* Posts by Code Monkey

1575 posts • joined 16 Oct 2008

Vladimir PUTIN officially HARDER than CHUCK NORRIS

Code Monkey

So ... is this just some honourary title cos he's the President, or something genuine like Kim Jung Il's golf prowess?

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ULTIMATE ELECTRIC driving machine? Yes, it’s the BMW i3 e-car

Code Monkey

I realise that being "seen to be green" is kinda the point for a lot of people but I wish manufacturers would make them look like normal cars.

8
1

Latest global menace: ELECTROPULSE NORKS, apparently

Code Monkey
Unhappy

Re: In this country we use privatised electricity companies

I don't mind the odd outage as electricity's so cheap ... oh.

8
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Planet hopper: The Earthly destinations of Doctor Who

Code Monkey

Re: O Canada

They had that big ruckus at Canary Wharf - aka One Canada Square. Will that do you, eh?

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It's the Inter-THREAT of THINGS: Lightbulb ARMY could turn on HUMANITY

Code Monkey
Windows

I'm getting more Luddite as the grey hairs multiply, but what problem does the internet-connected lightbulb solve?

16
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Google's Nexus 5: Best smartphone bang for your buck. There, we said it

Code Monkey

Re: Call Quality?

I can't speak for the Nexus 5 but 4 was awful till it got Jellybean. Since then it's very good.

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Code Monkey

Re: Undecided as yet

I have a Nexus 4 with native Jellybean (Kitkat can't be far off) and there's no branding or GUI nonsense. There is a lot of Google stuff that I don't use and don't want.

In my experience native Android is a huge improvement over the crap-stuffed HTC I had before but I'd like a bit more chance to remove a lot of the Googly bits (though I can't be arsed to do much about it).

Nexus 5 looks good to me but I'll stick with what I have unless it takes a tumble into a pint.

3
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Funds flung at 9-inch fan-built Raspberry Pi monitor

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

I'm interested, but ...

I'm interested, but Feb 2014 seems a very optimisic date for delivery.

[cautious thumbs up icon]

3
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Could Doctor Who really bump into human space dwellers?

Code Monkey
Boffin

Yes he can (and did)

Just look at the countless programmes showing the Doctor and humans in space. I watched the documentary "Nightmare of Eden" over the weekend. Lots on insterstellar travel goings on - not to mention some of the most comical aliens you'll ever see. This sort of evidence is irrefutable.

There are 50 years worth of similar documentaries.

QED

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ROBOT PODS to INVADE Milton Keynes in frenzied automatic MAYHEM

Code Monkey

Re: The future!

I'd welcome them in my own city*. Taxi home for bus prices with no prams/drunks/tinny R&B and no need to make smalltalk with a driver. Yes please!**

* assuming they don't end up reeking of piss

** again, assuming they don't end up reeking of piss - it's worth repeating

6
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Reg reader's nipper takes felt pens to Vulture 2

Code Monkey
Windows

FELT TIP

Freely-Expressed LOHAN Tinted Trim In Pen

1
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Code Monkey
Thumb Up

That's the best I've seen so far. Slap a few Reg stickers on and I reckon you have a winner.

5
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Man+iPhone versus artificial intelligence: Anki robot racer slot cars

Code Monkey
Devil

Re: I want one

Dave126 in turn, you have taken me back to the last time I bought my nephew Lego for Christmas.

1
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Thousands! of! Yahoo! Mail! users! driven! crazy! by! revamp!

Code Monkey
Windows

"Thousands! Of! Yahoo! Mail! Users!

... they're doing better than I'd thought, then.

9
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Oz bookshop to deliver by drone

Code Monkey
Joke

So an improvement on Yodel, then.

4
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BOFH: Welcome to Helldesk, ma'am, may I take your bags?

Code Monkey

One day ...

1
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BOOGIE BALLMER: Steve Dirty Dances at tearful Microsoft leaving do

Code Monkey
Pint

@diodesign

In the meantime, we'll always have the monkey boy dance http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RINizGmhrYo

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Code Monkey
Pint

So long Ballmer. You were tremendous fun. [raises imaginary beer]

1
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'Bet Lynch' types BANNED from zoo for upsetting not-so-wildlife

Code Monkey
Mushroom

Just open the cages

Let these fools take their own chances. It's a dog* eat dog** world.

* lion

** sartorially-challenged onesie bastard

12
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Michael Gove: C'mon kids, quit sexting – send love poems instead

Code Monkey
Windows

Re: Mary had a little lamb, and it was always gruntin'...

Ha!

I shall add poetry to the very long of things not to attempt on a Monday.

0
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Code Monkey

Roses are red

Voilets are blue

I'm often blunt

Gove is <redacted>

2
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E-book him! Entire Judge Dredd back catalogue gets iDevice treatment

Code Monkey

By Grudd that looks a good deal

1
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Microsoft's swipe'n'swirl pic passwords LESS secure than PINs, warn researchers

Code Monkey
Windows

Re: Also

Yes. The unlock pattern for my phone becomes very obvious if I've eaten crisps.

2
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Have you tried turning it off and on again - oh, you did: IT Crowd RETURNS

Code Monkey

Re: We need more documentaries like this

No need for anonymous cowering, there. At least 90% of the people in this industry have worked with (or are) folks like that.

15
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BBC releases MYSTERY RIDDLE poster for Doctor Who anniversary episode

Code Monkey
Alien

Auntie: happy birthday Dr Who! We've got you this

Dr Who: [unwraps] oh, overkill. You shouldn't have. No, really you shouldn't have.

0
2

Tell me why I don't like Moon days: Bob Geldof heads into SPAAACE

Code Monkey

"He is constantly in our faces about giving money to charity"

Churlish much? I've not heard Bob say much about charity since Live8. Hardly "constantly in our faces".

If someone offers you a trip to space, you take it.

5
2

400 million Chinese people can't speak Chinese: Official

Code Monkey

Re: So how does this compare...

As the number of Chinese wot can't speak Chinese (~400m) is greater than the total number of USians (~300m), therefore it is greater than the number of USians wot can't English talk proper.

We (I) need an anti-joke chicken icon

2
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Boffinry breakthrough OF THE DECADE: Teens 'influenced' by friends

Code Monkey
Holmes

Splendid boffinry

Perhaps the boffins can now turn their attention to where bears make stool.

1
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WIN a RockBLOCK Iridium satellite comms module

Code Monkey

FLAPS

Flying LOHAN Aeroplane Protection System

1
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Facebook strips away a bit more of your privacy – but won't say why

Code Monkey
Mushroom

Shit off Zuck

... is my considered response.

18
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Meet the world's one-of-a-kind ENORMO barge-bowling bridge of Falkirk

Code Monkey
Pint

An utterly sensible solution that looks utterly bonkers. Goodonyers Scottish canal boffins.

20
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'Symbolic' Grauniad drive-smash was not just a storage fail

Code Monkey
Big Brother

Stupidity? Malice? Both?

I really can't work out whether this is stupidity malice, or both. I suspect the former.

0
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Windows NT: Remember Microsoft's almost perfect 20-year-old?

Code Monkey

Ah NT4.0. I ran it for years after its official end of life and it never went wrong. Never.

2
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Boffin blends benevolent beer

Code Monkey
Pint

Aussie pish

An Australian wants us to trust him to add things to a beer that won't ruin the taste? In the case of Aussie pish he's probably right.

3
1

AREA 51 - THE TRUTH by the CIA: Official dossier blows lid off US secrets

Code Monkey
Alien

It shows how tragic these UFO fantasists are. Whatever you think about its purpose, the SR-71 is a marvel of human engineering. That people can't appreciate what we're capable of without having to imagine little grey men is sad.

34
3

AOL boss: Soz about that 'Abel, you're fired!' Patch showdown

Code Monkey

No such thing as bad publicity?

I mean, who knew AOL still existed?

6
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Norway BANS Apple from Oslo's skies: No aerial Maps app snaps allowed

Code Monkey

Silly Norwegian government

This is a perfectly sensible decision ... if you ignore Streetview.

8
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Jurors start stretch in the cooler for Facebooking, Googling the accused

Code Monkey
Thumb Down

Being a juror is a serious business. You're asked to decide on something that could lead to someone doing a lot of time - or that an innocent person be punished and the guilty go free.

Don't talk about the case (on or offline), don't Google the defendants, etc. These rules might seem harsh but they're clear enough. Don't piss about.

63
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IT Crowd thesp eyes giant hot-air-filled FLYING SCROTUM

Code Monkey
Coat

Re: Fire up the pun-o-tron

I fear you'll attract a load of old bollocks here.

0
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Burger-rage horse dumps on McDonald's: Rider saddled with fat fine

Code Monkey
Trollface

Re: It's not all that bad

Fresher than their usual burgers, then.

0
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PHWOAR! Huh! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing, Prime Minister

Code Monkey
Childcatcher

You seem to be suggesting that parents take responsibility for their children. That's not the 21st century way!

33
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Secret ROYAL BABY birth VIDEO leaked! (And other malware scams)

Code Monkey
Windows

Hmm

If my Twitter's anything to go by, they're really overestimating people's interest in the lizard-baby.

1
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WAR ON PORN: UK flicks switch on 'I am a pervert' web filters

Code Monkey
Gimp

Pointless

A very quick look at my browsing history will tell you all you need to know about my desire to watch mucky films online.

3
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Beijing fanboi in coma after iPhone 4 shock treatment

Code Monkey
Joke

Re: Hmmm

The later incident was a genuine charger.

... or at least that's what the bloke down the market said.

4
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Tablets? Check. Mobes? Check. What's next, Apple? Fondlable CARS

Code Monkey
Stop

Re: An anternative?

Ford and MS? Getting up half an hour early after Patch Tuesday so my Fiesta can install 16 updates?

Oh gawds no!

2
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Tweet like escaping Hell depends on it, Twitter Catholics told

Code Monkey

How many for rumpo with a choirboy?

Asking for a friend.

1
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Unreal: Epic’s would-be Doom... er... Quake killer

Code Monkey
Windows

This - though for me Unreal came at the time I was falling out of love with computer games. Quake II was the last game I ever finished.

0
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Man sues Apple for allowing him to become addicted to PORN

Code Monkey
Gimp

Re: Does this excuse still work?

"It was not my fault its the (insert anything WEALTHY here)"

FTFY

3
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Microsoft: Still using Office installed on a PC? Gosh, you squares

Code Monkey
Windows

The old rule

"Wait for at least one Service Pack" still applies, I reckon.

6
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Run for your (private) lives! Facebook's creepy Graph Search is upon us

Code Monkey
Gimp

Ooh creepy

I'm tempted to rejoin FB to have a nosey

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