* Posts by Mark York 3

152 posts • joined 16 Jun 2009

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Get whimsical and win a Western Digital Black 6TB hard drive

Mark York 3
Thumb Up

but in deference to a million years of evolution, he will not attempt to pick fleas off him

"OOK OOK OOOK OOOOOK!"

Google translates as "Hmm still no Facebook requests or messages"......sigh... "Why can't my descendants just accept & be proud of me or just for once invite me ‘round to dinner".

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Reg reader casts call centre spell with a SECRET WORD

Mark York 3

Re: Dog eating dog

My colleague who sits adjacent to me now does all the plant equipment IT & I do the standard stuff here & at other sites. Had a recent phone chat with our "Highly Paid" contract representative about the fact it took upwards of 90 minutes, + photos & event & supplies logs, coupled with answering the most pointless of "troubleshooting" questions before we even got a tech on site, who would then have to order up all the parts requested at the outset as the fault fad already been diagnosed.

He was stunned to listen in to a conference call to demonstrate the 40 - 60 seconds it took to log a typical call with we "CAN bOok you in Now" call desk.

I have now a set piece of speil to at least cut it down to 45 mins from our contract wording....

We have the right of first refusal, the equipment is in a production area which cannot be taken out of service unless pre-booked in advance, there is a expectation of the troubleshooting procedures to be taken in advance & I have the event, supplies & configuration logs along with any photo's ready to be emailed up to the tech support representative.

Even so the tech still turned up with only half the parts on Friday, returning on Monday & even phoned in a second repair for the other printer ticket I had while on-site.

My colleague has another less subtle approach once he is sufficiently riled & that doesn't take long.

"Do you know what we do here, the normal printer guy you send out is of the same ethnic grouping as you (from your accent), send him with the parts I want fitted so the printer is up & running after his first visit & he gets out asap, unless you & he want the pleasure (& presumably later experiencing the wrath) of multiple visits walking through a floor with various body bits of your gods as they are being slaughtered & turned into something tasty."

There's usually a pause & a quick call to action.....

The icon is chosen purely for it's tag on selection....

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Evil computers sense you’re in a hurry and mess with your head

Mark York 3
Terminator

Re: Eddie Izzard

They charge you at least $100 to plug in the OBDC reader here, even with the fault code & going to another cheaper garage with the first quote a friend got charged again "Just to check the issue Sir".

I wish I could charge a $100 just to pick up a basic piece of diagnostic equipment, turned me scope on apply probe to circuit board "That will be $100+tax.....Oh the fault.....I don't know I'll have to look into it!"

I ended up buying a OBDC reader that was on a special deal, transient engine warning messages fly up all the time, even due to the amount of fuel in the tank & the general temperature (these can clear themselves or after removing the filler cap for a few minutes or filling up, remembering to turn the ratcheting cap fully 3 times, then watch it disappear 2 miles down the road) causing a headless chicken panic struck reaction from the wife to drive into the nearest dealership to ripped off even when she knows I have the reader & home is 3 minutes away..

These days I can read them, clear the error & see if it comes back immediately.

Last night the truck decided to warn me in red letters that the battery charging system needs attention, I think this happened once before with the wife driving into a valley of cooler air (she was designated driver) & I'm hoping the same is true today that it was some kind of temperature related\belt slipping issue (& I have been meaning to change the belt for 2 years now).

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Traumatised Reg SPB team barely survives movie unwatchablathon

Mark York 3
Pint

Re: Friday night movies

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Worst_of_Hollywood

I still have fond memories of laughing my head off with my father at the subtitles to "Wild Women Of Wongo" post pub obviously.

"I was attacked but the women of Wongo, rose up to allow me to escape"

"You have been shamed my son!"

"Yes Father, but at least I'm alive"

[Son walks off - Father looks bemused\lost\waiting for CUT! - Subtitle comes up with Fathers thought : You can't argue with that!].

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BOFH: Explain? All we need is this kay-sh with DDR3 Cortexiphan ...

Mark York 3
Pint

Re: Kay-shing, eh?

Having been to Fargo for a week & seen the Woodchipper in the visitor center, I'm frankly surprised that more of it's residents don't dive into one head first on a daily basis.

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Google plans ROBOTS to SLICE YOU OPEN AND CUT YOU UP

Mark York 3
Terminator

Well we all saw how well a device of this nature worked on Naomi Rapface in Prometheus.

& I can't help but think of this from Doctor Who - The Robots of Death

"There was a Voc therapist in Kaldor City. Specially programmed, equipped with vibro-digits, subcutaneous stimulators, the lot. You know what happened, Borg? Its first client wanted treatment for a stiff elbow. The Voc therapist felt carefully all round the joint, and then suddenly just twisted his arm off at the shoulder. Shoompf. All over in two seconds."

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Snakes on a backplane: Server-room cabling horrors

Mark York 3
Alert

Pictures from Rural Alberta on their way.

I didn't include the ones from the Doctors surgery that had a twice daily seepage under the wall from a filling station of "grey" water, nor the raw sewage in the back room, which I wasn't privy (sorry) to at the time due to dealing with the installs at the front.

I now work supporting users in a slaughterhouse which ironically has:

A: A much better standard of cable management.

B: A much better work enviroment atmosphere than some places I won't mention.

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Boffins brew up FIRST CUPPA in SPAAACE using wireless energy (well, sort of)

Mark York 3
Linux

Re: Will nobody think of the pigeons (and microlight pilots)?

"which almost vaporises pigeons before they fall out of the beam"

You make it sound like a bad thing!

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'80s hacker turned journo, IT crime ace Steve Gold logs off

Mark York 3
Black Helicopters

That Takes Me Back

I recall meeting him at least once or twice, at trade shows while working for Modem House based in Exeter back in the 80's. I think he wrote the software (tape loaded) to allow the Prism 1000\2000\VTX5000 to access text based services rather than the originally supplied Viewdata package.

I'd completely forgotten about the Hackers Handbook David, though I still recall how you thought that someone made a member of his staff sleep with him until a wedding ring was pointed out & walking through Soho with you

Fun times going up to London about once a month (once hanging out of a taxi chatting up four oriental ladies in a open topped "Merc" around Hyde Park Corner at late night until the vehicles went different ways).

A great couple of years doing those events, until 1989 when the world changed for those of us that had worked there.

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Ghosts of Christmas Past: The long-ago geek gifts that made us what we are

Mark York 3
Boffin

Nostalgia

This brings back memories of:

My stationary Mamod Engine going permanently a bit wrong (sorry Dad), when I tried to liven it up by adding some form of Meccano big wheel, the use of spacers, to stop nuts catching on the body failed to occur to me at the time & resulted in a piston blow out.

One David T******r proudly demonstrated to me with a random chemical mix brewed up in a test tube, over the "tea light" flame, his experiment may have changed the future of chemistry as we knew it, but as he had decided to cork it with the rubber bung during the heating process it redecorated his parents living room ceiling instead. His mother nearly killed him & his pharmaceutical ambitions at the same time which is probably why he ended up working in Debenham's from the day he left school.

Had the woodworking set didn’t engage with that (Sorry again Dad), one aged relative thought I destroyed a neighbour’s wooden gate with it at the age of 4, in truth it wasn’t until the advent of power tools & Dalek building that I finally managed to cut a straight line with a saw & get some woodworking abilities under my belt.

I'd have loved the Science Fair Electronics Kit especially as a precursor to the ZX80, as it was it took me a few years until I got a proper introduction to electronics & computers by jumping on a Manpower Services Commission course in Electronics & Computers for 13 weeks, after that the only was up with City & Guilds courses & a BTEC HNC.

This year’s big toy failure, was daughter forgetting her pass code for her new I-Pad after lunch.

Result - The youngest worked out how to drive his robot from his Android tablet instead of his phone so there's hope yet for the technical\engineering gene in my progeny.

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BOFH: A miracle on PFY Street

Mark York 3
Pint

What a unexpected gift.

So Many Simple One Liners, Conjured Up A Wealth Of Happy (For Me) Images

What a unexpected gift - Thank You Santa

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I'll be back (and forward): Hollywood's time travel tribulations

Mark York 3
Mushroom

"conveniently forgotten about an hour into the narrative."

Films of this nature have caused more & bloodier family arguments with me decrying what everyone else thinks was a good little TVM.

The other trope I hate with Hollywood is the time traveling backwards & replacing the younger version of yourself with the older self Quantum Leap being a prime example instead of having two of you running about with you trying to avoid meeting yourself because of the embarrassment that usually causes.

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Mark York 3

Re: I'm surprised!

For a comedy I couldn't find a fault with it's internal logic (except maybe the closing final scene).

Throughly enjoyed it.

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Mark York 3

Re: Zathras Knows

"Zathras is used to being beast of burden to other people's needs. Very sad life. Probably have very sad death. But, at least there is symmetry."

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Androids in celluloid – which machine deserves the ULTIMATE MOVIE ROBOT title?

Mark York 3

Re: Exterminate

Daleks are the muted creatures evolved from Kaleds & living in a armoured life support travel machine.

Cyborgs at best like the Cybermen.

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Kip Thorne explains how he created the black hole for Interstellar

Mark York 3
Alien

Just Down The Road.

Literally just down the bottom of the hill from me is the baseball stadium in Alberta, some street scenes & with more being shot in Fort McLeod & generally around Alberta.

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Doctor Who becomes an illogical, unscientific, silly soap opera in Kill The Moon

Mark York 3

Lost It's Hearts.

A few people have summed it up for me in this thread insofar I'm not sure if its "Capaldi, the scripts or direction" or any combination thereof.

I no longer insist on watching it live Saturday morning via the VPN, or Saturday night.

I download Saturday night & watch it either half cut on return from the bar or on Sunday night (37.5% cut) & I count myself as a fairly typical fan, with detailed knowledge of the show through the years I'm not as obsessed with it as some might think (though the wife might think & state different & admittedly I have a full size Genesis Dalek almost completely built in the garage).

I had high hopes for this season & Capaldi, but even now I think back to his sudden emergence in the average The Time Of The Doctor & sensed things were "off".

I think the series at present has lost it's heart's.

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Samsung Gear S: Quick, LAUNCH IT – before Apple straps on iWatch

Mark York 3
Coat

Find My Device

It's on your wrist.

I'm not getting my coat, I'm looking for my watch............

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Reg man looks through a Glass, darkly: Google's toy ploy or killer tech specs?

Mark York 3

Re: Let's see...

Joe was adopted.

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Thirteen Astonishing True Facts You Never Knew About SCREWS

Mark York 3
Headmaster

Metalwork Teacher

My old (most likely dead) metalwork teacher at high school famously described a screw as a wedge on a shaft during one class.

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When the robot rebellion comes, this Jibo droid will BORE you to death

Mark York 3
Terminator

``I don't think I can stand that robot much longer Zaphod,'' growled Trillian

Share and Enjoy

Share and Enjoy

Journey through life

With a plastic boy

Or Girl by your side

Let your pal be your guide

And when it breaks down

Or starts to annoy

Or grinds when it moves

And gives you no joy

Cos it's eaten your hat

Or had sex with your cat

Bled oil on your floor

Or ripped off your door

You get to the point

You can't stand any more

Bring it to us, we won't give a fig

We'll tell you, 'Go stick your head in a pig'.

http://img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130910042056/alienencyclopedia/images/2/28/MARVIN_the_PARANOID_ANDROID_by_DadaHyena.jpg

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Canuck reader threatens suicide over exact dimensions of SPAAAACE!

Mark York 3
Paris Hilton

Re: Babcock the Canuck

Given that it's now the summer, it should be a lacrosse stick.

NATIONAL SPORTS OF CANADA

Marginal note:Hockey and lacrosse to be national sports

2. The game commonly known as ice hockey is hereby recognized and declared to be the national winter sport of Canada and the game commonly known as lacrosse is hereby recognized and declared to be the national summer sport of Canada.

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Black hole three-way: Supermassive trio are 'rippling' space

Mark York 3
Alien

Re: Bah!

I was thinking for a tight trio MUSE, for Black Holes & Revelations with their own Super Massive Black Hole.

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The cute things they say

Mark York 3
Boffin

Re: the wise spouse

A certain County Council I worked at bought in stocks of machines that had ventilation holes punched into the top lid with Sony monitors usually placed over the those holes by the users.

The deskside (not the support staff who lived in a hut in the car park) staff did a whole bunch of weekend moves, pushing the units with the case fan vent up against the fabric lined cubicle walls.

Ditto many a field call's for overheating PC's at more than one school\council offices for the same reasons.

Some freak harmonic would create user calls for noisy fans that ceased the moment the case lids came off.

I did get some nice mileage recompense & day trips out across Somerset visiting these places.

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Texan parks quadcopter atop Dallas Cowboys stadium

Mark York 3
Black Helicopters

Sadly This Has Already Happened.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/kent/3277991.stm

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'CAPTAIN CYBORG': The wild-eyed prof behind 'machines have become human' claims

Mark York 3
Terminator

Only Slightly Worse

During a recitation by their poet-master, Grunthos the Flatulent, of his poem ‘Ode to a Small Lump Of Green Putty I Found In My Armpit One Midsummer Morning', four of his audience died of internal haemorrhaging, and the president of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survived by gnawing one of his own legs off. Grunthos was reported to have been “disappointed” by the poem's reception, and was about to embark on a reading of his twelve - book epic entitled ‘My Favourite Bath-time Gurgles', when his own major intestine, in a desperate attempt to save humanity, leapt straight up through his neck, and throttled his brain.

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Brit lands on Rockall with survival podule, starts record attempt

Mark York 3
Thumb Up

Re: Best luck to him

WISE OLD BIRD:

My dear old thing, you have such a sympathetic face.

ARTHUR:

Is that why you’ve done what you’ve done all over it? I’m sorry, but on my world I had a nice home and a good job with prospects and I get angry at the thought that my life suddenly consists of sitting in sewage filled models of my own ear, being patronised by a lot of demented birds!!!

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Is the answer to life, the universe and everything hidden in Adams' newly uncovered archive?

Mark York 3

Re: I recently had the misfortune to listen to Fit III - V

A friend had told me about HHG, but it wasn't until I wandered into Pitts Record dept & found the LP playing very very close to the start. Just wandered about the area listening & was torn between staying to the very very end or dashing home to watch Doctor Who (as it was I managed both just), thus starting me on the road as a fully fledged towel carrier.

The LP is my definitive version of the first four fits, given the better sound quality & tighter editing but I prefer the Haggunenons over the Disaster Area scenario for the final two fits when I finally managed to find a Radio 4 repeat.

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Mark York 3

Re: A great man

I thought it also contained chunks of City of Death as well.

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SCIENCE explains why you LOVE the smell of BACON

Mark York 3

The Brits Ex-Pat Guide To Home Comforts In Canada

Here in Cowtown Alberta in Canadaland, I can get Wilshire or Loues bacon that's cut (slightly thicker) almost the same way as UK bacon. Most places sell more of long streaky fat held together by pieces of bacon.

Finally found a UK style sausage in a chain of stores called Save On Foods.

Finding nothing that comes close to Anchor butter I experimented & make my own by cutting along the length, then putting half & half of Sobeys "European Butter" Salted (Way saltier than Anchor - I was able to compare with smuggled contraband) & unsalted (Very creamy taste) into a butter dish then allowing to soften before buttering my toast & Marmite.

Add OJ, a cuppa & baked beans\eggs as required & that's pretty much a full English breakfast sorted then.

Also available (without going into expat stores for things like Lucozade, Walkers Crisps & more obscure UK confectionary) off the top of my head in stores like WalMart, Sobeys Safeways & Canadian Superstores.

Tetley, Typhoo & Brook Bond tea.

McVities Chocolate Digestives, Ginger Nuts, Jacobs Cream Crackers & Hob Nobs (Penguins disappeared off the face of London Drugs & Canadian Superstores, but Tim Tams are almost the same but not individually wrapped).

Heinz Tomato Soup & Baked Beans along with a almost identical packaged Baked Beans British Style. Mushy Peas (Tinned).

HP Sauce UK Import & local version (Heinz ketchup is just the same to my palate).

Ready Brek, Devonshire Double Cream (Crustless clotted cream in baby food sized jars) & Marmite. Ribena.

Ambrosia Rice Pudding & Birds Custard. Heinz Sponge Puddings, Curley Wurleys, Rowntrees Fruit Pastilles & Gums (in cinema sized packets).

Frying chips with a Tefal Actifry & a teaspoon of Almond oil produces a soft mushy chip that goes nicely with a home battered piece of fish or sausage. I know a lot of Canadians that keep trying some of the food stuffs we talk about.

Throw in a VPN back to Blighty for TV & its all the comforts of home.

(Especially in winter when its -36 outside).

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Kent Police fined £100k for leaving interview vids of informants in old cop shop

Mark York 3
Joke

Missed Opportunity

Police Cough Up After Screw Up in Lock Up Cock Up!

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My work-from-home setup's better than the office. It's GLORIOUS

Mark York 3
Windows

Users Jumping The Refresh Queue

Same place

One guy decided to jump the queue, by requesting a machine from a decommissioned building be moved to his desk, transfer his apps & data so he could be more productive than the rest of his colleagues & was in full smug mode the day it was installed to desk, while his colleagues grumbled.

Six weeks later I installed 8 shiny new PC's (HP VL420's) to those colleagues .....

"Err where's my new machine?"

"Your old machine was decommissioned after the move request, the one you currently have is still in scope & not up for replacement."

"Errrr... Can't I have the replacement for the one that I had then?",

Sorry but no when the old one was decommissioned it's replacement unit was re-allocated to replace one of the machines that we didn't have have the budget to replace it with."

"When do I get a new one?"

Next year when your PC falls out of scope.

The level of smugness & happy smiles through the office increased except in one little corner.

Same refresh project..

Good Morning I have your new PC,

"Don't want it I'm getting a laptop."

Really?

"Yes the request is in, so I can make do with this in the interim."

Your declining the replacement unit.

"Yes!"

That's fine I'll reassign it.

Move forward to early September....

Good Morning I have your requested laptop.

"Great"

I start collecting\deploying..

"Errr whats that?"

That's your requested laptop.

"But I wanted a new one."

We only have reclaimed one's that are still in scope

"You had new ones purchased, I want one of those!"

I'm sorry they were purchased specifically to replace laptops that were out of scope, they have all been allocated & assigned. We don't have any unless your departmental manager can purchase one from his budget for you.

"You had a new machine for me the other week!"

Yes but that was a desktop replacement, you get like for like.

I don't recall what happened, he grumbled certainly about the machine (which as luck would have it was formally the Quality Control Directors machine on the third floor (Most IT dept feared her, but I always got on well with her), I think she had recently had a replacement for expediency, the laptop was in scope.

I think some weeks later he put in a request for a desktop & was rather miffed (again) to discover his older replacement was one of the ones was currently in scope as his new unit had been reassigned.

Fun times - I miss the old *** Site in Dartford, shame its been demolished.

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We test Intel's 730 480GB SSD Skulltrail scorcher

Mark York 3
FAIL

Expensive Downgrade

"not to mention a 960MB Crucial M500 for maybe another 15 quid"

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Computer expert and broadcaster Ian McNaught-Davis dies at 84

Mark York 3

Re: RIP Mac

I used to fix the VTX5000, along with the Prism 1000 (Telemod2) & Prism 2000 (they were a very easy fix), along with dare I say it the Voyager series of auto dialing modems down in dear old Devon.

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Vertical take-off and laughing: Space Harrier

Mark York 3
Mushroom

1986 Memories

Of going around Hyde Park Corner leaning out of a taxi...chatting to two asian ladies in a convertable....The car went one way, the taxi another & we went into a casino (or somewhere) where I first clapped eyes on it. Played it until we left......

2-3 months later PCW show in a exhibitors stall on the upper balcony right above the Sega stand, a whole suite of the machines, the incessant music, sound effects & out hero's screams for 6 IIRC whole days totally killed my desire.

Did play it the other month on MAME though.

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Through-wall tracking of humans using Wi-Fi: Now more accurate, low power

Mark York 3

Targets gamers, elderly, and the utterly slothful

& the first thing that came to my mind was Blipverts.

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Ghosts of Christmas Past: Ten tech treats from yesteryear

Mark York 3

Re: memories

Casio fx-451 - Probably the best 20 quid (IIRC) that I ever spent, it got me through C&G224 parts II & III & a HNC in Swindon.

Somewhere still in the house I hope, though I think I last saw it before we moved to Canada in 2009.

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Doctor Who Episode One: Through a glass. Darkly

Mark York 3
Alien

Not forgotten - He's a normal nutty old guy that just happens to be called Doctor Who

The Doctor is an alien who is simply called "the Doctor", while in the two films he is human and "Who" is his actual surname & doesn't count as a incarnation.

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Bucket? Check. Toilet plunger? Check. El Reg's 50 years of Doctor Who

Mark York 3
Alien

Re: Bucket

A metal mesh waste paper might be better used than a bucket, that way your vision is not impaired.

Several of these mesh type buckets, have gladly sacrificed themselves to be cut up & been incorporated into the neck of my replica Genesis Dalek (24 days left until project completion date).

www.projectdalek.com

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Doctor Who's 50th year special: North American theater tix on sale Friday

Mark York 3
Alien

Cineplex prices - Even with Costco vouchers with free popcorn & the like for a family of three (well three that's actually interested - The eldest two fell by the wayside like Susan in Narnia).

I'll stick with firing up the VPN thanks.

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TPG flashes cheeky 'down under' CAPTCHA

Mark York 3
Pint

My favorite CAPTCHA was when asked to verify on Facebook that I knew a lady it threw up the name of our local bar & a less than flattering term.......leading to Crawford Minger.

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DARPA: You didn't think we could make a Mach 6 spaceplane, so let us have this MACH TEN job

Mark York 3
Coffee/keyboard

Re: I still think a rail/supergun in the Andes is the best bet

Point 5 - Unlike the Fireball XL5 carriage that happily flies off into destruction @ 56seconds in & hopefully with less wobble too as it travels down the track.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pi6JruBYSYQ

Esc (Velocity) Key. :D

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Posh potty owners flushed by dodgy Bluetooth password

Mark York 3

ARTHUR:

What are you talking about?

VENTILATION SYSTEM:

You heard.

ARTHUR:

What? Who said that?

VENTILATION SYSTEM:

The Ventilation System. You had a go at me yesterday.

ARTHUR:

Yes, because you keep filling the air with cheap perfume.

VENTILATION SYSTEM:

You like scented air: it’s fresh and invigorating.

ARTHUR:

No I do not.

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OFFICIAL: Humans will only tolerate robots as helpful SLAVES

Mark York 3
Terminator

Re: I learned all I need to know about human attitudes to robots

Starlord had the larger market share, 2000AD was the cheaper to produce.....

Anyway Starlord had the short story about Sheldon who lived & was eventually trapped in a automated house.

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Chinese 'nauts return to Earth after vigorous space coupling

Mark York 3
Mushroom

Re: Re Cramped

If that's the decent module, I'd be wary of going up or down in it quite frankly, never mind the slightly dodgy one (See icon).

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El Reg rocket squad poised to select Ultimate Cuppa teabag

Mark York 3
Black Helicopters

Re: EBT FTW

For pure filth in a cup, try Red Rose.

Fortunately able to source Tetley\PG\Yorkshire in Canada without issues.

Helicopter because Montana is just down the road.....

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Apache devs: 'We'll ship no OpenOffice before its time'

Mark York 3
Joke

'We'll ship no OpenOffice before its time' - Heat n Serve

Thanks I now have this stuck in my head all day

"and we serve no pests ... before its time"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSODuQSBlZ4

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The Reg's best-looking reader reveals list of jobs for the beautiful

Mark York 3
Paris Hilton

Re: You don't know what it's like......

While doing a rollout of new computers to a call centre in Plymouth, I would only replace machines\scrabble under one desk cluster when a certain lady (I'll call her "Paris" for the sake of it) was issuing train timetable info to callers, as she had a habit of sitting with her heel tucked up under her crotch & bouncing\rubbing slightly on it as she talked.

Couple of other perks about that job was, they kept me on in error for weeks afterwards supporting\troubleshooting the build (mouse driver issue) & the limitless amounts of tea I was drinking supplied by the tea ladies.

Happy times!

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