* Posts by Il Midga di Macaroni

142 posts • joined 17 Feb 2009

Page:

Greener Arctic may be down to lemming poo, not climate

Il Midga di Macaroni
Joke

Aha!

So lemmings jump off cliffs because of climate change?

0
0

Whinging Brits reflect on epic Oz road trip

Il Midga di Macaroni
Pint

Whinge FAIL

I've heard better whinges from locals complaining about it taking too long to bring a glass of red.

0
0

Boeing 787 Dreamliner makes first commercial flight

Il Midga di Macaroni
Pint

Target was exceeded

All the targets outlined at launch time were met or exceeded. IIRC the weight problem was offset by aerodynamic improvements.

0
0
Il Midga di Macaroni
Thumb Up

REALLY flappy

One of the normal tests a new aircraft undergoes is that they take a wing and bend it til it breaks. With the 787 they took it to the full capacity of their hydraulic jacks and it still didn't break - so they asked special permission to skip the test, because they said if it takes that much force to break it the broken piece is going to fly around and puncture something.

0
0

Telstra's branding plans leaked to El Reg

Il Midga di Macaroni
Thumb Up

Service is where it starts and ends

Spot on!

To become Australia's best loved brand, guarantee that the phone will be picked up within 30 seconds, that the IVR system will be two levels deep or less, and that the people in the call centre will be able to solve your problem.

1
0

Ohio man cuffed for shagging inflatable pool raft

Il Midga di Macaroni
Thumb Down

Neither ADD nor autism are an excuse

Both are very common and normal. He just has a problem with not knowing when it's appropriate to beat the meat.

1
0

Here lies /^v.+b$/i

Il Midga di Macaroni
Joke

By peer?

Wouldn't that indicate you were murdered by a member of the House of Lords?

3
0

'Evil' truckie charged with NBN provider attack

Il Midga di Macaroni
Mushroom

Just toast his account, how hard can it be?

All this stuff with criminal charges is pointless. Just toast his account and quietly tip off any other ISPs about his activities, and BOOM, he's out of action.

The IT industry has its own justice, which is faster, simpler and WAY more effective than the court system.

0
0

Canada buys Obama's reject Brit choppers for spare parts

Il Midga di Macaroni
Facepalm

A lesson in standardisation

Let's just settle on a few helicopter types - Bell 412 up to 2t capacity, Black Hawk up to 5t, Chinook above that. Once you have an airframe you can do anything you like with it.

0
1

Is there anything to find on bin Laden's hard drive?

Il Midga di Macaroni
Big Brother

Exactly!

Furthermore, it's not at all unlikely that the US government would be able to gain access to a bank of Crays large enough to crack a 256-bit key within a reasonable timeframe. All it takes is grunt. And all that needs is money.

3
0
Il Midga di Macaroni
Paris Hilton

Porn... mmm.

No, seriously - if there was porn on Osama's hard drive it would tarnish his reputation with his followers. That would actually be a highly effective way of ending the war on terror, if their revered leader was indulging in one of the evil pastimes of the western infidels, what's left to fight for?

It's like the security measure they proposed just after 9/11 - legislate that a stripper be rostered onto every commercial flight. If there's a hijacking, she goes into action. Muslim men aren't allowed to look on the body of a woman, so they'd have to cancel the hijacking. As a bonus, every businessman in the world would want to fly just in case there's a hijacking - free striptease!

Paris because... isn't it obvious?

0
0

Australia might need the NBN, but the OECD data is meaningless

Il Midga di Macaroni
Grenade

Malcolm Turnbull is a waste of perfectly good oxygen

He really is the weakest link in the Opposition. If the nation is to be saved the burden of $50bn of debt, we need a better comms spokesperson - and let's face it, Conroy should be a complete pushover!

0
0

No stranger to the moleskin trouser

Il Midga di Macaroni
Heart

Love it!

Verity if you keep writing like this I'm going to be slapped with an ASBO for excessive loud laughter.

0
0

Australia, give up your fixed broadband!

Il Midga di Macaroni
Thumb Up

Correct

People use landline internet connections because 3G is so expensive. And because coverage is fairly spotty.

BTW, nice username. :D

1
0

South Brisbane residents to get FTTP ahead of NBN

Il Midga di Macaroni
Pint

Exactly!

Telstra should have been split into wholesale and retail at the beginning! That way their wholesale customers aren't competing against their major supplier.

And then Telstra Wholesale could have handled the NBN rollout on their own, we wouldn't need an NBN Co. And they could have done it like this, bit by bit when it needs to be done, which would reduce the price drastically.

Oh, and that $11bn of taxpayer money NBN Co paid to Telstra for the use of the ducts? Yeah.

0
0

South West Trains puts squeeze on commuters

Il Midga di Macaroni
Flame

Get a life!

Out here in the colonies we have 3+2 seating on all our long distance trains (and most of our short distance trains too). And they only go 70mph so they take longer to get there.

I've made the trip to the mother country several times and let me tell you, you have NOTHING to complain about with regard to your trains. Nothing at all.

0
0

ISP proposes independent body to police copyright

Il Midga di Macaroni
Black Helicopters

iiNet are smart, therefore won't succeed

With this paper iiNet have done the impossible - found a solution which isn't ideal but is at least bearable for all parties. It's a very clever idea - and therefore will be rejected by the people who have to make it happen. The IT industry doesn't sit well with legacy institutions like governments.

BTW I'm not employed by iiNet or anything - although I do use them as my ISP and find their tech support excellent.

0
0

Australian utility evaluates EV charging kit

Il Midga di Macaroni
FAIL

You're doing it wrong

Guys, guys, guys! It's much simpler than that! Just make the electric vehicles run off 120-240V 50Hz AC, ship them with a power cord specific to the country, and everyone's problem is solved.

You know, like the way computer manufacturers have done it for years.

DUH.

0
0

BOFH: There's no 'I' in team, but there's a 'u' in suck

Il Midga di Macaroni
Pint

OH&S presents so many opportunities to the BOFH

If the boss ever lasted long enough to learn from his mistakes, or if the higher-ups on the corporate ladder were a little higher up on the evolutionary ladder, someone would eventually decide that the BOFH and PFY really need an extra £10,000 a year expense account for safety-related items. For instance, six beers at each lunchtime would prevent users from annoying them, thus reducing user fatalities. It's a small price to pay!

Also, the company safety manuals should be rewritten. The #1 rule of computing is DON'T HASSLE THE BOFH. It should be written in 36pt type on page 1 of the safety manual. And in 18pt type at the bottom of every other page.

0
0

Greece tells Siemens it wants damages

Il Midga di Macaroni
Paris Hilton

Of course it won't hurt Greece's debt levels will it?

Make a multinational pay a stack of euros into the treasury, that's a good way to inject capital into debt-ridden Europe.

Paris because she's in Europe too.

0
0

Aussies demand Poms cough up first 'Australia' map

Il Midga di Macaroni
Pint

Students, politicians and academics? Smells like trouble.

Come on Poms, surely you have groups of students, politicians and academics that come up with idiotic ideas? And you wouldn't want us to think the whole country felt the same way?

If you lot want to send the map over for a touring museum for the anniversary of Flinders' death I reckon that'd be a nice gesture. But in 2015 you can take the bloody thing back again, I don't want to have to pay the power bills for the climate controlled room it has to live in.

And of course if you don't want to come to the party we'll just send Warnie over to beat your whole cricket team single handed. And have affairs with half your female population.

Beer because I can't be bothered arguing.

3
3

'NBN is like a bathroom' says opposition, BCA agrees

Il Midga di Macaroni
Flame

The NBN isn't even worth building!

$43 billion is the figure that's been thrown around, and the rationale behind it is so rubbery (as well as being kept out of view of the public) that industry people are saying it'll be something like $10bn on top of that.

And for what? I know we keep hearing about doctor's consultation rooms via webcam and online education - but really, it's mainly going to be used for streaming movies and BitTorrent.

In any case, none of that NEEDS fibre-to-the-home. If we spent even $5bn extending the quality connections currently available only in big cities out to the country we'd have all we need.

0
0
Il Midga di Macaroni
Thumb Down

Are you bloody kidding?

It was because they were half hearted in opposing it that they didn't get in at the last election!

0
1

Google Apps contracts promise no 'scheduled downtime'

Il Midga di Macaroni
Pint

You didn't read the article!

They can promise no scheduled downtime *to the end user* because they have redundancy across multiple data centres. Anyone who knows anything about networking has looked at Google's operation purely because it's a brilliantly elegant way of taking reliability past that seemingly impossible 99.95% barrier.

For my operations, the only outages I'm afraid of are the ones that originate in the browser - since Google Docs is Java heavy, and most implementations of Java are leaky in the extreme, it's possible for my people to get major problems if they don't close and reopen the browser every few hours. If Mozilla, Opera, Safari, Chrome et al could lick that problem they'd have done humanity a real service.

Beer because it's Saturday out here in Australia.

3
3

The Girl with the NSObject Class Reference tattoo

Il Midga di Macaroni
Pint

Happy New Year Verity!

Thanks. Have a beer or three.

0
0

Google aims Nexus S smartphone at US, UK

Il Midga di Macaroni
WTF?

HD is overrated anyway

People go ga-ga over HD because it's big and clear and all that. But really, that doesn't apply to a phone screen! 16:9, 15:9, 4:3, what's the difference?

0
0

SMOKIN' HOT BABE gets job as computer geek

Il Midga di Macaroni
Paris Hilton

Spot on

Exactly - and don't stop there. Where's her set of mini screwdrivers?

Paris because - isn't it obvious?

0
0

BOFH: BOFH vs Bot: Ultimate Smackdown

Il Midga di Macaroni
Grenade

I spy strangers!

Looks like we have a manager in the house... someone get a fire going and heat up the tar, I'm just going out to the chooks coop to look for feathers.

Any IT person who accepts a position in management has ipso facto admitted that they were never a true IT person in the first place. The wiring of the brain that makes a person good at programming (or actually anything IT) also makes a person a bad manager - and vice versa.

1
0

Facebook set to unveil 'Gmail killer'

Il Midga di Macaroni
Flame

If they want any market penetration at all...

... they'd better work on the reliability of their code. Facebook beats every piece of software I've ever worked with (bar one accounting package which had just been hastily recoded - shoddily - to handle networks, back when they were a novel concept) for the sheer pervasiveness of its weird bugs and inconsistencies. I've never actually lost data, but I've been given false-negative notifications of its existence countless times.

2
0

BOFH: Join the club

Il Midga di Macaroni
Pint

What a line!

Ironing out bugs - with a #2 Iron.

Simon, if you ever run short of beer you can rely on me for several.

1
0

Microsoft, Adobe merger? Yeah, right

Il Midga di Macaroni
Gates Horns

Won't happen

Remember they tried to get hold of Yahoo too?

0
0

Android is turning a profit for Google

Il Midga di Macaroni

Smartphone mania is growing

We know internet usage from phones is growing at a fairly incredible rate, and that Android devices are out-performing the market in growth rate. Surely that pretty well adds up to what Schmidt is saying?

0
0

iPhone makes many Aussies late/early for work

Il Midga di Macaroni
Joke

Do I have to be the first to say it?

I come from a land down under, whose kangaroo-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think iPhones are a pretty neat idea.

0
0

Google open sources JPEG assassin

Il Midga di Macaroni
Gates Horns

Optimistic much?

*Transitional* support by 2020, full support projected for 2035. And then dropped in 2021.

10
1

Schmidt: Google is the 'inverse' of Apple

Il Midga di Macaroni
Gates Horns

It's a design philosophy

Back when Apple were Motorola-based there was a joke that went "Using a Mac is like shaving with a bowling pin. Using Windows is like juggling with razors."

That's still basically true - the Apple philosophy is to close things up in order to ensure security and reliability. It's not perfect, of course, but it is a significant safeguard against the kind of instability Windows is famous for. The problem is, preventing rogue programs from taking the system down means preventing some things that the user actually wants.

The open philosophy says that if you point a gun at your foot and pull the trigger, it will shoot you. It is therefore your responsibility to know what you're aiming your gun at before pulling the trigger.

Apple's philosophy is perfect for the 99% of people who just want to browse the web, read emails and write documents. The 1% of people who actually know what they're doing on a computer should use a more open system.

Notice that this leaves 0% of the market for Windows, which is a closed system without any of the protection Apple gives. Sorry Micro$oft.

0
0

Fibre broadband is good for you, Conroy tells Aussies

Il Midga di Macaroni
Paris Hilton

Right theory, wrong conclusion

Conroy's plan is for fibre to the home - every home is to be connected to the fibre optic network. That's why it's $43bn.

I'd have no problem with a high speed backbone and a good network of wireless towers. That's pretty much what the Opposition's plan is, actually...

Conroy because... I mean, Paris because she has $43bn to blow (sic) on white elephants.

0
0

Apple as a religion: How the iPhone became divine

Il Midga di Macaroni
Linux

Style over substance

The Apple difference is that it values style over substance. Compare any Apple product (computer, phone, music player, etc) against a non-Apple device of comparable performance. The Apple version will usually be between 25% and 75% more expensive.

Apple have always, since the first Macintosh computers, been visually-oriented - they invented the Graphical User Interface which was then copied by Microsoft to become Windows which has destroyed the productivity of computer professionals the world over. And just look at the "Get a Mac" series of ads - they portray the creation of a photo book as the world's highest achievement, while the running of a spreadsheet (which may even do useful work for a business near you) is treated as an activity for desperate losers.

If there's any common trait among users of Apple products, it's an eye for style and a weakness for group-think. Apple is on par with the makers of luxury cars, designer clothes and contemporary art.

3
5

Aussie broadband is slower than a slow thing in a slow town

Il Midga di Macaroni
Stop

NBN is a dead duck

$43bn to deliver a fibreoptic cable to every premises - sounds fine. But they're going to charge accordingly - so most people will find it unaffordable. It's never going to happen.

What they need to do is renationalise the infrastructure (ducts, cable, etc) from the government-department-cum-private-company-with-most-shares-still-owned-by-the-government and upgrade them, and then hire that out to resellers on a pay-per-megabyte basis. Hopefully that way we get some actual competition in the market and the service will get better.

1
0

Firefox joins Microsoft in uncool kids class

Il Midga di Macaroni
Paris Hilton

Gratitude is short lived

Winston Churchill found out just after the war that even an overwhelming tide of gratitude for the past won't ensure security for the future. Firefox saved us from Death By Microsoft, but that doesn't change the fact that it takes at least 3500 milliseconds to open. Chrome starts in a few blinks of the eye. The "cool kids" (in the IT world I mean, the alpha geeks) have brains that fire VERY quickly, and to them, 3500ms is long enough to get bored. When geeks get bored, Bad Things happen.

Paris because Chrome renders her well.

4
2

Apple reckons light shines between iPhone customers' ears

Il Midga di Macaroni
Joke

April the 1st was some time ago

But better late than never. Good thinking, whoever came up with it.

0
0

US $250m superbomber 'almost as good' as $8m robot

Il Midga di Macaroni

The B-1 was designed when there were no drones

When the B-1 was designed, unmanned aircraft technology was still the stuff of sci fi. It's almost guaranteed that a new generation of technology is going to bring cheaper and better systems. The guy is simply saying that the B-1 is not the right system for this theatre of war.

1
0

BOFH: Risky business

Il Midga di Macaroni
Pint

BOFH is back!

The Dynamic Duo have returned. The BOFH is none the worse for having been dead for a few episodes, and the PFY is none the worse for having been given the poisoned chalice.

Individually, they can do each other an incredible amount of harm. Together, they can not only wage a holy (and successful) war against the bureaucracy, but cover each other's tails too.

Simon, just in case you're still sober enough to drink it after all the other readers have said this, have a beer on me.

Come to think of it, I'll have one myself too.

0
0

Google to Commies: We’ll make censorship illegal

Il Midga di Macaroni
Linux

Please succeed. Please.

Of course it will take another ten years for the WTO to put pressure on countries like China to stop censoring, but in the meantime, people like Mr Conroy who want to start censoring Australia's internet users will sit up and take notice.

3
1

Aussies face 10 year browsing lock-up

Il Midga di Macaroni
Thumb Up

"The corks on his hat have become rubber stamps"

Sir, you have an awesome turn of phrase. That's all.

0
0
Il Midga di Macaroni
FAIL

"Consulted broadly" with the telecomms industry?

Based on past history, that means Mr Conroy rang up one of Telstra's government relations people and said "Yeah we're thinking of doing this, would you people object to it? How about if I threatened your job if you didn't comply? Good, thanks."

0
0

X-51 hypersonic scramjet test: Flameout at Mach 5?

Il Midga di Macaroni
Headmaster

F-111s lost over Vietnam?

Six was the figure. Yes technically it *is* a number but your statement was misleading.

BTW there's a hyphen in F-111. It's an American concept, foreign to the British forces. But then so is the concept of a supersonic swing wing bomber with more range than any other save the B-1.

Farewell F-111s. You will be missed.

0
1

X2 triple-twirly speedcopter approaching 180 knots

Il Midga di Macaroni
Go

Slower rotors = less vibration

An active damping system isn't perfect, so it's a good thing vibration will be lower too. Of course running an engine at low revs and high torque isn't usually all that good for it (unless your name is R-2800 and you're trying to do an eight hour patrol in a P-47) but no doubt modern engine metallurgy will offset that problem.

Every technology has its Achilles Heel, whether it's the Rotodyne, the Cheyenne, the V-22 or this. The only question is which design can be engineered to the point where its Achilles Heel is pushed far enough towards the edges of its performance envelope that it can perform its mission.

0
0

Oz customs search lappies and mobes for smut

Il Midga di Macaroni
Coat

No no Conroy, you misunderstand me!

Damn damn damn! When Senator Bloody Conroy said that his internet filter was the same as restricting the sale of illegal stuff, I told him "No it's not, it's like searching everyone who comes into the country to see if they're carrying any illegal stuff".

It seems he took that comment the wrong way.

Election time is coming. For my next trick, I will make Senator Conroy disappear. Can I have 21 million volunteers from the audience to join me in this polling booth?

Mine's the one with the Labor party how-to-vote card in the pocket. I need a humour fix.

3
0

'Completely useless' Windows 3.1 hits Google's Android

Il Midga di Macaroni
Thumb Up

I like this guy McHenry.

He has a good sense of humour and a good sense of coolness.

0
0

Was Microsoft's Office 2010 worth killing Clippy?

Il Midga di Macaroni
Joke

Nothing but Word?

You should have abandoned them in disgust, after sending them a well thought out email (wrapped up in asbestos for safety). There is no excuse for that sort of behaviour. Rape and murder are one thing, but forcing people to use Office? Whole new league of awfulness.

3
0

Page:

Forums