* Posts by Code Monkey

1575 posts • joined 16 Oct 2008

World's LEGGIEST BLONDE is super-rare millipede living in SF

Code Monkey
Windows

"in highest fulfilment of feet"

I love you, science!

1
0

Word wonks insist GIFs are really JIFs

Code Monkey
Coffee/keyboard

Re: Huh?

"Is that pronounced Kif or Sif? :)"

I'm now open to the possibility that the thing I've sprayed coffee all over is pronounced "seyboard".

0
0
Code Monkey

Re: Huh?

You know the "g" stands for "graphics"? Or do you pronounce that as "jraphics"?

25
0

Samsung readies bendy smarties for 2013

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

YESSSSS!

It's the phone Nokia Banana fans have been waiting for all these years. AT LAST!

0
0

Watchdog halts Toyota Grand Theft Auto-esque advert

Code Monkey
Gimp

Re: Nothing better to worry about??

They have a point. As soon as I saw that advert I got in my Fiesta and drove it through a plate glass window.

14
0

El Reg mulls commentard icon portfolio shake-up

Code Monkey

Also

Linguine/jub/elephants per second for the inevitable complaints* when an article fails to use the correct Reg units.

* admittedly mostly from me

0
0
Code Monkey

Down with this sort of thing

Careful now

8
0

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite review

Code Monkey
Angel

Paperweight

In an exaggerated Cockney/Aussie accent this sounds like "paperweight". If sales are crap you can have that one for nothing, Reg.

1
1

Take action on climate change OR THE PANDA GETS IT

Code Monkey
Trollface

Hate's a strong word but pandas should meet us halfway. Eat a more varied diet*, have sex once in a while**.

* a reminder: I'm talking about pandas, not my esteemed fellow commentards

** ditto

8
0

Unexpected curiosity cripples Molyneux app

Code Monkey
Pint

Re: Excuse me...

So it's a bit like the old picture-of-a-topless-bird-on-the-thing-with-the-bags-of-nuts-on they had in pubs? Except with no pictures of topless birds, no nuts and you're not in a pub?

I really don't understand the modern world.

7
0

When GiffGaff falls over, is it even news any more?

Code Monkey
Trollface

"When GiffGaff falls over, is it even news any more?"

This sounds almost Confucian. Like the sound of one hand clapping ... presumably clapping slowly in the case of GiffGaff's users.

0
0

Star Wars VII: The Disney Movie signs Toy Story III script genius

Code Monkey
Windows

I wonder if the move to Disney means they'll get round to making those prequels that were touted after Return of the Jedi, which we all know is the THIRD STAR WARS FILM AND THE LAST ONE EVER MADE!

15
0

Man, 19, cuffed after burning Remembrance poppy pic is Facebooked

Code Monkey
Facepalm

Re: Misuse of misuse act!

"strange career move to join the army"

I'm guessing he was conscripted, y'know like most of the army in WWII

1
0
Code Monkey

The man's an arse. However, my granddad's generation went through shit I can't even imagine to protect his freedom to be an arse.

That he's been arrested for this is a bigger affront to those who died in service than burning a poppy.

6
1

Habitable HEAVY GRAVITY WORLD found just 42 light-years away

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

Re: So....

The Great Alien Bake-off. Now you're talking!

0
0

Snake-fondling blonde nude punts Polish coffins

Code Monkey
Gimp

Re: @Crisp: SHOCKED!

NSFW is not a moral (real or otherwise) judgement - it just depends on how puritanical/bored the BOFHs in charge of the smut filters are.

3
0
Code Monkey

Re: SHOCKED!

"I think that it's a bit late to try and cover up the fact that people have nipples."

If only the church would realise this.

8
1

Ohio voting machines have 'backdoor', lawsuit claims

Code Monkey

Wasn't the "backdoor" in some kind of voting machine that it stored votes in a .mdb file? Do they not still do that?

0
0

Microsoft's 32GB Surface RT has 16GB of free storage

Code Monkey
Windows

So ...

13GB o'shite then. You just don't change, do you Microsoft?

0
0

Facebook COO Sandberg sells MEELLLIONS OF DOLLARS of stock

Code Monkey
Windows

Fair enough

If I had a wad of Future MySpace shares I'd be cashing in as fast as I could manage as well.

0
0

Facebook Phone rumours are back: And probably true this time

Code Monkey
Thumb Down

Give it about 6 months and the idea of a Facebook phone will sound as laughable as a MySpace phone.

6
1

O2 roaming rates to rise by up to 140%

Code Monkey
Mushroom

The bastards

Roaming charges were the reason I quit O2.

1
0

Debenhams cafes ban outré terms like 'espresso' and 'cappuccino'

Code Monkey

A cynic might think that this "simplifying" of labels is an open door for Debenhams to change their coffee to instant.

I couldn't possibly comment.

1
0

Captain Kirk does a Crapp on the iPhone: 'Shatoetry' for 'Shatisms'

Code Monkey
Windows

Re: Ski Ba Bop Ba Dop Bop

That earworm infection was fast! Superluminal even.

Skibbydibbydibbybombombom! Bombombom!

1
0

Fans' loyalty questioned as iPhone popularity plummets

Code Monkey
Mushroom

Re: Loyalty

*mobile - damnable sausage fingers!

0
0
Code Monkey
Thumb Up

Loyalty

The idea of loyalty to a nobile phone (of any brand) is laughable to me.

4
0

Premature balloon burst thwarts US paper spaceplane attempt

Code Monkey
Windows

Re: clearly the reg SPB is a secret government funded black helicopter outfit

@wowfood:

"It does sound suspiciously like sabotage on the part of el reg."

3rd rate American boffinry more like. I bet they didn't have a single pipe between the entire team.

6
0

This post has been deleted by a moderator

Pints all round as Register Special Projects hacks hack off feet

Code Monkey
Pint

Re: Pints!

Those will be proper 568ml pints.

Fluid ounces are one of those measurements I never have and never will understand (and I'm no whippersnapper).

1
0
Code Monkey
Thumb Down

But but but

[insert usual protest at the lack of jubs, elephants per second and Waleses]

5
0

Axe falls on Directgov as GOV.UK launches

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

Re: Not all directgov.uk

... for which I'm very grateful. My road tax is due and this was the one service I'd always point to as a govt website that actually worked.

Let us hope it continues to be not stuffed up for the foreseeable.

1
0

Jimmy Wales: It was Wikipedia that ended the evil of SOPA

Code Monkey

Jimface taking credit for everyone else's work? Crikey whatever next?

4
2

And the latest winner of the Nobel Peace Prize is ... the EU?

Code Monkey

While 60-odd years without war in Western Europe I can't help thinking it's been a "slow peace year".

0
0

Metric versus imperial: Reg readers weigh in

Code Monkey
Devil

Re: I hate to have to say this old chap...

Well that's what Mondo's been calling 6 inches and he's sticking to it

6
0
Code Monkey
FAIL

Henceforth, the SPB should use...

Linguine, elephants per second, etc.

For shame Reg. For shame!

4
1

UK.gov tries to close site giving home addresses of badger cull figures

Code Monkey
Angel

Re: Well if it's a .co.uk

Read the article. It's mirrored on a .com.

1
0

Facebook says it's LOSING money in the UK ... pays hardly any tax

Code Monkey

Re: die!

Patience young envmod. As the next MySpace it's only a matter of time.

3
0

Teachers get earful of racy XXX chat in Capita IT cock-up

Code Monkey
Trollface

"intermittent problem"

Helldesk being bawdy little monkeys?

1
0

Ballmer aims chair at Apple after Windows package miss

Code Monkey
Windows

I love Ballmer. This industry will be so much less funny when he's gone.

5
0

New Zealand issues Hobbit money

Code Monkey
Windows

Re: Calligraphically Challenged

3 films is a lot of Thorin sitting down, singing about gold.

5
0

HMRC: Moving our data to the cloud will make it MORE secure

Code Monkey

Hopefully it'll cut down on laptops left in pubs, USB sticks dropped in taxis &c.

It's got "cock-up" written all over it, mind.

0
0

Brighton marathon munchers banned from all-you-can-eat diner

Code Monkey
Windows

"All you can eat"

Did the owner used to be in marketing for a broadband company?

6
0

Formlabs preps first home stereolithic 3D printer

Code Monkey

Re: A Challenge for EL Reg!

LIke this?

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/07/28/sintered_aircraft/

0
0

Tablet and laptop sales neck and neck

Code Monkey
Windows

Era of the notebook over? Maybe for a lot of people. There'll always be someone who needs keyboards, meaty processors, etc.

Software doesn't write itself (yet).

4
0

Guardian's Robin Hood plan: Steal from everyone to give to us

Code Monkey
FAIL

Just like the (then) newfangled newspapers all chipped in to keep the ailing town crier sector afloat.

I would rather give up broadband than pay to keep the Heil going. I imagine Heil readers feel similarly about propping up the Graun.

5
0

Brave copper single-handedly chases 'suspicious' Moon

Code Monkey
FAIL

Sheesh

And to think that some people say coppers are thick.

2
2

Eric Schmidt: Ha ha, NO Google maps app for iPhone 5

Code Monkey
Windows

Re: "obsessed with Apple's marketing events and Apple's branding".

Oh come on. This is a genuine story - and quite a funny one at that

2
0

Christian footie match ends in almighty brawl

Code Monkey
Windows

Re: An influx?

"Thou shalt not covet thy mate's non-Christian mate for thine football club, no matter how good a leftback he is."

7
0
Code Monkey

Influx of non-Christians

Yeah right. It was the non-Christians that made the Crusades such a bloodbath as well.

11
0

Made for each other: liquid nitrogen and 1,500 ping-pong balls

Code Monkey
Headmaster

* litre

0
0

Forums