* Posts by Camilla Smythe

515 posts • joined 3 Apr 2009

Page:

Microsoft wants LAMP for wireless mobe charger

Camilla Smythe

Message Received

From: the.mysterons@anotherplanet.galaxy

To: earthling@yourplanet.tv

Subject: Bwah Hah Hah

See Subject

Kind Regards

Captain Black

0
0

Post-pub nosh neckfiller: Hot Spanish tongue action

Camilla Smythe

From The Cow Protection League.

Bestiality division.

We do wish the necrophiliacs would lay off for a while.

0
0

ALIEN fossils ON MARS: Curiosity snaps evidence of life

Camilla Smythe

FOOKING BIG ALIEN LEG AT THE BOTTOM LEFT

Just in case you did not notice.

1
0

European data law: UK.gov TRASHES 'unambiguous consent' plans

Camilla Smythe

Oh Great

Does this mean BT, TalkTalk and Virgin will be lining up to circle jerk with Phorm again?

5
0

No, I won't SNORKEL in your server room at STUPID-O'CLOCK

Camilla Smythe

Troll Phish Bait Article

Flooded basement iz Urban Legend in as much as if might have happened and it will be repeated but obviously no-one is paying much attention anyway. Eeeee when I wert lad 75% of NORAD went down because the bloke who wrote Access moved desk and they did not terminate his T-junction. Everyone else went ape because their Excel spreadsheets, where the real analysis was done, could not connect to his shit-base to get any data. Everyone is flapping about like expert flappy birds trying to diagnose the wrong problem and I get back from a bit of R&R to have them flap at me. I leave the meeting to go take a piss and on the way back take a detour via my cardboard box of 50ohm terminators and twist one in, wait a while and then check my e-mails. Gregory wants to know if his boss can have his submarines back 'no questions asked'. I return to the meeting and say things seem to be working now mentioning some sort of incompatibility due to an upgrade.. quick check and everyone is happy.

1
5

Festive post-pub noshtastic neckfiller: HEARTY HOG MAW

Camilla Smythe

Re: Pig Skin

Crackle roast pork without the pork!... and substitute haggis for the sausage meat. Or other stuff. The possibilities are endless. Don't forget the roast potatoes, do them in the bottom of the pan that is collecting the fat.... and gravy. I am sorely tempted to try and abort one myself. I'll just book a future appointment for some new stents.

0
0
Camilla Smythe

Pig Skin

Sounds like a excellent encasement substitute.

May one suggest that rather than removing too much of the fat you leave it in place and then rather than sowing things up as a package roll the contents up in the skin like a big sausage, sew up the ends and then place the construction on a baking grill in a pan to let excess fat drain off and allow for a bit of basting. Lightly score the skin, sprinkle with salt and ground black pepper, give it a squeeze of lemon/lime juice and then roast as if it is a joint.

Hopefully you will end up with a nice bit of crackling... Having said as much it does look like you may have partially achieved such an effect but it looks a bit compressed and soggy.

1
0

Reg man confesses: I took my wife out to choose a laptop for Xmas. NOOOO

Camilla Smythe

Re: If she likes the colour ...

Eh ?

"Then she saw it - the sunset-orange colour Chromebook. This was “the one”. I was worried. I knew straight away this was trouble - Chromebooks have their place but they are not laptops."

"Look up the model number and see if it is easy to install your favourite Linux distribution."

So... assuming I need to use something like apt-get install and hope The Gimp dependencies follow through then the target machine is going to break out a spray can from the appropriate hardware port and pimp the case Orange.

Impressive.

1
13

JPMorgan Chase mega-hack was a simple two-factor auth fail

Camilla Smythe

Re: Cyberwar terrorism

"Someone wake me up when this perverse alternative reality nightmare ends."

Uhm.. OK, Slap Slap.

"Wake up. WAKE UP!!*!!1"

"Oh, Thank God. I was only dreaming."

"Welcome back :-)"

-

-

-

"Oh Shit!!"

0
0

Google's first stab at control-free ROBOT car rolls off the line

Camilla Smythe

Re: @ We have arrived Sir

"Tampax for your baby. Something a bit screwy with that search algorithm methinks."

There is an historical advertising precedence. Apparently they missed the contraception angle by nine months but offered vouchers for baby milk to the hosts parents.... Something like that anyway

2
0
Camilla Smythe

"We have arrived Sir."

"What's this? I wanted to go to work.."

"Your recent browsing experience suggests you want to buy Tampax for your baby."

"This is StarBucks."

"It was on the way to the Tampax shop. Your Kettle informs me you did not imbibe this morning."

"Just take me to work."

-

-

"We have arrived Sir."

"This is 'Joe's Burger Bar'. I do not work for 'Joe's Burger Bar'."

"Your fridge informed me you had not partaken of breakfast. 'Joe's Burger Bar' does a nice all day breakfast according to their brochures."

"Just take me to work!"

-

-

"What The Fuck IS THAT!?

"Slade Sir. 'tis the season.. Apparently very popular at this time of year."

"Switch it off!!"

"Rick Astley then?"

"No! Let me Out. Let me Out.......

48
3

TRAGEDY STRIKES Vulture News Central but details remain scrambled

Camilla Smythe
Mushroom

It would seem Regina has become rather like the site redesign.

Something which has been newly introduced only to become stale and tossed on the floor.... Note the watery white and the burst yolk. You would not wish to break that one into your frying pan along with a couple of rashers.. let alone try for a meringue or soufflé.

Perhaps, having got bored with her, the animator/voice over person might have resorted to a, arguments descend, 3 minute soft boil followed by a precise Dremel, I do not work for the company, trepanation of the brain cavity prior to excavation with toasted and buttered soldiers.

I will not mention the possible distribution of a smearing of Marmite on such scalpels for fear of.. OS Wrath.

Having removed, or eaten out, all of Regina's bodily fluids you can fill her back up again with some of Earth's own earth and a bit of Grass Seed, a Carrot Top or something else a bit more suited to your Vegan needs then leave Her in the Airing Cupboard for a while.

Naturally you will wish to wire up a Raspberry Pi to a couple of low light infra-red cameras and hook them up to the IOT and your NAS box so everyone can become a voyeur but I bet you will still open the door to check.

Then, when she has her new head of grass, you might proudly display her on your windowsill and let her green up....

BUT

You forgot about the other 5 you left in the fridge, along with the left over curry and MOULD and your tin of Coors Light. Oh No.... I am not fooled by your pristine presentation of how you would like us to think the internals of your fridge look like.

I know your Rumba is clagged up with pubic hair and is sentient enough to avoid cleaning under the bed.

The Men In Black are a film. Do not go into the kitchen and open doors because what will escape will not make them, or Ghostbusters, a reality. Burn IT Burn IT NOW!!

This educational message brought to you by 'Duck and Cover'.

1
0

The Shock of the New: The Register redesign update 4

Camilla Smythe

How long....

Is it going to take you to put it back to how it was before whilst hoping people do not notice?

2
0

Vulture 2 design hero describes epic 'hobby' project

Camilla Smythe

Arghhhh "The Engineer"

That structure is invested with 'double helices'.. !!£$%*&"!!!!11

2
0

Sick of the 'criminal' lies about pie? Lobby the government HERE

Camilla Smythe

All Your Base Are Belong To Us.

I will just go stroke my white fluffy one.

0
0

Penguin porn? NO! Linux folk in #LCA2015 standoff

Camilla Smythe

Re: Surely...

If the penguin is a gentleman, the lady will come first....

Fantasy is...

You cum together.

Reality is...

The Lady has multiple cums then claims thirst, rolls over and keeps you awake on the wet patch with her impression of a road drill until the wet patch dries out and then shunts you into the corner of the bed and robs the quilt.

YMMV

7
3

Twitter co-founder: 'I don’t give a SHIT if Instagram has more people looking at pretty pics'

Camilla Smythe

No Doubt I Missed This...

http://i.imgur.com/2Zvqo7h.png

Muh-Huh.. Click

http://i.imgur.com/jhFmC8a.png

Uhm-Kay,....

Is this bad doo-doos?

0
0

El Reg Redesign - leave your comment here.

Camilla Smythe
Coat

I'll check back later --> Mine protects me from Pron

ITMT the rest of you might wish to visit..

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/home/index.html

To view the future of El Reg.

0
0
Camilla Smythe
Black Helicopters

Did Murdock... Icon --->

Spring the GeoCities wing from the Asylum during his latest escape?

3
0

Google kills CAPTCHAs: Are we human or are we spammer?

Camilla Smythe

Hmmmm...

http://xkcd.com/1444/

6
1

MEPs want 'unbiased search', whatever that is – they're not sure either

Camilla Smythe

Meh..

https://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en-GB&source=hp&q=Vibrator+Motor&btnG=Google+Search&gbv=1

NO!!!1!!! I want to repair my Dildo. ARGHH ARGHH ARGHH.

Oh, perhaps someone else got more targeted results. Blush.

0
0

Star Wars: Episode VII trailer lands. You call that a lightsaber? THIS is a lightsaber

Camilla Smythe

Re: People are griping about the practicality of a "light sabre"?

Apparently, sometime in the past, the BA got equipped with shit rifles.

http://www.theguardian.com/uk/2002/oct/10/military.jamesmeek

Presumably they have similar issues in fantasy land and this time 'The Dark Side' engineered 'The Light Sabre of Imposed Choice'.

0
0
Camilla Smythe

Re: OMG... A little restraint please...

"FFS, this is a teaser for a movie that's still in production and won't be released for another year!!! I've read so much anti-this and anti-that about this title already and it's not even finished. FFS please stop this BS speculation. When the flick is finally released then everyone can express their opinions. Until then, naysayers please SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

Ah. I see your point.

What you are saying is they have run out of ideas so they are floating rubbish in the hope of crowd sourcing criticism in order to make things better.

Presumably this works if everyone chooses to STFU and let them get on with it.

15
0
Camilla Smythe

All Videos Appear to be The Same

Is the glimpsed species good at sucking knob? Perhaps it evolved from the fleshlight.

As an aside I have to agree the new light sabre appears to be a bit of rubbish. Not being up to steam on Samurai stuff but it does seem waving it about will end up with severed wrists and trying to chop someone's head off will lose you your legs, at the torso if your opponent is short.

Perhaps it comes with sensors that switch off the useless bits when they are about to chop you up. Perhaps all will become clear in the fight choreography.

In respect of the robot.. Segway.

0
3

Mysterious BEAM outside London Googleplex ZAPPED

Camilla Smythe

Wuh...!?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Q2OodKbztc

Assuming the 'video' is a screenshot of the bloke who is having his hair go all 'spikey' due to static charge why is the commentator flicking his arrow thing about background objects such as the roof of a car parked to the rear left and what might be the porch above a door entrance behind the bloke?

2
0

El Reg reanimates Cash'n'Carrion merchandising tentacle

Camilla Smythe

Bike Pron

http://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0551/7621/products/Flask2.png?v=1415964935

Don't suppose that would fit the bottle cage of a push bike.. And while I'm at it,

http://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0551/7621/products/torch2.png?v=1416218981

Any specs, lifetime for rechargeable batteries and possible flash modes. Also any mounting hardware for handlebars and have you got similar in red for the rear?

0
0

You'll go APE for our new Gorilla Glass 4, Corning reckons

Camilla Smythe

Fnarr Fnarr

To make the glass so strong the Corning team drew inspiration from 17th Century Dutch glassmakers who discovered a technique for making super-strong glass called Dutch Tears, or Prince Rupert's Drops.

Tears and a Prince Albert come to ming [SIC]

2
0

Gartner mages: And the Enterprise Archiving Magic Quadrant top spot goes to...

Camilla Smythe

As an aside

Has anyone demonstrated that a Gartner Quadrant is worth the paper it is Quartered On beyond Self Procreation?

2
0

It's space WAR: Comet launches fireballs at space-invading EARTH

Camilla Smythe

Meh..

The local council switches off the local street lights so the robbers can rob stuff but we can gaze better into the dark but the weather man taketh it away with his clouds and fog and shit.

No doubt in the cold light of tomorrow, when the sun wakes up.. but not for Phil, I shall put a foot out of the bed and be welcomed to the intense cold of a clear sky.. or fog.

Perhaps I should press 9 next time someone autodials me and suggests .gov is going to pay for my solar panels.

Is Jonathan Livingstone Perseid still about?

Don't bother waking me up. I have a cat for that one.

0
5

Facebook, working on Facebook at Work, works on Facebook. At Work

Camilla Smythe

No Doubt..

You will have to link your 'Facebook Account' to your 'Facebook At Work' account and be invited to upload all the contact details from your address book so your 'friends' will be invited to join as well and you will be automatically 'friended' with hrdepartment@yourcompany.com and yourboss@yourcompany.com along with possiblesuppliers@someothercompanies.com

3
0

Philae healthier... beams CHEESE: Proud ESA shows off FIRST COMET SURFACE PIC

Camilla Smythe

Re: You should have linked the hi-res

Hmm.. Thanks for the Hi-Res. Notice to the bottom right there appears to have been something similar to a surface melt that might have re-frozen.... and there appears to be a bit of string poking out of it that is also coated in whatever melted.

Soup Dragon indeed..

Blue String Pudding!!!

Comets are made of Blue String Pudding!!!!!1!!

They are the interplanetary equivalent of frozen home deliveries for Clangers.

Another great day as Science answers the mysteries of the Universe.

-

-

-

Yoiks. I dragged that one into Gimp. Cropped to the relevant area and selected the 'colourise' tool, first time I have ever used it, and the default settings came up with this,

http://i.imgur.com/WTT78u0.png

Proof positive if it were needed.

1
0

This 125mph train is fitted with LASERS. Sadly no sharks, though

Camilla Smythe

Wuh!!?

This 125mph train is fitted with LASERS.

http://i.imgur.com/IuVtfSV.png

Oh.. silly me. That's Zuck standing on the platform pointing to the 125mph train fitted with lasers, to his right. Not Zuck being a 125mph train or fitted with lasers...

Either that or he is not very good at Charades.

0
0

Mystery Google barges TORPEDOED by US govt: Showrooms declared death traps

Camilla Smythe

Presumably

This was part of the whatever % free time the Chocolate Factory gives to its Choclateers in an effort to stuff Ferrero Rocher, who are responsible for Nutella but do not make Hershey Bars. Deep fried Mars Bars and where Pop Stars might put them, deep fried or otherwise... ERM.

I think you will find that Google has "Fuck You Money", "Stuff You Money", "Don't Care Money", "Not Bothered Money", "Loads'a Money", bosh bosh, and spare left over for the Lobbyists, Lawyers and Politicians.

Obviously all paid for by 'you'... AKA "All Your Money".

"I know what you're thinking: "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. But being this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do ya, punk?"

..and "Money Left Over", although the magazine will not be as questionably empty and self reloads by 'crossing the streams'.

Egon Spengler: There's something very important I forgot to tell you.

Venkman: What?

Spengler: Don't cross the streams.

Venkman: Why?

Spengler: It would be bad.

Venkman: I'm fuzzy on the whole good/bad thing. What do you mean, "bad"?

Spengler: Try to imagine all of your money getting sucked out of your wallet and used against you.

Stantz: Total wallet suckage with repercussions?.

Venkman: Right. That's bad. Okay. All right. Important safety tip. Thanks, Egon.

Stantz: Whoa! Does that include my Moths?

Venkman: Egon?

Spengler: And the wallet.

Stantz: What else?

Spengler: Everything.

Venkman: Who else knows about this Egon?

Spengler: Only me. I did a search on Google.

Stantz: Venkman: Oh Crap!!

0
1

LOHAN test flight: Results in from Oz jury

Camilla Smythe

Re: Zeners

<bullshit mode on>

Point taken re EMI however it can be controlled/ameliorated. Just a matter of knowing what you are doing rather than, tongue in cheek, slapping things together on S-DEC and watching them blow up..

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2014/09/16/vulture_2_power_podule_servo_test/

http://www.castlecreations.com/products/ccbec.html

You will find that most avionics kit is stuffed full of SMPS and indeed El-Reg are using the above to buck things down from a higher input voltage by putting their batteries in series. Of course I do not know what Castle have Created but I might assume a bit of blue heat shrink and potting compound does not look like a solution to EMI.

One thing I do know is that a 'raw' buck converter hammers the input source with a square wave current draw unless you provide further input filtering...

http://regmedia.co.uk/2014/09/02/cc_bec_big.jpg

That will be the capacitor on the input side. Mr wet finger would probably conclude it is 'just enough' to get away with things.

which knobs on your loop compensation so you may as well put the batteries in parallel and use a boost converter with low input ripple current to generate the higher output voltage prior to bucking it down and independently redistributing it according to requirements.

<bullshit mode fully on>

Batteries are happier in parallel. Synchronous buck will return/recover power back to the input boost stage output which will/should take care of any load dump from the inductiveness of the servos... assuming that is a problem.

<missing closing tag>

<missing closing tag>

0
0
Camilla Smythe
Boffin

Re: Zeners

"You may need to consider something a little more sophisticated..."

Amen.

Probably not enough time for the sub-space jockeys but it might be interesting from a general perspective to do something for the 'collective community' which might avoid the "Ooops bugger, let's put a 'battery eliminator' in there. Oooops bugger." mentality.

I might mention that the graphs as presented make no sense to me and otherwise power processing is *hard*.

I would be inclined to implement a parallel low voltage battery pack, with sufficient voltage on the ground, to start up a..

http://www.ti.com/lit/an/slua149/slua149.pdf

UCC3803

UCC1803 for MIL SPEC

and implement a boost converter which will be 'gentle' on the batteries in terms of ripple current and once started will keep itself supplied from the output via devious means even if the batteries drop below UVLO.

Having boosted up to a 'suitable' voltage, 24V?, with your, dirt slow control loop, boost converter into a storage capacitor you then use, monster fast control loop, generic multiple synchronous buck converters to deliver the power at the required voltages elsewhere.

The output capacitors, assuming you use the right ones, will sniff at the spikes and should your load decide to take a dump it will be returned back to the boost converters output capacitor and recycled elsewhere.

Just burbling.

1
0

Google hopes to cure its 'flu sneezes

Camilla Smythe

Re: Planet Appears to have Wobbled Again

"Not even with honey..."

Maybe Google can ask someone to spend a bit of their spare 'Google Time' putting that one in the sachet for suitable reconstitution during the 'add boiled water' phase.

It was a silly thought.

"Hi, you might like to consider the problem of LemSip not including Honey for your next 'freetime project'"

"Brin! Yeah Brin! I'll Hadoop it Right Away. Might Need Some More Big Data."

In news elsewhere please visit an NHS, or related, website and note that Google *is* *on* **LarryPage** and has still not cured influenza.

0
0
Camilla Smythe

Planet Appears to have Wobbled Again

Is this Google's Giggle to a, cold, Northern Hemisphere response or does Flu break out *all over* the World about this time of year and if it does why?

Apparently Google has *Big Data* but are incapable of doing much with it beyond advertising LemSip.

Oh... That will be it. Google also wants access to my medical records... to recommend Blackberry Flavour LemSip.

Fuck Off.

2
0

ROGUE SAIL BOAT blocks SPACE STATION PODULE blastoff

Camilla Smythe

Hmm...

Does Elon Musk own a Yacht?

20
0

AndroidScript returns to Google Play Store: Ad giant YIELDS TO THE MIGHT OF EL REG

Camilla Smythe
Thumb Up

Re: new names:

Have an up-vote for STEMscript. I would suggest great minds think alike but you might become extremely worried.

3
0

ROBOT TROUSER SNAKE stiffens to master slippery mounds

Camilla Smythe

It strikes me..

Looking at the picture of the mechanical/robot snake that what is happening is the lower point of contact of the top bend is pushing the sand back to form a hump and support forward motion whilst the upper point of contact of the bottom bend is holding the sand forming that hump in place keeping it stable in excess of what would be 'close to the angle of maximum slope stability' to enable the overall solution to work at that angle. I might speculate that a sidewinder in motion can traverse a slope that is greater than one it might be able to remain stationary on.

0
0

Apple's iPhone 6 can REVERSE BALDNESS (and cause it, too)

Camilla Smythe

Stiffness

I would hazard a guess that these baldies if not truly bald actually have very short hair around their ears or a very short hair cut overall. As a result the hair is stiff and able to penetrate any gap in order to get caught and pulled out. Of course this does not detract from the fact that the problem did not exist before and therefore it is a design fault by Apple and they should be lambasted for it. I believe Mr Jobs had a short haircut so this would not have happened if he was still about. Could be time for a new style rubber bumper that covers the gap.

1
0

SHELLSHOCKED: Fortune 1000 outfits Bash out batches of patches

Camilla Smythe

Fortune 1000 overlords SHELLSHOCKED into Bash patch batch

Meh..? Obviously I am dumb but doesn't 'update manager', or some other bit of tut, moan at people to update bits such as this or is the article suggesting 'Fortune 1000 Overlords' ignore such advice until they crap a load of someone else's money over to crooks, themselves, and then pay themselves bigger bonuses?

2
2

Spies, avert eyes! Tim Berners-Lee demands a UK digital bill of rights

Camilla Smythe

Meanwhile..

On another Planet, in another Sol type system in another Galaxy far far far away.

"Five minutes of data collected."

"Run the predictor."

"Already have."

"And?"

"Intelligence but perverted again."

"Chances of recovery?"

"Insignificant within their time scale."

"Chances of recovery with intervention?"

"Insignificant."

"Sigh. Move on to the next target."

4
1

US team claims PARIS paper plane launch crown

Camilla Smythe

Re: /me

Hmm.. something like a B52 launching an X15... but sort of in reverse? Sling the paper plane under rocket powered one and cut it free when the rocket powered one has finished its launch/boost phase to maximum altitude.

1
0

iPhone 6: The final straw for Android makers eaten alive by the data parasite?

Camilla Smythe
Coat

Fucking PhoneTard Wars

Mine will be the one that connects via the 'land line' and has its ring switched off.

0
0

Edge Research Lab to tackle chilly LOHAN's final test flight

Camilla Smythe

Re: Stuff a couple o' these in there

Apparently beer works whereas coffee does not.

2
0
Camilla Smythe

Re: Mumble

Please do let me know how it goes with more coffee.

If it still does not make sense after more coffee then I assume we can conclude that more coffee is not the solution to the sense you were seeking in the first place.

Or perhaps my logic is flawed.

1
0
Camilla Smythe

Mumble

http://www.energizer.com/batteries/performance-lithium/ultimate-lithium/Pages/aa.aspx

http://www.google.com/search?q=-40%C2%B0F

IIRC El Reg published an article about someone discussing -40F as being -40C and having to check themselves.

Have Energizer got a dirtydatashitsheet that details performance down at that temperature and 10 degrees below?

IIRC Arrhenius, may not apply, says 10 degrees halves performance.

Or.... Will Energizer get involved and help out with a solution, and perhaps a bit of cash, cough cough?

http://www.energizer.com/batteries/performance-lithium/ultimate-lithium/Pages/ultimate-lithium-partners.aspx

Hmm, no mention of the Rabbit Dildo.

Errr... Elsewhere it would seem you have a battery pack on the main launch platform to keep the rocket motor toasty. Floating a misshaped turd and going bang for buck/weight is there not some chymical method of keeping the internals warm?

Mumble. I believe it is some sort of two part goo that gets hot when you mix it. Not sure about how long it lasts.

Don't forget 'conformal coating'.

Blah Blah Blah.

0
2

Leak of '5 MEELLLION Gmail passwords' creates security flap

Camilla Smythe

Re: Not my GMail password

Silly as it may seem, and I am not known to be particularly intelligent, I would assume that Google does not 'know' the passwords... salted cashews and such stuff. If they did download the file then in order to check for compromised accounts they would have to use the information to see if they could log in to the accounts and that might put them on the wrong side of the law. Of course assuming these are accounts that Google regularly sniffs the data from to spaff adverts at people then things possibly become even sillier. Anyway, as suggested, they might find themselves charged with doing something nefarious. Errr, pass the paracetamol.

3
3

Forget silly privacy worries - help biometrics firms make MILLIONS

Camilla Smythe

Re: Will any of us still be alive in the year 2313?

Bit of a typo. The author obviously meant 2112.

"What can this strange device be?

When I touch it I get adverts for stuff I bought yesterday...."

ETC

7
0

Page:

Forums