* Posts by Luis Ogando

137 posts • joined 16 Jan 2009

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Futurama back from dead again

Luis Ogando
Heart

Is it just me or....

.. does anyone else find Leela strangely alluring....

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Mars projected to collide with Earth

Luis Ogando
Coat

May I Be The First...

....to welcome our apocolypse-bringing Red Planet overlord...

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Miles EV unveils first e-car

Luis Ogando
Thumb Up

I Like It, But...

Looks nice. About what you'd expect from a family saloon, but, once again, the price is well high. I know this is new tech and all that, but we're in a flippin' recession. Surely cheaper options could be employed.

And there appears to be a petrol cap*. Can't they hide it to make it look even more electrical-powered?

*Yes, I know it's probably where you plug it in, but, come on.....

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Boffins boil down witch-repelling brew

Luis Ogando
Alert

Hmm..

My history's not perfect, but I'm sure there was massive drop in broomsticks towards the end of the 17th Century.

Can't all be coincidence....

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Wiltshire welcomes clutch of Great Bustards

Luis Ogando
Thumb Up

How many..

...times can someone mention 'Bustard' in such a short story..?

Anyway, that aside, can I be the first to welcome our newly introduced, slightly-naughty-sounding-named, ornithological overlords.. etc..

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Sony shows off PS3 motion-control magic wand

Luis Ogando
Stop

Horses For Courses

'Gimmick' seems to be the word here. The Wii is nowhere near as powerful as the PS3 or Xbox 360, but it sells in droves because darn thing is so playable - particularly on a social level. It's also proved itself to be immense fun. Also on a social level. This is due, almost totally, to the accessibility of its control method. Sony & MS have spent huge sums of money developing controllers that their users find intuitive and usable and, personally, that's good enough for me.

My main console is a PS3 and I enjoy sitting on my fat arse wiggling my thumbs, but if I want to wave my arms around when playing games I'll just crank up my Wii.... Ho hum..

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Royal Navy trials 'paging system' for submarines

Luis Ogando
Coat

Texting is next

Evolutionarily speaking, the next step will be texting. Will the sub captains be taught how to use correct txtspk? I can see it now:

Subman1: "Yo! chk out my snr on tht Redsub :D"

Deepboy200: "I jst fired a n00k @ his a$$ *lol*"

Subman1: "Init! U r sooo c0000l!"

Mine's the one with the built-in aqualung!

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Website liable for Google-generated page summary

Luis Ogando
Stop

Idiocy

I remember, way back when the Internet was accessed through modems and only available in sepia-tone, the de-facto response to anyone who claimed 'they read it on the Internet' was, 'you shouldn't believe everything you read on the Internet!'

Seems now we are expected to believe content that's not even generated by humans.....

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Egyptian cuts off todger to spite his face dad

Luis Ogando
Joke

Maybe....

...he was in de-Nile!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

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Official next-gen PlayStation Portable details leaked

Luis Ogando
Thumb Up

Nice

Looks nice to me. My PSP1000 is still going well, but is a little bulky, so this may be a good replacement. Shame about the UMD, though. I've got a rackload of movies for those flights to and from Germany. Suppose I'll have to dump them to Memory Stick.

“something you play for 15 minutes and then put down”. - This is a complete load of tosh! I don't think this guy knows what the hell he's on about. I put in a good hour or so in one sitting and that's nothing compared to my nephews, who have an unnerving ability to glue themselves to PSPs and DSs for bleedin' hours!

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Fans decry tennis gal's breast-slash plan

Luis Ogando
Thumb Up

Services

Well, in an act of TOTAL selflessness, I'd like to offer my services as her personal Jub-restrainer. I'll run around behind her, offering full support from my (pre-warmed) cupped palms to ensure her wubbas don't boing around too much.

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Beeb names new Who companion

Luis Ogando
Coat

Ugh!!

"funny, and clever, and gorgeous, and sexy. Or Scottish, which is the quick way of saying it."

So, he has the same feelings for Gordon Brown, does he....?

Mines the one with the sickbag in the pocket...

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World's first electric jet ski surfaces

Luis Ogando
Stop

Firstly...

Jetski is a model of personal watercraft manufactured by Kawasaki. So this isn't, technically, a Jetski (so there!). </pedant>

Secondly, if a 'Jetski' (sigh) is going to run you over it makes no odds to the nimrod at the controls how much noise it makes, unless it drowns out (no pun intended) the hapless swimmer's screams of impending doom. At 50mph even an olympic swimmer would have trouble getting out the way.

Perhaps Raggies need to get off their friggin' high horses and realise they own about as much of the World's oceans as everyone else and stop bickering about such new-fangled monstrosities....

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Boffins develop interstellar alien ocean-spotting tool

Luis Ogando
Alert

Water

So, basically, scientists are looking for lifeforms that exhibit the same traits as Earth-originated lifeforms; that is to say, they must require, or originate from, water.

What about lifeforms based on other elements or compounds? What about lifeforms that can only survive in pools of liquid Hydrogen, for example? There's plenty of planets cold enough for that!!

Perhaps NASA just want lifeforms on planets the Americans can send soldiers, politicians and McDonald's franchisees to....

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Nork nuke quite a lot less powerful than Hiroshima

Luis Ogando
Paris Hilton

Nork Nuke??

Phew! I thought someone had invented a booby bomb or something.

Paris, 'cos she's got explosive norks, too (I think).

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Boffins teach football bots how to fall

Luis Ogando
Coat

Waterproof

Are these footybots going to be waterproof? I mean, they'll all start to short-circuit and explode in the after match bath otherwise.

Also, is anybody inventing a droid of questionable intent to offer themself up as the robo-soap-finder, too?

...perhaps I ought to stop watching late night Channel 5....

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Women coppers eager to drop trousers

Luis Ogando
Paris Hilton

Solution

Simple solution. Just get a load of the hotpant-styled WPC outfits left over from the Benny Hill show. This will also prevent ne're-do-wells from running away too quick (unless accompanied by piped version of Yackety Sax, of course).

Maybe they'd like me to 'take something down in evidence!' Fnaar!

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Jobsian cult indoctrinates American children

Luis Ogando
Joke

Microsoft

Microsoft ran a similar thing. You could go along from 9am 'til noon and watch a Windows pc start up. Unfortunately, after that, there was no time left to do anything else...

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Sony eyes smile, smirk-controlled music phone

Luis Ogando
Happy

Nookie?

What happens if you're 'on the job' with the missus? Depending on speed, motion, orientation and wardrobe height your facial expression will contort phenominally. What will the Walkman play then?? Gary Moore? Shane McGowan? Kylie??

Also, you've got a graphic of a bloke smiling while his 'phone plays Bruce Springsteen!! I mean, FFS, make the sodding picture believable!!!

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DSGi sells Hungarian biz for €1

Luis Ogando
Joke

Warranty

Did DSGi then try to sell them an extended warranty for the business??

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Swivel-shed v polar stilt-scope in Big Bang boffinry clash

Luis Ogando
Coat

Cold??

So, basically, one of them's in a place CALLED Chile, and the other is in a place THAT IS chilly!!

hahahaha..... <sigh>

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Greece grounds Google's Street View fleet

Luis Ogando
Flame

Who Cares...?

...Really?? Who does? Every day millions of people read FREE local newspapers with PICTURES of their local area. The minute their street is on the local news they cheer as if they've become international media superstars. But the minute a good bandwagon trots up they're all on like flies round a dog-turd!

Why don't these self-obsessed, under-stimulated, over-reactive, attention-seeking excuses for society turn their efforts to something slightly more important? There's all manner of crises going on in the World at the moment; why not try and fight famine, war or homelessness? No-one really gives a shit about the road you live on anyway!

@Google - You can photograph my house as much as you like. No-one will bother to look FFS!

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Cops collar Russian punting dog dressed as lamb

Luis Ogando
Coat

HOT DOG!!

Come on... Someone had to say it..

OK... I'll get my coat....

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Facebook denies denying Holocaust deniers

Luis Ogando
Thumb Down

Freedom Of Speech

Yes, we all have freedom of speech. Glad we have. But this DOESN'T mean we have freedom of speech on EVERY forum. Perhaps Facebook have the freedom of speech to say 'NO' to certain people. <sigh>

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Apple: No Jesus on the Jesus Phone

Luis Ogando
Heart

@ AC - iPhone sucks (again)

"iPhone users have small penises. 'nuff said."

And you know this HOW, exactly...?

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Doro PhoneEasy 338gsm

Luis Ogando
Stop

Cost

I like the idea of this, but if it really is aimed at the elderly shouldn't the price be a bit lower? 100 quid seems a little steep to me.

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Tram driver crashes while texting

Luis Ogando
Paris Hilton

Failed to turn up

So he failed to turm up to a hearing on the Sunday. Looking at the passengers who weren't at the front of the tram (train/trolley/whatever) I'm surprised he made it at all!!

But, this IS the US, so he'll get a massive payout from whatever mobile (cell) company he uses, as well as the manufacturer of his phone for not letting him text quick enough AND all the tram manufacturers having to re-write their operating manuals to include the bit about NOT texting when your driving.

Paris, 'cos she's been shunted in the rear, I'll bet!!

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Brown red in face after blusher found in cab

This post has been deleted by a moderator

ID scheme will cost £400m annually

Luis Ogando
Stop

Passports?

While working over here in Germany I noticed that all my German friends and colleagues fly to and from the UK with just their ID cards. They fit in their wallets and negate the necessity for a passport. Oddly, when I ask what benefits they have for travel outside of the EE, they run out of argument.

The size difference between an ID card and a passport is insignificant, unless you INSIST on keeping it in your wallet (or, buy a bigger wallet?). Anyhow, a drunken chav with an IQ matched only by his shoe-size can understand that the British People want a little more for their 400M than our government are (falsely) promising in the way of a passport-free nirvana!!

Roll on the next Marxist candidate... It'll be an improvement (particularly if it's Groucho).

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OpenOffice 3.1 ready to lick Microsoft's suite?

Luis Ogando
Go

OS X and Ubuntu..

Hmm.. I'd like to think OO has the grunt to take on M$O, but using M$O on my Mac just seems to be slicker and easier. In fact, my Mac version seems more accessible than the version on my works pc, so I can't see me swapping over on my main computer in the foreseeable.

I use OO on my Acer Aspire One, though and I think it's great. Perfect for my requirements and in-line with the whole open-source ethos. Perhaps it's just stigma, but I feel more comfortable working with software I've paid for. Maybe a little more time with OO on the 'One will change my mind...

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Victoria Principal 'pulled pistol' on maid

Luis Ogando
Paris Hilton

Er...

Isn't pointing a gun at someone and announcing your intention to kill them a crime automatically punishable with a custodial sentence? If this story is true (we all know how the Americans like to 'elaborate' somewhat) then the former Dallas wash-up needs a spell in the Big House.

She used to be quite fit in her day. If she's kept her looks she'll be VERY popular in some areas of chokey....

Paris, 'cos I'd like to point my (yoghurt) gun at her (fnaar!!).

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Car-prang secretary bites off boss's todger

Luis Ogando
Joke

Flacid

This is not too impressive. I mean, if some of the birds in my office were doing that to be I'd be like an iron flippin' bar! If they chomped down they'd probably break their teeth!!

<\uberBrag>

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Hot young guys whip out their throbbing iPhones

Luis Ogando
Thumb Down

Hardcore Beefcake..?

Stone me! If THAT is an example of a 'hardcore beefcake' then I'm applying for the next Mr Universe competition.

Seen more bloody beef in a vegetarian sausage!!

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Department of Homeland Security to destroy swine flu victims

Luis Ogando
Go

Hooray!!

Three cheers for America!! Thank God that they are here to protect us from all evils and act as fair, unbiased, non-paranoid police for the whole planet. Our world would be rubbish without them telling us, quite rightly, how fantastic they are and how we are all better off letting them rule us as they do.

God bless them, each and every one!

</tongueInCheek>

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DSGi plans £310m rights issue

Luis Ogando
Thumb Down

Surprising?

DSGi has been on a gradual decline for years. Gone are the heady days of the 80s when it was a major player on the highstreet with over 1,000 stores across 5 businesses (Dixons, Curry's, Supasnaps, Mastercare, and then, later, PC World). They constantly shunted boxes out of stores with little regard for customer service, a knife-point approach to extended warranties and an almost impossible returns policy.

Like our housing market, they got greedy, over-ambitious and cocky. And now the unfortunate folk paying for it are the sacked workers, while the Top Floor Fatties bail with BIG pay-offs.

DSGi makes even eBay an attractive place for 'quality' products!

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LoTR fan film set for net premiere

Luis Ogando
Thumb Up

Looks Good

The trailer on the BBC website looks pretty good. And let's face it, you may end up enjoying the film instead of wondering where the hell that last 3 hours of your life went with the Jackson jobs!!

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Euro space 'scopes go for 14 May launch

Luis Ogando
Paris Hilton

Acronyms

What? Who comes up with these acronyms?? Why do we not have a Nebula Observation Belt? Or a Far Away Reflective Telescope?? Or even a Primary Infra-red Space Spectrometer??

I think there should be a think tank for this.

Paris, 'cos she's got a Bright Energy Analogous Vector Enhancement Ray (or something)!

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Peugeot preps 4WD diesel hybrid

Luis Ogando
Go

Not just off-road, y'know

"Though, like most soft-road vehicles, the 3008 Crossover is probably no more likely be driven up a mountain than it is to be driven on Mars."

True, but all the 4x4 cars I've driven have been so much better in icy and wet conditions and only twice have I ever tried to drive one up the side of a mountain!!

Now, if the 'leccy bit was used as primary drive for reversing, that would be good.

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Edison Chen sex snap thief found guilty

Luis Ogando
Thumb Up

@ Who the flip...

"What kind of duffus then puts those images on their hard drive in an unencrypted form ? What kind of super-duffus takes their laptop to get repaired knowing those images are on the hard drive in an unencrypted form ?"

Er.. Gary Glitter...?

Still, getting death threats for photographing yourself with actresses and singers just goes to show the cultural divide. Here is the UK we'd have given the bloke a medal. Perhaps a peerage if he'd posted them on his own website!!

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Star Trek halted by pig plague

Luis Ogando
Paris Hilton

Angels & Demons Solutions

If you REALLY want to see Angels & Demons ahead of the release date, simply get The DaVinci Code on DVD from your local Blockbusters.

Both stories start almost exactly the same way and, once you fall asleep, you won't need (or want) to see the rest!

Paris, 'cos her Angel's been Demon'd a fair few times (allegedly).

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Pudsey Bear refused UK passport

Luis Ogando
Thumb Down

Private Life??

"It is unnecessary interference from a public authority in Mrs Bear's private life that is in breach of her human rights."

So that's the private life that raised over 4 grand and gets her splattered across various news sites..... hmm.

Still, I think the IPS should still give her a passport. The name's no more frivolous than Eileen De Bont, which is an anagram of Binned Eel Toe after all!!

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Swedish factory fined $3,000 for robot attack

Luis Ogando
Happy

@AC 'I Shouldn't Laugh..'

You know, if you've got a Wii and go to the Mii parade thing, you can grab the Miis by their heads and shake them about a bit.

Perhaps this is what the bloke looked like.... Now I'm chuckling too!

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London gym floors hoodies with Chav Fighting classes

Luis Ogando
Stop

@ Alain Moran

Alain. It's people like YOU that have succesfully removed humans' God-given right to laugh at themselves as well as others. Well done. Feel free to languish in you 'holier-than-thou' ambience and enjoy the (very limited) amount of reaction this retort has afforded you.

Glad to be of service.

You twat!

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Pork industry in 'swine flu' tag beef

Luis Ogando
Paris Hilton

Not Surprised

Once the sensationalist media jump onboard it's Bandwagon Panic City!!

I remember during the Mad Cow epidemic that threatened to reduce the entire bovine-feasting population of Earth to quivering rabble, US visitors not buying Arran sweaters in case they caught the disease.

Still, look on the bright side, all the more bacon for everyone else!

Paris, 'cos I bet she's got vertical bacon (fnaar fnaar!!)

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Boffins pump out pop-up touchscreen

Luis Ogando
Paris Hilton

PR0N!!

Yes, yes, YES!!

Can't wait for this to be available for use with those internet sites I keep visiting...

Paris, 'cos she's definitely been pumped up a few times!!

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Strumpets strut Spain's Street View

Luis Ogando
Thumb Up

Arse Obscuring

'although its arse-obscuring tech clearly needs some fine tuning'

Er... NO, it doesn't.!! But I wouldn't mind fine-tuning those colos buenos!!

EL-PHWWOOAARRR!!

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Musician dumps instruments for iPhone

Luis Ogando
Thumb Down

MIDI

Hmmm..... to be honest, even the iPhone is more powerful than what is actually required to produce half-decent backing. If he uses a MIDI interface with the iPhone as a sequencer then the couple of thousands of pounds worth of equipment in the background will make perfectly listenable music. My mate's band still use an Amiga 600 with Octamed for their live backings. Mind you, it is connected to a load of magic boxes that cost more than my fugging car!! Still, if he just shoves a couple of iPhones up to a microphone and manages to pull off a decent gig, then more power to him. It'll probably still be more entertaining than watching a load of middle-aged men trying to look sexy!! I mean, why the hell doesn't Mark Owen just quit. At least he's got half a pocketful of charisma. The rest are just boring! Gary Barlow may be the 'song-writing talent' but he's got the personality of a British Rail worker. And the other two (Howard and Jason??) are just hanging on for grim death. Put 'em down now, before it's too late!!!

<sigh>

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Swiss woman rolled over Facebook

Luis Ogando
Go

A Little Harsh

OK, despite the fact that she could have had numerous warnings and disciplinaries up to that point, getting the sack is a bit extreme. If she was caught chucking a sickie because she didn't want to work then the company has at least some responsibility to find out why. Perhaps a final written warning would be in order, but not marching orders.

I reckon she was on the way out anyway for being a cr4p employee!

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Interstellar Bebo spamgasm targeted at 'water world'

Luis Ogando
Alien

Gravity..

Er... Land-dwelling lifeforms could exist in seven times Earth's gravity. They would just evolve to take the extra forces into account. If (or WHEN!!) our gravity-loving overlords arrive on our humble speck of rock, they would feel nice and light and, eventually, start to weaken - as Earth astro/cosmonauts do in space - thus making it easy for Earth's resistance fighters to regain control.

Don't know the maths for water-based sentients, but you can bet your bottom dollar that they've got big teeth and eat Loch Ness Monsters for brekkie!

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Start-up Bee pledges 'affordable' British e-car

Luis Ogando
Thumb Up

More Like It

This is more like it. A 'leccy car that's (1) not a stupid price, and (2) looks reasonably normal.

I'm just worried about exactly how much information will be 'sent back' through the 3G link. All that's required is distance and time for the black 'copters to send out speeding tickets left, right and centre for those occasions when you have to overtake an artic in a 40 limit.

Other than that, I like it.

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