263 posts • joined Tuesday 19th May 2009 10:14 GMT
Rabbit season, duck season
I'm not sure about this. France has a vibrant hunting scene and during the season, they'll shoot everything that moves, even in their back gardens, sometimes (by accident) their own dogs or indeed each other. Surely a drone is going to get hit eventually, purely by chance.
Re: The water closet doesn't get enough development
Funny we should be talking about the IEEE and smart toilets...
I like the university vibe at IEEE. Everyone is either a student or a professor. Besides, the IET would deem me unqualified.
Re: They might have some advanced capabilities
Yes, I was fretting when I didn't see the column at noon. I emailed my editor twice to ask if it had been spiked (it would not be the first time).
>> If your business is network based why do you need to be in London in the first place?
Everyone asks this. In the kind of science fiction bollox that only CEOs, politicians and other people of limited intelligence believe, networked people can work from anywhere.
What happens in real life is that distance-workers don't work at all - they just goof off and watch daytime TV.
Bright minds need a place to meet up, spark ideas and get stuff done - not necessarily 8 hours every day but often - and it has to be somewhere mutual that isn't a noisy Starbucks with bad music and sticky tables.
Re: If only more customers had clue
>> Problem with the DIY approach is Mr Dabbs would then have to figure out how to resell and manage 80+ medja companies contending a 1G EAD.
Not at all. We have a freeholder's management company with an extremely switched-on facilities manager. He's sent white papers to Parliament, lobbied everyone who'll listen and put the contracts out to tender. I'm just a tenant.
Re: Manuals and other stupidities
I'm ashamed to admit that I have a big problem understanding thick accents at short notice.
Some time back, a software developer was so keen that I help with their alpha testing that they scheduled me in for weekly teleconferences with their developers in India. I did not understand a word during these phone calls. After saying "I'm sorry, could you repeat that?" and "Apologies, I didn't quite catch that" about 20 times, you come across as an idiot. I ended up feigning illness and suchlike simply to avoid that weekly teleconference, like a schoolboy trying to get out of Latin tests.
>> Users can't be bothered with learning how things work
Now, you say this, but there is a successful and lucrative industry in publishing 'missing manual' type books. They still sell quite well and software publishers are generally very happy for you to write them, even though they earn nothing from them.
Re: You think you're having a bad time...
I worked on a three-year in-house training project for bespoke, undocumented software. We did a few tip-sheets for users but the system was so very complex that I wrote a mini manual in my own time to help the trainers. This was later made available to users, but by then it was out of date. I persuaded the project leader to let me write up proper documentation, and I began working on a proper hyperlinked manual in FrameMaker (so we could export to HTML and PDF from the same source files) but the project was wound up a few weeks later and I had to leave everything unfinished.
Another three years later, the software still hasn't been properly documented. If you choose Help or hit F1, nothing happens.
What, that 'open source' system that's dependent on Microsoft's Windows Server platform? Hmm.
Re: "pharcical phucking phanboi phondleslab"
Re: for the illiterate, by the uninterested
So what do you say now? 'Aimlessly Research Some Explanation - Web Internet Promises Everything'?
Re: Video tutorials
They say developers can't write. Unfortunately, it's also true that IT trainers (who are responsible for most of these video tutorials) can't speak.
And it's especially fun when, having highlighted in red a problem with your registration, it empties all the form fields and resets all the options to their default so you have to start all over again.
>>> have a pint
Thanks, Barry, I might do that.
Re: What's wrong with this picture....
It's a magazine publishing company. The inkjet is for page proofs. Everything else goes to the cheap Brother duplex laser.
>> Any reason you didn't get a colour laser for 500 quid instead?
Apologies, I mistyped. It's an A3 proofer, not an A4. If I could buy an A3 colour laser capable of producing prepress-class proofs but only cost £500, I would have bought it.
>> There was NO jam. EVER.
Suspension of disbelief ended right there. Printer jams happen, and I remember them being much worse and more frequent 20 years ago.
It's a £500 A4 colour proofer. Not sure I want to throw it away just yet.
>> Did we ever find out where the horn was?
Paragraph 17, I think.
Re: Did you take the GS to a garage?
No but I once drove it to Cannes and parked it at an expensive ground-floor valet-serviced car park just so the dusty, clapped-out GS could sit between a Rolls and a Lamborghini all day.
Re: 1 out of 10
>> he does look a bit like Will Self in that photo
With my height, I'd have to be a Will Self Mini-Me.
Re: Click, wait, click...
Re: IT angle got a bit curved here.
The issue is not about interpreting what users need. It's about following convention. Double-clicking is a convention. So is an indicator lever on a stick. So is pressing on the centre of a steering wheel to sound the horn. I don't see any difference between hardware and software. If Citroen did software, they'd probably put the program menus at the bottom of the screen - potentially a clever idea but it would drive everyone nuts.
>> I find myself shouting "just take my tenner already, B***"
Baffling more than annoying. When this happens, I ask a shop assistant to help me agree upon an acceptable form of barter since they're not accepting money.
Re: You should be ashamed...
>> Call yourself techies!
Is this an imperative? OK, "I'm a techie". There.
>> Maybe you shouldn't use computers.
Well, there it is. Nothing more to add. Voted up.
Re: Waitrose FTW
My experience of the scan-guns at Waitrose was quite good at first. Then they started doing a rescan on EVERY shopping trip. Having your entire weekly family shopping taken back out of your carefully packed bags (you pack em yourself) while everyone stares at you because you're clearly a shoplifter, then stuffed back in so that your vegetables are squashed, cereal crushed and eggs broken is not much fun. It's worse when they do it to you EVERY week. After six weeks of this treatment, we gave up and switched supermarkets.
Re: And another thing
The point about Dark Side of the Moon is often made. However, the one album that annoyed me when the record company re-issued it on CD with all the tracks in a different order was Thomas Dolby's Golden Age of Wireless. I had grown so used to the running order on the vinyl version when I was a teenager, and several tracks did actually continue into the next, that the CD version's revised order has never made any sense to me. Right from the first time I ripped it, I changed the sequence back to match the original track order and stuck the extra CD tracks at the end.
>> Life would be so much better
I have often wondered what would allow a distopian future to come about. Surely, I thought, there would come a point where enough people would say, "hang on, this isn't right" and it would fizzle out. But if these people are all staring at screens or listening to recordings and broadcasts, they wouldn't notice distopia tip-toeing behind their backs.
Re: What did I just read?
>> There, I think I made the article's point in two sentences.
Every piece of writing can be made in two sentences.
Hamlet: Angsty Oedipal dude hates his step-dad. Goes nuts.
Any newspaper: Bad things happened. Rhianna shook her arse about again.
Your comment: I wish someone would pay *me* to write that bollox. Unfortunately, I'm not funny.
Re: What did I just read?
>> Did I miss something?
Yes, you missed the fact that I've been rambling in this way every Friday for the last year and a half. And please don't do the "I wasted five minutes of my life" line because if you had time to write a comment, you clearly have time to throw away.
>> Oh Dabbsy, I can call you Dabbsy can't I? Actually I don't care.
And you thought *I* had nothing to say.
Re: Maybe you could get a phone with a decent camera?
I use one mobile phone number and one mobile phone. My choice of handset doesn't make me a "diehard lover" of its manufacturer. If I bought a Nokia, it would simply mean that I bought a Nokia. It wouldn't necessarily follow that I'm a passionate follower of everything Finnish or that I enjoy giving head to Microsoft CEOs.
>> Competence in photography would be an advantage.
That's me out of the running, then.
Re: Well, if you're taking photos at a concert...
For someone my height, holding up a phone at arm's length is the only way I will ever get to see the band.
Re: Maybe you could get a phone with a decent camera?
Sure enough, I find that Android tablets take better photos and videos than my iPad but I'm not sure why this is.
Re: >"it's supposed to be a bird"
Actually, I didn't write that aside. It's a giant inflatable cock masquerading as a Phoenix, or as The D write it, a Fenix. At the end of their last number, it shoots out a huge stream of white confetti from its 'beak' over the audience... then deflates. When they come back for the encore, it has transformed into a giant inflatable fanny, through which they leave the stage at the end.
Re: >> Where has the funny footnote gone?
OK, here's the sign-off that I wrote:
Alistair Dabbs is a freelance technology tart, juggling IT journalism, editorial training and digital publishing. He feels jaded by the iPhone 5 Sucks Cocks launch and wishes he could get back the oh-I-want-one-yes-I-do yearning that he felt when the original iPhone came out. His next handset might be an Android after all.
>> Where has the funny footnote gone?
I don't know but I suspect that its non-appearance confused several readers into thinking this was a news story. No wonder they thought it was poor.
Re: yawn is right
What do you mean "Bye"? You don't read The Register. If you did, you might have noticed that I have been writing this boring and repetitive column every Friday for the last year and a half.
>> You, sir, owe me a new keyboard.
Ah, the compensation culture. Another shocking indictment of Thatcher's Britain. Or something.
Re: The writer
Oh come on, *nobody* knew how to set their digital watches in the 70s. They kept going off in the middle of morning assembly or in chapel, and during lessons about half a dozen chimes would sound out around the classroom on the hour, every hour, with no way of stopping them. Some of the kids in class would fold their arms promptly on the hour in order to stifle their watch chimes in their armpits.
Re: The Internet Of Things!
Well, I was going to mention the Internet of Things last week in relation to my inability to locate WiFi hotspots, but it would have made the article too long and complicated. And it wasn't funny.
>> another article featuring Dabbs whinging. They're just badly written