* Posts by Camilla Smythe

543 posts • joined 3 Apr 2009

Page:

The big boys made us do it: US used German spooks to snoop on EU defence industry

Camilla Smythe

As a member..

Of the

UberScthumppGerlaketrinWascherMitBorherGedundlichtMachinerZuckenLiktFluftMachinen

Group.

... rough translation is 'One Peanut'.

I have nothing but praise for the Germanic Race for delivering all of their broken scheisse into the arms of the Americans such that they could break it some more and sell it back to the English as revenge for the Fly/Soup jokes.

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The huge flaw in Moore’s Law? It's NOT a law after all

Camilla Smythe

Legacy

We have reached the stage where 'Moore's Law', despite various efforts at Viagra, has flopped over but we have achieved FaceBook.

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Massive TalkTalk data breach STILL causing customer scam tsunami

Camilla Smythe

In February the company said it was liaising with UK data watchdog the Information Commissioner's Office and was writing to all of its customers to offer advice about the criminal activity negotiating places on the board.

GCHQ and Huawei were not available for comment.

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Easy ... easy ... Aw CRAP! SpaceX rocket ALMOST lands on ocean hoverbase

Camilla Smythe

Re: Meh

"However there's no point in trying to hang your rocket from a wire, if that means making the thing significantly heavier."

Wrong point taken. What's the relative weight/complexity penalty of a hook on a pole versus four feet and their support structure and their falling over scenario.

Maybe more importantly.

Presumably rockets are designed to work better 'proper way up' in compression as opposed to 'the other way up' expansion. I might suggest an almost empty one going down might not suffer as much as a full one going up so once again the situation is relaxed..

Presumably also the Kerosene, plus oxidiser assuming it is required in the atmosphere, ends up in the wrong place when your rocket is 'the wrong way up'. Perhaps in addition to other things more tubes would be required.

Given they are apparently delicate structures and designed to the limits of what they are required to do then I might be more concerned about 'banging one down' and its skin and internals gaining ripples even if the stresses are in the right compressive direction.

Going for a 'Twat Dangle' seems to be a much gentler solution.

I do not deny it is impressive stuff beyond my clue but I assume someone has thought inside the box run the sums and reached the wrong solution.

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Camilla Smythe

Re: Meh

"The divert video is even better for demonstrating it. They can take the falcon through some pretty extreme manoeuvres already and they've advanced their capabilities quite a bit from that test."

But the divert video is representative of the performance of The Banter Weight Grasshopper. It is apparent from the most recent video of The Super Heavy Weight Falcon that the resulting 'pretty extreme manoeuvres' that result when they attempt to 'scale' things produces unacceptable results.

"Landing on a barge is harder than landing on land anyway. For one thing, the ground doesn't generally wobble up and down (unless you're having a really bad day)."

Fine, my fault for being unable to express myself properly. I was not interested in the barge per se but rather the fact it represents their target area. The possibility that it might be moving up and down a bit does not detract from the fact the rocket itself was already a drunken sailor.

"Just read the instructions" might wish to adopt and assert a new tenancy agreement in respect of 'Moving In' instructions.

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Camilla Smythe

Re: Meh

"I'm not sure how your launch escape system example helps though. They don't land on the rocket power (that's used to get them to sufficient altitude to deploy parachutes)."

Granted but the point is that the thrust in this case and as proposed is located above the centre of mass such that the system is inherently stable prior to application of any control system.

In the case of a SpaceX, any, launch the thing starts off slow and any thrusters or main engine control required to keep it pointing in the right direction do not have to respond rapidly. It is also leaving a fixed point and once it has left it need not care very much.

Once its got up to speed the constraints are further relaxed because all the other bits have attained inertia in the right direction and the big one will be that when you have got a couple of hundred or more miles to go you are not really bothered about being a few miles out because you have time to correct things.

It's a different kettle of kippers trying to come back down to a fixed point and the premise would be that what worked with the systems going up along with the associated relaxed constraints as you go through the phases concerned are in effect reversed when you come down so you no longer have the same degree of control if you attempt to rely on those same systems.

Again from the video you can see the thing losing the plot. The control is bandwidth limited as a result of the masses being dealt with along with the nature of forces applied and then it is bandwidth limited because it is a balancing pencil exercise and then it is fuel/power/time limited.

Assuming they had achieved the required level of control to land it I was not joking about hooking it up to a suspended wire. Apart from removing the requirement for 'feet' it seems to offer more degrees of freedom, reduce the opportunity for a hard smack followed by a skid and resulting fall over and perhaps relax requirements on the rocket itself.

Standing it on its head with reverse thrusters or rotating nozzles would be a greater, totally back to the drawing board, engineering challenge but if it were considered from the outset then. Well who knows. I assume they will get there and I will get to suck lemons but for the moment it looks like they are constrained to making the wrong choices based on legacy.

Perhaps Mr Musk plays golf?

http://i.imgur.com/O1a07EW.png

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Camilla Smythe

Re: Meh

Here we go... Having looked at the video it looks like a big issue is having the thing standing on its end being supported by the main engines at the bottom.. No idea where the 'cold thrusters' are located but you might hope that they are located at the top of the assembly. Either way with the main support at the bottom you have a system that very likely suffers from a right half plane zero... The balancing a pencil on the end of your finger scenario. The overall control bandwidth is crippled as a result. You can see it in the descent. 'Whoops. Bugger. Whoops. Shit. Whoops. Oh Crap. Fuck. Bollocks'..... It is perhaps apparent that they are trading off speed of landing for left over fuel. They might have more success if they took things slower but that would mean more fuel. Either rotate the nozzles or use thrust deflectors and land it on its head. Then the thing would be in the ideal dangle position and the main engines could be used for positioning as well as support thrust..

http://i.imgur.com/7ZrjOOu.png

It's not rocket science, cough,

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Launch_escape_system

Notice how the centre of mass is maintained below the thrust.

Mr Musk can thank me later.

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Camilla Smythe

Re: Meh

Please do take your down votes and stuff them where the sun don't shine...

http://i.imgur.com/qKTo5ik.png

Notice how long thin things are remarkably good at dangling from a wire but pretty crap at trying to stand on spindly legs. If the thing is 'almost' capable of manoeuvring onto a platform before falling over it should be more than capable of manoeuvring its HOOK onto a wire and then dangle in mid air.

As I suggest it is not rocket science. Mr Musk can thank me later.

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Camilla Smythe

Meh

Close but no banana... and probably never.

Obviously I know fuck but why is it apparently being left exclusively to the rocket to pop its clogs on a bit of tarmac smeared on a barge in the middle of the sea and then fall over.

It got launched from a 'gantry' why not stick one on the tarmac along with 'I'm Fucking Here, Where the Fuck are You?' communications and associated responses, to recover it....

It's not 'rocket science'.

Yo! Elon. Twat.

I Thank You.

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66

We have a winner! Fresh Linux Mint 17.1 – hands down the best

Camilla Smythe

Just installed it.

Shit... Linux Shit. *Insert Distribution* Shit.

Shit Shit Shit Shit Shit.

Absolute fucking load of cock-end with rotten spunk.

Torvalds.. go fuck yourself... and before you bitch about some other wanker fucking things over sort out your own shit. Twat!

What the fuck is all this shit under the hood?

Lah Lah Lah. I am in my Golden Chariot of The Gods.

You ARE fucking responsible.

Fuck off and sort it out you fucking Twat!

As to the author of this article. Fuck off and try not to reproduce.

Linux is shit and every distribution of it is shit and the rest of it is a load of cobbled together broken piece of shit.

and shove your fucking Linux shit based mobile phones and the rest up your arses.

HTH

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Camilla Smythe

Just installed it.

Shit... Linux Shit. *Insert Distribution* Shit.

Shit Shit Shit Shit Shit.

Absolute fucking load of cock-end with rotten spunk.

Torvalds.. go fuck yourself... and before you bitch about some other wanker fucking things over sort out your own shit. Twat!

What the fuck is all this shit under the hood?

Lah Lah Lah. I am in my Golden Chariot of The Gods.

You ARE fucking responsible.

Fuck off and sort it out you fucking Twat!

As to the author of this article. Fuck off and try not to reproduce.

Linux is shit and every distribution of it is shit and the rest of it is a load of cobbled together broken piece of shit.

and shove your fucking mobile phones and the rest up your arses.

HTH

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Microsoft drops Do Not Track default from Internet Explorer

Camilla Smythe

We have noticed...

<script>

We have noticed...That your browser has the Do Not Track flag set. Either you took the decision not to take it up the arse or someone else took it for you.

--obfuscated code to snaffle various bits of data--

EAT MY FUCKING COOKIES YOU BITCH. BEND OVER AND TAKE MY CONFECTIONERY YOU MISERABLE FUCKING CUNT. HAVE SOME FUCKING ADVERTS AS WELL!!!! FUCK YOU ALL. BWAH-HA-HA-HA. PROFIT!! SQUEE, SQUEEE, SQUEEEE. OH MY GOD I'VE JUST COME ALL OVER YOUR COMPUTER. CLICK ON YES OR CLICK ON YES BUT IGNORE MY CHOICE.

</script>

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UK.gov in pre-election 'Google tax' blitz against internet firms

Camilla Smythe

It's good..

"Its good the UK is doing something about these companies. Its ridiculous that us slubs pay over 40% tax while a company like Google pays almost nothing."

http://regmedia.co.uk/2015/03/08/osbo_burger.jpg?x=648&y=429&crop=1

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2012/03/05/article-0-0BD02FEA000005DC-630_472x436.jpg

Nice shirts but..

Now ask them why Google is smeared across their WebSites.

OsboShirtLoon: "Fooking Cunts we are Going to VAT YOU"

CamShirtLoon: "I Agree. VAT them IMMENSELY"

Google "In respect of previous discussions may we be timorous and offer you a job?"

Both: "Ah well, that's a different matter."

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RIP Leonard Nimoy: He lived long and prospered

Camilla Smythe

Re: Sorry about this.

Thanks..

http://i.imgur.com/y63zfn5.png

http://i.imgur.com/FeKQtiO.png

I apologise for my previous post and will give no explanation.

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Camilla Smythe

Sorry about this.

Please can anyone tell me what Nimoy, or for that matter Shatner... and the others, contributed to anything beyond going 'blah' in a fillum and ultimately ending up on You Tube?

"Spock you are dead."

"Logically speaking we cannot therefore have this conversation. Fuck off and leave me in piece."

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SkyProwler VTOL transformo-drone set to darken skies

Camilla Smythe

Look straight down as well as straight up.

Conquered Japan then... until they legislate against it.

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How good a techie are you? Objective about yourself and your skills?

Camilla Smythe

Re: I have no idea what qualification Trevor is aiming for

Just did fried eggs on bread... worked out quite well.

I think Mrs Pott has married the right man.

Perhaps he might wish to make her http://www.theregister.co.uk/2015/02/22/post_pub_nosh_eggs_benedict/

I might wonder why she bothers given there are likely to be higher earners out there who have signed away.....?

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STOP! Pebble Time: New color watch clocks up $5m on Kickstarter

Camilla Smythe

Monster Product

Shame about the marketing..

http://i.imgur.com/CduFiPR.png

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FlashRay bang, wallop: NetApp bigwigs play musical chairs

Camilla Smythe

Doh Doh De Doh Doh Doh Doh

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTTb-AsyOpQ

If you can survive to the end You have been 'Rick Rolled'.

Don't know what happened there. I do not need brain bleach to clear the event.

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New Mexico mulls sale of first US commercial spaceport (and LOHAN launchpad)

Camilla Smythe

It's a runway.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spaceport_America

They will sell it off to store cargo containers and overspill of car stock.

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So long, Lenovo, and no thanks for all the super-creepy Superfish

Camilla Smythe

In The Beginning Was..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ALdL8oV_sY

Then someone discovered 'The Long Tail'....

http://i.imgur.com/xkXW2Va.png

and invented X-Factor....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ALdL8oV_sY

Fortunately you, as a commentard, can vote for a Politician in order to get crap such as this sorted out.

http://i.imgur.com/xkXW2Va.png

Oh Dear...

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Boffins grasp Big Knob, get ready to go ALL THE WAY at the LHC proton-punisher

Camilla Smythe

What's the Fucking Point?

Seriously.. do tell.

Enquiring minds wish to be down voted.

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Official: Single people need to LOWER their EXPECTATIONS

Camilla Smythe

Hi Jennifer.

Should you have given up on the search for 'Mr Perfect' and assuming you have not found a less perfect one with generally acceptable 'warts and all' may I offer myself?

I come with extra warts.

Not sure about the New El Reg Dating Service.

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LinkedIn INKED IN with Facebook Lean In push for more women in tech

Camilla Smythe

Re: Duh-Oh

"Can I say that?"

As long as you bring your own tub of the right sort of grease and a full set of spanners then I suppose so.

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This post has been deleted by a moderator

Tesla bumps up Model S P85D acceleration – with software update

Camilla Smythe

"A new software update" PFFT..

'As any fule kno' a properly implemented 'analogue' control loop would make the thing balls to the wall faster at becoming faster than some ScriptSkiddie fluffing about with his ShiftyWare.

Version 1)

"Yo Elon!"

"Yo ScriptSkiddie!"

"If we rewrite this bit and avoid loading that bit then the processor can back off faster when it receives the 'Oh Shit' signal from the analogue shit so we can drive things harder and accelerate faster"

"Brilliant! Do you want to transfer to the SpaceX division and have a look at the code used to control our Flappy Wings during descent?"

Version 2)

"Yo Elon!"

"Yo ScriptSkiddie!"

"If we rewrite this bit and avoid loading that bit then the processor can back off faster when it receives the 'Oh Shit' signal from the analogue shit so we can drive things harder and accelerate faster"

"Why don't we use a 6802 instead and let the analogue shit take care of the shit?"

"Errr I only know C."

"This was not the answer I was looking for."

Version 3)

"Yo Elon!"

"Yo ScriptSkiddie!"

"If we rewrite this bit and avoid loading that bit then the processor can back off faster when it receives the 'Oh Shit' signal from the analogue shit so we can drive things harder and accelerate faster"

"Why don't we use a 6802 instead and let the analogue shit take care of the shit?"

"Errrr.. It's not very headline glamorous. 'Bloke changes value of R1 and C4 to improve acceleration' vs 'Software update makes you shit your pants faster.'"

"Kool!!!11!!"

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Ugly, incomplete, buggy: Windows 10 faces a sprint to the finish

Camilla Smythe

Re: "Hey, Camilla. What can I do for You?"

"Now, what do you suggest for people who use Windows-only accountancy packages, CAD suites, and play the occasional game?"

Erm.. MySQL, FreePascal/Lazarus... obviously I am looking for a lebian experience with Ms Stobb.

It is, after all, apparently 'cross platform' and also comes with 'Free, As in Beer'... which might be part of the problem so I would not suggest you adapt someone else's or write your own and come up with concepts that fit what you want.

Of course you may also choose to continue to pay to 'live inside the box' and pay for the opportunity to 'live outside of the box'... whilst still being 'inside the box'.

Perhaps you might also provide the Pluniverse with 'Flappy Dave'.

Before you rape me I claim naif.

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Camilla Smythe

"Hey, Camilla. What can I do for You?"

"Hey, PowderPuffFace. Why not start with losing your hard coded pretend personality?"

"Good Morning! Let's get your day started.

1) Nice Weather.

2) Install Linux.

->

-

Click. Del.. Tap.. Tap.. Booting from sdbc3.

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Microsoft wants LAMP for wireless mobe charger

Camilla Smythe

Message Received

From: the.mysterons@anotherplanet.galaxy

To: earthling@yourplanet.tv

Subject: Bwah Hah Hah

See Subject

Kind Regards

Captain Black

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Post-pub nosh neckfiller: Hot Spanish tongue action

Camilla Smythe

From The Cow Protection League.

Bestiality division.

We do wish the necrophiliacs would lay off for a while.

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ALIEN fossils ON MARS: Curiosity snaps evidence of life

Camilla Smythe

FOOKING BIG ALIEN LEG AT THE BOTTOM LEFT

Just in case you did not notice.

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European data law: UK.gov TRASHES 'unambiguous consent' plans

Camilla Smythe

Oh Great

Does this mean BT, TalkTalk and Virgin will be lining up to circle jerk with Phorm again?

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No, I won't SNORKEL in your server room at STUPID-O'CLOCK

Camilla Smythe

Troll Phish Bait Article

Flooded basement iz Urban Legend in as much as if might have happened and it will be repeated but obviously no-one is paying much attention anyway. Eeeee when I wert lad 75% of NORAD went down because the bloke who wrote Access moved desk and they did not terminate his T-junction. Everyone else went ape because their Excel spreadsheets, where the real analysis was done, could not connect to his shit-base to get any data. Everyone is flapping about like expert flappy birds trying to diagnose the wrong problem and I get back from a bit of R&R to have them flap at me. I leave the meeting to go take a piss and on the way back take a detour via my cardboard box of 50ohm terminators and twist one in, wait a while and then check my e-mails. Gregory wants to know if his boss can have his submarines back 'no questions asked'. I return to the meeting and say things seem to be working now mentioning some sort of incompatibility due to an upgrade.. quick check and everyone is happy.

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Festive post-pub noshtastic neckfiller: HEARTY HOG MAW

Camilla Smythe

Re: Pig Skin

Crackle roast pork without the pork!... and substitute haggis for the sausage meat. Or other stuff. The possibilities are endless. Don't forget the roast potatoes, do them in the bottom of the pan that is collecting the fat.... and gravy. I am sorely tempted to try and abort one myself. I'll just book a future appointment for some new stents.

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Camilla Smythe

Pig Skin

Sounds like a excellent encasement substitute.

May one suggest that rather than removing too much of the fat you leave it in place and then rather than sowing things up as a package roll the contents up in the skin like a big sausage, sew up the ends and then place the construction on a baking grill in a pan to let excess fat drain off and allow for a bit of basting. Lightly score the skin, sprinkle with salt and ground black pepper, give it a squeeze of lemon/lime juice and then roast as if it is a joint.

Hopefully you will end up with a nice bit of crackling... Having said as much it does look like you may have partially achieved such an effect but it looks a bit compressed and soggy.

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Reg man confesses: I took my wife out to choose a laptop for Xmas. NOOOO

Camilla Smythe

Re: If she likes the colour ...

Eh ?

"Then she saw it - the sunset-orange colour Chromebook. This was “the one”. I was worried. I knew straight away this was trouble - Chromebooks have their place but they are not laptops."

"Look up the model number and see if it is easy to install your favourite Linux distribution."

So... assuming I need to use something like apt-get install and hope The Gimp dependencies follow through then the target machine is going to break out a spray can from the appropriate hardware port and pimp the case Orange.

Impressive.

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JPMorgan Chase mega-hack was a simple two-factor auth fail

Camilla Smythe

Re: Cyberwar terrorism

"Someone wake me up when this perverse alternative reality nightmare ends."

Uhm.. OK, Slap Slap.

"Wake up. WAKE UP!!*!!1"

"Oh, Thank God. I was only dreaming."

"Welcome back :-)"

-

-

-

"Oh Shit!!"

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Google's first stab at control-free ROBOT car rolls off the line

Camilla Smythe

Re: @ We have arrived Sir

"Tampax for your baby. Something a bit screwy with that search algorithm methinks."

There is an historical advertising precedence. Apparently they missed the contraception angle by nine months but offered vouchers for baby milk to the hosts parents.... Something like that anyway

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Camilla Smythe

"We have arrived Sir."

"What's this? I wanted to go to work.."

"Your recent browsing experience suggests you want to buy Tampax for your baby."

"This is StarBucks."

"It was on the way to the Tampax shop. Your Kettle informs me you did not imbibe this morning."

"Just take me to work."

-

-

"We have arrived Sir."

"This is 'Joe's Burger Bar'. I do not work for 'Joe's Burger Bar'."

"Your fridge informed me you had not partaken of breakfast. 'Joe's Burger Bar' does a nice all day breakfast according to their brochures."

"Just take me to work!"

-

-

"What The Fuck IS THAT!?

"Slade Sir. 'tis the season.. Apparently very popular at this time of year."

"Switch it off!!"

"Rick Astley then?"

"No! Let me Out. Let me Out.......

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TRAGEDY STRIKES Vulture News Central but details remain scrambled

Camilla Smythe
Mushroom

It would seem Regina has become rather like the site redesign.

Something which has been newly introduced only to become stale and tossed on the floor.... Note the watery white and the burst yolk. You would not wish to break that one into your frying pan along with a couple of rashers.. let alone try for a meringue or soufflé.

Perhaps, having got bored with her, the animator/voice over person might have resorted to a, arguments descend, 3 minute soft boil followed by a precise Dremel, I do not work for the company, trepanation of the brain cavity prior to excavation with toasted and buttered soldiers.

I will not mention the possible distribution of a smearing of Marmite on such scalpels for fear of.. OS Wrath.

Having removed, or eaten out, all of Regina's bodily fluids you can fill her back up again with some of Earth's own earth and a bit of Grass Seed, a Carrot Top or something else a bit more suited to your Vegan needs then leave Her in the Airing Cupboard for a while.

Naturally you will wish to wire up a Raspberry Pi to a couple of low light infra-red cameras and hook them up to the IOT and your NAS box so everyone can become a voyeur but I bet you will still open the door to check.

Then, when she has her new head of grass, you might proudly display her on your windowsill and let her green up....

BUT

You forgot about the other 5 you left in the fridge, along with the left over curry and MOULD and your tin of Coors Light. Oh No.... I am not fooled by your pristine presentation of how you would like us to think the internals of your fridge look like.

I know your Rumba is clagged up with pubic hair and is sentient enough to avoid cleaning under the bed.

The Men In Black are a film. Do not go into the kitchen and open doors because what will escape will not make them, or Ghostbusters, a reality. Burn IT Burn IT NOW!!

This educational message brought to you by 'Duck and Cover'.

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The Shock of the New: The Register redesign update 4

Camilla Smythe

How long....

Is it going to take you to put it back to how it was before whilst hoping people do not notice?

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Vulture 2 design hero describes epic 'hobby' project

Camilla Smythe

Arghhhh "The Engineer"

That structure is invested with 'double helices'.. !!£$%*&"!!!!11

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Sick of the 'criminal' lies about pie? Lobby the government HERE

Camilla Smythe

All Your Base Are Belong To Us.

I will just go stroke my white fluffy one.

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Penguin porn? NO! Linux folk in #LCA2015 standoff

Camilla Smythe

Re: Surely...

If the penguin is a gentleman, the lady will come first....

Fantasy is...

You cum together.

Reality is...

The Lady has multiple cums then claims thirst, rolls over and keeps you awake on the wet patch with her impression of a road drill until the wet patch dries out and then shunts you into the corner of the bed and robs the quilt.

YMMV

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Twitter co-founder: 'I don’t give a SHIT if Instagram has more people looking at pretty pics'

Camilla Smythe

No Doubt I Missed This...

http://i.imgur.com/2Zvqo7h.png

Muh-Huh.. Click

http://i.imgur.com/jhFmC8a.png

Uhm-Kay,....

Is this bad doo-doos?

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El Reg Redesign - leave your comment here.

Camilla Smythe
Coat

I'll check back later --> Mine protects me from Pron

ITMT the rest of you might wish to visit..

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/index.html

To view the future of El Reg.

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Camilla Smythe
Black Helicopters

Did Murdock... Icon --->

Spring the GeoCities wing from the Asylum during his latest escape?

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Google kills CAPTCHAs: Are we human or are we spammer?

Camilla Smythe

Hmmmm...

http://xkcd.com/1444/

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MEPs want 'unbiased search', whatever that is – they're not sure either

Camilla Smythe

Meh..

https://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en-GB&source=hp&q=Vibrator+Motor&btnG=Google+Search&gbv=1

NO!!!1!!! I want to repair my Dildo. ARGHH ARGHH ARGHH.

Oh, perhaps someone else got more targeted results. Blush.

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Star Wars: Episode VII trailer lands. You call that a lightsaber? THIS is a lightsaber

Camilla Smythe

Re: People are griping about the practicality of a "light sabre"?

Apparently, sometime in the past, the BA got equipped with shit rifles.

http://www.theguardian.com/uk/2002/oct/10/military.jamesmeek

Presumably they have similar issues in fantasy land and this time 'The Dark Side' engineered 'The Light Sabre of Imposed Choice'.

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