* Posts by Code Monkey

1575 posts • joined 16 Oct 2008

Brewer bashes Beeb over anti-beer bias

Code Monkey
Stop

Spare us

I like "proper" ale but the thought of watching people's opinions about it on the telly would be enough to, um, drive me to drink.

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Drunken bust-up woman sprays cops with breast milk

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

"Rack of charges"

Very good!

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Accused autistic hacker Ryan Cleary freed on bail

Code Monkey

Re: Obviously agoraphobia wasn't cutting it

Agoraphobia is hardly grounds for an early release from remand

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German chemical giant depending on biscuit-based security

Code Monkey
FAIL

Easier?

Lining a cardboard box with felt and bubblewrap is easier than buying, then emptying a tin of Jacob's Cream Crackers? That's nonsense.

I'll grant you it's impossible to eat even a single cream cracker without butter and some jam, cheese or whatever (and a nice cuppa to wash the lot down) but what sort of nutter would do that?

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Ten... festival survival gadgets

Code Monkey

Alarms and whatnot

I'd rather go to a festival where your stuff doesn't get nicked. And, yes, they do exist.

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Code Monkey

Mosquito Wotsit

The idea of paying £200 to watch U2 and Coldplay is a strange one to me. But I'll get me a Mozzie Scarer Offer. It's probably tosh but worth a punt at £6.

Way better value than a Glastophant ticket

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Plods roll out new Police National Database

Code Monkey
Big Brother

Re: Welsh Language Board

I imagine the Welsh Language Board's interest in privacy went as far as making sure there is a Welsh-localised GUI for the database.

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Booze for wrinklies: Good or bad?

Code Monkey

If I make to 70...

... I'll drink as much as I bloody well like. And anyone who tells me otherwise will be on the end of a damned good thrashing from my Zimmer!

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New Cassini pics of Saturnian 'Ice Queen' Helene

Code Monkey
Boffin

Rutland vs Wales

Rutland is considerably smaller than Wales, making it a much more appropriate unit for certain measurements. FYI Rutland is 382 square km or roughly 0.0184 Wales.

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BMW intros revamped Mini as sporty MG-alike

Code Monkey

Comparisons aside

A retractable spoiler on a front wheel drive car makes it heavier and less fuel-efficient for no reason whatsoever.

The rest of the car's shite as well. I rather liked the old new Mini* but the new new Minis are awful.

* not enough to own one, mind

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Code Monkey

Good point

Can torque be measured in elephants per second?

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Ten thousand OLEDs unite in live Earth replica

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

Splendid

The globe itself is lovely. Throw in the touchscreen business and I could see myself losing close to a whole day playing with it. Super stuff!

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Does a flash motor act as a fanny magnet or not?

Code Monkey
Trollface

Re: Half-Timbered Morris

I'm no trick-cyclist but I'd guess it says pipe-smoking; unfortunate sock/sandal choices and questionable personal hygiene.

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Cloud: Do Reg readers care?

Code Monkey
Alert

Don't Trust

For me it's more "don't trust" than "don't care". I can't be the only one.

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Iranian pimp plates arse up Afghan car sales

Code Monkey

Stupidity reigns

So you'd be fine with a number plate that says "P4EDO" or something would you?

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Asus Eee Pad Transformer Android tablet

Code Monkey

Won't be long

The "linux on a toaster" crowd do excellent work. I doubt you'll be waiting long...

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Code Monkey
Happy

Use-case

Shiny?

Trolling aside, I'm with you. I expect my use-case to be "broken netbook" and not before.

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Facebook hurls insults, punctuation at growth slump report

Code Monkey

Re: "XXXX, your friends are missing you"

If FB were to include "occassionally receives a nagging email" as an active account, that really would be taking the piss.

Not that I'd rule it out as the IPO approaches and marketroids eye their bonuses.

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Code Monkey
Trollface

You don't have to read it

Just block the inane ones. Or don't friend them in the first place.

What? You have inane friends? What on earth for?

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Code Monkey
Headmaster

Really?

I did this: http://www.google.co.uk/search?q=facebook+delete+account+permanently+link

Other than needing a browser, internet connection and the tiniest idea what you're doing, it all seems pretty straightforward.

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Facebook value hits $100bn, to go public in Q1 2012

Code Monkey

It's not a bubble, bitch

Keep telling yourselves it's not a bubble.

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Dolphin Browser HD

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

@Steve Evans

Cheers will play with tonight

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Code Monkey

Text-jiggling

The lack of text-jiggling is a deal-breaker for me but it looks like one to follow closely...

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Facebook growth slows in stalkerbase heartlands

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

They're welcome to look at my profile

All it revels is a love of taking the piss

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Code Monkey
FAIL

Going public in 2012

Just before the exodus really gains momentum. Only a fool would touch FB with actual money.

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Living, biological raygun produced in lab

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

Excellent stuff!

Excellent stuff! I'll have a gross. Send them immediately to the shark tank in my hollowed out volcano.

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Sky combines, revamps internet telly services

Code Monkey
Devil

Very interesting, but...

That little glimpse of the future makes Sky suddenly look a lot more interesting. Not interesting enough to change my mind on "Murdoch is an evil, evil bast and won't be getting any of my money".

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Top telly tech fails to drive new set sales

Code Monkey

It's all cobblers anyway

It doesn't matter how much you spend on a telly when the overwhelming majority of content is utter arsewater.

Is LED backlighting ever going to make My Family funny? Is 3-D going to stop you wanting to smash things as soon as Adrian Chiles opens his stupid mouth? Is internet connectivitiy going to allow you to download a less smug Simon Cowell?

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Apple 'spaceship' awaits landing clearance in Cupertino

Code Monkey
Boffin

"The last thing we want is for anyone to get hurt,"

Anyone outside of Chinese labour camp-style factories anyway.

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Hannspree Hannspad 10.1in Android tablet

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

Price

£250 for a decent performer is about the point where I am interested.

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Survey scammers target Doctor Who fans

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

Heh, no

Not new but still saddened by what I (sometimes) read.

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Code Monkey

Or...

You could just wait a day or two. Surely there must be something else to fill the void til a new Doctor Who arrives?

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Francis Maude goes back 110 years for cybersecurity strategy

Code Monkey
Facepalm

Nice analogy

And eventually his intereference will lead to the UK having little stake left in the industry. What a complete tool

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Barnsley clamps down on foul-mouthed fu*king locals

Code Monkey
Thumb Down

Well done plod.

Those arrest quotas won't fill themselves and this is far easier than investigating burglaries.

Welcome to the Big Society everyone!

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Canadian prof: Wikipedia makes kids study harder

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

Hmmm

Very demotivating for the students who will watch their hard work turn to the usual semi-literate wikibollocks in a matter of weeks but full marks for creative lesson-planning.

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El Reg pays by phone – mmmm, free cookies!

Code Monkey
Stop

Insecure

A tiny big of convenience in return for making my mobile much more attractive to muggers. I won't use it.

Now will anyone help me smash this loom?

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Daleks given a well-earned break

Code Monkey
Coffee/keyboard

Re: "WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDRENNNNNNN!"

Did you write that in a Dalek voice? I read it in one. Well done sir or madam

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Code Monkey
Thumb Up

Old Monsters

Or them parrots in string vests. They were good.

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Code Monkey
Trollface

Poor Daleks

Though retirement is a step up from that stupid, stupid, stupid redesign they had.

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Stealth hovercraft armada poised to invade South Korea

Code Monkey

@Captainhook

Do you work for SCO perchance?

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Reg hack applauds asinine augmentation

Code Monkey
Trollface

Nice ass!

Or should it be asset?

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Microsoft shareholder calls for Ballmer's head

Code Monkey

MS - Ballmer

MS shareholder is right, though the industry will miss his apelike slapstick buffoonery

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HTC Wildfire S Android smartphone

Code Monkey

I like it

This is the sort of thing I'll be looking for at upgrade time. I like my Desire but it's just too thirsty and, well, too big. When the Desire was being fixed I realised how much I missed having a small phone.

HTC seem keen on refreshing their handsets reguarly so with a year or so to run I'll be looking at the next revision.

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Ofnuke: UK is not Japan

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

"doesn't experience Force 9 earthquakes"

This is a very important point that the more shrill parts of the media (and some that should know better) have chosen to ignore.

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Judgment Day prophet resets doomsday clock

Code Monkey
Alert

What he says on 22nd

"My bad everyone. It turns out it was all a load of Bronze-age superstition that some of us all took a bit too seriously. Now how about we all stop blowing each other up over who's invisible friend is best and just - y'know - get on."

Well I can dream, can't I?

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Code Monkey
Thumb Down

That book

There's something in that book about it being easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. It doesn't stop these bastards lining their pockets.

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Service Birmingham offshores IT jobs

Code Monkey
Grenade

"It won't have any effect on customer-facing roles,"

Thanks, Capita spokewonk, that makes it so much easier to swallow. The fact that it'll be server admins losing their jobs and the council's servers being administered from several timezones away.

Great move, Capita. Time to break out the bubbly, toot and hookers!

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El Reg iPhone app rated a flaccid 12+

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

Do the apps get comments?

We can always help drive up the rating. You shitters.

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Remastered 4K, 3D Titanic steams towards cinemas

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

Woo-hoo!

I'll go along, see if they miss the iceberg this time!

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Ricoh reveals paper-bright colour e-paper

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

CMYK

It makes perfect sense for this type of display. Hopefully some Ricoh boffins are enjoying a big pay rise for this one.

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