Feeds

* Posts by Code Monkey

1558 posts • joined 16 Oct 2008

Parliament to unleash barrage of criticism on Snoopers' Charter

Code Monkey
Big Brother

Re: Scary

Not just that it keeps coming back but the Tories actually attacked the near-identical scheme that New Labour wanted to introduce. I don't trust these bastards one bit, nor the previous bastards, nor the next bastards.

28
0

This is out of hand now: Apple attempts to trademark the LEAF

Code Monkey
Windows

Re: Next step: sue God?

If they were to find somewhere to serve the lawsuit I'd be impressed.

2
0

2020AD: Space tourists will be FOUND ON MOON

Code Monkey
Coat

Russ Abbott rumoured to be "not in the least bit interested".

Mine's the one with the 7" Atmosphere single in the pocket.

1
0

Fred Flintstone may not have been real but his pet Dino WAS - boffins

Code Monkey

Re: Bad dinoboffins!

Good point. That also explains the lack of cars-with-no-floors-in-so-Fred-or-Barney-can-scoot-them-along-with-their-feet in the picture.

0
0
Code Monkey

Re: Bad dinoboffins!

The artist that did the impression is making a huge claim for non-purpleness.

1
0
Code Monkey

Bad dinoboffins!

It's not purple, has no collar. It's nothing like Dino.

1
0

Google puts Nexus 4 back on sale, sells out pronto

Code Monkey
Gimp

Re: Rather cynical

I can't speak for the OP but I'd rather pay my money with confindence of receiving the phone shortly afterwards. Until then the money can stay in my account.

0
0

The Times offers subsidised Nexus 7s to get subscribers

Code Monkey

If there were a way to do this so Murdoch lost money, I'd do it.

13
1

Piracy haven Newzbin2 gives up, can't pay the bills

Code Monkey
Angel

Re: So are they going to Open Source the code?

It's a Usenet scraper. If you've 15 mins spare you could knock one up yourself.

1
0

Motörheadphönes Motörizer rock 'phones review

Code Monkey

Ï'm tëmptëd. Öthër hëädphönes ärë sömëwhät läckïng ïn thë umlaut dëpärtmënt.

25
0

Japan Airlines to serve KFC on Christmas flights

Code Monkey
Unhappy

I've seen a Karrachi Fried Chicken and a Krazy Fried Chicken

0
0
Code Monkey

Re: This KFC thing in Japan is real.

Agreed. KFC is bad, airline food is bad.

Doubleplusungood.

0
0

Hurricane Sandy blows US pirate-pestering plan into 2013

Code Monkey
Pirate

Yarr!

Who else thought it was a different sort of anti-piracy that Hurricane Sandy had wrecked?

1
0

Global warming still stalled since 1998, WMO Doha figures show

Code Monkey

Also paving front/back gardens. Britain's not as absorbent as it once was.

14
0

America planned to NUKE THE MOON

Code Monkey
Angel

Re: I find it deeply disturbing

How about we agree to not blow anything up m'kay?

7
2

Think Xmas bashes in your biz are scary? Try partying with the Channel

Code Monkey
Windows

There's one rule: don't be the one that gets talked about the next day. Not getting completely shitted is the usual way of achieving this.

0
1

Boffin claims Bigfoot DNA reveals BESTIAL BONKING

Code Monkey
Coffee/keyboard

Stop it!

I'm running out of upvotes. And coffee.

2
0

Ten technology FAILS

Code Monkey
Windows

Re: VCD's

So ... the VCD's a complete turkey except in Turkey?

23
0

Girlfriend 'tried to MURDER ME with her AMPLE BREASTS'

Code Monkey

Re: Perhaps it was lost in translation

La petite motorboat?

4
0

Gangnam Style beats Bieber Baby, becomes biggest timewaste EVER

Code Monkey

I'm happy to say I've never seen it.

2
3

Driverless trucks roam Australian mines

Code Monkey

Re: And I, for one.....

It's bloody terrifying it is.

Thankfully less bloody terrifying than trucks driven by Australians. At least the robots will be sober.

3
0

WANTED: Actual HELPFUL info on price-comparison websites

Code Monkey
Mushroom

YOU MEAN THE MEERKAT'S LYING TO US? THE BASTARD!

3
0

Reg boffins blow lid on sheepsecs

Code Monkey

I'm no physicist, but ...

How is wooldrag a factor in a vacuum? Surely as frictionless an environment as there can be

0
0

NASA admits hiding 'really good' news from Martian soil

Code Monkey
Facepalm

Re: "THESE data ARE"

Yeah. Data ARE. Also use "THEE" and "THOU" more often.

0
0

'There may come a day when Hobbits promote slot machines ...'

Code Monkey

The Tolkien family sit down and start singing about gold.

16
0

Pocket Wi-Fi hotspots paralyse Chinese metro lines

Code Monkey
Facepalm

Re: @fear^H^H^H^Hreadnothing

"as it aggravates commuters" is an issue in China? They must have better rail services than the UK, then.

Oh wait. Everyone in the world has better rail services than the UK.

0
3

Microsoft's OWN tests on Kin 'social phone' foretold its doom

Code Monkey
Joke

So it was 'kin rubbish, then?

2
1

Glorious silicon globes could hold key to elusive PERFECT kilogram

Code Monkey
Boffin

So which is the prototype football pitch? FA rules allow pitches between between 100 yards (90m/~10 double-decker buses) and 130 yards (120m/~13 double-decker buses) long and between 50 yards (45m/~5 double-decker buses) and 100 yards (90m/~10 double-decker buses) wide.

And which is the protoype double-decker bus? (I'm guessing the Routemaster but open to suggestions from, say, Altlantean fans).

2
0

We CAN'T GET ENOUGH Windows 8 tablets, moan distributors

Code Monkey
Trollface

Re: Marketing games

Haven't Apple patented this?

1
0

Power to the people - if you can find a spare socket

Code Monkey

So in summary: sockets on trains good, lack of sockets in offices bad.

Cool story, bro.

9
3

LOHAN to join mile-high club with BRITNEY or NAOMI?

Code Monkey

On a related note I once wrote a system called NIPS. The N is a massive clue to the client so I can't expand on this.

0
0

Sinofsky denies failed putsch led to his defenestration

Code Monkey

Re: I wonder how much

Or Sinofsky's just following the rule of "slagging off your former employer can upset those you want to be the next employer".

3
0

Nazi Enigma encoding machine sells in London for over £80k

Code Monkey

Re: Crysis

I'll continue in the same vein by pointing out its corners are not rounded.

0
0

World's LEGGIEST BLONDE is super-rare millipede living in SF

Code Monkey
Windows

"in highest fulfilment of feet"

I love you, science!

1
0

Word wonks insist GIFs are really JIFs

Code Monkey
Coffee/keyboard

Re: Huh?

"Is that pronounced Kif or Sif? :)"

I'm now open to the possibility that the thing I've sprayed coffee all over is pronounced "seyboard".

0
0
Code Monkey

Re: Huh?

You know the "g" stands for "graphics"? Or do you pronounce that as "jraphics"?

25
0

Samsung readies bendy smarties for 2013

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

YESSSSS!

It's the phone Nokia Banana fans have been waiting for all these years. AT LAST!

0
0

Watchdog halts Toyota Grand Theft Auto-esque advert

Code Monkey
Gimp

Re: Nothing better to worry about??

They have a point. As soon as I saw that advert I got in my Fiesta and drove it through a plate glass window.

14
0

El Reg mulls commentard icon portfolio shake-up

Code Monkey

Also

Linguine/jub/elephants per second for the inevitable complaints* when an article fails to use the correct Reg units.

* admittedly mostly from me

0
0
Code Monkey

Down with this sort of thing

Careful now

8
0

Amazon Kindle Paperwhite review

Code Monkey
Angel

Paperweight

In an exaggerated Cockney/Aussie accent this sounds like "paperweight". If sales are crap you can have that one for nothing, Reg.

1
1

Take action on climate change OR THE PANDA GETS IT

Code Monkey
Trollface

Hate's a strong word but pandas should meet us halfway. Eat a more varied diet*, have sex once in a while**.

* a reminder: I'm talking about pandas, not my esteemed fellow commentards

** ditto

8
0

Unexpected curiosity cripples Molyneux app

Code Monkey
Pint

Re: Excuse me...

So it's a bit like the old picture-of-a-topless-bird-on-the-thing-with-the-bags-of-nuts-on they had in pubs? Except with no pictures of topless birds, no nuts and you're not in a pub?

I really don't understand the modern world.

7
0

When GiffGaff falls over, is it even news any more?

Code Monkey
Trollface

"When GiffGaff falls over, is it even news any more?"

This sounds almost Confucian. Like the sound of one hand clapping ... presumably clapping slowly in the case of GiffGaff's users.

0
0

Star Wars VII: The Disney Movie signs Toy Story III script genius

Code Monkey
Windows

I wonder if the move to Disney means they'll get round to making those prequels that were touted after Return of the Jedi, which we all know is the THIRD STAR WARS FILM AND THE LAST ONE EVER MADE!

15
0

Man, 19, cuffed after burning Remembrance poppy pic is Facebooked

Code Monkey
Facepalm

Re: Misuse of misuse act!

"strange career move to join the army"

I'm guessing he was conscripted, y'know like most of the army in WWII

1
0
Code Monkey

The man's an arse. However, my granddad's generation went through shit I can't even imagine to protect his freedom to be an arse.

That he's been arrested for this is a bigger affront to those who died in service than burning a poppy.

6
1

Habitable HEAVY GRAVITY WORLD found just 42 light-years away

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

Re: So....

The Great Alien Bake-off. Now you're talking!

0
0

Snake-fondling blonde nude punts Polish coffins

Code Monkey
Gimp

Re: @Crisp: SHOCKED!

NSFW is not a moral (real or otherwise) judgement - it just depends on how puritanical/bored the BOFHs in charge of the smut filters are.

3
0
Code Monkey

Re: SHOCKED!

"I think that it's a bit late to try and cover up the fact that people have nipples."

If only the church would realise this.

8
1