* Posts by Alistair Dabbs

651 posts • joined 19 May 2009

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Let me PLUG that up there, love. It’s perfectly standaAAARGH!

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Education

>> School windows never open

The ones at my school did. In fact, they remained open, sun or rain. I remember our Latin teacher had a habit of casually tossing our marked exercise books, frisbee-style, to us from his desk at the front. If you were lucky enough to sit by a window, there was a chance that your exercise book might fly outside before you had a chance to catch it. That meant you were allowed to go outside (two floors down, in the playground) to fetch it. If you were unlucky, it would be raining and your book would be a pulpy lump by the time you retrieved it.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Microwave recipes

Still without a hob and getting rather fed up of laboriously cooking separate ingredients in the microwave in sequence, then finishing them off in the oven or under the grill. I have even learnt how to make frittatas in the microwave, and I have been told how to poach an egg in there (will try this over the weekend). The day I get the new hob fitted, I will cook something that requires me to use all four rings simultaneously. (Ooh matron etc)

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That man told me to stuff a ROLE up my USER ENTRY!

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Ah yes - access permissions

Thanks for the anecdote. It's nice to know I'm not the only one to experience this weird approach to rolling out corporate systems – in which the business spends $50 squillion on bespoke software, then thinks up all manner of ways to prevent its own staff from using it.

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Alistair Dabbs
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>> First rule of contracting club

I quite agree, but I always ask not to be given deletion rights. The drawback is that I have to ask a college to delete things for me every time. The huge advantage is that I will never get blamed for deleting something important (which some damn freelancer asked me to delete for them).

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FLICK my FLINT and SNIFF my TREE on the streets of Naples

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Another hazard of Naples

Yes, I read that. Apparently, the volcano was either erupting or constantly puffing out smoke for millennia right up until 1944, when the last eruption collapsed the interior. This means it has not been able to let off er... steam for 66 years and may be bottling something up pretty big, and it's 50-or-so year blast cycle is overdue now. We went for a walk around the crater.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: SItes

Yes, we visited Herculaneum. Much of the ancient town is still under slums. However, it has not been possible to acquire the slums with a view to widening the archaeological site and move the unfortunate residents into better accommodation because, according to our Italian guide, intransigence on the part of local politicians in the pockets of criminal gangs. How terribly exciting, I must say.

I think they are holding out for more cash from the charity that supports the dig: the Packard Foundation, set up by David you know who.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: The automatic banana peeler sounds useful

>> Those automatic bananas can be a bugger to peel.

Ah, I can see where you're going wrong. Try holding it in your hand instead.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: "to see the city’s most famous sites"

Sites. As in locations to visit. Sights can't be closed at weekends, unless of course someone covers them up with vast amounts of cloth.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Welcome Back

>> If only I had a baby. >> Or had bought baby related things in the past. >> Or had even looked at baby goods.

I think you should have a quiet word with your wife. She may have a surprise for you.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Maybe ....

>> those who eat citrus fruit in the office

My wife was in a sauna when a woman walked in, sat down and proceeded to munch through an orange. Everyone else had to leave because they were unable to breathe.

BTW, "munch through an orange" isn't a euphemism. At least, not yet.

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INTERNET of BOOBS: Scorching French lass reveals networked bikini

Alistair Dabbs
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The bikini isn't French

It's an Italian invention.

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Oh, shoppin’ HELL: I’m in the supermarket of the DAMNED

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Waitrose

>> scan the "finished" barcode on the automated till, do the normal credit card stuff, and leave.

You missed the bit where the machine says "RESCAN" and you have to stand there, red-faced, while a Waitrose employee laboriously rescans everything and repackaged your bags, piling the heaviest items on top of the eggs, and everyone in the supermarket stares at you like you were a shoplifter.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Me too

>> Hope Dabbsy is having a holiday

Here in Sorrento, it's nothing but humans serving in the shops. Actually, better than humans: they're Italians.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Some Dutch shops..

>> Worth Investigating, Mr Dabbs? A world tour of Supermarkets, perhaps?

You have to be taking the piss.

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The oracle knows all. Not THAT Oracle, of course

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Adam Ant

What, you mean this? ... STAND AND DELIVER!

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Quick Questions are better than

Who were you training? Columbo?

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Putting your schlong into the reel-to-reel tape machine is a bad idea

Alistair Dabbs
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>> it doesn't even mention this highlight of his career

Then it is my duty to update his Wikipedia page with my video.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Either you photoshopped your current profile photo

Nope, I was spawned in Kent and only brought up in Yorkshire. Now I'm back in Kent, I pretend to be miserable. In real life, I am positively chirpy.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Either you photoshopped your current profile photo

I'm a bit of a porker again, now. My profile photo was taken using selfie rules: from above, looking up.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Perspective, Mr. Dabbs

>> Which actor did P and P begin performing with

According to Wikipedia, it was John Slater, but I don't remember him. Wikipedia also says Pinky and Perky were revived as creepy CG characters in 2008, which I can only imagine was as hideous and terrifying as the CG series of Noddy.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: CRACKERJACK!!!!

Agree about Crowther, he was OK. Stewpot hosted the programme like a gym teacher who'd been asked to take a Geography class.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: I was 32 at the time with a young family, and it shows: I look tired and overweight

I could easily have clipped out the title sequence but I thought it was so very 90s with its glowing strawberries and sliced coconut. What did it all mean?

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: CRACKERJACK!!!!

Did anyone find Bernie Clifton amusing? I didn't mind Peter Glaze so much: you just felt sorry for him.

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Right Dabbsy my old son, you can cram this job right up your BLEEEARRGH

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Names: Google Glass

>> Is this not the killer App for a Google Glass style gadget?

I was thinking more along the lines of a Death Note and Shinigami Eyes but that would mean giving up half of my remaining life, etc.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Working in the movies...

>> Eyup Neil

I think you'll find that he was asking you to "kneel".

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: I blame the parents...

>> Do you find not even family members can spell it properly?

You're joking. Even I can't spell it properly.

- Staleair

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: The mobile phone company can never get my name right

Insurance companies always get my name wrong. No, I mean always, throughout my life since the day I was old enough to purchase my first insurance policy (for a stacked stereo system, I recall). I can only assume that it is a deliberate and systematic action to misspell names in a vain hope that it will allow them to wriggle out of paying up if I should ever put in a claim.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Ours were all Pauls

I once knew a Sally who was long and tall.

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Alistair Dabbs
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>> Paid for by European funding

Before the London Olympics, I tried to submit my expertise through the government's standard bidding process. I stumbled over the question that asked me whether my company had drawn up an equality and inclusion policy and distributed it to all my employees. Being self-employed, honest and an idiot, I ticked "No", whereupon I was booted out of the bidding process without further warning.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: I blame the parents...

It's Gallic for Alexander. Probably originally spelt in runes.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Xmas is your friend

Then you can greet her in the morning with: "So, how was it for you, Grandma?"

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SOD TABLETS, if you want to get anything done travelling get a ... yes, a LAPTOP

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Plus one vote for the 90s tv appearance digitisation

I'd started a family by then, so I didn't have time to visit the barber's and I was probably wearing my only shirt without vomit down the shoulders.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: : Wrong Memory Card

By eckers, lad, you have a good memory.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: The art of travel....

>> DSLR? One camera/one lens, unless it's a proper photo trip

My column this week was about work, and I've very recently begun a return to basic photojournalism. The telephoto lens is not optional. If it was a holiday, of course, I would leave the camera at home and take all my snaps on a smartphone.

>> Microsoft Surface might just be your friend

Tempted, tempted. Short of money, though.

>> Clown car packing

The famous 'clown car' is just the conventional way of rolling, folding and stuffing flat clothes into every crevice of a bag. Shame my cameras and toiletries aren't flat, foldable or or rollable.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Mega bag carry-on w*nkers.

They are getting stricter by the look of things. However, the best way to persuade passengers to reduce the size of carry-on luggage is to make it quicker to check in any hold luggage. Collecting hold luggage upon arrival is usually very quick these days but queueing up for the initial check-in before departure takes bloody ages, and it's noisy and shouty and unpleasant. Those with carry-on luggage only, however, simply do an online check-in the night before and stroll straight over to departure security.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: This video is not available in your country

I'm surprised the Scots still allow us to watch this in England.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Wrong Tablet

I'm tempted. A non-tech journalist colleague bought one and I thought it was great.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: TL;DR version

20 years ago, I could write up a story on a Psion 3a while on the train back from a demo. 15 years ago, I remember filing stories about ICC colour profiling from a hotel room in Chamonix using a Psion 5 and pocket modem via the hotel telephone. It was easier to work with mobile kit then than it is now.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Uploading 'everything' to iCloud?

Yes but uploaded it where?

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Why should I learn by ORAL tradition? Where's the DOCUMENTATION?

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Writing Documentation

I hope this wasn't copied and pasted from the Wiley style guide.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: The only thing better than a weird CMS ...

>> open source also suffers from lack of end user documentation

I perceive that most corporate-wide systems are not just bespoke to a greater or less extent but they comprise lots of bits strung together - a bit of Oracle, a bit of Red Hat, a bit of browser (but only one or two), etc. Documenting all of it in one place is unlikely.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Sorry if it's an obvious question, but...

No-one. It's a process of trial and accident. It always amuses me that so much effort can go into software development without any of the developers bothering to make notes on how to use their own software.

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Acer: 'We will be the last man standing in the PC industry'

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: How about Acer's gaming rigs...

There were none available to test, and I wouldn't be the right person to test them anyway. Hopefully The Reg will get some Predator hardware to try out after the summer.

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Alistair Dabbs
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>> Do the laptops still start overheating easily after a couple of years

I'll let you know in 2017.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: ew Acer.

>> Always shoddy, always breaking, always poorly finished, always loaded down with shitware

Yes but apart from that, what have the Romans done for us?

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Free upgrade

Yes, I could have rephrased that better. The point was that Acer says it will upgrade you, rather than you necessarily doing it yourself via a Microsoft store. How this will work in practice, I have no idea.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: All in 1366x768!!

I thought someone would ask this but I didn't want to get bogged down with a long and boring list of all the specs. I imagine you'd also want to know what ports you get, all disk size options, etc. This stuff will trickle through when we start reviewing the real kit.

In the meantime, let it be known that tou can get the Aspire V15 in 1920x1080 but not if you want a touchscreen. You can also get a 1920x1080 version of the Chromebook. The 17in version of the Aspire ES has a 1600x900 display. The Aspire Switch 10 has 1920x1200.

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Acer introduces a REVOLUTION in tablet tech: The PENCIL

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Using a pencil is great

>> I wouldn't want to leave trace lines of graphite on my tablet's screen

Indeed. It's similarly possible to pour coffee and scatter sandwich crumbs over a keyboard, but I wouldn't lay the blame at Acer's door.

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Alistair Dabbs
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>> I wouldn't want to leave trace lines of graphite on my tablet's screen

A normal blunt-ish HB worked fine without leaving any visible traces on the glass. I can't say what would happen with a 2B, though. I didn't have one on me at the time.

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Stuff your RFID card, just let me through the damn door!

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: This one goes out to Alistair

Very nice, thank you. It could do with more metal riffs, though. And yelling.

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