* Posts by Joefish

768 posts • joined 17 Jun 2009

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Boffins' gravitational wave detection hat trick blows open astronomy

Joefish
Joke

Re: Hollywood got there first

They should cash in - rename it 'The LIGO Movie'.

(Although do Americans insist on calling it 'Ligos')?

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Hold the miniature presses: Playmobil movie is go

Joefish
Meh

Re: But I ask....

And I ask, have you actually seen The LEGO Movie? There are dozens of 'famous' figures with throwaway joke cameo roles, but apart from using Batman for part of the movie, all the main characters were original creations. Even then, the joke is that LEGO Batman is nothing like the character from the comics or movies.

Somehow, I doubt a Playmobil movie is going to pull in writing talent like Phil Lord / Chirs Miller as the LEGO one did...

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Joefish
Happy

Re: Lego movie and lego batman, star wars etc

I was amused though to see in the press the next day more photos of celebs showing off the LEGO oscars handed around during the musical break than actual Oscars. Pwned it.

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Scottish MP calls for drone-busting eagles

Joefish
Linux

It's a good job that a mostly wild fusking huge razor-clawed raptor flying about

doesn't "present a danger to those on the ground, such as at a large public gathering", otherwise his plan might look just a bit stupid.

These are not dogs, in-bred to the point of moronic dependence on their human masters; they are wild predators with all the instincts and disregard for law and order thereof. They're only 'trained' by manipulating those instincts, trusting that they'll prefer the easier life of taking food from their handler over all the effort involved in honing their hunting instincts. One whiff of convenient chihauhua whilst on 'drone duty' and they'll be off with it and may well never come back. Not exactly the best return on police spending.

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Did you know ... Stephen Fry has founded a tech startup?

Joefish
Holmes

Re: Ah, sometimes the man

> Who? Fry or Orlowski?

Metaphorically one, sarcastically the other - possibly, whilst not altogether improbably.

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Joefish
Angel

Ah, sometimes the man

is like a stampeding herd of eloquence.

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Did water rocket threaten Brum airport Airbus?

Joefish
Paris Hilton

Re: Just remembered

Obviously, quaffing large amounts in preparation for the photographers...

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Joefish
Paris Hilton

Re: Hitting the "k"

Sorry, I just have to interrupt you there and draw attention to the fact that

Kilometer

Altitude

Not

Yet

Exceeded.

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Joefish
Coat

Re: Just remembered

Coincidentally, I have an anecdote regarding several amateur photographers and the tiger enclosure at Colchester zoo that ends in a similar fashion.

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'Printer Ready'. Er… you actually want to print? What, right now?

Joefish
Megaphone

Printer - Ready.

Contender - Ready.

Contender, you will go on my first whistle...

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You've seen things people wouldn't believe – so tell us your programming horrors

Joefish
Childcatcher

Re: Going global

You just reminded me of a supply teacher once who threw a kid out of the class because she thought he was taking the p*ss - simply because she couldn't believe that was actually his surname.

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US rapper slams Earth is Round conspiracy in Twitter marathon

Joefish
Joke

Re: I can see a turtle's arse from my bedroom window.

Ah, the fabled arch-colon.

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Joefish
Coat

Re: At time of writing, BoB was citing Genesis

I thought Phil Collins might support a flat Earth - just as long as we can live on Both Sides.

But then does that count as Two Worlds? Maybe if they've got The Same Moon and The Silent Sun...

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Why does herbal cough syrup work so well? It may be full of morphine

Joefish
Paris Hilton

Probably better for you than modern cough mixture

Which according to the animations on the TV ads somehow goes down your trachea when swallowed and fills your lungs...

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Wanted: 1,400 sales jockeys to flog Oracle Cloud

Joefish
Alert

Re: "IT jobs"

George Osborne needs to find his hard-hat first.

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Joefish
Childcatcher

Oracle - Cloud - Sales

Three words to strike fear into the heart of any sane being with a computer.

Please tell me it's a ruse, to round them all up in one place, and there's already a nuke in orbit...

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No escape: Microsoft injects 'Get Windows 10' nagware into biz PCs

Joefish
Joke

Re: @ Bubba Von Braun - I am not a fucking product.

'Ugly Duckling' surely? No wait, that's Anas horribilis...

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BBC risks wrath of android rights activists with Robot Wars reboot

Joefish
Terminator

'Robot Combat League'

If you haven't seen it, I suggest a look at SyFy channel's 'Robot Combat League'. It's clearly quite heavily 'stage-managed' but it looks spectacular - like a real-life go at the fights of Real Steel.

The robots are huge upright, hydraulically-actuated walking frames (though cheekily stabilised - possibly even moved around - by a massive strut from behind). One operator moves the robot, the other wears a pair of 'Waldo'* arms that replicate movements onto the robot and they just punch each other to pieces.

*Check your Heinlein

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Hello Barbie controversy re-ignited with insecurity claims

Joefish
Trollface

But what do the rag press think?

Seriously, have the Daily Heil not done a paedogeddon article on this yet?

Obviously padded out with some 'stripped down' close-ups...

Am disappoint.

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So why exactly are IT investors so utterly clueless?

Joefish
Coat

R-Swype?

Wasn't that a popular shoot-em-up from irem corp.?

(That and Kung-Poo Master).

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Cartoon brings proper tech-talk to telly

Joefish
WTF?

Re: Sadly I can't get it on my 'package' at the moment

Adventure Time freaks me the **** out; that exposed heart thing using chopped-up body parts for extra muscled arms and legs was a seriously bad trip!

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Joefish
Happy

Sadly I can't get it on my 'package' at the moment

But 'The Amazing World of Gumball' is absolutely top telly. With a mix of animation styles (2D, 3D CGI, photo exteriors, 8-bit lo-res) and a surreal mélange of characters (classmates include a ghost, a cloud, a peanut and a huge T-Rex - many of them coming from a variety of previously rejected concepts by the designer), it also has the great relationship subtleties of Aardman work like Timmy Time (note the kids' visual designs emphasising and juxtaposing character traits drawn from their parents, and though the show is always from the kids' points of view, it still features the adults having high and low points in their lives). But best of all, it's a really funny show.

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IOCCO: Police 'reckless' for using terrorism powers on journo sources

Joefish
Joke

Re: So the charge is?

Being two days from retirement in a built-up area?

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Joefish
Joke

@Zippy's Sausage Factory

And I thought it was Nixon fans.

Maybe if you changed your name to 'Zippy's _Square_ Sauasage Factory'...?

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Joefish
Facepalm

So when the police break the law, it's called 'being reckless'.

If only Nixon's people had thought of that one, back in the day...

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Hilton confirms hotel credit-card-snaffling sales till malware hit

Joefish

Re: unfortunately...

I was flown to the US with everything pre-paid, and the hotel (though I don't recall which chain) refused to give me my key until I handed over a credit card - which they then used to try and bill me for what appeared to be a complimentary bottle of mineral water left in the room - which no-one had touched, even after assuring me when I checked out that there were no charges made. I figured this was typical business practice in such places.

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George Osborne fires starting gun on £20m coding comp wheeze

Joefish
Trollface

Perhaps if they taught decent programming principles in the first place

Instead of going for quick-win web-wankery, they might just breed some decent programmers who'd program robustly and defensively where appropriate from the start.

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Irish electricity company threatens to cut off graveyard

Joefish
Devil

But - Who opened the letter?

WooOOooOOoo!

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Joefish
Coat

Re: Graveyard receives leccy bill

ΩMG! What's shocking about trying to charge the current occupant?

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Joefish
Angel

"Now that electricity bill money...

Was just resting in my account!"

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Doctor Who: Even the TARDIS key can't unpick the chronolock in Face the Raven

Joefish
Paris Hilton

Re: "without a convenient McGuffin to bail them out"

Going to call balls on that, as there were McGuffins all over the place - with cheese and a side of fries - just as many to save her as kill her off.

Why would Ashildr be able to take the curse off Rigsy, but not Clara? She promised a death, so does that mean she was ready to die from it herself if she took it back? It didn't seem like it, so that's one fix that doesn't make sense.

Secondly, whilst they're all standing around saying there's nothing they can do (which the Doctor has already done once that episode and changed his mind) there's a blωdy STASIS POD right behind them that no-one even tries to mention (even if the Doctor is ready to pull out another McGuffin to explain why it won't work).

Then there's the 'Don't Run' thing we heard earlier, which (apparently, pre-'To be continued') makes no apparent difference, but presumably Part II will show the King of the Rocket-Men swooping down from the sky and pushing Clara out of the way of the raven at the last minute and saying 'thank goodness she was standing still'...

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Astronomers catch first sighting of a planet's birth pangs

Joefish
Joke

Re: out by quite a lot

Re: Edit that now says:

"The protoplanet has been called "LkCa 15 b" and is located 450 light years away from Earth, meaning that by now it will probably be well formed".

I'd give it a few more minutes, if I were you.

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ISIS operates a crypto help desk – report

Joefish
Coat

Re: They tried a help desk for the other stuff, but...

Never gonna get that bonus...

"Sir, please tell me would you consider the service you received today from this helpdesk to be (a) Very helpful, (b) Quite helpful, (c) Neither helpful nor unhelpful, (d) Slightly unhelpful or (e) Very unhelpful. Please sir, your answer will help us improve our customer service. Sir. Sir?"

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Boffins: We know what KILLED the DINOS – and it wasn't just an asteroid

Joefish
Joke

But.. But.. George Osbourne promised

that hard-working dinosaurs would be better off after the impact...

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Space fans eye launch of Lego Saturn V

Joefish
Childcatcher

Re: Specialised Lego?

Moan, moan, kids today have it easy...

You are James May AICMFP!

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Man hires 'court hacker' on Craigslist ... who turned out to be a cop

Joefish
Paris Hilton

Re: Model Penal Code

That makes sense from a law-writing standpoint, but then surely the charge sheet should read 'accessory to...' - at least from any sort of standpoint involving common sense or accurate recording / reporting?

Then again, if the copper didn't actually do the hacking then there is no '...fact' for him to have been 'accessory before the...'. He's been arrested and charged with what might have happened. So his actual crime is some sort of solicitation to commit an illegal act, and that particular wording of 'accessory before the fact' can't be applied, surely?

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Star Trek to go boldly back onto telly, then beam down in streams

Joefish
Devil

Re: Reboots?

Ah, but was Battlestar Galactica a reboot?

WooOOooOOoo!

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Joefish
Holmes

Re: It will be called>>>>>>>

Picard's Enterprise brought the original crew (including a reluctant Sisko) to DS9 in the first episode, and left Chief O'Brien behind. Worf was assigned in a later series, once TNG finished. These two overlapped by several series.

Similarly, Voyager docked at DS9 in its first episode where Tom Paris and Harry Kim met over one of Quark's scams (Quark, Morn, Gul Evek and Q being the only characters to appear in all 3).

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Halo 5: Overhyped, but still way above your average shooter

Joefish
FAIL

A 9 Gig patch for a brand new game?

Seriously?

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UK ministers, not judges, to sign off on Brit spies' surveillance

Joefish

Re: What with all the judges resigning over compulsory court fees,

I stand corrected, your honour.

Which ones are the notorious alcoholics, again? ;-)

Oh no, wait, that's Lords.

Sorry.

M'lord.

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Joefish
Holmes

What with all the judges resigning over compulsory court fees,

Where would you find one anyway?

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Cops use terror powers to lift BBC man's laptop after ISIS interview

Joefish
Joke

This clearly requires a Juvenile quote...

"Quis custodiet ipsos porcōs?"

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Joefish
Boffin

Re: Give me liberty or...

"Give me liberty or give me death*!"

*subject to the understanding that it is not necessarily my own termination that may be called upon to fulfill all necessary requirements.

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After Burner: Sega’s jet-fighting, puke-inducing arcade marvel

Joefish
Boffin

Err - "Vertical Axis"?

Variations in pitch (tipping backwards and forwards, like wot the deluxe cabinet did) is rotating about the lateral axis. The seat inside could then roll, rotating about its longitudinal axis. I vaguely remember seeing a sit-down one that just used the inner part of the deluxe cabinet, such that it could just roll a little. Then there was a fixed sit-down version and an upright cabinet. The roll-only design was resurrected for After Burner Climax.

The only one I remember that could yaw as well (yer actual rotation about the 'vertical axis') was the very top-end Galaxy Force II 'Super Deluxe' cabinet, which could rotate and pitch. I don't think it could roll. The 'Deluxe' version was a seat that pitched and rolled like Space Harrier.

Anyway, I found AfterBurner pretty unplayable. The on-rails direction of the game seemed to make most of your control inputs irrelevant. It was trying to look like a simulator, but the gameplay was so far removed from simulation it seemed pointless.

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Reg reader post-pub chef brews superscharf currywurst

Joefish
Thumb Up

Although my own much quicker variant

Is simply to stir a few teaspoons of that lurid crimson supermarket tikka powder into a small dish of ketchup, with a dash of olive oil to aid the diffusion. And Bockwurst in a jar from Lidl, straight under the grill. Though I will certainly give one of these a go when I have time as they sound a lot more authentic.

Still not covered the pork gyros pitta yet though? I recently discovered some rectangular puffy pittas in UK supermarkets that are ideal.

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Doctor Who returns to our screens next week – so, WHO is the worst Time Lord of them all?

Joefish
Alien

Surprised by the votes against Sylvester McCoy

Coming after the downright spiteful character portrayed by Colin Baker, I though he was much better. He brought a depth to the character, playing the frivolous comic with a dark undercurrent.

And I can happily watch all the old series, except for Patrick Troughton. Obviously he had a tough job at the time, being judged against someone who'd become synonomous with the role, but now looking back and comparing him with what's come since, I don't think he was that great.

But far, far worse than any of them was Paul McGann in that awful movie. Peter Cushing, though his movies messed with the origin, I thought was pretty good.

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Hats off to Nintendo’s platform supremo Super Mario Bros at 30

Joefish
Meh

Re: Mythical but not for all

I'm afraid the only 2D one that hooked me was Wario Land on the GameBoy, which was more of an adventure with weaponsised hats and a game save.

Wasn't until 3D with Mario 64 and then the amazing Mario Galaxy that I really got playing.

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Heigh ho, oh no! Politically correct panto dumps Snow White’s dwarfs

Joefish
Joke

While we're at it,

What's wrong with going with a classic like 'six out of seven dwarfs not Happy', eh?

As for '...Harry Potter and Star Wars actor...' you missed out '...and recent Gervais sychophant...'.

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