Much as Iike Samsung products...

I'd never buy any device that can play Jamie Cullum.

"Think B4 U post!"

This should be incorporated into the comment box on El Reg.

And what are the odds of me being the 98th reader to suggest that?

Surely...

"A government minister has claimed a clean record on security breaches for the National Pupil Database. However, we have no evidence on undetected breaches for obvious reasons."

Are these for sheep ASBOs?

Judge to sheep: "Ewe've been a baaaaad girl and you mutton do it again."

It'll never catch on

Next thing you know they'll be making us listen to the sound through more than one loudspeaker.

Pubs are closing down all over the UK...

...and alcohol consumption falls. I'm shocked.

Robots vs Astronauts

I can't remember ever reading about a robot that donned some nappies, got into her car and drove across the country to stalk another robot.

Pyjamas aren't nightwear in Cardiff

It's haute couture.

Ho hum

iCouldntGiveaFlyingFuck

This is another blow for freedom of speech

Paris, because she knows all about blowing.

Renewing a passport overseas

As a UK permanent resident in Aus it seems I will now have to visit the "local" office that issues replacement passports. I have renewed my passport once by post here and it took a mere five working days including postal delivery time, a feat that is mightily impressive by any standards.

If in the future I have to physically attend the office it would be a serious arse ache. I just checked the distance and a round trip to the High Commission is only 4794.43 kms and takes a mere 59.18 hours of continuous driving. This has more than a whiff of fail about it.

Not just closed source hosting

The site stats are collected by Adobe's Omniture.

Now with bonus advertising

It must have been a 21st century Einstein that came up with this one. I can imagine the meeting:

"Hey, look, this'll stop the kids stealing music and stop Bono whining. We'll have a new format and it will include adverts. It'll also phone home so we know what they are listening to. They'll lap it up when they see the advantages over a vanilla mp3. Bring on the celebratory hookers and Columbian marching powder, we're gonna be rich again!!!"

Anyone still trust Google?

The fanbois are going to love this. According to Bruce Schneier, the Chinese used a backdoor in Gmail that was installed at the insistence of the US government.

I can only assume the backdoor was a beta feature.

YaVaughnie?

No. Just no.

Don't forget Armstrong and Bain

Much as I am a huge Morris fan we shouldn't forget the writing genius of Armstrong and Bain.

Nice work, uk.gov

'However, she said that passport info was not "readily held in a format to enable a further breakdown of those resident in Manchester"'

They don't have addresses for passport applicants?

This is nothing new

I used to know a farmer in Blighty that would fire up his muck spreader if a bunch of itinerant caravan dwellers parked up in his fields. Organic weaponry with an endless supply of ammo. Cow shit has a very short half-life too.

People and stupid names

I discussed this matter with my daughters Frogmella and Spudulika. They both think these parents must be retarded. My wife lovely Waynetta agrees with them.

Some hope for Gary McKinnon, I guess

"Jamieson told papers he looked at the health records out of curiosity."

Was he looking for UFOs too?

Not all bad then

# Eleven per cent couldn't name a single social-networking website.

Some hope for the nation, then.

# Three per cent identified Bill Gates as an American comedian.

Three per cent were correct.

The old Notre Dame defence ploy

"Finally the court objected to the lack of any controls on the individual police officers - they only have to say they had a hunch."

He's not really a Kiwi

His parents were British born and migrated to NZ. He's more English than the Royal Family.

This is easy money

Simply set up a site at a free host like Wordpress or LiveJournal and type the words:

"Dear politicians, just fuck off and leave us alone."

wtf?

"an experimental news apps that lets users quickly wade through online news stories"

I have one of these already; it's called an RSS feed reader and it doesn't use crappy little thumbnails of sites, it uses legible text. I'm sure the majority of Reg readers will be familiar with the concept.

Another FAIL from the fanbois' favourite waste of space at Mountain View.

PS Is the Mountain that they View a large pile of earnings from adverts?

100% correct

Because only sheep use Google products.

They need some good self-defence classes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4bCyIAsSid8

It's the HIGNFY missing words round

Any contestants?

Asa seems to have had a change of heart

And it only took four years:

http://weblogs.mozillazine.org/mt/comment.cgi?entry_id=8748

"ScaredWitless, I don't give one whit whether or not you trust Google.

- A

Posted by Asa Dotzler at August 24, 2005 4:45 PM"

I love the way the Internet never forgets anything.

If we banned all the arses...

...Parliament would be empty.

Sen. Orin Hatch, the voice of reason

He once said: "People who illegally download copyrighted music should have their computers remotely destroyed."

Can we have a Barking Bozo icon too?

Collective term for people from Swindon

You forgot Swindonistas.

BDSM isn't a religion?

Possibly not but at least there's incontrovertible evidence that spanking actually exists which is more than can be said for any imaginary figure worshipped by the religious types.

@ AC & Graham Bartlett

"Stone age people managed very well with stone wheels, but they aren't really practical today are they?"

Hardly a fair comparison to a guitar cable, is it? The greatest and most innovative players have come and gone and they all managed just fine with a cable. I can't recall any of them saying that if someone invented a wireless connection that they would have played any better. It was usually a desire for more sex and drugs that was top of the list.

"a large part of the stage act for bands like Metallica is the on-stage running-around, and that's impossible without radio kit."

I just consulted my copy of Bert Wheedon's Play in a Day and he doesn't mention on-stage running around once. I think you're confusing guitar playing with some kind of track sport.

Forking hell

Forking the Web? Great idea, Google. Now fork off and die.

@ AC

"I really can't believe you suggested that seriously."

I really can't believe you weren't paying attention to what I wrote. It was a suggestion to Chris O'Shea who mentioned his own guitar/vocal requirement. Jimi Hendrix managed to turn out a good performance or two while hamstrung by this stone age technology called "wires".

Rental returns

Many moons ago I used to work in the stage equipment rental biz in the UK so I have a lot of sympathy for the SOS cause.

Having said that, the standard rate of return was 10% per week so if a piece of kit cost UKP100 it was rented out for a tenner per week, six quid for three days and three quid a day. Discounts were offered for longer term rentals such as a month or more and you have to take into account servicing costs and back up kit, etc, but by and large anything bought in 1992 would pretty much have been paid for and in profit by, er, 1993.

Megaphone icon...yours for a couple of notes..

Re: barking up the wrong tree

"lets stop pretending it's only a Google problem"

Nobody is pretending that at all. The only pretence is Google feeding the gullible masses and the fanbois all that the "don't be evil" nonsense. They think it is Google claiming to not be evil. The real meaning is addressed to the users: "don't be evil because we know exactly what you get up to online".

We understand that Yahoo, MS and the others are evil. They know we know they are evil and aren't trying to claim otherwise.

Vint Cerf...meh

Cerf used to be a bit of a hero to me many years ago but that stopped the day he sold his soul to Google. Everyone has a price, it seems. Cerf's price was the loss of any credibility.

Something we didn't know before

"Without him, and without his business, we just wouldn't be where we are today."

Is Bill Gates is now a travel agent?