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* Posts by Joefish

553 posts • joined 17 Jun 2009

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Mounties always get their man: Heartbleed 'hacker', 19, CUFFED

Joefish
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Re: Canadian Mounted Police - Ahhhh Due South.

"Surely that makes you the mount-er, not the mount-ee?"

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Look out, bankers! It's Lily Cole and her (Brit taxpayer-funded) WISH-PRINTING ATM

Joefish
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Devil

Re: Followed the link...

Hewlett-Packered? Still working on getting that one into a dictionary of rhyming slang...

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Joefish
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Mushroom

I don't know what Biznis Kitty would make of it

But I'd like to see what Angry Kitty would make of it.

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Win XP security deadline: Biz bods MUST protect user data – ICO

Joefish
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Joke

Re: Yeah, and we all fell for that ridiculous panic that immediately after 31 December 1999

Dear The Register,

I hereby return this 'Joke Alert' icon for replacement, repair or refund (at your discretion) on the basis that it has proven wholly defective in its intended purpose, to whit, indicating that the post it accompanies is not to be taken seriously, neither in whole nor in part.

As an aside, may I also ask of your editorial team, as keen adjudicators of humour in the field of IT (as indicated by your hilarious fictional comedic segments 'BOFH' and 'The Channel') that you let readers know when such subversive humour as exemplified in the previous century by Messrs. Corbett and Barker (collectively known by the pseudonym 'The Two Ronnies') ceases to be considered so fucking controversial.

With all due regard to your time and percipience,

Yours Faithfully,

Joe F. Ish Esq. BSC SSC No Monies Retun'd To Conclude with Rule Brittania in full chorus.

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Joefish
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Paris Hilton

Re: Yes, we spent millions and millions of pounds fixing the Y2K bug

Do you actually read the posts you're replying to?

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Joefish
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Facepalm

Re: Re: Yeah, and we all fell for that ridiculous panic that immediately after 31 December 1999

I know. I was one of those people, in my case in the MoD with a huge database of critical helicopter monitoring data and algorithms...

It was a joke. I even used the joke icon to say it was a joke, for Frith's sake... *cries*

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Joefish
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Joke

Yeah, and we all fell for that ridiculous panic that immediately after 31 December 1999

Grecian 2000 would stop working.

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Wookiee! CHEWIE'S BACK in Star Wars Ep VII – blab Hollywood 'sources'

Joefish
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Trollface

Just to be on the safe side...

Anyone seen Shatner lately?

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Bendy or barmy: Why your next TV will be curved

Joefish
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Facepalm

If curvature is so great, how come it only curves in one dimension?

A pair of curved desktop monitors sounds very cool, though I wonder if my eyes don't actually benfit from the variation in distance from looking around the screen? Not as much as just looking over the top, obviously, but being in that intense period of having just got my first 3DS XL I'm all too aware of what a fixed stare can do to your eyesight.

As has been mentioned, it's the audio argument all over again of a 'sweet spot' vs more than one viewer. Purely targetting the 'early adopter' segment and ignoring the mass-market is not a strategy that convinces me of success. But worse, it's the TV industry again inventing a new thing for which there is inadequate demand, at a time when the whole world is very short of disposable income. I wonder if it'll pan out any different this time...?

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The Great Hash Bakeoff: Infosec bods cook up next-gen crypto

Joefish
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Unhappy

'Disappointed Face'

I thought from the title we were re-visiting the all-important subject of multinational take-away nosh...

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Lego is the TOOL OF SATAN, thunders Polish priest

Joefish
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Re: I think this is important

You're forgetting the answer to one simple question - who has the biggest clout and influence; who buys by far the most LEGO from the LEGO company? And the asnswer is ... Toys'R'Us. Parents buy LEGO from a toy shop.

It's called marketing. That, legal professionals, and catholic priests - you can work out your own order for the lowest circles of hell for that lot.

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Joefish
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Re: Using basic building blocks you could create anything...

@ 'Santa from Exeter'

So, in what way are you NOT James May? This 'Meccano-was-amazing' fantasy is just another aspect of the whole "wasn't life great when we were all half-starved and they were dropping bombs on us" school of reminiscing. What next, bring back those childhood joys of power cuts; kicking white dog-shit down the street; maybe a bit of cholera too? Kids today don't know what they're missing.

I hate to break it to you like this, but the past really isn't better than the present (and that applies to LEGO as much as anything) - what really changed is, you let yourself get OLD!

Now go and buy some proper LEGO. The latest Octan race car is particularly good. And go and see the movie. Then buy some more. Meccano? Seriously? You really wish that on kids today?

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Joefish
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Re: Where are the values?

Look up something called 'The Brick Testament'... ;-)

Then your task for the rest of the day is to work out how The Daily Mail connected the author with paedophiles.

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Joefish
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Re: You forgot Jack McHammer (Groundskeeper Willy) and Frank Rock

I think you'll find that Frank Rock is based on Bruce Campbell's combined history of monster slaying end Elvis impersonating.

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Joefish
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Re: Using basic building blocks you could create anything...

Oh for Frith's sake, have today's comments been taken over by an army of James Mays? That Built-Of-Lots-Of-Colours (BOLOCS) doesn't wash with any kid over five.

I suppose back in your day you had to pretend that a slab of red and blue bits was the Millenium Falcon right up to the age of 12, instead of the officially licensed sets you can buy now that wipe the floor with the sales figures of any other toy you can imagine.

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Say WHAT? ATVOD claims 44k Brit primary school kids look at smut online each month

Joefish
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Holmes

So, add the site addresses to Old Cockwomble's 'Nanny-says' block list

And they instantly disappear from all decent and upstanding households.

Job done. Sit down. Shut up. Fuck off.

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Brit game devs WILL get tax relief for, er, EastEnders Game and Legend of Slough

Joefish
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Mushroom

Two words:

"Dan Dare"

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Judge throws out lawsuit lobbed at Facebook for using kids' pics in targeted ads

Joefish
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Re: So what happens when a minor signs up?

You thought that was worth a '-1'? Really?

Clearly what happens is when they are made aware, they delete the account and remove the images. If you can prove they continue to use the material afterwards then maybe you have a case. But they can't be sued for it when they're the victims of deception, regardless of the age of the perpetrator.

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Joefish
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Presumably some people at Facebook are at least smart enough

To set out the Ts&Cs in such a way, varied from one territory to the next, that they simply say you have to be of whatever the local consensual age is to be able to sign the Ts&Cs, since it's of no value to them to have users they can't exploit for revenue generating purposes.

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Facebook Oculus VR buyout: IT WANTS your EYEBALLS

Joefish
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Alert

Re: Facebook in 3D?

Oh n0es!

Dey just changed the interface so teh LIEK button is 2 pixels CLOSER to me!?!?

WTF, FB!?!11?1??1? [Thumbs Down Icon][Thumbs Down Icon][Thumbs Down Icon]

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Schoolkids given WORLD'S CHEAPEST TABLETS: Is it really that hard to swallow?

Joefish
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Pint

Re: I've worked on a similar project in Zambia

You chap, are a fucking hero.

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Joefish
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Re: Just to wade back into the debat...

Yes, technology has its place, but as has been pointed out, this technology is not about replacing teachers, it is about replacing books - replacing massive libraries one can only dream of with a slim, searchable, self-illuminating, inter-connected slate. Teachers are of course essential, but they come with their own ongoing costs. Many villages across Africa are on terms where they can be supplied with a teacher, but only if they can provide a certain standard of accommodation for them for free.

Now the risk with all this accessibility to information is not that the child becomes over-whelmed, but that the teacher becomes over-whelmed by every child going off and studying on their own to a higher level of knowledge in any one field than the teacher has - now that takes a whole new set of skills to manage.

But it seems to me your problem is the age-old one of getting certain children to engage with any sort of learning - this is less of a problem in developing countries - the sort of disruptive pupil who does not want to go to school because of the influence of parents who see no value in it, simply aren't there in the classroom. The kids in these schools are those who want to learn; whose parents want them to learn; who go home and teach their parents to read; who find ways to bring light into their homes just so they can study into the evening. Not every one will be the ideal, angelic pupil, but they're generally a lot more eager to be there.

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Joefish
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Re: Surely India has bigger problems...

And what about another country, where a girl is shot for wanting to go to school? The first thing she does on recovering is to go back to school. And inspire thousands of other girls to do the same.

A child who has been educated in wider cultures that uphold human rights and equality will not grow into a parent who will murder their own children for cultural affronts. How do you think social change will happen? Spontaneously? By magic? Maybe praying for it really hard? Or could it be education? Better resourced education than before?

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Joefish
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Re: All the world's knowledge

No-one is suggesting these replace the skills of a good teacher. A kid who can't read can't read an encyclopedia, however it is presented. But how can you claim to be a teacher but would deny a child such a valuable aid to learning as a tablet would be, with all that access to encyclopedic information, in the developing world?

'Information overload' is just another 'first-world-problem'. How is a library not 'information overload' too, when you can't possibly be expected to read every book in it? As you say, you need the appropriate skills to navigate such volumes of data. Adults and kids manage and adapt all the time - it seems to me you're the one struggling to cope!

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QUIDOCALYPSE: Blighty braces for £100 MILLION cost of new £1 coin

Joefish
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£500 to update each parking machine?

One suspects the council contractors are having a bit of a Gerald Scarfe with the opportunity to pluck an extra-contractual price out of thin air. If that's what it really costs then someone's done a very bad job somewhere along the way.

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Beastie Boys settle with toy maker over Girls copyright dispute

Joefish
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Re: The hidden beauty of U.S. copyright law.

Tthe parody needs to exist for the sake of satire itself. Al Yankovic typically manages to go a little further and parody not just the original song but satirise a topical subject at the same time. Now promoting a fictional product to mock a real one, or real advertising, is parody. Promoting a real product is not.

But this toy genuinely looks a bit rubbish. Someone's punting a sub-standard construction system at girls in the hope that they won't notice.

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Joefish
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Re: doing a "Snoop Dog"

Actually, I think it's quite a neatly done advert; it's just the product it's advertising is a pathetic embarrassment.

I mean, the latest Lynx ad is a genuinely heart-in-the-mouth moment of television when you see it for the first time; the fact that it ends with a promotional message for teenage rutting-gas shouldn't detract from some masterly (not to mention highly topical) short-form film-making.

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Joefish
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Facepalm

Re: Is nothing immune to dickwads from marketing and their obsession with pink?

Looks like mauve and cyan to me.

And I'll give you these ones for free...

http://brickset.com/sets/3933-1

http://brickset.com/sets/41002-1

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Amazon wants me to WEAR NAPPIES?! But I'm a 40-something MAN

Joefish
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I always wondered why, on the Sci-Fi channel of all things,

Every second advert was for make-up products..?

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Web inventor Berners-Lee: I so did NOT see this cat vid thing coming

Joefish
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Facepalm

And it's funny because

At 9 syllables, it takes three times longer to say the abbreviation than what it stands for.

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SACRILEGE! Hitchhiker's Guide game's back ... and it TWEETS at you

Joefish
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Re: Oh the joys of the text adventure...

Candy Crush? If that's all you can suggest as an alternative then you live a sad, sad life...

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Joefish
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Oh the joys of the text adventure...

YOU TOUCHED THE KEYBOARD. ALL DOORS SLAM SHUT AND WILL ONLY OPEN ON SOME RIDICULOUSLY CONTRIVED WORD PAIRING YOU CAN ONLY GUESS AT.

YOU TOUCHED THE KEYBOARD AGAIN. SOMETHING DROPS FROM ABOVE AND STINGS. YOU ARE DEAD.

YOU HAVE COMPLETED 1% OF THIS ADVENTURE

PLAY AGAIN? Y/N

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Projector on a smartphone? There's a chip for that

Joefish
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Re: vector graphics

Having played Pong on the side of a pub thanks to a friend's disco laser (@VideoGameCarny), this tech seems useful as-is. Though if it could do a full game of Star Wars by laser interferometry, that'd be a nice treat.

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Top UK e-commerce sites fail to protect 'password' password-havers from selves

Joefish
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Perhaps if they just let you buy something and leave like most honest establishments

Without forcing you to sign up for an account and then be tricked into accepting a bombardment of marketing emails every hour then we'd all be a lot happier.

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Why can’t I walk past Maplin without buying stuff I don’t need?

Joefish
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Happy

My wallet is glad I don't live in a town

With a LEGO brand store in the town centre.

Even so with the Maplin I have a small stash of logic chips and matrix board that will constitute a miracle if they ever get built into what they were meant for - and that's a home-made Kempston joystick interface!

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Vertical take-off and laughing: Space Harrier

Joefish
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A home port of Planet Harriers would be nice.

About the closest you can get is Sin & Punishment 1 & 2.

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Joefish
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Re: Bah!

'3D World Runner' on the NES. Although it looked similar, it was quite a different game. Very much slower and quite tedious. You ran along the ground and could jump gaps and shoot ground-level enemies. You only got to free-fly in boss fights, which used sprites to render some sub-par titchy versions of the Space Harrier dragons. The 3D was red/cyan rather than the full-colour (but flickery) shutter glasses of the Master System.

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Joefish
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Hydraulics my baulics ;-)

These cabinets used electric motor driven screw jacks to move, not hydraulics. Hydraulic fluid is too nasty a thing to leave to amateurs to maintain. Here's a look at the guts of one of these awesome beasties:

http://forums.arcade-museum.com/showthread.php?t=287962

And go find the comments on the Reg review of OutRun, as the chequered floor effect is done using the same renderer as the roads in OutRun and HangOn.

P.S. Greatest arcade game ever. Yes, we can look back at the 8-bit conversions and laugh at the compromises each version made (Keith Burkhill is a God!) but it just shows up how mind-blowing it was as an arcade machine compared to home computer technology of the time. Standout conversion for me has to be GBA running on a GameBoy Micro - the ultimate in portable entertainment. Imagine having your mind blown by Space Harrier arcade, then someone showing you it running on something the size of a cheap gamepad!

But yes, 3DS Space Harrier 3D - so long as you've got a DS XL - looks fantastic and plays brilliantly.

P.P.S. - What, no-one went to Mablethorpe?

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Loki, LC3 and Pandora: The great Sinclair might-have-beens

Joefish
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It's to my eternal dismay

That the 128K Speccy never got a new graphics mode. Two bits per pixel with associated extra colour attributes would have been a real treat, but just pairing a unique byte of colour data with each byte of pixel data (to give 8x1 attributes) as the Timex clone and the MSX did, would have been a huge improvement for the cost of a few extra gates in the ULA (and here I plug my game Buzzsaw+, which achieves this through a software hack. as example of what could be done).

Unfortunately, the 128K design was entirely dictated by Investronica in Spain, who weren't aware of the Timex clones in the US and no-one volunteered any such thing; instead the designers were instructed to provide the bare minimum to meet the requirements, so they could get back to all these other projects, that of course went on to fail.

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A Year of Code timeline: History of a HYPEGASM

Joefish
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Flame

Re: Sounds like a great conspiracy theory, but...

Yes, along with education wonder-guru Gove attaching himself to the RasPi and grass-roots calls for better IT education coming from the very 'snobs' that Mr Cellan-Jones thinks makes up the coding world based on his broad survey of a handful of fucking YouTube comments. But then that's all computers are, aren't they Rory? Magic tellies that can replay your flapping face over and over again because no-one will let you have a proper programme.

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Sony's PlayStation 4 pwns Xbox in the United States

Joefish
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Re: They're both disappointing.

Depends if the Steambox can present anything close to their performance for under a grand, and continue to support it with content that won't immediately make you feel inadequate for not getting the two grand box.

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You’re NOT fired: The story of Amstrad’s amazing CPC 464

Joefish
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Re: R-Type may be like that... But, it's not.

Yes, I'm afraid it is. Look at the giant worms at the end of Level 2 and throughout Level 5, or how the explosions are clipped around the giant ship of Level 3. It's all done with the same character-blocks of the Speccy version, and there are only 32 of them across the width of the playing area, not 40.

The only addition is the fake 'parallax scrolling' effect achieved by a scattering of extra sprites that move slightly slower than the scenery. In fact, since it's all now done with fat pixels, the scrolling is half as smooth as it was originally.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHH1V-zOlZk

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Joefish
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Re: Never got the argument about being too expensive.

That's because, as you said, you bought a 6128 with a disk drive and wanted a colour monitor to go with it, so you probably got your money's worth. If you go back to the beginning, when the 464 was released (which didn't have CP/M) and you didn't want a monitor (and they didn't exactly promote the fact you didn't have to) then the 464 came across as very expensive. And don't try to tell me that the 464 was aimed at the serious business user.

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Joefish
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Found the CPC a bit of a mixed bag

They really did want to sell that monitor, which left me unaware you could get one with a colour TV modulator, and overall it was just too expensive.

Amstrad wanted to get into the home computer business when it was clearly driven by kids playing games, but nothing of the design made any concessions to game development. Sure it had a great colour screen, but at the expense of needing to shift an enormous amount of data to update it. The C64, with its character-based screen, and the Spectrum, with its mono screen and colour overlay, weren't just being efficient with screen RAM - they turned out to be efficient to update at speed.

Back-porting the GX4000 technology, adding colour sprites and limited hardware scrolling, was too little, too late. Someone should have realised that the system could have been better designed for games from the off.

Having said that, I personally think that the best-looking games on the Amstrad are the ones that used the medium-res 4-colour mode with a careful selection of palette.

And you'll never convince me that the 3" drive choice was anything other than protectionism - to keep hold of a chunk of the floppy disc market (though compare and contrast console makers licensing their own cartridges...). That was certainly behind the ludicrously petty way the joystick ports on the Amstrad-designed Spectrums was re-wired.

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Joefish
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Re: R-Type

Although if you look closely at that version of R-Type, you'll see it's still running in a smaller Speccy-sized screen window as it's still running Bob Pape's Speccy code. What they've done is re-write the graphics routines to draw 16-colour lo-res characters directly to the screen, rather than writing to a fake Spectrum screen buffer, then translating that to med-res (which is what slowed it all down originally). And then gone through and redefined all the 8x8 two-colour characters that make up the sprites and scenery into 4x8 16-colour lo-res characters.

If you look very closely you'll see it still has the whole-character-block occlusion when sprites are overlaid, that was used on the Speccy to avoid attribute clash. And sprites get occluded by the scenery in jumping character-sized chunks before they get anywhere near it.

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IT'S ALIVE! China's Jade Rabbit rover RETURNS from the DEAD

Joefish
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Shoulda taken that left turn

at Albuquerque.

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iFrame attack injects code via PNGs

Joefish
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Paris Hilton

Re: So the user doesn't notice anything happening

But surely being able to execute a string as if it were script is a vulnerability as old as the language? Such a string could be pieced together from any seemingly random source, such as just picking out every tenth character from an obfuscated bit of text. Why is this something new?

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NASA quandary: Should Curiosity channel Fast and Furious for Martian dune-buggy jump?

Joefish
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Boffin

Re: A daft question...

Re the 'wet looking sand' - firstly I'm not sure about the particulate size, but I think it's an illusion mainly because it's difficult to grasp the scale of these images. Bear in mind the wheels in that picture are half a metre across. That's why the tracks it leaves have such clear definition - because they're so damn big!

From Wikipedia: "Dimensions:... The rover is 2.9 m (9.5 ft) long by 2.7 m (8.9 ft) wide by 2.2 m (7.2 ft) in height //...// Mobility systems: Curiosity is equipped with six 50 cm (20 in) diameter wheels in a rocker-bogie suspension."

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ZX Spectrum game devs allege Elite Systems Ltd didn't pay their royalties

Joefish
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Facepalm

I don't think the poor old WoS site is used to having this many 'guests' all visiting at once.

I mean, all the twiglets have gone and we're down to our last bag of funsize Rolos...

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El Reg BuzzFelch: 10 Electrical Connectors You CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT!

Joefish
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Thumb Up

Re: Soldering iron

Exactly - who needs a drill when you've got one of these?

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