* Posts by Camilla Smythe

595 posts • joined 3 Apr 2009

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Japan's NTT whips out OpenStack cannon at cloud Godzilla AWS

Camilla Smythe
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Re: Freezone is buggered

"Nothing, including DNS works. Thanks for that 'Team Freezone'"

For clarification... as of this moment as in not in July 4th. Of course I may be wrong but 'Totally Tit's Up'

SMEG... I should have set my DNS TTL bigger to 'come next weekend in August' as opposed to '120'. Then again I am just a learner.

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Camilla Smythe
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Freezone is buggered

"We’re doing some server maintenance at our UK data center on Saturday,

July 4th at 00:00 UKST. The maintenance will require downtime, but

should only last around 30 minutes. During that time, Freezone will not

be available for users at all. Any emails received during that period

will be saved and forwarded once we are back online.

Customer websites and emails hosted with Freezone will not work, online

support will remain offline as well. Again, it should only be around 30

minutes before everything’s back online. This upgrade will basically

help us rebound faster should a similar outage occur again (heaven

forbid).

We appreciate your patience and co-operation in this matter

Freezone Team"

Nothing, including DNS works. Thanks for that 'Team Freezone'

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IPT: Sorry we confused Amnesty International with Egyptian group

Camilla Smythe
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Meh...

Possibly irrelevant[?] but...

http://www.frontlineclub.com/terry-waite-alan-johnston-and-amnesty-international-call-on-egypt-to-find-al-jazeera-staff-not-guilty/

I have noticed my local Muslim bloke watching a lot of Al-Jazeera. He often tries to convert me to Islam but does not get upset when I argue the toss from a Snitheists perspective, So Not Interested.

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It's the hottest day of the year. So check out John Lewis' Xmas tech range!

Camilla Smythe
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I only bothered to check back with the first page...

WTF

Haven't they heard of an Astable Multivibrator? A couple Of OC81s and some other bits and pieces and you are on your way.... Apparently, for Audiophiles, it works a bit better with BC108s and quality polypropylene capacitors with resistors from Vishay... as was.

Presumably they can simulate the effect with a Mac, Kool Lighting and 'Blokes who apt-get' in 'White Coats' at 450 billion times the required budget.

Come at me not with your Theramins and KT88s lest I wrap loads of wire around an industrial sized empty cling film cardboard tube and electrocute you with my selected paralleled ECC86s taken from old tellies driving the primary copper tube of a water tank heater.

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In your face, US citizens! Govt can’t save you from corporate eyes

Camilla Smythe
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Via Aral Balkan...

https://twitter.com/aral/status/616144877789806592

With reference to,

https://twitter.com/PandoDaily/status/615919679802970113

You might wish to compare and contrast The Advertising Industry, and their supporters, to The Tobacco Industry... and their supporters.... Or indeed Telecoms, net neutrality, or any other Industry---

There's big fuck off bucks to be made from screwing over the majority of the 'dumb fuck' population by targeting their ignorance.

HTH

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Mobe encryption guru Charles Brookson picks up OBE from the Queen

Camilla Smythe
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<irony>

</irony>

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Google IS listening: Binary blob banished from Chromium build

Camilla Smythe
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Let me put matters in perspective.

I do not give a flying fuck about anyone else's definition about what Chrome or Chromium might be or a discussion about Java, JavaScript... NaCl?

All I know is that 100% of people I know, as Johnny No Mates but excluding myself, have the Chrome Browser lurking on their computers along with the Ask Toolbar and that thing that lets 'Indians' log in remotely to bugger things up even more.

Dear Google. Fuck Off.

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Camilla Smythe
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Re: Listening?

"Which is the right thing to do.

Keeps the openistas happy and everything continues to work as is for Joe Public, who doesn't give a rat's arse about this sort of thing and also makes up 99+% of the user base."

I agree. Send them all to the gas chambers now. Eugenics is wasted on them.

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Robo-car wars: Delphi's near crash, prang, wallop with Google DENIED!

Camilla Smythe
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Probably...

FUD FOLLOWS,

Copied each others API's from Elon Musk. Next you know Oracle will be suing them.

Bloke is driving down the road in his <insert car here>Car</insert car here> and the API notices 'Flash Flash Flash' via its rear view thing and decides to speed up.

55-60-70 mph.

'Flash Flash Flash'

70-80-90 mph

'Flash Flash Flash'

100-110-120 mph

The flashing stops..

'Tap Tap Tap'

Passenger clicks the override window button. Whirr Thunk.

'Excuse me mate. Have you got a light?'

'Are you trying to kill yourself?!1!'

'I only smoke two a day.'

ETC

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Space station cabbage: To boldly grow where no veg has grown before

Camilla Smythe
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Coat

Duh-Oh

"The camera is tuned to identify traces of iron, calcium, magnesium, and sodium from the disintegrating space rock, so that scientists can get a better idea of meteors' chemical composition."

I suppose the camera will tell them that the space rock is composed of iron, calcium, magnesium, and sodium...

"The camera is tuned to identify traces of Tribbles from disintegrating space rock, so that scientists can get a better idea of meteors' Tribble composition."

Oh... perhaps I fixed it for myself. I'll get me hat.

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Abort, abort! Metal-on-metal VIOLENCE as Google's robo-car nearly CRASHES

Camilla Smythe
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Presumably...

Not enough randomness in the adaptive prediction libraries.

Google: Hmm, It's going to move right: I'll move left.

Delphi: Hmm, It's going to move right: I'll move left.

Google/Delphi: Whoa! Fuck!!

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US SaaS firm bows to Snowden concerns with UK-based datacentre

Camilla Smythe
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And there is no orbiting datacenter option why?

Someone took off and nuked it from a higher orbit?

Elsewhere it is turtles all the way down.

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Camilla Smythe
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Perception...

“People here feel the the US government can access it [data held in the US] any given time,” said Novogrodski. “When it’s here, they feel they can’t.”

ssh [email protected]

[email protected] password: BOB^H^H^H

Permission denied, please try again.

[email protected] password: NSA^H^H^H

Access comes with ABSOLUTELY NO WARRANTY, to the extent

permitted by applicable law within the jurisdiction you come from.

Last login: Thu Jun 25 14:16:40 2015 from nsa.gov

Please Type: sudo su for root access

sudo su

root: ls -al

drwxr-xr-x 14 root root 4096 Jun 23 15:53 .

drwxr-xr-x 5 root root 4096 Jun 21 11:47 ..

drwxr-xr-x 4 root root 4096 Jun 11 11:36 .boring stuff

drwxr-xr-x 7 root root 4096 Jun 11 11:36 .highly sensitive stuff

root: cd .h TAB

-

-

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BT: Let us scrap ordinary phone lines. You've all got great internet, right?

Camilla Smythe
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Erm...?

Presumably by scrapping PSTN/POTS BT are suggesting they will be able to cover the entire country with superfast stuff and I will still be able to phone me, 87 year Old, mum, who lives out in 'The Boonies', regularly at 9.00AM of a Friday to check she has not popped her cloggs and I have not scored my inheritance... without being charged 'mobile phone' data rates or having her prematurely converted to Soylent Blue Rinse. Oh, silly me. Past performance.... I assume BT will be re-branding 21CN as 22CN sometime soon.

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As the US realises it's been PWNED, when will OPM heads roll?

Camilla Smythe
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Shit happens...

Extradite Gary McKinnon. Sorted.

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Beyond the Grave: US Navy pays peanuts for Windows XP support

Camilla Smythe
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Hi

Clippy here..

"in the context of the U.S. Navy's 326,00 active personnel"

In the context of the U.S Navy's

> 326,00 Active Personnel

> 326,00 a) i]

Glad to have sorted out your 'bullet points'. Please do carry on.

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Amazon enrages authors as it switches to 'pay-per-page' model

Camilla Smythe
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Erm No...

You see I have not seen 'Broke Back Mountain' which is apparently about Gay Cow Folks and I have not read the book... assuming it exists,

So, Therefore I do not want Amazon knowing I repeatedly return to pages n through n+x where the main characters satiate their innate desires with the male animals in the local barn.

There is something wrong here and I am not convinced it is me.

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The wonderful madness of metrics: Different things to different folk

Camilla Smythe
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What was the Fucking Point of this Article?

"As to if it will ever be fixed, I have my doubts, but stranger things have happened. If, and until then, any customer who doesn’t do due diligence and takes any vendors’ word without doing some fact checking, will have only themselves to blame. ®"

Should I consult a Financial Advisor... The Wheeto's Can Go Round and Round and Not come out Here... We have Advanced to Web 9.0.1

It's your fault that we lied to you, Dumb Fuck.

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Say 'cheese'! Cassini probe ZOOMS IN on Saturn's craggy Dione moon

Camilla Smythe
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Apparently

"The present Black Hole is a result of The Butterfly Effect whereby the clever sods tipped gravity balance and it sort of tumbled into itself"

"Yes. That's all Physics and technical stuff. But did the associated Civilisation develop a sustainable advertising culture before its demise?"

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Supermarket tweet: Twitter ankles balloon in product, places shopping frenzy

Camilla Smythe
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Re: "Here's one from tits 'n' dragons drama"

In News Elsewhere I am slightly disturbed.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R77j9rUuky4

I suppose it is the power of ADVERTISING. I did shift key for that one.

<caps lock>

WHY THE FUCK DO WE HAVE TO LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE FUCKING SLOPPY CLUELESS GITS WHO DO NOT HAVE A FUCKING CLUE ABOUT FUCK DETERMINE OUR FUTURE?

</CAPS LOCK>

</caps lock>

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Camilla Smythe
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"Here's one from tits 'n' dragons drama"

https://twitter.com/GameofThrones/timelines/608393602343944192

No Tits??

.. Pfft back to Blender.

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Chrome, Debian Linux, and the secret binary blob download riddle

Camilla Smythe
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Perhaps someone selse has mentioned..

https://www.privateinternetaccess.com/blog/2015/06/google-chrome-listening-in-to-your-room-shows-the-importance-of-privacy-defense-in-depth/

Given Google is now targeting Linux

Which OS, as a slightly self educated numpty, can I trust before giving up and committing suicide?

http://hightechchat.reocities.com/SoHo/opening/3630/part2/chap23.html

“We must all hang together,

or assuredly we shall all hang separately.”

– Ben Franklin

Pfft I guess that in the general loss of stuff I do not rate.

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BOOM! Stephen Elop shuffled out of Microsoft door

Camilla Smythe
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I'd be slightly concernerned

That Microsoft considers themselves to be a 'too big to fail' bank and will be looking for bail outs having fucked up the plot.

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Beats loudspeaker silenced by Apple after $3bn buyout, report claims

Camilla Smythe
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Re: Streaming tech

"I'm sitll waiting for the iBoob"

Unfortunately someone else already has a patent on the nipple

Hope you were not thinking of using one because Lawyers Fees are more expensive than the TV License.

Bugger... knock yourself out.

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Camilla Smythe
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Re: I hope the woman in the photo gets happy soon

Eh? Please do excuse my naivety..

"no its not because it appears NOT to be of Kelly, and was certainly NOT written with any thought or intent toward her. If the photo is of her then I apologise totally, but - as I pointed out in my last post - the origins of the photo appear to be elsewhere"

So now you are suggesting you respect Kelly but the 'sad looking bint' in the photo might need your subwoofer powered dildo to cheer her up?

"no -try dialing 666, you'll find it more fun. Take that plastic brick out of your handbag first though. It is a brick isn't it?"

No, it's a USB rechargeable Rabbit. Proven technology. Not very good for destroying 'glass houses'.

Presumably your sub-woofer with its Dildo attachment is more ineffective.

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Camilla Smythe
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Re: I hope the woman in the photo gets happy soon

"thanks - but personally I prefer cheesy biscuits"

I have no interest in your propensity to pull single wings from flies and where you put them afterwards or the close association of their final location to your source of cheese for your biscuits.

If you have a problem with attribution and copyright of images then say so in the first place and take it up with the appropriate authorities rather than suggesting you might be Dreg's Gift to machine delivered sexual gratification.

No doubt you have already graduated from concept to implementation and are sitting on your chair with a dildo glued up your arse because it fell off your sub-woofer mid testing.

Do I dial 911 or do I dial 999 or do I just leave you to enjoy it?

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Camilla Smythe
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Re: I hope the woman in the photo gets happy soon

I may qualify for similar but...

"amazing the energy you can develop if you attach the sub-woofer to a vibrator"

Given recent,

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2015/06/10/tim_hunt_sorry_over_science_women_remark/

perhaps we can have the 'have a biscuit icon' in honour of Sir Hunt.

Unfortunately I can only offer a mouldy old Happy Shopper Custard Cream left over from five years after it passed it's 'best before date' without the filling and 3/4 of the biscuit part is missing.

Anyway. Congratulations... Have a biscuit.

However, other than appearing to be good at this journalism stuff no doubt Ms Fiveash also looks hot in Scientific Fetishwear and is therefore capable of multi-tasking which makes you look like some sort of idiot who would not know how to un-install your subwoofer from your Vauxhall Chevette, Glue a vibrator on it and then put things back together in order to come up with an IOT CyberSex machine.

No doubt it would not work but in not working it would go Dr Dre, overheat and burst into flames.

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Unlucky, Palmer: Facebook's going to BAN Oculus pr0n apps

Camilla Smythe
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Feck Feck Feck

https://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en-GB&source=hp&q=memory+sex+scene+headset+mind+link+smoking+death

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOGAEAJ4xJE

Feck Feck Feck

sudo apt-get install -y libav-tools ubuntu-restricted-extras

sudo apt-get install -y libavcodec-extra-54 libavformat-extra-54

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Nobel bro-ffin: 'Girls in the lab fall in love with me ... then start crying'

Camilla Smythe
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Oh..

"I kind of think that beyond the apparent reaction I also get the impression there was an immense amount of tension blown off by some and an immense amount of humour given by others."

And genuine pride...

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Camilla Smythe
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Thanks Stephanie

https://twitter.com/StephEvz43

I am now tired out after a long day of crying with laughter interspersed with multiple wanking sessions reading "your own personalised timeline!" . My waste bin flows over with discarded tissues used for both purposes.

An amazing festival of humour and fetishism.. I will not mention intelligence lest I am considered to be disingenuous although it might be a contributory factor to the "distractingly sexy" equation.

Then again, having attended a 'single sex' Skool I have always had fantasies about the women teachers and more so the 'Lab Assistants'. The Science Masters did not do it for me but when Mrs G or Ms M swished by in their nylon lab coats.

Phwoar!!!

https://twitter.com/StephEvz43/status/608676162492067840/photo/1

"Idk how any men were able to function when I was in this bunny suit and integrating a satellite."

I might be more interested in how many men were able to function 'after' working with you wearing that suit, mask and gloves integrating satellites. Perhaps you are forced to operate on your own in an isolated room to avoid such possible 'mind' cross contamination issues.

More to the point how many men remain functional after your release of what has to be defined as classified weapons grade material?

Having previously been 'contaminated' and whilst I cannot see it. Your bum looks perfect. In particular, using my warped imagination, when clad in that suit. I don't suppose NASA lets you take them home?

Sir Hunt

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_EfW9znJYjw

appears to be unskilled in 'the art'. Both of expressing his experience and recovering from his gaffes both as demonstrated in this case and perhaps in the relationships he was talking about.

I certainly would not be able to talk to a bunch of hot intelligent South Korean women looking to do science, technology, engineering and such stuff without tripping over my tongue.... especially if the job involves playing 'dress up'.

I guess I am just awkward with 'stuff'.

Overstepping the line, assuming he is not beyond salvation, maybe you and 'The Girls' might give the bloke a break and offer him some form of re-education not involving scientific fetish-wear.

I kind of think that beyond the apparent reaction I also get the impression there was an immense amount of tension blown off by some and an immense amount of humour given by others.

You can see I do not do advocacy.... and your phone number would be...

Dial 0800-STEM?

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Brace yourselves: Facebook plans MORE PHP jiggery pokery

Camilla Smythe
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Open Source?

It's always good to involve others in fixing your bugs if they can spot them.

Extend, Embrace & Suffocate.... or something similar.

No doubt it includes 'open source' libraries in order to report back to 'The Mother Ship Fuck Zuck so marketeers/advertisers can play 'suck your data'.

if connect_from_$Device{Slurp_Data, Ignore_User_Choice, $Device}

or some such.

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Facebook ditches HTML mobe future in favour of Zuck-style JavaScript

Camilla Smythe
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Re: Java != JavaScript

"Argh, it has been fixed.

C."

OH MY GOD, You Just Killed The ZuckerFuck? Kudos. Must of been a SPB project. Hope you used encryption supplied from outside the UK.

Blah Anywhere. Fucked up Everywhere.

By the Force of Advertising We Give You More Advertising.

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Facebook tosses creepy Place Tips beacons at stateside retailers

Camilla Smythe
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FUCK OFF!!!

"The Yelp-like service kicks into life when a Facebook user's location-tracking is set to the default 'on' mode and their mobe has Bluetooth enabled."

"Only people who have enabled location services on their phone and have Bluetooth turned on will receive Place Tips from the beacon at your business."

Yo Zuckerfuck. OPT-OUT of my 'on by default kick your wife up the cunt service here' /dev/null

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Stand-up and be counted²: Nerd is the funny word

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OK Google, how much of my life do you observe and disturb?

Camilla Smythe
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Ooooh Luverly

Where do I sign up? <- Duh-Oh.

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Apple: Relax, fanbois! We never meant to read your heart rate during wild wrist action

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Carry On Computing: Ten stylish laptop bags for him

Camilla Smythe
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Just to add to other comments

How Fucking Much!!1!!?

I got my no name 'flight bag' for £15 and would be glad to go 'handbag to handbag' with anyone who thought the stuff you have chosen for this review was worth the money.

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Putting your schlong into the reel-to-reel tape machine is a bad idea

Camilla Smythe
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Give it another few years...

... and you can take the piss out of yourself again for the most recent crop of bollox.

Oh, and go buy a tie with stick on Polo Mints, or the present 'modern' equivalent. Then you can stop bitching about your life being a failure because you were not the right sort of dick head.

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Is your career lacking growth? Become a porn inspector! Hint: It sucks

Camilla Smythe
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http://www.37wan.com

... redirects.

I like the ones where the 'spastic girl' kicks the goose/pig/troll in the head three times and gets lots of gold and swords and stuff.

Lots of fantasy big titted white women as well.

If they stomped on that sort of shit maybe they could sell some LED light bulbs on e-bay that meet claimed lifetime specifications.

Xenophobic. Moi?

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GDS to handle Govt payments? What could possibly go wrong?

Camilla Smythe
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Re: Time to update the acronym dictionary

SPF (Single Point of Failure)

GDS (Gross Distortion of Service)

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Quarterly losses double at Hadoop hawker Hortonworks

Camilla Smythe
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May one enquire...

As to what exactly the fuck is Hadoop beyond the possibility that it is some sort of database shite that deals with bigger than your average database in order to spaff an advert at me for the socks I bought three years ago prior to experiencing amputation at the ankles.... I'll just check which bits got tossed.

-

-

Hmm maybe I can put them on my hands instead of gloves. Damn!!

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ISS 'naut: How we collect our POO and DROP it FLAMING on hapless Earthlings

Camilla Smythe
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Hope she is saving her zero gravity...

Coffee Stained Panties, for sale on.....

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In a galaxy far, far, far away ... Farthest ever star system discovered

Camilla Smythe
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Don't call me Shirley!

"Pic Astronomers at the Keck Observatory in Hawaii say they have spotted the furthest galaxy known to humans – a galaxy 13 billion light years away that formed about 670 million years after the Big Bang."

"EGS-zs8-1 is unusual among very early galaxies in that it's phenomenally bright for its age. It would have taken about 100 million years to form to the size that we see today, and is producing 80 per cent more stars than our own galaxy is at the moment."

How many linguine is that and who do I vote for on Thursday?

Silly me. Don't bother.

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Tesla Powerwall: not much cheaper and also a bit wimpier than existing batteries

Camilla Smythe
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Re: The details and math matter.

"The problem here is that most people don't know how much power they use, or what the alternative product really costs. Also, look at *our* target markets."

http://forums.theregister.co.uk/user/74820/

Anyway, as per the previous, how the fuck do I get if off the wall and put it in my car?

Oh.. silly me. I'm not 'rich enough to ask'.

I'll get me coat.... again.

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Camilla Smythe
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I'll probably have to 'get me coat' but..

How the fuck do you snaffle that one off the wall and stick it in your car?

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El Reg merch tentacle mulls retro LOHAN T-shirt

Camilla Smythe
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Re: ...and

"*Damn the line spacings....I demand ascii art friendly forum postings."

I have to admit the 'prior to assembly' ascii art works for me given this launch in Merca[pton] is taking a bit of time to sort out.

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2015/05/01/jeff_bezos_blue_origins_rocket/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0EIkzHYYm1w

http://i.imgur.com/zyy6rts.png

No shit. Apparently, in Merca[pton], Bezos is allowed to parachute his 'payload' on to the ground from 307,000 feet close to a place that looks a bit like it might blow up if the wind was in the wrong direction and you dropped your load on it whilst Musk has to spunk his 'payload' in the sea.

ITMT the SPB are not allowed to launch a balloon?

Presumably Bezos has pockets for the insurance payouts or might flick the switch on/off govs share of EC if they did not let him party on 'ground' zero. I guess it sucks to be Musk.

Sigh... should have gone with my original idea. Ho-hum.

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Facebook serves up shaved, pierced, tattooed 'butterfly' as CAPTCHA

Camilla Smythe
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Yew!!1!!

I was expecting some creative Labia Art, that would have to hurt, rather than some No Entry bits of Metal headlined by a Gateway To Hell tattoo done by Fat Slob 'Up Close and Personal' Tattoo Bob.

Still.. whatever Paints Your Wagon.

Strange to say this afternoon I uploaded a cat picture to one of the picture hosting services in a misplaced effort to explain html things and then modified the index.html and my browser was redirected to a caching proxy server....

Server: cat factory 1.0

Presumably FaceBook is using their own 'image guessing' software and pictures posted to their own servers in order to create their 'Captchas'.

Hopefully the poster of the Fanny Armoury involved had set their, lack of 'privacy', permissions up to avoid that sort of intrusion.. Then again, apparently not or rather the option was not available or it was ignored.

I hope she sues them.

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Bulging booty bird Kim Kardashian date game biz adds Britney Spears to bottom line

Camilla Smythe
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Glu...?

I suppose the Japanese are a bit weird in respect of... I don't know, apparently they have 'used panty shops'. I'm sure I learned about this from El Reg. Maybe I was living in a different 'Third Life'. They do seem to be 'hot' on the 3D shemale type stuff and gift them with big buttocks as well as well as other larger appendages and Dog Sex in Comics on the underground.

It's all a mystery to me.

Personally speaking I blame Blender and would insist that Mr Camerloon passes some sort of law that gets such FOSS banned along with that nasty encryption stuff.

Anyway it would appear that Chinese Internet Ad Culture is more directed towards 'beat them up' games from WAN37 with big swords beyond the usability of 'Luke' when they are not playing games involving voluptuous women.

sudo apt-get install glu

[sudo] password for bob:

Password1

-

E: Unable to locate package glu

Perhaps I need the Chinese Distro to obtain large female buttocks for face swallowing purposes. I had assumed Glu was a short reference to the same. Obviously the 'local geeks' are not up to speed.

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Rand Paul is trying to murder net neutrality. Is there a US presidential election, or something?

Camilla Smythe
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I agree with Mr Rand..

"The internet has successfully flourished without the heavy hand of government interference. Stated simply, I do not want to see the government regulating the Internet."

He obviously realises the Internet, hopefully I have capitalised that correctly, has flourished under something called RFC whereby people get together and discuss ideas prior to implementing things rather than doing, self interest, ad hoc stuff.

Perhaps he might wish to join 'the process' and pick up the next # to propose getting rid of all the shite that prevents his mates making huge profits rather than pretending to look like a chinless git in jeans without a clue.

HTH

HAND

ETC

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Facebook policy wonk growls at Europe's mass of data laws

Camilla Smythe
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I was once forced to...

Move back down to a 14" TeeVee. CRT no less, but I have to admit it was colour. 3 days later I did not notice the difference.

I suppose from a similar perspective I could live with 'less' of an Internet.

Then again I perhaps have not experienced the 'Full On FaceBook Experience'. I just occasionally come across a 'page' linked from somewhere else.

Do I have to 'sign up' to experience the 'Proper Crack Cocaine' version or would it be the 'same old, same old'?

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