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* Posts by Mahatma Coat

1129 posts • joined 11 Jun 2009

Snooper's-charter plans are just misunderstood, sniffles tearful May

Mahatma Coat
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Big Brother

Oi, May...

...Sod off.

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Nobody knows what to call Microsoft's ex-Metro UI

Mahatma Coat
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Re: The Interface Formerly Known As Metro

You need a better trademark lawyer. There's plenty of prior art for TIFKAM.

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Steve Jobs' Apple-powered yacht makes belated first trip

Mahatma Coat
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FAIL

Re: V. NSFW poetry

Can't believe it took this long for someone to cite the lyrics to The Good Ship Venus, and then mess them up!

I can't believe someone didn't get the joke.

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Mahatma Coat
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Time for some poetry

'Twas on the good ship Venus,

Owned by a bit of a penis,

The figurehead wasn't a nude in bed, it was deliberately omitted as it spoiled the clean, white lines with minimal visual intrusions and personally overseen by Sir Jonny Ives. Blah, blah, blah, Jobs is God, etc.

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Japanese toilet can save penalty kicks

Mahatma Coat
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Motion analyser?

Err...

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NBN set to tap into Asian growth

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FAIL

Good man, that Conroy

"Like Japan, Singapore, and South Korea, the Gillard Government is investing in super-fast broadband because we understand how fundamentally important the digital economy is for Australia’s continued economic growth and social well being," Conroy said. "This will enable Australians to import high quality Asian porn much faster than before."

I talked to the NBN folk a few weeks ago and it looks like we'll be getting our fibre in around ten years time. You'd think an area prone to major natural disasters combined with unreliable Telstra infrastructure would be nudged up the waiting list a bit. Apparently not.

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Wales: Let's ban Gibraltar-crazy Wikipedians for 5 years

Mahatma Coat
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I once visited Gibraltar

It was a day trip and really effing dull. Don't bother. It sucks.

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Apple CEO: Microsoft Surface 'compromised, confusing'

Mahatma Coat
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Boffin

Compare and contrast...

...Cook's opinion, not having used a Surface, with Simon Sharwood's, who has.

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Chinese boffins discover bizarro fish-oid creature with FOUR LIMBS

Mahatma Coat
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Angel

Bring on the IP lawyers

This is obviously just a cheap Chinese copy of an iFish that Steve Jobs created millions of years ago.

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Wonder why you live longer than a chimp? Thank your MOTHER IN LAW

Mahatma Coat
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Joke

Re: Old women are useful

Old men who try to wander round visiting young women for a chat are viewed with suspicion by everybody of course.

This is known in science as the Savile Effect.

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BBC's Incurious George vows to 'calibrate systems' after Savile affair

Mahatma Coat
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FAIL

Beeb bashing...

...by Orlowski. Who'd have guessed?

Andrew, you should also be asking why Thatcher didn't ask more questions when Savile was a regular Xmas guest of hers at Chequers.

You also realise that questioning Savile's behaviour was much like asking if Mother Teresa watched porn, don't you?

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Craig, Connery or ... Dalton? Vote now for the ultimate James Bond

Mahatma Coat
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Re: Lets hear it for Lazenby

Lazenby's greatest ever screen appearance.

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Mahatma Coat
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Missing in action...

...Barry Nelson in the 1954 version of Casino Royale and David Niven in the 1967 version of Casino Royale.

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Outback Communities Authority plans NBN extension

Mahatma Coat
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Trollface

Don't believe a word about economic benefits

They just want their pr0n delivered more quickly.

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Hold my feet to the fire using open gov data, pleads minister

Mahatma Coat
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Excellent news

Can we start with the mail and text exchanges between Cameron and Rebekah Brooks?

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A lesser-known new feature in iOS 6: It's tracking you everywhere

Mahatma Coat
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Errr...

...what are these adverts things of which you all speak?

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British car parks start reading number plates

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Re: Enslavement

We will not be enslaved through coercion, but by the lure of convenience.

Excuse me while I steal that for my quotation file. That is excellent.

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Sky support dubs Germany 'Hitler's country'

Mahatma Coat
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To be fair to Sky...

...I'm kidding, of course. It's Sky and they are a useless bunch of c**ts.

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Global action takes down tech support scam

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Re: Hopefully that'll put an end to it ...

It didn't put an end to it. I had a call on Friday here in Aus.

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Facebook says it's LOSING money in the UK ... pays hardly any tax

Mahatma Coat
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Re: How effing much?

You know there are more to staff costs than salary, right?

Yes, I know. You know I didn't even imply what you think I said?

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Mahatma Coat
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Devil

How effing much?

each member of staff at Facebook's UK division cost the company around £275,000

I think I know a way that FB can go into profit...

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Winston Churchill's personal papers digitised, available online

Mahatma Coat
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Please correct me if I'm wrong but...

...didn't Churchill's grandson get a multi-million quid handout from the lottery for all these papers and now people are expected to shell out again for access?

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Campaigners roll out political-correctness Voight-Kampff CAPTCHAs

Mahatma Coat
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"popular but sometimes irritating challenges"

Popular with site designers. Hated by users.

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Assange movie portrays leaker as teen rebel

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FAIL

Re: It's made by Matchbox Pictures.

I know what pedantic means and I know what good TV is. Channel Ten has never troubled good TV with so much as a glance, let alone any money.

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Mahatma Coat
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Re: It's made by Matchbox Pictures.

If you want to be pedantic then yes, it's being made by Matchbox but it was still commissioned by and is being shown by Ten. It's a Ten show. It's still guaranteed to be shit.

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FAIL

Re: No need to see it.

It's made by Channel Ten. It's guaranteed to be shit.

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Mahatma Coat
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"You'll do worse than dedicate a couple of hours to the program"

I'm not sure how.

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GCHQ boss: Crypto-genius Turing brought tech to British spooks

Mahatma Coat
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Big Brother

Isn't it a pity...

...that Turing and his fellow boffins did all that work to save Britain from a totalitarian future and now the results of their struggles are being used to surveil the citizens of the nation.

Where's the grave spinning icon when you need one?

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ACT Pirate Party outlines Lego manifesto

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Alert

Ahhh, the ACT...

...famous for two things:

1. The seat of the Aus federal government.

2. The only place in Aus where hardcore porn is legal.

Coincidence? You decide.

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The Register iPhone and Android apps: Maintenance update

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WTF?

What is "an app"?

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Firefox's birthday present to us: Teaching tech titans about DIY upstarts

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Headmaster

Re: I don't think that word means what you think it does...

Phoenix wasn't the first name. It was originally called m/b when the project was started. m/b = mozilla/browser.

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Freetard-idol rock star Trent Reznor gives up, signs to major label

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Meh

Re: Successful artists subsidise the less successful

Shouldn't that be: "Some projects make profits for the company

Why ask me? The subject line from my original comment was a line (no pun intended) from the article.

The history of the music biz is littered with stories of bad record deals, worse managers, dodgy showbiz lawyers and naïve artists. The music business is not a charity and will squeeze every last penny from clueless new signings. I have a couple of acquaintances that have been pretty successful musicians in their time and I've heard the same story from them. They made more money from gigs, merch and cover version royalties than they ever made from their record deals. I would add that this was in the 80s and 90s so well before file sharing existed.

As for Trent Reznor, his lower than expected sales as an independent could be due to his music not being as good as his earlier output. I don't know about you or anyone else but I never buy substandard albums just because I liked what the artist did previously.

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Mahatma Coat
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Go

Successful artists subsidise the less successful

Almost. Successful artists subsidise the cocaine and hookers.

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Guardian's Robin Hood plan: Steal from everyone to give to us

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Alien

Re: The Daily Mail just called...

If you'd been here longer than a couple of years

I've "been here" since the last century and I'm still surprised by the amount of Daily Mail readers among the Register's downvoting community.

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Mahatma Coat
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FAIL

Don't pay for El Reg?

I could make an educated guess that some of El Reg's income is from advertising. The companies that advertise have to pay for that from their marketing budget. That budget is funded by you, the punter that reads the ads and buys the product.

You pay pay for all real news either directly or indirectly.

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Mahatma Coat
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The Daily Mail just called...

...they are wondering why all their readers are commenting on the Register today.

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Instagram on iPhone 5: Now you can spoil even MORE snaps

Mahatma Coat
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Devil

Re: Where's the article rating feature gone?

I wonder if Orlowski and Page were getting a little embarrassed.

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Japanese boffins unfurl banner above newly-discovered Element 113

Mahatma Coat
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Boffin

Japan the first country in Asia to name an atomic element.

Isn't Russia in Asia too?

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Google promises autonomous cars for all within five years

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Re: This brings a new meaning to...

Every time you get into a car (or even out of bed for that matter), it's a question of feeling lucky.

I drive every day on one of the most dangerous stretches of road in Australia. It's almost entirely single carriageway with very few overtaking lanes. Much of it is atop of three metre high embankments to avoid flooding. Armco barriers are unknown. It's filled with psychopath truck drivers that don't have a tachograph and consequently drive stupid hours, out of state holiday makers towing tin snails behind them, local yokels that wouldn't survive ten minutes in London, very large clueless animals that randomly wander out in front of you, no equivalent to an MOT for any vehicles and yet somehow I survive. Add a vehicular Blue Screen of Death to that list and I may have second thoughts.

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Mahatma Coat
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This brings a new meaning to...

...are you feeling lucky?

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FTC settles spying charges on rent-to-own computers

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Facepalm

Seriously?

...it included user names and passwords for email accounts, social media websites, and financial institutions; Social Security numbers; medical records; private emails to doctors; bank and credit card statements; and webcam pictures of children, partially undressed individuals, and intimate activities at home.

You could argue that the computer rental firms have a perfect right to protect their property from theft or delinquent customers by installing such software.

You could argue that but I wouldn't suggest trying it face-to-face with the renter or you may become rapidly acquainted with Mr Darwin's theory.

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Google, Microsoft butt heads in browser benchmark battle

Mahatma Coat
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FAIL

Must. Disable. Pop-up. Blocker.

I ran the test, or tried to, and got this message:

"Firefox prevented this site from opening 17 pop-up windows"

1996 just called, etc.

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Scientists: 'Castration is the key to a longer life'

Mahatma Coat
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Joke

Re: I feel ever so sorry for you, Mahatma.

Er, I was joking. The lovely Mrs Coat is a treasure.

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Mahatma Coat
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Alert

Castration...

...aka marriage.

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The Register lands in Australia

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An iPad?

I was going to enter until I saw the prize.

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Shuttle Endeavour buzzes the Golden Gate Bridge

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Pfft

Now if it had flown under the bridge...

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Australian PM opens SYSADMIN-KILLER data centre

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Re: Just supposing...

Try as I might, and trust me I've tried very hard, I cannot see the word alone anywhere in my comment.

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Mahatma Coat
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Boffin

Just supposing...

...that you are powering and cooling your own data centre/server room/box under the desk with your own solar, then how can McQuarrie say “We can power and cool a server more cost effectively than what businesses can do themselves"?

Just wondering.

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Want a Leica camera from Jony Ive? There CAN BE ONLY ONE

Mahatma Coat
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Angel

Easy peasy

Make it out of white plastic and remove the awkward sticky out bits like the lens and the controls. Job done.

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Google acts against prostitution app after complaints from Congress

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FAIL

Ironic...

....that Congress wants to ban an app for prostituting people. Is Congress trying to protect its monopoly?

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