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* Posts by Bernie 2

85 posts • joined 12 Jun 2009

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Taser offers obsessive parents total mobe intrusion package

Bernie 2

christ

May I suggest a different tool for would-be "Protector" subscribers?

It's called "talking to your children". Benefits of "talking to your children" include:

1. building up a trusting relationship with them

2. finding out what they are up to in a direct and straightforward manner

3. lets them know that they are worthy of human interaction with you

4. inexpensive

Optional extra packages include "talking to their teachers", "talking to your neighbours", and of course the "I realise that there are not peadophiles lurking round every corner" reality check system.

Free while stocks last.

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Secret code protecting cellphone calls set loose

Bernie 2
Thumb Up

Interesting.

Interesting article.

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Video surfaces of alleged Apple tablet

Bernie 2
Gates Halo

if you think that's massive

Wait until Microsoft brings out their copy-cat version, the Zablet.

It's basically just their coffee table computer without legs. Eat THAT Apple!

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Parcelforce to drop Windows 7 compatibility through letterbox in New Year

Bernie 2

ssshhhh

don't tell the plebs or the management at Parcelforce won't be able to charge millions of pounds to upgrade the site.

You see, they've told the execs that it's a highly complicated job that involves realigning the dark matter in the neutron centrifuge (deep below earths surface), something which can only be done during a full moon by trained Bonobo chimps (the Bonobo is immune to deadly gamma rays that live deep underground) but the chimps are busy writing Shakespeare at the moment so in the mean time management require that £3,000,000 be paid into a special bank account for safe keeping until the next full moon when they will have completed a subterranean mine shaft for the chimps to use.

At which point, management will simply remove the bit of code that says "block anyone who's user agent doesn't say Windows 98" and pocket the cash.

Parcelforce will invent a new level of pricing higher than "extortionate" to cover the cost and the world will keep on turning.

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Facebook urges public exposure in 'privacy' revision

Bernie 2

meh

Well I was finally curious enough to check this out for myself (I rarely log in to Facebook otherwise). My recommended settings were the old ones in every case and mousing over the buttons gave me details of what the "old" settings are.

Having confirmed the change (or lack thereof) I can still go to the privacy menu and change settings if needs be, exactly as before.

Basically, nothing has changed. This seems to be a way to get people who already don't care about privacy to explicitly agree to relinquish it.

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Bernie 2

freely-shared data "makes it easier for people to find and learn about you"

Well that's not sinister is it?

Call me cynical but I recon anyone going to the trouble of finding me and learning about me probably wants to do something bad to me.

When was the last time a stranger collected a whole bunch of info about you then used it to do something really nice and thoughtful for you?

That's what I thought.

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Manchester journo gets first ID card - late

Bernie 2

top notch security

so how do these new cards work to identify me?

"well we give you a list of 20 trivia questions to fill out, you know, in case you lose all your fingers and your face at the same time and you need to prove who you are to get into hospital, they can just ask you who your uncle is and Bob's your uncle they'll run a cross reference and let you through in about 15 to 20 minutes"

lol

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Villagers revolt over BT chairman's broadband

Bernie 2

The real story here...

...most of us have faster broadband than the chairman of BT.

The very notion brings a smile to my face.

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New 'reversible' paralysis-ray turns victims blue, flaccid

Bernie 2

So not a "paralysis-ray" at all, then?

Just a UV lamp.

The real "science" is in the UV reactive poison, which manages to be both sinister and extremely pointless at the same time.

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iPhone worm hacker gets death threats, job offers

Bernie 2

Death threats.

Wow. How very, very sad must you be to threaten someone with death for changing your phone's wallpaper?

Okay it's lame and annoying but death threats? I know most death threats are pretty empty but even so.

I hope I never meet anyone so emotionally bankrupt that their phones wallpaper is getting them irate, rather than say, anything that actually matters in the real world.

What's more, it's THEIR fault for modifying their equipment without a care in the world for the consequences. Some people are just so dumb.

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Dirty, dirty PCs: The X-rated picture guide

Bernie 2

Who are these amateurs who have broken PCs by cleaning them?

I regularly SHOWER heatsinks, fan still attached, then put them back in the PC after minimal drying. (outside completely dry, but some small water droplets still trapped between the blades)

It really is the fastest and most comprehensive way to get the dust out. Might not be so good for the fan's bearings but I'll be damned if I can give a crap.

Oh and BTW, if you break your PC, I never told you it was a good idea. Okay?

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MS forensics tool leaks onto the web

Bernie 2
Linux

"What's to say that the bad guys couldn't analyse COFEE...

...and write their own code which neutralises it (or wipes sensitive data from their computer)"

What's to say the bad guys couldn't use an OS that won't dump all your most sensitive data onto a USB flash drive "in a fraction of the time the process would normally require".

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Xbox 360 Twitter, Facebook clients rated X

Bernie 2

Does anyone really want to use Facebook on their Xbox?

Do they really? Really do they?

Last I checked entering even a short "Twitter style" sentence was an epic mission using the Xbox controller (that's not a criticism - it was designed for games after all). Besides, anyone with Xbox Live has a PC anyway (would you subscribe to broadband just for a games console? Would you really? Really would you?) So why not use your keyboard and save yourself the hassle?

And assuming you have some hitherto undiscovered mental condition that means you actually do want to use FB/Twitter on your Xbox, and you don't meet the age requirement, you can always lie. Kids are getting GCSEs almost entirely off the back of cheating and plagiarism, they're not going to think twice before ticking the "I'm over 18" checkbox.

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Eat my dust - it's time for Comment of the Week

Bernie 2
Paris Hilton

That's nothing

I once met a lady of the night in an old brick works.

There was a thick layer of brick dust in ... never mind.

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Early adopters bloodied by Ubuntu's Karmic Koala

Bernie 2
Linux

Installed 9.10 last night

I wiped my 9.04 install and created a fresh ext4 partition for 9.10. The live disc worked fine but once installed I had this bug too. All I had to do to fix it was install the drivers for my GeForce 8600 and reboot. Which begs the question; why were they not installed?

I've only used 9.10 for a few hours so far, not long at all, but so far I'm not overly impressed. It doesn't strike me as being any faster or more responsive than 9.04. Firefox actually seems a little slower.

The difference in boot times is negligible but shutdown is a lot faster (that could be because I haven't mounted my Windows shares yet, 9.04 was shutting down the network before attempting to unmount the shares, and coming into problems of course)

I've noticed one or two minor bug fixes but nothing major. I've still got plenty of configuration to do before it's truly my system again, so maybe I'll be more impressed when I'm done.

At the moment however I'd recommend not bothering if you're happy with 9.04.

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Firefox nabs 30 million users in eight weeks

Bernie 2

wait, what?

"The org then multiplies that number by three"

How did the land on 3? Is that just the number they needed to multiply it by to get to the number of users they wanted to say they have?

As you can see I have 5 years work experience but if you multiply that number by 3 to account for any days I may have worked in a previous life, I actually have 15 years experience. That, and I'm a qualified statistician.

What a load of old bollocks.

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Facebook enshrines dead people profiles

Bernie 2

Plus

It's only a matter of time before legions of dead Facebook users are given the vote or something.

Scarcely a news article goes by these days that doesn't mention some shite joke Facebook group as if it were important. No doubt dead people will remain affiliated to these groups and It's only a matter of time before politicians start using them to make important decisions.

Kill me now

Wait... that would make me part of the problem.

They've got our balls in a vice here.

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Bernie 2
Big Brother

They must have got this idea from my Facebook status

I joked that they would need to create a "Gravebook" when my generation starts dying.

Having someones whole social life online and then not really knowing when they die or what to do with their profile if they are dead is a problem. I say delete all accounts that haven't been accessed in 3 months and be done with it.

Heaven forbid they actually erase someone's personal information though, then they couldn't sell it to shady marketing companies and government agencies.

Take off and nuke Facebook from space, it's the only way to be sure.

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Guardian loses half a million CVs

Bernie 2
Thumb Down

worrying

Recruitment agencies and job sites seem to be passing our details around like Pokemon cards at an eight year old's birthday party. Would be nice if one of these losers could stop playing Tetris and actually find someone a job while they're at it.

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Windows 95 to Windows 7: How Microsoft lost its vision

Bernie 2
Headmaster

@ Grant Alexander

"How did we get from Windows 3 to Windows 7? Windows 95=4, 98=5, 2000=6, XP=7, Vista=8. I have been merciful and left out ME."

Actually Windows 9x, 2000 and ME are all different versions of Windows 4.

Windows 3

Windows 4 (95 - 2000)

Windows 5 (XP)

Windows 6 (Vista)

Windows 7

At least that's how I understand it.

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New police crime-mapping system crashes on first outing

Bernie 2
Thumb Up

Even as we speak they are bringing in additional hamsters

to keep throughput up in the web servers.

Run hammy run!

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E-Wolf unveils extreme sports e-car

Bernie 2
Thumb Up

Front end, nice

Back end, not so much.

Still, it's a damn sight nicer than the milk floats most companies are pitching.

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Sony designs 360° 3D TV

Bernie 2
Pint

the point being?

has anyone ever said "this new 40" set is great but I can't seem to see the picture when I'm standing behind it, I wish it had a 360 degree viewing angle"?

Are there families who would place their TV in the middle of a room and then all sit around it in a circle if only it were technically possible? Wouldn't wanna visit their place for dinner

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UK taxpayers hit by wave of tax refund scam mail

Bernie 2

Phishing

I don't know how anyone falls for phishing these days, as you're likely to get phishing emails for 10 different banks you don't use before they send you one that applies to your bank. Even the most idiotic user will be wise to it by then, surely?

Same goes for the tax return ones;

"On Monday the IRS wanted my details, now HMRC do as well. That's not suspicious at all even though the emails are otherwise identical. Better respond to it now.

// There is a pigeon in your bank account, sir. We need your bank account number and sort code so that we can get access to the vault and remove it.

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Boffins 'write directly to memory' of living brains

Bernie 2

if only

flies could remember where the opening in the window is, and use simple logic to fly out the same way they came in.

too much to ask I know.

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Hitachi Data Systems fingered in Sidekick disaster

Bernie 2
Coat

Cue the circus music

and imagine Microsoft, Danger, Hitachi, T Mobile etc chasing each other in circles around the server room.

doo do doo doo do do do do, do do

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Hotmail phish exposes most common passwords

Bernie 2

if your passwrod is "123456"

then your account isn't worth stealing anyway.

What are the scammers going to do with the hotmail login details for 10,000 larger louts and dole dossers?

Yeah there's BIG MONEY to be had pillaging their overdrawn bank accounts.

/now that's sarcasm.

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CCTV website recruits video vigilantes

Bernie 2
Thumb Down

dumbest idea ever

So a company has installed an expensive IP CCTV system, now they're expected to cheap out and pay £20 a month for "someone" to watch the cameras and (maybe) report any crimes?

And why must it be via txt message? These live streams are fed over the internet to a web browser, no? Why not have a "report" button under the feed, that way the time stamp can automatically be captured and uploaded along with a picture from the camera. It wouldn't even cost the user any money to report a crime. When you realise that of course, you realise why they are so desperate to use txt messages. Nice.

And what sane person would volunteer to do this anyway? You'll get a lot of voyeurs signing up to begin with, but sooner rather than later people are going to get bored and give up.

They might as well rent some space in an empty warehouse, fill it with dirty ovens and say "FREE OVEN CLEANING, CLEAN THE MOST OVENS AND YOU GET £1000 (maximum of 3 ovens per person)"

what a scam.

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Hospital loses vital cancer research to thieves

Bernie 2
Thumb Down

To say that the software only exists...

on that one PC is pure FUD. Whoever developed it will still have a copy, unless he too is monumentally stupid and incompetent

I think it's far more likely that the NHS don't actually know what "software" is and they are in fact referring to the results of the research they were carrying out.

To both:a) not back it up, and, b) leave the computer in such a way that anyone can walk in off the street and take it, and still expect their data to be safe is powerfully stupid.

Thanks to their lack of foresight, what was £600 worth of stolen hardware will now cost the tax payer £1000s worth of manpower as well.

Will they back up their research next time? Probably not. Lightning doesn't strike twice after all.

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Demon splurges details of 3,600 customers in billing email

Bernie 2
FAIL

Passwords in a .csv file?

In plain text as well presumably? Wow sounds really secure.

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Peugeot looks to 1940s for quirky e-car design

Bernie 2
Thumb Down

Perhaps the ugliest car I've ever seen

Why are e-car manufacturers putting so much effort into making cars look "quirky" as opposed to making them look "good"?

Okay it's new technology and they've got the chance to make it look a bit futuristic but they seem to be imagining a future where everyone is blind or something.

And why are none of these cars ever bigger than a golf cart? Oh yeah because e-cars are crap.

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Microsoft harries XP-loving biz customers on to Windows 7

Bernie 2
Thumb Up

@ AC 13:35

"Any admin worth his salt started testing Windows 7 6 months ago and will therefore be ready to roll out any time now"

Yes because an Admin's job is to make sure the company always has the latest version of everything no matter what.

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Asus' Eee keyboard out next month - official

Bernie 2

how about a touchpad instead?

Is that the touchscreen to the right where the number pad should be?

I suppose the idea is to use it like a touchpad instead of a mouse but it just doesn't seem practical. Maybe it'd be cheaper to just have a large multitouch touchpad instead. That would be useful and it wouldn't force you to tilt your head to the right and squint all the time.

@ Matt 89 "With standard mapping, it's [the Windows key's] sole purpose is to open the start menu."

You haven't actually used Windows before have you ;)

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New iPod nano torn to pieces

Bernie 2

And it still doesn't come with a built in cheese-grater

Apple have really missed a trick.

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Ageing Google supersizes its search box

Bernie 2

It's amazing how many people will complain about literally anything

"How dare they change it, I thought I had left the page zoomed in but it turned out I hadn't, now I don't have to zoom in to the page any more because they have done it for me, naturally this makes me very angry. I spent 2 seconds of my life that I will never get back thinking my monitor was faulty, if this is a practical joke I don't think it's funny"

etc

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Florida cops cage 'Dracula'

Bernie 2

The goggles,

they do nothing

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Philips waves farewell to point-and-press remote controls

Bernie 2

meh

“as if they were actually touching them”, Philips claimed.

Touching who?

It's not the number of buttons that chaps my ass, it's the speed (or lack thereof) with which the average TV set responds to controls these days.

You always have to wait a good few seconds for it to turn on or change the channel, when your show is about to start it feels like a good few minutes. Press the wrong button by accident and you're inconvenience for twice as long.

Why couldn't they fix that problem rather than slavishly copying the Wiimote?

Even CRTs can warm up before LCDs seem to be able to "boot up", and both of the big screen TVs in my house have actually crashed at some point. Do they run Windows?

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Tesco gets Flash of Silverlight in 'virtual DVD' deal

Bernie 2

So...

It's the same video streaming tech we've had for years only it runs on crappy software no one has or wants.

Sounds tempting

/sarcasm.

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Microsoft tells US retailers Linux is rubbish

Bernie 2
Pint

Windows vs Linux

I grew up on Windows but now my affiliation lies with Linux, with which I have relatively little experience.

I use Ubuntu, and have used XP and Vista (but not Win7 - I just don't care any more) and they each have their pros and cons. I'm not going to BS anyone that either OS is better. If I had the money I'd happily give OSX a fair trial too.

These marketing materials are only putting into print what the majority of Windows users (and by extension the majority of PC users) have thought for years. The majority of users think Linux is shit. And it's an opinion they will hold vehemently without having a shred of actual knowledge on the subject. Do I want those people on board with Linux? No not really.

All MS is doing is putting their target markets opinion into words and printing it up for the sales reps (as if they don't already know?) And that's just good marketing tbh.

I do find it amusing that Windows Live doesn't work on Linux. Can anyone guess what made me switch to Ubuntu? That Live stuff thoroughly bolloxed up my Vista install. Nice.

/Beer because that's what I was drinking when I wrote this

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Firefox 4.0 developers granted year of living dangerously

Bernie 2
Thumb Down

Why no menu bar?

Why are all the big software companies doing this?

"Right we're going to make version X faster and more stable, oh, and you know that menu bar that gives users easy access to all the features? - it's gotta go"

"But it's worked just fine for over a decade"

"You're not thinking outside of the box. Our users want blue sky cloud thinking to interconnect twitter new media solutions top down tier marketing, we are at the forefront of digitally applied gross learning pathways with retro futuristic portfolio planning potentials plus potent pivotal products ..."

Sometimes I am physically disgusted that these people actually get paid.

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Lawsuit seeks to tag WGA nagware as spyware

Bernie 2
Thumb Down

And WGA doesn't stop piracy anyway

Like all good anti piracy measures, it's people with a legitimate licence who are hardest hit by it.

Such measures are inevitably cracked, with the necessary tools and tricks being shared freely on the internet for anyone willing to look.

Meanwhile it's the legitimate users who have to put up with the validations/copyright warnings/DRM time and time again having paid for a licence.

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Labour calls for free Wi-Fi on trains

Bernie 2

@ Lionel Baden

"but i like the idea of truly anon access though"

Not if each bus has it's own IP address.

Busses in London all have CCTV and Oyster card readers .So seeing who was using a laptop on the bus at a certain time, then finding out that persons identity, would be trivial.

Even if everyone on the bus was using a laptop, how hard would it be for the cops to run a background check on 30 people? Do you recon they'd not bother?

Then check the MAC addresses of any seized goods equipment against the DHCP log and bingo.

No one is anonymous in this country anymore.

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Bernie 2

@ Lionel Baden

I do of course realise that this article is about Scotland - and I don't know what kind of surveillance their busses have. But the same thing is possible, they have only to implement it.

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HP strikes back on charges for 'free' Windows 7 upgrade

Bernie 2

For £27 S&H

I'd expect to receive the disc within an hour of placing my order.

Is that what happens?

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Anti-virus forgetfulness fubars Fox forecast

Bernie 2
Pint

lol Norton

Security Salesman: "Some people would recommend a pretty system that looks good but doesn't offer any real protection."

Homer Simpson "ooooh lets get that!"

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How to hack a Sony Reader

Bernie 2
Thumb Down

wrong

"Book buffs elsewhere have to content themselves with other e-book readers"

WRONG! Book buffs don't use ebooks. ;)

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BT's giant new faster broadband boxes blocked

Bernie 2

Anything that makes it hard...

for career mums to push those articulated lorries they call prams down the street is a good thing in my book.Make them 100 meters tall and 3 meters wide with a big middle finger drawn on the front.

If people can have a selfish "my baby is more important than everyone I inconvenience on a daily basis" attitude then BT can have a selfish "decent internet speed is more important than your baby" attitude.

QED

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Apple tablet spooks world of PCs

Bernie 2
Thumb Down

I've got one

it's crap

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Apple says jailbroken iPhones endanger cell towers

Bernie 2
Coat

Someone could crash the cell phone tower?

Nooooooooooooooooooo

Then what will ignorant people use to tell their relatives "I'M JUST ON THE TRAIN NOW I'LL BE HOME IN 20 MINUTES, NO, THE TRAIN, THE TRAIN, THE TRAIN, YEAH THE PERSON NEXT TO ME STINKS LIKE SH..."

How will society cope?

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