* Posts by Code Monkey

1575 posts • joined 16 Oct 2008

Australia claims it invented cutting-edge tech before rest of world

Code Monkey

They can rack off

The "axe" found was one of dozens normally found hanging from prehistoric hats.

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Roman 'Leatherman' spied on web

Code Monkey

Nice

Next you'll be telling us the Romans invented the spork

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The 99p mobile phone: What's the catch?

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

Smaller phones

I've just gone back to my old T303 after my HTC bricked. It's effin tiny and Droppy Shapes Game whizzes on anything I've found in Android Marketplace. It might even stay bricked.

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Scroogle busted again after Google tweak

Code Monkey
Big Brother

Bloat

Google won the search engine war because it was lean, mean and focussed. OK they've got no responsibility whatsoever towards Scroogle but IMO it's a sign that they're getting fat, just like all the other new contenders do eventually.

So who's lining up to take the crown? Bing? Someone else? A rejuvenated Altavista?

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Netbooks: notebook evolved - or stunted throwback?

Code Monkey

All four

For £1500 (and looking like a more money than sense tosser) you can. Personally I'd rather spend £1500 on crisps and beer.

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Code Monkey
Linux

Thump

That's the sound of the nail being hit on the head. I've got a Acer Aspire One and it gets twice the use of my "grown up" laptop. It has a decent keybord and the screen size is fine, even for lightweight photo editing. It's not the fastest but I really object to lugging those extra kg around these days.

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Zuckerberg: the iPad 'is not mobile'

Code Monkey
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Por fin!

At last, a comment that's made this semantic circle jerk worth reading (the comments that is, keep the "Zuckerberg makes a cock of himself" stories coming, Reg).

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How much is Facebook worth?

Code Monkey

Re: Claim your name

Wasn't that about having a "snappy" URL like www.facebook.com/code.monkey* rather than www.facebook.com/?user=gobbledigook

* if there is one it's not me

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Code Monkey

Stay well clear

Zuckerberg and the 499 other select few will make a ton of money out of this. The rest of us should stay well clear. People who are still sore about missing the boat on Microsoft, Google, etc. will chuck money at it and regret doing so until Facebook is as relevant as Friends Reunited.

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Pesky weather grounds Discovery

Code Monkey
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Bah

The Playmonaut would've got em airborne (spaceborne?)

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Toshiba AC100 Android smartbook

Code Monkey
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Rule #1

Don't dick about with the keyboard. Still an early attempt and good to see some "quality" brands introducing these ARM devices. Maybe they'll be mature enough by the time my Aspire One is showing it's age.

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Shut up, Spock! – how Battlestar Galactica beat Trek babble

Code Monkey
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@John Mangan, Gordon 10

Oh righto. Cheers.

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Code Monkey

A wicked case of the bends?

"Rather, you'll get a wicked case of the bends, which occurs when nitrogen bubbles enter the bloodstream. It can prove lethal to ocean divers who surface too quickly."

I'm not sure where this nitrogen's going to come from in a vacuum. I accept that you maybe don't die quite so pyrotechnically as Hollywood suggests but surely it'd be more akin to drowning than the bends?

Nitpicking aside, a good article. I read the lot and haven't even watched New Battlestar Galactica.

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DWP CTO predicts the end of Windows

Code Monkey

It's about Office

Until there's a full fat cloudy Excel and Office Windows will continue to dominate.

It's been the year of desktop Linux for every one of at least the last 10 years. Much as I love the penguin, I'm in the minority. Mobile devices are taking over in the consumer market but business still needs (or thinks it needs) spreadsheets and bloody Powerpoint presentations.

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Times celebrates disappearing readers

Code Monkey

BBC

Good for you. I read the BBC's news site but find it a little light on analysis, heavy on parrotting whatever press release they've just been handed. Auntie's been poor since losing the pissing contest with Blair over reporting the cockamamie reasons for invading Iraq.

For important stuff I want to read a second view. With a backbone.

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Code Monkey

@greedy grasping billionare

Did you honestly expect Murdoch to give it away for free? TBH other newspapers should get their inky fingers out and follow suit or he and the bloggers will be the only game in town. Then we'll really be screwed.

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Code Monkey

Encouraging for the Dirty Digger

I don't read any of his papers, but if the Graun did similar I'd probably sign up for £2 a week.

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Panasonic bags Avatar 3D BD exclusive

Code Monkey

Paul Carrack?

What's a Paul Carrack?

Actually don't bother yourselves. I'm a telly hating not-the-target-demographic anyway.

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Amiga on the block (again)

Code Monkey
WTF?

Amiga Inc.

That Flash animation. Why? I know the Amiga's something of a retro platform but that doesn't mean they should fill their site with 90s web clutter.

It's so bad it's actually compelling. I may return there tonight and mouseover it some more.

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Startup promises money for fanbois

Code Monkey
Jobs Horns

@Quotas

For a lot of marketards, that demographic* would be the only one they give a rat's jacksy about.

* no that does not include me.

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Google rejects spy-happy Android app

Code Monkey

If you want to have an affair

Use a dumbphone. Although the phone companies' marketards would have you believe you'll never pull with one.

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YouTube founder quits

Code Monkey

Hlaska

Complete follocks. I hope that sums up my view on Hlaska.

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Frenchman cuffed for naughty lip-slip email to MEP

Code Monkey

"displaying contempt towards a public servant"

If they ever introduce that law in Blighty I'll turn myself in. And you can throw away the key.

On a serious note, "anonymous" emails aren't big or clever and I'm not that sorry this tool's getting banged up.

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Highest point on the Moon found: Higher than Mount Everest

Code Monkey
Pint

Selenean Summit

Superb, Lewis. Have a beer.

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LOST Vulture One PARIS spaceplane FOUND!!!

Code Monkey

My thoughts exactly

It'd have been a goner if it wasn't for that brave, brave Playmonut

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MYSTERY of vanished PARIS spaceplane, playmonaut

Code Monkey

Won't somebody think of the playmonaut?

Crossing em for you, brave plastic wee man

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Boffins mount campaign against France's official kilogramme

Code Monkey

Good call

Thanks for the metric system and all. It whizzes on pounds and ounces from a great height.

Now it's time to let go before the French "kilo" becomes as anachronistic as the comedy weights and measures it replaced.

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Oracle goes in hard on Google Java suit

Code Monkey

SCO vs Linux 2

So having watched SCO jizz their company up the wall, Larry's decided that's the way he wants to go?

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Vulture One PARIS spaceplane telemetry LIVE ONLINE

Code Monkey

The plane

Ah. Not too impressive a flight (plummet?), then. Still it was fun following it on Twitter. I'm not registering though, I've no desire to become one of you twats

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Ms. Gates: 'Bill does not use a Mac'

Code Monkey

I'd prefer an MP3 player

Seriously. I like Sabbath but no way do I want Ozzy in my house.

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Code Monkey

Linux is a cancer?

OK I know that wasn't billg but I bet whoever it was that did say it didn't earn a public bollocking the next morning.

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Code Monkey

I wouldn't trust MS Tardis

It'd just take you back to the really shitty part of the 70s (i.e. most of it).

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Code Monkey

Pity the litte Gateses

All that money and you have to settle for a Zune!

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Facebook pages very much public, even when set as private

Code Monkey

Yes

Personally I draw the line at my status updates, photos, etc. leaking out.

The fact that I'm discoverable is something I can live with. In fact it's one of the key advantages of Facebook. If you (not you personally, Letters to the Editor, I just loathe the word "one") don't like the discoverability you really should stick to email.

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EU to lift flight ban on carry-on liquids

Code Monkey

Expect lobbying

I'm expecting opposition from the shops by the departure gates.

Bottle of water sir? That'll be an arm and a leg. It's for your own safety, sir.

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Drug-addled scooter twock teen hit with bizarre crypto ban

Code Monkey

"providing he can find a really insecure computer"

There's an old Win98 box in the office that he'd be welcome to.

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Vulture 1 spaceplane launch countdown on hold

Code Monkey

"donkey transport"

As you're launching from Spain, I'm assuming that's not a joke.

¡Buen viaje Paris!

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Microsoft sings Happy Birthday to Windows 7

Code Monkey

I rather like it

By preference I use linux but I use Windows 7 for work. It's not perfect but, after working out how to turn off the worst excesses of the GUI, I rather it. It's stable, so far, and gets out of the way of my doing my job. Nice one MS

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Apple threatens Java with death on the Mac

Code Monkey

And this is THE REGISTER

Which is read by DEVELOPERS and other IT PROFESSIONALS who might have A BIT MORE INTEREST in the matter than your average CONSUMER.

I'm off for a lie down after all that MORONIC CAPITALISATION

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Easynet axes 1 in 20 staff

Code Monkey

Easynet

I used to use them for dialup internet back in the day, and hosted a few of my early sites with them. Their support was good (you'd usually talk to the same person each time - try that one BT!) and they had some good ideas like FreeNetName (remember them?).

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List-makers battle to keep football fixture lists protection

Code Monkey

Small wonder

Small wonder crowds are shrinking

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Code Monkey

Nicknames

Has anyone ever tried publishing them as nicknames:

Gooners vs Bin-dippers, Sat 3pm

Citeh vs Spuds Sun 1pm

etc.

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Osborne details painful cuts for UK

Code Monkey

Cameron

Putting the "n" in "cuts" (nicked off the News Quiz and repeated endlessly).

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TomTom adds Star Wars voices to iPhone app

Code Monkey

Tha's got for't get satnav

I was holding out for a stressed sounding Welsh voice doing the directions in the style of rally pace notes. Yoda is a good enough second prize to consider trading in my sense of direction for satnav.

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Boxee box to come to Blighty

Code Monkey

It does look nice, though

I agree it's not the most practical of shapes but it is pretty. I've got a PS3 though, so won't bother buying one.

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Vatican confirms Simpsons as Catholics

Code Monkey

Babelfish

Given most Catholic outpourings start as gibberish, I'd be interested to see what Babelfish made of them. Not interested enough to wait for it to load, of course...

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Code Monkey

Yup

It was Flanders though, so a heretical Wossnametarian baptism (from a Catholic POV).

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Top cyber crime cop lied under oath, says judge

Code Monkey

Another lesson in life

ACAB - or at least enough of them are that the few decent ones haven't got a fucking chance.

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Microsoft steers OEMs away from putting Phone 7 on Tablets

Code Monkey

You're right...

...up to a point. It's true most consumers don't give a monkey's about the source; nor, I think, do some manufacturers.

Manufacturers do appreciate an OS that works and they can adapt to different devices. With this latest missive, MS want a greater say in which OS goes on which class of hardware. When they're competing against the comparitively free (as in "and easy") Android, this is daft.

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Lexmark adds Twitter to printer

Code Monkey

"Restrictions"

Do you mean a tax on printers?

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