* Posts by Code Monkey

1575 posts • joined 16 Oct 2008

UK's 'Nobel prize for engineering' given to 'inventors of the interwebs'

Code Monkey
Joke

Bang up to date, then. Next year I'm backing James Hargreaves for the Spinning Jenny

8
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Are your servers PETS or CATTLE?

Code Monkey
Windows

Pet? Cattel? Contraptions, more like.

Ours are mostly held together with string and gaffer tape. "Contraptions" is the word I'd use.

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BOFH: My HELPDESK HELL - lies, phones lines and statistics

Code Monkey
Devil

Re: Lies, damned lies and statistics

It didn't really need to end with a "Kzzzerrrt", it was pretty obvious by inference.

Yes it's definitely there, between the lines.

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Oops, they did it again? Britney Spears, Paris Hilton 'LAID BARE ALL OVER THE WEB'

Code Monkey

Re: Mel Gibson

Is that what they call the Scientology payments these days?

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MakerBot demos 3D object scanner that fits on your desk

Code Monkey
Pint

Re: How much you want to bet...

I now have an image of it going around and around on a spike like a mini version of the dubious meat on a kebab shop rotisserie.

Unwelcome as that mental image is, I admire the cruel streak. You may have one upvote and a tiny picture of a beer.

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Dear Facebook: I heard the news today, oh boy

Code Monkey
Trollface

Re: Well...

I'll miss FB when it's gone. I'm not a subscriber but I always keep up with lamebook.com

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LOHAN seeks rocketeer for explosive relationship

Code Monkey
Boffin

I'll have a go. It's not rocket science!

Oh, hang on ...

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Reg readers brew up the ultimate cuppa

Code Monkey

Re: It all depends on the water!

Yorkshire tea is also good in the Midlands. As a Lancastrian it pains me to admit this but I cannot tell a lie. Our water comes from Wales though, so I'm tempted to give the Welsh Brew a go.

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PC World ordered to rip up promo for next-day repair promise

Code Monkey
Windows

Re: Chnaces are....

Did I just defend them?

You've just proved one can't be wrong all the time. Even PC World.

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Honk if the car in front is connected

Code Monkey
Angel

Re: Like Marvin

Assuming Facebook hasn't gone titsup by then, you could poke Mr 40mph to let him know how you feel about his delaying your journey.

2
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Welsh bureaucrats busted for getting political on Twitter, Facebook

Code Monkey
Trollface

Re: The UK Civil Service has a code governing honesty?

"Don't get caught" would be my guess.

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Banged-up Brit hacker hacks into his OWN PRISON'S 'MAINFRAME'

Code Monkey

Re: Why though?

Seems he's a skilled hacker but not that bright.

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Ubuntu 13.04 beta touts search privacy - before it hooks in eBay, IMDb etc

Code Monkey

Why not turn it off by default, Mark? If it's such a stellar feature people will turn it on of their own accord.

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1

Architect pitches builder-bothering 'Print your own house' plan

Code Monkey
Trollface

Re: Including fifteen different building codes? Hostile contractors?

Not to mention Linus popping round to swear at you over your choice of roof.

10
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Spies in the sky: The leaps and bounds from balloons to spook sats

Code Monkey
Pint

PARIS

Such hubris to end on PARIS. Splendid hubris!

[raises tiny picture of a pint]

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25% of Groupon share value WIPED OUT after rates slashed

Code Monkey
Gimp

The last thing I saw on there was that colonic treatment someone passed on for larks.

55% off a hose up the jacksy ... where do I sign up?

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Jimmy Wales: 'I'm Wikipedia's monarch'

Code Monkey
Windows

Oh Jimface, you are a tool.

1
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North Korean citizens told: Socialist haircuts are a thing... go get some

Code Monkey

Socialist haircuts seem to be heavily biased towards the bouffant spectrum, for socialist dudes at least.

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Meet Antarctic sysadmin Richard Youd

Code Monkey

I remember seeing a job ad for a sysadmin with the British Anarctic Survey in the late 90s. I bitterly regretted lacking the UNIX skills.

0
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BBC Vision and Audio tossed on bonfire, replaced by 'TV', 'Radio'

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

Good move

I'm all for that. Call the telly the telly and all that.

1
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Forget wireless power for phones - Korea's doing it for BUSES

Code Monkey
Windows

Formula E

Please, please, please have a round in Yorkshire. Formula E By Gum.

2
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Big Data: Why it's not always that big nor even that clever

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

“Data scientist”

+1 for sarky quotes. Later I'll buy a hot drink from a "coffee scientist".

4
1

$195 BEEELLION asteroid approaching Earth

Code Monkey

Asteroid mining promises to be such a wonderful bubble

I wonder if I can insist that there's no asteroid miining in my pension.

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Intel's new TV box to point creepy spy camera at YOUR FACE

Code Monkey

Re: Camera watching me, watching them...

It's a problem I'd rather not have but if it comes to it I'll gaffer tape over the shutter. Creepy bastards can fuck off.

8
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#Forwhy: American Express lets you pay by tweet

Code Monkey
WTF?

So I Twit to buy something then go down the shop and swipe my credit card? How is this better than ... just going down the shops with my credit card?

Forgive me if this is a stupid question. I'm not much of a shopper.

0
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11-YEAR-OLD code wizard hacks Greedy RuneScape geeks

Code Monkey
Windows

"11-YEAR-OLD code wizard"

Aka "exaggerate the skills of the idiot who was able to get around our idiot security".

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3

British games company says it owns the idea of space marines

Code Monkey
Unhappy

Re: I thought 2012

You're right. 2012 was the the year of the lawyer. As was 2011, 2011, etc. and so on.

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Now UK must look out for crappy SPACE weather - engineers

Code Monkey
Alien

What is that thing in the top left? THAT'S NO MOON!

1
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Don't Menshn the snore: Chick-lit queen's jabber site killed in its sleep

Code Monkey

Nice to gloat at a Tory failure that isn't fucking over the poor and vulnerable.

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12

Seagate squeezes out 4TB desktop monster

Code Monkey
Boffin

Re: Can I format it in FAT16?

Based on the options in "Map network drive" you'd get to Z: and that'd be it.

26 partitions should be enough for anyone, etc. and so on.

2
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Code Monkey

Re: But%20at%20what%20price%3F

That is cobblers. These HDD companies do R&D and that ain't cheap.

Storage is getting exponentially cheaper. and has been for decades. If you want to save money, buy the not-quite-the-latest model.

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Shocked Zynga investors get a penny per share

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

Zynga's stable of timewasters and their "post some shite as status" features were a huge factor in driving me off New Facebook. Even more than the morons, pictures of offspring, copy/pasted mumbo-jumbo, &c.

I guess what I'm saying is I'm grateful to them.

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Profitless internet biz Pinterest seeks $2.5 BILLION valuation

Code Monkey
Headmaster

Cupcakes?

* buns

0
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Facebook burnout: 61% of users have needed a break

Code Monkey

"You'll be back! Mark my words ... you'll be back!"

Not a chance, New MySpace. Not a chance.

0
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Tracy brothers are back: Thunderbirds Are Go! again in 5... 4... 3...

Code Monkey
Black Helicopters

Timing

Is it coincidence that this announcement was made a few weeks after Gerry Anderson's death?

4
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Code Monkey
Happy

Re: with any luck...

Instant (and welcome) earworm for me!

1
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'Gaia' Lovelock: Wind turbines 'may become like Easter Island statues'

Code Monkey

Re: If your names not down your not coming in..

I'd much rather we had green energy from nuclear powerplants

33
1

Reg Hardware Awards 2012: The Winners...

Code Monkey
Mushroom

I'm cancelling my subscription!

The Antique Code Show award going to Lemmings is typical of the anti-Carmageddon BIAS that has ruined this once-fine website. Your writers are nothing but paid SHILLS gobbling away at the Amiga/Psygnosis danglies for all the filthy lucre you can get. And the readers are just SHEEP. SHEEP damnit!

Where's the Reg tombstone icon when I need it?

23
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You thought watching cat videos was harmless fun? Think AGAIN

Code Monkey

Re: Purrfect

Just leave a box next to the pyramid. The cats will use that.

7
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Is your Surface Pro a bit full? Slot in an SD card, it's not from Apple

Code Monkey
Windows

Re: Tablet computer has slot for SD card - Surface deficiency

@Eadon - Buying an SD card. Yeah that's an equivalent pain in the hole to extending your house. Nice analogy.

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3

Google donates 15,000 Raspberry Pis to UK schools

Code Monkey

Re: Google Doing Good Things

Am alternative would be to pay their taxes - then the schools could decide whether to spend the money on Raspberry Pis or not.

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6

Huddled immigrant masses face 'British values' quiz

Code Monkey

"The Sun seems equally happy with the new test"

That tells you all you need to know. Though TBH the previous one was BS, too.

1
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Google: Gov demands for YOUR web data up 70% in just 3 years

Code Monkey
Mushroom

Your government is spying on you

Whichever party they represent, do not trust these bastards!

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Tech titans sell yesterday's idea wrapped in tomorrow's dream

Code Monkey

Re: This is a first

Don't see the point of mentioning Apple

SEO?

1
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Asteroid-mining 'FireFlys' will be ready for action by 2015, vows space firm

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

Re: bubblespace

I'm tempted to play along. Coming soon "Kickstarter Mine Thee Asteroidehs" from the Code Monkey Dept of Wacky Scams.

1
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Entire Reg readership would fill 205 Olympic-sized swimming pools

Code Monkey
Unhappy

Re: There has to be a joke in their somewhere...

More of a golden trickle. 1.66 elephants per day isn't even a paltry 0.00002 elephants per second - the correct measure, as any fule kno.

0
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Ballmer now flings out work rivals, rather than chairs, claims ex-Microsoftie

Code Monkey
Windows

He'll destroy MS

Ballmer will do what Apple, Google, linux, whoever else you care to mention. And best of all, we can all point and laugh while he does it.

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First Google wants to know all about you, now it wants a RING on your finger

Code Monkey
Windows

Re: You have got to be kidding

Big sovereign rings are for Chavs, Google rings would really single you out as a nerd and a plonker, flash it in a bar 'hi babe I'm connected' will probably single you out as the guy to avoid. You will never have sex and you will be alone for the rest of your life.

Nerds will suss out that this is cobblers. It's your company BMW, bluetooth headset rep plonkers that'll lap this up.

0
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This week's BBC MELTDOWN: Savile puppet haunts kids' TV

Code Monkey
Flame

Is "group of people get offended" still news?

If only there were any money in getting offended Britain would be fucking minted.

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Pubic louse falls victim to eager Brazilian strippers

Code Monkey
Devil

Re: I read that as "Public louse..."

Give it a few minutes and I'm sure some (minor or otherwise) politico will oblige.

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