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* Posts by Alistair Dabbs

316 posts • joined 19 May 2009

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Win gorgeous strap-on, enter whole new world with Reg compo

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Is that...

And is he watching a cunning plan?

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Innovation creates instability, you say? BLASPHEMY, you SCUM

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: ...and cows...

Ah, my wife has a story involving the mispronunciation of cows, a train journey and two Dutch students living in France to learn the language. I might save it up for another column, though... I was going to say 'if the subject matter is relevant' but that's never stopped me before.

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Alistair Dabbs
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>> The problem with TISP

Indeed, to me it means IEEE's Teacher In-Service Program: http://www.ieee.org/education_careers/education/preuniversity/tispt/index.html

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: AWOOOOGAAA!

In my defence, I wrote 'Arooga'. However, all klaxon sounds on El Reg are performed by Jonathan Ross.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Long live the BS meter

Smellyourmum.com has specially printed cards that you can hold up if you suspect bullshit. Except they're a bit ruder than that: http://www.smellyourmum.com/images/IMG_20121017_132318.jpg

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: German guy who told me that he is a very impotent manager

My first employer, IDG, used to have a French CEO who pronounced "focus" as "fuckus". After half an hour sending us to sleep with a long speech about financial results, he woke up everyone in the room when he said he wanted our UK managing director to focus.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Good article

>> On a related note I have to praise CCR for their ability to only have a working light for my seat on sunny days

I guess it's a solar-powered light.

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Amazon buys Comixology for content crossover capers

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Render unto Apple what is Apple's

Yes to what Raumkraut says. So that means something *else* is afoot here. It could indeed be the stuff of conspiracy theories about 'rival stores' but then they aren't rivals when it comes to selling books. I mean, no-one buys books from iBooks do they? Amazon has very little to gain that it doesn't already own in that field. A theory that Amazon's doing it for fun or out of spite seems a tad overcooked.

If I was an optimist, I would believe that Amazon was looking for a quick way-in to snatch a ready-made app solution for periodical comics and graphic novels. Mobi format doesn't do fixed layout and Amazon won't switch to ePub, so a proprietary comics app is the only way they could go. It's easier to separate devices that way too, so Amazon won't have to deal with complaints from people trying to download Marvel comics to e-ink Kindles.

Since I'm neither an optimist nor a conspiracy theorist, I can't imagine what Amazon's up to. This makes me worried about the longevity of my Comixology purchases if they choose to interfere with the app with irrelevant development or, as so many big companies do when swallowing up small companies, dick about with it for a while and then kill it off.

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Nothing's as SCARY as an overly aggressive SOFTWARE PIMP

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Form and Function

The first time I saw Windows 95 was during a demo at a Computer Life readers' evening. The demonstrator double-clicked on three videos, whereupon all three launched immediately and played back simultaneously in separate windows - no glitches or hitches. To this day I have not been able to reproduce this feat (on a Windows computer).

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Boring Read

>> Hopefully your next article won't be a cacophony of non sequitur ramblings.

Abandon hope now because next week's column will be equally poor. They're all quite dreadful.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: virtually identical t-shirt

Well it can't be the *same* shirt as worn by Steven Gerrard for the simple reason that Steven Gerrard will be wearing that one. It can't be *identical* either because Steven Gerrard's shirt is not a size XXXXL. But in every other respect, the replica shirt is of the same design, uses similar materials (again, not the *same* materials because those are already sewn into SG's shirt) and created by the same manufacturer.

Now look how long it took me to write all that. Easier to write 'virtually identical t-shirt'. That's good enough for anybody except for an insufferable pedant.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Boring Read

Installing Windows 95 was the equivalent of replacing your hard disk with one with half the capacity, inserting a two-second delay after clicking anything and rendering half your peripherals incompatible. Upgrades like that I could do without.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Boring Read

I am thrilled at the prospect of looking through all of your previous comments to find out how you feel about Windows. It certainly won't be as boring as this article!

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Raised £350bn in crowdsourced funding? Tell me about it (not)

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: One thing I want to know...

It's pronounced 'jism'. Try saying it now so your office colleagues can hear. Go on, nice and loud.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: So...

And feeble forum contributors are too scared to reveal their names. So it goes.

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Alistair Dabbs
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>> The part about "A recent survey" just makes me think of the daily fail

To be fair, the DM guys write this stuff not because they are lazy (they are not) but because this is exactly the kind of thing DM readers want to read. People often blame the DM for turning readers into nutters but publishing works the other way around: you target your readership with stuff they want to read. The Guardian does this too, of course.

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They want me to install CCTV to see what YOU did in the TOILET

Alistair Dabbs
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The cameras are out of arm's reach

Vandals are good at throwing things. Arm's reach is irrelevant.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Sie sind ein echter hipster Herr Dabbs

I have a good story about Gaydar but it'll have to wait for another occasion. It involves Paul Dacre, editor of the Daily Mail. Piqued anyone's interest?

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Beastie Boys settle with toy maker over Girls copyright dispute

Alistair Dabbs
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Who sued who?

Does anyone else have trouble understanding this story? It says that Goldieblox sued ("dropped a lawsuit on") the Beastie Boys after using one of their songs in a TV ad. I know the law's an ass, etc, but that strikes me as a curious thing to do.

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Amazon wants me to WEAR NAPPIES?! But I'm a 40-something MAN

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Stereotypes die hard. What can I do?

Steel Panther could give Spinal Tap a run. Going to see them later this month.

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Alistair Dabbs
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>> I can't take the premise of the article seriously anymore

I'm gutted.

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Why can’t I walk past Maplin without buying stuff I don’t need?

Alistair Dabbs
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Maplins vs Ikea

I'm getting a 'Maplins is like IKEA' vibe from a lot of these comments. I wonder whether Maplins would consider installing a ball pond at the entrance... but then I can't ever recall seeing a child in a Maplins, nor indeed a woman making a purchase.

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Alistair Dabbs
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rs catalogue

You remember when I said I already had a perfectly good supplier?

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Squidge-droids maker updates iRobot for SUCK, SCRUB action

Alistair Dabbs
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Want one...

.... and, at last, I have just the floor for it.

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But... you work in IT... Why aren't we RICH?

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: It's the reviews, not the tech, that matters

Not sure that three stars counts as a glowing review. From a reviewer's perspective, there exist products that don't work properly or are poorly implemented or break down easily. It stands to reason, then, that if a product actually works, it merits more than one or two stars.

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You’re a LIAR and a CHEAT... la-la-la, I can't hear your lawyers

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: terrible

Jeez, go read something else, then. A book teaching punctuation might be an idea.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Good article

Reput isn't breaking any law. In fact, I believe Reput honestly expects the app to be used responsibly. I just happen to think they are mistaken. As soon as one user conveys an opinion to another about a third party's perceived reputation, a libel is all but guaranteed to take place. When the UK construction industry was found to be sharing opinionated and unchallenged reputation data about potential employees, there was a scandal. Reput, however, reckons users will only say nice things about other people.

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Amazon fuses LoveFilm, subs service, calls it Prime Instant Video

Alistair Dabbs
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Prime one-day delivery? Ha!

I paid for Amazon's Prime service for a year and most of my orders arrived after 2-3 days. Many took up to 5 days. One delivery of an in-stock item took nearly two weeks to arrive with Prime. When I complained, I was ignored.

I wonder if this means it'll now take two weeks to stream a movie...

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Spam, a lot of it: Bubble tea is the Seoul of wit

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: My best spam

I do have one item of Korean spam that appears to be selling electronic tampons but that's just silly so I'm probably wrong and thought I'd better not include it here.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Those Sun Pillows look brilliant!

I can't forward any of the original emails: they were deleted long ago. Not even I would archive spam for ten years. They exist only as the screengrabs you see in the article.

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STRIPPED DOWN and EXPOSED: Business kit from the good old days

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Sir

Can't help you, I'm afraid, at least not yet. The best I can offer is a photo of the offending item: http://pic.twitter.com/PEVO3CbuGh

It's about four feet high. I would dearly love to use it as a drinks cabinet. But until I get the right to open it, it remains a large piece of junk that occupies space I'd like to use for something else... such as a drinks cabinet.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Faster to do it by hand

Speed has nothing to do with it. Trying to negotiate 280x390mm pages on a blurry, shimmering 16in display running at 1152x864 or migraine-hammering 1280x960 running at what appeared to be 1Hz was no fun at all.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Don't know it?

Most tabloids are not dailies.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Gas masks

I have learnt that the boss bought the sack of gas masks in the wake of the 7/7 bombings in London. Remember the bus on Hackney Road that didn't explode? That was just outside the office.

Unfortunately, I have also learnt that the gas masks were a job lot from that dodgy supplier rejected by the Israeli military, i.e. they probably don't work.

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MAC TO THE FUTURE: 30 years of hindsight and smart-arsery

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: I did not read the article

*I'm* long-winded?

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Alistair Dabbs
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why are you such a whiny little bitch?

<sigh> It's supposed to give you a gentle titter on a Friday afternoon. I write one of these every week. No big deal really.

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Robots? What a bunch of workers...

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Bit disappointed.

Surely you're *very* disappointed. I know I would be.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Courier companies

I've seen a lot of DPD vans around. This makes the Dabbsies giggle because of a puerile pun in French. 'DPD' in English sounds like 'dee-pee-dee' but in French it is pronounced 'day-pay-day', which sounds like 'des pédés', which is an old-fashioned and derogatory way of referring to gay men.

Not that we laugh at gay men. But it is funny when my wife looks out the window and appears to be telling me that there are some gays at the door: "Il y a DPD à la porte."

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: GPO snoops

Does the landing card for non-EU passport holders still ask if you have ever been involved in "genocide"?

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Alistair Dabbs
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>> What is he the rest of the time?

This is a local shop, remember. This means the Post Office is closed for most of the time. When it *is* open, the queue runs from the counter right through the shop and out the door. Makes you wonder why they keep closing them down.

Not sure about paying for a courier. Given that my eBay item will have sold for £1.50, no-one will want to pay £10 for it to get lost *professionally*.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: GPO snoops

Restricted list? So the idea is that if I'm a terrorist and put a bomb in the parcel, I'll get caught out when the Post Office bloke asks me what I put in the parcel?

Hmm, I wonder if there's any way for someone to circumvent this devious terrorism prevention measure...

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My name is Dabbsy and I am an EMAILOHOLIC

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Running scared - but not able to hide

I don't like LinkedIn's way of amalgamating all of one's email addresses into its account simply because someone tries to add you to their network using the wrong email. I keep my domestic email strictly personal and separate from work, as I do with Facebook. The last thing I need is for my exchanges with my daughter studying in Amsterdam to be interspersed with blathering from irate readers and PRs.

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Alistair Dabbs
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>> English apparently has at least 3 sounds for ch

I tried all three just now and had to clean my screen with a wet wipe.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Why does everyone have so many

Fair question. I receive scores of press releases and beta forum posts every day. It helps to keep them clear of my main email while I'm mobile

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: One per company dealt with

Of course, it could be that your remaining 134 addresses are being spoofed to send junk to the rest of us.

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Twitter: It's JUST LIKE Elder Scrolls (no it's not)

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: The history of earth according to computer games...

The Dabbsies were also surprised - nay, amazed - to see Parappa mentioned in the programme, let alone praised to the skies. The kids adored Parappa when they were smaller (now aged 21 and 17, they actually played Parappa 2 for a laugh last week - pure coincidence) but we had no idea that anyone outside Japan, other than cultists, had heard of it.

I could be wrong but I wonder if its inclusion in CB's history had anything to do with Labrinth trying to get him to play a bit of one of his videos.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Take solace Mr Dabbs...

My maths may be a bit off but Charlie Brooker is a man and so am I, so that makes two men, not forty something men.

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Alistair Dabbs
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>> the level of irony

So, when he criticised the murder-porn (literal) cut scene in the latest Mortal Kombat, slicing a woman in half lengthways with a circular saw... he was just being "ironic" then as well? I hope not.

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Alistair Dabbs
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>> Mr Dabbs, do I spot a little bit of green eyed monster?!

Sorry about that. I have been having trouble with my zip.

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We MUST be told: How many Bitcoins do I need to kill a melon-head?

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Folding money?

I choose Mail Online because, indirectly, they are one of my clients. As The Register's motto goes, "Biting the hand that feeds..."

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