Re: Kickstarter campaign ahoy?
Have you launched your todger yet?
671 posts • joined 3 Apr 2009
Have you launched your todger yet?
"Since their vehicle looks like a "marital aid", perhaps Love Honey might buy advertising space to put their logo on the side"
That's a bit unfair.
Pre-Puberty and knowledge that follows on I made something similar out of a SQUEEZY bottle half filled with water, a bike tyre valve with associated pump and some Evostick. By the time it was 'pumped up' prior to launch it looked very similar to what Jeff has implemented here.
I also achieved 'Low Earth Mumble'.
Perhaps it is time for Lawyers to Go Paperless...?
Ow-Ow-Ow... fuck! Stop hitting me
"The Guardian quoted a spokesbeing who claimed that the breach was caused by a human error and added that the particular employee responsible was distraught."
No... actually 'the human error' was not committed by 'the human' that is understandably 'distraught'. It was in fact committed by 'the human' who did not suitably lock down the system in order to prevent such 'human errors'.
Of course I am guessing that the 'chosen scapegoat' is the person who, with minimal or improper training, hit send and not the 'other scapegoat' who is also 'distraught' because they did not set up the system to minimise the opportunity for such 'problems'.
Of course we will not mention 'Duh Manglement'.
1) Who cares?
2) The Consequences are Intended.
Bloody people with two holes. So Lah Di Dah Superior. So.. they can dry their clothes and still play golf. Big deal.
If your content isn’t instant, in that five/ten/fifteen seconds (or worse) the chances are a good portion of your audience has gotten sick of waiting and gone elsewhere.
Try telling that one to the Daily Mail. By the time one of their pages has loaded with Celebrity Tits and Arses I've forgotten why I clicked on the link in the first place... I should mention I was not distracted by the Celebrity Tits and Arses.
Reg! Regurgitates! Rubbish! Reproduction! Requests! Rumbumptious! Responses!
But keep it clean, particularly because the picture has a young woman in it.
Don't Shave? No Partner to lick you clean? Try bathing occasionally.
Well.. obviously we have to send one out.
It's just a bit unfortunate that my fried egg and bacon sandwich wins the Girl whilst She is saving the day and I end up as toast having lived a couple of hours longer than yourself.
How is the timing of your disastrous recovery programme?
If it's an FTL drive then you've (probably) just invented time travel, and you can just fly back home to warn people, no need to send a message.
Apparently, whilst I accept I am out of my depth here, we can do nothing 'faster than light' which is why I mentioned the light speed space ship.
Perhaps they can equip it with a Sigourney Weaver. That might work.
Ooops - Got my sums wrong..
"Since there is no universal "now" it possibly only makes sense to describe the age "as seen".
Ah... but what if we chose to visit this particular spot at a 'later date' with our new light speed drive but subsequently determine, 20 years later, that the observed activity, apparently 'Only 1,200 years ago', will result in a catastrophic SuperMegaNova 2,800 years from our now....
The 'Get out of Dodge' message arrives 20 years too late and scatters off the highly excited remaining atoms of our shiny light speed space ship and its carbonised inhabitants.
"This bipolar nebula, which lies some 4,000 light years from Earth--"
"The exposed remnant core of the moribund larger partner is what illuminates the "iridescent" gas lobes, which, based on measurements of their ongoing expansion, were created just 1,200 years ago."
Ooops - Bugger. An Anonymous Coward got there first. Pfffft. No courage in their convictions or should they really be getting some work done rather than commenting on El Reg. Is that sound behind you the boss about to whup you upside the head?
... No doubt Lester does this sort of thing to amuse himself.
The 'perspective' thing is like trying to decide which side out a frame lined cube is. Either the top one is a depression, impact crater, or the bottom one is depending on how you switch your eyes/brain...
My conclusion is that the one at the top is a fuck off and die great big fucking big Limpet that has just upped shop from the bottom one and is moving to a different location in order to harvest metallics from the recently arrived food source using its frondly like appendages.
I took a trip down the Local Salty Water Rocks to discuss such a possibility with our local inhabitants and they lost interest in the normal discussion about us Humans shitting in, pissing in and basically polluting their water.
Advice from the local Limpets to NASA is that they should turn the dishes on Dawn and transmit the data somewhere else other than Earth for a couple of weeks and then destroy Dawn. Apparently having a fuck off and die great big fucking big Limpet on Earth would be a bad idea.
I was not so sure about this but Bob/Barbara, The Limpet, went on to say that even without all the Estrogens we had pumped into the environment he/she was basically an Hermaphrodite, when nothing else was available which there was not because we had fucked up the environment, and the rest of the Local community was his/her fault.
"You do not want this Mega-Limpet to know about you. We are quite a hardy species and it will take off. Arrive on Earth and start bonking itself. Thereafter it is Game Over for me and my other selves. You will not do much better."
They all waved their fronds in agreement.
Fucking Kludge More Like. Now kindly hadaway and shite with your extra layers of shite..
Erm Black Jacks and Fruit Salads... Opal Fruits.. Lion Brand Midget Gems/Sports mixture and fuck Maynards. Did anyone notice that Liquorice Allsorts have gone down the pan?
Whatever. My Panasonic Wireless One says it is 'fully charged' so I guess I am not missing out on much unless you know otherwise...?
No.. they just rifle through your picture folders to hoover up the ones you took yourself.
These proto-brains are no more human than my 5 month old finger was a human when in the womb.
So.. who is going to teach your proto-brane how to pick its arse and sniff if and what happens when your proto-brane discovers it does not have an arse or finger?
Not wishing to be Chicken Little here and along those lines what happens when Kentucky Fried chicken get in on the act...
It includes multiple cell types and genes, signaling circuitry, and even a retina.
... assuming they let it grow a nose.
Maybe Google can get in on the act and come up with some kool targeted advertising.
That retina thing causes me problems. Although I do not remember my hernia at birth or my Mothers worried face as I moaned about it I probably learned her face and her smiles using my retina.
So I floated about for nine months in the land of Mumsnet sucking my thumb and then got puked out into the World.
Now you abort me at five weeks and start poking me in the head with chymicals and electrils as part of my education.
Fuck you very much. I'll just cook my last plate of meatballs, pasta, sauce and cheese before apologising to the cat, turning vegetarian and joining the rats protection league.
Again... I would rather die as a happy vegetable than accept any cure that results from this type of research.
Perhaps I should write a 'living will' that specifically states that should I go slightly forgetful in my old age, or earlier, I will not accept any treatment that results from such experimentation and indeed prior to the event I would warn against it.
I would rather 'you' suffer the last 'Terry Pratchett' years of my life watching me feed the dog cup cakes than let idiots recreate my brain and fiddle with it.
I do apologise if this is the fifth time I have come out on this chilly night and offered you a blanket. I do not remember the first time... So I am not making this apology. I am just offering you a blanket.
Tomorrow I will not remember any of this. I have already forgotten it. However thank you for your gracious declination of the offer when I asked again and thank you for making sure I ended up the right way around in bed when I finally tired of offering you blankets.
I have no recollection as to how you wore me down.
"Tea. Two Bags. Two Sugars. Milk."
"Bacon & Eggs Coming up!"
This one was actually rightfully rejected - and for amusing reasons.
The patent that Apple is asserting in this case was filed using a dubious method - they take an earlier failed patent application and submit a completely different concept as a refiling, so that if it's granted, the patent will receive the filing date of the earlier first filing.
This is where things get interesting. The original filing was made in January 2007 - making it before the iPhone's release. When the USPTO reviewed this patent in the course of the case, they noted that the design patent granted differed substantially from the initial application. Because of this, they changed the filing date to when the refiling was submitted, which was August 2008.
So the two pieces of prior art that invalidate the iPhone's design patent are the iPhone and iPhone 3G! Whoops.
Not sure what you are quoting against here but if the USPTO denied the claimed priority date and then accepted that the new filing was permissible but restricted to priority based on its filing date the design patent would still be valid... assuming no prior art. I think basically you are suggesting Apple tried to wing an earlier priority date based on different prior art but then I get the impression that the new stuff was sufficiently new to warrant a grant.
I make no mention as to the flexibility of the rubber stamp used by the USPTO.
Not wishing to give Tim and Apple a glimmer of hope but if they want my BACS details just reply to this message.
In terms of amusement the 'classic' one is, in the case of 'proper patents', where the applicant makes a filing and, fingers crossed, having lost priority on the prior art that they filed themselves make no mention of it in their most recent application and then get their most recent application rejected on the basis of their own prior art.
If I were to be a 'patent examiner' one of the first things I would be inclined to do during search is to look for prior art from the applicants themselves. Given I am not a 'patent examiner' I do not know what policy is on such matters but I would be in two minds as to whether to string them along for more fees before dumping on them or dumping on them immediately in order to prevent them raking in cash from unsuspecting investors as a result of their 'patent pending' technology.
Having had a little think I would be inclined to impose fines against people who would think about taking the piss in such a manner.
I have not used my Amazon account for at least three years, if not longer. During that time they have not 'spammed' me. Having contacted Jeff to voice my concerns about the treatment of his staff and received some sort of PR fluff in response to that original query today I receive some Amazon Spam...
They want me to answer a question from someone else about a product I bought Donkey's Years ago. WTF!!1!?
From: Amazon Answers <email@example.com>
Reply-to: Amazon Answers <firstname.lastname@example.org>
To: Camilla <email@example.com>
Subject: Camilla: Can you answer this question about Cyclo Tool Cone Spanner Set...?
Date: Wed, 19 Aug 2015 09:59:46 +0000 (19/08/15 10:59:46)
Maciej asked "Is this 15/16 or 15/17 ?"
Why don't you ask the person who is selling the item rather than using me as a 'Digital Turk'?
I have responded to the question, Amazon says that my response has been published, as follows,
"I would not buy anything from Amazon given recent concerns over the treatment of their employees. You can probably get the same for a similar price from a Local Bike Shop."
I have now closed my account.
Subject: Your correspondence to Jeff Bezos
Dear Camilla Farquhar Farthington Smythe,
Thank you for contacting Amazon.co.uk regarding certain coverage concerning working conditions in Amazon fulfilment centres.
We understand your concerns and appreciate the time you’ve taken to write to us regarding this issue.
Amazon.co.uk takes the well-being of our workforce very seriously. It’s no secret that the final quarter of the year is the busiest period for Amazon and that everyone in the company is working extremely hard to delight our customers. Our fulfilment centres are integral to our customer commitment; these are industrialised environments; where we have processes and systems in place to ensure excellence and safety; where we have our valued workforce working with dedication and diligence to ensure we deliver to customers; where we have a democratically elected employee forum to represent the interests of the workforce and where we ensure that the workforce is treated with dignity and respect at all times. We are proud of the efforts of all who work for us. In return for the commitment and enthusiasm shown by those in our fulfilment centres, we are delighted to reward hard work and dedication by competitive wages and performance-related pay. We believe that the Amazon environment is a positive place to work.
Thank you for time and for your interest in Amazon.co.uk
Executive Customer Relations
In my response to Amazon.co.uk <firstname.lastname@example.org> I did suggest that the reply from Mr Bennis was PR frippery and that if he were to make such a statement directly to his employees there might be a major Health and Safety at Work Incident given the apparent lack of floor space available to Roll Around and Laugh On.
Having sent the reply to someone who was supposedly responding on behalf of Cuddly KYHead Jeff as a Member of Executive Customer Relations I was
unsurprised to receive the following auto-response..
We’ve received your message and the first available associate will respond to your query.
In the meantime you can check the status of an order, track, change, or cancel an order, or update your account details through Your Account:
We hope this helps.
Customer Service Department
Please note: This e-mail was sent from a notification-only address that can't accept incoming e-mail. Please don't reply to this message.
Assuming that one landed in the inbox of an 'employee', rather than that of Mr Bennis or indeed Mr Bezos.. and I did follow up to Cuddly KYHead Jeff, it might put a wry smile on their faces. Then again my concern would be it might tip them over the edge.
Dear Mrs Trellis,
I apologise for the oafish and sexist response given by my trainee, Mr FencePost, in respect of your most recent enquiry.
If you were to discover our companies range of protective products via a Google search, Page 141.. below the sponsored links and recommended Windows installs, you would also find that all colours are available in plant friendly formulations for application to and protection of the intricacy of your delicate construction.
Dear Mrs Trellis,
I should firstly apologise for my previous mistake in a former post whereby I have been correctly down-voted for my concerns about who ends up with whose data.
Obviously you are free to choose whose wood preservative you choose to smear on your body in order to protect yourself against unwanted advances but may I recommend,
'No Your Bum Does Not Look Big In This'.
Obviously I am not able to mention the manufacturer for fear of creating a competition issue with the EU but you can look it up on Google.
If you look beyond the sponsored links you will find we have a wide range of colours beyond the usual green and brown stuff that will blend with your surface and grain whilst protecting your modesty and minimising the apparent size of your bum.
In tests with the MOD we found that on painting their Tanks with our product the apparent size reduction was so great that 95% of male birds attempted to shag the vehicle rather than shit on it.
Customer Support Department
... because the apps end up having a great big steaming argument with the OS as to which MotherShip the data has to be reported back to.
Buggering Lambs was illegal. We just whipped out our equipment in a dimly lit barn and found it worked.
"To counter this, the ad biz’s self regulator, the IAB (or Interactive Advertising Bureau, which develops industry standards, conducts research, and provides legal support for the online advertising), worked with PIPCU, the publicly funded private policing agency based in the City of London."
So IAB Tosspots. Given you make Billions a year, and boast about it, why don't you and your members go spend some of it 'self regulating'/'self policing' yourselves rather than blowing it off lobbying for your free ride in order to fuck all over everyone else's bandwidth allowance and then using tax payers money to divert Plod from their supposed proper job?
Shit on a stick. Plod is meant to be sorting out the paedophiles and the terrorists. What the fuck are they doing dealing with shite like you?
At a personal level I blame God. After all he could have made things much easier but OH NO..
Forget to wipe the KY off his head after removing the condom?
I think you may find that Lucy is not a contraction of Lucien but the big give away is that the Ferrets are running about on the floor trying to avoid the flashing suppository rather than being in their native habitat looking to latch onto other balls.
Large variance in heights though and you might hit 30MPH on a hill, I would be on the brakes at that point unless I could see the road a long way ahead, but 56MPH is in bricking it territory. If you were not really bothered about height then you can get a wired SunDing for £2.99 which will give you Distance Travelled, Average Speed, Top Speed and Journey Time. It also tells you the real time. I suppose the biggest problem with it would be the lack of pose factor and the bloody battery is a replaceable AG13 that lasts more than two years.
What.. You mean the PFY scores with some hot bird with all the attributes of his desires and, to avoid being sexist, more whilst Simon finds himself in some German Bar involving Rubber, Blokes and no Top Shelf?
Presumably they found 'The Real John Smith' and terminated his use of oxygen.
Backed up my home folder to another drive. Stuck in the bootable usb flash thing. Answered a few questions then toddled off to make bacon and eggs on toast, with Marmite, and a cup of tea. Took a quick dump on the way back then copied my home folder back and rebooted.
OK I had to do a bit of minor subsequent tweaking, visit the software manager to drag in some other stuff and click on the update thingy but it was all relatively thumb twiddling painless.
Why is everyone else stuck on/blithering about Version 10?
Apparently your average 'American' knows fuck all about Snowden but have a bit of a problem with someone else looking at their Willie Pictures.
"in an attempt to hasten the removal of such content across the globe."
Nope just stops it being indexed and forces it further underground.
Back in the day there was alt.svens.house.of.12.year.old.lust via Deja News. Somewhere along the line Google took usenet over in order for people to go Nikie Drop Shop on 'The Eight'
Been there, do not fully remember it, and it does alter your life even if you do not remember it.
Cant find an icon suitable, beginning to get depressed now, I should fuck off shut up and think of something else.
Granted.. That one popped up in my head as I was typing. Again it needs Human Intervention in order to make sure and investigate further.. Apparently you cannot FOI them which seems a bit strange given they are supposedly delivering a 'public service' which will have a serious impact on others should they fuck things up.
Not mine, someone else's and it makes sense to me.
"As of the end of 2014, the Home Office's CAID national database held 4.4 million images and over 30 million hashes."
Given the number of hashes exceeds the number of images then it would seem they are in some way dealing with possible duplicates.. The article info-graphic also mentions PhotoDNA hashes "to identify images even if the image has been altered".
"Dragon-Slayer"... OK it might be flawed or subject to avoidance by other means but then 'crime investigation' often relies on someone making a dumb mistake resulting in leads elsewhere.
I take your point in respect of 'bully boy' tactics but would hope that given the serious nature of what is been sought and discovered then the bar will be set higher and the follow up action be more robust.
Presumably the hashing is used to identify things like fluffycat10a.jpg as being possibly offending material without relying on the file name. I would again hope that it is first verified as being offending and then someone doing a bit of thinking and looking for fluffycat10b.jpg and similar others in the same location.
Perhaps El Reg can contact them for comment...
Journalists with any media enquiries please call +44 (0) 7929 553679.
"IWF chief Susie Hargreaves said that the hash list "could be a game-changer" in helping to hunt down child sex abuse image peddlers online."
You might hope or expect that should a match be found it will be flagged for verification by a human operator and that would include a broader investigation for other material that might be collocated with or close to the possibly offending image along with the gathering of other possible evidence.
No doubt this, amongst other data points, will enable FB to stratify their users in respect of likelihood of clicking on an Ad for a particular product and therefore charge a premium to their prospective clients as a result of the more precise targeting. No doubt I would be offered South Korean Ramen rather than Japanese Ramen or Plain Noodles. I have been informed by a South Korean that their Ramen is the best you can get. Otherwise fortunately I do not have a FB account and their 'Like' buttons and JavaShit across the rest of the web get blocked to buggery.
True.. it was a left handed snipe given the quote comes from the Aussie Ad, presumably a copy and paste, so was not the fault of El Reg.
I will not make any claims for myself in respect of grammur but a job advert of that nature with its attendant grimatickle musteaks would not make me feel like making an application.
What is it with this red squiggly shit appearing under the words?
May one enquire if El Reg has snaffled a 'proof-reader' yet?
Just install Ed 209..
Shout 'three letters' .
"You have 30 seconds to comply"
There is some other amateur stuff about.. Bussard reactor and that other bloke. Knowing nothing I have no idea how people might 'collimate' the 'beams' beyond suggesting that they do not. Having blurted as much there may be some thing whereby you can line up the incoming such that the outgoing goes in more or less the right direction.
That sort of shit is beyond me but interests me because if you were to go for fusion and pick a reaction that gives you 'charged' particles and the result could be directed then you could modulate the rate of production and blast said modulated charged particles down the centre of a coil of wire and generate AC electricity. IIRC it's called a transformer.
I would wave a smelly purple bell end about the place and suggest that one has to be more efficient than trying to boil kettles.
My Physics teacher at Skool was a cool 'old' dude with a passion for his art, both Physics and Teaching. Popped his clogs but not forgotten. I wish my mind would have been in tune... It could have been but the rest of the teachers were a bunch of fail and, of course, my head is not right.
It is not as if battery charging technology is poorly understood but, wet finger, presumably EE had some proper charging technology to prolong the life of their stock but then promptly buggered up on the battery discharging technology. Duh-Oh.