* Posts by Mahatma Coat

1291 posts • joined 11 Jun 2009

Reg hack survives world's longest commercial flight

Mahatma Coat
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Re: Save time by flying

A jacket potato take 1.5 hours in an oven or 6 minutes in a microwave

Microwaved jacket spuds lack crispness for my taste so I use this method:

1. Turn oven on and let it heat up

2. While oven is heating put the spud in microwave for 10 minutes.

3. Remove spud from microwave and place in over for another 15 minutes.

Doesn't take long compared to a full oven job but the results are similar.

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Biologists gasp at lemur's improbably colossal bollocks

Mahatma Coat
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FAIL

Meh

Andrew Orlowski's articles have a larger percentage of bollocks.

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Subaru Outback Lineartronic: The thinking person’s 4x4

Mahatma Coat
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Facepalm

Re: "reliable, rugged, versatile all-terrain transport, you buy a Subaru."

Down votes? Euclid would not be amused.

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Mahatma Coat
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"reliable, rugged, versatile all-terrain transport, you buy a Subaru."

All-terrain, I assume, doesn't include mounting a kerb.

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Oi, UK.gov, your Verify system looks like a MASS SPY NETWORK

Mahatma Coat
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Re: Looks like, walks like, talks like...

I used the equivalent Bulgarian system for 5 years or thereabouts as it was the only means to get to my bank account

Is it just me or...

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DuckDuckGrow: Privacy search soars 600% after Snowden dumps

Mahatma Coat
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Other privacy-friendly search sites are available.

It's worth a look at unbubble.eu and Motherpipe.

Disclaimer: I have no idea if they are what they claim but that's true for all search engines today.

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British Library publishes Digital Magna Carta – written-by-web-vote because it's 2015

Mahatma Coat
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That last famous clause - which was used two centuries later to create trial by jury

Ummm.

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Wikipedia to go all HTTPS, all the time

Mahatma Coat
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Trollface

Re: Will there now be a "cash call" for implementing this?

Seems like every time one turns around, they're asking for money

One could read the article and one could also read the blog post that it references but I suspect one just wanted to whinge a bit about a very useful free service.

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Vintage Ask toolbar is malware – and we'll kill Jeeves, says Microsoft

Mahatma Coat
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Facepalm

It's a useful metric

When you see search toolbars on a punter's browser you immediately know it's going to be one of those days.

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Google wants you to buy Nest CCTV, turn your home into a Brillo pad

Mahatma Coat
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Devil

Some things things I will never do

Eat shit.

Vote for an authoritarian political party.

Drive the wrong way down a motorway.

Jump out of a plane (with or without a parachute).

Trust Google with anything.

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Shine a light on the rogue IT that hides in the company shadows

Mahatma Coat
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Facepalm

"you risk legal issues"

An IT friend has recently had this very thing to deal with. One dept bought a cloud-based CRM and didn't bother asking IT or legal about any potential problems. The biggest single issue is that customer data is stored overseas which just happens to break local laws. The idiot dept is also tied into a long contract too.

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Les unsporting gits! French spies BUGGED Concorde passengers

Mahatma Coat
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Thumb Up

Re: "with feeds fed to a multi-track recorder,"

Multi-tracks where huge in the 60s - in fact they where mostly huge in the 70's and 80's too.

You beat me to it.

"Hey, Pierre, slip this into an overhead locker, s'il vous plaît"

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Caterham 270S: The automotive equivalent of crack

Mahatma Coat
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Alert

It's good to see Caterham thinks of the passenger...

...and puts a few gauges over on their side of the dashboard.

Nice motor, though.

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ISIS command post obliterated after 'moron' jihadi snaps a selfie, says US Air Force

Mahatma Coat
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Alien

Re: Official Title

"Medieval butcher bastards ISIS"

This rag-tag army of 30,000 medieval butcher bastards is doing a pretty good job of avoiding complete destruction by billions of dollars worth of western might. The last couple of times the west steamed into Iraq they defeated the 200,000 strong* well-armed and trained Iraqi military in a matter of days.

* I can't be arsed to check the exact number but wasn't Iraq supposed to have the fifth biggest army on the planet?

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Patch-crazy Aust Govt fought off EVERY hacker since 2013

Mahatma Coat
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Boffin

What's that smell?

Ah yes, the smell of bollocks.

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Land Rover's return: Last orders and leather seats for Defender nerds

Mahatma Coat
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Re: safety

The last LR I had to put up with was a series 2 back in the early 80s

A car that went out of production in 1961. Good comparison.

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Web tracking puts lead in your saddlebags, finds Mozilla study

Mahatma Coat
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Re: Adblock and NoScript

Essential, but too much for the masses. I has a sad

Have a look at Bluhell Firewall instead of Adblock Plus. Totally idiot-proof. Install, forget, enjoy.

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UK data watchdog: Massive fines won't keep data safe

Mahatma Coat
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Devil

Money is no object

12 months in the Scrubbs picking up the shower block soap for Big Jim may have more impact.

Also imprison a few bankers and non-dom newspaper proprietors for good measure.

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Right Dabbsy my old son, you can cram this job right up your BLEEEARRGH

Mahatma Coat
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Happy

Re: Memory for names

I've always had a shocking memory for names.

About half my working life in the UK was as a freelance with about 100ish clients most of which were very small outfits but kept me busy for 60-70 hours per week. Come the Xmas piss up season I'd bump into most of them at various trade parties along with many other freelances that I'd occasionally work with. As a name-forgetter it was a nightmare. Eventually I figured out a method of avoiding social embarrassment.

Some total stranger would approach and say "Hey, Mr Coat, haven't seen you since that Merc production. How are you?" This person was probably a production assistant that made me a coffee on a half-day gig some 11 months earlier and I'm supposed to remember their name.

To avoid looking like a twat I'd just say "I'm good, thanks. Remind again me what your name is". They'd reply "Jim" or whatever so I'd say "I know your first name's Jim. How could I forget that when we had such a laugh on that gig? It's your second name I can't recall. I'm terrible with second names". The coffee-bringer then tells you their second name.

In a couple of seconds you've gone from socially incompetent tool to having their first and last names and restored your reputation as that nice freelance with the great social skills.

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Turkey president: Nuts to 4G networks, we're cutting straight to 5G

Mahatma Coat
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Coat

Re: I see your 5G

and raise you 6G.

Recep Tayyip Erdogan: The numbers all go to five. Look, right across the board, five, five, five and...

Marty DiBergi: Oh, I see. And most mobiles go up to four?

Recep Tayyip Erdogan: Exactly.

Marty DiBergi: Does that mean it's louder? Is it any louder?

Recep Tayyip Erdogan: Well, it's one louder, isn't it? It's not four. You see, most blokes, you know, will be talking at four. You're on four here, all the way up, all the way up, all the way up, you're on four on your mobile. Where can you go from there? Where?

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Election? Pah. Here's the REAL question: Who’s the SEXIEST MP?

Mahatma Coat
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Childcatcher

"Which MP would you rather have sex with?"

Not the one claiming Alzheimer's.

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Mozilla flings teddy out of pram over France's 'Patriot Act'

Mahatma Coat
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FAIL

Mozilla ? The same company who ship closed-source binary blobs in their web browser to support DRM ? People still listen to them ?

It took me all of 30 seconds to disable it in this browser. They also offer alternative versions without any DRM. That way people that want to watch DRM protected content can do so or not. It's called choice.

Talking of binary blobs, how's that Flash plugin in your non-Mozilla browser doing?

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Oz government to put dark fibre net on the auction block

Mahatma Coat
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Joke

150,000 km of fibre, 2 Tbps

So that's where the NBN has been hiding all these years.

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Who was downloading smut in the office while eating ice cream?

Mahatma Coat
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Happy

Old school: 16mm black and white film

The first proper job I had (1972) was at a small media company run by two brothers. Their old man had started the company years before but he died shortly before I joined.

One day some of the lads told me about his porn stash. Apparently the brothers had to raid his loft and retrieve said collection before their newly widowed mum had a chance to look up there. The boxes of 16mm black and white smut were taken back to base and kept in a cupboard in the workshop.

Much of it had deteriorated and just fell apart as it went through the gate but they rescued as much as possible and edited it into one reel. It was more of a comedy when they had finished. Shots zoomed into "certain areas" and when it pulled back it was a different two (or three or four) people.

It was proper vintage porn. Normal shaped people and no deforestation. And talking of trees, those buzzy plastic toys you see today were then made of carved and polished pine. Seriously old school. Adds new meaning to "got wood?"

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Theresa May: Right, THIS time we're getting the Snoopers' Charter in

Mahatma Coat
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Re: It's almost like...

I hear Canada is quite nice, and only warm for a few weeks of the year. Anyone know more?

Canada is very nice. It has the best bits of Blighty and the US. The thing is...

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Bruce Schneier's Data and Goliath – solution or part of the problem?

Mahatma Coat
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FAIL

Re: Someone didn't do their research

Just because the majority of the current populace don't identify themselves as Christian, doesn't change that.

Duh, read the numbers. 60.6% - the majority - identify as Christians. My point, which seems to have flown right over your head, is that Catholics outnumber Protestants in "Protestant Germany".

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Mahatma Coat
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Someone didn't do their research

Germany and the USA probably look identical: they’re Protestant Western countries

Religion in Germany, 2008 figures:

Protestant Evangelical Church 29.9%.

Roman Catholicism 30.7%.

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Mozilla to whack HTTP sites with feature-ban stick

Mahatma Coat
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Re: Eeejits!

More to the point, it just isn't worth the expense of a trusted certificate for the sort of sites I run.

Expense? How expensive is free?

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From Manchester to Microsoft – missing mum :-(

Mahatma Coat
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Britain’s roads

I’d miss the roads the most. They’re not very important, but just how well-thought-out the road system is in Redmond (but not Seattle) makes me grow frustrated with the single-lane, arbitrary squiggles of Britain’s roads.

Britain’s roads aren't arbitrary but may look so to someone that hasn't studied the history. 95% of the British roads existed before the advent of the motor car so obviously weren't "designed" for them. I've put the word designed in quotation marks because the roads and their unsurfaced ancestors simply took the path of least resistance - Roman roads aside - so that pedestrians, drovers and other traders didn't have to deal with gradients, rivers and so on.

You see a squiggle, I see a route around a big tree that didn't warrant being hacked down to save ten seconds of walking.

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Japan showcases really, really fast … whoa, WTF was that?!

Mahatma Coat
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Joke

"the UK's attempt at high-speed rail"

I can half understand HS2. The half where people want to leave Birmingham as quickly as possible.

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UN: E-waste's 42 MEELLLION tonnes represents 'valuable' (and ‘toxic’) urban mine

Mahatma Coat
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Re: "11.8 million tonnes from washing machines"

Washing machines typically contain large concrete blocks

We replaced our previous washing machine a couple of years ago. It was 15 years old and still worked well but a power surge destroyed it and anything else that wasn't plugged into a surge protector. But I digress.

The new washing machine doesn't have an concrete content. Balance during spin is maintained by four weighted and sprung steel rods.

As for electronic waste, we store all our old dead crap in the shed rather than dump it.

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BOFH: Explain? All we need is this kay-sh with DDR3 Cortexiphan ...

Mahatma Coat
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Headmaster

Kaysh

I still wince every time I hear an Antipodean mispronounce cache.

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UN inflicts 10,000 flat pack IKEA shelters on Iraq - WITHOUT TOOLS

Mahatma Coat
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Thumb Up

It would make sense to sell these to us non-refugees, at a hefty markup, to help reduce the cost of the ones going to more deserving types.

I'd still buy one if it was double the price. The extra profit could pay for one for refugee use. My last temporary accommodation rent bill was around $12k so everyone's a winner.

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Mahatma Coat
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$1,150?

$1,150 is a bargain. I'll have two and I'm not taking the piss. I was paying that for two weeks rent after the last big storm blew through here and damaged my house. You couldn't even hire a caravan or a portacabin for love nor money. I could keep two of these flat-packed in the garage ready for the next big storm.

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Belgium to the rescue as UK consumers freeze after BST blunder

Mahatma Coat
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Devil

"The schedule is correct but it doesn't obey!?!"

Machine doesn't obey you. You obey machine.

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Huawei networking kit gets the green light from Blighty's spooks

Mahatma Coat
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Big Brother

Re: So unsafe

we can be sure that it is UNSAFE

Backdoor added. Check.

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Dear departed Internet Explorer, how I will miss you ... NOT

Mahatma Coat
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Devil

"Spry Mosaic, crudely rebranded and very clumsily installed by CompuServe"

I feel your pain.

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Apple Safari update BORKED private browsing

Mahatma Coat
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Re: Probably not important

What sort of comment was that … ?

The troll avatar I used should have been a massive clue.

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Mahatma Coat
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Trollface

Probably not important

Apple owners only look at apple.com.

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Big Data shocker: Over 6 million Americans have reached the age of 112

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A privacy officer discusses a drawback to collecting personal information online

"We have a suspicious amount of 98-year-old Albanian millionaire grandmothers with Hotmail addresses who own 200-plus computers and head up a tech firm who are interested in reading our newspaper."

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Canadian bloke refuses to hand over phone password, gets cuffed

Mahatma Coat
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Coat

Re: CAN$25,000 (US$19,900)

Moreover, the Dominion of Canada is a British colony.

I love the Canadian national anthem.

Fines there should be expressed in pounds, shillings, pence and beaver pelts.

Nice beaver.

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Change of email address

Mahatma Coat
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Change of email address

I'd like to change the email address that I use for El Reg but I need a working address before I can change it (or that's how it was last time I checked). I stupidly used the same email supplier as Mr Snowden so I don't have access to that account any longer.

Any suggestions from the staff?

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Paul Allen hunts down sunken Japanese WWII super-battleship

Mahatma Coat
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Headmaster

"Using historical records from four different countries"

As opposed to records from four identical countries?

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National Rugby League boots 'metadata' right into Australia's face

Mahatma Coat
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Re: *cough*

Soccer... Football to your average Aussie is Rugby League or ARL

I could call golf something like "stick-ball-hole" but it's still golf.

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Mahatma Coat
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Headmaster

*cough*

Soccer Football.

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Sick of Chrome vs Firefox? Check out these 3 NEW browsers

Mahatma Coat
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Thumb Up

Re: WTF?

You beat me to it. Have an upvote instead.

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Tim Cook chills the spines of swingers worldwide

Mahatma Coat
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Thumb Down

the wrist-wearing gizmo would nag sedentary people once an hour...

...to throw their new watch at the wall.

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(Re)touching on a quarter-century of Adobe Photoshop

Mahatma Coat
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Rostrum cameras

Back in the olden days of the 70s we were using rostrum cameras to create many of the effects that now need just a couple of clicks in programmes such as Photoshop.

Forox and Marron Carrel were pretty popular in the better production houses at the time and were in common usage until the late 90s.

Operators were skilled craftsmen who spent long hours hunched over the camera's compound table in a window-less room. One of the best I worked with was a bloke called Chris Andrews. His nickname in the industry was "Julie". It wasn't until many years later that I found out he was the younger brother of actress Julie Andrews.

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Mahatma Coat
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Re: Let's not foget the Quantel Photobox

The BBC had two of the first in the country

That'd be two of the first Paintboxes produced as Quantel is a British company.

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Oi, Kanye. BEYONCE deserves that gTLD more than you do

Mahatma Coat
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I think ... Beyonce deserves that gTLD more than he does.

From several dozen gossip sites:

Sam Smith Says Beyonce Deserves Album Of The Year Grammy More Than He Does

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