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* Posts by Evil Auditor

1336 posts • joined 13 Jan 2009

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Are you broke? Good with electronics? Build a better AC/DC box, get back in black with $1m

Evil Auditor
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Title fail?

AC/DC != DC/AC

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SAP: It was our Big Data software wot won it for Germany

Evil Auditor
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Happy

Re: "Vorsprung durch grossendatatechnik" @AC

I beg to differ. This being El Reg's comments I crossed out the "right" word.

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Evil Auditor
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Happy

Re: "Vorsprung durch grossendatatechnik" @AC

Wow! Können wir starten einen Deutschen thread in El Reg starten?

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Evil Auditor
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Re: "Vorsprung durch grossendatatechnik"

Nein, leserlich ist es schon, nur etwas zerfrickelt.

Gut für uns grammar Nazis! (Guys, what's grammar nazi in German?)

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Evil Auditor
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Headmaster

Vorsprung durch Grossdatentechnik, is rather what they'd like to say in Germany.

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Motorist 'thought car had caught fire' as Adele track came on stereo

Evil Auditor
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Trollface

I do understand why the driver abandoned the car when Adele came on stereo. But wouldn't it be easier to simply switch it off or to a different radio station?

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Banning handheld phone use by drivers had NO effect on accident rate - study

Evil Auditor
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Re: It does make a difference

Couldn't agree more (well, the case with the drunk in the backseat sounds rather silly though).

Now for something completely off topic but as you being a Scottish cop, by any chance do you happen to be in Aberdeenshire? You know, your indeed very friendly colleagues in Fraserburgh still have a 35mm film roll or two of mine, which they were supposed to send me back about ten years ago... Guess I have to write them off, don't I? ;-)

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Evil Auditor
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"... it is no more distracting that talking to the passengers who are in the car with you"

No.

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Evil Auditor
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Handheld vs hands-free

Besides the obvious "banning didn't affect the use" comment, IIRC there were already studies which showed that whether using a mobile handheld or hands-free didn't really make a difference and both distracted the driver equally.

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New Star Wars movie plot details leak, violate common sense and laws of physics

Evil Auditor
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Back then (the original three) they were just great! It's space, it's light sabers, it's laser guns, and a girl - what's not to like. Years later I sat in the cinema for Episode I. And fell asleep instantly. Couldn't be bothered to watch any other one - did I miss something?

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Fear a terrifying killer robot revolution? GET A GRIP: Boffins invent cyborg hand for humans

Evil Auditor
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Re: I fear robot rebellion

@Montreal Sean

So, on one hand I wear a robo-hand and in the other carry a cattle prod to defeat it whenever need be?

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Evil Auditor
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Devil

How disappointing!

There was me, expecting something like Thing T. Thing...

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Cops nab suspect using CREEPY facial recog system

Evil Auditor
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Stop

innocent or guilty

The creepy part is not this facial recognition system but that they keep mug shots of innocent people.

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German NSA probe chief mulls spy-busting typewriters

Evil Auditor
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Re: CIA spooks now to go hungry?

Chef is German for "head of" or Boss.

I know, I know. But I chose to ignore...

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Evil Auditor
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Re: CIA spooks now to go hungry?

But what did he do wrong? Stealing recipes for cooking Kraut and Wurst?

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Microsoft: You NEED bad passwords and should re-use them a lot

Evil Auditor
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"...someone can post stuff in my name."

"The worst that can happen with my setup on el Reg is that someone can post stuff in my name."

Oh well, that happens to me All The Time! All of my silly, offensive or just in general rubbish comments (like this very one) were written by an unknown idiot on the 'net who posts stuff in my name, using my fake e-mail address and simple password.

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Evil Auditor
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Re: spot on

Exactly. Only that for some websites I use unique crap e-mail addresses - when I receive spam on those I know which bastard sold it on.

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Evil Auditor
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Stop

@moiety

It actually is rather sensible advice by those security researchers. I think you should reconsider who the idiot is.

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Programming languages in economics: Cool research, bro, but what about, er, economics?

Evil Auditor
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WTF?

Our focus on speed should not be taken seriously.

Nuff said.

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Will GCHQ furtle this El Reg readers' poll? Team Snowden suggests: Yes

Evil Auditor
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Re: Another worrying thought?

Sarcasm? Where did you see sarcasm?

Anyway, from my experience in dealing with some gov't "officials" they neither understand sarcasm nor irony. But do you believe they could've built a machine to help them with such?

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Evil Auditor
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Devil

Re evil plan

There is no evil plan. It's all for the Greater Good.

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Think Google Glass is creepy? Wait until it READS YOUR MIND

Evil Auditor
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WTF?

I only skim-read the article but what I got was that this mind-reading device is useful for taking hands-free pictures of one's dump? Very useful and hygienic, if someone's interested in that sort of snaps.

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Call girl injected Google exec with heroin, drank wine, left him to die – cops claim

Evil Auditor
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"...a tragedy for ... all those that knew him."

Please, save the platitudes for the funeral. This is El Reg comments, we'll not be surprised if some of those who knew him are not too unhappy about this incident.

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Evil Auditor
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Trollface

Re: inflation sucks

C'mon, your mug shots the other day didn't look much better either.

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Evil Auditor
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Devil

Re: A shame

Are we a bit judgmental today?

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Evil Auditor
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Paris Hilton

Re professional clients

Professional client as opposed to consumer or end user? I'm not much into that kind of trade, so can please someone explain.

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What the world needs now is... a Bluetooth-enabled baby's dummy

Evil Auditor
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Devil

Re: Also perfect for the offfice environment

Perfect! I'm sure it would plug nicely into the bosses' arse. And they wouldn't mind, quite a few of them are a bit anal anyway.

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That 'wiped' Android phone you bought is stuffed with NAKED SELFIES – possibly

Evil Auditor
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Re: Happened to me twice.

stu 4, regarding your incident with the lumix, surely this is something that some of us would do deliberately when selling such a device.

Oh, just me then?

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It's finally happened: Bloke builds BOFH-style goofing-off cattle prod

Evil Auditor
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Re: If only

wowfood, I understand your requirement for I'm one who fought regularly against sleep in said meetings. As I grew older I realised to futility of such a fight and what's more, I realised the insanity of staying awake. So nowadays I either simply leave or don't hesitate falling asleep. Mind you, I'd still consider snoring (which I don't) as rude behaviour, maybe not as rude though as organising a pointless waste of time meeting.

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Evil Auditor
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Trollface

Re: Major downside

Steven, I'm sorry, we really thought about telling you. But as long as you strive for making your life easier, there's really no point of even considering getting a gf.

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Evil Auditor
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Why would I do that?

I mean, inspired by The BOFH I acquired a handy cattle prod* which lies in my office drawer, ready to be deployed whenever need be. So far, I only used it once, against a colleague, in a long running workplace vendetta. But wouldn't it be right out of my mind to use it against myself?!

Yep, mine's the one with the prod...

*In case you wonder, it's the model "magic shock", ordered from an agriculture store in Germany, under a disguised name.

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You 'posted' a 'letter' with Outlook... No, NO, that's the MONITOR

Evil Auditor
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Alistair Dabbs, I'm one of your regular readers. But this is your first column that physically hurt me, it's so painfully true. It's more reality than I can handle on a Friday afternoon. I'm off.

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El Reg is looking for a new London sub-editor

Evil Auditor
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Re: Sir

sexist != sexiest

;)

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Evil Auditor
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Re El Reg is a darn sight more reasonable

That may well be true. On average though, i.e. other outlets than El Reg, journos and other media workers aren't well paid. Why are there still so many going for it? You've got the fringe benefit of working in what is probably the most sexist industry available. Where else can you go unpunished being openly misogynic apart from politics and investment banking? Again, this of course doesn't apply to El Reg.

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Evil Auditor
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"9 million monthly unique browsers"

Finally someone's reporting correctly!

p.s. I'd be very interested in the job. Problem is my English sucks, can't read and what's media law? But sheer incompetence is a rare reason for not getting a job, at least around here. So, what's the pay?

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Future Apple gumble could lock fanbois out of their own devices

Evil Auditor
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Actually, Playboy photographers are fully clothed during a shoot, just like the rest of the crew. But more to the point, since I informally applied for El Reg's sub editor job earlier on, I probably should change my workplace lockscreen to some hot nudie while the home one remains the missus-friendly landscape pic. Then again, my plan was to work 100% from home since I'm rather unkeen of commuting 700 miles to London every day.

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Evil Auditor
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Re: IANAF

I share your attitude towards Apple. But I can see that such a behaviour can actually be rather welcome to the fanboi luser normal user.

Mind you, I'd never use such a function. Then again, like some other commentards who obviously loath such a Big Brother idea, I'm hardly within the target group of Apple or other typical smart device providers.

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Evil Auditor
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Re distance from your pocket

I'm pretty sure Apple's already got a patent on some rfid-like implant device that can communicate with you devices and dog and would be perfectly capable of tracking your every move acting on distance from your pocket or implant respectively.

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Rockall batters plucky Brit adventurer

Evil Auditor
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Re: Just how inedible are seabirds really?

Isn't it in international waters? Who could prosecute?

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Evil Auditor
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Re: "Now Hancock's been deprived of food, it's not clear is how long he can survive"

I would regard a tent in my back garden as unacceptably hostile conditions

Depending on where your back garden is that may very well be reasonable. I have to agree, they anchored the pod properly, one would think that the supplies are fixed likewise. Then again, fishing line + hook + piece of foil = sashimi. Didn't a Mexican live on that diet for how long?

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Golf bloke to Richard Branson: Get on board the future bus, where there's 'NO WEATHER'

Evil Auditor
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"When I was on pot, it all went white,"

Here, fixed that for you.

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Rockall pod-dweller braces for stormy weather

Evil Auditor
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Re: Timezones

...you almost sound like you mean eating them too.

Well, everything tastes like chicken. Except seagull, which tastes like fish. And don't ask how I'd know. The baked brick sounds like a pleasant alternative...

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Evil Auditor
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Happy

Is that you, topper? Back to the Dilbert strip where you belong to!

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Evil Auditor
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How does he take a dump?

Outside or is there a 'podoilet'?

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MIT and CERN's secure webmail plan stumped by PayPal freeze

Evil Auditor
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Re no one can pay for anything without Uncle Sam says OK

At least as long as it is paid in US$. It cost BNP Paribas $8.8bn to find out...

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Evil Auditor
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Disposal

Theft from a data centre may not be the biggest risk in Switzerland. I regard disk encryption (of non-mobile, located in a data centre machinery) as part of the disposal process; I've yet to see a hardware disposal procedure that cannot fail.

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You need a list of specific unknowns we may encounter? Huh?

Evil Auditor
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Re: @Dabbsy

You shouldn't worry. The people you write about are commonly the same people who suffer a certain degree of loss of reality. No chance they'd recognise themselves.

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Evil Auditor
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@Dabbsy

Alistair, did you use an alias when being contracted to a now dead* project around here? Haven't seen your name listed as a team member, but I'm sure as hell you described our situation.

*I killed it - that was probably my biggest achievement ever.

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