I'll be thick

https://twitter.com/regvulture

When you tweet to regvulture you tweet to @regvulture

So now you become

https://twitter.com/@regvulture

at which point your staff become

tom@regvulture

dick@regvulture

harry@regvulture

Now you have differentiated the names you cam SMS them their different 6 digit second stage authentication numbers.

I Did NOT sign up to FaceBook!!!1!!!

Why is their shit being imposed on me???1???

If You Build it They Will Cum

"What the fuck is this!?"

"Baseball Field of Dreams."

"Doesn't look like a Baseball Pitch to Me!"

"Uhm, it's a slightly modified version."

"Looks 'Football' to me?"

"Rugby Union actually."

" WTF!!?"

I Thought it was His Penis

..Until he bounced it.

Duh-Oh

Speaking as someone typing on a clacky £4.50 keyboard hooked up to a one core MHz, rescued off someone else's doorstep with no experience of such devices it would seem the 'survey' has nailed the 'demographics'.

A) You use your 'fondleslab' to play 'angry burds' during someone else's 'power presentation'.

B) They use their 'fondleslab' to play 'angry burds' during your 'power presentation'.

C) After a hard days work. You give the kids the 'fondleslab' so you can ignore them as well.

Snigger..

“An error-correction algrithm was added to help address linguistic and motor errors."

algorythumble...

Meh..

By means of support he added how Kobo shares what it harvests about its customers with “a stream of data and analytics going back to the publisher so they can understand who the consumer is what they do and why they do it.” And you just thought you were buying a book.

Ring Ring..

Ring Ring

Ring Ring

Click

"Ello Ello Ello. Plod Here."

"Oh, Hi. I'd like to report a 'spearfishing' attack. Someone has repeatedly attempted to install Trojans on my computer via e-mail."

"Rugby League or American Football Sir?"

"Uhm, no. Computer Trojans."

"Ooooh. Yes Sir. We at Plod Central know all about those. I picked the American Football Screen Saver."

"No. Look I ran them under a Virtual Machine and used WireShark to log the Traffic. I've got the connection logs."

"Fantasy Football Sir. Are The Wiresharks a new Team on the Block?"

"No.. you don't understand. I've got the traffic logs."

"Ahh. Got you. I'll just transfer you to the relevent department. Wait one."

"Ok. Thanks."

Ring Ring

Ring Ring

Click

"Hi. Thank you for calling the Department of Traffic Wardens. Our hours of Business are When You Least Expect Us. Unfortunately we are busy slapping our quota of tickets about the place. Please call again some other time."

It's a bust..

"We got really excited about seeing a *CO2 spike*," he said, "but we're still deconvoluting the spectrograph information. There's what look like nitrogen compounds in there and a fair bit of hydrogen chloride, showing chlorine not only as chloromethane but also as *hydrochloric acid*."

Ex Martian and his Mates went out for lager on the town followed by a nice vindaloo and chundered.

"We're talking to internap at the moment.."

Perhaps InterNap is taking 40 winks.

Uhm 30%?

Are Apple, my little, ponying up for just their 'take' or are they covering the other 70% as well?

Can o' Beans

Ramped Phorm down from £35 to 20p and then renamed themselves Genuine Can o' Beans. Presumably they are not acting as a Market Maker for RIM so feel the need to diss' them in order to punt dross that is on their books.

The Daily Patent File

According to the current invention all known things, inclusive or exclusive, are used in various combinations and permutations in order to do something or nothing.

Inventor: Apple 22/02/12

According to the current invention all known things, inclusive or exclusive, are used in various combinations and permutations in order to do something or nothing.

Inventor: Apple 23/02/12

-

-

ETC

Twitter Said..

"With the Ads API, marketers now have more tools in their arsenal to help them deliver the right message, to the right audience, on the desktop and on mobile devices — all at scale."

Are they referring to weaponry, which does not seem very 'cuddly', or are they suggesting proceeds will be going towards buying more shite players for The Gunners?

I thought..

Part of Scientology claimed that only 1,000 would be saved when the 'great spaceship' took off and delivered those without 'blems' to the 'new clean world'. It would not surprise me to discover that Rev Ron, and others, already have their seats booked so there are very few, if any, left.

So.. if you want to be 'saved' you have to 'move up the ladder' and what better way to do so than cutting the throat of the bastard ahead of you trying to extract his 'space fare' from your pocket and nicking his 'books' and 'thetan detector' before moving on to the next one up the list of the contacts in his diary.

Someone can make a Movie..

'The Last Thetan'

Speed Limits...

Musk: Broder says he set the cruise control to 54mph, when in fact he drove at between 65mph and 81mph for the whole trip.

Broder: That's not how I remember it. Maybe the calculations are wrong, because Tesla actually sent me a car with the wrong size wheels.

http://www.teslamotors.com/blog/most-peculiar-test-drive

Delaware, Milford and Norwich....

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speed_limits_in_the_United_States

Looks like the test took part in New Jersey where the speed limit is 65mph. Broder regularly drove at 70mph and exceeded that.... could be pushing a point but perhaps US plod might wish to have a word.

Red Dwarf..

'HeadOne' and 'HeadTwo'. Kryten had three but one was a mardy Yorkshireman so it can be upset at not being nominated.

-

-

Hades reference... Cerberus had two heads.

Google Analytics

OK... all you 'cookie lovers'.

Explain to me in words that do not involve sophistry such as 'It's Free' why the ICO and practically every .gov.uk website smears Google Analytics all over their websites... both on HTTP pages and HTTPS pages.

Once again, things may have changed but,

Please include an explanation of what data is hoovered up into 'The Chocolate Factory' and what it is ultimately used for.

http://www.nhs.uk/Pages/HomePage.aspx

google analytics

crazy egg

webtrends

http://img94.imageshack.us/img94/7646/screenshot206o.png

Please include an explanation of what data is hoovered up into 'The Chocolate Factory', 'Crazy Egg', 'Webtrends' and what it is ultimately used for?

Also explain why they need three 'analytics tools' on the site and why there is no apparent warning about which cookies are being set. I might have missed some of the orgasmicness because I choose to block such crap.

Your mission, should you accept it, is to apply for a job with the NHS.

http://www.jobs.nhs.uk/

Report back with your experience of tracking cookies and in particular Java Script.. in particular from Google Analytics, or indeed anything else you find, both on HTTP pages and HTTPS pages, the ones where you give information about your Police Record and previous offences..

Please take a copy of the scripts involved and provide a complete and thorough analysis of their function.

Perhaps 'slightly' OT but Chrome Browser

I assume it uses Chrome?

Therefore all you need to 'crack it' is to write a bit of stuff that turns off the 'install by default' when it tries to come in as a payload on the back of some other cruftware without the user having to uncheck the checkbox.

Otherwise..

I don't know, some sort of script or bat file that tells the hosts file not to download the wart if it tries and redirects the download to a local .txt file containing 'You have not downloaded Chrome'. Rather than ending up with 108MB of spunk smeared on your hard drive and a Chrome Icon on the desktop that some idiot is going to go and click then go 'Muh-Huh' when it asks if you want it to be the default browser and loads up multiple copies of the Yahoo!/Ask/ETC/ETC toolbars.

Yes.. Yes.. I know 'you' do not suffer from such problems but your Mum/Granddad/GeneralPubic does.

http://en.tengrinews.kz/finance/Google-2012-revenue-hits-50-billion-profits-up--16236/

$Pi Million when they made $50 billion last year. What's the problem? Can't they attract the staff these days?

Does the..

Fridge, other appliance, clean itself?

Don't Understand.

"Bootnotes

*The Glock has triple safety mechanisms which mean that its firing pin will not move forward unless the trigger is back, the trigger cannot be moved back unless a finger is pressing on its front and the weapon will not fire if dropped. The weapon's hammer is internal, and as such cannot snag on clothing or be bumped inadvertently into a different position.

By contrast the Browning had only a manual safety catch for its hammer only, and the external hammer could fairly easily be inadvertently brushed or knocked back to full cock. This meant that it was in general forbidden to carry it with a round in the chamber, as the risk of an accidental discharge would be unacceptably high (although certain very highly trained special operations units did carry the Browning with a round up the spout as routine, until that community moved to Sig Sauer pistols in the early 1990s). Unfortunately this meant that in general it would take quite a long time to get off a shot, as the user would have to work the slide to chamber a round after drawing the weapon.

The Browning did have a design feature in which its hammer could be put at half-cock (aka "half bent"). Provided the mechanism was working correctly, even if the trigger was pulled from this position the weapon would not fire: and if the hammer was joggled it could not travel forward beyond half-cock, preventing a chambered round being fired. If a round was chambered, the user would need only to thumb the hammer all the way back to full cock in order to shoot.

However there were several ways this could go wrong, and the standard British manual for Browning use specifically forbade the use of the "half bent" position as a safety device."

It seems to me that a side arm/pistol is a weapon of last resort.

When you draw it there should be no 'safeties'.

Uhm....

"Manning was 'illegally punished', will get 112 days lopped off any sentence."

Why are the people who 'illegally punished' him not being prosecuted and facing jail time?

Dad was Right After All

"This modern music. Can't understand what they are mumbling about and stop changing the channel on TV when I am watching cricket whilst pretending to be asleep."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fu4lAGp2PHc

Comparatively Speaking

From experience as a home 'luser' Ubuntu does it 'out of the box', when you have sorted the screen resolution problem. Other things may vary and will be available from elsewhere.

I get... and... and...

Plus, and I will not guarantee this, whatever I wish to do on this Linux/Ubuntu [other distro] install as a 'home luser' is miles above what other bloke experiences via XP beyond moaning that it is 'slow'.

Now shaft me for the first paragraph but when I ask the Evil One called Google about how to do stuff with my Ubuntu Flavoured 'Linux' computer, I get.. as top results assuming I parse it correctly, useful advice. Don't forget.. I am a 'home luser'.

I will state, as fact, that anyone, home luser, using Windows making a similar search will end up installing shedloads of cruftware on their computer before they reach Microsofts answer... which will not make sense to them anyway and will break itself whilst trying to reinstall IE8.

Sometime in between, along with the multiple toolbars, they will have installed TeamViewer, and gifted $50 to someone else, twice using a valid credit card number, to sort stuff out for them. These people will fuck things over for return business and have the 419 department call you up later.

Otherwise.. I know nothing beyond Linux Makes Sense for Home Users.

Brazil := Phorm :-(

Good luck with the <3mS latency once you end up having your traffic intercepted and redirected via Phorm's crufty old bit of kit sitting in the UK.

Why Not...

Set a 'maximum profit' for copyrighted material?

· · · — — — · · ·

Ebb to Flow

"Beeep Beeep Boooop Beeep!?"

Flow to Ebb

"Plip diddly Plip"

Ebb & Flow to Curiosity

"Plip Beep Biddly Pim Boop Pom?"

ROTM