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* Posts by Alistair Dabbs

481 posts • joined 19 May 2009

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I need a password to BRAKE? What? No! STOP! Aaaargh!

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: You're kidding, right?

Cars only have two components that matter: comfy seats and a good hifi. I know I'm bizarre but a metal bracket in the door handle that allegedly breaks after a few years does not even make my top ten.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Stereotypes

>> I'm sure Mr Dabbs could write a whole book on French driving attitude

What strikes me most of all about French motorists is the lack of any awareness of the concept and purpose of maintaining the flow of traffic. No-one under any circumstances whatsoever will ever "let you in" or flash their headlights to allow you to go first, even if doing so would ultimately speed up everyone's journey including their own.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Re. Voice control

No doubt you've all seen this: two Scotsmen in a voice-activated lift... http://youtu.be/sAz_UvnUeuU

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Misattribution

Normal byline service has been resumed. Thank you.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: windscreen wipers?

>> Why even have windows?

The first London Underground trains didn't have window panes for this reason. It was felt that since there was nothing to look at while passengers were in a tunnel, and given that in those days there were guards and porters to help people on and off at each station, windows were unnecessary. Go to the London Transport Museum and sit in one: it's like being locked inside a communal wooden coffin. Nor do you experience any relief when arriving at a station. Passengers hated it.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Negative view on Sat nav

In the UK, Garmin sells a one-off Lifetime Update so you don't have to buy a subscription, although it's limited to the device you buy it for.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Sorry

Unfortunately, having driven his SUV into the field, he's probably blaming *you* for the incident.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Agree about BMW drivers.

Wow, is Subaru a real car? I thought they only existed in WRC.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Which word was that?

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Stereotypes

All French drivers *are* bad, except for my wife and brother-in-law.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Sorry

I've driven plenty of Citroens, from the classic DS to the iconic 2CV to the modern C models and Picasso. Comfy cars but the dashboard layout was designed by a lunatic.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Yep

I don't know who Kelly Fiveash is but she's a damn fine writer.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Had a drive home from hell? Grab a glass of your favourite and listen to this:

The next time someone posts a link to some Country and Western music, could they please mark it up as Not Suitable For Ears? Thanks.

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It’s PAYBACK time as HUMANS send a PROBE up ALIEN body

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Catford calling...

Bromley replying: already here, pal.

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The Pirate Bay co-founder exits jail, now, er, free to eat vegan food

Alistair Dabbs
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Jailbird politicians

I'm impressed that these pirates chose to do their time behind bars before going into politics. Normally, politicians do it the other way around.

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Got a STRAP-ON? Remember to TAKE IT OFF at WORK

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: I've said it before

You'd think so but product acceptance doesn't work that way. Lots of good new ideas struggle because consumers are worried that (1) they are a short-term fad that won't be supported for long, (2) buyers will look stupid for buying something no-one else has, and (3) lack of competition keeps them expensive. Back in the 80s it was understood that there was no market for men's magazines, and in the 90s Oki bust a gut trying to interest anyone in multi-function printer/scanners.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: "Da yoof" buy plenty of watches, and old duffers like us...

Indeed. http://goo.gl/aB3Umw

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Aliatair Dabbs Try looking at the real world ...

This would work except that I destroy watches in all situations. The most common are knocking it against doorknobs and smashing/scraping it against brick walls. Why I seem to hang around doors and brick walls with arms flailing is beyond me. Perhaps I should live in a Japanese house like Larry or get my house refurbed by a Trekkie.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: re. Rampant Rabbi, etc.

I think a Rampant Rabbi ensures you don't have any angry birds. Ahem.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Tut

And I do it in public every Saturday morning.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Try looking at the real world ...

I also used to break my watches easily. Everything changed when I bought a G-Shock. It is still working 3 years on.

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Me GIVE you $14 SQUILLION gadziddly-DILLION

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: My Dear Mr. Dabbs,

Most Nigerians do not run email scams. A lot of email scams have originated from Nigeria. The stereotype characterises the latter rather than makes any claim to deny the former.

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SKYPE has the HOTS for my NAKED WIFE

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Thanks for the NSFW warning on the 'turned it on' link

I'm part of The Reg's "Weekend Edition" now, pal. If you happen to be at work at 8am on Saturday, I can't help you.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Hmmm.....

I imagine Skype must have the pics.

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Alistair Dabbs
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I have a plaster stuck over my webcam

That's just a sticking plaster solution, though.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: MS are making Skype unusuable

Sure, why allow the American security services to read all your Skype conversations when you can let the Chinese authorities do it instead?

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Sign off my IT project or I’ll PHONE your MUM

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Small company similar issue

AND when they got home, they'd be in Sunderland.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Small company similar issue

>>Awesome article, Yours are some of the best that I read on the reg.

You're all very flattering this weekend. Whatever happened to the "I want The Reg to refund the lost 10 minutes of my life reading that crap" brigade?

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: The right question is not if you should call her mom

Why should I call her mom? She's not my mom.

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Alistair Dabbs
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>> Now, who was this musical entertainer?

His name is given in the main text of this week's column but you might have to work it out. Do you know what an 'acrostic' is?

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Take CTRL! Shallow minds ponder the DEEP spectre of DARK CACHE

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: CTRL-C

OK, next time I walk into a room of users, I will ask for a show of hands:

- who needs to copy and paste text?

and

- who needs to suspend or abort a run?

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: De Bios, she is incompatible..

I am intrigued. In what language would 'BIOS' be a feminine noun?

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El Reg Christmas Lectures to span space, big data and GCHQ

Alistair Dabbs
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Similarly bright people

Looking forward to the hand-crafted beer. I can't stand it when they it with their elbows.

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What’s the KEYBOARD SHORTCUT for Delete?! Look in a contextual menu, fool!

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Your shortcut gems?

F1 (Help)

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Alistair Dabbs
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Formatting in WordPerfect 5.1

Despite everything I've said, a lot of key-driven programs weren't very nice at all. Half-Life Wife and I cut our word processing er teeth on WordStar. I hated it. All that Ctrl+K blocking fuss in order to format something was possibly the stupidest way of selecting text I can think of. WordPerfect got a lot of good PR but it was just as bad. So was Word.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Text editting

>> the requirement for curses to optimise screen updates

I knew it: cursing at the screen works!

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Old dogs, new tricks

Yes, I spent a year working opposite someone who typed like he was playing whack-a-mole.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: touch

You remapped AltGr? How does your friend type a fodda?

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CURSE YOU, 'streaming' music services! I want a bloody CD

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: You've done it now

An irish policeman walks into a bar at BBC Media Centre and offers to buy everyone a drink. While taking the orders, he turns to a few 1970s DJs sitting at a nearby table and asks: "And you t'ree?"

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Streaming wins

>>Of my parent's collections I listen to precisely nothing

How tragic. It was through my parents' record collection that I discovered Led Zeppelin, The Nice, trade jazz and reggae. Still, there's plenty of Will.I.Am for your kids to discover on their own, eh?

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Alistair Dabbs
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>> royalties from broadcast radio-play

I'm not talking about the silly charge that Performing Rights hit offices and garages with. I mean what radio stations pay to play each track. All artists receive the same rate.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: A question

Not only more effective but curiously less offensive.

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Oh God the RUBBER on my SHAFT has gone wrong and is STICKING to things

Alistair Dabbs
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>>P.S. Tim Cook is a cold hearted bastard for foisting that crap on us

>>So is U2...

And they're both Ireland-based tax dodgers, so it's trebles all round.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Project managers

My experience of project managers has been generally good, so perhaps I'm lucky.

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Alistair Dabbs
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>> double entendres about my shaft

I have been known to use the tip of my shaft to pick food out of my teeth.

Coincidentally, I have chronic neck pain.

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The Apple Watch and CROTCH RUBBING. How are they related?

Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Traci?

I only gave her as an example because that's the only pornstar I could name from the 1980s, and THAT'S only because I found out when she had a small part in 'Cry Baby'.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Phone Cameras...

And to be fair, I hadn't shaved for a couple of days, I hadn't brushed what's left of my hair, let alone gelled it, and the photos were taken in my kitchen at 4.30am. You may have noticed that I'm still wearing pyjamas.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Watch the whole two hour Apple event

>> how very mildly amusing

I absolutely MUST print that endorsement on the back of my book.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Phone Cameras...

Ah now there is a journalistic tradition for outdated byline photos to which I am simply adhering out of professional conformity.

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Alistair Dabbs
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Re: Half Man Half Biscuit

In an alternative world, Apple could have done this by mistake, inviting U2 to perform but accidentally releasing HMHB's 'Achtung Bono' album to the world.

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