* Posts by Allan George Dyer

1580 posts • joined 12 Jun 2009

Sysadmin figures out dating agency worker lied in his profile

Allan George Dyer
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Re: Bless....

@Dog11 - "How else to make a front panel with lettering that looks silkscreened?"

Mirror-image print on acetate sheet?

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San Francisco's sinking luxury Millennium Tower: Tilt spotted FROM SPACE

Allan George Dyer
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Joke

@MNGrrrl: "Nobody has tried something like this before"

Well, not since Atlantis, you can find the original engineer's report and planning permission buried in soft peat at the local planning office.

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Allan George Dyer
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Re: Timber!

@jake - I think we need to know the size of a qualifying earthquake first, we don't want you dropping a feather next to your seismograph and running off with the pot...

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Drops the mic... Hang on, hackers could be listening through my headphones?

Allan George Dyer
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Re: Odd

"Sssh!, not so loudly."

Too late, HAL's already reading your lips on the webcam.

I'll get my spacesuit... with the helmet.

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You want SaaS? Don't bother, darling, your kind can't afford it

Allan George Dyer
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Black Helicopters

Re: Wrong way round

Or they changed from the default locale, but it silently resets on every update... or possibly, whenever it feels like it.

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Signal security revealed: A triple-Diffie-Hellman with a double ratchet

Allan George Dyer
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Re: Capture the message post decryption...

... why bother with malware?

Obligatory xkcd

The coat with the heavy object in the pocket, thanks.

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CompSci Prof raises ballot hacking fears over strange pro-Trump voting patterns

Allan George Dyer
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Re: Vote Fraud? Are you CRAAAZY?

You've missed the point - it's not the Democrats that are calling "Vote fraud", it's some academic saying, "this looks odd". It's been shown that many of the machines can be hacked, he's asking, were they hacked?

The underlying question is why the USA tolerates insecure voting machines, but Trump it seems is also uninterested in this when the results favour him.

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Deliver-oops! Takeaway pusher's customers burger-ed by hijackers

Allan George Dyer
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Paris Hilton

Re: Only just saw proof they are bunch of cowboys

On a bicycle? What happened to his horse?

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User needed 40-minute lesson in turning it off and turning it on again

Allan George Dyer
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Trollface

Re: Witless idiots

"Error messages should be short enough and clear enough to be remembered."

Ah - like "PC LOAD LETTER" then?

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Allan George Dyer
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Re: Can you hold down the power button

@Terry 6 - "drivers have no idea how to top-up the jets" either you have some seriously overpowered cars where you are, or you're looking for the word "pilots".

Hoist by your own petard - you did say not to use jargon terms.

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KCL staff offered emotional support, clergy chat to help get over data loss

Allan George Dyer
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Joke

A fine tradition...

Nice to see KCL getting back to the vision of their founders, but perhaps a little more emphasis on the other half of their motto is required: Sancte et Sapienter "With Holiness and Wisdom". The backups are certainly holey, but where's the wisdom?

Disclosure: I'm a UCL Grad.

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Britain must send its F-35s to Italy for heavy overhauls, decrees US

Allan George Dyer
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Re: And after Brexit...

Not to mention the paperwork for importing/exporting weapons components...

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Computer glitches force US election poll stations to stay open for longer

Allan George Dyer
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Mushroom

Re: Election night live...

@Oengus - First comedy channel to hand out nuclear launch codes... watch out for the punch line!

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What a bee-lief! UK's asian hornet outbreak is over ... for now

Allan George Dyer
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If they come from France, do they use tiny guillotines?

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Leaks password, check. Leaks Wi-Fi password, check. Can be spoofed, check. Ding! We have an Internet of S**t winner

Allan George Dyer
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Re: Which is exactly why I build mine out of Raspberries and Bananas

AC, IanRS - you two are a right pear.

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Six on capacitor charges

Allan George Dyer
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Shocking!

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Hm, is that a minefield? Let me just throw my magic bomb-sniffing spinach over there

Allan George Dyer
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And Spinach Harvester now outranks Alligator Wrestler on the World's Most Dangerous Jobs list.

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F-35 'sovereign data gateway' will stop US reading pilots' personal data? Yeah right

Allan George Dyer
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"automatically orders spare parts"

If that includes printer ink, they might have some really big bills...

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Boffins predict web scams with domain registration data

Allan George Dyer
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Paris Hilton

"Scammers also watch out for registrars bulk discounts"

Am I just being terminally dim? Who has a legitimate need for bulk registration of domains?

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Chinese electronics biz recalls webcams at heart of botnet DDoS woes

Allan George Dyer
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FAIL

Recalling "some of the products it had sold in the US"

See icon.

More to do with lawsuits than actually solving the problem.

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Is this the worst Blockchain idea you've ever heard?

Allan George Dyer
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Re: Fundamental point of blockchains

Wait - someone trusts the banks and government?

Mine's the one with the tinfoil hat and barter goods in the pocket.

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Allan George Dyer
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Re: An immutable record, you say...

Where can I get their music?

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What will happen when I'm too old to push? (buttons, that is)

Allan George Dyer
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Flame

Re: Not being old

"Most are the opposite" - I'm not sure about "most", which leads to the next problem, we've got all these bloody coloured lights, flashing or not flashing (at indeterminate intervals so sometimes you're waiting, trying to decide whether or not it is flashing), trying to TELL US SOMETHING, but I DON'T KNOW WHAT and the sodding things are "labelled" as a raised black plastic icon on a BLACK BACKGROUND that I don't recognise even after I've used an oblique light to highlight the shape.</rant>

I think I'll go and lie down, my charger is signalling in morse that my phone is about to catch fire and my router is flirting with with my air conditioner.

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Today is the 211th anniversary of the Battle of Trafalgar

Allan George Dyer
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Re: Image of "Here Nelson Fell 21st Oct 1805" on HMS Warrior

Bloody hell... you say the HMS Warrior crew have stolen the deck from HMS Victory! Keelhaul the blaggards!

(HMS Warrior was only launched in 1860, Nelson never stood on it. It is also iron-hulled and still afloat, not far from HMS Victory's dry dock)

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AI, AI, captain: Royal Navy warships to set sail with computer officers

Allan George Dyer
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Re: Wrong Ship

I'm too slow... here, have a photo:

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/2a/HMS_Victory_2015.jpg

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AI software should be able to register its own patents, law prof argues

Allan George Dyer
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Paris Hilton

Hang on...

if only a human individual can file as the inventor, why are patents mostly owned by companies, and used to obstruct competitors?

Just let the AIs register as patent lawyers, that's where the money is.

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Marmite's not the only national treasure hit by Brexit. Will someone think of the PCs?

Allan George Dyer
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Re: Act now!

"you cannot change your ethnic origin" - That would be "European Royalty" for Mrs Elizabeth Saxe-Coburg Gotha. I think a case could be made for designating them as a separate ethnic minority.

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Forget malware, crooks are cracking ATMs the old-fashioned way – with explosives

Allan George Dyer
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Re: Jake

@Ellipsis - I was with you until, "nothing to do with some perceived risk", 28 ATM logical attacks is not nothing, and it rose from 5 the previous year. It's small compared to the ATM physical attacks, and the physical attacks are lower than the ATM fraud, but "nothing" is a very specific quantity.

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Aussie Aussie Aussie, oi oi oi you, you're fired: Apple sacks staff secretly snapping shoppers

Allan George Dyer
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Paris Hilton

No trouble getting a new job...

I've heard the NSA has positions for this skill-set.

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Casino cops are coming if we can't move all this cash in a hurry

Allan George Dyer
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Holmes

Awesome, truely awesome

We've had so many 'ventilation blocked by X' stories, but I don't think anything: dust, manure, deceased rodents; will beat this.

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Wi-Fi baby heart monitor may have the worst IoT security of 2016

Allan George Dyer
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Trollface

Re: Prize winning security

It would have to be a weekly daily award...

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FT journo roasts channel leaders for spouting bullshit

Allan George Dyer
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"We’re constantly focusing on innovating." - so their autofocus is broken, and all the innovation is fuzzy?

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Stingy sapphire lens in Apple's iPhone 7 is as scratchy as glass

Allan George Dyer
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Paris Hilton

Liquid copper for cooling?

That really does run hot!

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Should Computer Misuse Act offences committed in UK be prosecuted in UK?

Allan George Dyer
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Well, not before the name...

@Prst. V.Jeltz - Try China: 中國, usually translated as "Middle Kingdom", implying "the centre of civilisation, everything else is barbarians". Or one that no longer exists: the Holy Roman Empire.

Would you count putting "Democratic" in your name as boasting?

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Source code unleashed for junk-blasting Internet of Things botnet

Allan George Dyer
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Re: Our only hope?

@Roland6 - You forgot the joke icon, right?

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Allan George Dyer
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Joke

Our only hope?

No-one's going to update these insecure IoT devices that are already installed, and there will always be new insecure devices being sold by the latest manufacturers at the lowest possible price.

Our only hope is to make the exploits known, release the source code, and rely on competing groups of miscreants spreading the DDoS more-or-less evenly over their targets, diluting the effect. The internet equivalent of the Bangkok rush hour... everyone gets to work... eventually.

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UK will build new nuclear bomb subs, says Defence Secretary

Allan George Dyer
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Joke

Successor class

So called because it Sucks?

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Allan George Dyer
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@Lost all faith... But what makes you think that nuclear devastation will deter Kim from doing anything? NK is a strong counter-argument to the MAD doctrine.

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User couldn't open documents or turn on PC, still asked for reference as IT expert

Allan George Dyer
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But... but... uptime

obligatory xkcd: https://xkcd.com/705/

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Allan George Dyer
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Re: Back in the day...

Once called by a user about a new external floppy drive that wasn't working... took me 5 minutes to find the rocker switch carefully recessed in the overhanging base.

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Panasonic wants you to wear Li-Ion batteries. The ones that explode

Allan George Dyer
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Windows

Re: PCMCIA

Hold on, I've got a PCMCIA ISDN (I Still Don't Know) card around here somewhere...

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Smartphone lost on QANTAS 'began hissing, emitting smoke and making orange glow'

Allan George Dyer
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They need removable side-panels...

so it's easy to retrieve crushed phones and severed fingers. As a bonus, use a wipe-clean surface - blood stains are notoriously difficult to get out of fabric.

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US govt pleads: What's it gonna take to get you people using IPv6?

Allan George Dyer
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Re: Article needs puppy dog face

@Number6 - "perhaps if people started voting with their routers"

Sure, each time my 2-year contract nears its end, for the past... 8, 10? years, I'm not sure, I've asked around for ISPs IPv6 plans. So far, they have progressed from, "what's that" to "no plans" and "take a look at our really expensive premium service". Of course, they charge for fixed IPv4 addresses, can you spell "conflict of interest"?

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High rear end winds cause F-35A ground engine fire

Allan George Dyer
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Facepalm

At least with the Pinto there actually needed to be a collision at the rear end.

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Lethal 4-hour-erection-causing spiders spill out of bunch of ASDA bananas

Allan George Dyer
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Re: insect pedantry

@Ken Hagen - I ordered a bowl of shrimps, and it was FULL of arthropods!

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Allan George Dyer
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Re: Your arse

@x 7 - Sorry, I call fake. If it was a real durian, you wouldn't say "saw". You wouldn't need to get that close.

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National Cyber Security Centre to shift UK to 'active' defence

Allan George Dyer
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Facepalm

Re: Bows and arrows against the lightning...

@Chris King - sounds like you're guilty of "disagreeing with the Government", and are therefore a terrorist.

The only hope we have is government incompetence.

So, no worries.

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You call it 'hacking.' I call it 'investigation'

Allan George Dyer
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It isn't working...

When a bank asks me for my DoB to verify my identity, I've taken to demanding that they send me a birthday present at the appropriate time. Sadly, this hasn't resulted in an increase in the number of presents I receive.

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Rise of the Machines at Sea: The British firm building robot boats

Allan George Dyer
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Joke

Re: Thanks a lot, ASV Global!

Well, there are theories that the inhabitants of the Isle of Wight are a different species, but...

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