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* Posts by Peter Simpson 1

870 posts • joined 10 Jun 2009

So, just how do you say 'the mutt's nuts' in French?

Peter Simpson 1
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Holmes

THIS is why I read El Reg!

Furthering my linguistic skills is a far better use of my time than anything my silly employer wants me to work on.

// My hovercraft...eels!

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95 floors in 43 SECONDS: Hitachi's new ultra-high-speed lift

Peter Simpson 1
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Thumb Up

Re: And what would happen

[see above ^^^]

Sounds like a fine piece of technology...

and

Good technologies always need backups

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Peter Simpson 1
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Joke

Re: Comparison with Toyota Aygo

A lift which can climb faster than a Porsche 911 is not to be sneezed at.

Thrown up at, more likely.

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Tooled-up Ryobi girl takes nine-inch grinder to Asus beach babe

Peter Simpson 1
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Paris Hilton

Amateurs...

Has anyone mentioned the Ridgid Tools calendar yet?

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Sleuths find nosy NORKS drones on the Chinternet

Peter Simpson 1
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Holmes

Taiyuan Navigation Friend Aviation Technology

Needs to work on the "Navigation" part of their technology, methinks. That, and the fuel capacity.

Maybe the SPB could pick up a few quid on a consulting contract?

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Record labels sue Pandora over vintage song royalties

Peter Simpson 1
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Childcatcher

Re: Who Is Ripping Whom, RIAA?

Thus, the term "Hollywood accounting".

// applies to record companies, too -- actually, they probably invented it in the first place.

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LOHAN and the amazing technicolor spaceplane

Peter Simpson 1
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Holmes

Re: However...

These little details are important!

Bravo!

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Peter Simpson 1
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Thumb Up

Re: Perfect

Absolutely!

And all parties involved appear to have been thoroughly enjoying themselves throughout the entire process!

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Spanish village called 'Kill the Jews' mulls rebranding exercise

Peter Simpson 1
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Devil

Re: This message brought to you by religion

And, if you can't afford to travel, choose from among your neighbors, and torture/kill them. Extra points for selecting those of differing beliefs and/or skin color. Make sure to remind them that if they convert to your religion, you'll still kill them, but they'll go to heaven.

// it's not the "religion" part, it's the "organized" part that's the problem.

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Live coverage: Blood Moon looms large for North, South America

Peter Simpson 1
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FAIL

Boston, Massachusetts: true to form

Solid overcast, not even a glow visible through it (yes, I got up at 1 AM and checked).

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Russian deputy PM: 'We are coming to the Moon FOREVER'

Peter Simpson 1
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Alert

Re: Could not have timed it better

Space Race II -- this time, it's personal!

[insert photo of shirtless Putin here]

//it's all fun & games, 'till the SPB gets involved!

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So you invent a wireless network using LEDs, what do you do next? Add solar panels. Boom

Peter Simpson 1
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Re: "Professor Harald Haas, who came up with the Li-Fi idea"

Meh...it's been done:

http://www.cbronline.com/news/bicc_claims_infralan_as_first_standard_wireless_network_for_token_ring

// barely worked at 16Mbit/s, IIRC

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Internet is a TOOL OF SATAN that destroys belief, study claims

Peter Simpson 1
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Coat

Re: Choose your poison @Trevor Pott

I think we may have accidentally hit up on the problem with organized religion:

the selection and dosage of communion wine

Perhaps a change is in order?

// whisky icon lamentably missing, but perhaps I have some in my pocket

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Peter Simpson 1
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Linux

Re: So access to information

"That's not fair - not all Opera Apple Linux users are like that !"

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Japanese schoolkids arrested in £2.4 MEEELLION phone fraud bust

Peter Simpson 1
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FAIL

Happened to a coworker

Unfortunately for the "friend", my coworker is in IT:

"Hey, it's Joe -- I need some money"

"Sure, Joe. Just tell me the name of the play we co-starred in in High School"

"Hey, I really need the money"

"You know, you're a bad person?"

"ahhh...."

// waiting for my chance...

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Reg LOHAN spaceplane: Punch and Judy show in comedy non-explosive climax

Peter Simpson 1
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Pint

You think YOU have problems?

The hated Yankees beat our Red Sox 4-1 in their first meeting of the year last night in New York.

Repeat after me:

"There's always next time!"

Good luck, guys...

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The gift of Grace: COBOL's odyssey from Vietnam to the Square Mile

Peter Simpson 1
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Happy

Real Programmers *and* Mythical Man Month?

Two of the greatest writings in computer history.

// The third, of course, is K&R.

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Why won't you DIE? IBM's S/360 and its legacy at 50

Peter Simpson 1
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Holmes

The Mythical Man-Month

Fred Brooks' seminal work on the management of large software projects, was written after he managed the design of OS/360. If you can get around the mentions of secretaries, typed meeting notes and keypunches, it's required reading for anyone who manages a software project. Come to think of it...*any* engineering project. I've recommended it to several people and been thanked for it.

// Real Computers have switches and lights...

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'Bank couriers' who stole money from OAP cancer sufferer jailed

Peter Simpson 1
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Happy

Better rule - if they call you, don't do it!

When someone calls you, be extremely skeptical of anything they say. Refuse to cooperate.

If it's your bank, wait a while (so this scam doesn't work) then call them back at the number on the back of your card and ask them if they just called you.

If it's Microsoft, feel free to do anything necessary to keep them on the line, there's a contest running for longest time. My best is 20 minutes, answering all the questions, clicking and making sure he could hear me typing. I didn't bother telling him I was running Linux, and the menus are close enough that he continued along with his script, but finally gave up and told me to call Microsoft's support number.

It was then that I asked him (still playing the dumb user) if I should tell them I was running Linux.

There was a pause, then the start of a swear, then he hung up, leaving my wife and I ROFL for quite a while...she had immediately passed the call to me when she realized what it was and had been listening to my "efforts" to follow his instructions.

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Driver drama delays deep desert XP upgrade

Peter Simpson 1
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Facepalm

Re: Windows 7 upgrade advisor anyone?

Atheros had the driver (took a couple of attempts to get the correct one).

'twould be nice...if every manufacturer took more than a passing interest in supplying working, bug-free, current rev drivers, for *ALL* their current and former products, clearly labelled as to which chips they are for, in an easily found location on their corporate website.

// I can dream, can't I?

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Lego is the TOOL OF SATAN, thunders Polish priest

Peter Simpson 1
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Happy

Re: In the dark, bare feet

As a teen, I developed my own film. Working in the darkroom is a super way to learn obstacle-avoidance skills which have served me well throughout my life.

Mostly. The downside is that the extra confidence causes me to move decisively, rather than tentatively, and the few toe/obstacle collisions that do occur are consequently at high speed.

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Crashed NORKS drones discovered by South Korea

Peter Simpson 1
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Black Helicopters

Re: Auntie Bee has pictures of the drone

Some bright Nork spark has figured out how to get the state to pay him to build and fly model airplanes.

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El Reg's Deep Outback XP upgrade almost foiled by KILLER ARACHNIDS

Peter Simpson 1
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Pint

Handy musical guide

How do we identify which sheep are OK and which aren't?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNEeq5qGh8I

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Can you tell a man's intelligence simply by looking at him? Yes

Peter Simpson 1
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Mushroom

Re: Yeah, well, I mean, innit.

...Russia is full of beautiful women who grow old and turn into shot-putters.

I believe that's referred to as the "babushka bomb" effect.

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Peter Simpson 1
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Happy

...attractive and dumb as bricks...

Cause, or effect? If they know they can get anything they want with a jiggle and a smile, why bother to learn anything? Starts early, too.

My beloved is average looking and quite intelligent.

// Oh, hello, dear! Didn't see you there.

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NSA plans to FREE YOUR DATA with range of cloud services, analytics

Peter Simpson 1
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Black Helicopters

So that guy on the phone last night...

...warning me about my Windows system being infected?

He was from NSA?

// that must be where Santa gets the Naughty and Nice lists from...even HE outsources!

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Peter Simpson 1
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Happy

Re: I took one look at today's date...

...but then...it's actually quite a good idea, isn't it?

And if we only charge 1/10 of what Carbonite charges, we could balance the Federal budget in five years.

Gee, Thanks, Obama!

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Artists install Monty Python silly walk signs in Norwegian town

Peter Simpson 1
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Mushroom

Blasphemy!

Kill them!

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Tokyo to TXT warning of incoming Norks nukes

Peter Simpson 1
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Mushroom

Surely the Lunar New Year would be a better choice for that demographic?

// DUCK-N-COVER!!!

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Homeopathic remedies contaminated with REAL medicine get recalled

Peter Simpson 1
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Coat

Re: Bah!

I've found that being close enough to control very small pieces of vibrating quartz (at a frequency in the 40m band) has a relaxing effect...but only if the oscillations are controlled at a rate above 15 wpm.

// the one with the key in the pocket

// de KA1AXY

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First pics: Comet-chaser Rosetta hurtles towards icy prey, camera in hand

Peter Simpson 1
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Joke

Re: Science is amazing

You have to pull.

How else do you set the hook?

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Brit game devs WILL get tax relief for, er, EastEnders Game and Legend of Slough

Peter Simpson 1
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Happy

Chav designer?

...see how many different objects you can decorate with the Burberry plaid design

// there seems to be no Burberry icon?

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Peter Simpson 1
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Alien

Re: grand theft auto -Lambeth?

Be sure to pick your target vehicle carefully. The game will only allow you to actually start hotwired cars with ignition systems manufactured by someone other than Lucas...

// Prince of Darkness icon?

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Banks lob sueball at Trustwave, Target over breach

Peter Simpson 1
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Holmes

Re: The underlying problem is,,,

Because IT is at the heart of these businesses, you would think they'd have at least one main board director with fundamental IT systems knowledge and expertise.

But then, they'd need someone senior to that IT director to check to see if the candidates were just spouting a line of BS, or if they really knew what they were talking about.

It's a never-ending cycle of people knowing just enough to sound like they know what they're doing, when in fact, all they need to know is a few choice nuggets that their boss doesn't understand.

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Peter Simpson 1
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Unhappy

Costs have already reached $172M

...in re-issuing cards alone, with perhaps $US1 billion in the longer-term costs of fraudulent transactions resulting from the breach.

My bank's fees will shortly be increasing, then.

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Apple vows to add racially diverse EMOJIS after MILEY CYRUS TWITTER outrage

Peter Simpson 1
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Facepalm

Re: Oh no, Unicode Consortium taken over by cats

...and to think: it's someone's job to manage that ^^^ list.

// wonder how much they're paid?

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Peter Simpson 1
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Facepalm

Re: Wait a minute there......

Try to keep up here.

I had to look up "emoji" myself. Apparently, they're of Japanese origin (think smileys crossed with Hello Kitty). These are emoticons 3.0 -- and cover pretty much anything cute you might ever think of communicating. Especially things an 8 to 12 year old might think of.

Actually, *exclusively* things an 8 to 12 year old might think of.

Smiling Turd isn't my favorite, but it's right up there with Helpful Information Woman.

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ISPs' pirate-choking blocking measures ARE effective – music body

Peter Simpson 1
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Pirate

How about VPN use, is that down?

I've heard that some significant portion of worldwide VPN traffic is bittorrent.

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Bruce Schneier sneers at IBM's NSA denials

Peter Simpson 1
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Paris Hilton

Re: Follow the money...

A lot to LOSE????

I believe they actually SELL computers to the NSA. As well as worldwide, to other customers, a backdoor into whose systems, the NSA would love to have. Yeah, IBM has nothing to do with the NSA. And Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny are as real as I am...

// ..and she's as pure as the driven snow!

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China demands answers from US after 'I spy on one little Huawei' report

Peter Simpson 1
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Happy

Re: A brilliant solution

It's like something our of Mad Magazine's Spy vs. Spy....

// can't find the Spy vs Spy icon...

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IBM PCjr STRIPPED BARE: We tear down the machine Big Blue would rather you forgot

Peter Simpson 1
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Holmes

inch greater than a decent and proper English cricket ball.

Well, you see, we use a smaller bat, so the diameter of the ball is increased slightly...

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Peter Simpson 1
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Happy

Re: The 6845 is a zero-colour chip

American Football, which is rugby for girls

Very muscular and well-paid girls.

// actually, it's a two-hour long advertisement for Bud Light

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They want me to install CCTV to see what YOU did in the TOILET

Peter Simpson 1
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Pint

Better use for CCTV at work

Monitoring the coffee pot, to see who drained it and left it, instead of making a new one.

// sadly, pretty much everybody...

// TGIF

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The Reg's guide to cursing in Mongolian

Peter Simpson 1
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Re: “female hygiene accessory”

359 [goshdarnit], why don't you quit being a 262 [male genitalia] about it and go 284 [sexual act] yourself?

(saving the list and code numbers for future reference)

(boobs, funbags and gazungas notably absent?)

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Vote now for the top reader Limerick limerick

Peter Simpson 1
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Joke

A limerick by definition

must contain a naughty word or phrase...they all fail

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GIANT FLESH-EATING DEVIL CHICKENS roamed North Dakota

Peter Simpson 1
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Happy

Re: Anzu wyliei

The coyote would take one look at this and do a roadrunner impression heading away from it!

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MPs urge UK.gov to use 1950s obscenity law to stifle online stiffies

Peter Simpson 1
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Childcatcher

Re: So...

"If you have a kid, it's YOUR responsibility to pay for it and care for it and raise it properly."

But at some stage you would like some one to pay your pension?

My children used to advise me to treat them with respect, as "they were the ones who get to chose the 'home' "

// what has happened to all the workhouses?

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Malaysia Airlines mystery: Click here for the TRUTH

Peter Simpson 1
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Re: So what is going on?

I would think that runways capable of being used for take off of a fully bombed and fueled B-29 would be just as suitable for a B777 and I think there was a number of such runways built in that region during the WWII.

While I agree with you that these are the places to look first, I suspect some significant amount of vegetation removal (not to mention repaving) would be necessary before the runways are again suitable for use.

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Alibaba float could make Facebook's look like small change

Peter Simpson 1
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Re: Alibaba actaully sells stuff?

I tried looking for a custom power transformer on Alibaba for a project we were doing at work.

After posting the needed specs, I was deluged by replies from companies offerring totally inappropriate products. Many of the replies were just contact information, although I had posted fairly complete specs of what I needed. The rest of the replies were, to put it politely, junk. The ones I could even understand.

Yeah, it's pretty much Chinese eBay, with a touch of Craigslist. Everyone and his brother has a bot to respond to any query with a list of the stuff they're flogging. And you keep getting replies for months after you place your query.

Others claim to have succeeded, but for me, the effort to reward ratio is far too high. Alibaba's on my junk mail filter now.

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My work-from-home setup's better than the office. It's GLORIOUS

Peter Simpson 1
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Joke

Re: It's because your employer is teh suck

Oh, yeah, fine. YOU'VE got a corporate Linux distribution. Well, la-di-dah, aren't you special?

// insanely jealous :-)

// good IT here -- they haven't tried to foist Win8 on us!

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