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* Posts by Evil Auditor

1387 posts • joined 13 Jan 2009

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Down-under record: Australian gets $140k for pussy

Evil Auditor
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Trollface

Re: Sounds fair

If you want the pussy, you need a bigger kitty.

Here, fixed that for you

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Evil Auditor
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Re: special place in Hell reserved for this guy

And what kind of cretin pays $140k for a cat? (I know the calculation is a bit far-fetched, but never mind)

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Batman in the frame to take on Steve Jobs

Evil Auditor
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At least we know there won't be a sequel, don't we?

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LOHAN crash lands on CNN

Evil Auditor
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Re Lester Haines

Agreed. But hey, at least now we know Lester's age! (If by any chance she got that right)

Although I'm not sure if Lester agrees with the other attributes given to him: burly and bald. Are you, Lester?

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World govts elect Swiss big cheese as their new ICANN point man

Evil Auditor
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Happy

@ Donotunderstandwhatthismeans

Your handle refers to the article, I hope.

ps.

Congratulations to Thomas Schneider!

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Influential scribe Charles Petzold: How I figured out the Windows API

Evil Auditor
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Re: Thank you Mr. Petzold

I totally agree with you! Problem is, I don't remember which of his books I used. But it's funny, after all those years in which I haven't touched any Windows programming, to finally see a person behind this then omnipresent name Petzold.

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Here's your chance to buy an ancient, working APPLE ONE

Evil Auditor
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Re: "can't even send a tweet?"?

@Martin-73

No, downvotes simply because it's jake.

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Evil Auditor
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Re: "can't even send a tweet?"?

Once the prices of ol' computer kit advances into spheres usually occupied by the contemporary art market, we'll soon see similar side effects, i.e. jakes producing forgeries. Here we already have the suitable provenance: ... booted up in August by Apple expert Corey Cohen. It must be real!

So jake, what you need besides a few $100 for the parts, is a Corey Cohen to attest it's origin. (Hint: at least in the art market such "experts" can be convinced to render the expert opinion you're looking for. Shouldn't be such a problem with computers...)

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Foxconn exec on iPhone 6: You're BENDING it WRONG

Evil Auditor
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Re: Zen of Apple

Nah, he'd say you're holding it wrong!

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HOT BABES! Worried you won't get that JOB in IT? MENTION how hot you are

Evil Auditor
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Trollface

Re: Did I miss the bit about attractiveness?

I can only guess that from the point of view of a poor tech sod, every female looks attractive.

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Japan develops robot CHEERLEADERS which RIDE on BALLS

Evil Auditor
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Happy

Re: Cute!

Good that internet isn't that far developed, otherwise I'd have accused you of infecting me.

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iPAD-FONDLING fanboi sparks SECURITY ALERT at Sydney airport

Evil Auditor
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Stop

Muppets. And for once I don't mean the fondleslabbed zombie.

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Who.is does the Harlem Shake

Evil Auditor
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Re: What an awesome way to demonstrate a vunerability

Thumb up! Despite the misuse of awesome ;)

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Moon landing was real and WE CAN PROVE IT, says Nvidia

Evil Auditor
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Trollface

To all conspiracy muppets out there

So, Nvidia was bought by NASA.

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Oh God the RUBBER on my SHAFT has gone wrong and is STICKING to things

Evil Auditor
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Re keyboard life-forms

That's why I take the keyboard to the sink every couple of months. Not that I'd mind the life-forms per se. But I can't stand when it bites my fingers when I fall asleep again at work.

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Ballmer PERSONALLY wrote Windows' Blue Screen of Death text

Evil Auditor
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Re: Give rhe devil his due .,,

Couldn't agree more.

Had to make use of this bloody BSOD while developing NT device drivers. Still have nightmares of useless dumps popping at my head.

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Sex is great in books, lousy in apps, says Apple

Evil Auditor
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Re: "Sex is great in books.... "

They wouldn't know for sure. They have only read about it.

Phew... there was me, being scared to death by the thought that they might even procreate...

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Evil Auditor
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Joke

"Sex is great in books.... "

And I thought sex was great having. Stupid me! You live and learn...

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Crack team weighs LOHAN's substantial box

Evil Auditor
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Re: "Seven" and "one"

Strange life-forms, those missuses. I mean, I don't give a toss about football, being it any cup or not. And she hates football. Unless another WC comes along... Seven and one would, unfortunately, only partly work as there are another two nations incorporated into her.

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Uber alles... nein! Deutschland imposes NATIONWIDE BAN on taxi app

Evil Auditor
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The temporary injunction only bans Uber from arranging taxi services with unlicensed drivers (given they charge more than the pure cost of operation). As far as I'm concerned, I can neither see why this should be a bad thing or prevent progress. It only seems that Uber needs to vet its drivers. If I want some unlicensed drivers I can make use of one of the illegal minicab drivers that loiter in the early hours around London's night clubs.

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Russia: SEXY LIZARDS which landed FROM SPACE are all DEAD

Evil Auditor
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Re: Geckos! Frozen Geckos!

They all taste like chicken.

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Evil Auditor
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"Hope they were insured!"

Who, the geckos or Roscosmos?

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If you think 3D printing is just firing blanks, just you wait

Evil Auditor
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"Fuck yeah!"

You're being ironic about irony...?

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Boffins attempt to prove the UNIVERSE IS JUST A HOLOGRAM

Evil Auditor
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Boffin

Re: Excellent

it might explain other strange phenomena like odd socks being eaten by the washing machine

This has already sufficiently been explained and got nothing to do with crazy universe models: it's the other pieces of clothing agreeing on sacrificing a sock to the Great God of Washing. Proof: put only one sock on its own through the washing cycle and it won't disappear - socks usually are not suicidal.

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Experimental hypersonic SUPERMISSILE destroyed 4 SECONDS after US launched it

Evil Auditor
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Re "which could potentially bypass missile defences"

On a more serious note, I'd say it could potentially bypass today's missile defences. Once such weapons become feasible surely the development of defence systems wouldn't stagnate.

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Evil Auditor
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"Happily no one was hurt"

No dauntless playmonaut on board? No wonder it failed.

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Huawei: 'Tizen has no chance', Windows Phone is 'difficult'... it's Android all the way

Evil Auditor
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Coat

Re "...can lead to internal friction"

internal friction aka corporate masturbation.

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'Leccy racer whacks petrols in Oz race

Evil Auditor
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Re: Torque

nah, that'd be "nM"

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Brit Sci-Fi author Alastair Reynolds says MS Word 'drives me to distraction'

Evil Auditor
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SF writers may be technophobes. I'm neither of which. But I still think MS Word is crap for writing anything more than a couple of pages.

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Evil Auditor
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"Microsoft is losing the hearts and minds of British Science Fiction writers"

Both of them.

SCNR

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I’ve never paid for it in my life... we are talking Wi-Fi, right?

Evil Auditor
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Re: must be a Europe thing?

MondoMan, not only in the US where the lower-to-middle end hotel chains supply...free wifi and others don't. Yes, I'm looking e.g. at you, bloody Renaissance in Brussels.

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Vampires and Ninjas versus the Alien Jedi Robot Pirates: It's ON

Evil Auditor
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Lucy wins

No matter what. She's everywhere.

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The Register to boldly go where no Vulture has gone before: The WEEKEND

Evil Auditor
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Re: Nubile young women lusting...

Dude, I see what you mean. That's why you should retire to the cave you emerged from. Shoo!

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Which audio format sounds better?

Evil Auditor
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Which audio format sounds better?

There's an interesting Gruaniad article on "how much difference is there between MP3, CD and 24-bit audio?" So far so good. Unfortunately, not a blind and let alone a double blind test was applied and hence, as any ful no, the conclusions are utter bollocks.

It's about data, data transformation, data compression and science. Wouldn't you, El Reg, not be in a much better position to do such research the proper scientific way? (Heck, I might even try to attempt it myself if I found some time...)

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Steve Jobs had BETTER BALLS than Atari, says Apple mouse designer

Evil Auditor
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Paris Hilton

Can someone please help me?

Steve Jobs had BETTER BALLS than Atari ... but it turns out that his former employer Atari had even better balls than him

It's not my brightest day, I'm almost falling asleep and I just can't relate the headline to the article.

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Nuke regulator hacked three times in three years

Evil Auditor
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Re: The mind boggles.

We can only hope you are right, jake, we can only hope...

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Cops baffled by riddle of CHICKEN who crossed ROAD

Evil Auditor
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Re: Philosophical question

Did they issue an ASBO?

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Evil Auditor
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Re: umm..

the gras is greener on the other side

So, the poor chicken would continuously be crossing the road until it starves?

(wouldn't be that surprised...)

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Evil Auditor
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Trollface

Re: Ever kept chickens?

Of course, it's brain-dead. I mean, it successfully committed suicide, ceased to exist, popped its clogs, kicked the bucket: dead, brain-dead!

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Japanese boffins invent 4.4 TREEELLION frames per second camera

Evil Auditor
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How may snaps in a row?

They didn't mention that the camera can only capture one frame at that speed before having to recover for umpteen milliseconds. Of course, I don't know - I'm just asking.

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Murder accused DIDN'T ask Siri 'how to hide my roommate'

Evil Auditor
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Re: Aiding and Abetting?

...wannabe crime novelists and fifty people with ghoulish imaginations...

Shoot 'em all! I thought current custom was to at least ban them from flying?

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Vulture 2 strapped to speeding van before delicate brain surgery

Evil Auditor
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Re: As always, good work

I agree.

And to misquote you "a single spike mounted into the rear", you are a bit of a pervert. (Or is that me?)

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Nice computers don’t need to go to the toilet, says Barclays

Evil Auditor
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Happy

"Yes, we know, the weekend has come early this week...."

Indeed, that's my last working day of the week - for the whole nation here, apparently. How did you know?

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Kiwi Rocket Lab to build SUPER-CHEAP sat launchers (anyone know 30 rocket scientists?)

Evil Auditor
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Devil

110kg payload

That's just enough to send my boss into space. $5m you say? Put it on travel expenses, but make sure he signs it before his departure.

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DAYS from end of life as we know it: Boffins tell of solar storm near-miss

Evil Auditor
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Re: Water supplies?

Drop by if you need a glass of water.

JeffyPoooh, you aren't American, are you? Otherwise you'd be armed to your teeth to protect your well from every intruder. Anyway, around here it's also wells. And if someone makes it to my place he/she's very welcome to get some water, even more than a glass.

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NSA man: 'Tell me about your Turkish connections'

Evil Auditor
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Re: US Immigration

Can't really confirm the absence of humour. When I arrived there with the significant other, we were asked for how long we've been together. "How long?! And you aren't married? Go to Vegas!!"

Then again, probably he was serious... But at least friendly.

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Evil Auditor
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Trollface

Re: Do you suppose it's suspicious...

Not only suspicious. I'd certainly say you are a TERRORIST!

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METRE-LONG DINOSAUR POO going under the hammer

Evil Auditor
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Re: Nah... if it had been dumped from the air

Splattered, yes. The much smaller seagull poo splatters as well but it's still freaking disgusting if it hits you.

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