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* Posts by Greg J Preece

2286 posts • joined 10 Jun 2009

Life-size Portal gun to shoot onto shelves soon

Greg J Preece
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Just make sure your walls aren't grey, you'll be fine.

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Greg J Preece
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April, you say?

Guess when my birthday is. :-D

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Eolas claims royalties for browser apps and plug-ins

Greg J Preece
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"The practical impact of withholding unrestricted access to the patented technology from use by the Web community will be to substantially impair the usability of the Web for hundreds of millions of individuals in the United States and around the world."

Around the world? Which two shits are we supposed to give about the US' latest patent balls-up?

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Google adds Chrome finish to Android

Greg J Preece
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I was wondering when Google were going to get around to this, given that Firefox/Opera have had it since pretty much the start. The one advantage of my Firefox sync account though - no-one's reading my data at the other end, unless that encryption key is a big fib.

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System Shock

Greg J Preece
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GIMME!

Gimme gimme gimme gimme gimme. URL? The controls infuriate me.

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Greg J Preece
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I just bought System Shock and System Shock 2 off eBay (cost me a packet for mint copies), and I've been dicking about with Redguard/Arena. Was going to play the ES games first, but now I just wanna shoot people to crap techno.

Perhaps Antiques Code Show should be renamed God Bless DOSbox

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Apple TV surfaces on Best Buy

Greg J Preece
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Doesn't stop them trying! I wonder if they'll call it "magical" too?

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Jackpot: astronomers tag Goldilocks planet

Greg J Preece
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Then lets build a ship that can last that long and fucking go!

Jesus Christ...

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Demand for safety kitemark on software stepped up

Greg J Preece
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"The committee wants a single place where punters can get basic security advice, stripped of confusing technical jargon"

That'll be shit advice, then.

The way to stop people being afraid of the net, and of the jargon, is to teach them how it actually works, not baby-talk them around what is increasingly required knowledge. IT is used as much as any of the core literacies in school these days, possibly more so, as it's used to access and enable other disciplines, rather than standing on its own, so let's make IT/computing in schools a mandatory subject like maths, and teach them how this stuff actually works.

You can tell people that "bad e-mails might come to your inbox", but if they understand, even at an overview level, just how shit e-mail is, then they'll show it the appropriate amount of trust.

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Obama refuses to respond to MPAA bribery claim petition

Greg J Preece
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"Maybe he's just like all of the professional politicians (AKA massive liars)"

Yep, that's pretty much it. How many of his promises did he keep again? Something about a military base, and the Defense Authorization Bill...?

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Groupon's pants 'Weight Loss HOTPANTS' ad banned

Greg J Preece
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Inability to spell?

French Connection United Kingdom.

Sure, it might be a lame ploy to sell t-shirts, but it's a valid acronym.

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Media groups propose anti-piracy 'code of practice' for UK search

Greg J Preece
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Conspicuously Absent

"The proposals were drafted by the British Recorded Music Industry (BPI), Motion Pictures Association (MPA), Producers Alliance for Cinema and Television (PACT), The Premier League and the Publishers Association..."

....and not a single search expert, or anyone who understands how the Internet works.

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Nintendo unveils Network for console connectivity

Greg J Preece
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NFC? I see where this is going.

Collectible shite you buy and rub against your console to unlock game content that should have been included with the asking price?

Yep, sounds like a Nintendo gimmick. Well, if Skylanders, Eye of Judgement and Kinectimals hadn't tried this already. Still, the Zelda fanboys are terrifying. Make a collectible ocarina that unlocks different stuff according to which song you play. They'll stab each other with replica fairy swords to get one.

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Netflix vs Lovefilm

Greg J Preece
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I just cancelled my LoveFilm account last night. Had issues with discs that had obviously been buffed to look new, but didn't work properly, and I personally thought the streaming service's selection was crap. I mean look at your own screenshots - Highlander: The Source, for fuck's sake? They don't even have the one good movie from that series!

Might trial Netflix on my PS3, but I'm not holding out hope. Maybe in a few years when the libraries have increased in size somewhat. I couldn't give two shits about the latest Michael Bay monstrosity - I want to watch *good* movies (which probably means movies from before 2000).

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Infinity Blade II

Greg J Preece
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Hold on a second there, Sonny Jim. May I bring to your attention the oft-maligned/forgotten Elder Scrolls: Redguard, which had a simple but effective parry, thrust, lunge system.

Seriously, I never got all the hating on Redguard. Sure, it's pretty different to the others, but if I wanted samey I'd play triple-A FPS games.

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Greg J Preece
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......."Ring of Ice and Fire"?

Does it sing?

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Megaupload master loses Call of Duty crown

Greg J Preece
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2:1 Ratio

For the "world's highest scoring player", that's a bit crap really.

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Greg J Preece
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FAIL

I met my neighbours, then played Super Stardust with them

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HUD's up! Ubuntu creates menu-free GUI

Greg J Preece
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This all sounds a bit rough for an LTS release...

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ITV wrist-slapped for showing video game as IRA attack

Greg J Preece
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Not saying that they're exempt, just that Bohemia likely don't care. And there are a *lot* more FPS gamers than might be readily apparent. It only takes a game to be mentioned to remind someone of it, and once the name's in your head, you're likely to recognise it on a shop shelf, etc, etc, etc. It might sound daft, but that's marketing for you.

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Greg J Preece
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Who, Bohemia? They're probably overjoyed at the publicity. As great and maddeningly lethal as their Arma (originally Operation Flashpoint) games are, they're not particularly mainstream as FPS games go.

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Starship Voyager dumped into skip

Greg J Preece
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Coffee/keyboard

"Candles = Good (Candles should never be lit)"

Captain, I appear to have nasally ejected a carbonated beverage. Should I scan it for life forms?

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Greg J Preece
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I've said it before, and I'll say it as many times as it takes for idiots to understand it: fun things do not stop being fun because you get older, and the definition of "fun" is personal. Anyone who subscribes to the notion that they may no longer do something because they have passed some magical imaginary number boundary has voluntarily made themselves more boring.

Let the nerd have his fun. That goes for his wife, too. Hell, in the current housing market, something unique like that would probably make selling easier!

Cue an internet whip-round to buy out his wife's half of the property.

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Potent proton pulse to BOMBARD EARTH Tuesday morn

Greg J Preece
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THIS THREAD

Is going on QOTW and you know it! Such an explosion over the use of EST, you filthy Americanised scumbags, you!

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MPAA threat sparks White House petition for bribery probe

Greg J Preece
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You're so right. Aspiring to better is pointless. We shouldn't be working to improve the species. Hell, the neatest things we've got are digital watches. Maybe coming down from the trees was a bad idea.

For you.

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Fans teased with Doc Who PS3 promo

Greg J Preece
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Normally I will throw knives at people who dismiss a game on graphical quality, but that looks a bit lacklustre. And my objections would not be on graphics alone - the platforming looks a bit naff too.

Besides, Dr Who hasn't been good in this millennium. Why start now?

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Russia and NASA plan to COLONISE the Moon

Greg J Preece
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You know guys, I'm not sure Jubs was being entirely serious...

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American search team fails to find women's G-spot

Greg J Preece
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I don't know what the manual is, but the Karma Sutra might be considered an advanced supplement.

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NASA shuts off Voyager 1's central heating

Greg J Preece
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The first one becomes V'Ger, because they can't read the "oya" on the nameplate.

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Fans goad Valve for Half-Life 3 gen

Greg J Preece
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I always thought OpFor was too easy, and the ending was naff, but it was a fun ride.

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Greg J Preece
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@Annihilator

In fairness, Source/HL2 also got many engine patches, including HDR, and continues to. There was also Lost Coast, and the fact that Source could run on surprisingly crap machines.

That, and Far Cry just wasn't as involving. I played it, and I really liked it at first, then halfway through I got inexplicably bored (probably around the time the cliché scientist released his cliché experiments). Crytek games are like Serious Sam games to me - I can't get involved with a tech demo.

HL2 got praised for more than the engine and how good the graphics were or weren't, and rightly so. I'd rather play Deus Ex 1 with graphics that look like arse than Halo 4 with spandangly effects, any day of the week.

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Greg J Preece
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Good bloody point! It looks soooo good, too.

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Greg J Preece
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The first example of full body modelling I ever saw was one of the Tribes games. Was it Tribes 2, or even Tribes 1? Wouldn't be surprised if it was the 1st one - that game was way ahead of its time.

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Greg J Preece
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They always do this. They did this with HL2. Just be patient, it'll turn up. They're not psycho enough to not make HL3. Besides, would you rather they rushed it?

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Google to join Wednesday's anti-SOPA protest

Greg J Preece
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"You want to block piracy? Cool, I'll support that, if in return you (a) put in place a licensing mechanism where if I buy a film / album etc I have FULL rights to copy that as many times I want onto and convert that between any format I want and to play on any device I own so long as it's for reasonable personal / family / friends use."

One word: Ultraviolet. OK, doesn't apply to music, but it may answer some of your gripes.

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Greg J Preece
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For every tech story, an XKCD

Or not, in this case.

http://www.xkcd.com/

Looks like Randall's blacked out too.

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Greg J Preece
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Wait a sec

El Reg has Cheezburger fans amongst its number? Next you'll be telling me you're members on My Little Brony.

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Steve Jobs action figure kicks the bucket

Greg J Preece
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1) You're being an unnecessary level of dick.

2) No such thing as hell.

3) This is a story on El Reg about an action figure. Calm down.

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Pirate Bay dropping torrents after magnetic attraction

Greg J Preece
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Pint

@SteveK

YOU. WIN. THE INTERNET.

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Apple Beijing store egged in botched iPhone 4S launch

Greg J Preece
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Scalpers != individuals looking to get a new iPhone...

Though I do love your attempt to protect the illustrious name of fanbois everywhere. It's adorable. "It couldn't possibly be one of the churchgoers doing this! I'll bet those scalpers were Android users!"

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Greg J Preece
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Just gotta know the shortcuts, baby. ;-) What, you think the staff are gonna walk alllll the way round? Sod that. If you keep an eye out, hidden in the maddening floor plan are shortcut doors and alleys. At our store most people would take upwards of 45 minutes walking the route on a Sunday, but I could get across it in about a minute.

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Greg J Preece
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What it means is that one egg was thrown by one guy who came back an hour later, and this is reported as "mad crowd of unemployed anti-capitalist scumbags pelt shop with missiles".

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Greg J Preece
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What's most amusing to me about this is the difference between this article and the way the Beeb reported the same story. In theirs, the overnight wait isn't mentioned, their market share is "massive", etc.

Mondo is right, though, you don't open the doors in those circumstances. When I was a PFY, I worked at IKEA, and we would occasionally hear of stampedes happening at other stores in response to offers. Off the top of my head, three people died in a crush at the Jeddah store, and the new London one had one too, though no-one was killed.

Even at our Birstall store, I had to break up several fights in the years I worked there, with customers getting violent over stuff as stupid and inexpensive as candles.

I seem to remember hearing about a new stampede a year or two ago. Evidently they haven't learned.

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Best-selling games of 2011 revealed

Greg J Preece
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Tried all of the tricks, I'm afraid. The problem even varies in magnitude between plays. Sometimes Overkill is playable with the odd recalibration, and sometimes the drift is so fast that between me calibrating and shooting the "back to game" button, there's already a 7cm drift.

It's infuriating that the Wii version is more playable, given it's on that Nintendo piece of shit, doesn't support Motion+ (none of the light gun games do) and has framerate issues up the arse. It's more infuriating that I paid for a second copy of game I alreay own, and it doesn't work properly. Same goes for Dead Space: Extraction.

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Greg J Preece
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Zero Punctuation? This guy:

http://www.escapistmagazine.com/videos/view/zero-punctuation

He's actually pretty damned funny.

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Greg J Preece
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It does seem to depend on the game. In Razing Storm, Dead Space: Extraction and House of the Dead: Overkill, I've calibrated the gun properly, held the gun steady, and watched the reticle drift off by 20, 30cm, easy. Really isn't acceptable, especially if you're fighting for rankings.

The GunCon3 has no such problems, but that only works for the Razing Storm collection.

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Greg J Preece
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Darkwind

Back on the PS2 I used to play a VR beat-em-up called Darkwind, using the Gametrak. The game was as ludicrous as all fighting games are, and had an obsession with jiggle physics that put even DOA to shame, but man you could work up a sweat on that game (not like that, you filthy sods). The gave showed a calorie readout every time you broke someone's face.

Would be interesting to see it done again, though in my experience the accuracy on the Wii and Kinect is a bit suspect, and the Move has serious, game-breaking drift issues in a lot of games - infuriatingly enough, all the rail shooters except Child of Eden.

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Greg J Preece
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Hell yes! And straight onto my list would be Bastion and Hard Reset. I never quite "got" Painkiller, pretty and violent as it was, but I loved Hard Reset. Bastion was just very very cool.

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Greg J Preece
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F**kin' football

That is all.

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UK student faces extradition to US after piracy case ruling

Greg J Preece
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What if he'd been a priacy researcher, and his website was full of the same links, but as examples of people illegally streaming TV? Would he have been extradited then? After all, he's still linking to filthy pirate scumbags, and we all know that PIRACY IS TERRORISM, at least according to the hilariously stupid unskippable warnings on my BDs.

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