* Posts by Alistair Dabbs

820 posts • joined 19 May 2009

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You want SaaS? Don't bother, darling, your kind can't afford it

Alistair Dabbs

Re: Ah, the lure of "the cloud"...

Not at all. I can export all data to XLS, CSV and Sage. My provider adds features frequently and has an API that links into other SaaS products from other developers.

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Alistair Dabbs

Re: 'semi-automation using Zapier'

The free version supports a handful of two-step workflows, which is all my local micro-gym needs. But don't tell him I said so.

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Alistair Dabbs

>> I thought you said you were a Tech Journalist?

I can be whatever I want to be. I learnt that off Spongebob Squarepants.

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Customer data security is our highest priori- ha ha ha whatever, suckers

Alistair Dabbs

Re: Blame the (L)user

Gawd, I'm reminded of the weeks of hassle I had at one newspaper company in 2010 simply to persuade someone high up in the IT department to allow me - and only me out of thousands of employees and contractors - access to a Dropbox account from a company PC.

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Alistair Dabbs

Re: Aw poo.

I don't know why the video isn't playing - normally YouTube makes it clear when a video doesn't want to be embedded (rather than letting you embed it but not let you play it).

You can watch it here.

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A cardboard desk? I won’t stand for it (actually I will)

Alistair Dabbs

Re: More testing needed

The legs are stable and very strong: they are composed of multiple layers glued together, about 1.5cm thick. I admit it's a challenge to ensure a taut fit when slotting them in place without creasing any other part or crushing the corners of the slots. But as my mini video demonstrates, the forward-backward stability might be like a rock but side-to-side is a bit creaky.

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Any questions? No, not you again at the back, please God no

Alistair Dabbs

Re: Why Safari?

The compass icon idea was ripped off Netscape Navigator but Apple knew by then Netscape was too irrelevant to fight back.

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Alistair Dabbs

Re: Fear of flying

>> Three guys got vomitted on by some poor woman.

I hear that some men will pay for that sort of thing.

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Getting your tongue around foreign tech-talk is easier than you think

Alistair Dabbs

Re: Auld Alliance vs Perfidious Albion

I assure you if there's another Scottish referendum to quit the UK, I will be first in line to apply for a Scottish passport.

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Alistair Dabbs

Re: Bigger vegetables?

I'm a vegetarian.

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Alistair Dabbs

Re: Destination

Not hot enough, sorry, and I can't afford it.

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Alistair Dabbs

Re: Cul de sac

>> And we talk about réalité virtuelle, intelligence artificielle and objets connectés

Not at that meeting. The presenter kept referring to "ee-oh-tay" until someone had to stop her and ask what she was talking about.

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Apple’s macOS Sierra update really puts the fan into 'fanboi'

Alistair Dabbs

Re: Alistair Dabbs' writing style gives me a headache.

And if it had been a podcast it would give you eye strain?

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Alistair Dabbs

Re: Try safari clean start

I'm finding Chrome surprisingly well-behaved on the Mac, given what a resource hog it has usually been under Windows.

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Alistair Dabbs

Re: Hang on Dabbsy

Bloody hell, AT LAST! I was beginning to wonder why I bother with these nerd gags if no-one gets them.

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Alistair Dabbs

Swinsian

Thanks for the tip on Swinsian but I don't use iTunes for playing music. I use it to sync my iOS devices, and I have lots of them because of my work. I could do it all via iCloud but I'd run out of space up there immediately and be forced to pay Apple for more storage etc... and STILL have to use iTunes to manage it all.

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Invasion of the virus-addled lightbulbs (and other banana stories)

Alistair Dabbs

Re: Acid Burn's slacks

I take it you are the co-respondent to Brad Pitt's suit?

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Pull the plug! PowerPoint may kill my conference audience

Alistair Dabbs

Disinterested

You suspect wrong. I know what disinterested means and it is the word I intended. It means impartial: the audience was impassive because they didn't care one way or another. If they were bored, they would not have been siting still.

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Alistair Dabbs

No, I intended "diffusing"

It's no odder than "defusing" a punch-up.

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Paint your wagon (with electric circuits) but leave my crotch alone

Alistair Dabbs

>> modern shower frames

This guy did exactly as you said. The water poured into the seams on the interior, trickled into the screw holes and soaked into the wall. A week later, the paint on the other side of the wall was bubbling up and flaking away, along with the plaster.

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My headset is reading my mind and talking behind my back

Alistair Dabbs

Re: Actually, Dabbsey hasn't lost a bit of weight

Would you rather I reported my progressive fat loss in terms of specific density?

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Alistair Dabbs

Re: Not "fat-burning" per se

It's not my description, it's theirs. Go to their website and see for yourself.

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The curious case of a wearables cynic and his enduring fat bastardry

Alistair Dabbs

Re: On the air?

It claims to tally how many steps you climb through the day. I don't think it's necessary to leave the ground without the assistance of stairs.

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Alistair Dabbs

Re: Well, Alistair,

I'd buy my tech gear at Primark if they sold it.

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Alistair Dabbs

Re: Fat chance

There are loads of 28in waist trousers and skinny fittings at Top Man. Jeans, chinos, whatever.

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Alistair Dabbs

Re: To acquire fitness, you have to pickup heavy shit

My regime is not limited to putting on a Fitbit and smiling inwardly. I didn't want to bore you all further with my fitness regime, this not being a Daily Mail "I used to be a fat c*nt" article.

I go to my local gym for cardio and do a lot more walking generally. The boss at my gym, an ex-army beefcake with shoulder muscles the size of footballs, is now nagging me to increase my weight-training so that I don't end up scrawny.

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Render crashing PCs back to their component silicon: They deserve it

Alistair Dabbs

Re: Windows getting its own back on you?

Her naughty computer is a Mac. Linux is out of the question due to compatibility issues with the Word and Excel files she is sent. Don't tell me there are Word-compatible applications on Linux - I've head it all before, they are not fully compatible. They send the formatting crazy, reflow the text, tear tables apart and balk at docx files.

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The return of (drone) robot wars: Beware of low-flying freezers

Alistair Dabbs

Re: Deliver by underground conveyor

I take it you are not aware that London's three big Royal Mail sorting offices were connected by a private underground railway. Royal Mail stopped using it when they decided to make its delivery service shit, and I hear that the new owners when the business got sold off (on the cheap) did not even realise they had bought a secret underground railway along with the buildings.

There was talk a couple of years ago about opening it up as a tourist attraction but I haven't heard anything since.

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She wants it. She needs it. Shall I give it to her or keep doing it by myself?

Alistair Dabbs

Re: Reading this leaves me with one simple question...

I didn't know which files she wanted to restore. Neither did she, as the story recounts. Or wasn't that bit obvious enough?

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Alistair Dabbs

Re: Sham about the image

It's not a sham, it's a real image. I picked it because its underlying references to a publishing office, a man and a woman talking to each other, being in the past, and of course because it's Friday. It's not supposed to be an illustration of the actual events related in my story, which BTW isn't a true one anyway.

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Gaming apps, mugging and bad case of bruised Pokéballs

Alistair Dabbs

Re: Journalism?

It's not journalism, it's a weekly column in which I talk bollocks in order to provoke readers into commenting. It seems to be working.

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Alistair Dabbs

Re: What's wrong with cartoons?

Indeed. I wrote the sleeve notes for 40 "classic" anime titles republished by Manga Entertainment. It meant I had to watch Urotsukidoji a few more times...

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You can’t sit there, my IoT desk tells me

Alistair Dabbs

Re: Ouch

Id like to keep the keyboard close but then I'd have to stretch out for the mouse, which causes more trouble with the old carpel tunnels.

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Alistair Dabbs

Re: @AN I know that feeling well...

>> Imagine if your work buddies hacked your desk? Not cool!

This really isn't a laughing matter, you know.

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Alistair Dabbs

Re: Daruma

Well spotted. My wish was too ambitious, I fear, and he will remain squinting forever. Or should I apply some Tippex and start again, do you think?

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A trip to the Twilight Zone with a support guy called Iron Maiden

Alistair Dabbs

Re: "Electing the European Commission may not be a plebiscite"

>> fu*k off Mr Dabbs

He's an angry elf.

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Alistair Dabbs

Re: Not sure it's your brain Dabsy

I am a little dyslexic but thankfully I know how to spell "lose".

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I want to learn about gamification but all I see is same-ification

Alistair Dabbs

>> lack of women in programming

I wasn't aware that I made any statement implying bias or suggesting positive discrimination as a solution. You imagined it in your angry head.

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Should we teach our kids how to program humanity out of existence?

Alistair Dabbs

Barista spelling

I'm not talking about writing "Claire" instead of "Clare". I would simply like to state "Alistair" and not have the barista write "Alice".

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Lester Haines: RIP

Alistair Dabbs

Upsetting

I hardly know what to say. He felt like part of the family.

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In-flight movies via BYOD? Just what I always wan... argh no we’re all going to die!

Alistair Dabbs

Re: "never fails to amaze and appall"

This word can be spelt with one L or two. Choosing the spelling that does not happen to be your favourite doesn't mean it's wrong.

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Being an IT trainer is like performing the bullet-catching trick

Alistair Dabbs

Re: AND a better picture...

I'm disappointed no-one recognised the photo. It's Chung Ling Soo, the world-famous conjuror, who died on a London stage in 1918 while performing the notorious bullet-catching trick. He was an enigma: it turned out he wasn't Chinese at all but an American who maintained his pseudo Chinese disguise on and off-stage for years. The Christian Bale & Hugh Jackman movie "The Prestige" includes a sequence based on him.

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Alistair Dabbs

Re: Footwear

It was a spoof pisstake on Disturbed.

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Alistair Dabbs

Re: Footwear

You might like this.

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Ooh missus, get a grip on my notifications

Alistair Dabbs

Re: "My problem is with predictive text, "

You are a good judge of character because the Renault Scenic is the car I drive. Luckily for me, it is 17 years old, starts with a key and it's only inhibitor is the weediness of the engine itself.

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Alistair Dabbs

Re: Bah!

Mine starts with a strip: I peel it off and find it's already sticky. Then it's just a matter of ensuring the head is applied the right way up.

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Alistair Dabbs

Re: Ali, eh?

I could always run for London mayor.

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You can always rely on the Ancient Ones to cock things up

Alistair Dabbs

Re: Wait, what!?

It was an easy password to remember since there was no minimum character number requirement on that system. It had three letters.

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Alistair Dabbs

Re: Blood Sacrifice

I have a cousin who, when he was a designer at The Times, would come home each day with an ink smear across his forehead. He couldn't explain where it came from as he generally didn't visit the presses.

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Alistair Dabbs

Re: Reference to Thoth coupled with a previous reference to Aleister Crowley

Not the sort of thing I'd admt to or deny.

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