Posts by Field Marshal Von Krakenfart
1680 posts • joined Saturday 13th June 2009 08:31 GMT
Page:
Posted in Kiwi gals swig shots of horse semen
20 vials
If you don’t like the bottled variety I've got plenty of draught....
So if I offered to buy a shot for some girl, would she thing I was coming on to her???
I'll bet you didn't see that remark coming...
Paris, for obvious reasons
Posted in Alleged LulzSec hacker still inside
Déjà vu
Déjà vu
I am rapidly forming the opinion that te ‘merkin legal/penal system is not about justice, its not about punishment, it’s not even about revenge (although I do believe revenge is a big part of the merkin legal system), no, its all about covering the arse of a bunch of incompetent idiots posing as security experts.
So your systems got hacked, what do you do, extradite the hackers, have a show trial, and throw them in prison and then pretend you’ve scored some sort of flag waving victory. But then, that also suits the propagandists, tell the merkin proles that they have been attacked again, but its OK we got the perps and took revenge on them!!!
Is the real crime the fact that the Senate, CIA and FBI sites were hacked, or the fact that the sites were hacked and the hackers told everyone that these sites, set up by highly paid professionals, have been hacked?
Both Cleary and McKinnon should be extradited to merkin-land….. and given jobs as security consultants to tell these fucking idiots how to secure their sites
Sale items
Spectrum for sale....
Can I have Captin Scarlet
Posted in They shoot mainframes, don't they?
reality bytes
Of course the M/F has never been hacked, didn't big blueloo develop an implementation of the DES encryption standard that used a 128 bit key, and then reduced it to 56 bits...... on advice from the NSA??!?!?!?!?!?!?
XP & IE6
The last place I worked had 120,000 employees worldwide, and 100,000 PCs and laptops worldwide. Seem like a perfectly valid reason not to upgrade.
Want email and access to the web???, make the business case otherwise make do with internal mail and the intranet, and depend on your 'friends' to email you the latest porn/mp3/virus/worm
Are Colleges dumbing down?
Cookies not program code???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Has the rush to etch-a-sketch drag and drop programming meant the people no longer read books like Niklaus Wirth's "Algorithms + Data Structures = Programs"
Oh Sorry, written in 1976, replaced by OOP and the Agile manifesto.
Teacher Icon.......
Posted in Can Big Blue survive another century?
War For Fun And Profit
So how is big bile different from so many other companies such as Bechtel, Blackwater and Halliburton, or even Huawei Technologies that refurbished Saddam's air-defence systems between the Iraq Wars?
in his book "War Is a Racket" (1935), General Smedley Butler describes how companies benefit from warfare. In the book Butler describes war as in international business where profits are counted in dollars and losses in lives.
The quote usually taken from the book is:-
"I spent 33 years and four months in active military service and during that period I spent most of my time as a high class muscle man for Big Business, for Wall Street and the bankers. In short, I was a racketeer, a gangster for capitalism. I helped make Mexico and especially Tampico safe for American oil interests in 1914. I helped make Haiti and Cuba a decent place for the National City Bank boys to collect revenues in. I helped in the raping of half a dozen Central American republics for the benefit of Wall Street. I helped purify Nicaragua for the International Banking House of Brown Brothers in 1902-1912. I brought light to the Dominican Republic for the American sugar interests in 1916. I helped make Honduras right for the American fruit companies in 1903. In China in 1927 I helped see to it that Standard Oil went on its way unmolested. Looking back on it, I might have given Al Capone a few hints. The best he could do was to operate his racket in three districts. I operated on three continents."
Butler recons that WW1 cost the USA $52B, that’s $39B in actual materials and $16B in profits!!!!
Who do you think benefits most when Bush/Clinton/Bush/Obama decide to pop off a few tomahawks into Iraq/Libya at 1M$ a go?
Anyone remember Matrix Churchill?
Icon for obvious reasons
Posted in A sysadmin's top ten tales of woe
Moral of the Story???
You can't make idiot proof software/hardware/procedures, the idiots are just too inventive.
Or as Albert Einstein said Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former".
@Greg Preece
No, it’s just that university lecturers don't get tenure lecturing about Cobol and databases of bank accounts, its more trendy to use phrases like dangling pointers, after all if you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit. How can you impress anybody with:-
ADD TRANSACTION-AMOUNT TO LEDGER-BALANCE
when you can write shit like this:-
for(;P("\n"),R-;P("|"))for(e=C;e-;P("_"+(*u++/8)%2))P("| "+(*u/4)%2);
also see discussion about punctuation
C code fragment deliberately chosen, do I have to explain it as well?
Bring back the old icons, web 2.0, its made from badgers paws!
Rubbish
The Tiobe survey is complete ++ungood
Cobol only marginally more popular than Fortran, cobblers!
Paris, the only compile-her that can deal suckessfully with dangling pointers
Simples
"Unlike what many C++ programmers seem to believe, it is possible to have systems which are both easy to use/program and powerful and fast."
Yeah, it's called cobol, and on a mainframe
Tin foil suit
100 megabytes in the (shielded) wires sounds fine to me, but 100 megabytes over a wireless, add a parity and a check bit and a few more bits for the protocol layers that sounds like a frequency around 1GhZ, that’s halfway to microwave energy, will I be able to warm pizza by placing it between the antenna of my router? Will I have to wear a tin foil suit to sit near the router so that my little programmers don’t get cooked?
At least I can keep my beer cool with the fans I will have to install to keep my HDDs cool
Paris, who has been known to heat up an antenna or two in her lifetime
No - BOFH #1
"It's backup day today so I'm pissed off. Being the BOFH, however, does have it's advantages. I reassign /dev/null to be the tape device - it's so much more economical on my time as I don't have to keep getting up to change tapes every 5 minutes. And it speeds up backups too, so it can't be all bad can it? Of course not."
I think we need a BOFH icon
value of music?
and the cost per 'virtual' CD will come down to something approaching zero;
Seems like an accurate assessment of the value of the crap that the simon cowell clones generate each year. FFS most of the churned acts the music industry hypes every year make the bay city rollers look like virtuoso musicians
It could have it uses though,
So what would happen if everybody upload a picture of a penis and tagged it as mark *uckerberg??????
Or upload a picture of a cat's bum and tag it as the RBS/Nat West Logo?????
Paris, errr.... emmm...... Oh figure it out for yourselves.
Posted in Two fat atoms get the nod
time to start a campaign...
to get one of them named "Elregicum"
Ah! now I uderstand....
Aaaahhhhh….. (lets out sigh of satisfaction), the merkin legal system, the best legal system money can but.
now I uderstand why;
1) Why closely related cousins shouldn't be allowed to marry.
2) Why crApple have taken out a patent that reduces the viewing angle on "hand held devices" http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/05/23/apple_privacy_display_patent/
It’s so people won't be able to read books that they have not paid for.
Science fiction becomes science fact, have a read of Richard Stallmans article that appeared in the February 1997 issue of Communications of the ACM (Volume 40, Number 2). (from “The Road To Tycho”) http://www.gnu.org/philosophy/right-to-read.html.
FFS, password sharing, a class E Felony, the penalty is a fine of up to $50,000, or imprisonment of up to 15 years, or both; however, for a repeat offender, the term of imprisonment may increase up to 2 years with prior misdemeanour convictions, and up to 6 years with a prior felony conviction, usually associated with Battery (Great Bodily Harm), burglary and robbery.
The next class of felony is class D which includes such crimes as Drunk Driving (Fifth or subsequent offence), Felony Vehicular Homicide (killing somebody), Vehicular Homicide While Intoxicated, and please note: Child Enticement or Solicitation Of A Child.
So password sharing is only slighy worse than child abuse.
I can see the legal case now:
"Hello judge Spuckler, I'm Mr Cletus Spuckler, and I'll be representing my client, Mr Cletus Delroy Spuckler, I'd like the case to be reduced to a misdemeanour as the victim, miss Brittany Incest International Harvester Spuckler, had no income of her own at the time of the <insert details of some horrendous crime> as she was only 8 years old and therefore her <insert details of some horrendous crime> does not represent any material loss to the RIAss"
Mizz Bee, can we have a Snake Plissken icon please.
Define an error message
Do you mean error messages like:-
An error has occurred, if this error persists, please contact your network administrator.
.... on a stand alone PC??????!!!!!
Posted in Verity Stob and the super subjunction
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~^:-P
Or as Winston Churchill said "A load of rubbish up which I will not put"
RTFM
I'm with Stephen on this one, if I were to create anything from open source I would have no problem sharing it with anyone, but I can't see why anyone should then profit from my work by selling on my work.
If I tried to sell something google created, google would call me a pirate and call in the parasites, eh, lawyers.
@snivelling miserable coward 08:16; you seem confused about what the street musician is doing, they are not giving away their music, they are performing their music, they still retain ownership of that music and anyone who tries to profit from that music should pay the street musician a loyalty. So yes, if google are profiting (making hard cash) from Stephen's work then google should redistribute that wealth back to Stephen by either 1) hard cash to Stephen or 2) giving back to OSS.
Paris, because she has published her work on the internet for everyone to enjoy.
I can't think of a good title
For a start, isn’t it obvious why the copyright mafiaa are going after a relatively small operation like MP3tunes rather than Amazon and Google, the mafiaa are hoping that their finical clout will enable them to bully MP3tunes into folding, because the cost of fighting the mafiaa will be more than MP3tunes can bear. I hope MP3tunes will win.
I’m just a little curious too, if EMI win, will SONY have to stop making mini-disk players as well????
I’d appreciate if somebody could tell me what labels EMI own, I have quite a few duff CDs (and records) that despite have no evidence of physical damage, either refuse to play or refuse to play a particular track. If EMI have only licensed me to listen to that piece of music, then I expect to full and specific performance of that contract in perpetuity, i.e. I expect EMI to keep their full back catalog in production so I can get a replacement at any time.
In fact now that I think of it, I have a copy of Muds RAK/EMI 1974 Vinyl LP “Mud Rock” that has degenerated over time, if EMI truly believe that they have only licensed me to listen to the music I’m sure they will be happy to replace it, after all a music company wouldn’t like anyone to break the law, would they?
I also thought that this sort of issue had already been decided in the courts regarding software, that it is not a license to use, but a sale with conditions, I’m sure the elReg hacks and hackettes will have that one filled away somewhere.
On a more serious note, though, if I were to format shift and upload my entire collection, and being a HiFi buff it would probably be to lossless format like FLAC, how am I supposed to access it? Am I to listen to it on my android phone? Given its battery usage I doubt if it has the capacity to power my Sennheiser headphones for too long, I’d need to lug a 12V car battery about with me just to keep the thing powered. And don’t get me started about the crappy amount of bandwidth or what I get charged for using the interwebs on my phone!!!!
I won’t be able to listen to it in work because all the company bandwidth needs to be kept for the CX so he can check out the call girls for his next business trip.
And just how the hell am I going to receive any streaming service when I am travelling on the worlds most effective mobile faraday cage, aka a commuter train, while its in a tunnel or a deep cutting.
I think I’ll stick with my minidisk player (even if its from sony, (I bought it a long time ago))
How about...
If you want to see a film with a girl with 3 tits , how about watching "3 men and a baby", Tom Selleck, Steve Guttenberg and Ted Danson.
Maybe...
...can get Daniella Atencia
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/05/27/distractionary_dumplings/
Or they could try Sellafield/Windscale swimming club.
Big Tits?
I've got bigger tits myself, and they're not mammary glands either.
Where the hand grenade "suck on this" icon gone?
Skype & Microsoft
New Name
Sky .Net
Netflix
My son, who is living in merkinland, has Netflix, and for $9.99 has a virtual unlimited supply of new films, he simply orders the film on the interweb, and in a couple of days it is queued up on his Netflix box, and it remains there for as long as he wants and he can watch it as many times as he wants. Interestingly a series counts as one choice, so he can order say southpark series 15 and only counts as one choice. Netflix is, of course, supplying HD to his Netflix box and HD TV.
I, on the other hand, used to be a Sky victim, eh customer, I enquired, after pay my bill faithfully for 9 years, how I could get a HD Sky+ box, after all they were giving them free to new customers. However to get a HD Sky+ box I had to Pay for installation ("engineer" required to unplug old box and plug in new one) AND take out a subscription to a premium service, No you perverts, not that kind of premium service, it means taking Sky Sports, or Films etc. and doubling my monthly fee.
So now I'm a customer of UPC with a HD+ box and it only costs €3 more than the standard Sky package!!!!!!
Well done Sky, you know how to retain your customers.
Hardly Normal
's funny that, I was in a "major high street" brand 2 weeks ago looking a (potential) new laptop, when I was shown the dell brand I merely replied that I did not want a dell because of the way they pulled out of Limerick (Ireland) and moved manufacturing to Poland.
"I'm hearing that a lot" replied the sales person. Strange thing consumer sentiment isn't it.
Hard sums
Newton invented (discovered??) fluxions, told nobody, and published mathematical work that he reversed engineered into non-fluxion mathematics from his fluxion work.
Leibniz invented a calculus that was slower and more awkward to use.
Newton refused to believe Leibniz invented calculus and done everything he could to discredit Leibniz.
Modern calculus has very little to with either Newtons or Leibnizs calculus and is based on limits, however Leibniz had the last laugh as we use his dy/dx notation.
double Eh!
You might want to think before becoming a fanboi
1. However they could be at least be truthful about any problems on macs (no apostrophe and no capitalisation either so as to be consistent with a lack of capitalisation on terms such as mickeysoft).
2. If you can't attack the message, attack the grammar, but a valid point all the same. Always remember that "apostrophe s" is a contraction of "is", so saying (or writing) "mac's are shit" is the same as saying (or writing) "mac is are shit", it's just bad grammar. Try and get gooder grammar like what I got.
3. However you can deny God exists, and that viruses exist on the mac.
I think I see the problem......
'I was in an iStore just a few days ago and the "Genius" there was still making claims that they do not get viruses etc. and that’s why they don’t sell anti-virus.'
The all seeing omnipresent church of jobs has failed to address this marketing shortfall i.e. they don't sell anti-virus, therefore they don't get viruses, after all if the church of jobs appreciated the fanbois then they would have created an anti-virus package, sorry, app, for that.
All fanbois should be made to watch south park season 15 ep 1; HUMANCENTiPAD
Sarah, can we have an icon of an ostrich with its head stuck up its own arse?
Yuck!
I'd sooner eat a selection Whizzo Chocolate Company crunchy frog, Ram's Bladder Cup (garnished with lark's vomit) cockroach cluster, anthrax ripple and spring surprise than eat Hersheys.
Herpes chocolate kisses are only marginally worse that the "peanut butter cups" that my work mates insist on bring back from merkinland, a hideous combination of salt, sugar and peanuts.
eh.. didn't the EU want "British chocolate" classified as vegi choc (due to high proportion of vegetable fat instead of coca butter) a few years ago?
Posted in Apple breaks location-storing silence
@"What is wrong with iPhone users"
That may take too long to answer.
How about "What is right with iPhone users"
@AC 08:43 GMT
"it is highly likely that your speedy road is running through a village"
No its not!!!!!! Read the fucking post. Footpath on one side, fields on the other, so its may be a road on the outskirts of a village, also just because a road has a footpaths doesn't mean it is running through a built up area.
"Most rural accidents don’t happen on the daily commute"
Facts and reference please, otherwise your post is of no relevance to anyone
Lies, dammed lies and sped traps.
On Wednesday, Europe's biggest satnav device maker apologized, saying it sold the data believing it would improve traffic safety and reduce bottlenecks in extracting more money from motorists, The Associated Press reported.
“We never foresaw this kind of use when we received the very big check for selling the data and many of our clients are not happy about it,” Chief Executive Harold Goddijn wrote...
The practice of changing speed limits is vital to catch out motorists who obey speed limits, I have seen this happen on the M1 motorway just outside Dublin Airport. The corporation/county council changed (reduced) the speed limit on a portion of the brand new 3 lane motorway, and the weekend they changed the speed limit is the only time I have seen a mobile speed trap on ths portion on the brand new 3 lane motorway.
I have also seen some of the new (privately owned of course, why have a system that can generate revenue for the state when it can be divert into the hands of a private company) mobile speed trap vans on a portion of road between the the town where I live and a neighboring town 4 miles away. Is the van parked on any of the dangerous parts of the road, no, its parked on the only good stretch of road i.e. the only flat straight part of the road with a good surface.
Its been obvious to everyone for years that speed traps are more about gathering revenue than road safety, to add insult to injury the authorities continue to lie about the reason why we have peed traps. I wonder what else they are lieing about.
Let me get this clear...
Google have already sucked up to MickySoft and agreed to pay royalties for the evil empire's patent on loading bars, pop-ups and resizing.
Is that the same google that said that the glibc headers are "so simple and unoriginal that it can't be copyrighted"
http://forums.theregister.co.uk/forum/1/2011/03/29/google_android_and_the_linux_headers/
Some sort of cartel in operation methinks...
The title is required, and must contain letters and/or digits.
"a waiver that infected machine owners are asked to sign releases the feds from any legal liability should things go wrong"
Something has already gone wrong, they've got a bot installed on their computers
Google, I'll sort this out for €1M
Google, for a small fee of on €1M I'll sort it out for you....
Prior art:- Algoriths by Robert Sedgewick, ISBN O-201 -06672-6, Copyright 1983 by Addison-Wesley Publishing Company,
Chapter 11. Priority Queues, Page 127
Applications of priority queues include simulation systems (where the keys might correspond to “event times” which must be processed in order), job scheduling in computer systems (where the keys might correspond to “priorities” which indicate which users should be processed first),
Also
Chapter 14. Elementary Searching Methods, page 171 - Covers: Sequential Searching, Sequential List Searchang, Binary Search, Binary Tree Search, Indirect Binary Search Trees.
Chapter 15. Balanced Trees, Page 187 - Covers Top-Down 2-9-4 Trees, Red-Black Trees, and other Algorithms
Chapter 16. Hashing, page 201 - Covers: Hash Functions, Separate Chaining, Open Addressing, Analytic Results
Chapter 18 External Searching, page 225 - Covers Indexed Sequential Access, B-Trees, Extendible Hashing, Virtual Memory
In addition ot Kunths book mentioned in the patent, I also have another book which I can't find at the moment , a fairly thin volume called "principles of operating systems" which describes the a lot of what in also in the so called "invention" described in the so called patent.
Seems not only are the jury a bit thick, so are Google's lawyers.
g e is right
This sounds like DB2's b-tree balancing. Does this patent take ownership of b-trees andlinked list data structures?
This whole copyright thing has gone to hell on a horse, I bought a section of bedding plants last week, on the back of the tag "Protected by plant breeders rights. Propagation prohibited without a license" and a (c)HORTIPAK LTD
FFS, propagation of flowering plants without a license.........
Posted in Deleting 'innocent' DNA will cost £5m
Police announcement
"We have compared the sample found at the scene of the crime and we are looking for a relation of miss Eve Mitochondrial who may have lived in east Africa some 200,000 years ago"
Great idea
I genuinely hope google get away with this, specifically the legal concept that something can be so simple and unoriginal that it can't be copyrighted.
That should bollocks up a lot of so called software patents.
Posted in Deleting 'innocent' DNA will cost £5m
how the fuck does this cost £5m????
£4.28 to write the code
£118.72 to run the code
£4,999,877.00 in consultancy fees
Prior Art
Isn't that a sub plot in one of Tom Sharpe's books, either Riotous Assembly or Indecent Exposure, when the 10 blue-bottles assigned to anti-terrorist work, each manage to infiltrate a terrorist cell consisting of 10 people........
The cops should stick to what they do best, like ignoring corrupt bankers and politicians and putting speed traps on wide safe roads.
crApple
What's apple got to do with any of this?
If MickySoft made horseless carriage
An Oldie....
1. For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT." But then you would have to buy more seats.
6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five per cent of the roads.
7. The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
8. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
9. The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.
10. Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.
11. MickeySoft would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps, even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more.
12. Every time MickySoft introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
13. You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine.
£200 for a 79p overdraft!!!!
Can I introduce to Mr Yorkshire Bank plc are Fascist Bastards?
Be fair....
Mandy was working hard..... memorizing the lines that the music industry had given him to learn
Nice...
I predict that I will not be buying crApple products.
If that prediction turns out to be true will crApple give me a an iPhone?
Shock, horror,
as MickySoft product fails to work.......
Ah-ha
The politicians lie.... They don't lie to you, they just don't tell the truth
