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* Posts by Code Monkey

1556 posts • joined 16 Oct 2008

FLABBER-JASTED: It's 'jif', NOT '.gif', says man who should know

Code Monkey
Windows

"Sequel" every time - unless referring to "Microsoft Squeal Server".

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Code Monkey
Joke

Re: nah mate

"Just asked our graphics guy and he's as 'American' as they come. He said jif... Only Europeans say gif according to him. He could have already read the story though. Hard to trust those graphics guys."

But Americans pronounce "autumn" as "fall".

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Code Monkey

Re: Acronymity...

I tried Joojling it but it wasn't clear.

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Soylent Corporation prepares to DEFEAT FOOD

Code Monkey

Re: Well, maybe it is made from people...

Mmmm. Crowd sauce is the tastiest sauce.

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It! Started! With! A! GIF!... Yahoo! Actually! Buys! Tumblr! for! $1bn!

Code Monkey
Unhappy

Oh dear. I quite liked Tumblr. Now I'll have to start calling it New Flickr.

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UK.gov STILL wants to tout pupil data - don't use the word 'product'

Code Monkey
Childcatcher

Unbelievable

There really is nothing these slimy little shites won't do for a few quid is there?

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Boffins find world's oldest virgin water trapped in Earth's crust

Code Monkey

Re: Freeze it

Each to their own. You can keep your ice but I'll take mine with a splash of 1.5 billion year vintage water.

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Life on Mars means subsisting on grim diet of turd-garden spinach

Code Monkey
Pint

Re: Desire for a brand new combine harvester

Indeed. My interpratation was that the protagonist already has a combine harvester and was boasting of it in an attempt to get into ladies' pants

<- imagine that's a cider. Ooooh-arrr!

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Drone to deliver beer-as-a-service

Code Monkey
Meh

Re: As a guy who once was paid good money to jump out of perfectly good airplanes ...

While I doubt the cans will be jumping from the heights you once did I share your doubts about their accuracy.

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Google's Page, LG boss's SECRET confab sparks Nexus 5 rumour

Code Monkey

"Unlike the Nexus 4 there are no buttons on the front of the device"

There are no buttons on the front of the Nexus 4. Or at least there are no buttons on the front of my Nexus 4.

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Science of the lambs: Boffins grow GLOW-IN-THE-DARK sheep

Code Monkey
Pint

Re: Roast Lamb

The lamb from my local kebab shop does that already

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Code Monkey
Mushroom

Impressive bofinry but where's my flying car, damnit?

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How long will it take Facebook Home to hit 1bn downloads? 76 years

Code Monkey
Trollface

If FB's Android app hasn't improved since I last used it, a goatse launcher would be most apt.

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Ten Windows 8 Ultrabooks

Code Monkey

Fiestas and marketing wonks

If you're looking for a review of the new Fiesta on [well known car review magazine site], it's listed under the "Supermini" category, which is close.

Bastard marketing wonks.

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Ready for the car 2.0? Nvidia preps UPGRADABLE car system

Code Monkey
Thumb Down

No

"Updating dashboard software now, please pull over during the update."

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Dark matter researchers think they've got a signal

Code Monkey
Pint

"What next?"

Pub

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Hardware hacker unifies 15 retro consoles in format frenzy

Code Monkey
Joke

And people complain about the original PS3 being big. Sheesh!

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LOHAN chap to launch Raspberry Pi eye in the sky

Code Monkey
Coat

All hail ...

... the Pimonaut

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Citi to file claim with Nasdaq over Facebook IPOcalypse

Code Monkey

The value of investments can go down as well as up.

Caveat emptor.

Etc.

Do these things not apply to big banks?

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Take a deep breath: No NORKS panic for ICT supply chain … yet

Code Monkey
Pint

Relax

They couldn't organise a nuke in a dictatorship.

They might as well divide the warhead between 20 000 schoolboy catapults.

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Bitcoin exchange: Greedy traders to blame for DDoS attack

Code Monkey
Windows

I've invested in magic beans - which are entirely resistant to DDoS. Yeah take that Bitcoin!

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Bitcoin briefly soars to record $147 high, driven by Cyprus bank flap

Code Monkey

"Can you walk into a Tescos, Asda, Lidl or Aldis and pick-up some Milk and a Head of Lettuce with a Gold bar or a Picasso?"

No but you can be confident the gold bar and Picasso will be worth something in 5 years time.

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Code Monkey

One simply sells them to a fool. Finding that fool ought to be depressingly easy.

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Provider of FIFA goal line tech chosen, tracks ball in space and time

Code Monkey

"Jimmy hat icon please." Re: Pfft

Would that be in the Scottish sense or the Tribe Called Quest sense?

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Facebook prepares to dominate Android

Code Monkey
Windows

Re: I Be Afraid.

If it's anything like the Faceshite app on my old HTC phone, you'll be jailbreaking it to uninstall.

Unless this was an April Fools story, I've really no idea any more.

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Man's 'I own half of Facebook' claim branded 'fabrication' by judge

Code Monkey

"I own half of Future MySpace"

If the case had dragged on for a couple more years, Zuck could've just given him 50p and called it quits.

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Roomba dust-bust bot bods one step closer to ROBOBUTLERS

Code Monkey
Terminator

Re: Needs to be housewife proof

You could probably have that kind of thing installed as an add-on module, if you really want it.

And thus the future unfolds with a whole new category of things-that-A&E-staff-get-to-laugh-about.

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Code Monkey
Terminator

Re: This is a *huge* step forward.

I reckon, ironing would be *the* killer app that gets robo-assistance into so many homes.

Skynet at the cost of never ironing again? It's food for thought, admit it.

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Reg man goes time travelling at iconic observatory

Code Monkey

Re: North-West not North Midlands

There are no hard and fast rules, but my opinion is that the north west begins at Crewe - so Jodrell Bank is definitely just over the border.

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Bitcoin prices spike on Euro woes

Code Monkey

Good grief

Is this like that graph you see where lottery spending rockets the closer you get to the redundancy date?

It'd be better "investing" in the 3:05 at Newmarket than Bitcoin.

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Twitter patents sending messages, promises not to sue everyone

Code Monkey
Stop

Prior art

Usenet

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UK's 'Nobel prize for engineering' given to 'inventors of the interwebs'

Code Monkey
Joke

Bang up to date, then. Next year I'm backing James Hargreaves for the Spinning Jenny

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Are your servers PETS or CATTLE?

Code Monkey
Windows

Pet? Cattel? Contraptions, more like.

Ours are mostly held together with string and gaffer tape. "Contraptions" is the word I'd use.

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BOFH: My HELPDESK HELL - lies, phones lines and statistics

Code Monkey
Devil

Re: Lies, damned lies and statistics

It didn't really need to end with a "Kzzzerrrt", it was pretty obvious by inference.

Yes it's definitely there, between the lines.

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Oops, they did it again? Britney Spears, Paris Hilton 'LAID BARE ALL OVER THE WEB'

Code Monkey

Re: Mel Gibson

Is that what they call the Scientology payments these days?

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MakerBot demos 3D object scanner that fits on your desk

Code Monkey
Pint

Re: How much you want to bet...

I now have an image of it going around and around on a spike like a mini version of the dubious meat on a kebab shop rotisserie.

Unwelcome as that mental image is, I admire the cruel streak. You may have one upvote and a tiny picture of a beer.

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Dear Facebook: I heard the news today, oh boy

Code Monkey
Trollface

Re: Well...

I'll miss FB when it's gone. I'm not a subscriber but I always keep up with lamebook.com

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LOHAN seeks rocketeer for explosive relationship

Code Monkey
Boffin

I'll have a go. It's not rocket science!

Oh, hang on ...

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Reg readers brew up the ultimate cuppa

Code Monkey

Re: It all depends on the water!

Yorkshire tea is also good in the Midlands. As a Lancastrian it pains me to admit this but I cannot tell a lie. Our water comes from Wales though, so I'm tempted to give the Welsh Brew a go.

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PC World ordered to rip up promo for next-day repair promise

Code Monkey
Windows

Re: Chnaces are....

Did I just defend them?

You've just proved one can't be wrong all the time. Even PC World.

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Honk if the car in front is connected

Code Monkey
Angel

Re: Like Marvin

Assuming Facebook hasn't gone titsup by then, you could poke Mr 40mph to let him know how you feel about his delaying your journey.

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Welsh bureaucrats busted for getting political on Twitter, Facebook

Code Monkey
Trollface

Re: The UK Civil Service has a code governing honesty?

"Don't get caught" would be my guess.

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Banged-up Brit hacker hacks into his OWN PRISON'S 'MAINFRAME'

Code Monkey

Re: Why though?

Seems he's a skilled hacker but not that bright.

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Ubuntu 13.04 beta touts search privacy - before it hooks in eBay, IMDb etc

Code Monkey

Why not turn it off by default, Mark? If it's such a stellar feature people will turn it on of their own accord.

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Architect pitches builder-bothering 'Print your own house' plan

Code Monkey
Trollface

Re: Including fifteen different building codes? Hostile contractors?

Not to mention Linus popping round to swear at you over your choice of roof.

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Spies in the sky: The leaps and bounds from balloons to spook sats

Code Monkey
Pint

PARIS

Such hubris to end on PARIS. Splendid hubris!

[raises tiny picture of a pint]

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25% of Groupon share value WIPED OUT after rates slashed

Code Monkey
Gimp

The last thing I saw on there was that colonic treatment someone passed on for larks.

55% off a hose up the jacksy ... where do I sign up?

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Jimmy Wales: 'I'm Wikipedia's monarch'

Code Monkey
Windows

Oh Jimface, you are a tool.

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North Korean citizens told: Socialist haircuts are a thing... go get some

Code Monkey

Socialist haircuts seem to be heavily biased towards the bouffant spectrum, for socialist dudes at least.

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Meet Antarctic sysadmin Richard Youd

Code Monkey

I remember seeing a job ad for a sysadmin with the British Anarctic Survey in the late 90s. I bitterly regretted lacking the UNIX skills.

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