* Posts by Code Monkey

1567 posts • joined 16 Oct 2008

Gordon Ramsay sues father-in-law over alleged spyware plot

Code Monkey

Yes Gordon

And they're listening via your fillings while you make stool.

Normally an Alan Partridge-style breakdown like this should inspire some sympathy but that's just tough titty Ramsey you obnoxious wankstain..

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10

Skype/Facebook integration spawns hijack risk

Code Monkey
Stop

DO NOT WANT

There are people I want to actually talk to over Skype and there are other people whose kitten pictures I want to see. There is practically no overlap between these groups of people.

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1

PLCs a prison vulnerability: researchers

Code Monkey
Trollface

PLCs

And there was me thinking you meant Group 4 taking over the prisons

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Adobe outs un-Flash web animation tool

Code Monkey

I don't mind

As long as I can still block it.

Now where's that Luddite icon?

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BSkyB hands out £1bn, board backs James Murdoch

Code Monkey
Pint

@PsychicMonkey

I study after work so telly's constantly threatening to distract me. The pub's much, much better but less of a temptation as it's a 10 minute walk to a decent one. BTW are we related? ;o)

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Code Monkey

Joe Public

Joe Public will do what Sky tells it to do.

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Code Monkey

Re: How much?

Jeez. That's 3 decentish nights down the pub, which I'd much rather do.

Telly's the enemy, Sky TV doubly so.

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'LONDON IS THE CENTRE OF THE technology WORLD'

Code Monkey
Windows

Scrum

Is Scrum genuinely a marketable skill? I thought it was turning up for a 15 minute team meeting every morning.

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Murdoch muscles BBC out of Formula One driving seat

Code Monkey

Re: Well thats me not watching F1 anymore

I'm sure Bernie will find solace in counting all that lovely money from Murdoch.

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ICO won't investigate Tory minister

Code Monkey

Creepy creepy Tory

Its legality I'll leave to the lawyers but it's certainly creepy.

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WorldTradeCenter.com on the block

Code Monkey

Also

Barcelona too

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Hacking scandal starts to spread beyond News Corp

Code Monkey

No surprise there

Most of the (non-Murdoch) UK papers were surprisingly quiet in the early days of the scandal. While The Graun and Indy were making a song and dance about it the reaction of the others struck me as a collective nervous shuffling of the feet.

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Dead bloke reanimates in mortuary

Code Monkey
Alert

Poorly equipped

Countless films have told us you need blunt objects handy in case of such an emergency.

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HTC Salsa Android smartphone

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

Re: Two phones I'd like to see

+1 They'd have my pounds if they did a smaller premium smartphone.

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Code Monkey
FAIL

I'd prefer an all-rounder

Imagine if smartphones had gone mass-market a few years earlier. Done that? Good.

Now imagine whipping out your MySpace phone down the pub.

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Mystery data centre snag floors LiveJournal

Code Monkey
Trollface

LIveJournal

Its 5 users must be gutted.

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Murdoch parliamentary pandemonium: Shock snap

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

Great stuff

Even if it is more publicity for the pieclown.

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RUPERT MURDOCH HIT BY PIE

Code Monkey
FAIL

Well done you fucking idiot

So Murdoch's on the ropes and with your silly attention-grabbing stunt you've given The Sun/The Times/Sky News another headline. Still you're in the papers and that's all that matters you complete waste of space.

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5

English, Welsh cops get mobile fingerprint-check tech

Code Monkey
Devil

Plod can fuck off

They'll have my fingerprints if they arrest me (I don't expect this to happen) and not before.

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Google turning us into forgetful morons, warn boffins

Code Monkey
Pint

It's fine

I noticed I was doing this years ago. There's a lot of dev stuff I just don't remember but as long as I can remember to find the Javadoc or whatever, that's fine. As long as I remember what I'm supposed to be doing this week I can cope with the rest.

Beer, because...

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Mole says Apple A5 chip runs too hot for iPhone

Code Monkey
Trollface

It's not too hot

You're holding it too long in your sweaty, overheated palms.

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Jabra Stone 2 Bluetooth headset

Code Monkey

Wear it without looking like a complete tool

That's quite a USP

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Google muzzles political dissidents with YouTube ID tweaks

Code Monkey

"Common name" and "real name"

I would imagine that common name is the name you go by and real name is that on your passport. They're often different due to divorcees keeping their married names, shortening "Robert" to "Bob" and all manner of other reasons. The systems I work with have sets of columns for each.

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Official: Pastafarian strainer titfer is religious headgear

Code Monkey
Thumb Down

What an arse

To me being an arse about a spoof religion is exactly as bad as being an arse about one that claims to be genuine.

How about: we're atheists, let's not be arses at all?

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6

'Being cyber-stalked is as bad as being raped, or in a war'

Code Monkey
Headmaster

To be fair

I'd say trick-cyclist, colloquially, applies equally to both professions. We can leave it to the trick-cyclists themselves to argue the toss (or give a toss) about which is which and whatnot

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Code Monkey
Headmaster

Comparable

Compare them but don't equate them.

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Videotree VideoSpa bathroom TV

Code Monkey

Hmm

If you're too hooked on Jeremy Kyle that you can't step away from the telly for long enough to take a shower... well at least you can have a shower now.

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MS to WinXP diehards: Just under 3 more years' support

Code Monkey
Windows

You're right, but...

But XP runs on my antique T43 Thinkpad - game, set and match for XP for me.

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Brussels acts to ensure arrival of new, unknown legal highs

Code Monkey
Stop

Prohibition isn't working

It's as effective as alcohol prohibition in the USA was. This policy is simply not working. We have to legalise, regulate and tax these drugs. It might be a tough pill to swallow (no pun intended) but it will reduce crime both here and in the producing countries (cos dead people with brown skins matter as well).

As for me, I'm really not interested in taking drugs these days. I just want the stupidity to end.

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BBW: Over 900 police staff caught misusing databases

Code Monkey
Big Brother

Taking action...

Taking action meaning "having a quiet word" in most cases.

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GOLDENBALLSUP! Beckham website defaced

Code Monkey
Trollface

Harper Seven

Should've been Shed Seven

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Is Facebook worth more than Google?

Code Monkey
Windows

Is Facebook worth more than Google?

Long term Facebook is worth about the same as MySpace.

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Parmo v poutine: The ultimate post-pub nosh deathmatch

Code Monkey
Pint

Or...

...just cook up a few more tasty Parmos

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Code Monkey

Bisto

It'll do as long as it's thick enough to stand your spoon in.

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Code Monkey
Thumb Down

Poutine

To any passport-carrying Lancastrian chips and gravy is the food of the gods (indeed gravy is the main thing I judge proper - i.e. Northern - chippies on). But why you'd want to shove cheese curds on it is beyond me.

With a bit more squeezing that curd and you'd have had a nice paneer. Much better in curries than on your chips.

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Will News of the Screws reappear as Sunday.co.uk?

Code Monkey

(Sun on )?Sunday

Whatever the name it'll continue to be nothing more than an utterly vile shiterag.

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News of the World TO CLOSE

Code Monkey

Headlines

I like the Telegraph's: Goodbye Cruel World

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Bug-Byte Manic Miner

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

+1 for Atic Atac

That was my favourite. And a marvel of the programmer's art to squeeze all that into a mere 48k.

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Code Monkey

Ultimate Earworm

Spanish Flea

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Twitter hacker flings poo at PayPal

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

Heap of steaming crap

I like the flies. They're a nice touch.

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Apple orders millions of iPhone 5s for September release

Code Monkey
FAIL

Re: It's 3G and has the WiFis.

Yeah. Two great selling points unique to the iPhone.

Where's the clown icon?

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Stieg Larsson: Oxfam's number one best seller

Code Monkey

Simple explanation

More books in the charity shops tyipcally indicates better sales to begin with. Seeing as more people buy Larsson, Brown, Clarkson, etc. - more people tire of them and ultimately more people pass them on to the charity shops.

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Brewer bashes Beeb over anti-beer bias

Code Monkey
Stop

Spare us

I like "proper" ale but the thought of watching people's opinions about it on the telly would be enough to, um, drive me to drink.

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Drunken bust-up woman sprays cops with breast milk

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

"Rack of charges"

Very good!

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Accused autistic hacker Ryan Cleary freed on bail

Code Monkey

Re: Obviously agoraphobia wasn't cutting it

Agoraphobia is hardly grounds for an early release from remand

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German chemical giant depending on biscuit-based security

Code Monkey
FAIL

Easier?

Lining a cardboard box with felt and bubblewrap is easier than buying, then emptying a tin of Jacob's Cream Crackers? That's nonsense.

I'll grant you it's impossible to eat even a single cream cracker without butter and some jam, cheese or whatever (and a nice cuppa to wash the lot down) but what sort of nutter would do that?

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Ten... festival survival gadgets

Code Monkey

Alarms and whatnot

I'd rather go to a festival where your stuff doesn't get nicked. And, yes, they do exist.

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Code Monkey

Mosquito Wotsit

The idea of paying £200 to watch U2 and Coldplay is a strange one to me. But I'll get me a Mozzie Scarer Offer. It's probably tosh but worth a punt at £6.

Way better value than a Glastophant ticket

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Plods roll out new Police National Database

Code Monkey
Big Brother

Re: Welsh Language Board

I imagine the Welsh Language Board's interest in privacy went as far as making sure there is a Welsh-localised GUI for the database.

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Booze for wrinklies: Good or bad?

Code Monkey

If I make to 70...

... I'll drink as much as I bloody well like. And anyone who tells me otherwise will be on the end of a damned good thrashing from my Zimmer!

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