* Posts by Camilla Smythe

998 posts • joined 3 Apr 2009

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Continuous Lifecycle 2017: Ten days to tell us how DevOps really works

Camilla Smythe
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We don't just want to hear from thought leaders and visionaries.

Given you have to beg I guess that just about sums the subject[s] up. Are we at web4Orrhea yet or did the 'thought leaders and visionaries' move on to version 12 whilst I was taking a kip?

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We're going to have to start making changes or the adults will do it for us

Camilla Smythe
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Perhap I missed the rant but...

[Snip]

Anyway... Fuck this. I'm off to bed and will be wearing a Slazenger Swimsuit four sizes too small for me.

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UK spying law delayed while Lords demand Leveson amendments

Camilla Smythe
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Re: Meanwhile in Turkey....

@chris...

Just in case I missed off the <sarc> tags but I kind of get the impression you understood where I was coming from and your response got a bit broken. I think @Gray gets it.

My opinion is that May is a borderline psychotic who, having spent much of her time failing at the Home Office, is now out to prove she can succeed at her previous remit. That, in part, would be the introduction of The Investigatory Powers Bill and a reduction/elimination/reversal of Immigration. She is in a better position to do this than she has ever been and has a bunch of baying sycophantic loonies to back her up.

I have played an ineffectual part in campaigning against the #IPBill prior to Brexit. Lah Lah Lah... We're not listening. In respect of Brexit I have taken a narrow view of matters but become more aware of just how much of an extensive and damaging clusterfuck it is likely to become over a wide range of issues.

Prior to Brexit, IIRC, Cameron supported the ECHR and, apparently, May did as well. Presumably hanging on his coat-tails. There were however mumblings about a British Bill of Rights. My narrow view was that if we left the EU we would lose a wide range of protections that result from EU legislation being written into UK law and, in particular, protections that apply to communications. ICRs are a particular case in point.

As the #IPBill is, loosely, written you might get the impression that there has been an effort to avoid too many noises under PECR, implemented according to 2002/85/EC. ICRs supposedly only include information that ISPs already collect as a result of providing their services..

http://eur-lex.europa.eu/legal-content/EN/TXT/PDF/?uri=CELEX:32002L0058&from=EN

Article 5) begins Page 7)

After Brexit, with Cameron gone, May changes her mind and goes back on the British Bill of Rights tack. We now have some sort of Great Blah-Blah Bollocks. Whatever it may be I envisage an effort to get rid and re-implement law/legislation within the UK and take the opportunity to scrub out any, as many, and all protections that existed before.

Elsewhere I live in fear not of what this Country has become but what Brexit has exposed this Country to already be and the opportunity taken by others to crawl out of the wood now that the environment is right for them. I do not think rational minds will prevail. I do not think rational minds will be listened to.

https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Bertolt_Brecht

Do not rejoice in his defeat, you men. For though the world has stood up and stopped the bastard, the bitch that bore him is in heat again.

... No, actually she is not 'in heat again'. She is here in person.

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Camilla Smythe
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Meanwhile in Turkey....

Having stuffed the Judiciary Erdogan is now moving in on the 'Free Press'....

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/nov/07/president-erdogan-turkey-leader-crackdown-media-internet-kurdish?

Nothing like that happening in the UK. Oh No. Nothing to see here, move along now Citizen. Don't forget to pick up your Black/Brown shirt on your way to protest, peacefully, outside a 'beaks' private residence and sign the petition to change November 5th to National Book Burning Night. Oh, here is your new Library/National Identity Card.

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Today the web was broken by countless hacked devices – your 60-second summary

Camilla Smythe
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London Not Calling.

I see the area around London is turning speckled red on the Level Three Outage Map.

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Just what Europe needs – another bungled exit: Mars lander goes AWOL

Camilla Smythe
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Re: They don't want us

The aforementioned developments would be a lot funnier if I didn't have my livelihood tied up on this island.

I do hope you still have an exit strategy.

Best Wishes

CFFS

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Camilla Smythe
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Re: They don't want us

Seems to be obvious. Or was it the Brits calculating in imperial measures again?

Cough...

http://edition.cnn.com/TECH/space/9909/30/mars.metric.02/

In news elsewhere 'The Brits', or rather their supposed leaders, are intent on totally fucking over the country and doing a blistering job of it so whilst NASA can roger a space craft they have nothing on us.... unless.

Oh, one notes that your user name, Herbert Fruchtl, appears to be a bit foreign. May one enquire what you are doing posting subversive messages to a UK website? Surely you have your own bit of the intertubes to play with and, as you should know, the #IPBill is going to let GCHQ sort you Foreign Johnnies out. God Save Mother Theresa. Rah! Rah! Rah! Tea and Biccies anyone. Jolly Hockey Sticks.

Gosh Toodle Pip.

Camilla Farquhar Farthington Smythe

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Apple’s macOS Sierra update really puts the fan into 'fanboi'

Camilla Smythe
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Re: You're Wrong Sir.

for those who think it's funny to ask an inanimate object whether they love them or not.

Seems to work fine with my wife.

I suppose we all need somewhere to park the bike. When did you pass her away?

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Hey! spies! Get! in! here! and! explain! this! Yahoo! email-scanning! 'kernel! module!'

Camilla Smythe
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Huh?

This has allowed us to bring a better search experience to Yahoo Mail.

May one enquire as to whom it is 'better for'... Spooks, Advertisers or Users?

May one enquire as to whom it is 'better for'... Spooks or Advertisers?

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Reseller offered $$$ for old tech gear – then stiffed thousands with suddenly lower quotes

Camilla Smythe
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If an offer looks too good to be true

Meh... I buy all my 2TB USB drives from e-bay for £0.50. I must have about 400TB of photos by now.

Bargain!!

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Early indications show UK favouring 'hard Brexit', says expert

Camilla Smythe
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Oh Goody...

So.. basically 'up to 8Mb' broadband.

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Stingy sapphire lens in Apple's iPhone 7 is as scratchy as glass

Camilla Smythe
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You're abrading it wrong.

TTFAB

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R2D2 delivery robots to scurry through the streets of San Francisco

Camilla Smythe
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Re: fixed hazards will be the real challenge

Ah... Yes. However Bullitt failed to trash his 'pinto'[?] on said streets so the robots will be OK. Presumably the fixie delivery bike riders in said city have a different set of gears on their flop-flips to go with their massive thighs and perceive no threat.

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UK copyright troll weeps, starts 20-week stretch in the cooler for beating up Uber driver

Camilla Smythe
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Re: 20 wks in prison! He's a kid for fucks sake!

WTF...? Unacceptable even if trying to be ironic. Unacceptable. Shame on you.

You are quite right. It was a piss poor attempt to highlight the offenders lack of respect for others. Post withdrawn.

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Sad reality: It's cheaper to get hacked than build strong IT defenses

Camilla Smythe
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Re: Pinto was one of the few times a reputation took a sustained hit

Tom Clancy made a buck or two out of it...

http://tomclancy.wikia.com/wiki/Debt_of_Honor

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Camilla Smythe
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Re: Sadly very true

Perhaps others may have missed the sarcasm in your post thereby resulting in you getting more down votes than up votes.

I am sure that what you meant to say rather than imply is something along the lines of...

<sarc>Company officers actually have a legal duty to operate the company in a financially responsible manner.</sarc>

However the regulatory authorities involved, in this case financial, are either clueless shitwanks, limp thickdicks, in someone else's pocket, taking bribes or expect to parachute out of their 'public service' job into an executive role for the offending company on more money than they get at the moment along with a Golden Goodbye and Pension Pot from their previous 'public service role' so fuck all happens.

The previous applies to any and all regulatory authorities, unless they are fucking over a 'public service entity' whereby any fine and/or costs are paid for by your taxes, and, as a result, nothing short of exploding dildo LiION batteries will wake them from their slumber, probably not, having crawled off the wife in order to drool on the dog whilst snoring after another exceptional one minute performance with 10 inches of rock hard meat, 'Mr Limp' failed to protrude beyond the belly, leaving the wife to finish the job off and then the bean counters will still do a cost-benefit analysis.

Err... You might prefer to use different words.

HTH

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Forgive me, father, for I have used an ad-blocker on news websites...

Camilla Smythe
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When I wert lad....

We had feature in browser called 'narrow slot mode' which were invoked by them there free toolbar things. Then I learned stuff and got rid only to find that later screen filled up with browsing experience enhancements disguised as adverts for socks. Anyways once again I learned stuff and got rid but browser reverted to 'narrow slot mode' what with all the little blocky icons filling up the top bit. Then narrow slot just says 'we use cookies to improve your browsing experience', blah blah and when I click the x to make that go away instead of it being replaced with pictures of socks some other message comes up saying I have to switch off my blocky thing to look at the sock pictures and I'm like 'which fucking one you twats?'

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Judge makes minor tweaks to sex ban IT man's order

Camilla Smythe
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Take care what you say...

Both to your Doctor and to Mental Health professionals. They are bound by confidentiality but, IANAL, in the event that you reveal any information to them that might be indicative that you are a threat to someone else's well-being they are required to act on that information and confidentiality no longer applies. That's a 'judgement call' from them but they are likely to err on the side of caution. In respect of some other authority being overzealous or otherwise acting in an unexpected manner according to the information they are supplied....

He told his GP that he needed women “to be scared, or I don't respond” in bed and also told the doctor he may have raped a former partner. In court he claimed this was part of a sado-masochistic fantasy and that the doctor had misunderstood what he was saying.

"This is a predictive allegation of a sex crime and the new law allows it to be offloaded to a civil court," he told the BBC. The new order bans him from discussing his sado-masochistic fantasies with medical personnel, and all his medical appointments must now have a chaperone.

It is not an 'predictive allegation'. It is likely to be about perceived probabilities and might better be seen as a pre-emptive course of action out of concern for the safety of others. I am not suggesting that some of the restrictions placed on the person concerned may have been over the top but I would not want my daughter to unwittingly end up on the wrong side of someone else's sado-masochistic fantasies.. should they choose to turn them into reality.

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Not enough personality: Google Now becomes Google Not Anymore

Camilla Smythe
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Yahbut..

You want it to remind you to do something at a certain time which involves visiting a certain place.

Contacts: To reply to people who get in touch when you are delivering your letters to tell them you are delivering letters and say you will call them back.

Calendars: To check that you will be free at the time when you wish to deliver your letters rather than in an important meeting you have forgotten about.

Apps: In case you want to play Pokemon on the way to the letterbox. You might find a new one you have not yet caught.

Music: So you can listen to some jazz on your walk to the letterbox... cool.

Battery Life: To ensure that it has enough juice to guide you to the nearest, profitable, letterbox by the best, profitable, route and, based on your browsing history guide you past multiple 'sock shops'.

Sensor Readings: To make sure you are following the most profitable route to the sock shop, letterbox.

Places you go: In order to make the journey more, profitable, interesting.

Bank contact details, pin and password: In order to make sure you have enough credit to buy some, stamps, socks.

and so it goes on.

See. In order to, monetise you, do its job faithfully and properly it needs all of this data about you. I really have no idea what you might be moaning about.

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Camilla Smythe
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Re: Oh when

Eh? Surely Duh Gooberments just lurve this sort of stuff. Let Google do the heavy lifting and then subpoena them for the bits they want.

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FBI overpaid $999,900 to crack San Bernardino iPhone 5c password

Camilla Smythe
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Extradition in.. 3... 2... 1...

Do not make the FBI look dumb.

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UK Science Museum will reconsider its 'sexist' brain quiz

Camilla Smythe
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Whut?

Mint asked if I wanted to download the file or play it with videos... so I downloaded it and then tried to open it in Firefox and I was asked if I wanted to download the file or play it with videos... I guess I'll just have to accept my gender as being a Beardie with Body Odour and Crusty Socks.

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'We already do that, we’re just OG* enough to not call it DevOps'

Camilla Smythe
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Even....

after reading the comments I am no further forward.

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Bees bring down US stealth fighter

Camilla Smythe
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Trump Would Disagree..

Good thing they decided to recolate the bees. We sorely need them to keep up biodiversity and to prevent food prices from skyrocketing.

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Adblock Plus blocks Facebook block of Adblock Plus block of Facebook block of Adblock Plus block of Facebook ads

Camilla Smythe
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I do occasionaly visit Face Book.

No account but other people occasionally link to drivel they have hosted there, usually Politicians. Can someone explain to me what the fascination is because I see little to no merit in what is being presented or the way it is being presented. At a personal level, assuming it is sooo good, I do not understand why someone has not already ripped it off and hosted it on Amazon.

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League of lawsuits: Game developer sues cheat-toting website

Camilla Smythe
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IDDQD.. #IPBill

If you leave, or put in place, 'back doors'... Someone will find and make use of them.

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How do you securely exchange encrypted-decrypted-recrypted data? Ask Microsoft

Camilla Smythe
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Re: Fuck Off!!1!!

Better???

Erm.. not really. All I see is some concept whereby Microsoft thinks it can keep its 'Walled Garden' safe from the prying eyes of others who own similar 'Walled Gardens' whilst being able to peer into 'their' 'Walled Garden' in a manner that will allow them to sell me SOCKS I have already bought without supposedly knowing I was the purchaser. Beyond the guff I spy no difference.

In respect of Windows 10 I think my box may have been constructed..

# dmidecode 2.12

SMBIOS 2.5 present.

40 structures occupying 1133 bytes.

Table at 0x000F0000.

Handle 0x0000, DMI type 0, 24 bytes

BIOS Information

Vendor: Phoenix Technologies, LTD

Version: PBSANFMB.0800

Release Date: 07/06/2007

Strange to say I looked that up on Google as the first hit and did not have to trog through to page 18 in order to discover another page asking me to install "Windows Best Bios Version Finder" cruftware...

Sometime after 2007 and came with Vista installed but that got scrubbed for various flavours of Linux, which I also randomly scream at. I suppose I just shout from the outside out of concern for those who are not Reg Readers who are quite happy in their blissful ignorance. GT85..

Plus, Microsoft might decide to add a Microsoft eXtra Like button to as many websites that they can and...

.gov likes to store all of your 'personal data' on azure so given Microsoft is developing their algyorythms to hervist your dita wivout knewing abbot yu then that is all kool. <- Appli ROT13

"Hi. Having used our algorithms to look through the .gov data we hold about you we do not know who you are but it looks like you need a truss for that hernia and some new FUCKING SOCKS."

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Camilla Smythe
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Fuck Off!!1!!

Such secure data exchange open to door to all sorts of applications including the ability to train algorithms, perform market research, conduct auctions and enable new business opportunities.

I HAVE ALREADY BOUGHT SOME FUCKING SOCKS SO YOU DO NOT HAVE TO ALGORITHMICALLY ADVERTISE THEM TO ME AGAIN IN ORDER TO IMPROVE MY BROWSING EXPERIENCE. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LONG SOCKS LAST ME OR ARE YOU GOING TO ALGORITHMICALLY DETERMINE THAT. STOP TRYING TO FUCK WITH MY SOCK PURCHASING PROCESS.. THERE ARE CERTAIN DECISIONS I CAN MAKE FOR MYSELF WITHOUT TWATS SUCH AS YOURSELF TRYING TO MAKE A CENT FROM ME SHITTING IN A LEFT ONE BECAUSE THE TOILET WAS NOT AVAILABLE AND NOT MENTIONING IT ON SOCIAL MEDIA. FUCK, YOU COULD NOT EVEN ALGORITHMICALLY SELL ME WASHING POWDER FOR MY FUCKING SOCKS. WHAT THE FUCK DO I CARE IF YOU OR SOME OTHER TWAT TRIES TO ALGORITHMICALLY SELL ME SOME SOCKS I ALREADY HAVE?

TWATS... THAT IS ALL.

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Head of UK oversight body to join GCHQ 'tech help desk'*

Camilla Smythe
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Do Not Call Me Surely.

Last time I felt the need to prod IOCCO Ms Cavan, after a bit of provoking for a response, informed me that I had to provide evidence of the interception of *my* communications and the harm it had done to *myself*. So basically IOCCO was and, having seen something recent, still stands as a bastion of the plethora of the UKs regulatory Chocolate Teapots.

Seems like she has gone off to be advised by others at GCHQ how to pour warm Tea, presumably with milk added to it at the brewing stage. Perhaps she has demonstrated that she is a 'safe pair of hands' who will 'rock the boat' according to instructions. Welcome to 'The Mathmos' Jo, at least Jane Fonda had more sense and went on to blow up 'The Orgasmotron'

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Brexit Britain: HP Sauce vs BBC.co.uk – choices that defined voters

Camilla Smythe
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"We Voted Leave..."

"Now hurry up and sort it out!!1!!"

"Hang on.. you created the problem so it is not my problem."

"Fucking is. Where are my curved Bananas in bunches of more than three!!1!!"

"In the shops?"

"And my £350 million a week for the NHS!!1!!"

"Did not exist in the first place."

"Fucking Did Toooooo."

"OK, you try and find it.. everyone else has run away."

"Look Cunt!!1!! I voted for free beer and curried Richmond Sausage Sandwich every night."

"Did you expect an extra shag with that?"

"Damn Right. Plus extra helpings of Good British Spotted Dick and Custard."

"Was it in the manifesto?"

"No!!1!! but all the other stuff was so what's the difference?"

"Did anyone you voted for ever deliver on their manifesto?"

"Stop Fucking with my head. Are you a Foreigner?"

"I guess the stuff you want was not there and the stuff you voted for was not there either."

"No. But.. I voted for it so now you have to do it!!1!!"

"Why?"

"Because we live in a Democracy and it is your fucking problem!!1!!"

"Perhaps you mean I get to suffer as a result of your stupidity?"

"Err Yeh. That!!1!! So Fucking sort it."

"Sorry. Can't help you."

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NASA test foiled by rocket shaking power cord loose from camera

Camilla Smythe
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FAIL

Stereo?

Aside from that SNAFU, the new High Dynamic Range Stereo X (HiDyRS-X) camera did a grand job.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nPfcwT4Fcy8

All I get is silence. Did the audio cable drop out at the start or did they forget the Slim Line Salad Dressing?

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Facebook to forcefeed you web ads, whether you like it or not: Ad blocker? Get the Zuck out!

Camilla Smythe
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Uhm...

Has anyone noticed FaceBook is smeared all over the Interwanks in much the same way that Google is and as such is spawning their cookies into your InterLooker such that even if you are not a 'member' they are still going to try and sell you the socks you bought last week.

You can also find them, and the usual suspects, including doubleclick on the nhs.uk, page that deals with your itchy knob problem that might be Gonorrhoea but you did not wish to ask 'The Partner' so you went to a 'Trusted Source' who you thought would not share it with 'others'...

'Hippocratic Oath' and such stuff...

http://urlquery.net/domain_graph.php?id=1470769733369

Ooops. Now DoubleClick, the advertising arm of Alphabet formerly known as Google along with the other Interlocutors.. and there will be more, knows you think you might have a Gonorrhoea problem.

Presumably Mr Zuch (Known for his Zukkhini sized Penis Zucchini), Page, Brin and Pichai will be checking before they decide to 'get wet' with you whilst they sell off all of your data and pocket the profits from "Compare The Knob Cream Dot Com".

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AdBlock Plus blocked in China: 159m forbidden from stripping adverts

Camilla Smythe
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Re: Hah Ha. Fuck off AdBlock Plus.

Either way, that kind of thinking is conceited beyond belief.

Full fat internet filled with pages that take minutes rather than milliseconds to load, or eat through already limited data allowances on mobile phones, etc etc.

Eat my multiplicity of Kardashian's Arse dressed in Latex or go play Sudoku as provided by 'She who also has a big bum".

As a 'non-member' of The IAB I will inform you that 'our' industry is 'worth' bazillions a year so rather than getting on my case you might do better if you buggered off and read The Daily Mail on-line.

In case you missed it 'our' industry is worth fucking bazillions which makes your opinion less than worthless.

In perspective.. Everyone else is so totally into X-Factor so basically you lose the end game.

Now... about those socks you bought last week?

http://thenextweb.com/shareables/2016/07/28/this-hilarious-skit-shows-exactly-whats-wrong-with-ads-on-the-web/

Good luck switching off the twat in your browser to view that one. Silly me you read El Reg so you are so fucking clever including condoms. Yo!!!!!! Check out your next door neighbour!!11??!!11 who can wipe their own arse as long as they are wiping their own arse and it does not involve anything teknilogicil.

Oh yeah.... and Net Neutrality is so fucking passé..... plus other stuff.

Nice Try. You lose. Game Over.

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Camilla Smythe
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Hah Ha. Fuck off AdBlock Plus.

Everyone needs to get used to the 'full fat' interwank and we do not need twats like you fucking about with things. Now kindly dry up and blow away.

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Windows 10 still free, even the Anniversary Update, if you're crass

Camilla Smythe
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Re: Twisting in the wind

Because 11 is one louder than 10?

Urrm No. Because Windows 11 will come with a Spinal Tap. HTH

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Camilla Smythe
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Re: All of which begs the question:

Abusing the blue Badge scheme means that you are depriving someone with a legitimate need of a good that's in limited supply. Not something that applies to WinX.

Thanks. Most succinct but it would seem you have not thought my Dilemma through. I'll go for the downvotes...

Would you wish Windows 10 on a cripple?

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Camilla Smythe
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All of which begs the question:

All of which begs the question: is it acceptable to take advantage of an offer Microsoft's made to a very deserving group of users? Make us proud, Reg readers.

The question raises a slight Dilemma. The Blue Badge system, free parking for those with disabilities in Right Pondia, is regularly abused. Taking advantage of Microsoft's offer...?

For the moment I find myself incapable of describing the conflict that is presently in my head which, for the moment is preventing me from expressing a properly reasoned view of the situation.

Errr... OK, you can have a Blue Badge but only if you own a Trabant. Uhm... We have noticed you have enabled large fonts. May we recommend Bob's Opticians, they have a branch in Bognor Regis just 200 yards up the road from you. Yes you can downgrade to Windows 7 but we are unable to recover or implement Assistive Technologies on your downgraded version and the Upgrade To 10 messages, as scaled according to your last setting of large fonts, will be presented as a 107x106 gif image which you either will not notice or otherwise be incapable of clicking on the right part in order to refuse the Upgrade to 10. Have a Nice Day. Team Microsoft 10.

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Camilla Smythe
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Re: Twisting in the wind Be careful what you wish for..

Unfortunately, the entire experience with 10 is ruined by its nagware and insistence on phoning home every more the user makes - I'd happily pay for a version that to could easily customize to remove bloatware and maintain some semblance of privacy.

So overall I'm waiting until Windows goes to 11.

At the moment Only Spinal Tap goes to Eleven. Let's try and keep it like that.

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Dolly the sheep clones have aged well, say scientists

Camilla Smythe
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Re: Good

Top shelves will be superfluous. They are just places for Men to try and hide their wank mags under our collections of soft furnishings.

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Camilla Smythe
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Good

Full steam ahead on getting rid of the male of the specieses.

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Milk IN the teapot: Innovation or abomination?

Camilla Smythe
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What he said.

Absolute sacrilege - tea doesn't brew properly once the milk is added.

The fat in the milk clogs the pores in the Teabag if you are using them and/or otherwise coats the leaves so the water cannot act properly upon them. Either you wait for ages or end up with piss weak Tea. Putting milk in brewing Tea is....

"Well. I did almost think that it was time to pay them a visit but they seem to have being doing some terribly stupid stuff recently what with the...."

"My Lord!! We have reports of someone placing milk in brewing tea!"

"ARGGGGGH. Drop the Quarantine Buoy and get us out of here. Maximum Speed."

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Captain Piccard's planet-orbiting solar aircraft in warped drive drama

Camilla Smythe
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Around The World in 21 Days.

What were they faffing about with for the other 488 days?

I'll leave someone else to explain which bit I misread.

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Pokemon GO-ZILLA: Safety fears after monsters appear in Fukushima danger zone

Camilla Smythe
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Hai!

Hai!

You phone is here!

We create next Pokemon here!

Go catch Pokemon!

Hai!

You phone is here!

We create next Pokemon here!

Go catch Pokemon!

Hai!

You phone is here!

We create next Pokemon here!

Go catch Pokemon!

Hai!

You phone is here!

We create next Pokemon here!

Go catch Pokemon!

Hai!

You phone is here!

We create next Pokemon here!

Go catch Pokemon!

Hai!

Lost GPS signal on your phone!

Glug Glug Glug.

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Harrison Ford's leg, in the Star Wars film, with the Millennium Falcon door

Camilla Smythe
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Ford, best known..

..for playing CSO Jack Stanfield in the 2006 cyber-thriller Firewall.

Not part of my memory but he still pulls the same faces. Just another one trick horse like Brian Blessed.

<rant>

I thought a Firewall was that thing you stuck between sections of Forests... Oh hang on it's that iptables thing you use to stop some script kiddie twat face from connecting to your mail server 20 times every second.

Perhaps Jack Stanfield can sort that one out for me. Can someone implement IPv6 sometime soon. I realise I will be totally identifiable but it will force a rewrite of that 'Yo Scan The Internet in 20 seconds' shite that lives on github.

Oh and whilst I am on the case.

FUCK OFF Umich.Edu, and the rest of the twats. I did not ask you for a 'security/research scan' and you did not offer me any 'results'. Go get your students to practice on your own network.

</rant>

<sarc>

I, for one, will be glad when the IPBill is passed because it will nip all this script kiddy shit in the bud as our Security Forces swing into action and prevent people taking £600 out of my bank account via Western Union for the privilege of having my computer fucked over some more or having to buy more storage for my log files. Go Theresa.

</sarc>

Otherwise I am inclined to agree with Health And Safety at Work... even if it involves pretend movie security experts..... What? You mean the character has been adopted and promoted by GCHQ? Perhaps I'll just go to bed and wake up when this bad dream is all over.

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She wants it. She needs it. Shall I give it to her or keep doing it by myself?

Camilla Smythe
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Ah Yes... Windows .tmp files.

Something like that anyway.

"job: 36890786: logged from user XXXX

Hi my computer has crashed. Help!!"

Pays to visit.

"Hi. Problem?"

"Yes it just stopped working and my Power Point Presentation has been lost."

"Oh. OK. Let's just have a look in here. Hmm sort by date."

"Wow! what are all those ~weird files?"

"Err. Those are the ones that are using up 94% of your hard drive."

"OK. Let's just rename the last one to .ppt and have a looksie."

"Oh great thanks. I would have hated to have lost all that work."

"No Problems. What do you want to do with the other ones?"

"Uhm?"

"Looks like two years worth of crashes."

"All my work!!!?"

"Yup. Do you remember what it might have been."

"Uhm.... No."

del *.*

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Coup-Tube: Turkey blocks social networks amid military takeover

Camilla Smythe
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Re: if you can read this you are probably one of the lucky ones

Last I knew grass roots Turkey was inhabited by credible people. You make it sound like Theresa May is in control whilst Boris Johnson is dealing with foreign policy. Welcome home.

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Get ready for mandatory porn site age checks, Brits. You read that right

Camilla Smythe
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Re: It was my fault.

Uhm... I told them damp string was the pron filter, cough, and they seemed to accept that self regulation was the proper way forward for the industry.

I also dropped in on The Climate Change Committee and cautioned about rising sea levels as a result of all this rain we have been having recently. They were a bit nonplussed until I pointed out that all of that water eventually finds its way back into the sea via those things called rivers.

Anyway. I advised that they raise the Thames Barrier to stop the rain entering the sea and implement a hose pipe ban until it had all evaporated. They seemed much happier after I had provided them with a solution they understood rather than the problems other expert witnesses come up with.

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Camilla Smythe
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It was my fault.

I was demonstrating how communications systems worked to The Committee and one of them asked how they could achieve the higher speeds they had been promising without spending any money so I showed them how things got better if you put a bit of tension in the string.

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Forget YouTube – meet ChewTube: Strangers watching millennials eat

Camilla Smythe
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South Korea... Noodles.

I believe the operative word is Ramen and yes Ramyeon, South Korean Ramyeon as opposed to the Japanese or Chinese version which is considered to be rubbish, is very popular as a base for a meal. They even have Ramyeon Restaurants. There was however some concern from the Government that Da Yoof who were doing it at home were getting slightly fat because they were adding too much or too much of the wrong stuff to the base so they published some advisory videos and parody arrived. It's quick, simple, infinitely variable and fits within a five minute video.

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