* Posts by Alan 6

307 publicly visible posts • joined 12 Jun 2009

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Anon Mail commenters to stay anon

Alan 6

@lglethal

"Heres hoping she lost a large portion of the money she got from her original payout in taking this action to the high court..."

I'm more inclined to think that just like her first case, she used "no win no fee" ambulance chasers. In her first case she won £12k, but the legal fees came to £500k...

Inventor of the Workmate dies

Alan 6

Belieber

To be fair, a movie about a pre-pubescent You Tube star is a bit easier to make interesting than a movie about the trials and tribulations of designing a workmate.

On a similar point, I doff my hat to all the dads and grand-dads who are currently sitting through Justin Bieber: Never Say Never 3D with their daughters and grand-daughters, you are heroes for going through that kind of audio visual torment just to keep your offspring happy...

Sex offenders will get a review – after 15 years

Alan 6

It's because

The majority of murders are simply one-off crimes - either crimes of passion or revenge, that won't be repeated.

There are very few repeat offending murderers, thankfully, and the ones that are usually find themselves locked up for life in Broadmoor or Ashworth.

Paedophilia is a mental illness that cannot be cured, look at the likes of Gary Glitter, they see no wrong in what they do, and without admission of guilt there is little or no chance of them stopping offending...

ps and no, cutting their balls off does not work...

Man stabbed to death by chicken

Alan 6

Deja-Vu

A few weeks ago I said well that's not a headline you read everyday

Well maybe not, but every fortnight or so seems to be the norm for metal enhanced cock death related stories...

Mexican woman gets litigious on Top Gear's ass

Alan 6
WTF?

WTF

"The possible hit to the BBC's wallet could be £1m in damages, the Telegraph says"

Is that £1m to be shared amongst all Mexicans who were offend by the remark, or just to the woman who sees an easy way to make a quick buck.

We'll be as bad a the US soon with an ambulance chasing lawyer on every street corner...

Murdoch, The Daily, and life without the web

Alan 6

Already available

My Times subscription gives me a book of vouchers, plus access to the website.

I can take a voucher into most newsagents and get a paper, or read it online, or on a fondle-slab or whatever.

I would imagine other papers will offer the same thing if Newscorp get a decent number of subscribers after 12 months...

Alan 6

No ads behind the paywall

But I had to check because I largely ignore online ads, so I wasn't sure if there were any on the Times site or not...

Alan 6
FAIL

Paywall

I have a subscription to the Times, so I automatically get access to the Times+ bit of the site.

It's quite slick, I like the way the full story loads, so when you click for the next page it changes instantly.

What I don't like is the almost constant SSL errors when trying to log in, and the regular server crashes. If they set up a walled garden for paying customers I would have thought they'd have installed enough reliable hardware to keep us paying customers happy...

Bookeen CyBook Orizon

Alan 6

Web Browser??

I thought I'd killed my GF's brand new Kindle at the weekend by testing the browser with Facebook.

It completely locked up and required three reboots to get the bugger working again.

I think Google's plain vanilla page is the only one that renders right in the crappy browser that makes Lynx look good...

Who are the biggest electric car liars - the BBC, or Tesla Motors?

Alan 6

This Mini-E is getting used to the drive north

Autocar magazine took a similar journey last year, probably using the same car, with more or less the same result.

http://www.autocar.co.uk/News/NewsArticle/AllCars/250529/

Mum arrested for seducing teen on Xbox Live

Alan 6
FAIL

Idiot

Why is it considered OK for a woman to rape a boy than it is an older man to rape a girl, or indeed a man to rape a boy or a woman to rape a girl?

In all cases it's an adult sexually interfering with a child below the age of consent...

Called 999 recently? They've got your number

Alan 6

WTF

"if you *ever* make a complaint to the police, it will appear (probably negatively) on your CRB check, so being a witness to an assault means you can kiss goodbye to your teaching career."

Did you read that in the Dail Heil? - oh it must be true then...

Alan 6

If they didn't log calls

They'd have no way of catching dickheads who repeatedly dial 999 for no reason, like this one

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-manchester-12009613

Disconsolate Spanish smokers driven out into blizzard

Alan 6

"Shouldn't be a problem as long as it's not staffed."

And the smokers can be trusted to empty their own ash trays and take their glasses back to the bar...

Ford cars get draconian parental controls

Alan 6

That's not what you want

If you limit them to 20mph then they just take longer to drive past your house.

Instead make the cars drive at 100mph into the nearest tree...

Morricone makes music for Android smartphone

Alan 6

<title>

I seem to remember that Ryuichi Sakamoto did some ring tones for the Nokia 8800

UK Man cops to £500,000 iTunes royalty scam

Alan 6
FAIL

£500k!!!

They'd have had to download the track several million times to generate those kinds of royalties.

Maybe we're on to something here - I know of no-one who actually likes Lady Gaga, perhaps she has a team of slaves downloading her shite on stolen cards...

Nottinghamshire back-end taken over by giant reseller

Alan 6

That should be fun

We're having SAP imposed on us by our US overlords. It's so far been a two year project to ensure that all our processes are mirrored as closely as possible in SAP, but it's a serious culture change.

SAP go live is Jan 4th, straight after the Christmas break, I don't think our IT bods will get much sleep during the break...

Unfeasibly vast amphibian found croaked on video card

Alan 6
Happy

I'm willing to bet

you kissed it just in case...

Apple accused of iPhone ban on 'all single-station radio apps'

Alan 6

me no understand

I've not got an iPhone or iPad, so I genuinely don't know how they operate, but why do you need an app to listen to an online radio station?

Can't you simply navigate to relevant web page and save it as a favourite?

China-inspired charity aims to sex-down society

Alan 6

Art

I remember walking around a gallery with my nephew and his mum when he was about 3. All of a sudden he stopped dead, pointed and said "Boobies!" really loud.

Anyone know where Mr Canaletto lives so I can have him prosecuted for corrupting my nephew...

Alan 6

It's always been this way

Cave walls, paintings, books, videos, dvds

Whenever a new communication medium is developed it's almost instantly used to reproduce smut.

Not that that is necessarily a bad thing, each new medium is smaller and easier to hide from your mum or partner.

(can you imagine trying to read a cave wall under the duvet at night...)

Google boosts Bletchley's Turing papers bid

Alan 6
Gates Horns

Overpriced fruit

Kind of proves the Fanbois have more money than sense if an Apple 1 is predicted to cost three times as much as an Enigma machine...

Man cracks open floppy disk, inserts USB Flash drive

Alan 6

Just because you can do something

Doesn't mean you should...

How to make boots on Mars affordable - One way trips

Alan 6

Doom

I hope they pack a chainsaw and a BFG, oh and plenty of first aid kits and armour top-ups...

ASA rules 'Bare T*Ts Project' ad offensive

Alan 6
Paris Hilton

Right to be offended

Who do I complain to about the fact that some people are just too stupid to be allowed access to a TV remote control?

Sexy Hustler honeys unlikely to corrupt Croydon yoof

Alan 6

Context

It's all about context. If the paper regularly prints topless pictures the person would have no room to complain.

Whereas a local rag is more middle class, so it would be like having a lap-dancing advert in the Daily Express (and as we know, you'll never find nipples in there).

Florida cops tase naked jogger

Alan 6

@What would you propose the officer have done?

Let the jogger carry on, he clearly wasn't hurting anyone, and being naked had only one place to conceal a weapon...

Foxconn warns phones prices will rise

Alan 6

It's not compulsory

to buy the latest shiny phone.

If you're so concerned about the welfare of workers simply don't buy any products built in China, because there's a reason electronics companies have their stuff built there, and it's nothing to do with the local scenery...

Texan smut baron spanked over UK schoolgirl snap

Alan 6

@Curious

Check the flickr link in the story (http://www.flickr.com/photos/larajade/5006186478/) and all will be explained...

Seagate stuffs 3TB drives in NAS box

Alan 6
FAIL

Glass half empty

To all you miserable shits who automatically assume the sterling price will be a straight 1:1 exchange I suggest you apologise.

It actually works out cheaper here in Blighty. At the current exchange rate of $1.5709:£1 the US price works out at £1209.47 + local taxes.

Here in the UK the price at Insight is £1,008.99 + VAT = £1,185.23

http://uk.insight.com/apps/productpresentation/index.php?product_id=SGGA07IC8

WD Livewire four-port powerline Ethernet adaptor

Alan 6

@Several

Thanks, but that's a standard PoE switch and I've got dozens of those in stock at work. What I would like is a single unit Home Plug adaptor that will provide network connectivity and power to a camera.

FYI cameras with heaters & PTZ cameras usually need 802.3at devices that can kick out up to 30w. The Axis Q6032e camera comes with a mid-span that is rated at 60w @ 55v which is very impressive but does mean the cat 5 cable gets a bit warm at times...

Alan 6

PoE

I've asked this before without getting a suitable answer, so I'll ask it again.

Does anyone know of a powerline ethernet device that also delivers Power Over Ethernet to a connected device? this would be perfect for installing IP cameras in the home when you don't want to sling Cat5e all over the place or risk drop-outs with wirelessly connected cameras...

Swedes brew up 18.5 per cent 'Ace of Spades Porter'

Alan 6
Boffin

Nothing added, just taken away

They don't add ethanol, they simply freeze the beer and remove the ice, so it's basically a beer cordial...

LG Optimus GT540 Android smartphone

Alan 6
Happy

Got one

I've got one of these and I really like it, as it does pretty much everything I want from a phone.

For reference Argos have one on O2 for about £130 with 2gb card included...

Bacon thief leaves rasher on door knob

Alan 6

Ketchup?

Surely it should be HP Sauce with bacon...

'Larry and Sergey's HTML5 balls drained my resources'

Alan 6

CPU

I'm using the latest iteration of Chrome and with 3 tabs open, Outlook and 3 massive spreadsheets open my CPU is only at 23%.

My PC is only a Dell with a 1.8Ghz Core Duo and 1 gig of RAM, so it's not massively powerful.

Probably the people complaining are running various flavours of IE which can't cope with HTML 5 yet...

Joy Division designer tackles England footie strip

Alan 6
Happy

Tardiness

Given Peter Saville's legendary tardiness returning commissions I'm thinking this strip was meant for the World Cup but only just arrived...

Chrome celebrates second b-day with sixth release

Alan 6

BSOD

My two PCs both crashed with the same error message - the only similarity between both machines is they were both running the same version of Chrome 5.

Hopefully Chrome 6 will stop whatever caused the BSOD

D-Link DHP-306AV powerline Ethernet adaptor

Alan 6

PoE

Anyone know if you can get a powerline ethernet device that also delivers Power over Ethernet, which would make these things perfect for connecting to PoE enabled CCTV cameras and WiFi access points.

Also, why don't they put the ethernet connection on the top rather than the base or side, then they won't snag on anything...

Lexmark files patent gripe against 24 cartridge makers

Alan 6
Unhappy

Title

Why is it that I can buy any make of oil filter for my car, and feed it with any make of diesel, but Printer manufacturers seem to be able to get away with insisting that you only use their ink and cartridges?

People have no bloody idea about saving energy

Alan 6

Title

It says "Name is required and must contain letters or numbers"

Ten unlikely iPhone insurance claims

Alan 6
Jobs Horns

7. I dropped it in a food blender

So that's how the "Will it Blend" guy pays for the stuff he destroys.

One of my dimmer colleagues "lost" his iPhone at V Fest a couple of years ago, he tried to claim that it was stolen, but someone managed to forward a You Tube video to the insurance company of him drop-kicking the phone into the crowd.

Insurance companies become very suspicious of claims around the time of a new phone launch...

Google finally pulls Gmail contacts tool into line

Alan 6

Title

So this is why Gmail has been up & down like a brides nighty over that last couple of days.

Personally I don't give a flying fuck where the contacts button is, I'd just like to access my email every now & again and not see the SSL error window on my home page thank you very much.

Beeb deploys ISS as unit of measurement

Alan 6
FAIL

Pedantry corner

If Excel is correct, and there's no guarantee of that, the stack would be 6.285714286 times higher than ISS, which is closer to 6 times than 7 times

Czechs toast Bud-beating beer win

Alan 6
Coat

Obligatory Monty Python reference

What have making love in a canoe and American beer got in common

They're both fucking close to water...

Emmerdale shoves jam rags in innocent kiddies' faces

Alan 6

Do people still

watch Emmerdale?

I stopped watch that shit when Amos Brierley left...

Coalition spends £3.75m on ContactPoint

Alan 6
Happy

How much

I've got a quad CPU (16-core) server with 60tb of storage standing unused at the moment, bung me a million and I'll maintain the database for the next 6 months. After that the server has some other work to do, but if they need an extension another million will buy me a new (gold plated) server...

Yorks cops charge Segway rider under 1835 road law

Alan 6

No it isn't

Just the registration number and make of the vehicle

BBC chief acknowledges DAB flop & internet radio

Alan 6

Maths

I'm going to guess that they mean 2/3 of BBC iPlayer radio listening was catch-up or on-demand rather than listening to the live stream...

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