally, or anyone new, the latest tomes come across as great turgid doorstops.

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Post-pub nosh neckfiller: The MIGHTY Scotch egg

Joefish
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I'm not convinced that airfyers are all that much safer -

Plenty of reports of them turning nasty when the fan packs up.

Anyway, seen some special scotch eggs in supermarkets with pork and apple in the mix. Also a nice crunchy coating, which I'd guess is made from crushed corn flakes. Tasty, though sadly not in a fresh-home-made still-warm sort of way.

As for American sausages claiming to be 'all meat', I've seen the expression heavily abused as there'll be ground meat in there, but a disproportionate amount of fat added later. In traditional dried sausage-making it's added (a) as a preservative (b) for calories for trail food and (c) no other bugger wants to eat it, but for frying sausages it's a con.

I know of putting rusk or breadcrumbs into burgers to absorb the flavoursome fat, but I'd have thought it's not so vital with sausages, which have a skin to do that. And as for criticising British sausages for such practices, a lot worse seems to go on on the continent, where so many 'regional specialities' were actually developed using all sorts of produce as filler and flavour to overcome a basic poverty of meat. British sausages were known for containing too much water (why they're called 'bangers' when fried - they could explode), but no-one accepts that any more and any decent butcher will let them hang for a bit to dry and shrink slightly.

As for snacks, I hope it's already on the list, but a Pork Pita Gyros has got to be tried.

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Sky: We're no longer calling ourselves British. Yep. And Broadcasting can do one, too

Joefish
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Re: It used to be that...

You can watch 'Pick' if you like, or get Sky1 through a cable package.

Though both largely consists of unending adverts for Ladbrokes, and, you guessed it, Sky Sports packages.

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Doctor Who trashing the TARDIS, Clara alone, useless UNIT – Death in Heaven

Joefish
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Trollface

So once again, all you need to defeat the Cybermen

is a crying baby...

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Greeks BEST in WORLD – at, er, breaking their mobile phones

Joefish
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Happy

Re: Okay, I'll bite...

*Good Grief*

Anyway, Donner Kebab? Someone needs to try a Pork Pita Gyros, and soon - you're missing out on a treat matey. Nom Nom. Mine's the one with a SqueezyJet return ticket in the pocket...

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Joefish
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Devil

Are there any statistics on how many TVs get smashed

whenever a certain patronising over-priced personal device insurance advert is broadcast?

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Joefish
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Joke

Now do...

...dinner plates.

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One hard ghoulie: 1985's Ghosts 'n Goblins

Joefish
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Re: The Speccy version was not that bad

If you can look past the lack of colour and farty sound, the Speccy version had the best translation of the original gamplay of any of the 8-bit home computer conversions. Dismissing it as 'crap' suggests someone had a quick glance at the various screenshots and thought 'that'll do'. Similarly Keith Burkhill's other Speccy masterpiece, Space Harrier, looks smudgy in a screenshot and lacks certain enemy sprites, but get it moving and the slickness is way ahead of the blocky character-based C64 translation - or the laughably vector-based Amstrad port.

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Arrrr GOSH! Argos website goes titsup to make it EVEN BETTER

Joefish
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Re: Ah Bless

Even more bizarrely, now when you click on offers or new items, it actually enters strings like "FABULOUS DISCOUNTS ON TOP TOY LINES" into the search text and just refreshes.

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Joefish
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Angel

Yep, long live Argos, long live LEGO 3-for-2 with online reserving!

Also they seem to uniquely have one of those Eco-Drive recharging watches with a digital display for the date, so you don't have to dick around with a dial thing every month to set it back to the 1st. Just put a bag over your head or something so you're not recognised at the Lizzy Dook counter.

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Peep peep! All aboard the £300m UK education IT procurement express

Joefish
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Because they have to be seen to be obtaining value-for-money, no matter what it costs to do so.

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El Reg spends One Night in Hell with Queen's Brian May

Joefish
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Meh

That image, along with most 'Magic Eye' (autostereogram) ones

rely on you looking past the image, with your eyelines approaching parallel, not cross-eyed.

Not sure what the fuss is about other than Brian May's involvement though, as I've seen Victorian stereogram cards reproduced in several autostereogram collection books (just not the actual 'Magic Eye' ones).

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HUGE SHARK as big as a WWII SUBMARINE died out, allowing whales to exist

Joefish
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Mushroom

Re: Oh no! // Another crappy SciFi channel movie

I think you'll find it's already been done. Several times in fact.

Even Nigel Marven had a go in a time-travelling yacht.

The suggestion there was that it was in fact the whales' increasing size that led to the Megalodon's extinction; it allowed them to migrate to the poles, where it was too cold for the shark to follow.

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MARS NEEDS WOMEN, claims NASA pseudo 'naut: They eat less

Joefish
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Re: Women are smaller, and thus consume less

It did also occur to me that the answer is then to select smaller men. That this logic escaped the author leads me to question the validity of other arguments.

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Ex-US Navy fighter pilot MIT prof: Drones beat humans - I should know

Joefish
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I think there's some missing reasoning here...

How do we get from 'it's more comfy to sit a hundred miles behind your own lines and remote-pilot a plane into a combat zone than to be sat in it taking fire' to 'it's similarly much better to be sat in a car you have no control over'?

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STONER SHEEP get the MUNCHIES after feasting on £4k worth of cannabis plants

Joefish
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"Look Shaun - I'm a cloud!"

There's a similar highly suspicious tale told on tours of the Greek island of Kefalonia, about a farmer who applied for permission to fence off the end of a gully to keep his goats off the road, and - so the tale is told - everyone agreed his goats appeared much happier behind the barrier. The reason being, the fence was actually keeping people out of his weed plantation and the goats were enjoying the side-effects.

Though doubt sets in when one wonders how much weed you'd actually be able to grow with a load of goats around munching everything in sight down to the ground. But it's not in the right spirit to raise such questions...

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SDI wars: WTF is software defined infrastructure?

Joefish
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Joke

Re: SDI - Suddenly I'm reminded of Ronald Reagan

Didn't you know? We ran out of TLAs in the mid-nineties. At least some of them are being recycled.

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Joefish
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Devil

So instead of buying a f***ton of cheap proven storage,

Or even renting a f***ton of forrin storage from some shady rep you've never met,

You buy a f***ton of new expensive unproven hardware to juggle your data and drag it around between lots of people you've never met without you really knowing where any of it is?

Does this remind anyone of the financial industry, where the trick is to invent some entirely new financial 'instrument' (as they call it) that seems perfectly robust, shift as many as you can, then run off with the cash before anyone has time to actually think about it for a bit?

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Apple KILLS SUPER MARIO. And Zelda. And Sonic

Joefish
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Paris Hilton

Re: What did people expect?

Since when were the ST and Amiga locked down? Anyone could code for them and loads did. And there were loads of 3rd party books, tools and compilers to help you do it. PC gaming then took off as 3D graphics cards came of age, which was simply the one bit of the ST/Amiga you couldn't easily replace.

Anyway, you'll find that legitimate emulators such as Spectaculator are still going strong on iOS with full permission of the hardware and software copyright holders. This is merely a final lock-out of piracy-based emulation.

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Oracle will 'kill MySQL' and steal its users? Ha ha, haha, ha. Seriously, we won't – Oracle exec

Joefish
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FAIL

It's not so much what Oracle intends to do with MySQL...

As what they will inevitably do with it simply by being Oracle.

But then MySQL had already poisoned the well with their FUD tactics to try and sell unwanted and unnecessary licenses, long before even Sun stepped in to the frame, never mind Oracle.

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SpaceX Dragon cargo truck flies 3D printer to ISS: Clawdown in 3, 2...

Joefish
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Re: what sort of 3d printer?

Looks like an additive type, the sort that feeds in plastic, softens it with heat at the print head, and builds up the model in layers. A fancy version of a hot-glue-gun. They mention a next iteration using 'higher temperature plastics'. There was some discussion before about printing metal parts, but the only way I know of of achieving that is with laser sintering of powder, which relies on gravity to keep the powder in a level bed.

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Virgin Media blocks 'wankers' from permissible passwords

Joefish
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FAIL

Re: Merde!

Exactly - it's almost as if they're worried that an unencrypted list of passwords may be leaked, or that perhaps an employee might be asked to read out a user's password over the phone...

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Boffins attempt to prove the UNIVERSE IS JUST A HOLOGRAM

Joefish
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Coat

Re: Problem I have with the hologram theory...

Doesn't matter how small something really is; there's a fundamental difference between a 2-D shell in 3-D space and a 3-D object. Then again, considering electron orbits, maybe it is just shells all the way down...

So we were at least partly right with the turtles...

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Joefish
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Boffin

Problem I have with the hologram theory...

How does a hologram encoded in two dimensions represent anything other than a 2-D surface projected into three dimensions? Holograms as we know them are merely infinitely thin projected surfaces; they're unable to encode any concept of solidity. One object hidden behind or placed inside another would cease to exist.

I supppose if you imagine everything to be at least semi-permeable to at least some form of radiation, you'd have the equivalent of nested coloured glass objects, which could be represented holographically. But still, is that enough information to represent the properties of everything intersecting a particular line of sight?

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Six of the best gaming keyboard and mouse combos

Joefish
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Yes, and if you read the post, I'm suggesting a single hand-held directional device in the left hand; this still leaves you free to use a mouse in the right hand as a targetting device for FPS games. It can also give you analogue directional control rather than the contorted digital input of your typical WASD settings. Perhaps you could address the actual suggestion rather than your own straw man.

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Joefish
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Some of those mice may be responsive, but frankly, they look ridiculous.

As for playing games with a keyboard - why would anyone do that?

Two alternatives for FPSs that are infinitely more responsive and don't leave you with arthritic claws at the ends of your arms; (1) USB/Wii adaptor and a nunchuk analogue stick in the left hand. (2) PS1/2 adaptor and an ASCIIWare Grip pad in the left hand. Very surprised there's no direct USB version of either of these. Even if you run out of buttons, you can still reach over and jab a keyboard key without taking your thumb off the directional control.

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Drunkards warned: If you can't walk in a straight line, don't shop online, you fool!

Joefish
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Devil

The expression "So What?"

does spring to mind...

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Chomp that sausage: Brits just LOVE scoffing a Full Monty

Joefish
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Boffin

Re: A question for our British friends...

"This is the only way to have enough runny yoke to stick your soldiers into."

Which just goes to demonstrate that you've never had a good over-easy; it preserves much more of the yolk in a runny state than splashing with oil, which can cause hardening around the edges, particularly if then left on a hot plate for too long. The trick is to flip the egg while there's still some white left on top still to set, and not to be too eager to flip it back or it'll break the thin skin over the yolk. Or you could try learning how to poach an egg properly, but that's not so easily done!

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Joefish
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Re: A question for our British friends...

I dare say the sight of your version might make us feel a bit queasy; not every country seems to pile as much sugar into its breakfasts as the US does! Do an image search for 'Heinz Beans' - white haricot beans in a bright orange tomato-based sauce. Sounds like the ones you saw had been stewed far too hot for too long; if the sauce starts to dry out they break down to mush when you try and serve them up. Though if you add a dab of olive oil or butter and catch them at just the right moment they can be wonderfully sticky. Not that it seems you got the fried bread to serve them on; I suppose that could be forgiven on the Irish, but not a Full English.

On a similar note, be fore-warned that our 'French Toast' (Eggy Bread) doesn't contain the customary half-pound of cinammon in every slice either! However, I will admit that your 'over easy' eggs are excellent in a bread roll and a lot easier than the British way of doing a slightly whitened sunny-side-up fried egg by splashing the top with hot oil.

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Joefish
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Devil

Quick query

The thinner, reddish, sweet sausages they serve up with a Holiday Inn breakfast - any tips on what I should be looking for in a supermarket to replicate that lethal and presumably unethically sourced deliciousness?

(I do have a stash of Corfiot loukaniko in the freezer, but they're about to run out and I need to find a substitute soon).

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'Be super careful with AI. It's potentially more dangerous than NUKES'

Joefish
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Happy

Today will not be known as Taco Tuesday

It will be known as freedom Friday,

but still on a Tuesday!

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World's only flyable WWII Lancaster bombers meet in Lincs

Joefish
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Black Helicopters

Re: Love that noise

Quite right. The ear-shattering racket of a Eurofighter Typhoon climbing on full twin afterburners is just so uncouth in comparison.

I was once on the M27 just passing the end of the runway at Southampton airport when the Lancaster took off heading for Bournemouth. I honestly ducked inside the car...

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Joefish
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Thumb Up

Re: Is it just me...

Sorry, I'm wildly inaccurate and just have to settle for 633 Squadron.

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Simian selfie stupidity: Macaque snap sparks Wikipedia copyright row

Joefish
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Trollface

Re: There is a definite resemblance.

Except that no photo of Jimmy Wales is popping up right now in a million messages that end in the phrase "... has changed their profile picture".

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Joefish
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Coat

Re: Good article.

"If you own a monkey and the monkey takes a photo, do you own the photo in that case?"

Is that based on the primate facie evidence?

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Joefish
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Joke

Re: not likely at all...

I believe it has been pointed out repeatedly that the 'infinite number of monkeys sat at keyboards reproducing the works of Shakespeare' is entirely disproved by one quick glance at the internet.

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Joefish
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Paris Hilton

Re: Slater doesn't "Own" the photo, because he doesn't and the monkey doesn't

Yes it's different, because human art students have rights themselves protected by the law; their tutor can't claim their works as his own, unless they specifically sign them over. Animals and machines do not have such rights. If he set up a clockwork whirly paint sprayer in front of the canvas, he would be considered the artist. If he let a spider crawl through paint and walk across the canvas, he would also own the result. And if he put a brush in the hand of a monkey to see what happens, the end result would also be his. You cannot simply claim no-one is responsible for the result just because you feel like it. There is no legal grounds for denying him the rights to the artistry that resulted from a situation he was responsible for. Only another involved legal party can do that, and there are none.

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Joefish
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Megaphone

Re: Technically it is the monkeys

"the fact that it is the person who presses the button who is considered the owner of copyright , not the owner of the equipment"

If I may put this in terms you might understand:

[CITATION NEEDED]

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Joefish
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Paris Hilton

Re: Hold on! What about the legal rights of Simians??

"Some argue that New Zealand's protections amount to a form of weak legal rights".

Rational human beings with even the vaguest understanding of the law, on the other hand...

Those are prohibitions that apply to humans in contact with the animals, not rights that are conferred on the animals as individuals. What's next, healthcare and free bus passes for Grade II listed buildings? Or maybe housing benefit would be more appropriate...

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Joefish
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Joke

Well, he got a monkey and was paid peanuts...

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Joefish
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Flame

Re: Straw man. This is about intention.

No, this is about the law. the law does not recognise the 'person' or the 'intent' or even the 'who' of the monkey. Arguments about how other parties may involve themselves in the taking of a photograph are irrelevant; the monkey is not another 'party' (however plentifully supplied with PG Tips it may be ;-). You can only take Slater's rights away if there's another party involved that you can claim was at least partly responsible for the image, and there isn't.

And even if it was a Straw Man, scarecrows are similarly unrecognised. It's the lack of brains, you see...

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Joefish
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Mushroom

Re: Monkey Business

Could be worse - at least so far no-one's noticed the lack of tails and tried to tell us all they're apes...

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