* Posts by Mahatma Coat

1226 posts • joined 11 Jun 2009

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Land Rover's return: Last orders and leather seats for Defender nerds

Mahatma Coat
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Re: safety

The last LR I had to put up with was a series 2 back in the early 80s

A car that went out of production in 1961. Good comparison.

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Web tracking puts lead in your saddlebags, finds Mozilla study

Mahatma Coat
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Re: Adblock and NoScript

Essential, but too much for the masses. I has a sad

Have a look at Bluhell Firewall instead of Adblock Plus. Totally idiot-proof. Install, forget, enjoy.

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UK data watchdog: Massive fines won't keep data safe

Mahatma Coat
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Devil

Money is no object

12 months in the Scrubbs picking up the shower block soap for Big Jim may have more impact.

Also imprison a few bankers and non-dom newspaper proprietors for good measure.

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Right Dabbsy my old son, you can cram this job right up your BLEEEARRGH

Mahatma Coat
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Happy

Re: Memory for names

I've always had a shocking memory for names.

About half my working life in the UK was as a freelance with about 100ish clients most of which were very small outfits but kept me busy for 60-70 hours per week. Come the Xmas piss up season I'd bump into most of them at various trade parties along with many other freelances that I'd occasionally work with. As a name-forgetter it was a nightmare. Eventually I figured out a method of avoiding social embarrassment.

Some total stranger would approach and say "Hey, Mr Coat, haven't seen you since that Merc production. How are you?" This person was probably a production assistant that made me a coffee on a half-day gig some 11 months earlier and I'm supposed to remember their name.

To avoid looking like a twat I'd just say "I'm good, thanks. Remind again me what your name is". They'd reply "Jim" or whatever so I'd say "I know your first name's Jim. How could I forget that when we had such a laugh on that gig? It's your second name I can't recall. I'm terrible with second names". The coffee-bringer then tells you their second name.

In a couple of seconds you've gone from socially incompetent tool to having their first and last names and restored your reputation as that nice freelance with the great social skills.

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Turkey president: Nuts to 4G networks, we're cutting straight to 5G

Mahatma Coat
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Re: I see your 5G

and raise you 6G.

Recep Tayyip Erdogan: The numbers all go to five. Look, right across the board, five, five, five and...

Marty DiBergi: Oh, I see. And most mobiles go up to four?

Recep Tayyip Erdogan: Exactly.

Marty DiBergi: Does that mean it's louder? Is it any louder?

Recep Tayyip Erdogan: Well, it's one louder, isn't it? It's not four. You see, most blokes, you know, will be talking at four. You're on four here, all the way up, all the way up, all the way up, you're on four on your mobile. Where can you go from there? Where?

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Election? Pah. Here's the REAL question: Who’s the SEXIEST MP?

Mahatma Coat
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Childcatcher

"Which MP would you rather have sex with?"

Not the one claiming Alzheimer's.

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Mozilla flings teddy out of pram over France's 'Patriot Act'

Mahatma Coat
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FAIL

Mozilla ? The same company who ship closed-source binary blobs in their web browser to support DRM ? People still listen to them ?

It took me all of 30 seconds to disable it in this browser. They also offer alternative versions without any DRM. That way people that want to watch DRM protected content can do so or not. It's called choice.

Talking of binary blobs, how's that Flash plugin in your non-Mozilla browser doing?

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Oz government to put dark fibre net on the auction block

Mahatma Coat
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Joke

150,000 km of fibre, 2 Tbps

So that's where the NBN has been hiding all these years.

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Who was downloading smut in the office while eating ice cream?

Mahatma Coat
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Happy

Old school: 16mm black and white film

The first proper job I had (1972) was at a small media company run by two brothers. Their old man had started the company years before but he died shortly before I joined.

One day some of the lads told me about his porn stash. Apparently the brothers had to raid his loft and retrieve said collection before their newly widowed mum had a chance to look up there. The boxes of 16mm black and white smut were taken back to base and kept in a cupboard in the workshop.

Much of it had deteriorated and just fell apart as it went through the gate but they rescued as much as possible and edited it into one reel. It was more of a comedy when they had finished. Shots zoomed into "certain areas" and when it pulled back it was a different two (or three or four) people.

It was proper vintage porn. Normal shaped people and no deforestation. And talking of trees, those buzzy plastic toys you see today were then made of carved and polished pine. Seriously old school. Adds new meaning to "got wood?"

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Theresa May: Right, THIS time we're getting the Snoopers' Charter in

Mahatma Coat
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Re: It's almost like...

I hear Canada is quite nice, and only warm for a few weeks of the year. Anyone know more?

Canada is very nice. It has the best bits of Blighty and the US. The thing is...

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Bruce Schneier's Data and Goliath – solution or part of the problem?

Mahatma Coat
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FAIL

Re: Someone didn't do their research

Just because the majority of the current populace don't identify themselves as Christian, doesn't change that.

Duh, read the numbers. 60.6% - the majority - identify as Christians. My point, which seems to have flown right over your head, is that Catholics outnumber Protestants in "Protestant Germany".

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Mahatma Coat
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Someone didn't do their research

Germany and the USA probably look identical: they’re Protestant Western countries

Religion in Germany, 2008 figures:

Protestant Evangelical Church 29.9%.

Roman Catholicism 30.7%.

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Mozilla to whack HTTP sites with feature-ban stick

Mahatma Coat
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Re: Eeejits!

More to the point, it just isn't worth the expense of a trusted certificate for the sort of sites I run.

Expense? How expensive is free?

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From Manchester to Microsoft – missing mum :-(

Mahatma Coat
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Britain’s roads

I’d miss the roads the most. They’re not very important, but just how well-thought-out the road system is in Redmond (but not Seattle) makes me grow frustrated with the single-lane, arbitrary squiggles of Britain’s roads.

Britain’s roads aren't arbitrary but may look so to someone that hasn't studied the history. 95% of the British roads existed before the advent of the motor car so obviously weren't "designed" for them. I've put the word designed in quotation marks because the roads and their unsurfaced ancestors simply took the path of least resistance - Roman roads aside - so that pedestrians, drovers and other traders didn't have to deal with gradients, rivers and so on.

You see a squiggle, I see a route around a big tree that didn't warrant being hacked down to save ten seconds of walking.

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Japan showcases really, really fast … whoa, WTF was that?!

Mahatma Coat
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Joke

"the UK's attempt at high-speed rail"

I can half understand HS2. The half where people want to leave Birmingham as quickly as possible.

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UN: E-waste's 42 MEELLLION tonnes represents 'valuable' (and ‘toxic’) urban mine

Mahatma Coat
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Re: "11.8 million tonnes from washing machines"

Washing machines typically contain large concrete blocks

We replaced our previous washing machine a couple of years ago. It was 15 years old and still worked well but a power surge destroyed it and anything else that wasn't plugged into a surge protector. But I digress.

The new washing machine doesn't have an concrete content. Balance during spin is maintained by four weighted and sprung steel rods.

As for electronic waste, we store all our old dead crap in the shed rather than dump it.

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BOFH: Explain? All we need is this kay-sh with DDR3 Cortexiphan ...

Mahatma Coat
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Headmaster

Kaysh

I still wince every time I hear an Antipodean mispronounce cache.

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UN inflicts 10,000 flat pack IKEA shelters on Iraq - WITHOUT TOOLS

Mahatma Coat
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It would make sense to sell these to us non-refugees, at a hefty markup, to help reduce the cost of the ones going to more deserving types.

I'd still buy one if it was double the price. The extra profit could pay for one for refugee use. My last temporary accommodation rent bill was around $12k so everyone's a winner.

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Mahatma Coat
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$1,150?

$1,150 is a bargain. I'll have two and I'm not taking the piss. I was paying that for two weeks rent after the last big storm blew through here and damaged my house. You couldn't even hire a caravan or a portacabin for love nor money. I could keep two of these flat-packed in the garage ready for the next big storm.

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Belgium to the rescue as UK consumers freeze after BST blunder

Mahatma Coat
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Devil

"The schedule is correct but it doesn't obey!?!"

Machine doesn't obey you. You obey machine.

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Huawei networking kit gets the green light from Blighty's spooks

Mahatma Coat
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Big Brother

Re: So unsafe

we can be sure that it is UNSAFE

Backdoor added. Check.

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Dear departed Internet Explorer, how I will miss you ... NOT

Mahatma Coat
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Devil

"Spry Mosaic, crudely rebranded and very clumsily installed by CompuServe"

I feel your pain.

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Apple Safari update BORKED private browsing

Mahatma Coat
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Re: Probably not important

What sort of comment was that … ?

The troll avatar I used should have been a massive clue.

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Mahatma Coat
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Trollface

Probably not important

Apple owners only look at apple.com.

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Big Data shocker: Over 6 million Americans have reached the age of 112

Mahatma Coat
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A privacy officer discusses a drawback to collecting personal information online

"We have a suspicious amount of 98-year-old Albanian millionaire grandmothers with Hotmail addresses who own 200-plus computers and head up a tech firm who are interested in reading our newspaper."

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Canadian bloke refuses to hand over phone password, gets cuffed

Mahatma Coat
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Re: CAN$25,000 (US$19,900)

Moreover, the Dominion of Canada is a British colony.

I love the Canadian national anthem.

Fines there should be expressed in pounds, shillings, pence and beaver pelts.

Nice beaver.

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Change of email address

Mahatma Coat
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Change of email address

I'd like to change the email address that I use for El Reg but I need a working address before I can change it (or that's how it was last time I checked). I stupidly used the same email supplier as Mr Snowden so I don't have access to that account any longer.

Any suggestions from the staff?

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Paul Allen hunts down sunken Japanese WWII super-battleship

Mahatma Coat
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Headmaster

"Using historical records from four different countries"

As opposed to records from four identical countries?

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National Rugby League boots 'metadata' right into Australia's face

Mahatma Coat
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Re: *cough*

Soccer... Football to your average Aussie is Rugby League or ARL

I could call golf something like "stick-ball-hole" but it's still golf.

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Mahatma Coat
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Headmaster

*cough*

Soccer Football.

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Sick of Chrome vs Firefox? Check out these 3 NEW browsers

Mahatma Coat
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Re: WTF?

You beat me to it. Have an upvote instead.

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Tim Cook chills the spines of swingers worldwide

Mahatma Coat
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the wrist-wearing gizmo would nag sedentary people once an hour...

...to throw their new watch at the wall.

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(Re)touching on a quarter-century of Adobe Photoshop

Mahatma Coat
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Rostrum cameras

Back in the olden days of the 70s we were using rostrum cameras to create many of the effects that now need just a couple of clicks in programmes such as Photoshop.

Forox and Marron Carrel were pretty popular in the better production houses at the time and were in common usage until the late 90s.

Operators were skilled craftsmen who spent long hours hunched over the camera's compound table in a window-less room. One of the best I worked with was a bloke called Chris Andrews. His nickname in the industry was "Julie". It wasn't until many years later that I found out he was the younger brother of actress Julie Andrews.

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Mahatma Coat
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Re: Let's not foget the Quantel Photobox

The BBC had two of the first in the country

That'd be two of the first Paintboxes produced as Quantel is a British company.

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Oi, Kanye. BEYONCE deserves that gTLD more than you do

Mahatma Coat
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I think ... Beyonce deserves that gTLD more than he does.

From several dozen gossip sites:

Sam Smith Says Beyonce Deserves Album Of The Year Grammy More Than He Does

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Jaguar F-Type: A beautiful British thoroughbred

Mahatma Coat
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Devil

If I was stupidly rich...

...and could buy any car at all I think an Aston would be top of the list (based purely on looks). I'd buy something more practical for shopping and the school run.

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Apple 'hires' the 'A-Team' from car titans, they DO SAY: Let's modify the 'van'!

Mahatma Coat
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Joke

Any colour you want...

...as long as it's white.

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Avoiding data retention will be as easy as eating a burger

Mahatma Coat
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Re: Is Ludlam being a bit naive?

You're missing what he is talking about.

You're missing what I'm talking about.

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Mahatma Coat
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Big Brother

Is Ludlam being a bit naive?

Ludlam's one of our better senators but is he correct in this case? Anyone that uses backdoored services such as Skype will just be shafted by one of the other 5 Eyes partners and any juicy data will be funnelled back to spooks.gov.au.

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Sly peers attempt to thrust hated Snoopers' Charter into counter-terror and security bill

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Re: British Democracy

800 years since Magna Carta.

Magna Carta is overrated. It was designed to give more power to the barons, the military-industrial complex of mediaeval England. Plus ça change.

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NO WARRANTS NEEDED for metadata access, argues Oz A-G

Mahatma Coat
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Big Brother

"isn't an invasion of privacy to rank with entering a home"

It's worse than that. It's entering your brain.

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Evernote says goodbye to Hello, shuts lid on Peek

Mahatma Coat
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Polish chap builds computer into a mouse

Mahatma Coat
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just like my phone

I was thinking along similar lines. This is like a phone but with the phone functionality removed. And bigger.

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India pushes ahead with slimmed-down fibre rollout

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I hope Malcolm Turnbull is reading this.

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Firefox 35 stamps out critical bugs

Mahatma Coat
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Re: Firefox stability problems?

The half and half trick, fondly remembered from days spent fixing peoples' Quark XPress.

It's a real time saver to eliminate half of many possibilities in one go.

Many years back I took a car to the dealer to have a warped brake disc changed under warranty. The symptoms were the brake pedal "pumping" in use and the disc wear warning light going on and off. The receptionist told me it would be a long job as they had to take all the wheels off and check the brake assemblies to determine which one it was. I told them that I knew which one it was because I had unplugged the sensor cable from each brake in turn, a simple process of elimination that took less than 15 minutes. The receptionist looked gobsmacked that there was a better, faster way than following the manufacturer's bible.

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Mahatma Coat
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Firefox stability problems?

They probably aren't caused by Firefox but some crappy extension, theme or plug-in you have installed.

Disable all your add-ons and re-enable one at time* until you find the culprit.

A base installation of Firefox is always 100% stable for me on both Windows and Linux. The only issues are extensions and that's not very often.

* I disable half of them first of all. If the issue stops then I know it's in the other half. It's bit quicker to do it this way.

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Mahatma Coat
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Re: Have they enabled look like Firefox yet?

Switch to SRWare Iron instead then...

I tried it in the early days and dumped it after a few tries. As I've mentioned here before, when I logged into an SSL-secured site it made simultaneous connections to an SSL server owned by Google. Nein danke.

Companies only have to lose my trust once.

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Just WHY is the FBI so sure North Korea hacked Sony? NSA: *BLUSH*

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I think it's safe to assume...

...that whatever the NSA says is the opposite of the truth.

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David Cameron: I'm off to the US to get my bro Barack to ban crypto – report

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Facepalm

David Cameron

<inbetweeners>Cryptowanker</inbetweeners>

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Disney, McLaren and National Rail walk into bar: Barkeep, make me a Wearable

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Devil

Atos?

Atos, the "I'm sorry but you're not disabled enough for this watch" company?

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