Feeds

* Posts by Alistair Dabbs

458 posts • joined 19 May 2009

Page:

SKYPE has the HOTS for my NAKED WIFE

Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Hmmm.....

I imagine Skype must have the pics.

0
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

I have a plaster stuck over my webcam

That's just a sticking plaster solution, though.

1
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: MS are making Skype unusuable

Sure, why allow the American security services to read all your Skype conversations when you can let the Chinese authorities do it instead?

0
0

Sign off my IT project or I’ll PHONE your MUM

Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Small company similar issue

AND when they got home, they'd be in Sunderland.

14
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Small company similar issue

>>Awesome article, Yours are some of the best that I read on the reg.

You're all very flattering this weekend. Whatever happened to the "I want The Reg to refund the lost 10 minutes of my life reading that crap" brigade?

0
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: The right question is not if you should call her mom

Why should I call her mom? She's not my mom.

0
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

>> Now, who was this musical entertainer?

His name is given in the main text of this week's column but you might have to work it out. Do you know what an 'acrostic' is?

2
0

Take CTRL! Shallow minds ponder the DEEP spectre of DARK CACHE

Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: CTRL-C

OK, next time I walk into a room of users, I will ask for a show of hands:

- who needs to copy and paste text?

and

- who needs to suspend or abort a run?

7
4
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: De Bios, she is incompatible..

I am intrigued. In what language would 'BIOS' be a feminine noun?

0
0

El Reg Christmas Lectures to span space, big data and GCHQ

Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Similarly bright people

Looking forward to the hand-crafted beer. I can't stand it when they it with their elbows.

2
0

What’s the KEYBOARD SHORTCUT for Delete?! Look in a contextual menu, fool!

Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Your shortcut gems?

F1 (Help)

9
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Formatting in WordPerfect 5.1

Despite everything I've said, a lot of key-driven programs weren't very nice at all. Half-Life Wife and I cut our word processing er teeth on WordStar. I hated it. All that Ctrl+K blocking fuss in order to format something was possibly the stupidest way of selecting text I can think of. WordPerfect got a lot of good PR but it was just as bad. So was Word.

2
1
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Text editting

>> the requirement for curses to optimise screen updates

I knew it: cursing at the screen works!

5
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Old dogs, new tricks

Yes, I spent a year working opposite someone who typed like he was playing whack-a-mole.

1
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: touch

You remapped AltGr? How does your friend type a fodda?

0
0

CURSE YOU, 'streaming' music services! I want a bloody CD

Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: You've done it now

An irish policeman walks into a bar at BBC Media Centre and offers to buy everyone a drink. While taking the orders, he turns to a few 1970s DJs sitting at a nearby table and asks: "And you t'ree?"

3
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Streaming wins

>>Of my parent's collections I listen to precisely nothing

How tragic. It was through my parents' record collection that I discovered Led Zeppelin, The Nice, trade jazz and reggae. Still, there's plenty of Will.I.Am for your kids to discover on their own, eh?

9
1
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

>> royalties from broadcast radio-play

I'm not talking about the silly charge that Performing Rights hit offices and garages with. I mean what radio stations pay to play each track. All artists receive the same rate.

0
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: A question

Not only more effective but curiously less offensive.

1
0

Oh God the RUBBER on my SHAFT has gone wrong and is STICKING to things

Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

>>P.S. Tim Cook is a cold hearted bastard for foisting that crap on us

>>So is U2...

And they're both Ireland-based tax dodgers, so it's trebles all round.

7
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Project managers

My experience of project managers has been generally good, so perhaps I'm lucky.

1
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

>> double entendres about my shaft

I have been known to use the tip of my shaft to pick food out of my teeth.

Coincidentally, I have chronic neck pain.

11
0

The Apple Watch and CROTCH RUBBING. How are they related?

Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Traci?

I only gave her as an example because that's the only pornstar I could name from the 1980s, and THAT'S only because I found out when she had a small part in 'Cry Baby'.

0
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Phone Cameras...

And to be fair, I hadn't shaved for a couple of days, I hadn't brushed what's left of my hair, let alone gelled it, and the photos were taken in my kitchen at 4.30am. You may have noticed that I'm still wearing pyjamas.

0
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Watch the whole two hour Apple event

>> how very mildly amusing

I absolutely MUST print that endorsement on the back of my book.

1
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Phone Cameras...

Ah now there is a journalistic tradition for outdated byline photos to which I am simply adhering out of professional conformity.

2
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Half Man Half Biscuit

In an alternative world, Apple could have done this by mistake, inviting U2 to perform but accidentally releasing HMHB's 'Achtung Bono' album to the world.

1
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: At least on the bright side

First world problems, quite: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwvlbJ0h35A

0
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: This article was published because WHY?

It was published with the sole intention of annoying YOU, Derek. Just you, no-one else. Feel free to come back any time and read it again if you wish to be annoyed further.

34
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: U2

No, The Joshua Tree wasn't an album. It was a multimedia marketing exercise in taking money off Americans, with its silly cowboy hats and radio-friendly pop-rock.

2
1

IT jargon is absolutely REAMED with sexual double-entendres

Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Firmware

She giggles when you're writing firmware, or when you're writing "firmware". Only, the first doesn't seem very funny.

0
1
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: SCSI port...

My worry is that she may have been saying "scuzzy", which gives the expression an entirely different emphasis.

3
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Weak

No, no, you haven't got the hang of this. You're supposed to say that X minutes of your life was wasted reading the column and that you want cash recompense. Join the queue, pal.

12
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Alistair Dabbs

>> the Will Self of the IT world

Except much shorter, poorer and less likely to get published in New Statesman or The Guardian. I know this because I tried.

1
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: re: Blind spot is another metaphor

Love the pedantry and all that, but I am compelled to retort. I said that my use of the expression "blind spot" in its context was a metaphor AND that my retinas were OK. I never wrote that my retinas lacked actual, non-metaphoric blind spots.

8
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Pegging order?

>> illuminate them to the receiver's perspective

The receiver? Illuminate? Are we talking about a light-up telephone here?

2
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Pegging order?

Pecking, exactly. Is 'pecking' another sexual euphemism?

6
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Everything is an innuendo

And yet it was Watson who moved out of Baker Street and got married. I surmise that Holmes never outgrew the innocent follies of youth.

5
1

Weekend reads: Colorless Tsukuru, Kool Korea and strange encounters with IKEA wardrobes

Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Murakami does chic-lit

My favourite is 'Hard Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World' but I agree that 'Wind Up Bird Chronicle' would be a good place to start because it's at least based in reality. I was told to start with one of the short-story collections 'After the Quake' but I found it rather dull, as are all the others, compared to his novels.

0
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Murakami does chic-lit

Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki was a big disappointment. I prefer it when Murakami does surrealist adventure. This book was more like a Danielle Steel romance. While this is probably akin to his early works such as Sputnik Sweetheart, I will think twice before rushing to buy "the latest Murakami" again.

0
0

If you think 3D printing is just firing blanks, just you wait

Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

personal computer in their home

Ah now this gets to the crux of the matter and one of the themes of this week's column.

Did any home in the 1970s and early 80s have any use for a personal computer? Hey, I'd have loved an Intel i7 ultrabook connected to the Internet by IEEE 802.11n in 1980 ... but you know what? All they had were BBC Micros and ZX Spectrums, which were of NO use to the average home, unless you include being able to play a version of Pong as "useful".

So my observation is that I'm sick of people telling me how orgasmic 3D printing is when it isn't... yet. Sure, I could let the market decide, which is another way of saying: "Don't tell anyone how crap the products are at the moment! Let them spend their money based on wild rumour and misleading PR and then find out for themselves!" It's an interesting approach but not one that I subscribe to.

0
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Imagine if you could print the kits

If you could print the kits, why not just print the finished object? In fact, why not print the finished object inside a sealed box, stick it on top of a wardrobe and have done with it?

2
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: "Fuck yeah!"

Never question irony.

0
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Something for the weekend?

>> The weekend is almost over sir

I am aware of this. We may change the name of this column to: "Something That No-one Will Read, Sir?"

1
0

Best shot: Coffee - how do you brew?

Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Aeropress = increase "length and girth"

That photo of Aeropress looks a bit familiar. Didn't they advertise in Razzle and Fiesta?

3
1

I’ve never paid for it in my life... we are talking Wi-Fi, right?

Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Free WiFi is not a right

Yes, it must be difficult for a hotel charging £150 per night for a boxroom and no breakfast to scrape a profit if they gave away the WiFi for nothing, especially considering how much the hotel itself contributes to the upkeep of the Net.

7
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: "stupid fucking idiot dipshit wanky cock-sucking Will.I.Am"

I am (slowly) compiling my first hundred SFTWS columns for publishing in book form, and I am in the process of inserting footnotes that reveal every instance in which my references to Will.I.Am were expunged.

5
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: !not

Try saying it out loud.

- Alistair "Dr Seuss" Dabbs

5
0

Roll up for El Reg's 3G/4G MONOPOLY DATA PUB CRAWL

Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Do not pass Go

Which jail did you choose to test from?

2
0

The Register to boldly go where no Vulture has gone before: The WEEKEND

Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

phwoar

Did we just call Tim Worstall "buff"?

1
0

Page: