* Posts by cornz 1

1866 posts • joined 11 Jun 2009

US Congress locks and loads three anti-encryption bullets

cornz 1
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Re: Dear America

No one cares, just fucking do it.

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Firemen free chap's todger from four-ring chokehold

cornz 1
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@ Frumious Bandersnatch Re: Oh dear sir,

Again, someone who clearly has a comprehension issue between accident and idiot.

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cornz 1
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@ Fred Didnah Re: Oh dear sir,

It would appear you seem to consider skiers, hang glider-ists as idiots. I do not. I consider muppets who go out on a Saturday night, end up in a drunken brawl or decide to play chicken with cars as idiots.

Accidents are exactly that, unforeseen happenings. Getting pissed up is something you can easily avoid.

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cornz 1
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Re: Oh well, in that case:

Wait: I'm not through, there's one more, Purple helmet warrior!!!

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cornz 1
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Re: Oh dear sir,

FAO down voters:

The next time you are rushed into hospital because either yourself, friend, family etc need immediate and live saving medical care and you hear this coming from down a corridor "i'll tek the fuggin lorra you's on ya bastards" and some pissed up fuck wit is causing a scene which prevents your family member, friend, etc from being treated, remember this little tale...

Idiots who self inflict either through drink, drugs or just being fucking idiots do NOT deserve first line care. Fuck em and let em wait.

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cornz 1
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Oh well, in that case:

Beef Bayonet

Pork Sword

Ankle Slapper

Kidney Cracker

Hot beef / pork injection.

Search out Weird Al and his parody "Pet names for genetalia". Plenty more there

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cornz 1
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Oh dear sir,

I'm terribly sorry but we have had 3 people with heart attacks, 2 with suspected bleeds on the brain and a stabbing.

You will have to sit there, and WAIT, quietly, whilst we deal with the REAL emergencies you sad, pathetic thrill seeking little cock-fruit.

*Oh, it may startt to turn black, sadly there wont be any additional size increase with that.

*debunked myth, added for comic effect.

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Microsoft's 200 million 'Windows 10' 'devices' include Lumias, Xboxes

cornz 1
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This:

"and 2.5 billion questions asked of its Cortana digital assistant".

of which 2.49 billion were how to turn the fucking useless privacy invading bint off.

Ask "her" for Alsager Leisure Centre, "she" will accept that but then find the Victoria Community Centre.

Utterly hopeless unless you want to end up in the wrong place.

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cornz 1
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Re: But Xboxes are selling very well

@Timmy B

And your evidence for that is what? Your opinion???

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cornz 1
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Re: fudging the figures

Oh look, every one of us has down voted you.

Lions dont lose sleep over the opinion of sheep.

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Assange will 'accept arrest' on Friday if found guilty

cornz 1
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@ Pleeb Smasher Re: Don't like his chances

They wont until he is "freed" then, the first chance they get, they will have him on some technicallity.

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Windows 10 will now automatically download and install on PCs

cornz 1
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Re: I wish they would force me to upgrade my Vista laptop.

go to:

my digital life forums.

Search out "Windows 7 repository"

Everything (including SLIC2.1 modded BIOS's) is there.

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cornz 1
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Sorry:

Had to hijack:

Lilipution Snot Weasel...

ROFL...

I SO want that error as an .SCR I can plant on some of the numpties I deal with to prove that users DO just click on anything because as sure is eggs is eggs, they will flat out deny that THEY have given crapware.exe permission to install....

** I did have a program that put up fake, meaningless error messages but it was back in the days of win98.

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Rooting your Android phone? Google’s rumbled you again

cornz 1
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Hmm, Galaxy tablet S3

still allowing rooted payments. Ok, i know its not a phone but what the fuck does the inclusion or ommision of a GSM module matter??

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Lincolnshire council IT ransomware flingers asked for ... £350

cornz 1
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Zero Day Exploit

My big fat white yorkshire arse.

More likely some big cheese demanded he didnt have the restrictions foisted upon mere mortals, or, the AV software was out of date.

Either way, guffaw....

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UK Home Sec wants Minority Report-style policing – using your slurped data

cornz 1
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The sooner

the poisonous bitch is either expunged by voters or her own incompetence the better.

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This gun says you ain’t leaving until my PC is fixed

cornz 1
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Re: Similar

A gentle reminder that at £300 per hour of part thereof usually makes the "problem" go away...

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cornz 1
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Re: Re:stage props: lightweight construction, no sharp or pointy bits?

Cobblers: Most stage weapons are fibre glass, polystyrene or plastic. They "pull" their blows merely to stop damaging the expensive to produce props.

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Can't upgrade, won't upgrade: Windows Mobile's user problem

cornz 1
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Quite Frankly

The utter cluster-fuck that is Windows 10 deserves every bit of dung being flung at it.

It's forcefully stopped from encroaching on ANY thing i own, anything immediate family members own and all my mates gear (as i'm their tech support).

Before the downvotes, check my post history, you'll see i have been one of MS biggest advocates (not shill!) but there is only so much i can take...

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ICO says TalkTalk customers need to get themselves a lawyer

cornz 1
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Re: WalkWalk

People have short memories, in 6 months all this will have died down and another *10x4 customers will be banging on TT's door for phone and BB because they are *£1.50 a month cheaper than anyone else...

*random to illustrate a point.

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Brit censors endure 10-hour Paint Drying movie epic

cornz 1
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Well, you managed to get 3 of the letters right..

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US rapper slams Earth is Round conspiracy in Twitter marathon

cornz 1
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Re: The Levels of Delusion are strong in this one

There's a party in my ears.

Everyones been sick...

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Retailers urged to create 'CCTV-like' symbol to inform customers of mobile tracking

cornz 1
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Re: vulnerable

And I walk round with a device in my pocket that utterly obliterates that "feature".

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Capita hiring temps to cover for call centre redundancies – staff sources

cornz 1
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Capita

are nothing more than a cancerous growth that is being left unchecked to fester..

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Squeeze the banana to log into this office Wi-Fi

cornz 1
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I do hope

no public purse funds went into creating this pointless piece of shit.

I mean, this isnt worthy of the ignobel awards. It is simply a piece of crap and IF he had replaced the banana with a switch this wouldn't have even been a story.

No, a waste of time and effort that could have gone onto something actually useful.

The shit El Reg prints sometimes takes a lot of fathoming...

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How to help a user who can't find the Start button or the keyboard?

cornz 1
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Remembered:

Many many moons ago, we had a call from one of the business customer we had (im going back to when OCR was a fledgling tech) who simply couldn't get an image to scan. The new "secretary" was kicking off big time as the new shiny Canon system would NOT scan. Out I went, tested it with the MD present. All working correctly. When pushed to demonstrate how she was trying to scan, she was holding the document against the monitor screen and pressing the scan button on the software. The large machine on her desk making a noise with a bright light moving back and forth whenever she did so was, in her mind, was there merely to look good...

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cornz 1
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My personal input.

Customer: My little box that i click to launch my word processor has gone off my screen.

Me, Can you see the "my Computer" icon on the desktop?

Customer, what do you mean "Desktop"?

Me: The main picture on your screen where you launch your program from after your computer has started uo..

Customer. Oh yes, i think can see it.

Me, right can you put the mouse pointer over it and double click the left mouse button.

Customer. What does double click mean.

Me. Sigh, i'll come out...

Sometimes, the time spent pissing around on a phone call is wasted. Just go to the job..

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Five technologies you shouldn't bother looking out for in 2016

cornz 1
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Improved battery tech

Nothing happened there for 10 years. Yes batteries last a bit longer but the power density is still woefully inadequate for most things.

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The last time Earth was this hot hippos lived in Britain (that’s 130,000 years ago)

cornz 1
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Re: @Dave 126

Couldn't care less.

To care less implies you care in the first instance.

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Microsoft legal eagle explains why the Irish Warrant Fight covers your back

cornz 1
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Dear MS

Trying to placate the multitudes of users you have roundly pissed off with your incessant W10 tactics isn't going to cut much mustard in the "we value your privacy" argument.

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UK can finally 'legalise home taping' without bringing in daft new tax

cornz 1
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So, if i may ask..

How about DRM cd's dvd etc.

Is it now legal to circumvent DRM on media I legally own and can now legally back up??

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Amnesty International accuses tech giants of battery bastardry

cornz 1
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Sigh

Whilst ever we want our new shiny shiny tronic gadget pc laptop phablet toys, then this will not go away.

It will take a fundamental shift in portable power design to curtail illicit mining and dangerous mining.

Want it to stop? Stop buying things with lithium batteries. Is that ever going to happen? No...

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Adblock Plus blocked from attending ad industry talkfest

cornz 1
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Re: Keep on with the autoplaying auto-expanding video, sound, and light-show free-for-all

I have the adblock browser installed on my S3 tablet. Seems to work well!

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Att: Windows Phone owners: Win 10 Mobile has been spotted and it wants your phone

cornz 1
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I wonder if

the Nokia Home flash tool would revert it.

I've downloaded the image from nokia just in case.

Windows 8.1 on my Lumia 930 is lovely. On my laptop its not!!

Dunno if I wanna risk the upgrade. I'm a bit pissed at MS for their devious tactics and don't feel like being their lackey anymore..

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Windows 10 shattered Remote Desktop's security defaults – so get patching

cornz 1
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Re: Slow

Same here, the last half dozen reinstalls (w10>7) or just fresh 7 installs have taken *hours* to check for updates. I was beginning to wonder if adding the disable gwx registry key straight after the install but before updating was causing problems but it appears not...

Its now taking days to rebuild a laptop to ensure it is fully up to date..

OI, MS, My time is MY money, you are not going to coerce me into windows 10, not now, not ever. Accept it and let us Win7 diehards just fucking crack on will you...

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Windows 10 makes big gains at home, lags at work

cornz 1
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Re: Why keep reporting these stats @LocalZuk

Odd, nearly every person I know has moved to Windows 10 at home now. They certainly can't afford to move to Apple stuff!

Odd, nearly every person I know has been forcibly moved to Windows 10 at home now. They certainly can't afford to move to Apple stuff!

TFTFY

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Boozing is unsafe at ‘any level’, thunders chief UK.gov quack

cornz 1
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Creme de Menthe

is my nick name..

I'm a fancy French licker..

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cornz 1
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Looks like

a "brain damage". Half lager, half cider, shot of blue bols.

Tastes like lilt and gets you well rubbered...

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Happy new year, VW: Uncle Sam sues over engine cheatware

cornz 1
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Re: Dak, Dak, Dak....

Dacks=Trousers

Pants = underwear.

To our USA contingent, Pants are worn UNDER trousers.

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cornz 1
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Re: Bah!

@Stevie

get laid much?

Talk about sensitivity issues.

"Thirdly, if you were as clever as you so obviously think you are you would know all of this already and not get so bent out of shape over something this petty".

You should follow your own advice my fellow commentard.

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cornz 1
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Re: Bah!

Personally, i dont see why or how anyone is suprised that we have a group of Germans trying to gas us all.

PS, LITRE!!!!!

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Intel lobs out new Core m3/m5 Compute Sticks, shouts 'Fetch!'

cornz 1
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Re: Why two boxes?

Yes, but Wifi is way slower than a pice of CAT5 cable.

However, its the people moaning about the moulded HDMI plug thats making my shit itch. Just buy a cable from ebay for 99p inc postage you tight moaning bastards. It can then be placed where IR. BT, WIFI etc are then all in easy "reach".

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Call of Duty terror jabber just mindless banter

cornz 1
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Re: Not really mindless banter...

Which is why user generated audio is blocked both ways on my consoles.

Makes for a much more pleasant gaming experience.

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Bloke sues dad who shot down his drone – and why it may decide who owns the skies

cornz 1
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Re: Law in the UK is clearer.

They might not "qualify" but if you are inferring what i think you are inferring, then a good spraying of glyphosate applied at night will deal with your hedge problem...

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If you want a USB thumb drive wiped, try asking an arts student for help

cornz 1
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Yes

crappy cheap flash drives from flea bay will do that.

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Comcast's Xfinity home alarms can be disabled by wireless jammers

cornz 1
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Re: Even the simplest wired alarm system gives an alert on fault conditions.

1: Good luck getting in your own house.

2.Good luck keeping several loaded shotguns on your property and not getting a quick visit from an ARV and then spending 5 years at HMP

3. Are you even serious??? 240v DC???

Are the intelligent counters to your ill concieved ideas.

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cornz 1
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The wave bubble is a MASSIVELY complex piece of kit for the DIY'er. I know, mine is only half built after about 5 years.

The wave bubble does not send de-auth packets or anything like that, it simply floods the surrounding area (5-10 metres) with RF "white noise". The good thing about the bubble is that it is a programmable jammer and you can program a specific frequency to jam. They are, however, easier to buy from jammerfun or your other Chinese tat market

As for de-authing, a £60 wifi pineapple will happily deal with that...

Both items will fit in your pocket or a discreet plant pot...

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Here's your Linux-booting PS4, says fail0verflow

cornz 1
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Re: Great News

History proves otherwise.

As someone who has owned and chipped consoles since day one, Sony consoles have ALWAYS been more difficult to crack than the MS offering.

Wii? 5 wires.

PS2, 20 wires

Xbox, 10 wires

Ps3 50 wires

Xbox 360 no wires, just flash the DVD drive (admittedly, a bit harder now but still easier than a PS3)

PS4/XB1 no confirmed hacks out in the wild.

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Brit cuffed for Kyrgyz 'horse penis' sausage quip

cornz 1
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Re: No big deal

If you can see ANYTHING racist in there then you are inventing it.

OR you are some lily livered liberal whom takes offence at anything just because....

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Happy 2016, and here's the year's first ransomware story

cornz 1
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Re: ALL YOUR PERSONAL FILES HAS BEEN ENCRYPTED.

Whats needed is group of white hats to code something similar, but it doesn't demand money or destroy files.

It makes people go through all the hoops they would have to if they had fallen foul of a genuine ransomware scam but doesnt destroy data. Just scares the bejesus out of them. I bet you a LOT of people would suddenly wake up and copy all their pictures etc onto an offline removable disk...

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