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* Posts by Code Monkey

1553 posts • joined 16 Oct 2008

Nude gardener's arse hauled into court

Code Monkey
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Guess the contents

Guess the contents of a story entitled "Nude gardener's arse hauled into court". Not that difficult, surely?

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HTC Facebook branded, buttoned phones appear online

Code Monkey
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Roll up, roll up!

This is your chance to own next year's MySpace phone!

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TalkTalk goes silent

Code Monkey
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Pint

"Lidl of telephony providers"

Can I be the 1057th commentard to complain it's grossly unfair to compare a fine supermarket to this shower of kronk.

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Boffins develop method of driving computers insane

Code Monkey
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Happy

So not the Turing test...

Maybe the Ballmer test?

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Reg reader lost for words over blank HP keyboard

Code Monkey
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Happy

A long, long time ago

Working at a reseller, we got sent some Danish-localised PCs. I told our marketing manager they were the new EU-approved Pan-European keyboards. Next thing I know our company newsletter has an article about them!

Dumb much?

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Boffins herald end of stiff screens

Code Monkey
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Jobs Horns

Bendy iPhone

Imagine the thousands of ways you can hold this one wrong!

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Code Monkey
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Headmaster

Calm down dear

Maybe the author was just using the iPhone as an e-x-am-ple (and one that scans better than "iPhone/Android/Windows phone/Blackberry/other").

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Samsung quietly lowers tablet graphics chip spec

Code Monkey
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Why I say that

It's true there are users who'll buy Apple no matter what and those that buy what works. I'd say they are the two extremes in this market. In between are the majority of folks who assume a tablet computer is called an "iPad", an MP3 player is called an "iPod" and assume other devices in those categories are knock-offs. Hence my saying they need to be better or cheaper than Apple (ideally both)

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Code Monkey
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Interesting market

The success of the iPad had made this an interesting market. For the majority of *Pad buyers (Apple-phobes aside), Android offerings need iPad-like performance for less or cost signifiantly less to have a chance. Expect a lot more vague claims about performance and read the reviews carefully.

Me? I'm just glad I'm not an early adopter!

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Amazon jumps on time-limited sales

Code Monkey
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Stop

This is the future of shopping isn't it?

Soon buying a pair of kecks will be as much of a pain in the balls as buying a train ticket.

I'm sure it's fun if you like shopping, chase bargains and whatever. Those of us that value our free time a little more are going to end up getting fleeced.

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Apple ex-evangelist Kawasaki pans, praises Jobs

Code Monkey
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Jobs Horns

Apple survived because MORONS exist

It's an easy mistake to make.

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Boffins develop liquid crystal solid-state raygun turret

Code Monkey
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Polarisation gratings

Good progress boffins. Now how do we stick a polarisation gratings to a shark?

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Ubisoft to turn games into movies, TV shows

Code Monkey
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Paris Hilton

Game to Fillum

The genre sucks huge ones but you've got to admire their persistennce.

"One day my boy we'll do a game adaptation that doesn't stink!"

Paris because she sucks big oh what's the use?

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Government slashes consultancy spending

Code Monkey
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Not all cuts are bad

Here's a spending cut we can all support.

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Sikorsky, US Army claim whisper-flapcopter test success

Code Monkey
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Whisper mode

I suspect most of my neighbours would chip in to buy local plod a quieter heilcopter. Then maybe we'd get some sleep

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Pakistani IT admin leaks bin Laden raid on Twitter

Code Monkey
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Not a time for cynicism...

Cynicism no. Sketicism always!

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Robot moon lander airship test enhanced by iPhone app

Code Monkey
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Troll

Location

Just what the fanbois would want. More location-based fun and games.

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Revealed: Secret security plan should Kate leave Wills at the altar

Code Monkey
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Barmy families

Compared to this lot, even the Fritzls look sane

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TomTom sorry for giving customer driving data to cops

Code Monkey
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Headmaster

I agree, but

"authorities should have free access to anything they want" is indeed the regime we now live under but these are anything but I'd not describe it as "liberal".

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Vote now for the best sci-fi film never made

Code Monkey
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all

Not voting at all is effectively a vote for all.

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Cops hunt man who befouled drugstore's cough drop stash

Code Monkey
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Nitpickers unanimous

"Why indeed, when Walgreens is famous for its extensive of goods, from cosmetics and pharmacueticals to general hardware."

I think you something there.

No need to publish my nitpicking.

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Five amazing computers for under £100

Code Monkey
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Stinkypad

Good call. I paid £200 for a T43 last October and it's been solid as a rock.

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Animal lovers stamp on goldfish racing

Code Monkey
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They might be dicks

But that doesn't mean they're wrong.

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Dell refreshes Alienware laptops

Code Monkey
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LAPtops

Rugby players' laps? What about the rest of us?

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Multimillionaire's private space ship 'can land on Mars'

Code Monkey
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Good luck fellas

I'm hugely envious of the generation that saw man land on the moon and would love to live to see the day our species sets foot on another planet.

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Internet child porn investigators net South Aust MP

Code Monkey
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Headmaster

Won't somebody think of the English Language!

Loving the pedantry on this thread!

(FWIW I'm with the "destroy a large proportion of..." crowd).

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US Army to issue Droid dev kit in July

Code Monkey
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Coat

Or...

For those still working in Iraq, Angry Kurds

Mine's the one with... ah what's the use?

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Scottish news site admits coding mishap caused outage

Code Monkey
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Happy

Fair play

Come on web developers. Who hasn't claimed a DDOS was at fault for that shonky code you knocked out at 4 o'clock on a sunny Friday?

Well maybe not so sunny in Scotland.

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Calling all commentards: Want some new icons?

Code Monkey
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Father Ted and Dougal

Down with that sort of thing.

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Code Monkey
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Prob just the horns would be enough

He doesn't have many fans on here (writers or we commentards). No need for a halo.

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Code Monkey
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Wanker

In honour of Reg's April Fools story, could we have an iPhone iCon for wankers?

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Doctor Who's Elisabeth Sladen dies at 63

Code Monkey
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Sad

This weekend I'll watch The Hand of Fear, raise a glass and probably shed a few tears. What a terrible shame.

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AutoTrader crashes off the road in DDoS congestion

Code Monkey
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DDOS?

Two people using the site at the same time more like. Awful thing that it is!

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Wills and Kate to wed live on YouTube

Code Monkey
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Repulbicans

I'm a staunch Republican and still want the day off.

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Code Monkey
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Re: Is there no escape

Yes. I'll be sitting in a beer garden with a load of other people who don't give a rat's arse about the latest round of the royal circus. It'll be lovely!

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Smartphones eat games handhelds and cameras for lunch

Code Monkey
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Horses for courses

I own a high-end compact that I'd never give up for a smartphone camera but the phone's more than adequate for snapping mates titting around in the pub.

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Rogue Twitter counter app punts survey scam

Code Monkey
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"it does nothing but offer up a worthless survey"

Not quite. It also shows you up as a bit too concerned how many followers you've got.

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Terrorists stamp on Indy's Kate Middleton jelly bean

Code Monkey
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/utter_non_it_angle_rubbish_but_hey_the_readers_love_this_crap/

Splendid stuff!

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Westminster Abbey cashes in on Royal Wedding with ... App

Code Monkey
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Scheming

If she wants to scam some loaded inbreds good luck to her. Maybe hers will be the scandal to rid of these talentless bastards once and for all.

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1000s of websites vanish as TalkTalk lets domain slip

Code Monkey
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Demon

For another £3.60 a month you could go with Demon. You rarely need their support but when you do you tend to get someone who knows what they're talking about*

* or when I last called them, probably 4 years ago

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Dixons' best chance? Quit the UK and move to Sweden

Code Monkey
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Headmaster

It's not a superiority complex

DSG staff _are_ typically clueless and too keen to push rip-off warranties.

That your experience in another country is different is no huge surprise.

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Code Monkey
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For Tesco, substitute Amazon

...and you have my gadget-buying down to a tee. IIRC the last thing I bought from Dixons was a portable cassette player

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Embrace chaos, beat pirates... buy my book, says Mason

Code Monkey
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'"Remixing our culture" my arse'

This

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Code Monkey
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Nah

Just because this tool has vomited a load of buzzwords all over his book cover does not mean we're past it. It just means it's another breathless technology fanboi book we can safely not bother reading.

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Office workers: 'The best way to upgrade a PC is to smash it'

Code Monkey
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Coffee/keyboard

@sT0rNG b4R3 duRiD

Appropriate that I've earned a keyboard upgrade this very lunchtime

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Nissan Leaf electric car

Code Monkey
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In the future, yes

For now if you can't afford to run a petrol car you certainly can't afford a £20k+ for a small hatchback.

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Amazon splatters ads to cut Kindle price

Code Monkey
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Reading email != reading books

Your answer doesn't give any indication that you read books. I don't say that to insult you, just wondering if your experiences of reading and mine are the same.

When I read a book for pleasure (or for work for that matter) I want to completely switch off from the outside world. That means no telly, no phone, no radio and certainly no adverts or user generated crap in *my* book.

Get this right Amazon. I'm tempted by the Kindle but will be easily put off.

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Official iSteve biography gets 2012 release

Code Monkey
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Jobs Horns

iFawning iTripe

"Just as he did with Einstein and Benjamin Franklin, Walter Isaacson is telling a unique story of revolutionary genius."

Really? And there was me thinking he designed some computers and gadgets.

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HTC Android tablet priced up for Blighty's shoppers

Code Monkey
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£600 and a stylus?

No thanks. My Desire is great but HTC need to work on this poor effort.

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Dutch astronaut unleashes 155 mph 'Superbus'

Code Monkey
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UAE?

They want the United Arab Emirates as the first customer outside Europe? Well full marks for chasing the money. Marks off for targetting a place as "petrol on yer cornflakes" as Texas.

It's not all bad: defeinitely the prettiest minibus I've ever seen.

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