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* Posts by Code Monkey

1559 posts • joined 16 Oct 2008

Asus Eee Pad Transformer Android tablet

Code Monkey
Happy

Use-case

Shiny?

Trolling aside, I'm with you. I expect my use-case to be "broken netbook" and not before.

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Facebook hurls insults, punctuation at growth slump report

Code Monkey

Re: "XXXX, your friends are missing you"

If FB were to include "occassionally receives a nagging email" as an active account, that really would be taking the piss.

Not that I'd rule it out as the IPO approaches and marketroids eye their bonuses.

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Code Monkey
Trollface

You don't have to read it

Just block the inane ones. Or don't friend them in the first place.

What? You have inane friends? What on earth for?

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Code Monkey
Headmaster

Really?

I did this: http://www.google.co.uk/search?q=facebook+delete+account+permanently+link

Other than needing a browser, internet connection and the tiniest idea what you're doing, it all seems pretty straightforward.

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Facebook value hits $100bn, to go public in Q1 2012

Code Monkey

It's not a bubble, bitch

Keep telling yourselves it's not a bubble.

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Dolphin Browser HD

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

@Steve Evans

Cheers will play with tonight

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Code Monkey

Text-jiggling

The lack of text-jiggling is a deal-breaker for me but it looks like one to follow closely...

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Facebook growth slows in stalkerbase heartlands

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

They're welcome to look at my profile

All it revels is a love of taking the piss

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Code Monkey
FAIL

Going public in 2012

Just before the exodus really gains momentum. Only a fool would touch FB with actual money.

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Living, biological raygun produced in lab

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

Excellent stuff!

Excellent stuff! I'll have a gross. Send them immediately to the shark tank in my hollowed out volcano.

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Sky combines, revamps internet telly services

Code Monkey
Devil

Very interesting, but...

That little glimpse of the future makes Sky suddenly look a lot more interesting. Not interesting enough to change my mind on "Murdoch is an evil, evil bast and won't be getting any of my money".

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Top telly tech fails to drive new set sales

Code Monkey

It's all cobblers anyway

It doesn't matter how much you spend on a telly when the overwhelming majority of content is utter arsewater.

Is LED backlighting ever going to make My Family funny? Is 3-D going to stop you wanting to smash things as soon as Adrian Chiles opens his stupid mouth? Is internet connectivitiy going to allow you to download a less smug Simon Cowell?

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Apple 'spaceship' awaits landing clearance in Cupertino

Code Monkey
Boffin

"The last thing we want is for anyone to get hurt,"

Anyone outside of Chinese labour camp-style factories anyway.

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Hannspree Hannspad 10.1in Android tablet

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

Price

£250 for a decent performer is about the point where I am interested.

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Survey scammers target Doctor Who fans

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

Heh, no

Not new but still saddened by what I (sometimes) read.

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Code Monkey

Or...

You could just wait a day or two. Surely there must be something else to fill the void til a new Doctor Who arrives?

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Francis Maude goes back 110 years for cybersecurity strategy

Code Monkey
Facepalm

Nice analogy

And eventually his intereference will lead to the UK having little stake left in the industry. What a complete tool

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Barnsley clamps down on foul-mouthed fu*king locals

Code Monkey
Thumb Down

Well done plod.

Those arrest quotas won't fill themselves and this is far easier than investigating burglaries.

Welcome to the Big Society everyone!

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Canadian prof: Wikipedia makes kids study harder

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

Hmmm

Very demotivating for the students who will watch their hard work turn to the usual semi-literate wikibollocks in a matter of weeks but full marks for creative lesson-planning.

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El Reg pays by phone – mmmm, free cookies!

Code Monkey
Stop

Insecure

A tiny big of convenience in return for making my mobile much more attractive to muggers. I won't use it.

Now will anyone help me smash this loom?

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Daleks given a well-earned break

Code Monkey
Coffee/keyboard

Re: "WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDRENNNNNNN!"

Did you write that in a Dalek voice? I read it in one. Well done sir or madam

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Code Monkey
Thumb Up

Old Monsters

Or them parrots in string vests. They were good.

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Code Monkey
Trollface

Poor Daleks

Though retirement is a step up from that stupid, stupid, stupid redesign they had.

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Stealth hovercraft armada poised to invade South Korea

Code Monkey

@Captainhook

Do you work for SCO perchance?

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Reg hack applauds asinine augmentation

Code Monkey
Trollface

Nice ass!

Or should it be asset?

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Microsoft shareholder calls for Ballmer's head

Code Monkey

MS - Ballmer

MS shareholder is right, though the industry will miss his apelike slapstick buffoonery

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HTC Wildfire S Android smartphone

Code Monkey

I like it

This is the sort of thing I'll be looking for at upgrade time. I like my Desire but it's just too thirsty and, well, too big. When the Desire was being fixed I realised how much I missed having a small phone.

HTC seem keen on refreshing their handsets reguarly so with a year or so to run I'll be looking at the next revision.

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Ofnuke: UK is not Japan

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

"doesn't experience Force 9 earthquakes"

This is a very important point that the more shrill parts of the media (and some that should know better) have chosen to ignore.

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Judgment Day prophet resets doomsday clock

Code Monkey
Alert

What he says on 22nd

"My bad everyone. It turns out it was all a load of Bronze-age superstition that some of us all took a bit too seriously. Now how about we all stop blowing each other up over who's invisible friend is best and just - y'know - get on."

Well I can dream, can't I?

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Code Monkey
Thumb Down

That book

There's something in that book about it being easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. It doesn't stop these bastards lining their pockets.

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Service Birmingham offshores IT jobs

Code Monkey
Grenade

"It won't have any effect on customer-facing roles,"

Thanks, Capita spokewonk, that makes it so much easier to swallow. The fact that it'll be server admins losing their jobs and the council's servers being administered from several timezones away.

Great move, Capita. Time to break out the bubbly, toot and hookers!

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El Reg iPhone app rated a flaccid 12+

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

Do the apps get comments?

We can always help drive up the rating. You shitters.

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Remastered 4K, 3D Titanic steams towards cinemas

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

Woo-hoo!

I'll go along, see if they miss the iceberg this time!

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Ricoh reveals paper-bright colour e-paper

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

CMYK

It makes perfect sense for this type of display. Hopefully some Ricoh boffins are enjoying a big pay rise for this one.

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German salesmen rewarded with meticulously organised orgy

Code Monkey

Not just you*

I'm a broad-minded chap but I find the whole business of hookers sordid and, well, sad.

* aka me too, I know

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Apple to support reps: Don't confirm Mac infections

Code Monkey
Jobs Horns

"Until Apple figures out how to get around that weakness..."

Surely "Until Apple figures out how to MAKE MONEY OUT OF that weakness, then you'll have this issue."

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PS3s overheat after firmware update

Code Monkey

Re: People use PS3s for gaming now?

I hear some people do. Crazy!

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Code Monkey

Blimey

Sony aren't content with going to the toilet with their trousers still up just once are they?

Still, cheers for the warning. As my PS3's little but an iPlayer watcher now I'm in no rush to upgrade anyway. Good luck to those of you that use it for games!

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PARIS team to tackle the ultimate post-pint snack

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

Pie barm

Now you're talking!

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Welshman attempts to board train with pony

Code Monkey

Welsh Bernie Eccleston

He likes em tall.

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Code Monkey
Coat

I've always said our trains are a bit pony

Mine's the one with Dick van Dyke's Bumper Guide to Cockney Slang in the pocket.

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Schmidt: Android will bring DEMOCRACY to the WORLD

Code Monkey
Thumb Down

Gnonsense

Gnonsense if you ask me. Improved clock speeds are the friend of the dictactor and revolutionary alike.

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LinkedIn thinks it's worth $4bn on eve of IPO

Code Monkey

Just Bubble numbers?

Yes

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Gates defends Ballmer's Skype gamble

Code Monkey

$8.5bn

I just dowloaded it from their website. For free. Silly, silly Ballmer.

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Facebook planking game claims its first victim

Code Monkey

One less idiot

To quote (possibly misquote) Bill Hicks "We lost an idiot. The world just got lighter."

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Boy George plonks tech centre onto Silicon Roundabout

Code Monkey

Re: 3 cheers

Yeah. I loved Nathan Barley, too.

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Three to supply UK Chromebooks' 3G access

Code Monkey

Wifi only

In which case you might as well spend £350 on a netbook. Or am I missing something?

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Google lobbying to make driverless cars legal in Nevada

Code Monkey
Stop

No witnesses?

If I were offing some Vegas type and dumping him in a freshly-dug hole in the Nevada desert, the last thing I'd want is to arrive in a Googlecar.

You might *think* you'd wiped the car's history...

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Facebook pulls plugs on Mark Zuckerberg’s Facebook profile

Code Monkey
Headmaster

Beginning?

I agree with the overwhelming majority of your post. It's just the word "beginning" I object to.

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Slovakian cannibal's dinner calls in cops

Code Monkey
Joke

Pigs

I always like it when the pigs show up for breakfast.

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