* Posts by Evil Auditor

1512 posts • joined 13 Jan 2009

'Unexpected item in baggage area' assigned to rubbish area

Evil Auditor
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Mushroom

Re: I find myself tempted to topple the machines like dominos

Soon enough the robots will negotiate any door with an RPG.

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BOFH: Why, I LOVE work courses. Please tell me more, o wise one!

Evil Auditor
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Maslow

What, no mentioning of Maslow's pile of steaming crap hierarchy of needs?

After hearing about this intellectual construct once too many in one of those "leadership trainings", I eventually gave up on them, refusing to attend another one since. There is one thing though which I've learnt in those trainings: leaders are definitely not created in leadership trainings. At best, they fuck with the brains of second class managers, putting silly ideas of staff motivation in their heads, that wouldn't even work with dogs. Let alone with highly-skilled, cynical engineers.

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German prosecutor given Das Boot over Netzpolitik treason charge

Evil Auditor
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Re: what ship? I see no ship

@Flossy

First, this is El Reg, having a long history of (foreign) language abuse. Second, it probably was the (sub)editor who chose the headline.

And third, it's quite a good headline!

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UK.gov wants to stop teenagers looking at tits online. No, really

Evil Auditor
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David,

Did you have a bad-porn day?!

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World-beating TWO-QUADRILLION-WATT LASER fired by boffins

Evil Auditor
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Yes yes... but does it do pew?

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Sysadmins: Your great power brings the chance to RUIN security

Evil Auditor
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10 reasons why your security training programs aren't working

Seems pretty generic to me and applicable to many presentations. Oh, and no. 11: you rely on PowerPoint.

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It’s DEJA VU: Customer forgets to tell us about essential feature AGAIN

Evil Auditor
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Happy

Re: Déjà vu of a different kind (and a failed Turing test)

"It clicks again on the function and it gets the cattle prod" was my thought...

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Evil Auditor
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LaeMing, thanks for reminding me - it's what I just watched!

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Evil Auditor
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Facepalm

Déjà vu of a different kind (and a failed Turing test)

Set during software upgrading, trouble-shooting of some sort. Present are the Expert and I.

"Should we try function X?" the Expert asks. - "No, function X is only for model A. We have model B." - "Oh, ok...." with a empty look in his face.

Seventeen minutes and an error message later:

"Should we try function X?" the Expert asks. - "No!? This won't work because it's only for model A." - "Oh"

Twenty-five minutes and two error messages later:

"Maybe we should try to run function X?" - "Erm???? Yes, give it a go!" - .... "Ah no, this is only for model A!" the Expert says with an eureka smile in its face. "Thank god! Finally!!!" I think.

Not so fast, smart-arse, not so fast... An hour or so later, it clicks again on function X to see what happens.

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Slippery, slimy find: LEGGY, WRIGGLY fossil shows SNAKES weren't legless. Or ARMLESS

Evil Auditor
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Is this news?

About 25 years ago I already heard that snakes used to have legs. Not sure if that was only speculation or what. Is there a palaeontologist on El Reg who could clarify?

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Lottery IT security boss guilty of hacking lotto computer to win $14.3m

Evil Auditor
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...enhance our layers of security to protect the integrity of lottery games...

I'm sure they did. Issuing a directive that root kits must not be installed. And installing an additional CCTV camera.

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Reg top tip: Don't have the same name as someone else if you use Facebook's Instagram

Evil Auditor
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Happy

Re: One wonders ...

One of my pet peeves is...

Indeed, indeed... still getting the shivers down my spine when remembering what followed after I hastily wrote "Jack" once.

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Dwarfworld PLUTO may not have a real DOG on it - but it does have a TAIL

Evil Auditor
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Re: If only it had hit the Earth

@AC

Daft comment. I like it!

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Did MARS once have OCEANS? Curiosity discovers continental crust

Evil Auditor
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Re: continental crust?

Yep, but not as nasty as homo sapiens. Then again, that will pass...

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IBM to offer BREAST MILK delivery-as-a-service for staff

Evil Auditor
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Childcatcher

Re: On-site childcare would be preferable

Don't be so cruel!

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Download Festival face scan: You’re right to be annoyed, said UK surveillance commish

Evil Auditor
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Re: Really Stupid People Do Really Stupid Things

That's not the question - they promised to send it back! And if you can't trust the plods, whom in the world could you trust?!

Seriously, there's a reason why they got an empty film ;-) And after 10 years, with a brief exception having lived all outside the UK, might be getting a bit difficult to link the address they have to me today.

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Evil Auditor
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Re: Really Stupid People Do Really Stupid Things

@Allan George Dyer

1./2. Don't know for sure but some less careful fellows were and subsequently were questioned by incompetent* plods. No charges ever.

*incompetent regarding IT matters

3. I didn't change my identity since then. You probably might have guessed that evil auditor isn't my real name ;)

Unrelated, a file that probably still exists is with the Scottish police which questioned me over some allegedly sensitive photos I've taken. They still keep a film roll of mine, which they were supposed to return around 10 years ago. I'm looking at you, Aberdeenshire police. Oh well, maybe it wasn't so interesting to look at 36 unexposed frames...

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Evil Auditor
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Devil

Re: Really Stupid People Do Really Stupid Things

When I was at university, "being a student" was justifiable grounds for being the target of illegal police surveillance

"Being a student" surely must not be grounds for being targeted. Then again, when I was at university, some of our activities indeed would have been justifiable grounds for being monitored legally by police - and that wasn't for e.g. being a subversive student somewhere in China. The plods didn't, but that was a different time. Also no reason for anon as it's been certainly a long enough time since.

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Hacking Team: We're the good guys, but SO misunderstood. Like Batman

Evil Auditor
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FAIL

an unnamed government or organisation with "considerable funds"

A 15yo script kiddie? Just guessing.

When you are, like Hacking Team, operating on this filthy side of business, you want to make damn sure that even an organisation with considerable funds will not get to your data. Not saying it's easy, but it is possible. And those idiots from Hacking Team were literally screaming: "pwn us!"

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Pan Am Games: Link to our website without permission and we'll sue

Evil Auditor
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Re: Okay... let me be the first to do this here...

You forgot #TO2015

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Sorry, say boffins, the LHC still hasn't sucked us into a black hole

Evil Auditor
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Happy

Re: Never mind more than a curiosity...

When you neglect the vast energy you have to put in to create the small black hole in the first place, and all the energy to keep it stable, it might actually work.

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Evil Auditor
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Re: How would we know?

@AC regarding risk analysis.

Likelihood times impact works for risks with a relatively high frequencies and relatively low impact. There are, however, some risks with a potential impact that high, say causing a few billion deaths, that taking them is simply not acceptable regardless of likelihood (other then zero).

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Evil Auditor
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Re: How would we know?

"nobody noticed since we're all inside it"

Nobody noticed?! When I get out here at rush hour, it's so bloody dense that I've got no doubt of being inside a black hole.

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Security world chuckles at Hacking Team’s 'virus torrent' squeals

Evil Auditor
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Re: Sir

Ergo countries with patchy human rights records.

Yes, I'm also looking at you, Great Ol' Britain. From the somewhat safe distance of the formerly British now Chinese special administrative region...

By the way, there are countries out there that still respect human rights. For now, at least, and if only for lack of resources.

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Did a SUPER RARE Sony-Nintendo PlayStation prototype just pop up online? Possibly, maybe

Evil Auditor
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Re: Somebody's going to be rich...

Could you please be a bit more specific who the someone is, who is going to pay big bucks? I have quite some electronic junk too, which I'd like to get rid of....

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SEX-starved worm can GIVE HEAD to ITSELF to reproduce

Evil Auditor
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literature review

That's about where a scientific study should start. Internet made that task an awful lot easier. Not everything is available online though, but some "scientists" simply ignore what's not been published on the webs.

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Evil Auditor
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Also homo sapiens

Just check out people who are kept in long-term solitary confinement. Totally fucked in their head. They don't reproduce though. But probably would if they could...

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Ford recalls 433,000 cars: Software bug breaks engine off-switch

Evil Auditor
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A lot of cars, American or not, suck. That leaves you to choose from cars with supercharged engines or electric ones. But frankly, a lot of them suck, too. Get a bicycle!

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Evil Auditor
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Software error?

Possessed by evil spirits! Or how many lines of code did a Plymouth Fury from the 50s have?

Then again, there's probably not such a clear cut between possession and software errors...

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Evil Auditor
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Re: Bah!

You're right, of course. But in those days cars used to be stolen.

What, they still are you say? Bugger.

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FBI updates Most Wanted cyber felons list, offers US$4.2m bounties

Evil Auditor
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Re: depends on your employer

Depends entirely on which government(s) they work for...

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Rise of the Machines: ROBOT KILLS MAN at Volkswagen plant

Evil Auditor
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Besides which I find using the term "robot" to describe these PLC driven actuators stretching the term

Maybe I'm getting old and the meaning of this term changed recently. As far as I'm concerned, "robot" doesn't imply any intelligence at all but in fact can simply be some PLC driven actuators.

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Evil Auditor
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And "I'd of" wasn't against any rule you've been taught?

Starting to lose my will to live...

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Evil Auditor
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So don't start with the Skynet, okay?

Yes, yes. But how did the robot lure the man to go in there? Assuming that VW's industrial robots don't exactly look like Alicia Vikander.

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‘Clandestines' prompt British border blockade in France

Evil Auditor
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Finally, someone thought of the refugees. Oh...

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UH OH: Windows 10 will share your Wi-Fi key with your friends' friends

Evil Auditor
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Re: Kill that WiFi Sense thing!

Maybe you are right about the project manager. It shouldn't have been the pm to set the requirements though. But to whoever came up with that brilliant idea: fuck off and die - and not in that order.

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Evil Auditor
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Re: Off

do people really just run with the settings that come out of the box?

Not people who read El Reg. Let's say they are on the nerd side of users. But for most other people -and that is most users-, they just want to buy a device and start doing whatever they want to do. Can't blame them.

Yes, once their shit goes airborne they turn to us, again.

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Robo-car wars: Delphi's near crash, prang, wallop with Google DENIED!

Evil Auditor
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Both automated vehicles did exactly what they were supposed to do.

The Audi was tailgating?

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BOFH: Don't go changing on Friday evenings, I don't wanna work that hard

Evil Auditor
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Re: All of our updates are on a Friday

Reminds me of some fuckers at a place (a large, global bank) I used to work in a former life. Staff used to be paid additionally and well for work during their on-call duty. Some of those would deliberately implement some small fuck-up, e.g. in a batch run, that would go off during their on-call. They would have safed the IT bank once again, they would be paid well, and they probably hated their partners.

Once found out the incentives were changed to something more normal: paid for on-call duty but not for actual work during this time.

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Microsoft releases free Office apps for half of all Android phones

Evil Auditor
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Re: Alternative?

Trolling? Yes, a bit.

Seriously though, I've been using both iOS and Android phones for years. In my opinion, iOS sucks(*). I don't like it. But Android, which I prefer for its functionality, sucks even more.

(*)Although I believe for the usual user it is quite good and probably better (less troubles) than Androids.

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Evil Auditor
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Alternative?

Just wondering, is there a usable Linux mobile out there?

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Bloke called Rod struck by lightning for second time

Evil Auditor
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re how many are called Rod

That doesn't help much with the maths because maybe Rods are much more at risk being hit by lightning than other people. But it makes you wonder what roughly 41'000 Americans were thinking when naming their child.

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FLICK my FLINT and SNIFF my TREE on the streets of Naples

Evil Auditor
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Re: Maybe ....

@tfewster

As a non-smoker, I find the smell of those little tree fresheners far more offensive than cigarette smoke. No joke.

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The world .sucks at a minute past midnight on Sunday

Evil Auditor
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JDX, I should create additional accounts here, just to multi-up-vote your comment. It's the only domain that really should exist under this TLD.

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BOOM! Stephen Elop shuffled out of Microsoft door

Evil Auditor
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Devil

Re: Indeed.

@John Brown

Be you a proper techie or not (neither am I in this regard). What worries me though is that you consider pizza a living being. Then again, if you leave the pizza lying around for long enough it probably turns into some sort of life-form...

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Evil Auditor
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Joke

Re: Indeed.

...love [...] I reserve that for living beings

What the heck are you doing on El Reg? You aren't a techie, are you?

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Hey kids, who wants to pwn a million BIOSes?

Evil Auditor
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Re: O RLY?

DropBear, I couldn't agree more. My hair stood on end when I read this crap. What they say sounds like what a junior trainee IT muppet would say - and like a recipe for failure.

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Swordfish fatally stabs man after man stabs, fatally, swordfish

Evil Auditor
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"He was such a tough guy that everyone's scared of him"

Not the swordfish though, no it wasn't.

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