Feeds

* Posts by Sir Sham Cad

250 posts • joined 15 Jun 2009

Page:

It's official: LOHAN's arboreal avoidance algorithm is PANTS

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Blimey!

My gasts are well and truly flabbered!

I was going to offer NumptyScrub some of my stickers if I won for the generous offer but Lester's played another blinder.

Thanks for all who voted and beers and cheers to the other brilliant entries!

1
0

TROUT and EELS in SINISTER PACT to RULE the oceans

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Re: ETA

*applause*

I was trying to go for an ETA/Wetter pun but couldn't find it so I'll leave with: eel-Qaeda

5
0

Payment security bods: Nice pay-by-bonk (hint: NO ONE uses it) on iPhone 6, Apple

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

@Steve Davies 3

That sounds like needing to have your finger over the home button on the phone for the biometric auth at the same time you bonk your Apple Watch against the reader. Which means you've already got your hand on the phone which surely means it's easier to just bonk the phone, unless I'm really picturing this wrong.

With my bank card all I need to do (apart from having some actual money in the account) is bonk it for transactions < 20 quid so I'd expect the same convenience from the watch. Maybe the watch can select the card and is pre-authenticated for a certain amount of time with a secureID session?

As much as it pains me to say it, if nowt else FruitCo have restarted the NFC conversation.

1
0

Roll up for El Reg's 3G/4G MONOPOLY DATA PUB CRAWL

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Pubs

Please also provide the names of the pubs used for testing in each location so that I know which establishment to frequent when I need to maximise my beer to noise ratio and get the best connection when I need to make an urgent drink ^W, phone call when about town.

Thanks.

0
0

Yes, but what are your plans if a DRAGON attacks?

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Plans for dragon attack

I'd love to read the answer to that one.

"All staff are required to complete at least 50 hours of mandatory Skyrim and are prepared to deal with incidents involving Dragons, Trolls and Giants. Your council - Working Hard for You!"

6
0

Naughty NSA was so drunk on data it forgot collection rules

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Re: why you think URL's are content?

http://www.supermarket.com/shopping.php?username=bloggsj1975&authenticated=1&aisle=fruit&product=oranges&quantity=3

Yes it's a shit way of writing things but it happens.

The content is obvious. User jbloggs1975 bought 3 oranges from supermaket.com

What it is not (simply address info): Anonymous person from IP address aaa.bbb.ccc.ddd went to www.supermarket.com and accessed their online shopping section.

10
0

Vulture 2 strapped to speeding van before delicate brain surgery

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

It's completely PANTS

Pixhawk Avoidance of Nearby Tree System

5
0

Nice computers don’t need to go to the toilet, says Barclays

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Re: purchasing certain items together.

Ah yes but a Self Service machine can't be impressed, nay, amazed at my awesome combination of ingredients and marvel at the culinary genius required to come up with the audacious idea of buying *both* sliced and unsliced Chorizo and the doubtless masterchef-winning quality of the dinner I'm about to cook up.

That said, nor has any human checkout staff apart from in my head right up until I get to the checkout and see the perma-glazed "Meh" expression on the poor soul's face.

0
0

UK data watchdog broke data law, says UK data watchdog

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

First offence

As it is a first offence then it is likely that the ICO will not issue a fine to the ICO but will see what measures the ICO put in place to ensure this never happens again and, assuming the ICO are happy with the new processes that the ICO are proposing to put in place, the ICO will consider the matter closed.

This would be treating the incident exactly the same as all the others, in fairness, which tells you all you need to know.

14
0

UK Parliament rubber-stamps EMERGENCY data grab 'n' keep bill

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

I wonder why Diane Abbot is saddened that the Labour front bench is complicit in steamrolling this one through when it was the old Labour front bench that steamrolled the RIPA through.

I'm all for a debate on the issue and revising the RIPA as long as the debate isn't the same as last time (La La we're not listening! We know best! Trusssst in meeeee, jusssst in meeee!) and the revision is tightening up the regs not loosening definitions and broadening the already ridiculous scope.

I'm fully expecting it to consist of "OK, look, we've had a debate about it and heard all sides speak. So now when we ignore everyone and do it the way we were going to do it anyway it's all legit, see!"

23
1

LOHAN seeks stirring motto for spaceplane mission patch

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

In bacon, victory

victoriam in lardum

Or, more philosophically, from Mr P. Floyd:

Gyrum caeli non possint ab oculis meis

0
0

What a whopper, LG: Feast your eyes on this 77-inch bendy TV

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Re: So you have to clamber around the back to plug anything in?

Not at all. If you look closely you'll see the bloody thing costs 20 grand so anyone buying one will have a manservant to do the clambering and nervously fiddling with the gigantic, cumbersome beast.

4
0

VMWorld content catalog hints at slow AirWatch integration

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Integration?

From what I've experienced, both in terms of who we've been dealing with during our AirWatch deployment and who I've spoken to at trade shows, the AirWatch side of things has been left to carry on unchanged apart from adding a "VMWare" logo to the company headed paper.

It does still feel like a completely seperate company.

0
0

Internet of Things fridges? Pfft. So how does my milk carton know when it's empty?

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Re: What is needed is some sort of robot....

stu 4, careful or you'll end up in the situation where Deeds Only Get Husband Opprobrium Until Spouse Elects (DOGHOUSE).

1
0

Women are too expensive to draw and code – Ubisoft

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Re: Super Maria

My younger (female) cousins had this:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Great_Giana_Sisters

And, yes, you could play as "Maria"

0
0

Samsung WRISTPHONE – for those who wanna whisper to strap-ons

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Re: Keypad on a watch?

I had a watch that doubled as a Pac-Man game (the one on the far right here: http://www.handheldmuseum.com/Nelsonic/PacMan.htm). I never had any problem using the buttons whilst it was on my wrist, much to the annoyance of my R.E. teacher.

0
0

Microsoft’s 'FIRST NOKIA' arrives at £89

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

VPN/Enterprise suitability

Looking into the extended capabilities of WinPho 8.1 it looks like the same VPN functionality that is in Windows RT with no support for 3rd party VPN apps (such as our Cisco AnyConnect) but in-built support for a standard l2tp/ipsec connection.

The Mobile Device Manglement support looks good, though, so at that price could maybe replace a BlackBerry based remote email system?

I'd love to see a review of it from an Enterprise perspective as well as how it is to live with as a consumer.

2
0

A first-world problem solved: Panoramic selfies, thanks to Huawei's Ascend P7

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Dual SIM

I had a conversation the other day with someone as to why Dual SIM phones don't exist. I explained that they did, just not in the UK where phones are generally subsidised by a Network who don't want you sticking a rival's SIM in that handset.

I'd love to have one but I don't see us getting that version of the P7 on the high street, unless you know something we don't, Mr O, in which case I'd love to read about it in a later article.

Looking forward to the review. And the inevitable panoramic selfie when some politician manages to squeeze in the entire delegation of the G7 into one gratuitous publicity stunt.

1
0

Laser deflector shields possible with today's tech – but there's one small problem

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Shields Up! The Physics of WHAT?

Star Wars mentioned "Deflector shields" and these appeared to be, essentially, invisible barriers that hugged the external contours of the ship. Every laser blast that was seen hitting the Falcon, Rebel fighters (of all designations) and Star Destroyers without doing damage (absorbed by the deflector shield) appeared to strike the surface of the ship. The only exception was the deflector shield surrounding the space around the second Death Star that was beamed from Endor and that was for a specific purpose of keeping the Rebel Fleet at super-laser range.

Star Trek has visible shield barriers surrounding the ships at a distance as described in this paper. We know that the power output of the matter/antimatter annihilation reaction in the Warp Core of a Starship is sufficient to warp space itself whilst also powering all the ship's weapons and other power needs. Also, the phrase "Shields Up, Red Alert!" is from Star Trek.

Yes, I am nitpicking the nerd culture references rather than addressing the science and I'm not ashamed!

2
1

SpaceX wins court injunction to block US Air Force buying Russian rockets

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Challenging launch needs

"action by SpaceX appears to be an attempt to circumvent the requirements imposed on those who seek to meet the challenging launch needs of the nation"

Those requirements being to bung some politician a load of dosh and/or a lucrative directorship for when the political career goes titsup rather than actual launch capability.

Why else award the contract to your preferred bidder just before the competition meets your capability criteria?

I understand that This Lot have been compliant for some time and That Lot are only just becoming compliant but compliance is compliance regardless.

I don't pretend to understand the Military-Industrial workings apart from it looks more bent than a Moebius Strip and I really want to see SpaceX succeed so my cynicism may be misplaced.

9
0

Look behind you, 'declining' sub-$5bn iPod. The iWatch has come... to EAT YOU

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Re: I beg to differ

Your strategy seems very similar to my own. I have a 1st gen iPod Touch but the battery on that just cannot hold a charge anymore so it's OK for maybe a couple of hours playing time.

However, when that runs out of battery I still have my phone. Likewise if my phone conks out I still have my iPod Touch. If I used an iPhone or other single device then, when that runs out of juice I'm SOL for all functions.

My tablet can play movies and music, held locally or in the Cloud. My smartphone can play music and movies, held locally or in the Cloud. Both can stream from Spotify. When my old iPod Touch battery finally stops being useful I will actually replace it with a new iPod Touch because the tablet is too big to lug around just as a portable media player and my phone is for communications (and internet when I've got no WiFi anywhere).

Since I had the iPod Touch every phone I've had has been able to play music (Sony Ericsson T610 - agree it was a POS, Nokia N73, Nokia N75, Nokia 5230, HTC Desire Z) and none of them have ever replaced the small, slim, "smart" dedicated media device.

If you shrink down the iPod Touch, put it on my wrist and add a couple of Smartwatch functions then great but I still get to have a dedicated device seperate from my other gadget functions.

0
0

LOHAN preps Vulture 2 for hot vinyl wrap

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Re: You reckon?

"busybodies of customs, immigration, "anti-terrorist" police, the bomb squad"

At Portsmouth continental ferry port? Bwahahaha!

No, they all got downsized as part of the War on Public Sector Jobs. That and Pompey CFP is dying on its arse.

You might get one bloke from Group 4 on minimum wage who can't be arsed to look up from his copy of Heat magazine from 2008.

I reckon SPB could get an actual vulture through there if they wanted.

7
0

Brit game devs WILL get tax relief for, er, EastEnders Game and Legend of Slough

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Re: "Tea shop manager"

This sounds perfect for a tie-in with popular IP. We have a great culture of kids TV in this country ripe for exploitation. A "Big Cook Little Cook: Scone in 60 seconds" game would go gangbusters.

Hmm.

The Wombles - isometric resource management game

What's The Story: Balamory - murder mystery puzzle game

Plants Vs Zombies: Bill & Ben edition

Andy Pandy: Modern Warfare

Someone get Tony Hall on the phone, we're going to be rich!

2
0

CHILLING STUDY: Rise of the data-slurping SNITCH GADGETS

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Re: Heck! Where's Guvmint when it is needed

I could be wrong but I don't think that dosh collected from Vehicle Excise Duty is ring-fenced for upkeep and/or planning of road systems. I think it goes back into general taxation, I.E. Osbourne gets to give it to his mates... erm, I mean, spend it in line with Government agenda.

VED cost is based, loosely, on how much of a Petrol Swilling, Bunny Murdering Enviro-Satan some utterly made up figures reckon your car is, not where it's driven, how it's driven etc...

This makes Mike Smith's scenario of a gov.uk led Telematics rollout being used to send your VED north instead of south the more likely. Gov.uk isn't going to spend money in order to allow itself to bring in less money even if that's the way it should work.

3
0

Samsung and Apple BEWARE: Huawei is coming to eat your lunch

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Consumer brand awareness

They no haz it, so it doesn't matter how amazing the kit is, Apple and Sammy are still way ahead on logo recognition. Same problem HTC had so Hu-Ah-Yoo are going to need to spend a *lot* on marketing.

Even those who know the company associate them with back end telco kit and packet pushing devices not consumer goods (In much the same way as Nokia should be but aren't).

Still, great stuff and I can't wait to see them push the technology and innovate the shit out of the rather stagnant smartphone market.

1
1

Someone's snatched my yummy Brit COTTAGE PIE – Viv Reding

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Showcase?

Much as I enjoy them I wouldn't have picked a cottage pie to showcase the best of British pies! A quick (but usually expensive) trip to Borough Market will net you some fantastic pastry-based nosh.

Maybe Eric Pickles ate all the good ones?

4
0

'I don't understand why they feel like they own the word CANDY'

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Trademarking words FTW

Now I can release my completely different and original confectionery matching puzzle game "Sweet Squash Story" and be completely untouchable 'cos I used different words. Ace!

0
0

Apple plans to waggle iNormous 4½-incher in fanbois' faces

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

iMax

"Your pictures and videos will look great on our new, bigger, iMax screen. What?"

1
0

Developers: Behold the bug NOBODY can fix

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Re: what's worse

Nerd tatoos of a programming language that uses significant whitespace, obv, but of the options you give, I'm a sucker for nerd T-Shirts so I'm comfortable with the idea of being daubed in witty geek slogans or jokes that require a knowledge of higher maths to understand, that make everyone who isn't a nerd hate me on sight.

Programming languages with shitty syntax, however, can fuck right off.

2
1

Vultures circle to feast on carcass of free remote desktop service LogMeIn

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Re: VPN + RDP?

Steve,

We're a 24/7/365 workplace with 9-5 Mon-Fri IT staff so being able to remotely fix stuff is important especially the VPN that is used by the other staff all the time. If the PC crashed at the same time the VON got b0rked it would be unlucky and someone would have to go to site and do stuff. Also with something like LMI I could access my PC for emergency work when I didn't have a device configured for the VPN handy (like when visiting my Mum). It really has been a useful alternative for me.

1
0
Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Re: VPN + RDP?

That's great but what happens if/when the VPN fails? How do you remotely fix the VPN issue without an alternative way to get onto your network (such as a remote access app)?

LogMeIn (and similar apps) very much has its uses for an IT Support function.

Of course manglement won't pay for it. They'll suggest using the VPN+RDP they've already paid for.

3
2

Our robot overlords won't be evil cyborgs: Prepare for whisker-equipped ROBO-KITTIES

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

The Purrminator

Well, looks like the mice are fucked.

1
0

Our Milky Way galaxy is INSIDE OUT. Just as we suspected, mutter boffins

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Re: ?

Where do I think I'm going with my big bangs and black holes? On David Cameron's naughty list of course!

3
0
Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Re: Just a simple question.

It's not a simple question but a very profound one. Unfortunately it's founded on a notion of causality and familiar laws of nature that just didn't exist at the very earliest beginnings of the universe. What does it matter what came "before" when time itself didn't exist so the question itself has no meaning.

Big Bang theory only gives us info on what the universe was like about 10^-43 seconds (Planck time) into its life. Beyond that, physics of any kind just doesn't play.

It's reasonable to speculate that a singularity existed as infinite potential and had a quantum jitter (read: because it could rather than conventional quantum mechanical processes) which caused a spacetime to develop with a unified symmetrical force out of the infinite potential. However we have no way of probing back that far for reasons already mentioned.

4
0
Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Re: That's my take on it.

You'll be disappointed to know that your high entropy collection of pseudo-scientific jargon is just a lot of made up bollocks.

Inflationary cosmology explains why the shape of the universe we observe is flat (read: Euclidean so your toroids etc... are right out), the extremely rapid expansion caused by the collapse of the energy density of the inflaton field (no plasma of any kind as there was no matter at all prior to this point, it's all quantum fields) drove the matter density of the universe to equal the critical energy density predicted to give us a flat universe.

In terms of where the perturbation came from that set the inflaton field off on its rapid tumble towards (nearly) zero energy, simple quantum fluctuations were enough. Same as for the Higgs field that gave a meaning to a "mass" property.

In terms of where the matter came from, remember matter and energy are the same. As the inflaton field collapsed it drew energy from the negative gravity causing the inflation of space as it was shedding that energy as matter and radiation so the more space expanded the more mass/energy the inflaton field could dump into space. To the point where an original mass in the universe before inflation of 2.1601 Jub would account for all that we see in the universe including the "Dark" stuff.

So we have an original, tiny lump of spacetime containing only quantum fields at high energy. Quantum jitters go jitter and we have a amazingly rapid period of expansion creating all matter and energy in the universe. As gravity starts to have an effect this expansion slows down and astrophysical processes start making galaxies and all the good stuff. Right up until the point that space expanded so much that the negative gravity left over from the inflaton field having non-zero energy is enough to overcome the gravity that slowed the expansion and, right now, it's on the increase again.

Also, this article references "Standard Big Bang Theory" but the processes involved occur after the effects of Inflationary Theory therefore don't actually speak to Standard Theory versus Inflationary Theory.

Right, even I'm bored of this post now. To The Pub!

7
0

Lenovo Yoga 10: Mediocre tech, yes, but beautifully fondleable

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Re: what the hell did the author mean

Humour.

Glad I could clear that up for you.

10
1

MANIC MINERS: Ten Bitcoin generating machines

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Re: Bitcoin mining == Pyramid scheme

So I'm buying expensive dedicated hardware that, due to the nature of the task at hand, is going to have an ever-decreasing rate of ROI *by design* so that, in order to maintain my *current* level of BTC return I'm going to have to upgrade to faster, newer hardware ad infinitum. In order for this to be viable, especially with ever increasing cost of energy, it's going to have to generate a shitload of BTC in order to be profitable. Which it won't because BTC creation is deliberately nobbled in order to retain scarcity, hence value. So as an end consumer I'm either going to have to keep giving manufacturers more money in order to maintain my position of BTC wealth (possibly slightly growing it) and these manufacturers, setting how efficiently these devices mine BTC thereby controlling how much BTC wealth I can maintain/grow, set the $ prices accordingly.

I think you've absolutely nailed it with your pyramid scheme appellation.

5
0

Tech titan Bill Gates: Polio-free India one of the 'most impressive accomplishments' ever

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge
Pint

Re: bottled water and champagne

And us riff-raff will just do what we did to avoid cholera last time round. Only drink beer.

1
0

Has Intel side-stepped NGOs on conflict minerals in its chips?

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Doing it the easy way

If Dodd-Frank is the legal method you must use to be compliant then are Intel, despite their method being sensible, effective and efficient, still judged to be legally non-compliant? Basically are they allowed by the morons who decided that doing it the hard way is the only way, to call their stuff "Conflict Free"?

2
0

Joke no more: Comedy virty currency Dogecoin gets real in big Xmas heist

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Re: pound of silver

I think the origin of the name "sterling" came from our illiterate ancestors' name for a silver coin used by them wot conquered us in 1066. A quick wackypodia check tells me there were 240 of those from a pound in weight of silver.

So, yes, I suppose at least by name you'd expect 2.578g of silver for your £1 sterling (or in real money 0.6138 MilliJub)

0
0

MailOnline pulls recipe site after innocent young cookbook DEFILED

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

I guess Using IIS6.0...

...was a recipe for disaster. </sunglasses>

0
1

You gotta fight for your copyright ... Beastie Boys sue toymaker over TV ad

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Re: There's only one way to find out.

Also: Googlefight.

Beasties: 27,700,000

Goldiblox: 3,770,000

in case anyone's interested.

0
0

Marketing told us: 'Justin Bieber is a fad. He’s not going to last.' – Company formerly known as RIM

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Re: Reminds me of Mary Antoinette

And it wasn't even Marie Antoinette and may well be apocryphal.

3
0

Big goolies-grabbing black snake nips unlucky bloke's trouser snake

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Re: Spoilsport though I know I'm being...

>I have to ask - IT?

This is the Bootnotes section. I'd be disappointed if there *was* an IT angle!

5
0

Smarty Ring promises technology at your fingertips

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

And if it made an audible sound on receiving a call

It would be a Ring Ring.

Oh yes, coat. Right-oh.

2
0

Meet NASA's Valkyrie: A SILKY BUSTY ROBO-MINX that'll save your life

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Superhero robots sent to clean up Mars

Someone at DARPA's been at the A.B.C. Warriors trades again!

0
0

New York City plans massive free Wi-Fi zone

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

SIngle service provider

Where I've seen "free Wi-Fi City" actually work There has been a number of private providers depending on the area. If there is one company going to get the contract to provide a large-scale infrastructure then that's a lot of pork that someone else isn't getting. I agree with AC (09:49) that those who aren't getting any pork and yet see their business undermined are going to raise hell. However the fact is that it's easier and a lot faster to implement several small infrastructure projects than one huge one and for that fact alone I remain sceptical that this will work as planned.

0
0

eBay head honcho: Amazon drone delivery plan is 'FANTASY'

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Re: collection centres or similar

Well Amazon and others have already been courted by Transport for London about paying them to use Tube Stations as pick-up points. Not to say it'll take off (see, drone related puns are in this year) but I think that'd be a great idea. Your idea of taking underperforming shops and giving them an Amazon Collection Point in-store isn't so far fetched!

0
0

How the UK's national memory lives in a ROBOT in Kew

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Informative article.

The bit about the pubs. I shall have to seek these out in the spring.

0
0

Los Angeles' weather is just like MORDOR, says Brit climate prof

Sir Sham Cad
Bronze badge

Re: Does that include the Smog?

No but maybe a Smaug.

4
0

Page: