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* Posts by Code Monkey

1559 posts • joined 16 Oct 2008

Snake-fondling blonde nude punts Polish coffins

Code Monkey

Re: SHOCKED!

"I think that it's a bit late to try and cover up the fact that people have nipples."

If only the church would realise this.

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Ohio voting machines have 'backdoor', lawsuit claims

Code Monkey

Wasn't the "backdoor" in some kind of voting machine that it stored votes in a .mdb file? Do they not still do that?

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Microsoft's 32GB Surface RT has 16GB of free storage

Code Monkey
Windows

So ...

13GB o'shite then. You just don't change, do you Microsoft?

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Facebook COO Sandberg sells MEELLLIONS OF DOLLARS of stock

Code Monkey
Windows

Fair enough

If I had a wad of Future MySpace shares I'd be cashing in as fast as I could manage as well.

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Facebook Phone rumours are back: And probably true this time

Code Monkey
Thumb Down

Give it about 6 months and the idea of a Facebook phone will sound as laughable as a MySpace phone.

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O2 roaming rates to rise by up to 140%

Code Monkey
Mushroom

The bastards

Roaming charges were the reason I quit O2.

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Debenhams cafes ban outré terms like 'espresso' and 'cappuccino'

Code Monkey

A cynic might think that this "simplifying" of labels is an open door for Debenhams to change their coffee to instant.

I couldn't possibly comment.

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Captain Kirk does a Crapp on the iPhone: 'Shatoetry' for 'Shatisms'

Code Monkey
Windows

Re: Ski Ba Bop Ba Dop Bop

That earworm infection was fast! Superluminal even.

Skibbydibbydibbybombombom! Bombombom!

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Fans' loyalty questioned as iPhone popularity plummets

Code Monkey
Mushroom

Re: Loyalty

*mobile - damnable sausage fingers!

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Code Monkey
Thumb Up

Loyalty

The idea of loyalty to a nobile phone (of any brand) is laughable to me.

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Premature balloon burst thwarts US paper spaceplane attempt

Code Monkey
Windows

Re: clearly the reg SPB is a secret government funded black helicopter outfit

@wowfood:

"It does sound suspiciously like sabotage on the part of el reg."

3rd rate American boffinry more like. I bet they didn't have a single pipe between the entire team.

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This post has been deleted by a moderator

Pints all round as Register Special Projects hacks hack off feet

Code Monkey
Pint

Re: Pints!

Those will be proper 568ml pints.

Fluid ounces are one of those measurements I never have and never will understand (and I'm no whippersnapper).

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Code Monkey
Thumb Down

But but but

[insert usual protest at the lack of jubs, elephants per second and Waleses]

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Axe falls on Directgov as GOV.UK launches

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

Re: Not all directgov.uk

... for which I'm very grateful. My road tax is due and this was the one service I'd always point to as a govt website that actually worked.

Let us hope it continues to be not stuffed up for the foreseeable.

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Jimmy Wales: It was Wikipedia that ended the evil of SOPA

Code Monkey

Jimface taking credit for everyone else's work? Crikey whatever next?

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And the latest winner of the Nobel Peace Prize is ... the EU?

Code Monkey

While 60-odd years without war in Western Europe I can't help thinking it's been a "slow peace year".

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Metric versus imperial: Reg readers weigh in

Code Monkey
Devil

Re: I hate to have to say this old chap...

Well that's what Mondo's been calling 6 inches and he's sticking to it

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Code Monkey
FAIL

Henceforth, the SPB should use...

Linguine, elephants per second, etc.

For shame Reg. For shame!

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UK.gov tries to close site giving home addresses of badger cull figures

Code Monkey
Angel

Re: Well if it's a .co.uk

Read the article. It's mirrored on a .com.

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Facebook says it's LOSING money in the UK ... pays hardly any tax

Code Monkey

Re: die!

Patience young envmod. As the next MySpace it's only a matter of time.

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Teachers get earful of racy XXX chat in Capita IT cock-up

Code Monkey
Trollface

"intermittent problem"

Helldesk being bawdy little monkeys?

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Ballmer aims chair at Apple after Windows package miss

Code Monkey
Windows

I love Ballmer. This industry will be so much less funny when he's gone.

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New Zealand issues Hobbit money

Code Monkey
Windows

Re: Calligraphically Challenged

3 films is a lot of Thorin sitting down, singing about gold.

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HMRC: Moving our data to the cloud will make it MORE secure

Code Monkey

Hopefully it'll cut down on laptops left in pubs, USB sticks dropped in taxis &c.

It's got "cock-up" written all over it, mind.

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Brighton marathon munchers banned from all-you-can-eat diner

Code Monkey
Windows

"All you can eat"

Did the owner used to be in marketing for a broadband company?

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Formlabs preps first home stereolithic 3D printer

Code Monkey

Re: A Challenge for EL Reg!

LIke this?

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/07/28/sintered_aircraft/

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Tablet and laptop sales neck and neck

Code Monkey
Windows

Era of the notebook over? Maybe for a lot of people. There'll always be someone who needs keyboards, meaty processors, etc.

Software doesn't write itself (yet).

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Guardian's Robin Hood plan: Steal from everyone to give to us

Code Monkey
FAIL

Just like the (then) newfangled newspapers all chipped in to keep the ailing town crier sector afloat.

I would rather give up broadband than pay to keep the Heil going. I imagine Heil readers feel similarly about propping up the Graun.

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Brave copper single-handedly chases 'suspicious' Moon

Code Monkey
FAIL

Sheesh

And to think that some people say coppers are thick.

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Eric Schmidt: Ha ha, NO Google maps app for iPhone 5

Code Monkey
Windows

Re: "obsessed with Apple's marketing events and Apple's branding".

Oh come on. This is a genuine story - and quite a funny one at that

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Christian footie match ends in almighty brawl

Code Monkey
Windows

Re: An influx?

"Thou shalt not covet thy mate's non-Christian mate for thine football club, no matter how good a leftback he is."

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Code Monkey

Influx of non-Christians

Yeah right. It was the non-Christians that made the Crusades such a bloodbath as well.

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Made for each other: liquid nitrogen and 1,500 ping-pong balls

Code Monkey
Headmaster

* litre

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UK govt to KILL OFF Directgov within weeks

Code Monkey
Windows

Re: I am still astounded

Popular site, lots of traffic, lots of transactions.

That an the inability of any government project to buy anything at anything like the proper price.

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Ding dong, the Ping is dead! Apple brings in Facebook for iTunes

Code Monkey
Trollface

... also "what was the content of that toilet?"

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Boffin named Jubb to fire whopping hybrid thruster

Code Monkey
Pint

Re: hammond...

You are a cruel person, Naughtyhorse. Full marks!

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Code Monkey
Headmaster

Re: Stealing von Braun

... and where's his pipe?

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New monkey species with massive blue arse found in Africa

Code Monkey
Pint

Re: keyboard please ...

Especially as other, lesser news sources have been less forthcoming on the subject of the massive blue arse.

[raises a tiny picture of a pint]

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Code Monkey

Re: IT Angle: MonkeyVision

If it's touchscren I'd want a stylus.

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'£100m For Sale' sign plonked outside Northgate MS - sources

Code Monkey
Windows

Northwind

Was it just me that read that as "Northwind"?

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UK.gov blacklists Fujitsu from future contracts - report

Code Monkey
Trollface

My comment is that between the lines of not commenting, Fuj are a little grumpy today.

Need a hug, Fuj?

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Google skids car insurance comparison engine onto rivals' lawn

Code Monkey
WTF?

"... while completely respecting their privacy" - no comment on whether his face was straight while delivering this particular gem?

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Broadband minister's fibre cabinet gripe snub sparks revolt

Code Monkey

Re: Yawn. First World Problems...

You mean my local refuge for transgender midgets is just a scam? Just another mobile phone mast?

I don't know who to trust any more.

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Twitter to world: We have NO rivals, ha ha ha!

Code Monkey
Windows

Re: Twitter claimed today that it has no rivals on the world stage

If it were different enough that other site might be viable everywhere except the UK. But there's no way your average (vaguely lefty) UK Twit would be seen dead doing anything on there other than trolling.

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Code Monkey

Re: If nobody is copying you

Twitter's influential (it's essential for lots of politicians and media types) but this has never translated into income.

The latest stab at income seems to be closing its APIs - which I really don't understand. Ah well we'll see.

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Global strategic maple syrup reserves hit in Canadian mega-heist

Code Monkey
Pint

Re: Burn the heretics!!

Mr Coward, my only regret is having just the one upvote (and this tiny picture of a pint) to give.

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Ten 15in notebooks for under 400 quid

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

+1 for the G570

I bought a slightly beefier G570 for slightly over £400 last month. While noticably flimsier than the Thinkpad it replaced, it's a great laptop. I've yet to give it a thorough workout but it'll be running an IDE for a course in a month or so and I've every confidence in it.

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Build your own robot soccer world cup winner

Code Monkey
Headmaster

* football

Other than that - good article.

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Why Java would still stink even if it weren't security swiss cheese

Code Monkey

This article is pish

Some developers are shit, so slag off the platform. Maybe Pyhthon or Rails devs are all perfect. Maybe you're not suited to being a sysadmin. Maybe you'd be happier customising Wordpress themes for a living.

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