Posts by Camilla Smythe

Hmmmm Brazil is also Orkut

Is The Chocolate Factory losing 'share'?

Why Don't ARM

Tell them to all Feck Off and sort themselves out Proper Like?

Does not Compute..

"The execution of innocent people is death penalty opponents' strongest argument against nooses, electric chairs and gas chambers."

and then

"However, banging murderers up indefinitely just doesn't cut it for some people, so we're inviting suggestions as to how these perps could be made to really suffer."

.... Oh, perhaps you were 'aving a larf.

Moon Zero Two

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0064691/

Bollicks

The Human Head is a major source of crufty crap that will rapidly shit all over that one, and others.

'Hi, thanks for taking the time. In my presentation I am going to demonstrate how we via; POP, FMCG, RTO, NPV, CLOUD, SaaS, Paas, NCP, RTI, NFC, SQL, PHP, JAVA and other important technologies will maximise return on "your" investment...

Click

Click

Click

...Oh. Sorry My PowerPoint Presentation appears to be having problems. Errrrrm

Click

Click

Click'

'That's OK. Obviously not your fault for running Windows Cruftware on a Nice Shiny Unibody. Perhaps I should mention that we are in a FaradApple Cage.'

'Oh, ERM 'K Justin Bieber Man Glasses Then?'

Handbags at Dawn?

http://www.backtrack-linux.org/backtrack/backtrack-0day-privilege-escalation/

Sarah dispels pregnancy rumours

Still putting shoes on her head then :-)

OK..

Who put Vanessa Felz in charge of the home office?

Britten

"I think government understand how important [it] is when you talk to them".

Fuck me mate. Which Planet did you arrive from?

Talking to Government about 'important stuff' is futile. They are too busy going 'Lah Lah' behind closed doors fondling their fondleslabs sacking each other and setting up a few nice earners from industrial lobbyists for when they get the boot for knowing fuck all and being spoon fed.

Take Google as a case in point....

Oooooops Bugger...

As you were.

Makes Obama Look Like a Dumb Fuck.

'Sir! Yes! Sir!... You Control The Big Red Shiny Button Via Your iPAD! Sir!'

'But he gets to sack people....'

'Sir! Yes! Sir!... You Control The Big Red Shiny Button Via Your iPAD! Sir!'

God would not do this to us.

"Consider the fleas on the cat. They neither work nor toil for to sup blood. Yeh verily even the cat scoffs Whiskas to provide its blood to the fleas and all at no cost to itself, purr purr. Then ask yourselves 'Why should God interrupt that which he has created by tossing rocks at it ?' Be calm, be pure, tweet via your iPhone.. all is well.

YAY!!!!!!

Obviously taking lessons from Kent..

http://www.phorm.com/assets/reports/Director_Dealing_27-Dec-2011.pdf

28 December 2011

Phorm, Inc. ("Phorm" or the "Company")

Director Dealing

Phorm (AIM: PHRM and PHRX) announces that on December 28th Kent Ertugrul, CEO and Chairman of the Company, transferred for nil consideration 2,594,412 shares in the Company to Value Trust Holdings Pte Ltd limited for tax planning purposes.

Well done 'that man'. Good to see you taking care of 'business'.

urrrrm whorrrp etc...

Presumably Apple has a patent on such activities. Narf Narf.

Nipples!!!!!

I insist that the balloon[s] are topped off with great big throbbing erect nipples... err, to improve the vertical ascent aerodynamics.

You can also put huge chainsaws on the leading edge of the wings to cut the guy ropes on release.

Also useful for landing if any trees or people get in the way.

Eh...

FaceArse fails to protect their sheep and some politico who has signed up, been bought, for a share of the fleece has a ming about things.

It must be one of those Days of the Week that includes the letters 'd' 'a' and 'y' in its name.

Bloody sheep farmers. Next thing you know they will be sticking up fences all over the place.

Evolution

See.. knobs don't come with clitoral stimulators and they do not bend the right way for the G spot. Ergo there is no G spot... or clitoris.

Eh ?

"The restriction is displayed when users run iBook Author, but only at the end of the e-book design process. At which point one might be prompted to go back and read the EULA - which wasn't displayed during the installation of the program:"

Not being one to RTFA but that seems like a nice summary.

FREE FRUITY PRETTY SHINY THINGS, FREE FREE FREE, EVER SO FREE GOSH LOOK ITS FREE AND SHINY.

Oh, by the way....

Eh?

Not very 'JCB' is it?

Couldn't they have done a deal with Doc Martens?

Oi! Oi! Oi!

Erm... maybe not then.

Hmmmm

Just the right size to fit in a Smartie.

What's the exchange rate?

Fine

1) Reckless Flying.

2) Fly Tipping.

3) Shit Parking.

4) Driving the wrong way around a one way crater.

5) Inappropriate use of full beam laser disturbing oncoming traffic.

6) ETC

"The chances of anything coming from Earth are a Million to One They Said. The Chances Of Anything Coming From Earth Are A Million To One but......"

'Oh Do Shut The Fuck Up. Are we going to Ticket it when it gets here?'

'Sir! Yes! Sir!'

StuxNet

I'll be wrong here but StuxNet was based on process control systems as implemented under Visual Basic as epitomised by.... Just a mo... the memory cells are failing... errrr... uhm..

Nope... Hang on. I'll get there eventually..

National Instruments.. LabView

http://www.ni.com/

Thanks for the reminder.

I am seriously low quality but tomorrow I will be spending extra time in bed not buggering about with the XP install downstairs. I know it is shafted but fuck it and the person who fucked it and still uses it.

I'd upgrade them to Vista if I was feeling pissed. Is that any better?

'Knock Knock'

'Oh, hello. How can I help?'

'Come for your grannies kidneys.'

'Pardon?'

'You know.'

'I really have no idea...'

'Now now Sir. Downloaded Really Useful Tool Version 1.06?'

'Yes..'

'Fair enough. I'll just start up my chainsaw.'

'Also upgraded to Really Useful Tool Version 1.07 Boss.'

'Wife's liver as well then. Better get the other chainsaw.'

'Boss! Yes! Boss!'

'What on Earth?'

'Just show us where the donors are Sir and we'll be on our way....'

Wuh??!!??

"Facebook's IPO is on the horizon, so it's hardly surprising to see CEO Mark Zuckerberg sharpen his employees' focus on what are considered to be cornerstones that investors and shareholders expect from public companies: privacy and communication."

See Title

Yay!!!!!

Extreme engineering....

Would have been nice to have two on the way. Time to share knowledge and people as well as bits and pieces.

£24.7 million insurance for the Russian one.. That's $38.2 million dollars.

Let's see. Kent and his bunch of wankers at Phorm have burned $189.2 million dollars to date achieving fuck all. No... seriously. At least Russia got it off the launch pad and into orbit. Kent can't even get it up.... repeatedly.

$189.2M/$38.2M

That's 5 Mars missions!!!11*@*!!!!

Makes you wonder what else Institutional Investors are burning your PensionCash™ on when they could be funding Mars missions.

No Shit Politicians

David Cameron..

"For too long Britain's economy has been over-reliant on consumer debt and financial services. We want to rebalance the economy so that Britain makes things again - high-skilled, high-value manufacturing and engineering should be a central part of our long-term future."

Well... that statement just fucked the economy. Fucking Tory Twat. Has Thatchers tit finally dried up?

As any fule kno that the tomato is a fruit.

Plus it am packed wiv Lycopene wot is natures most powerful anti-oxyblobble which becomes more concerntrated by processing plus the body absorbs it better when digested wiv grease.

Crunchie Cat Food is also crunchie. Yum.. wiv lots of additional stuff.

My cat eats the crap bits from Crunchie Cat Food and leaves the good bits for me.

Hugz & Purz

40 years...?

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/11/15/the_first_forty_years_of_intel_microprocessors/

?

Wonder if the time to do something might have do something with the ground station using directed huge amounts of power saying.

<font size="HUGE">FUCKING DO THIS</font>

Before the Voyager repeatedly meeps

<font size="tiny>ok</font>

and the return message via HUGE aerial arrays on Earth cross-correlate the repetitive weeny signal enough times to believe Voyager has done as asked.

Perhaps Intelligent life might have replied.

"PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP with your irritating transmissions.... We have done it for you. OK!"

Here you go...

http://uk.linkedin.com/pub/marc-burgess/4/973/624

Oh sorry. He is a CIO, Chief Information Officer, or perhaps a CLIO, Chief Lack of Information Officer.

In respect of Security/Privacy catch Marc, I am guessing it is him, on,

http://tobymeres.net

During Dr Richard Clayton's presentations where amongst other interjections he manages to come up with the classic...

'So What?'

So...

Not available in 405 line grey and lighter grey with visible vertical scan lines and mono-phonics...

What's that mate?

Phone not working?

Front end receiver buggered by Solar Flares?

Awwwwh Shame.

Should have bought an iPhone like mine with a 'for shit' aerial from The Prophets.

I shall dial for two Pizzas using my patented Pizza ordering finger swipe. One for me and one for me. You may starve and have a Darwin award along with all the other non-iPhone users.

Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha.

I will be wrong.

The reference to 3.1..... Windows Write?

A text editor that....

I'll get my ZimmerFrame.

"Hotels around the world have it, so why wouldn't we?"

Because Hotels, and art museums, around the world have Cleaning Ladies with VIM!!!! Plus I do not need to sit next to someone partaking of a hand shandy.

Actually I think all of RyanAirs aircraft need to be quarantined immediately and given a good clean up as well given it is quite obvious that the customers are pissing and defecating all over the seats and now they are being invited to pump sexual juices all over them as well.

What next?

Mile high Dogging Club?

Cleaning Ladies Ay....?

'Ooooooo, Cackle Cackle. There's a nice record deck. I'll just whip me Vim Scouring Powder out and polish the lid with me bog flannel, Scrub Scub. There, all nice and clean.'