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* Posts by Code Monkey

1553 posts • joined 16 Oct 2008

Fanbois love sex toys: Official

Code Monkey
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Lilac shit?

I don't understand that at all. That makes me glad to be an English HTC-owner.

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Code Monkey
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iRampant iRabbit 4.0

Be careful how you hold it as it may not work as well.

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Code Monkey
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Shafted

Getting shafted by Apple obviously isn't enough for them

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Apple reckons light shines between iPhone customers' ears

Code Monkey
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Now it can't make calls in daylight?

Or is this because of another software cock-up in the previous iPhone.

So glad I don't own one of these!

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Feed curry to sheep, boffins suggest

Code Monkey
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Nice

Maybe it would give the lamb a nice flavour as well - a pre-mortem marinade?

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Fusion reactor eats Euro science budgets

Code Monkey
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Nice analogy

[see title]

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BBC chief acknowledges DAB flop & internet radio

Code Monkey
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Radio on iPlayer

"Listeners are discovering radio on iPlayer in spite of the BBC's help, not because of it."

They're not exactly hiding it. On the default BBC home page there are "Listen Live" (iPlayer) links to all national BBC stations.

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'The internet's completely over', declares petulant Prince

Code Monkey
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U2

Yup. Bono's a complete bellend. Sting's another. One of the things I miss about the post-Facebook world is the pictures of Sting looking like a twat group - seriously FB users, search for it and be amazed!

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Code Monkey
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Oh there's a meerkat

Your best years are well behind you, Prince. I can't see many people giving a rat's jacksy about your latest wankramble.

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Nine Inch Nails guy scores Facebook movie... bitch!

Code Monkey
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Facebook Movie

"Frank just had a dump, lol" spun out to feature-length.

One to avoid methinks.

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6music wins possible reprieve from BBC Trust

Code Monkey
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Auntie doesn't get much right...

...but this is fantastic news.

There isn't anything else like it broadcasting in the UK. I love the feeling of being able to switch it on at any hour of the day, confident that there's quality music (especially music that I'd not heard of) to be had.

Save 6music!

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Beware of cold call scammers pushing rogue antivirus

Code Monkey
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Larks

Lots of tales about stringing them along for larks - which is exactly what I'd do. Bless you Reg readers, bless you all!

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Apple denies iPhone 4 antenna glitch, blames inaccurate signal bars

Code Monkey
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Crap reception

Crap reception unless you hold it in a special way or put an expensive rubber band around it. Pull the other one, Jobs.

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Code Monkey
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"wank boutique"

[applauds]

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Apple speaks out on iPhone 4 signal slippage

Code Monkey
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Sounds like

Authentic frontier gibberish

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Beeb reinstates teaboy in Pestogate scandal

Code Monkey
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BBC changes photo on website

Slow news day?

This stopped being funny 2 stories ago.

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IPVision FetchTV SmartBox 8000 DVR

Code Monkey
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FAIL

They want my credit card details?

Then they can chuff right off.

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BCS rebels apologise ahead of crunch meeting

Code Monkey
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The Chartered Institute for IT - Enabling Waffle Waffle Waffle

The British Computer Society is a fantastic name. A great example of plain English. The proposed rebranding sounds like it was dreamt up by a committee of MBA waving recent graduates who couldn't accomplish any IT task more difficult than opening an email attachment.

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Finn finishes Finnish mini-digger odyssey

Code Monkey
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Wonderfully pointless

Add to that a little rapturous applause from an overheating IT office in the Midlands, too. Well done Finnish nutter!

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Hornby opens part-time visitor centre

Code Monkey
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Airfix

Airfix _don't_ make models?

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Apple support-drone scripts leaked

Code Monkey
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Hmm

Apple really are a bit bobbins aren't they?

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Nipper's naked arse provokes Street View outrage

Code Monkey
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Simple solution

Just make your child put some damned clothes on!

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Disgruntled fanbois sought for iPhone 4 Apple prosecution

Code Monkey
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How to get an Applephobe to change his mind...

...send in the lawyers. So in the spirit of my enemy's enemy is my friend: go Steve!

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Oklahoma granny sues cops over tasering

Code Monkey
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Wow

Who the hell are these chimps that can't handle an 86-year-old without resorting to a Taser?

Stop the world, I want to get off.

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Spanish firm raided in logic-bomb backdoor probe

Code Monkey
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Backdoor probe

May I be the 1057th person to congratulate you on your use of the phrase "backdoor probe"?

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England versus Germany: Quaff real ale

Code Monkey
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Heh

My colleague tried that on Wednesday. He was still working out which permutations meant we avoided Germany when I told him they'd played on Wednesday night and won the group.

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Code Monkey
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Hops

Not just for the hops, not just for the Germany game - lager is pish anyway.

Mine's the one with the bottle of Holdens Golden Glow in the pocket

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Middle-aged sex: The X-rated photo guide

Code Monkey
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Superb

Where's the standing ovation icon?

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Jobs tells iPhone users to get a grip

Code Monkey
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Like the puck mouse no doubt:

Pretty but painful for the larger handed gentleman (or gentlewoman) to use for any length of time.

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Motorola punts mega huge Droid phone

Code Monkey
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Nope

I reckon the Canadian "punt" would apply very well to this phone, eh?

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Yahoo!'s 'interwebs MySQL' crunches four years of Twitter

Code Monkey
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Trstrank: 8.3?

Any company still making their software components conform to 8.3 is not to be trsted.

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Redback spiders provoke BAE lock-down

Code Monkey
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Hairspray

Hairspray + lighter make a lovely flamethrower. I was once nearly thrown out of a niteclub (SIC) for demonstrating this.

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Code Monkey
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Antidote

I'm guessing that's because they have antidote. I doubt Preston's hospitals are as well stocked as those in Oz.

PS I like spiders - they eat flies. My enemy's enemy and all that.

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Android apps: Shifty little bleeders

Code Monkey
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I agree

I was quite alarmed to see the very first game I wanted to download from the Android marketplace wanted access to the dialler. I decided it could fuck off.

The warnings are there but I'm sure there are a lot of people that won't understand or won't care.

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No secret to stopping XSS and SQL injection attacks

Code Monkey
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Prepared statements...

...are exactly as secure and a lot easier to read/write/understand - especially in a hurry.

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Twitter on a ZX Spectrum

Code Monkey
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Top nostalgia - thanks Reg

Ah happy days indeed. Hours of typing line after line of BASIC from C&VG (hoping not to forget to save before my Spectrum overheated) then still hours more debugging their shoddy code*. By the time I'd done this 3 or 4 times I could more or less write simple games for myself.

OK iPlayer, YouTube and whathaveyou are all good but IT (sorry, computing) was never as exciting as back in the 80s!

* I never did work out whether this was the Meccano way - put a few mistakes in so people learn; or just cos the fellas who wrote these games weren't very good.

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Renew your firearms licence via your iPhone

Code Monkey
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Freeing up valuable cop time

A few people in this country need guns, others want to have them. I reckon more time spent checking both groups are people who should have them is far from wasted.

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Pakistani lawyer petitions for death of Mark Zuckerberg

Code Monkey
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Civilised?

I really loathe this definition of the West as civilised/other parts of the world as uncivilised.

For a start it's a distinction that's been used over millennia to justify all manner of atrocities, like the genocides of aboriginal Australians and native Americans. More recently it's that sort of thinking that's allowed the vileness we saw in Abu Grahib.

Secondly it's bollocks. Ask an assylum seeker, forced to survive on Red Cross food vouchers in "civilised" Britain.

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Inevitable Mac OS X 10.6.4 update problems surface

Code Monkey
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Linux > Ubuntu

And better distros update with much less drama

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Killer piranha stalk Folkestone pond

Code Monkey
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Piranha

Piranha are the Chuck Norrises of the fish world. Of course they can drag his line 500 yards in a 200 foot pond.

Don't f... ...irahna with pirahna

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Got an iPhone 4 yet? No? You're gonna have to wait now

Code Monkey
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I wouldn't bother

It's a phone. Just a phone.

You don't need a new phone, you want a new phone.

There is a difference.

This also applies to new Blackberries, HTCs and whatever else you care to mention.

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Twitter topples over

Code Monkey
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Me too

But I was never cool

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Sony Vaio P netbook

Code Monkey
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£800

Ay carramba!

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Philips SHQ3000 washable earphones

Code Monkey
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Look like a good bet

I find that "gym earphones" tend to be a combination of grossly uncomfortable and too fragile. Has someone finally got it right?

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Fujifilm Finepix HS10 bridge camera

Code Monkey
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Jobs Horns

"There’s even one in the iPhone 4"

Unless the iPhone 4's camera is a massive improvement on its older brothers' cameras, this is not a huge endorsement.

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Google's Wi-Fi sniff probe reveals 'criminal intent' - PI

Code Monkey
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Yup

E.g. Tesco regularly invite me into their stores (whenever I watch telly) and they don't lock up their sprouts. That doesn't mean if I help myself to a nice bag of free sprouts that I can get away with it. If spotted I'll be done for shoplifting (sproutlifting?).

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Code Monkey
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Stupid, yes

I'll gladly concede that users are stupid not to secure their networks. That does not allow Google to prey on their stupidity (well not by half-inching their data at least).

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O2 to step back from unlimited mobile data deals

Code Monkey
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Just in time

I got my HTC Desire and "unlimited" data plan last week. Just in time*

* Just in time for O2 - if they'd denied me I'd have gone to Orange**

** I'd have swallowed their foolish animal tariff names for "unlimited" data

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Owner of Russia's biggest breasts sues over airline buffeting

Code Monkey
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Pete Burns

I saw Pete Burns in a club a few years ago. The pictures are bad, the reality is truly terrifying. He's a fookin beast!

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Code Monkey
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Classy

As if having wazongas bigger than her head (I'm guessing) isn't tasteless enough, she has to go around suing everybody as well.

Classy, classy, classy

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