* Posts by Code Monkey

1559 posts • joined 16 Oct 2008

MSI Windows webpad goes on sale

Code Monkey
Thumb Down

No thanks

I can wedge doors open for a lot less than £500 plus virus scanner.

2
2

Gatwick Airport security swoops on 3-inch rifle

Code Monkey

They used to

Til people had trouble flying with them...

0
0
Code Monkey

Jobsworth Morons

It's easy to point, roll your eyes and call them jobsworth morons, and you'd be right of course.

7
0

O2 to upgrade southern UK network

Code Monkey

That's nice

Any chance of putting some 2G coverage in the North while you're at it? O2 coverage is bobbins near my folks.

2
0

Gov unveils plans to reduce employment tribunal claims

Code Monkey
Flame

Anyone remember voting for this?

Given that employees typically move on after 2 years, this has killed the right to claim unfair dismissal for most people. Throw in a fee and we're completely fucked.

(I'm not typical, mind, I've been code monkeying here a dashed long time.)

7
0

Hubble squints at most distant galaxy

Code Monkey
Happy

That's why...

That's why they're NASA and your kids aren't. Me? I can't find my arse with both hands most mornings.

1
0

Cameroonians cleared in 'surreal' dyed banknote scam

Code Monkey

I always thought...

I always thought you can't trust Cameron.

2
0

Blackadder style chemists transform gold into purest ... purple

Code Monkey

Boffins

On the subject of boffins, on the bench for West Ham last night was one Ruud Boffin. What a tremendous loss for science.

3
0

HP Palm tablet specs outed

Code Monkey
Troll

If I were in the market for another gadget

I'd buy this rather than join Jobs' circus of controlfreakery

1
1

Intel sings duet with Black Eyed Pea will.i.am

Code Monkey

Hip hop names

A sure way to come across as a complete bell.e.nd

1
0

Bookshop swaps Kindles for real books

Code Monkey

HIs business is under threat.

It's a dumb stunt but his business is under threat. The market for stores other than Amazon selling Kindle books is pretty much zero. Amazon's already killed off countless bookshops and the Kindle will account for a lot of those remanining.

I'm also sad to say I rarely buy books other than from Amazon and plan to get a Kindle once my "to read" pile's a bit less brutal. Sorry bookshops, I liked you but you can't compete.

1
0

Motorists' e-car interest revs up

Code Monkey

Press one if your car is on fire

If that's the case, better hope their call centre is in the UK

0
0

Ten... fitness gadgets

Code Monkey

Revomaze

By crikey that looks fun. Cheers Reg!

0
0

Microsoft Windows guru turns to cybercrime (fiction)

Code Monkey
Joke

And if anyone knows about poor security...

...it's an ex-Windows "guru"

5
0

End of the line for ID cards

Code Monkey

Passport?

Is it just me that uses my passport for internal flights (despite the 10 year old photo that looks nothing like me)

0
0

Duke Nukem Forever release date revealed

Code Monkey

It's Friday

Duke Nukem Forever release date. Yeah nice try Reg. Pull the other one, it's got an Amiga on it.

5
0

Bogus Kama Sutra presentation opens your backdoor to hackers

Code Monkey
Coat

Open this file...

...and your're fooked.

0
1

Archeologists toast world's oldest wine press

Code Monkey

Ritual

It's Archaeologist for "we don't know what it's for"

11
0

Yorks cops bust Bradford guinea pig farm

Code Monkey

Why take her out of work?

They only suspect she's growing weed. She's not likely to do a runner so why subject her to the embarrassment of showing up at her place of work?

Stupid, stupid plod.

8
0

Italian bloke sneezes out .22 bullet

Code Monkey

Hit by a stray round

Holy fuck! Clearly my New Years are lightweight

8
0

NASA trumpets rocky exoplanet find

Code Monkey
Headmaster

"bone-fide"

Oh good Lord!

Still, well done on finding the planet, NASA

1
0

Ptable: It’s all about the interface

Code Monkey

Pah

Not a path on the Periodic Tablecloth of Swearing

http://shop.moderntoss.com/?q=periodic+tablecloth

(I've nothing to do with Modern Toss, I just appreciate a good swear.)

1
0

Google battles Derby cops over access to Street View data

Code Monkey

Aaaaand normality is restored

After defending plod over retaining 999 caller data I'm back to thinking they're a bunch of arrogant shitebags who think they're above the law.

34
3

Runaway hydroponic fungus attacks real-world Starship Voyager

Code Monkey

Ex-wife

Figures

3
0

Fit your old MacBook Air with turbo flash, bitchslap the new ones

Code Monkey

I believe them

In these days of uberfast processors and mahoosive wads of RAM, disk IO has long been the bottleneck. Those of you crazy enough to splash out on x.0 Apple kit could do worse than voiding your warranties on this.

0
0

iPhone-wielding chumps rush to give data to phish sites

Code Monkey
Happy

Correlation

So there's a correlation between people who pay £70 a month for a mobile phone and people who trustingly give their details to criminals? Goodness me.

24
1

Called 999 recently? They've got your number

Code Monkey

CRB Check

I do have to be CRB checked for work. That I dialled 999 (for a genuine crime) in recent years isn't recorded.

0
0
Code Monkey

Not that surprising really

I'm no fan of plod retaining needlessly retaining data but there is a definite need here.

Whether you're dialling 999 to report a genuine crime or to, say, ask for an emergency soapy tit-wank (as an old boss claimed someone had done from his house one Christmas) they do need those details.

2
2

Investors fight to buy secret special-offer Facebook equity

Code Monkey

If anyone missed the Facebook boat

I've some prime swamp real estate they can invest in.

1
0

Windows Phone 7 to get cut'n'paste shortly, says Ballmer

Code Monkey

Just like the iPhone

OI BALLMER! JOBS HAS JUMPED OFF A CLIFF!

5
0

Spam volumes shrink over festive season

Code Monkey

Maybe

They all got each other AVG for Christmas (and now their PCs are too slow to send any spam).

0
0

Samsung shows off tablet-cum-netbook convertible

Code Monkey

Pretty, but...

"plus a proprietary port into which you can hook a selection of USB and HDMI adaptors"

These are portable machines. Their poor users shouldn't have to schlep adaptors around just to use USB peripherals.

Manufacturers, why do you do this? CEO's son just finished his undergraduate engineering project?

USB ain't broke!

4
0

Microsoft embraces ARM with Windows 8

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

I don't want ARM Windows, but...

If this prompts a few manufacturers to produce some cheap ARM-based consumer PC hardware then I'm very interested.

1
0

Doctor Who to marry Doctor Who's daughter

Code Monkey

Dalek

You! Will! Love! Honour! And! Obeyyyyyy!

36
0

US gov funds censorship-busting tech alternatives to Wikileaks

Code Monkey

Wow

After a couple of weeks' laziness and limited IT press I'm not ready for such irony. I'm off for a lie down.

God bless the land of the free.

7
0

Ford cars get draconian parental controls

Code Monkey

Spared

I don't know if we're spared as a nation or I'm spared individually by choosing not to listen to such guff.

I suppose the big advantage we Brits have is BBC radio which does have high quality programming (even if not all of it appeals to me).

0
0
Code Monkey

Explicit Radio Stations?

Is there such a thing? There isn't here in the UK anyway (unless you're a very delicate flower and remember John Peel playing records by Bastards in the late 80s).

That said I'd like one that banned Talksport.

4
0

Swedish Pirate Party leader quits due to boredom

Code Monkey

Bored

'He will stay working as a “political evangelist” of the party mainly covering “keynote invitations” in Europe.'

So he'll ditch the work and keep the jollies? Nice work if you can get it.

If it wasn't such shameful horsepucky I'd think about leading the UK's Pirate Party myself.

6
0

Man caught w*nking over Alan Sugar's autobiography

Code Monkey

Wow

And there was me thinking Jodrell, etc. were just a bit of a laugh.

0
0
Code Monkey

In my day

It was a Sherman tank

1
0
Code Monkey

Annus Mirabilis?

Comedy fans might dub 2010 as an "Annus Mirabilis" instead. A top 10 with Playmobil reconstructions would round the year off wonderfully.

0
0
Code Monkey
Pint

"Piers was that you?"

Sralan I don't like you but hats off for that one.

16
0

New spaceplane proposed for NASA station crew contract

Code Monkey

More fuel vs new spaceport?

They're good points but Shirley the fuel savings can't be enough to construct a new facility, especially one in a remote state that's frozen solid for chunks of the year.

1
0

Greek police cuff Anonymous spokesman suspect

Code Monkey

Graun: Inside Anonymous

The Graun ran a great article the other day, which managed to avoid foaming at the mouth criticism and breathless fanboyism. It's well worth a read:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/blog/2010/dec/13/hacking-wikileaks?INTCMP=SRCH

0
0

Google drops nuke on 'objective' search engine utopia

Code Monkey

Sad but true

Google search is going the way of all the old search engines it trounced in its early days. Their hubris generally expressed itself as portalitis, where the race to add features meant that search was generally neglected. Google's hubris manifests as Chrome OS and an appalling lack of respect for its users (and especially its ad customers).

I honestly can't see who would take the crown from here. A web search startup would struggle to get funding ("who are your competitors" "Google" "ah, right - bye then") so maybe we're looking for a rejuvenated Infoseek or something. Hell, even MS are on the ropes enough to get the odd sympathy search from me.

0
0

Google Cr-48: Inside the Chrome OS 'unstable isotope'

Code Monkey

Mobile computer

It's a mobile computer that tips the scales at almost 2kg. Weight is the reason my netbook travels with me and not my ThinkPad. This class of browser only device needs to weigh less than a netbook to make up for the lack of a hard drive.

And it's not just we nerds that want a hard disk. Normal people want to store their music collections, too.

1
0
Code Monkey

Yup

Netbook and laptop pricing does overlap quite a bit, where it becomes a question of "do I want to carry the extra weight?".

If "cloudbook" and netbook pricing overlap I can't see what would prompt me (or anyone else) to get the less capable device.

0
0

Men may be able to grow a new pancreas from their testicles

Code Monkey

Title

Oh nuts

0
0

ITV, C4 catch-up players coming to PS3

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

Fantastic

I agree with the AC above about ITV, unless they're doing the Test highlights on deman. Can it be?

0
0

Top secret payload fired into orbit aboard private rocket

Code Monkey

Le Brouère

That sounds lovely. Dangerous as I've not done the weekend food shopping yet.

0
0

Forums