* Posts by Alistair Dabbs

746 posts • joined 19 May 2009

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Send tortuous stand-up ‘nine-thirty’ meetings back to the dark ages

Alistair Dabbs
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I can forgive Martin Rushent for "Dare" because of the wonderful pair of albums he produced for Pete Shelley at around the same time.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: You should have a meeting to discuss the number of meetings.

I wondered this about project management software developers. They must have project management software to manage their project management software. And if GitHub doesn't wirk, do you report it on GitHub? Do Jira testers record issues about Jira in Jira?

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Who would code a self-destruct feature into their own web browser? Oh, hello, Apple

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: French slang?

"Zizzi" is what children say. "Bite" is the vulgar version once a French child has been upgraded to adult.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: come on now Mr Dabbs

You use Apple Mail? What, are you insane???

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'Printer Ready'. Er… you actually want to print? What, right now?

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: I actually manage a printer hotline.

Don't stop there! Tell us more.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: adobe reader

Speaking from personal experience, the genuinely nice people who work at Adobe simply won't be told. Any attempt to point out the ridiculousness of its application UIs is regarded as negative feedback and summarily dismissed. Any attempt to draw attention to the many, regular and frankly immense failings of its cloud-based systems is treated by them as the product of irrational hostility and, again, dismissed.

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AI no longer needs to fake it. Just don't try talking to your robots

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: WTF?!

Even less intelligence is required to design a commentard trolling program!

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Five technologies you shouldn't bother looking out for in 2016

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: 4G

Readers may be pleased to learn that yesterday I upgraded my SIM to support 4G. I thoroughly enjoyed my 4G experience, all 2 minutes of it, before it fell back to 3G. I have not seen "4G" next to the signal bars ever since.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: From Hamlet

The passage you quote demonstrates how Hamlet is losing his paranoid marbles at this point. "Methinks" is a different way of writing "I think" while under the wholly false impression that it makes one sound clever. Clearly youthinks otherwise. What do theythinks?

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: FaceWatch

Upvoted for the Mean Machine reference.

"Gonna go up to 3 on ya. Oh, it's dropped down to 2G... Edge... GPRS... tin cans with string... stories swapped over a campfire... etc"

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Lazy journalism methinks

I am lazy and I am a journalist, so you are right on both counts. However, you used the word "methinks", which immediately devalues anything you might say. Avoid this word in future.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Five technologies you shouldn't bother looking out for in 2016

I was going to write about 10 technologies but I got bored after writing the first five.

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Smartphone hard, dudes, like it’s the end of the world!

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Best article ever.

An increase in readership will improve my chances of survival here on The Reg, so a bit of social media sharing by readers will help...

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: impressive memory!

Beg your pardon, I didn't realise anyone still put phone numbers on their SIM, other than my Mum.

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If it still works six months from now, count yourself lucky

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Apple accredited journalist

That would be nice if it was true. The reason I say what I like about my computer kit is that I pay for it.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Update on that Microsoft Surface Pro

Last night, my incorrectly assembled colleague messaged an update:

"So...Microsoft took my new surface in for repairs, found the problem unfixable and sent me a second hand scratched and creaky "refurbished" replacement."

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: bit ranty

Ah, I see you're new here. It works like this: I have nothing original or interesting to say. If you're looking for a point to SFTWS, you've missed the point.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Shame on you Mr Dabbs

Naturally, I took these PCs to my local Recycling Centre after removing the components I could re-use. I am under no illusion that someone with a screwdriver then picked apart the rest and carefully melted it all down for re-use. It will have ended up in landfill somewhere, possibly in the ocean, possibly in Italy or China. If it makes you feel happier to believe that they didn't end up as landfill, please go ahead.

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JD Wetherspoon: A 'hacker' nicks 650,000 pub-goers' data

Alistair Dabbs
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Happy hour

The hacker only wanted 325,000 records but there was a two-for-one offer.

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So why exactly are IT investors so utterly clueless?

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Bottoms

snigger

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: chav relatives and visitors

No surprise there. While my wife spent the day in hospital after giving birth to our daughter the night before, the boyfriend of another woman in the same maternity ward came to visit, sat down and promptly lit up a cigarette. He was genuinely shocked when told that smoking wasn't permitted in a hospital ward at all, let alone two feet from his own newborn baby.

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IT pros are a bunch of wedding and funeral-dodging sickos

Alistair Dabbs
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Mystical creatures

I had a colleague who was small and skinny, who wouldn't bother to speak to the users but simply turn up and immediately crawl around under their desks to sort out cabling, etc. Users would refer to him as "the computer goblin".

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Love your IoT gadget but could you keep the noise down?

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Aggh!

Remember you'll need to change the order of the tracks on the CD version to match the original (and best) running order of the vinyl album.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Xmas gift

You thought of your boss when I wrote "Anal Sex"?

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: TGIF

Runaway's just a rip-off of 2000AD's Sam Slade, with all the jokes stripped out and a moustache pasted on.

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Let's get to the bottom of in-app purchases that go titsup

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Formica

>> Ra Ra Rasputin

Can I be the first to comment that it was shame how he carried on? Thank you.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Curiously, I am unable to play Dabbsy's supplied videos...

All three are share links to YouTube. Online movie streaming really is crap, isn't it?

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Set Top Box - new acronym

Box Under The Television.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Executive summary

To be fair, CHC still has an outstanding collection and I may try their app again later if I get drunk and lose the ability to reason. It's my birthday weekend, so this may well happen

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Old TVs

If your TV had a remote control when you were a child, you are clearly not old enough. The closest I got to a TV remote control before my mid-20s was a foam rubber joke brick we used to throw at the set to push in the OFF button.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Sacrebleu

Brits can pronounce it but Americans such as John Updike might not. I also hear that they refer to Van Gogh as "Van Goe" and that even Weird Al Yankovic pronounces his surname "Yankovick".

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The only GOOD DRONE is a DEAD DRONE. Y'hear me, scumbags?!

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: "The only GOOD DRONE is a DEAD DRONE. Y'hear me, scumbags?!"

>> Yes, all gun owners are psychopaths

It's a good job I explicitly wrote in my column that gun owners are NOT all psychopaths. If you want to get all wound up and angry over nothing, be my guest. Downvote all you like.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Lynx

Oh the irony of misspelling a word as "spelling".

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: "The only GOOD DRONE is a DEAD DRONE. Y'hear me, scumbags?!"

I don't see anything mean or aggressive in these posts. It's all fair comment. I do hate having to explain everything but if it helps, this week's column wasn't about gun ownership.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: "The only GOOD DRONE is a DEAD DRONE. Y'hear me, scumbags?!"

It is a matter of personal opinion, of course, but I feel that a family man with a shotgun in the house is, by definition, a psychopath in training.

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If MR ROBOT was realistic, he’d be in an Iron Maiden t-shirt and SMELL of WEE

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Mr. Strawman

>> extremely childish and lazy

At least someone gets me here. I have no credibility to damage.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Poop writers

Yes!!!

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: “blip blip blip”

It's as if they had a dialogue coach for the key presses. Cab Calloway, perhaps.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Hollywood hacking

And I hope Graham Linehan sued the screenwriters of Scorpion for nicking his idea. Scene begins at 17:46.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: urine-filled bottles

Read this story at The Reg.

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Self-driving vehicles might be autonomous but insurance pay-outs probably won't be

Alistair Dabbs
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>> An earth pin made of plastic is not an earth pin.

OK, describe to me the plastic pin that goes in place of the earth pin (required in order to push a UK plug into a UK socket) in TWO WORDS.

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Alistair Dabbs
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>> previously unknown bug in the programming, in which case the manufacturer will be liable

This is precisely the topic of my column, Dave. To date, all software products demand that you agree to T&Cs that absolve the developers of consequential damages.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Flight simulators

Flying back to Yurp from Denver once, my plane was buffeted by tornadoes for more than an hour, the eventual flight path diversion extending the journey by 3 hours. By the time we landed, I was paralytic with "herbal remedy".

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: falling 20,000 feet vertically

I'm scared of heights and scared of falling. I'm not scared of landing. In fact, when my plane lands, I'm quite happy about it.

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PHONE me if you feel DIRTY: Yanks and 'Nadians wave bye-bye to magstripe

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: WTF?

Nads are balls

Hooray, at least someone got it.

As a Brit, I find it amusing to read what Johnny Foreigners invent to describe my nationality: Poms, Ros-bifs, etc. Foolishly, I assumed Canadians were similarly laid back but apparently not. What a shame. And I found Terrance and Philip so entertaining...

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: WTF?

Like 'Mericans'. As Mr Trump will soon find out, just one letter away from 'Mexicans'.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: 'Nadians?

Since you Nadians listen to country and western, you forfeit the right to choose your own name, or indeed anything else.

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Only a CNUT would hold back the waves of the sharing economy

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Not sharing

Exactly this. Upvoted.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Repeated Typo!

You want to make self-employment illegal?

I've been self-employed for 26 years and can assure you that there is no such thing as self-employment: it's multiple-employment.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: You can buy a chainsaw for that.

Those cheap chainsaws took me by surprise too. I spent a year assisting my tree surgeon brother-in-law for a year while living in France, and it never occurred to me that anything other than the best Stihl models existed.

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