Feeds

* Posts by Alistair Dabbs

414 posts • joined 19 May 2009

Page:

Best shot: Coffee - how do you brew?

Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Aeropress = increase "length and girth"

That photo of Aeropress looks a bit familiar. Didn't they advertise in Razzle and Fiesta?

3
1

I’ve never paid for it in my life... we are talking Wi-Fi, right?

Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Free WiFi is not a right

Yes, it must be difficult for a hotel charging £150 per night for a boxroom and no breakfast to scrape a profit if they gave away the WiFi for nothing, especially considering how much the hotel itself contributes to the upkeep of the Net.

6
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: "stupid fucking idiot dipshit wanky cock-sucking Will.I.Am"

I am (slowly) compiling my first hundred SFTWS columns for publishing in book form, and I am in the process of inserting footnotes that reveal every instance in which my references to Will.I.Am were expunged.

4
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: !not

Try saying it out loud.

- Alistair "Dr Seuss" Dabbs

4
0

Roll up for El Reg's 3G/4G MONOPOLY DATA PUB CRAWL

Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Do not pass Go

Which jail did you choose to test from?

2
0

The Register to boldly go where no Vulture has gone before: The WEEKEND

Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

phwoar

Did we just call Tim Worstall "buff"?

1
0

You'll find Yoda at the back of every IT conference

Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: HA!

You're not the one who keeps getting her kit off, are you?

12
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Summoner's Tale

It may be "proper" but it is still "questionable". In terms of grammatical pedantry, "Ten Summoner's Tales" is correct. It is, however, questionable: despite being attractively concise in its three words, "Ten Summoner's Tales" is an awkward way of both (1) declaring that there is such a thing as a Summoner's Tale and (2) that there are ten of them.

It is also grammatically correct to walk into a cafe and order "one eggs and bacon" once you have established that "eggs and bacon" refers a named item on the menu rather than, oh I dunno, simply some eggs and bacon on a plate, but I would argue that the grammar, although explicable, is questionable.

5
3
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Ten Summoner’s Tales

The one thing that a pun is supposed to do is sound like another word. Sting's pun doesn't even have the same number of syllables.

2
1
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Looks like Google Translate wouldn't make a good heckler

Calling out "Boll. Oh-see-kay-ess." doesn't come close.

0
0

Why do Reg readers deserve the big bucks? Here's why...

Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Booze?

Hey Dom, I'll come along if there's booze.

0
0

Nuts to your poncey hipster coffees, I want a TESLA ELECTRO-CAFE

Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: more proof of the decline of the West

Soya? Bah! We should drink REAL coffee made without milk. Or sugar. Or coffee.

Sofa? Bah! We should sit on REAL chairs made of raw oak with upturned nails on the seat.

Matress? Bah! We should sleep in a REAL bed made of a paper bag in t' middle o' road.

0
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Espresso

Yawn. I used to work with someone who used to tell me that the pizzas I liked weren't "real pizzas". Who gives a flying fuck? I'll eat what I like. I'll drink what I like.

11
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: If you want a proper coffee

Why grind it up and pressurise water through it? I prefer my coffee as raw beans. Unroasted. Before they've even grown. Etc...

4
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Black coffee

To be fair, one BOFH is worth four SFTWS.

2
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: or you could go even more downmarket...

Ah, now that's because Birmingham rocks big time. Seriously.

1
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: 2014

Mine's a scotch. If you're getting them in, that is.

4
0

The Register is HIRING technology hacks for the WORLD

Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: A tabloid journalist for El Reg with Fluency in English eh

A pedant writes...

'Tabloid' is not a paper size but the style of writing, even though people assume it's the other way around.

An annoying pedant adds...

'Tabloid' was a word invented to describe Alfred Harmsworth's original Daily Mail with its mix of stories, topics and pictures on each page. In serious papers, you'll have entire sections devoted to politics or international affairs. In a tabloid, you can have a political story, a weather forecast, a piece of PR shit about a celebrity and a bunch of news-in-brief stories about pets all on the same page.

5
1

Nice computers don’t need to go to the toilet, says Barclays

Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Starbucks

I suppose I could always try the Bart Simpson approach: "My name is Hugh Janus" etc.

0
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Errrr?

Reg subs startle easily? Surely you jest. Hard as effing nails, they are.

0
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: don't forget train ticket barriers....

I have an unfortunate tendency to kick the barriers if they're playing up. A man in a hi-viz jacket tried to admonish me on one such occasion, but when I began ranting about how I pay X-hundreds of pounds a month for my travel pass only to have the fucking thing slam in my face, he sort of hummed and nodded as he let me through.

On the London Underground, the barriers frequently open for you and then almost immediately close as you're about halfway through. One of these slammed with such unexpected force that it caught my hand carrying my Oyster card and snapped the card in two. They had to drag me away from kicking the shit out of the thing.

6
1
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Starbucks

Why not? It's my name. Although, I suppose in the case of Starbucks, it isn't.

0
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Terminator quotes

So, how many Terminator quotes did you spot?

0
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Your name on the coffee 'cup'

If ever there was a photo I wish I had snapped on impulse, it was in a Costa when a Spanish barista came on-shift and signed in to the till, which then flashed up the message: "You are being served by Jesus."

11
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

>> did you make it to your user group meetup

Yes, thank you. Fortunately, nobody in the user group knows I write this column.

0
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Errrr?

It's my fault for surprising the Reg subs by unexpectedly getting my column written on time.

21
0

Philip K Dick 'Nazi alternate history' story made into TV series

Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Germany? I thought it was Japan

Perhaps I need to dig out the book again. I could have sworn the story concentrates on Japanese (not German) occupiers on the West Coast, and the occupation wasn't particularly fascist or military - it just satirised the post-war American in-all-but-name occupation of Japan. The bit with the liberal-minded Japanese visiting a shop and trying to be really nice sticks in my mind. Heck, maybe it was a different book...

3
0

NSA man: 'Tell me about your Turkish connections'

Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: What's wrong with Turkey?

I have to agree, I've never met a Turk who I didn't like. But then I've never met their politicians.

4
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: "Has anyone put anything in your luggage without your knowledge?"

>> those twin towers are costing me hours per trip fannying around

Strictly speaking, the most annoying fannying is the direct result of Richard Read, a Briton, and his matchstick soles and lack of braincells. Don't blame the Americans.

2
1
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: We know, you know.

>> The police rarely ask questions they don't already know the answers to

How would they like it if I walked up to a policeman while holding a big watch and asked the time?

4
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: What wonderful City?

The incident was in Lexington. I'd like to try the West Coast, if only to see if people really do live in funny mock castles like I saw on Columbo in the 70s.

3
1
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Don't generalize

My one trip to Boston was thoroughly enjoyable, especially sitting in a bar watching the Patriots romp home to a big win while being amazed how easy it was to speak to people without starting a fight.

1
0

Unbridled BONKING and rampant ROGERING at YOUR office!

Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Stereotypes

I've tried this gag picturing computer-literate teenagers as being dressed in Armani suits, smelling of CK and driving Lamborghinis but readers have trouble believing it.

25
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Dabbsy, Don't Leave

Great, I'll book a venue for standup at BDF14.

0
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

>> I assume this is/was our beloved Dabbsy

T'was me. I was delighted to see this tweeted to me from Dave Green this morning. NTK made good reading and I looked forward to it every week... now no longer with us. Falco!

2
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: @Milen (was: nothing but pure fancy)

By "code", I meant tapping a sequence of buttons on your game controller or a sequence of keys on your keyboard to unlock an Easter Egg.

4
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: nothing but pure fancy

It has to be done with "a click" of "a button", remember. No keyboard work or browser setup. Just go to Instagram and click on a button.

9
0

Running the Gauntlet: Atari's classic ... now and then

Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

My flatmate used to play this...

... when we were Uni students in the mid-1980s. I never understood the bloody thing but I guess he had more patience. He's now a financial director somewhere earning shitloads. So at least I got the last laugh... no, hang on, that's not right, is it?

2
0

The final score: Gramophones 1 – Glassholes 0

Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Google Potatohead+

Must get some of those Google Guttocks.

For my next trick, I will count to ten while drinking a glass of water.

1
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Photos photos

>> superimpose images of the Laughing Man

I thought what I'd do was, I'd pretend I was one of those deaf-mutes.

9
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Hmmm

Anyone else think this reads like one of those Armstrong & Miller sketches? "It might seem funny but it happened to a friend of mine."

4
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

>> being on Youtube within the hour

Paranoia informs me that the Glass wearer is, as you suggest, merely an agent. It's Google that determines what to do with the content being collected on its behalf by these agents.

2
0

You 'posted' a 'letter' with Outlook... No, NO, that's the MONITOR

Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Regarding the terminology problems...

Of course, the term "floppy disc" is an open invitation for you to flop it about vigorously to find out *how* floppy it is. At least, that was the case when I was at school. The very name compels you to test it out. Like "bulletproof glass".

0
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Parents

I find that a lot of people have difficulty keeping the mouse still while double-clicking icons on a desktop. In effect, they are clicking, dragging and dropping by a few pixels, and clicking again. When the person under 60, I show them a keyboard shortcut (e.g. click once on the icon and tap the Return key) but for some reason older people enjoy the additional thrill of using the mouse two-handed: one hand to hold the mouse still and other other to do the double-click.

0
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

>> this is your first column that physically hurt me

Physically? The monitor fell over while you were reading and hit you on the head?

Oh pedantry...

0
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

>> while it was switched off

I had him try some of the other computers in the same room. Two of them were 'not connected' and three others were OK. We used the ones that were OK to fiddle around with the router. Of course, all this explanation is very boring to read so I didn't write it up in the column.

4
1
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

My mum's TV

Actually I'm on my way up to Leeds to sort out my mum's TV. She says she can't get Sky any more, even though a Sky engineer set it up for her this week. When I asked if her TV was working OK, she said she'd pulled all the power cables out the back. I suppose that's why she can't get Sky.

8
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Good practice

It's a long story.

4
0

You need a list of specific unknowns we may encounter? Huh?

Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: "It’s not fit for purpose"

No, I didn't say any of those things. But wouldn't I have looked smart if I had?

1
0
Alistair Dabbs
Bronze badge

Re: Does my budget look big in this

>> here I am stuck in the office commenting on your comment so who am I to judge

That's both of our Friday afternoons wasted. I won't tell anyone if you don't.

1
0

Page: