* Posts by Camilla Smythe

559 posts • joined 3 Apr 2009

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Carry On Computing: Ten stylish laptop bags for him

Camilla Smythe
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Just to add to other comments

How Fucking Much!!1!!?

I got my no name 'flight bag' for £15 and would be glad to go 'handbag to handbag' with anyone who thought the stuff you have chosen for this review was worth the money.

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Putting your schlong into the reel-to-reel tape machine is a bad idea

Camilla Smythe
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Give it another few years...

... and you can take the piss out of yourself again for the most recent crop of bollox.

Oh, and go buy a tie with stick on Polo Mints, or the present 'modern' equivalent. Then you can stop bitching about your life being a failure because you were not the right sort of dick head.

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Is your career lacking growth? Become a porn inspector! Hint: It sucks

Camilla Smythe
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http://www.37wan.com

... redirects.

I like the ones where the 'spastic girl' kicks the goose/pig/troll in the head three times and gets lots of gold and swords and stuff.

Lots of fantasy big titted white women as well.

If they stomped on that sort of shit maybe they could sell some LED light bulbs on e-bay that meet claimed lifetime specifications.

Xenophobic. Moi?

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GDS to handle Govt payments? What could possibly go wrong?

Camilla Smythe
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Re: Time to update the acronym dictionary

SPF (Single Point of Failure)

GDS (Gross Distortion of Service)

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Quarterly losses double at Hadoop hawker Hortonworks

Camilla Smythe
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May one enquire...

As to what exactly the fuck is Hadoop beyond the possibility that it is some sort of database shite that deals with bigger than your average database in order to spaff an advert at me for the socks I bought three years ago prior to experiencing amputation at the ankles.... I'll just check which bits got tossed.

-

-

Hmm maybe I can put them on my hands instead of gloves. Damn!!

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ISS 'naut: How we collect our POO and DROP it FLAMING on hapless Earthlings

Camilla Smythe
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Hope she is saving her zero gravity...

Coffee Stained Panties, for sale on.....

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In a galaxy far, far, far away ... Farthest ever star system discovered

Camilla Smythe
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Don't call me Shirley!

"Pic Astronomers at the Keck Observatory in Hawaii say they have spotted the furthest galaxy known to humans – a galaxy 13 billion light years away that formed about 670 million years after the Big Bang."

"EGS-zs8-1 is unusual among very early galaxies in that it's phenomenally bright for its age. It would have taken about 100 million years to form to the size that we see today, and is producing 80 per cent more stars than our own galaxy is at the moment."

How many linguine is that and who do I vote for on Thursday?

Silly me. Don't bother.

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Tesla Powerwall: not much cheaper and also a bit wimpier than existing batteries

Camilla Smythe
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Re: The details and math matter.

"The problem here is that most people don't know how much power they use, or what the alternative product really costs. Also, look at *our* target markets."

http://forums.theregister.co.uk/user/74820/

Anyway, as per the previous, how the fuck do I get if off the wall and put it in my car?

Oh.. silly me. I'm not 'rich enough to ask'.

I'll get me coat.... again.

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Camilla Smythe
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I'll probably have to 'get me coat' but..

How the fuck do you snaffle that one off the wall and stick it in your car?

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El Reg merch tentacle mulls retro LOHAN T-shirt

Camilla Smythe
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Re: ...and

"*Damn the line spacings....I demand ascii art friendly forum postings."

I have to admit the 'prior to assembly' ascii art works for me given this launch in Merca[pton] is taking a bit of time to sort out.

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2015/05/01/jeff_bezos_blue_origins_rocket/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0EIkzHYYm1w

http://i.imgur.com/zyy6rts.png

No shit. Apparently, in Merca[pton], Bezos is allowed to parachute his 'payload' on to the ground from 307,000 feet close to a place that looks a bit like it might blow up if the wind was in the wrong direction and you dropped your load on it whilst Musk has to spunk his 'payload' in the sea.

ITMT the SPB are not allowed to launch a balloon?

Presumably Bezos has pockets for the insurance payouts or might flick the switch on/off govs share of EC if they did not let him party on 'ground' zero. I guess it sucks to be Musk.

Sigh... should have gone with my original idea. Ho-hum.

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Facebook serves up shaved, pierced, tattooed 'butterfly' as CAPTCHA

Camilla Smythe
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Yew!!1!!

I was expecting some creative Labia Art, that would have to hurt, rather than some No Entry bits of Metal headlined by a Gateway To Hell tattoo done by Fat Slob 'Up Close and Personal' Tattoo Bob.

Still.. whatever Paints Your Wagon.

Strange to say this afternoon I uploaded a cat picture to one of the picture hosting services in a misplaced effort to explain html things and then modified the index.html and my browser was redirected to a caching proxy server....

Server: cat factory 1.0

Presumably FaceBook is using their own 'image guessing' software and pictures posted to their own servers in order to create their 'Captchas'.

Hopefully the poster of the Fanny Armoury involved had set their, lack of 'privacy', permissions up to avoid that sort of intrusion.. Then again, apparently not or rather the option was not available or it was ignored.

I hope she sues them.

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Bulging booty bird Kim Kardashian date game biz adds Britney Spears to bottom line

Camilla Smythe
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Glu...?

I suppose the Japanese are a bit weird in respect of... I don't know, apparently they have 'used panty shops'. I'm sure I learned about this from El Reg. Maybe I was living in a different 'Third Life'. They do seem to be 'hot' on the 3D shemale type stuff and gift them with big buttocks as well as well as other larger appendages and Dog Sex in Comics on the underground.

It's all a mystery to me.

Personally speaking I blame Blender and would insist that Mr Camerloon passes some sort of law that gets such FOSS banned along with that nasty encryption stuff.

Anyway it would appear that Chinese Internet Ad Culture is more directed towards 'beat them up' games from WAN37 with big swords beyond the usability of 'Luke' when they are not playing games involving voluptuous women.

sudo apt-get install glu

[sudo] password for bob:

Password1

-

E: Unable to locate package glu

Perhaps I need the Chinese Distro to obtain large female buttocks for face swallowing purposes. I had assumed Glu was a short reference to the same. Obviously the 'local geeks' are not up to speed.

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Rand Paul is trying to murder net neutrality. Is there a US presidential election, or something?

Camilla Smythe
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I agree with Mr Rand..

"The internet has successfully flourished without the heavy hand of government interference. Stated simply, I do not want to see the government regulating the Internet."

He obviously realises the Internet, hopefully I have capitalised that correctly, has flourished under something called RFC whereby people get together and discuss ideas prior to implementing things rather than doing, self interest, ad hoc stuff.

Perhaps he might wish to join 'the process' and pick up the next # to propose getting rid of all the shite that prevents his mates making huge profits rather than pretending to look like a chinless git in jeans without a clue.

HTH

HAND

ETC

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Facebook policy wonk growls at Europe's mass of data laws

Camilla Smythe
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I was once forced to...

Move back down to a 14" TeeVee. CRT no less, but I have to admit it was colour. 3 days later I did not notice the difference.

I suppose from a similar perspective I could live with 'less' of an Internet.

Then again I perhaps have not experienced the 'Full On FaceBook Experience'. I just occasionally come across a 'page' linked from somewhere else.

Do I have to 'sign up' to experience the 'Proper Crack Cocaine' version or would it be the 'same old, same old'?

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New EU security strategy: Sod cyber terrorism, BAN ENCRYPTION

Camilla Smythe
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I would have thought

Shutting down Wikipedia and FaceBook would work better.

No source for explosive recipes.. no medium to share them amongst your mates.

Hey, let's just get rid of the whole Internet Thang and return to the days when...

Oooh. That would be a bad idea. We could not spend all of our time tracking you so we can spaff adverts and take part in the global multi-billion industry that doubles the cost of products in order to put half in our pockets.

Please... Won't someone think of the advertisers?

'Adjusting for 347.1a12:24. Location 58:32:12:7: Analysing'

"What's the conclusion Bob?"

"Apparently they thought some cult was going to kill them off."

"And?"

"Just a Moment."

data received.

Set-Cookie: ACOOKIE=C8ctADE3ODYyMGQ5LTM3NDMtNGIzZC1iMWMyLTIyMTVlOTc0MDY4NAAAAAABAAAAGV8AAK44LFWuOCxVAQAAAIsnAACuOCxVrjgsVQAAAAA-;

'Do you want to buy some socks?'

"Any vestigial signs of Meat Bob?"

"Just the usual leftovers left over when the advertisers consume all revenue from the producers prior to going IPO and then go tit's up because they have no producers with money left to sell to."

"Mark it toxic and leave Orbit."

'Do you want to buy some socks?'

!!!Warning. Quarantine Failure!!!

!!!Warning. System Infected!!!

!!!Sorry Bob!!!

!!!Galactic Decontamination in 5:....

"It's full of Socks.!1?!"

'Hi Bob, C8ctADE3ODYyMGQ5LTM3NDMtNGIzZC1iMWMyLTIyMTVlOTc0MDY4NAAAAAABAAAAGV8AAK44LFWuOCxVAQAAAIsnAACuOCxVrjgsVQAAAAA-;'

'Do you want to buy some socks?'

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Money-for-mods-gate: Valve gives masterclass in how to lose gamers and alienate people

Camilla Smythe
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Here Here.

I agree totally. What you need is more in game tracking and targeted advertising with extra 'like' buttons. Our last survey said 99% of you concur so I must be right. Anything else is just Luddite denial from little people who cannot cope with the wider picture.

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The big boys made us do it: US used German spooks to snoop on EU defence industry

Camilla Smythe
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As a member..

Of the

UberScthumppGerlaketrinWascherMitBorherGedundlichtMachinerZuckenLiktFluftMachinen

Group.

... rough translation is 'One Peanut'.

I have nothing but praise for the Germanic Race for delivering all of their broken scheisse into the arms of the Americans such that they could break it some more and sell it back to the English as revenge for the Fly/Soup jokes.

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The huge flaw in Moore’s Law? It's NOT a law after all

Camilla Smythe
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Legacy

We have reached the stage where 'Moore's Law', despite various efforts at Viagra, has flopped over but we have achieved FaceBook.

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Massive TalkTalk data breach STILL causing customer scam tsunami

Camilla Smythe
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In February the company said it was liaising with UK data watchdog the Information Commissioner's Office and was writing to all of its customers to offer advice about the criminal activity negotiating places on the board.

GCHQ and Huawei were not available for comment.

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Easy ... easy ... Aw CRAP! SpaceX rocket ALMOST lands on ocean hoverbase

Camilla Smythe
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Re: Meh

"However there's no point in trying to hang your rocket from a wire, if that means making the thing significantly heavier."

Wrong point taken. What's the relative weight/complexity penalty of a hook on a pole versus four feet and their support structure and their falling over scenario.

Maybe more importantly.

Presumably rockets are designed to work better 'proper way up' in compression as opposed to 'the other way up' expansion. I might suggest an almost empty one going down might not suffer as much as a full one going up so once again the situation is relaxed..

Presumably also the Kerosene, plus oxidiser assuming it is required in the atmosphere, ends up in the wrong place when your rocket is 'the wrong way up'. Perhaps in addition to other things more tubes would be required.

Given they are apparently delicate structures and designed to the limits of what they are required to do then I might be more concerned about 'banging one down' and its skin and internals gaining ripples even if the stresses are in the right compressive direction.

Going for a 'Twat Dangle' seems to be a much gentler solution.

I do not deny it is impressive stuff beyond my clue but I assume someone has thought inside the box run the sums and reached the wrong solution.

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Camilla Smythe
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Re: Meh

"The divert video is even better for demonstrating it. They can take the falcon through some pretty extreme manoeuvres already and they've advanced their capabilities quite a bit from that test."

But the divert video is representative of the performance of The Banter Weight Grasshopper. It is apparent from the most recent video of The Super Heavy Weight Falcon that the resulting 'pretty extreme manoeuvres' that result when they attempt to 'scale' things produces unacceptable results.

"Landing on a barge is harder than landing on land anyway. For one thing, the ground doesn't generally wobble up and down (unless you're having a really bad day)."

Fine, my fault for being unable to express myself properly. I was not interested in the barge per se but rather the fact it represents their target area. The possibility that it might be moving up and down a bit does not detract from the fact the rocket itself was already a drunken sailor.

"Just read the instructions" might wish to adopt and assert a new tenancy agreement in respect of 'Moving In' instructions.

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Camilla Smythe
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Re: Meh

"I'm not sure how your launch escape system example helps though. They don't land on the rocket power (that's used to get them to sufficient altitude to deploy parachutes)."

Granted but the point is that the thrust in this case and as proposed is located above the centre of mass such that the system is inherently stable prior to application of any control system.

In the case of a SpaceX, any, launch the thing starts off slow and any thrusters or main engine control required to keep it pointing in the right direction do not have to respond rapidly. It is also leaving a fixed point and once it has left it need not care very much.

Once its got up to speed the constraints are further relaxed because all the other bits have attained inertia in the right direction and the big one will be that when you have got a couple of hundred or more miles to go you are not really bothered about being a few miles out because you have time to correct things.

It's a different kettle of kippers trying to come back down to a fixed point and the premise would be that what worked with the systems going up along with the associated relaxed constraints as you go through the phases concerned are in effect reversed when you come down so you no longer have the same degree of control if you attempt to rely on those same systems.

Again from the video you can see the thing losing the plot. The control is bandwidth limited as a result of the masses being dealt with along with the nature of forces applied and then it is bandwidth limited because it is a balancing pencil exercise and then it is fuel/power/time limited.

Assuming they had achieved the required level of control to land it I was not joking about hooking it up to a suspended wire. Apart from removing the requirement for 'feet' it seems to offer more degrees of freedom, reduce the opportunity for a hard smack followed by a skid and resulting fall over and perhaps relax requirements on the rocket itself.

Standing it on its head with reverse thrusters or rotating nozzles would be a greater, totally back to the drawing board, engineering challenge but if it were considered from the outset then. Well who knows. I assume they will get there and I will get to suck lemons but for the moment it looks like they are constrained to making the wrong choices based on legacy.

Perhaps Mr Musk plays golf?

http://i.imgur.com/O1a07EW.png

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Camilla Smythe
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Re: Meh

Here we go... Having looked at the video it looks like a big issue is having the thing standing on its end being supported by the main engines at the bottom.. No idea where the 'cold thrusters' are located but you might hope that they are located at the top of the assembly. Either way with the main support at the bottom you have a system that very likely suffers from a right half plane zero... The balancing a pencil on the end of your finger scenario. The overall control bandwidth is crippled as a result. You can see it in the descent. 'Whoops. Bugger. Whoops. Shit. Whoops. Oh Crap. Fuck. Bollocks'..... It is perhaps apparent that they are trading off speed of landing for left over fuel. They might have more success if they took things slower but that would mean more fuel. Either rotate the nozzles or use thrust deflectors and land it on its head. Then the thing would be in the ideal dangle position and the main engines could be used for positioning as well as support thrust..

http://i.imgur.com/7ZrjOOu.png

It's not rocket science, cough,

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Launch_escape_system

Notice how the centre of mass is maintained below the thrust.

Mr Musk can thank me later.

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Camilla Smythe
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Re: Meh

Please do take your down votes and stuff them where the sun don't shine...

http://i.imgur.com/qKTo5ik.png

Notice how long thin things are remarkably good at dangling from a wire but pretty crap at trying to stand on spindly legs. If the thing is 'almost' capable of manoeuvring onto a platform before falling over it should be more than capable of manoeuvring its HOOK onto a wire and then dangle in mid air.

As I suggest it is not rocket science. Mr Musk can thank me later.

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Camilla Smythe
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Meh

Close but no banana... and probably never.

Obviously I know fuck but why is it apparently being left exclusively to the rocket to pop its clogs on a bit of tarmac smeared on a barge in the middle of the sea and then fall over.

It got launched from a 'gantry' why not stick one on the tarmac along with 'I'm Fucking Here, Where the Fuck are You?' communications and associated responses, to recover it....

It's not 'rocket science'.

Yo! Elon. Twat.

I Thank You.

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We have a winner! Fresh Linux Mint 17.1 – hands down the best

Camilla Smythe
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Just installed it.

Shit... Linux Shit. *Insert Distribution* Shit.

Shit Shit Shit Shit Shit.

Absolute fucking load of cock-end with rotten spunk.

Torvalds.. go fuck yourself... and before you bitch about some other wanker fucking things over sort out your own shit. Twat!

What the fuck is all this shit under the hood?

Lah Lah Lah. I am in my Golden Chariot of The Gods.

You ARE fucking responsible.

Fuck off and sort it out you fucking Twat!

As to the author of this article. Fuck off and try not to reproduce.

Linux is shit and every distribution of it is shit and the rest of it is a load of cobbled together broken piece of shit.

and shove your fucking Linux shit based mobile phones and the rest up your arses.

HTH

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Camilla Smythe
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Just installed it.

Shit... Linux Shit. *Insert Distribution* Shit.

Shit Shit Shit Shit Shit.

Absolute fucking load of cock-end with rotten spunk.

Torvalds.. go fuck yourself... and before you bitch about some other wanker fucking things over sort out your own shit. Twat!

What the fuck is all this shit under the hood?

Lah Lah Lah. I am in my Golden Chariot of The Gods.

You ARE fucking responsible.

Fuck off and sort it out you fucking Twat!

As to the author of this article. Fuck off and try not to reproduce.

Linux is shit and every distribution of it is shit and the rest of it is a load of cobbled together broken piece of shit.

and shove your fucking mobile phones and the rest up your arses.

HTH

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Microsoft drops Do Not Track default from Internet Explorer

Camilla Smythe
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We have noticed...

<script>

We have noticed...That your browser has the Do Not Track flag set. Either you took the decision not to take it up the arse or someone else took it for you.

--obfuscated code to snaffle various bits of data--

EAT MY FUCKING COOKIES YOU BITCH. BEND OVER AND TAKE MY CONFECTIONERY YOU MISERABLE FUCKING CUNT. HAVE SOME FUCKING ADVERTS AS WELL!!!! FUCK YOU ALL. BWAH-HA-HA-HA. PROFIT!! SQUEE, SQUEEE, SQUEEEE. OH MY GOD I'VE JUST COME ALL OVER YOUR COMPUTER. CLICK ON YES OR CLICK ON YES BUT IGNORE MY CHOICE.

</script>

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UK.gov in pre-election 'Google tax' blitz against internet firms

Camilla Smythe
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It's good..

"Its good the UK is doing something about these companies. Its ridiculous that us slubs pay over 40% tax while a company like Google pays almost nothing."

http://regmedia.co.uk/2015/03/08/osbo_burger.jpg?x=648&y=429&crop=1

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/03/05/article-0-0BD02FEA000005DC-630_472x436.jpg

Nice shirts but..

Now ask them why Google is smeared across their WebSites.

OsboShirtLoon: "Fooking Cunts we are Going to VAT YOU"

CamShirtLoon: "I Agree. VAT them IMMENSELY"

Google "In respect of previous discussions may we be timorous and offer you a job?"

Both: "Ah well, that's a different matter."

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RIP Leonard Nimoy: He lived long and prospered

Camilla Smythe
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Re: Sorry about this.

Thanks..

http://i.imgur.com/y63zfn5.png

http://i.imgur.com/FeKQtiO.png

I apologise for my previous post and will give no explanation.

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Camilla Smythe
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Sorry about this.

Please can anyone tell me what Nimoy, or for that matter Shatner... and the others, contributed to anything beyond going 'blah' in a fillum and ultimately ending up on You Tube?

"Spock you are dead."

"Logically speaking we cannot therefore have this conversation. Fuck off and leave me in piece."

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SkyProwler VTOL transformo-drone set to darken skies

Camilla Smythe
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Look straight down as well as straight up.

Conquered Japan then... until they legislate against it.

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How good a techie are you? Objective about yourself and your skills?

Camilla Smythe
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Re: I have no idea what qualification Trevor is aiming for

Just did fried eggs on bread... worked out quite well.

I think Mrs Pott has married the right man.

Perhaps he might wish to make her http://www.theregister.co.uk/2015/02/22/post_pub_nosh_eggs_benedict/

I might wonder why she bothers given there are likely to be higher earners out there who have signed away.....?

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STOP! Pebble Time: New color watch clocks up $5m on Kickstarter

Camilla Smythe
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Monster Product

Shame about the marketing..

http://i.imgur.com/CduFiPR.png

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FlashRay bang, wallop: NetApp bigwigs play musical chairs

Camilla Smythe
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Doh Doh De Doh Doh Doh Doh

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTTb-AsyOpQ

If you can survive to the end You have been 'Rick Rolled'.

Don't know what happened there. I do not need brain bleach to clear the event.

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New Mexico mulls sale of first US commercial spaceport (and LOHAN launchpad)

Camilla Smythe
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It's a runway.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spaceport_America

They will sell it off to store cargo containers and overspill of car stock.

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So long, Lenovo, and no thanks for all the super-creepy Superfish

Camilla Smythe
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In The Beginning Was..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ALdL8oV_sY

Then someone discovered 'The Long Tail'....

http://i.imgur.com/xkXW2Va.png

and invented X-Factor....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ALdL8oV_sY

Fortunately you, as a commentard, can vote for a Politician in order to get crap such as this sorted out.

http://i.imgur.com/xkXW2Va.png

Oh Dear...

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Boffins grasp Big Knob, get ready to go ALL THE WAY at the LHC proton-punisher

Camilla Smythe
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What's the Fucking Point?

Seriously.. do tell.

Enquiring minds wish to be down voted.

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Official: Single people need to LOWER their EXPECTATIONS

Camilla Smythe
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Hi Jennifer.

Should you have given up on the search for 'Mr Perfect' and assuming you have not found a less perfect one with generally acceptable 'warts and all' may I offer myself?

I come with extra warts.

Not sure about the New El Reg Dating Service.

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LinkedIn INKED IN with Facebook Lean In push for more women in tech

Camilla Smythe
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Re: Duh-Oh

"Can I say that?"

As long as you bring your own tub of the right sort of grease and a full set of spanners then I suppose so.

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This post has been deleted by a moderator

Tesla bumps up Model S P85D acceleration – with software update

Camilla Smythe
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"A new software update" PFFT..

'As any fule kno' a properly implemented 'analogue' control loop would make the thing balls to the wall faster at becoming faster than some ScriptSkiddie fluffing about with his ShiftyWare.

Version 1)

"Yo Elon!"

"Yo ScriptSkiddie!"

"If we rewrite this bit and avoid loading that bit then the processor can back off faster when it receives the 'Oh Shit' signal from the analogue shit so we can drive things harder and accelerate faster"

"Brilliant! Do you want to transfer to the SpaceX division and have a look at the code used to control our Flappy Wings during descent?"

Version 2)

"Yo Elon!"

"Yo ScriptSkiddie!"

"If we rewrite this bit and avoid loading that bit then the processor can back off faster when it receives the 'Oh Shit' signal from the analogue shit so we can drive things harder and accelerate faster"

"Why don't we use a 6802 instead and let the analogue shit take care of the shit?"

"Errr I only know C."

"This was not the answer I was looking for."

Version 3)

"Yo Elon!"

"Yo ScriptSkiddie!"

"If we rewrite this bit and avoid loading that bit then the processor can back off faster when it receives the 'Oh Shit' signal from the analogue shit so we can drive things harder and accelerate faster"

"Why don't we use a 6802 instead and let the analogue shit take care of the shit?"

"Errrr.. It's not very headline glamorous. 'Bloke changes value of R1 and C4 to improve acceleration' vs 'Software update makes you shit your pants faster.'"

"Kool!!!11!!"

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Ugly, incomplete, buggy: Windows 10 faces a sprint to the finish

Camilla Smythe
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Re: "Hey, Camilla. What can I do for You?"

"Now, what do you suggest for people who use Windows-only accountancy packages, CAD suites, and play the occasional game?"

Erm.. MySQL, FreePascal/Lazarus... obviously I am looking for a lebian experience with Ms Stobb.

It is, after all, apparently 'cross platform' and also comes with 'Free, As in Beer'... which might be part of the problem so I would not suggest you adapt someone else's or write your own and come up with concepts that fit what you want.

Of course you may also choose to continue to pay to 'live inside the box' and pay for the opportunity to 'live outside of the box'... whilst still being 'inside the box'.

Perhaps you might also provide the Pluniverse with 'Flappy Dave'.

Before you rape me I claim naif.

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Camilla Smythe
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"Hey, Camilla. What can I do for You?"

"Hey, PowderPuffFace. Why not start with losing your hard coded pretend personality?"

"Good Morning! Let's get your day started.

1) Nice Weather.

2) Install Linux.

->

-

Click. Del.. Tap.. Tap.. Booting from sdbc3.

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Microsoft wants LAMP for wireless mobe charger

Camilla Smythe
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Message Received

From: the.mysterons@anotherplanet.galaxy

To: earthling@yourplanet.tv

Subject: Bwah Hah Hah

See Subject

Kind Regards

Captain Black

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Post-pub nosh neckfiller: Hot Spanish tongue action

Camilla Smythe
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From The Cow Protection League.

Bestiality division.

We do wish the necrophiliacs would lay off for a while.

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ALIEN fossils ON MARS: Curiosity snaps evidence of life

Camilla Smythe
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FOOKING BIG ALIEN LEG AT THE BOTTOM LEFT

Just in case you did not notice.

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European data law: UK.gov TRASHES 'unambiguous consent' plans

Camilla Smythe
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Oh Great

Does this mean BT, TalkTalk and Virgin will be lining up to circle jerk with Phorm again?

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No, I won't SNORKEL in your server room at STUPID-O'CLOCK

Camilla Smythe
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Troll Phish Bait Article

Flooded basement iz Urban Legend in as much as if might have happened and it will be repeated but obviously no-one is paying much attention anyway. Eeeee when I wert lad 75% of NORAD went down because the bloke who wrote Access moved desk and they did not terminate his T-junction. Everyone else went ape because their Excel spreadsheets, where the real analysis was done, could not connect to his shit-base to get any data. Everyone is flapping about like expert flappy birds trying to diagnose the wrong problem and I get back from a bit of R&R to have them flap at me. I leave the meeting to go take a piss and on the way back take a detour via my cardboard box of 50ohm terminators and twist one in, wait a while and then check my e-mails. Gregory wants to know if his boss can have his submarines back 'no questions asked'. I return to the meeting and say things seem to be working now mentioning some sort of incompatibility due to an upgrade.. quick check and everyone is happy.

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Festive post-pub noshtastic neckfiller: HEARTY HOG MAW

Camilla Smythe
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Re: Pig Skin

Crackle roast pork without the pork!... and substitute haggis for the sausage meat. Or other stuff. The possibilities are endless. Don't forget the roast potatoes, do them in the bottom of the pan that is collecting the fat.... and gravy. I am sorely tempted to try and abort one myself. I'll just book a future appointment for some new stents.

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