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* Posts by Code Monkey

1559 posts • joined 16 Oct 2008

Seagate announces ugly diskless NAS filer

Code Monkey

My sort of kit

Big lumps of metal, that's the look I'm after! Well done Seagate for bucking the trend!

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Famous 'Invisible Gorilla' trick vid gets sequel

Code Monkey

Roundabout

The roundabout one's a bugger. I've had a few close shaves myself (both as potential crasher and crashee)..

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Apple bars radiation nanny from App Store

Code Monkey

I agree with Apple

Blimey. First Arjen Robben keeps his feet after being tackled now this. What is going on?

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SCO rises from the dead (again)

Code Monkey
Coat

Welcome back SCO!

Fair enough we're not short of laughs in our industry but as a comedy franchise, SCO is going for some sort of record. Maybe we should start calling them UNIX Academy.

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Barnet and West Sussex breach DPA

Code Monkey

Depressingly familiar

Not shooting the messenger here, Reg. You're right to report it but this kind of story is becoming depressingly familiar. I fear the planned public sector spending cuts will mean that data-handling training is only going to get worse.

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iRiver Story to preface WHSmith entry into e-book biz

Code Monkey

Paper ain't broke - don't fix it

For £250 you could buy 40-50 paperbacks and just read, y'know, them.

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Fanbois love sex toys: Official

Code Monkey

Lilac shit?

I don't understand that at all. That makes me glad to be an English HTC-owner.

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Code Monkey

iRampant iRabbit 4.0

Be careful how you hold it as it may not work as well.

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Code Monkey

Shafted

Getting shafted by Apple obviously isn't enough for them

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Apple reckons light shines between iPhone customers' ears

Code Monkey

Now it can't make calls in daylight?

Or is this because of another software cock-up in the previous iPhone.

So glad I don't own one of these!

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Feed curry to sheep, boffins suggest

Code Monkey

Nice

Maybe it would give the lamb a nice flavour as well - a pre-mortem marinade?

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Fusion reactor eats Euro science budgets

Code Monkey

Nice analogy

[see title]

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BBC chief acknowledges DAB flop & internet radio

Code Monkey

Radio on iPlayer

"Listeners are discovering radio on iPlayer in spite of the BBC's help, not because of it."

They're not exactly hiding it. On the default BBC home page there are "Listen Live" (iPlayer) links to all national BBC stations.

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'The internet's completely over', declares petulant Prince

Code Monkey

U2

Yup. Bono's a complete bellend. Sting's another. One of the things I miss about the post-Facebook world is the pictures of Sting looking like a twat group - seriously FB users, search for it and be amazed!

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Code Monkey

Oh there's a meerkat

Your best years are well behind you, Prince. I can't see many people giving a rat's jacksy about your latest wankramble.

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Nine Inch Nails guy scores Facebook movie... bitch!

Code Monkey

Facebook Movie

"Frank just had a dump, lol" spun out to feature-length.

One to avoid methinks.

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6music wins possible reprieve from BBC Trust

Code Monkey

Auntie doesn't get much right...

...but this is fantastic news.

There isn't anything else like it broadcasting in the UK. I love the feeling of being able to switch it on at any hour of the day, confident that there's quality music (especially music that I'd not heard of) to be had.

Save 6music!

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Beware of cold call scammers pushing rogue antivirus

Code Monkey

Larks

Lots of tales about stringing them along for larks - which is exactly what I'd do. Bless you Reg readers, bless you all!

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Apple denies iPhone 4 antenna glitch, blames inaccurate signal bars

Code Monkey

Crap reception

Crap reception unless you hold it in a special way or put an expensive rubber band around it. Pull the other one, Jobs.

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Code Monkey

"wank boutique"

[applauds]

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Apple speaks out on iPhone 4 signal slippage

Code Monkey

Sounds like

Authentic frontier gibberish

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Beeb reinstates teaboy in Pestogate scandal

Code Monkey

BBC changes photo on website

Slow news day?

This stopped being funny 2 stories ago.

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IPVision FetchTV SmartBox 8000 DVR

Code Monkey
FAIL

They want my credit card details?

Then they can chuff right off.

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BCS rebels apologise ahead of crunch meeting

Code Monkey

The Chartered Institute for IT - Enabling Waffle Waffle Waffle

The British Computer Society is a fantastic name. A great example of plain English. The proposed rebranding sounds like it was dreamt up by a committee of MBA waving recent graduates who couldn't accomplish any IT task more difficult than opening an email attachment.

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Finn finishes Finnish mini-digger odyssey

Code Monkey

Wonderfully pointless

Add to that a little rapturous applause from an overheating IT office in the Midlands, too. Well done Finnish nutter!

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Hornby opens part-time visitor centre

Code Monkey

Airfix

Airfix _don't_ make models?

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Apple support-drone scripts leaked

Code Monkey

Hmm

Apple really are a bit bobbins aren't they?

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Nipper's naked arse provokes Street View outrage

Code Monkey

Simple solution

Just make your child put some damned clothes on!

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Disgruntled fanbois sought for iPhone 4 Apple prosecution

Code Monkey

How to get an Applephobe to change his mind...

...send in the lawyers. So in the spirit of my enemy's enemy is my friend: go Steve!

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Oklahoma granny sues cops over tasering

Code Monkey

Wow

Who the hell are these chimps that can't handle an 86-year-old without resorting to a Taser?

Stop the world, I want to get off.

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Spanish firm raided in logic-bomb backdoor probe

Code Monkey

Backdoor probe

May I be the 1057th person to congratulate you on your use of the phrase "backdoor probe"?

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England versus Germany: Quaff real ale

Code Monkey

Heh

My colleague tried that on Wednesday. He was still working out which permutations meant we avoided Germany when I told him they'd played on Wednesday night and won the group.

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Code Monkey

Hops

Not just for the hops, not just for the Germany game - lager is pish anyway.

Mine's the one with the bottle of Holdens Golden Glow in the pocket

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Middle-aged sex: The X-rated photo guide

Code Monkey

Superb

Where's the standing ovation icon?

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Jobs tells iPhone users to get a grip

Code Monkey

Like the puck mouse no doubt:

Pretty but painful for the larger handed gentleman (or gentlewoman) to use for any length of time.

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Motorola punts mega huge Droid phone

Code Monkey

Nope

I reckon the Canadian "punt" would apply very well to this phone, eh?

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Yahoo!'s 'interwebs MySQL' crunches four years of Twitter

Code Monkey

Trstrank: 8.3?

Any company still making their software components conform to 8.3 is not to be trsted.

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Redback spiders provoke BAE lock-down

Code Monkey

Hairspray

Hairspray + lighter make a lovely flamethrower. I was once nearly thrown out of a niteclub (SIC) for demonstrating this.

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Code Monkey

Antidote

I'm guessing that's because they have antidote. I doubt Preston's hospitals are as well stocked as those in Oz.

PS I like spiders - they eat flies. My enemy's enemy and all that.

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Android apps: Shifty little bleeders

Code Monkey

I agree

I was quite alarmed to see the very first game I wanted to download from the Android marketplace wanted access to the dialler. I decided it could fuck off.

The warnings are there but I'm sure there are a lot of people that won't understand or won't care.

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No secret to stopping XSS and SQL injection attacks

Code Monkey

Prepared statements...

...are exactly as secure and a lot easier to read/write/understand - especially in a hurry.

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Twitter on a ZX Spectrum

Code Monkey

Top nostalgia - thanks Reg

Ah happy days indeed. Hours of typing line after line of BASIC from C&VG (hoping not to forget to save before my Spectrum overheated) then still hours more debugging their shoddy code*. By the time I'd done this 3 or 4 times I could more or less write simple games for myself.

OK iPlayer, YouTube and whathaveyou are all good but IT (sorry, computing) was never as exciting as back in the 80s!

* I never did work out whether this was the Meccano way - put a few mistakes in so people learn; or just cos the fellas who wrote these games weren't very good.

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Renew your firearms licence via your iPhone

Code Monkey

Freeing up valuable cop time

A few people in this country need guns, others want to have them. I reckon more time spent checking both groups are people who should have them is far from wasted.

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Pakistani lawyer petitions for death of Mark Zuckerberg

Code Monkey

Civilised?

I really loathe this definition of the West as civilised/other parts of the world as uncivilised.

For a start it's a distinction that's been used over millennia to justify all manner of atrocities, like the genocides of aboriginal Australians and native Americans. More recently it's that sort of thinking that's allowed the vileness we saw in Abu Grahib.

Secondly it's bollocks. Ask an assylum seeker, forced to survive on Red Cross food vouchers in "civilised" Britain.

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Inevitable Mac OS X 10.6.4 update problems surface

Code Monkey

Linux > Ubuntu

And better distros update with much less drama

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Killer piranha stalk Folkestone pond

Code Monkey

Piranha

Piranha are the Chuck Norrises of the fish world. Of course they can drag his line 500 yards in a 200 foot pond.

Don't f... ...irahna with pirahna

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Got an iPhone 4 yet? No? You're gonna have to wait now

Code Monkey

I wouldn't bother

It's a phone. Just a phone.

You don't need a new phone, you want a new phone.

There is a difference.

This also applies to new Blackberries, HTCs and whatever else you care to mention.

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Twitter topples over

Code Monkey

Me too

But I was never cool

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Sony Vaio P netbook

Code Monkey

£800

Ay carramba!

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Philips SHQ3000 washable earphones

Code Monkey

Look like a good bet

I find that "gym earphones" tend to be a combination of grossly uncomfortable and too fragile. Has someone finally got it right?

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