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* Posts by Howard Hanek

47 posts • joined 25 Apr 2009

UK.gov! frets! over! Yahoo! exodus! to! RIPA-free! Dublin!

Howard Hanek
Flame

Wrong Move

Perhaps in order to address privacy concerns Yahoo should move their European Hdqrs to Moscow or Sevastapol.

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ZEPPELINS to replace Goodyear blimps in American skies

Howard Hanek

Real American

So it's a German airship with an American logo. Right.

American's are used to things like that. We have a Kenyan citizen with an American logo who's ego is the size of that blimp. And he's seen everywhere.

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Twitter shares tank as blabbergasm implodes in full glare of unforgiving investors

Howard Hanek
Headmaster

I Love New Words

I can't WAIT to see the meaning of the word blabbergasm in a forthcoming dictionary. A state of sheer ecstasy while engaging in social media resulting in a flood of effluent. Usually after using a controlled substance. A condition common to Twitter users.

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Yahoo! Mail! users! change! your! passwords! NOW!

Howard Hanek
FAIL

Somewhere in the Clouds.......

Someday Britain will wake up and find that the London Financial District has been successfully migrated overnight to Lagos. Fortunately being an English speaking country business will continue uninterrupted and Abu Dabai will purchase the vacant real estate from the owners for a pittance. Britain will then apply for membership in the African Union.....

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Windows 8.1 becomes world's fourth-most-popular desktop OS

Howard Hanek
Coat

All those unopened, shrink wrapped boxes gathering dust on Admin's storage closet shelves awaiting disposal years hence......

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Yes, Google can afford to lose $9bn in Motorola sale. But did it really?

Howard Hanek
Facepalm

Am I Reading Variety?

The lead in to the story sounds like you recruited writers from Variety? Google's Off Handset Max Tax Axe trick ....or something.....

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Those NSA 'reforms' in full: El Reg translates US Prez Obama's pledges

Howard Hanek
Big Brother

Optical Illusion

As the President's speech progressed it seemed as if the smoke and mirrors came sharply into focus and I remembered how much the truth means to a man who can lie so repeatedly if it serves his purpose. So no, I don't believe his words but will closely monitor his actions.

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Apple fails to shake antitrust watchdog loose, receives judge slapdown

Howard Hanek
Gimp

Government to Apple: "We are the Borg. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated. We will add your distinctive biological and technological essence to our own." Followed by a barrage of IRS agents, EPA examiners, FTC bureaucrats, lawyers, image consultants, crisis management experts, journalists, financial advisers, and irate shareholders.

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Microsoft to RIP THE SHEETS off Windows 9 aka 'Threshold' in April

Howard Hanek
Trollface

Windows 8 Conspiracy

I think that the whole Windows 8 project was a vast conspiracy between Microsoft and the Indian government as a scheme to expand their online support industry there......Microsoft was receiving commissions on the number of support calls which exceeded the license fees from actual sales.....

The goal was full employment for India.....adding hundreds of millions of support reps....

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Haswell micro: Intel’s Next Unit of Computing desktop PC

Howard Hanek
Headmaster

Strange

Having owned a mac mini for years I wasn't even aware that intel (who also supplies the CPU for the Mac Mini) made their own desktop bricks. Looking at the specs and the prices Intel's offering is rather feeble. I find this all strange and a waste of time and effort.

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Here's what YOU WON'T be able to do with your PlayStation 4

Howard Hanek

Sony Bricks

PS4's should be seen in your local landfill soon! Not content with their recent reported loss Sony appears to have decided that it was not large enough. They're unable to connect in more ways than just video displays or external hard drives.

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Apple slams brakes on orders of (not so cheap) plasticky iPhone 5C

Howard Hanek
WTF?

A REAL Bargain?

$549 for an unlocked 16GB 5C? A REAL bargain? Nuts.

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White House promises glitch fix for Obamacare website

Howard Hanek
FAIL

The government printing office is busily printing tens of millions of coloring books and crayola just received a huge contract. The "Navigators" who are color blind are being pensioned off and we have received absolute assurances that the problem was really the inability of the target groups to read and write. The Common Core curriculum should ensure that for all future generations and ALL government systems will gradually be switched over to the new method.

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Microsoft reissues September patches after user complaints

Howard Hanek

Try Music

Suggest playing Clarence Carter's 'Patches' during updates because they've been so sorry lately.....

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iPhone 5S: Apple, you're BORING us to DEATH (And you too, Samsung)

Howard Hanek
Mushroom

Has anyone else noticed that with each improvement to iPhones and Galaxys the IQ level of their owners seem to drop? Concentrating all your energies into your gadget will probably result in near-sighted stylus-like fingered primate with the IQ of Chimpanzees.....

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Microsoft cans three 'pinnacle' certifications, sparking user fury

Howard Hanek

Bugs as Income Centers

I've never been ceased to be amazed at how MS took troubleshooting it's own bugs into courseware and "çertifications" to be valued and prized. What a modern scientific world we live in where errors, mistakes and spagetti code becomes the basis of wealth.

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Google cripples Chromecast third party replay

Howard Hanek

I wonder?

This article made me think that perhaps Adam and Eve were 9 feet tall and God cut them off at their first set of knees........Gods will do that you know.....or godlike creatures....or creatures who think of themselves as godlike.....

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YouTube Wars: Microsoft cries foul as Windows Phone app pulled again

Howard Hanek
Windows

Re: Lonely Here

Who are the other two? I've always wondered when I would find another kindred spirit.

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Howard Hanek

Another Executive Order Coming?

Looks like time for another last minute Executive Order by the Obama Administration to the party with the most campaign contributions.

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Google: Cloud users have 'no legitimate expectation of privacy'

Howard Hanek

Cloudy Future

It's difficult to imagine anyone doing serious business or sensitive correspondence who would ever use Cloud Services now or in the future. The whole concept of big data will have to undergo a complete change in architecture and security and the legal questions resolved to the users satisfaction before it will ever again receive serious consideration. The entire climate of surveillance and government access will force most of these transactions out of the hands of those mucking it up today.

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Cisco readies axe for 4,000 employees

Howard Hanek

Axes?

One axe for 4,000? The guy must be a regular at triathalons.

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More brutal PC numbers from Dell as revenues stay flat, profits sink

Howard Hanek

Ding, Dong, Dell

Why would ANYONE buy a Dell ANYTHING after they all but announced they were going to take a long, hot bath and open their veins? Paging Carl Icahn!

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Murdoch machinations mean Microsoft must rename SkyDrive

Howard Hanek
Trollface

How about, "We'llShortlyAbandonYouDrive"? or "OnlyAsLongAsWeMakeMoneyDrive" ??

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Microsoft lobs second Windows 8.1 preview at enterprise IT admins

Howard Hanek

Microsoft's Own Weapon of Mass Destruction

Steve Balmer should have a special niche in business school libraries with a bust of him holding a Surface RT...His own WMD that Microsoft turned on itself...

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How the clammy claws of Novell NetWare were torn from today's networks

Howard Hanek
Windows

Re: Nostaglia isn't what it used to be...

How much simpler it was. Either or was mainly a function of your IT budget. Netware was more expensive and required a higher level of support staff. The MS products were evolving very quickly then and support cost less.

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Microsoft admits it's '18 months behind' with Windows 8 slabs

Howard Hanek

Note to author: Please ignore those warehouses filling up with unsold fondleslabs and understand the difference between the concepts of manufactured and sold. Adolf Hitler in March 1945 thought he was 18 months behind where he wanted to be also.

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Windows 8.1: So it's, er, half-speed ahead for Microsoft's Plan A

Howard Hanek
Flame

Resistance is Futile

We are the Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated and your technology will add to our perfection. Or something.

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Microsoft partners seriously underwhelmed by Windows 8.1

Howard Hanek
Mushroom

Windows Omega?

Mr. Ballmer states that the 'problem' is that there are just not enough fondleslabs. The fondleslab manufacturers whose warehouses are filling up with unsold fondleslabs question whether or not Mr. Ballmer secretly suffered some undiagnosed mental collapse a year or two ago and that there are just not enough similarly diagnosed mental patients in the market for a new fondleslab. I tend to agree with them.

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Intel CTO Rattner steps down to attend to 'pressing family matter'

Howard Hanek
Mushroom

What Can We Expect?

Does this mean the astronomically high price of their chips will come down? Or is that awaiting a burst of inflation to resolve?

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FCC orders wireless carriers to protect customers' call info

Howard Hanek
Mushroom

And the other secret orders?

.......while secretly ordering them to share it but with a penalty only if they get caught. So we'll hear of no more spying on anybody by anybody through anybody....or else!

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Apple threatens ANOTHER Samsung patent lawsuit

Howard Hanek
Mushroom

Give 'em a Break!

Come On! The blood sucking parasitic horde of lawyers employed by these two benighted corporate pugilists need to eat too. Well, perhaps if they aren't fed they'll resort to cannibalism. On second thought maybe it's best this gets settled out of court.....Right!

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We want to put a KILL SWITCH into your PHONE, say Feds

Howard Hanek
Flame

We Would NEVER Target Political Enemies

So besides the IRS we have to worry about them turning off our phones too?

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Microsoft Office 365 on iPhone NOW: No, we're not making this up

Howard Hanek
Joke

Gives New Meaning to the Word Obscurity

I can't wait to renew my contact lens prescription.

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Microsoft to open Windows Stores inside 600 Best Buy locations

Howard Hanek
FAIL

Spread the Failure?

When your two newest flagship products are failures AND overpriced you have no choice but to go to direct sales.

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Coke? Windows 8 is Microsoft's 'Vista moment'. Again

Howard Hanek
FAIL

MS Ignores All Past UI Research

Touch screens have been tried before. The research, conducted almost thirty years ago, concluded that desktop touch screens were ergonomically harmful resulting in 'gorilla' arm fatigue. Several major players HAD touch screen systems utilized mainly in education and testing. They ALL ultimately failed because of user complaints.

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Ginni blasts 'slow' IBM staff after poor Q1 results

Howard Hanek
Flame

What's HER secret?

This tirade has left me the distinct impression that perhaps Ms. Rometty utilizes some controlled substances to increase HER performance.

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Google Drive goes titsup for MILLIONS of users

Howard Hanek
FAIL

Umrellas Please?

Washed away by an unexpected cloud burst?

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BT missing from Pirate Bay High Court slap-down

Howard Hanek
Pirate

The Only Blocks Here Are the Blockheads at High Court

http://www.theregister.co.uk/Design/graphics/icons/comment/pirate_32.png

Open DNS. Address spoofing. Aliases, a few simple sixty second solutions to negate all the high cost legal talent squandered on stupidity. Or perhaps by stupidity......

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Windows 8: Sugar coating on Microsoft's hard-to-swallow tablet

Howard Hanek
Unhappy

Does Anyone Remember HAL?

No, not the HAL from Arthur Clarke's 2001 series but the overlay developed in the 80's in the pre-Windows dark ages? Metro reminds of that and the concept will not fly nor resurrect itself like the Phoenix. Another layer upon a faulty foundation never works out.http://www.theregister.co.uk/Design/graphics/icons/comment/unhappy_32.png

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So did Windows Phone 7 'bomb in US'?

Howard Hanek
Headmaster

More Microsoft Bloatware?

Can this be Zune II?

When developing with MS products it is often helpful to depict the project as a giant bowl of pasta. Any new pasta added will never have the same form as the old and after a period of time the bowl will resemble nothing anyone would want to consume.....

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Shareholders sue HP over Hurd's sex scandal probe

Howard Hanek
Joke

Inevitable

I have a theory that these events are part of a vast conspiracy to create new scripts for daytime soap operas. I'm reluctant to publish my book in fear of the inevitable lawsuits that will follow.....

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Greenpeace wags finger at eco-laggards

Howard Hanek

Another Moral Dilema Solved

This has made me decidedly 'cool' toward these pandering perverters and their planetary prevaricators.

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Web browser makers line up battleships

Howard Hanek

Beancounters

Statistics bombard us. I was wondering if, in the Land of Beancounters whether or not they raise beans anymore? They probably passed laws against it on the basis that more beans just 'confused' people. Sort of like G-8 countries don't manufacture anything but defense weapons and video games.http://www.theregister.co.uk/Design/graphics/icons/comment/troll_32.png

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Microsoft's software vision chief embraces future horror

Howard Hanek

Captain Ahab Says

and Captain Ahab says that Whale Oil will continue it's dominance of the lighting industry....

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Sacha Baron Cohen scars Paula Abdul for life

Howard Hanek
Joke

Imagine!

Why Paula Abdul is a 'judge' . Fooling a judge is serious business and is usually only done by hardened career criminals. So where did Sacha do his time before this incident? He'll never make the Fashion Police this way.

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Apple slices retail staff as sales slide

Howard Hanek
Gates Horns

Apple Slices Retail Staff

We'll maybe with all the redundant retail space it could actually sell apples and apple products. You know - pies, cobbler, dumplings - candy apples. It would mean having to retrain the staff to know what Brown Betty meant or a Macintosh other than an old doorstop of a computer. Just a thought.

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