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* Posts by Captain Hogwash

522 posts • joined 23 Feb 2009

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Really... an iKeyfob? Apple continues war on fanbois' pockets

Captain Hogwash
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Re: I can lock all the doors

It's the only way to live.

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Take THAT, hated food! It's OVER, tedious chewing! Soylent strikes back with version 1.1

Captain Hogwash
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Re: "We think Soylent 1.1 is a solid first step"

There doing it in bar form now?

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The Geek Chorus: 'Give MARK ZUCKERBERG all the DATA he wants!'

Captain Hogwash
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Wtf does this have to do with socialism or the Internationale?

I think it's about who owns the means of production.

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Be your own Big Brother: Monitoring your manor, the easy way

Captain Hogwash
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Roll your own

Cheapo Chinese Android tablet bought out of curiosity and hitherto no use found for plus ancient netbook with broken screen (being binned by my sister) plus Zoneminder and some webspace does the intrusion detection well enough. Anything more is just an indulgence (although Zoneminder is a pig to set up.)

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5.5in iPhone 6, iWatch hypegasm: What will Apple reveal - BE the rumour

Captain Hogwash
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A new iPhone (and maybe iPad) which is slightly faster...

...TO THE MAX!!!

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Ferraris, Zondas and ... er, a bike with a 500hp V10 under the saddle

Captain Hogwash
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Re: removing complication

Quite so. Viper powered unicycles are the way to go.

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IT jargon is absolutely REAMED with sexual double-entendres

Captain Hogwash
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You're right

"Perhaps the real reason for ensuring that alert messages are dull is that walking the dog, reaping the corn and churning the milk are actually yet more euphemisms for disgusting sexual practices of which I am blissfully unaware."

A lot of people are rumoured to go "walking the dog" after dark at one of our local beauty spots.

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What could possibly go wrong? Banks could provide ID assurance for Gov.UK – report

Captain Hogwash
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Facepalm

Banks? Trust?

Those who don't learn from history etc.

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Intel goes high-fashion with wearable supermodel

Captain Hogwash
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Damn!

Beaten by an AC.

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CNN 'tech analyst' on NAKED CELEBS: WHO IS this mystery '4chan' PERSON?

Captain Hogwash
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Stop

Re: "Here in the UK..."

...which looks like this: pa##word.

Or so we've been told by disembodied American voices for a couple of decades now.

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Siri: Helpful personal assistant or SERIAL APP KILLER?

Captain Hogwash
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Re: someone else's program

Quite.

Siri, recommend an alternative to Siri.

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MEN WANTED to satisfy town full of yearning BRAZILIAN HOTNESS

Captain Hogwash
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Headmaster

Re: cannibalism

Mortal pains!

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Best shot: Coffee - how do you brew?

Captain Hogwash
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TEA!

TEA!

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Microsoft and HTC are M8s again: New One mobe sports WinPhone

Captain Hogwash
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Re: Surely if HTC had any sense

I see what you did there.

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Cops baffled by riddle of CHICKEN who crossed ROAD

Captain Hogwash
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Re: umm..

To get away from the chicken, er, plucker?

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Why your mum was WRONG about whiffy tattooed people

Captain Hogwash
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Coat

Re: self powering flash-lights

Autocorrect?

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WinPhone's Halo hottie Cortana to hit desktop in next Windows – report

Captain Hogwash
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Re: Am I the only one.....

No. You are not.

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Chomp that sausage: Brits just LOVE scoffing a Full Monty

Captain Hogwash
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Re: and we do not put sugar in our bread

If you use and kind of standard sliced stuff then yes you do. It's loaded with sugar to make it rise fast.

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Anonymous wifi the latest casualty of Russia net neurosis

Captain Hogwash
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Re: What about forriners?

"Also, if you look closely, the freedom of speech in Russia is fairly "democratic" - if you hold an opinion widely shared by the majority - you can pretty much say what you like. The problem is what happens when your opinion diverges..."

Same as the West then. I imagine the majority opinion is probably the one dictated or manipulated by the powers that be too.

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Fiat Panda Cross: 'Interesting-looking' Multipla spawn hits UK

Captain Hogwash
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Sole Yellow

The colour of Lemon Sole?

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Captain Hogwash
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Panda Cross

But what was the panda crossed with?

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Nice computers don’t need to go to the toilet, says Barclays

Captain Hogwash
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Re: Self service checkouts

I'd agree with everything you said if only the damn things worked reliably instead of frequently throwing a fit and refusing to do anything until a member of staff sticks a key in and fiddles about under the hood.

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Banning handheld phone use by drivers had NO effect on accident rate - study

Captain Hogwash
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Re: Pedestrians ... are not controlled by traffic (key is in the word) lights or signs.

That's correct in the UK. I understand it's not correct in the USA and so might not be elsewhere too.

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Unbridled BONKING and rampant ROGERING at YOUR office!

Captain Hogwash
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Megaphone

Re: Electronic devices are a distraction which separates people from each other

Well we need something for god's sake! It may as well be electronic devices.

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Samsung rebrands store as Galaxy Apps, eyes up Google Play customers

Captain Hogwash
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Re: Now, are they planning on having Tizen apps?

My first thought was that Galaxy Apps is likely going to stay Android only and another store will open using whatever name they come up with for their Tizen based range of devices. I hope I'm right but I haven't successfully predicted the future, as it relates to phones, since I said ring tones would eventually be polyphonic.

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The final score: Gramophones 1 – Glassholes 0

Captain Hogwash
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Re: still has 3years to serve

Long enough for you to get to taekwondo red belt then ;-)

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Think Google Glass is creepy? Wait until it READS YOUR MIND

Captain Hogwash
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Big Brother

With enough further development it could be...

useful in providing evidence when trying thoughtcrime cases I suppose.

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You 'posted' a 'letter' with Outlook... No, NO, that's the MONITOR

Captain Hogwash
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Re: [1]Foreign languages are good too.

But it happens mostly, in my experience, with maths.

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Captain Hogwash
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Re: It's a long story.

AKA another article?

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Sorry, chaps! We didn't mean to steamroller legit No-IP users – Microsoft

Captain Hogwash
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Re: nor mine

Fine and dandy it most certainly is not at 12:46BST.

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Trick-cyclists defend Facebook emoto-furtling experiment

Captain Hogwash
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Re: "Are all human interactions deliberately manipulative?"

No but they are believed to be by those with the same mindset as "the only value of art is monetary". To all of those scumbags I say get off my planet and take your filthy, dirty toxic points of view with you.

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Microsoft's anti-malware crusade knackers '4 MILLION' No-IP users

Captain Hogwash
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Flame

Thank you Microsoft

Without your help I would not have seen the light. You have shown me how unreliable my Owncloud server is. You have made aware of the fact that for reliable online services I should choose from the many excellent products available from Microsoft. I am forever in your debt.

</sarcasm>

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London Tech Week: All for the luvvies and the joke's on you, taxpayers

Captain Hogwash
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Re: "They were giving away cocktails, margaritas and tequila sunrises at the end"

Woooosh!

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Captain Hogwash
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Joke

Re: "They were giving away cocktails, margaritas and tequila sunrises at the end"

Yes, working in tech sounds great. I should have done a sociology degree or something instead of this useless maths & computing nonsense.

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The rise of the humans: How to outsmart the digital deluge

Captain Hogwash
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Angel

I'm obviously sub-human

Nonsense!

“Its like a finger pointing away to the moon. Don’t concentrate on the finger or you will miss all that heavenly glory.” - B. Lee

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Smartphone SEX APPS will give you CUPID'S MEASLES - study

Captain Hogwash
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That tricorder app can't come soon enough

That is all.

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Snowden's Big Brother isn't as Orwellian as you'd think

Captain Hogwash
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WTF?

Re: @RyokuMas It's not today's government you need to worry about...

"Sure, a government can lock you up and throw away the key..."

Corporations can do nothing as bad as this if they wish to remain within the law. Governments make the law and can do much worse than this. Furthermore, you are free to not use the services of, for example, Google. You are not free to withhold information from your government. This is basic stuff.

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Captain Hogwash
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Re: @RyokuMas It's not today's government you need to worry about...

@Psyx and an AC or two earlier: You completely missed my point.

"The fact that it shits on people's privacy and rights without actually jailing them doesn't make mass data collection ok, whether it by by grubbiment or corporations."

That is my position also. The point I was making was that a corporation doing it is much less dangerous to an individual's personal liberty than a government doing it.

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Captain Hogwash
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Re: Yeah but what about santa?

On every corner there's a giant metal Santa Claus who watches over us with glowing red eyes.

They carry weapons and they know if you've been bad or good.

Not everybody's good but everyone tries...

with thanks to JoCo

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Captain Hogwash
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FAIL

@RyokuMas Re: It's not today's government you need to worry about...

Heard of anyone being incarcerated or worse by Google lately? That's what I thought.

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Apple is KILLING OFF BONKING, cries mobe research dude

Captain Hogwash
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Mushroom

Re: If there are two things banks hate dealing with it's cash and customers.

That's all the reason I need to stick with cash.

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UK govt preps World War 2 energy rationing to keep the lights on

Captain Hogwash
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Re: The future's bright then...1970s

Lights out, lights out in London...

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Tech talk bloke compares girlfriend to irritating Java tool – did he deserve flames?

Captain Hogwash
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Re: comparing women to objects

In my experience the heterosexual ones usually get their partners to deal with the garbage collection so more like Java objects than C++ ones.

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Monster croc 'the BALROG' tussles with mighty Titanoboa snake

Captain Hogwash
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Re: Which of them played which?

My thoughts exactly.

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Captain Hogwash
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Coffee/keyboard

Re: Are you sure

Wow! Just, wow!

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Queen's Speech: Computer Misuse Act to be amended, tougher sentences planned

Captain Hogwash
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Re: Murder manuals

That's most novels these days it seems. Unless they come from the Mills & Boon tradition.

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The hoarder's dilemma: 'Why can't I throw anything away?'

Captain Hogwash
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Get well soon

Hope it's nothing serious.

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For your next privacy panic, look no further than vending machines

Captain Hogwash
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Hey

John Anderton, you could use a Guinness right about now

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Still using e-mail? Marketers say you're part of DARK SOCIAL

Captain Hogwash
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Re: "smart" water cooler

Full of this stuff for extra traceability?

http://www.smartwater.com/products

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It's Google's NO-WHEEL car. OMG... there aren't any BRAKES

Captain Hogwash
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It begins!

"My uncle has a country place

That no one knows about

He says it used to be a farm

Before the Motor Law..."

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