414 posts • joined 19 May 2009
Aeropress = increase "length and girth"
That photo of Aeropress looks a bit familiar. Didn't they advertise in Razzle and Fiesta?
Re: Free WiFi is not a right
Yes, it must be difficult for a hotel charging £150 per night for a boxroom and no breakfast to scrape a profit if they gave away the WiFi for nothing, especially considering how much the hotel itself contributes to the upkeep of the Net.
Re: "stupid fucking idiot dipshit wanky cock-sucking Will.I.Am"
I am (slowly) compiling my first hundred SFTWS columns for publishing in book form, and I am in the process of inserting footnotes that reveal every instance in which my references to Will.I.Am were expunged.
Try saying it out loud.
- Alistair "Dr Seuss" Dabbs
Do not pass Go
Which jail did you choose to test from?
Did we just call Tim Worstall "buff"?
You're not the one who keeps getting her kit off, are you?
Re: Summoner's Tale
It may be "proper" but it is still "questionable". In terms of grammatical pedantry, "Ten Summoner's Tales" is correct. It is, however, questionable: despite being attractively concise in its three words, "Ten Summoner's Tales" is an awkward way of both (1) declaring that there is such a thing as a Summoner's Tale and (2) that there are ten of them.
It is also grammatically correct to walk into a cafe and order "one eggs and bacon" once you have established that "eggs and bacon" refers a named item on the menu rather than, oh I dunno, simply some eggs and bacon on a plate, but I would argue that the grammar, although explicable, is questionable.
Re: Ten Summoner’s Tales
The one thing that a pun is supposed to do is sound like another word. Sting's pun doesn't even have the same number of syllables.
Re: Looks like Google Translate wouldn't make a good heckler
Calling out "Boll. Oh-see-kay-ess." doesn't come close.
Hey Dom, I'll come along if there's booze.
Re: more proof of the decline of the West
Soya? Bah! We should drink REAL coffee made without milk. Or sugar. Or coffee.
Sofa? Bah! We should sit on REAL chairs made of raw oak with upturned nails on the seat.
Matress? Bah! We should sleep in a REAL bed made of a paper bag in t' middle o' road.
Yawn. I used to work with someone who used to tell me that the pizzas I liked weren't "real pizzas". Who gives a flying fuck? I'll eat what I like. I'll drink what I like.
Re: If you want a proper coffee
Why grind it up and pressurise water through it? I prefer my coffee as raw beans. Unroasted. Before they've even grown. Etc...
Re: Black coffee
To be fair, one BOFH is worth four SFTWS.
Re: or you could go even more downmarket...
Ah, now that's because Birmingham rocks big time. Seriously.
Mine's a scotch. If you're getting them in, that is.
Re: A tabloid journalist for El Reg with Fluency in English eh
A pedant writes...
'Tabloid' is not a paper size but the style of writing, even though people assume it's the other way around.
An annoying pedant adds...
'Tabloid' was a word invented to describe Alfred Harmsworth's original Daily Mail with its mix of stories, topics and pictures on each page. In serious papers, you'll have entire sections devoted to politics or international affairs. In a tabloid, you can have a political story, a weather forecast, a piece of PR shit about a celebrity and a bunch of news-in-brief stories about pets all on the same page.
I suppose I could always try the Bart Simpson approach: "My name is Hugh Janus" etc.
Reg subs startle easily? Surely you jest. Hard as effing nails, they are.
Re: don't forget train ticket barriers....
I have an unfortunate tendency to kick the barriers if they're playing up. A man in a hi-viz jacket tried to admonish me on one such occasion, but when I began ranting about how I pay X-hundreds of pounds a month for my travel pass only to have the fucking thing slam in my face, he sort of hummed and nodded as he let me through.
On the London Underground, the barriers frequently open for you and then almost immediately close as you're about halfway through. One of these slammed with such unexpected force that it caught my hand carrying my Oyster card and snapped the card in two. They had to drag me away from kicking the shit out of the thing.
Why not? It's my name. Although, I suppose in the case of Starbucks, it isn't.
So, how many Terminator quotes did you spot?
Re: Your name on the coffee 'cup'
If ever there was a photo I wish I had snapped on impulse, it was in a Costa when a Spanish barista came on-shift and signed in to the till, which then flashed up the message: "You are being served by Jesus."
>> did you make it to your user group meetup
Yes, thank you. Fortunately, nobody in the user group knows I write this column.
It's my fault for surprising the Reg subs by unexpectedly getting my column written on time.
Germany? I thought it was Japan
Perhaps I need to dig out the book again. I could have sworn the story concentrates on Japanese (not German) occupiers on the West Coast, and the occupation wasn't particularly fascist or military - it just satirised the post-war American in-all-but-name occupation of Japan. The bit with the liberal-minded Japanese visiting a shop and trying to be really nice sticks in my mind. Heck, maybe it was a different book...
Re: What's wrong with Turkey?
I have to agree, I've never met a Turk who I didn't like. But then I've never met their politicians.
Re: "Has anyone put anything in your luggage without your knowledge?"
>> those twin towers are costing me hours per trip fannying around
Strictly speaking, the most annoying fannying is the direct result of Richard Read, a Briton, and his matchstick soles and lack of braincells. Don't blame the Americans.
Re: We know, you know.
>> The police rarely ask questions they don't already know the answers to
How would they like it if I walked up to a policeman while holding a big watch and asked the time?
Re: What wonderful City?
The incident was in Lexington. I'd like to try the West Coast, if only to see if people really do live in funny mock castles like I saw on Columbo in the 70s.
Re: Don't generalize
My one trip to Boston was thoroughly enjoyable, especially sitting in a bar watching the Patriots romp home to a big win while being amazed how easy it was to speak to people without starting a fight.
I've tried this gag picturing computer-literate teenagers as being dressed in Armani suits, smelling of CK and driving Lamborghinis but readers have trouble believing it.
Re: Dabbsy, Don't Leave
Great, I'll book a venue for standup at BDF14.
>> I assume this is/was our beloved Dabbsy
T'was me. I was delighted to see this tweeted to me from Dave Green this morning. NTK made good reading and I looked forward to it every week... now no longer with us. Falco!
Re: @Milen (was: nothing but pure fancy)
By "code", I meant tapping a sequence of buttons on your game controller or a sequence of keys on your keyboard to unlock an Easter Egg.
Re: nothing but pure fancy
It has to be done with "a click" of "a button", remember. No keyboard work or browser setup. Just go to Instagram and click on a button.
My flatmate used to play this...
... when we were Uni students in the mid-1980s. I never understood the bloody thing but I guess he had more patience. He's now a financial director somewhere earning shitloads. So at least I got the last laugh... no, hang on, that's not right, is it?
Re: Google Potatohead+
Must get some of those Google Guttocks.
For my next trick, I will count to ten while drinking a glass of water.
Re: Photos photos
>> superimpose images of the Laughing Man
I thought what I'd do was, I'd pretend I was one of those deaf-mutes.
Anyone else think this reads like one of those Armstrong & Miller sketches? "It might seem funny but it happened to a friend of mine."
>> being on Youtube within the hour
Paranoia informs me that the Glass wearer is, as you suggest, merely an agent. It's Google that determines what to do with the content being collected on its behalf by these agents.
Re: Regarding the terminology problems...
Of course, the term "floppy disc" is an open invitation for you to flop it about vigorously to find out *how* floppy it is. At least, that was the case when I was at school. The very name compels you to test it out. Like "bulletproof glass".
I find that a lot of people have difficulty keeping the mouse still while double-clicking icons on a desktop. In effect, they are clicking, dragging and dropping by a few pixels, and clicking again. When the person under 60, I show them a keyboard shortcut (e.g. click once on the icon and tap the Return key) but for some reason older people enjoy the additional thrill of using the mouse two-handed: one hand to hold the mouse still and other other to do the double-click.
>> this is your first column that physically hurt me
Physically? The monitor fell over while you were reading and hit you on the head?
>> while it was switched off
I had him try some of the other computers in the same room. Two of them were 'not connected' and three others were OK. We used the ones that were OK to fiddle around with the router. Of course, all this explanation is very boring to read so I didn't write it up in the column.
My mum's TV
Actually I'm on my way up to Leeds to sort out my mum's TV. She says she can't get Sky any more, even though a Sky engineer set it up for her this week. When I asked if her TV was working OK, she said she'd pulled all the power cables out the back. I suppose that's why she can't get Sky.
Re: Good practice
It's a long story.
Re: "It’s not fit for purpose"
No, I didn't say any of those things. But wouldn't I have looked smart if I had?
Re: Does my budget look big in this
>> here I am stuck in the office commenting on your comment so who am I to judge
That's both of our Friday afternoons wasted. I won't tell anyone if you don't.
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