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* Posts by Alistair Dabbs

382 posts • joined 19 May 2009

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Unbridled BONKING and rampant ROGERING at YOUR office!

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Stereotypes

I've tried this gag picturing computer-literate teenagers as being dressed in Armani suits, smelling of CK and driving Lamborghinis but readers have trouble believing it.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Dabbsy, Don't Leave

Great, I'll book a venue for standup at BDF14.

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Alistair Dabbs
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>> I assume this is/was our beloved Dabbsy

T'was me. I was delighted to see this tweeted to me from Dave Green this morning. NTK made good reading and I looked forward to it every week... now no longer with us. Falco!

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: @Milen (was: nothing but pure fancy)

By "code", I meant tapping a sequence of buttons on your game controller or a sequence of keys on your keyboard to unlock an Easter Egg.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: nothing but pure fancy

It has to be done with "a click" of "a button", remember. No keyboard work or browser setup. Just go to Instagram and click on a button.

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Running the Gauntlet: Atari's classic ... now and then

Alistair Dabbs
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My flatmate used to play this...

... when we were Uni students in the mid-1980s. I never understood the bloody thing but I guess he had more patience. He's now a financial director somewhere earning shitloads. So at least I got the last laugh... no, hang on, that's not right, is it?

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The final score: Gramophones 1 – Glassholes 0

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Google Potatohead+

Must get some of those Google Guttocks.

For my next trick, I will count to ten while drinking a glass of water.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Photos photos

>> superimpose images of the Laughing Man

I thought what I'd do was, I'd pretend I was one of those deaf-mutes.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Hmmm

Anyone else think this reads like one of those Armstrong & Miller sketches? "It might seem funny but it happened to a friend of mine."

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Alistair Dabbs
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>> being on Youtube within the hour

Paranoia informs me that the Glass wearer is, as you suggest, merely an agent. It's Google that determines what to do with the content being collected on its behalf by these agents.

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You 'posted' a 'letter' with Outlook... No, NO, that's the MONITOR

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Regarding the terminology problems...

Of course, the term "floppy disc" is an open invitation for you to flop it about vigorously to find out *how* floppy it is. At least, that was the case when I was at school. The very name compels you to test it out. Like "bulletproof glass".

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Parents

I find that a lot of people have difficulty keeping the mouse still while double-clicking icons on a desktop. In effect, they are clicking, dragging and dropping by a few pixels, and clicking again. When the person under 60, I show them a keyboard shortcut (e.g. click once on the icon and tap the Return key) but for some reason older people enjoy the additional thrill of using the mouse two-handed: one hand to hold the mouse still and other other to do the double-click.

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Alistair Dabbs
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>> this is your first column that physically hurt me

Physically? The monitor fell over while you were reading and hit you on the head?

Oh pedantry...

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Alistair Dabbs
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>> while it was switched off

I had him try some of the other computers in the same room. Two of them were 'not connected' and three others were OK. We used the ones that were OK to fiddle around with the router. Of course, all this explanation is very boring to read so I didn't write it up in the column.

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Alistair Dabbs
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My mum's TV

Actually I'm on my way up to Leeds to sort out my mum's TV. She says she can't get Sky any more, even though a Sky engineer set it up for her this week. When I asked if her TV was working OK, she said she'd pulled all the power cables out the back. I suppose that's why she can't get Sky.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Good practice

It's a long story.

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You need a list of specific unknowns we may encounter? Huh?

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: "It’s not fit for purpose"

No, I didn't say any of those things. But wouldn't I have looked smart if I had?

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Does my budget look big in this

>> here I am stuck in the office commenting on your comment so who am I to judge

That's both of our Friday afternoons wasted. I won't tell anyone if you don't.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Familiar story

>> That is because contractors tend to breeze in and give recommendations ignoring half of the spec, constraints and budget, then proceed to sit back...<<

I fear you may be confusing contractors with consultants.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: I have instructed my lawyers Mr Dabbs

Sorry, I didn't realise you did stand-up. Are you sysadmin for The Comedy Store?

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Does my budget look big in this

I completely forgot to congratulate the clever fellow this week who signed up to Twitter and LinkedIn as "Hank Waggenburger III" complete with public profile apparently for the sole purpose of inviting me to join his networks.

Also props to the very real "Mr N Waggenburger" who also took the trouble to invite me.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Back in my past

Heh. Reminds me when one of the shouty bosses was visited by HIS American bosses one summer and I was asked to prepare some teas, coffees and "a water". No-one had asked for plain water before. The water cooler's cooler hadn't worked since long before I started there, so I duly served up a plastic cup of warm water, which she impressively spat out on the meeting room floor.

Cue a bit of admonishing etc from the shouty man... then, when no-one else was looking, he sidled up, whispered an apology, thrust some cash in my hands and asked me to nip down the newsagent and buy a bottle of chilled Evian. Sorted.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: @Dabbsy

Bloody hell, you scared me for a moment, there. There are people who read my column who recognise who I'm talking about. I just hope it never gets read by people who recognise themselves.

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DON’T add me to your social network, I have NO IDEA who you are

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Swirling JDs??

Agree about the English Whisky Company. Tried some at a London and Partners event, and it was very nice.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Swirling JDs??

I've had a bit of a Scotch overdose over the past year. I'm now sampling the watered-down stuff from the US and Ireland that doesn't give me heartburn.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Good article

Given my modest height, I suppose I could be a Will Self mini-me.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: It's a proper Friday now..

It was a "proper Friday" last Friday too but not many readers noticed. Thank you for hanging in there while I languished in bed.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: b*stards

I was dreading having to compensate everyone for their lost time in being forced, yes FORCED, to read my old copy a second time AND for making them write a new comment.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: b*stards

I can't begin to describe the tsunami of invitations piling into my LinkedIn account today...

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London Tech Week: All for the luvvies and the joke's on you, taxpayers

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: The real question is...

Why, wanna be my Plus-One?

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Move over, John Pilger, let us IT scandal-mongerers stick it to you

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Can I get some clarification here?

That's correct. You understand it perfectly.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Are you..

Bless you for the suggestion, Zog but I would have been a tweenager at the time.

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I am NOT a PC repair man. I will NOT get your iPad working

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Can I just check

I'm thinking El Reg may as well just keep reposting this specific column and let everyone get on with it. It would be cheaper than asking me to write a new one every week.

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Look, pal, it’s YOUR password so it’s YOUR fault that it's gone AWOL

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: >> I always wanted to be Mr Tickle

>> Friday Note to El-Reg Footer Writers: Go to the pub. even the f**king writers don't read your sh1t!

Not true. Not only do I read that sh1t, I write that sh1t myself.

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Alistair Dabbs
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>> I always wanted to be Mr Tickle

Is that a pertinent comment or a quote from the Rolf Harris trial?

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Happened to me with Vodafone

In this most recent instance, they had a record of the specific shop that the mobile handsets had been picked up from, along with the date, my address and an unusual variation on my full name. The customer services man was polite and reassuring that I had nothing to worry about but also very firm in refusing to provide me with any more details about what had happened.

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Alistair Dabbs
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>> Is that a deliberate error?

Oh how I wish my errors were deliberate.

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Cloud computing is FAIL and here’s why

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: I will probably be torched as a heretic, but here goes...

Well argued, Mr Pants. My point, clumsily made, was that if the model cannot be reliably enabled, this itself invalidates the model. A model that's perfect in theory only is no good to me.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Clouds are so last week

I don't feel nearly as cynical about the IoT. In fact I find the potential quite exciting. I'm also sold on cloud and SaaS ... but that's no reason why I shouldn't shout out when they go wrong.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Hang on a minute

>> the simplest form of journalism

That's the kind I like!

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Twaddle

Twaddle, OK, fair comment. But all the points you raise were tackled in the story.

>>If you were to say that there can be a fundamental problem with SaaS implementations that tie functionality requiring no online component, to the need for an online connection then I'm with you

I see you've never had to write a punchy, provocative headline before.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: "Cloud computing is shite."

Absolutely agree. Terrible piece of journalism. I think you should complain.

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Graphics pros left hanging as Adobe Creative Cloud outage nears 24 hours

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: A storm in a tea cup

Jan, not all of Adobe's CC products are installed on your machine. Some of them really are cloud-only and really have been utterly unavailable during this outage. Some of these are mission-critical, core business apps, not just graphics packages.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Why not have a short grace period for licenses?

Grace period is not relevant. Some of Adobe's services are strictly cloud-based, such as Adobe DPS. This means no DPS-based iPad and Android editions of magazines or newspapers can be being published at the moment - hugely expensive for some, a financial disaster for others. Some national newspapers were unable to publish this morning.

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Quick Q: How many FLOPPIES do I need for 16 MILLION image files?

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Save icon

Thanks for the photo Stuart but a Save button, such as the one you see in any MS Office ribbon bar, does not look like an 8in or 5.25in floppy. Save button icons depict a 3.5in disk with sliding metal shutter. Oh god, I bore myself at times.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: we have lost something along the way

>> I'm In a field.. In West Wales and I can still access the sum of human knowledge.

Therein lies the problem: with all the power of mobile networking at your fingertips, you chose to read 'Something for the Weekend, Sir?' on a Friday afternoon.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: >> Average shot off camera is 25MB

I'm afraid the article about self-publishing will have to wait. I got all fired up to write it during the London Book Fair but by the time I could track down the right people to answer my more difficult questions, ten days had flown by and it lost its topicality. I might tackle it anew if I can tie it in with another major publishing event.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: ubie

>> the one museum left unmentioned: the Museum of Computing in Swindon.

Yes but London and Bradford are places that people go *to*.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: MacFormat

I wrote for MacFormat in the 1990s but eventually stopped because they took an average of a year and a half to settle any of my invoices.

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Alistair Dabbs
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>> Average shot off camera is 25MB

I was thinking about this the other day when trying to write an abortive piece for El Reg on independent book publishing systems. There are print-on-demand shysters out there ripping off authors by charging them rent (yes, RENT) for storing their books as PDFs. A novel in PDF format is unlikely to exceed 3MB.

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