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* Posts by Oliver Mayes

414 posts • joined 19 Nov 2008

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GPS glitch leads perp-pursuing cops to wrong house

Oliver Mayes

It's been a long time since the police were held accountable for any of their actions. One could piss through your letterbox and still somehow claim that it was 'pertinent to their enquiries'.

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Cineworld flaunts '4D' movies

Oliver Mayes

So now I'll have to put up with the noise, movement and inevitable shrieking and screaming of a funfair ride while I'm trying to watch a film?

Yet another reason to not bother with the cinema anymore.

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Modern Warfare 3 shoots onto Steam for free

Oliver Mayes

Translation: The Steam servers will be unavailable for the next 48 hours as thousands of people try to download MW3.

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Virgin Media broadband goes titsup for 3 hours

Oliver Mayes

Oh, is that what that was?

I could access some sites but not others, all seemed fine from my phone on 3G but ironically I couldn't get to the Virgin service status page to check if there was a problem. All slowly came back over the course of the evening though.

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OnLive

Oliver Mayes

Hmm, balancing a tablet on my lap while holding the controller? I'd rather just use my home console in that scenario.

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Weeting cops cuff 17th phone-hacking suspect

Oliver Mayes

Wrong person, the woman with the herd face was from the Moos of the World.

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E-gambling tax will spark web bet shop exodus - report

Oliver Mayes

"The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of the expanding bureaucracy."

The government needs to keep paying the salaries of politicians and bureaucrats. As those salaries increase and more and more consultants/middle managers/advisers/spin doctors get hired then more money needs to be brought in to keep them all well fed and happy.

Since the largest repository of money resides in the pockets of the proles the government continues to wring as much of it out of them as possible while maintaining a pet police force and a firm grip over liberties to reduce the chances of an uprising that overthrows the bunch of overpaid time wasters.

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iPad typos are Apple's fault, not yours - new claim

Oliver Mayes

If they're so brief that the iDevice is ignoring them as noise then why does it highlight the pressed keys as normal?

Also, what are you typing your one-page letters on, a normal keyboard? There are only three errors made in that video and when using a touchscreen keyboard that offers no tactile feedback that seems to be a perfectly normal error rate.

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Fast food firm fields Sith sandwich

Oliver Mayes

Problem is that 5 minutes after you buy one George Lucas turns up and swaps all of your food with raw turnip and suet, because that's how he originally intended it.

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LG to show 55in, 4mm-thick OLED TV at CES

Oliver Mayes

If it's as light as it looks you wouldn't need screws, just a piece of sticky-back plastic.

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A simple HTML tag will crash 64-bit Windows 7

Oliver Mayes

@adnim

Same here, I develop in Firefox then check through IE6/7/8, Chrome, Safari and Opera to ensure everyone can at least use the basic functionality. The amount of time I waste ensuring that each browsers "quirks" are attended to, verges on farcial.

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Anti-piracy laws will smash internet, US constitution - legal eagles

Oliver Mayes

Until other countries are forced to fall in line and copy them.

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Doctor Who girl Amy Pond axed in 'heartbreaking' exit

Oliver Mayes

I for one agree with you. The classic companions didn't need to be in love with the Doctor, why do so many of the new companions have to fall for him. (Well OK, it may be understandable to get a bit of a crush on the awesome guy with the sexy ship, but it doesn't need to be their defining characteristic).

Get another few companions in, who can have the adventures and be entertaining without constantly mooning over whether the good Doctor has noticed their new outfit.

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The moment a computer crash nearly caused my car crash

Oliver Mayes

@Lee Dowling

"if you need ABS, you're driving too fast / close in the first place anyway"

You've obviously never driven onto a patch of black ice and felt the ABS kick in to prevent you from gliding at 5 mph into the van in front of you who has just stopped to let someone out.

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Hollywood siren invented key phone tech TRUE

Oliver Mayes
Joke

That's Hedley!

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The TARDIS through the ages

Oliver Mayes

She did have an address, it was the scrapyard where the TARDIS was parked. And presumably she was at school so she could learn like a human child and fit in. At the time they didn't know how long they would be living there.

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BUSTED! Secret app on millions of phones logs key taps

Oliver Mayes

This article has nothing to do with iPhones. While all phones have their flaws I don't understand why you feel the need to try and hijack this comment thread to attack apple.

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Virtually indestructible robostarfish penetrates tiny cracks

Oliver Mayes

No video? Disappointing.

I wanna see it squirm.

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Phobos-Grunt 'crippled by US aurora station', 'is a bio-weapon'

Oliver Mayes

Personally, I think we're all in a 'Truman Show'-esque experiment where Mars and everything else further out aren't really there at all. It's just a giant spherical rear-screen projector. All of the previous missions to Mars had either been rigged by the overseers to return false information, or were sabotaged to discourage us from going there ourselves. Wouldn't want up puncturing the screen would they?

This would also explain why we can't see any dark matter out there, you can't rear-project black onto the screen.

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Terry Pratchett computer sniper-scope: Spec-ops mini version

Oliver Mayes

Don't forget...

Someone also needs to say "it's a million to one shot, but it just might work."

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Spillover from 400lb man squeezed fellow flier into galley

Oliver Mayes

"If you are a rickshaw peddler and a fat person sat in your rickshaw charging them more is not discrimination, it is a surcharge."

But think of the wear and tear savings that come with having your front wheel pointing up in the air.

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Oliver Mayes

I've said it before and I'll say it again.

You should have 2 doors leading onto the plane, one 'normal' sized and one double width. If you can't fit through the normal one without a lubricant and a team of people pushing/pulling you through, then you have to buy a second seat.

The same applies at swimming pools, but if you can't fit through the normal door then you shouldn't be wearing a swimming costume in public and the double width door just leads to the cafe.

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Brussels: Water cannot be sold as remedy for dehydration

Oliver Mayes

Water cannot be proven to be good for you so you can't say that it is.

Homeopathic remedies cannot be proven to be good for you, get given benefit of the doubt as long as they're careful about how they phrase it. Go Brussels!!!

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Boffins build bionic battery

Oliver Mayes

Call me when it's actually being used in something.

I hear a dozen reports a day about these incredible new technologies that will revolutionise how we live our lives and how many of them ever make it as far as a commercial product?

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Facebook says it's winning against Justin Bieber smut onslaught

Oliver Mayes

There are several fake pages on Facebook that claim to only allow you to view their content if you spam, um, I mean recommend the page to at least 10 of your friends. They also provide a handy javascript snippet that you can paste into your address bar. The script opens the share link on the page, ticks all of your friends that pop up and submits it. So stupid people have been conditioned for a while to run any scripts that a page tells them to in order to get access to 'premium' content.

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Bagged salad contained decomposed AVIAN CORPSE

Oliver Mayes

You're still asking me to eat an entire lettuce a day, every day for a week. I'm pretty sure I'd get bored by the third day.

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Oliver Mayes

Wasted food? Really?

So if I want to make a mixed leaf salad I should buy a dozen different lettuces, take a few leaves off of each one and then throw the rest away? Seems more efficient to buy a bag of pre-mixed leaves so the rest of the lettuces can go to other people. Instead of me ending up with one salad and 5.8 lettuces that I have no use for.

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PETA riled by Mario's raccoon skin suit

Oliver Mayes

RE: My Alter Ego

I didn't say anything about Tanuki, I said dogs. I don't know what breed they were, but I'm pretty sure it was a Channel 4 documentary about illegal poaching and the trade in animal products.

I don't support PETA in any way, I think they're a bunch of headline grabbing, hypocritical twerps. I do, however, support animal rights.

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Oliver Mayes

Actually, they're pretty accurate about that. I've seen covert footage of chinese fur farms where a particular breed of dog was bred in cages for their fur. The dogs were stunned by a blow to the head then skinned alive, the fur coming off quite easily. The skinned dogs are then dumped in a pile and left to die from the shock as it's cheaper than taking the time to kill them.

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Harry Potter director takes on Doctor Who movie

Oliver Mayes

Actually, I believe it's just titled "Who"

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Irish woman doesn't go down after scrotum ripping assault

Oliver Mayes

Of course he won't. It'll be declared a sexual assault, he'll go to jail, have his name put on the sex offenders register and his life will effectively be over.

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The new touchy-feely Doctor Who trend: Worrying

Oliver Mayes

There's a reason that the fans are calling Rory "Time's New Roman"

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Veg rustlers hit with conditional discharge after roadside lineup

Oliver Mayes

Forget the marrows, do they have a Turnip that looks like a thingy?

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Steam games forum down amid hack fears

Oliver Mayes
Headmaster

Don't tell me people don't know how to use capitalisation and punctuation correctly? Or that they don't know the difference between their and there?

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'Indestructible' Moto Defy telly ad banned

Oliver Mayes

So actual footage of a phone being dropped and knocked around without damage isn't enough evidence to support their claims that it can handle that kind of treatment.

But ISPs can blatently lie about their broadband speeds and cosmetic manufacturers can use CGI and fake the results of their makeup with impunity?

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Russian Mars mission launches after multi-year delays

Oliver Mayes

And it's already starting to fail.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-15631472

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Phone-hack scandal: Bloke cuffed in cop bung probe

Oliver Mayes

No, it means exactly the same thing over here too.

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Oliver Mayes

Hang on a second...

"Inappropriate payments to police" is a crime, but what about the policemen who accepted the money? What's being done about them?

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Don't buy your iPad in a McDonald's car park

Oliver Mayes

Photo of the offending iWood

http://gawker.com/5835890/woman-buys-a-block-of-wood-with-an-apple-logo-thinking-its-an-ipad

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Virgin Media preps firmware update for glitchy SuperHub

Oliver Mayes

Ah, I thought it was just me

I had one of these installed when I moved house back in May and have to reboot it every day or two when it suddenly refuses to allow me to connect to my wifi. I thought there must have been something wrong with my network but maybe this is the problem.

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BlackBerry blog hacked with riot-related threats

Oliver Mayes

Gotta love that logic

"if u do innocent members of the public who were at the wrong place at the wrong time and owned a blackberry will get charged for no reason at all"

So they retaliate by threatening the safety of all the innocent employees of a large corporation, none of which have any say in what the company decides to do. Yet another group of script kiddies who think they have the right to dictate how everyone behaves. "Do what we say or we'll fuck your shit up innit!"

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Anonymous unsheathes new, potent attack weapon

Oliver Mayes

So what exactly have Pastebin ever done?

The twats are now attacking Pastebin as a test of their latest script kiddie tool? How can anyone support these idiots who are willing to bring down innocent sites just because they feel like it?

They're no better than 419ers or malware authors.

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Dragon Bannatyne threatens to break arms of 'Russian' bloke

Oliver Mayes

So presumably

He'll be going to prison then? The police have already demonstrated that an empty threat on twitter counts as an actual threat of violence.

Also, what's with the 'Expect us' bit in the original threat? Are anonymous getting in on this too?

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AT&T: 'Eat too much data and we'll strangle you'

Oliver Mayes

Just what I was thinking

If you're in the top 5% then you get capped, so you're no longer able to remain in the top 5% and someone else overtakes you, but you're still limited for the rest of the month.

It sounds like someone driving alongside a race and kneecapping the 3 people in the lead, they

fall to the back of the pack and people 4, 5 and 6 are now the leaders. So they get kneecapped too, eventually everyone is forced to run in a line at the speed of the slowest runner.

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Grenade-gasm autogun gets Raoul Moat Taser shells

Oliver Mayes

Nope

Zombies take precisely 1 bullet to bring down. You put one in the heead then move on to the next one. Spraying masses of bullets at them is only going to waste ammo and reduce your accuracy.

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Microsoft hit with lawsuit in Kinect tech spat

Oliver Mayes

I'm sorry

"challenging a subject’s physiologic and kinesthetic systems to synergistically enhance cognitive function"

The moment I saw the 'word' "synergistically" this company lost any modicum of sympathy I might have had for them.

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Cameron: Murdoch son of Murdoch needs another grilling

Oliver Mayes

Money dear boy.

It's only a crime if you don't have the financial resources to hire a team of lawyers to "redefine" the law.

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Phone-hack backlash BBC in embarrassing headline gaffes

Oliver Mayes

Artificial windpipe

It was the first lab grown organ successfully transplanted into a living human.

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Oliver Mayes

Not exactly newsworthy

I don't think a single day has gone by where I've not found at least one spelling/grammatical error in an BBC news article. I can't believe that no-one is bothering to check any of their stories before publishing.

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