Code Monkey • User • The Register Forums

Nokia CEO talks up Windows 8 tablet 'opportunity'

Friday 4th November 2011 12:14 GMT Code Monkey

Oh Microsoft

You were doing quite well. Windows 7 is pretty usable, after all. Now this one's going to suck isn't it?

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El Reg premieres PARIS: The Motion Picture

Friday 4th November 2011 12:00 GMT Code Monkey

Splendid

[wipes away a small tear]

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Crime-fighting Seattle superhero unmasked, fired

Thursday 3rd November 2011 17:04 GMT Code Monkey

Harsh

Seems harsh that he should lose his job. He's no hardened criminal. A complete tool no doubt, but a well-intentioned tool.

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Too many states are crushing net rights, says Foreign Sec

Tuesday 1st November 2011 12:50 GMT Code Monkey

Nice try Hague

"Look at the other countries, the foreigners. Aren't they bad, censoring the net?"

We're not fooled you bald shite.

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WHSmith Kobo Touch wireless e-book reader

Wednesday 26th October 2011 16:46 GMT Code Monkey

Books

Is the selection of books as rubbish as in bricks and mortar WH Smiths? I don't want to buy this thing if all I can read is James Corden's autobioghraphy.

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Nokia launches Windows Phone range

Wednesday 26th October 2011 16:29 GMT Code Monkey

Well..

... the blue one's pretty

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Apple gets patent for ‘unlock gesture’

Wednesday 26th October 2011 09:25 GMT Code Monkey

Prior art

I saw two Android-toting friends use unlock gestures this weekend. I was even thinking I should get one of those for mine.

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Sony Ericsson Xperia Ray Android smartphone

Tuesday 25th October 2011 15:50 GMT Code Monkey

Small screen (well small phone)

That's exactly what I'll be looking for when my contract ends. This Desire is great but just too big

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Groupon sues ex-sales heads for defection to Google

Tuesday 25th October 2011 14:08 GMT Code Monkey

$6m

Sounds generous IMO

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Vegas man begs web for $1m to fix gigantic scrotum

Wednesday 19th October 2011 12:28 GMT Code Monkey

He's taking the piss

No way do wheelbarrows cost that much!

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Collapsing cranes and cantankerous cars

Friday 14th October 2011 12:50 GMT Code Monkey

NT News

The NT News could well overtake the Irish Daily Star as my favourite newspaper. Top stuff!

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World+Dog goes bonkers for iPhone 4S

Friday 14th October 2011 10:53 GMT Code Monkey

People are idiots

This is not an anti-Apple rant. If you queue on the street for a new Android phone, the last Harry Potter book or whatever: you're an idiot.

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WHSmith launches e-book reader rivals to Amazon Kindle

Friday 14th October 2011 10:47 GMT Code Monkey

WH Smith?

Presumably it's only compatible with ghostwritten celebutard autobiographies.

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An ode to rent-a-nerds and cable monkeys

Thursday 13th October 2011 14:54 GMT Code Monkey

...and not even the right one

Commentard and proud

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Seattle superhero arrested for assault

Thursday 13th October 2011 08:31 GMT Code Monkey

"what a complete and utter prat."

In a nutshell, Mr Coward.

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Infosec 'needs warrior cryptoboffins' to beat hackers

Tuesday 11th October 2011 14:54 GMT Code Monkey

"They use statistics like a drunk uses lampposts – more for support than illumination."

+1 beer for that simile!

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Nanotubes, sulfur expand battery storage

Tuesday 11th October 2011 10:35 GMT Code Monkey

Spelt and spelled are both correct.

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Tuesday 11th October 2011 08:57 GMT Code Monkey

Sulfur

You'll find it's spelt "sulphur".

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Google shoots Dart at JavaScript

Tuesday 11th October 2011 09:57 GMT Code Monkey

Also

It's another thing for IE to implement atrociously, another load of client-side code to fork.

I'll not contradict anyone saying JS sucks but it sucks a lot less than it did 10 years ago.

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MoJ shops for ICT provider for Her Majesty's prisons

Friday 7th October 2011 09:40 GMT Code Monkey

Noms

Really?

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Google+ inertia sets in at Chocolate Factory

Wednesday 5th October 2011 13:24 GMT Code Monkey

I've got an account but I really don't know what to do with it. I'm already in touch with all my contacts and just don't need another network. I guess it'll be handy for whenever Facebook really shit the bed over privacy (and I'm I'll enjoy the irony of fleeing to Google for privacy).

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Ecclesiastical judge tells church: Let there be Wi-Fi

Monday 3rd October 2011 15:49 GMT Code Monkey

"no evidence whatsoever"

That's proof enough for a lot of the church's beliefs...

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Don't bother with that degree, say IT pros

Friday 30th September 2011 11:41 GMT Code Monkey

I don't have one and have worked in the industry for 15 years. I'm now studying an IT degree solely becuase I think it'll be necessary (or at least very helpful) to get a job abroad.

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Boffins prove Queen ballad 'world's most catchy song'

Thursday 29th September 2011 12:19 GMT Code Monkey

Most Infectious Earworm

The most infectious earworm is Spanish Flea by Herb Alpert. It also has the advantage of not getting on my tits, so is great as brainwash (as is the A-Team theme and Monkey Man by Toots and the Maytals) for shite like We Are the Champions (a rare rubbish Queen song, I'll grant you).

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Veggies tricked into dating meat-gobbling escorts

Wednesday 28th September 2011 13:28 GMT Code Monkey

Pescitarian

Aka fishocrites

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Tosh puts 1TB in the palm of your hand

Tuesday 27th September 2011 15:38 GMT Code Monkey

It's (just) over 1000x the storage on my first PC and I was far from an early adopter.

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Amazon to kindle Fire tablet tomorrow

Tuesday 27th September 2011 13:54 GMT Code Monkey

If this prompts a drop in price of the current Kindle I'll be right in there!

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Lewd voicemail hack on MP prompts probe

Tuesday 27th September 2011 12:25 GMT Code Monkey

Grudge

Someone who harbours a grudge against a Tory MP. I'd guess at ~60m suspects then.

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Facebook: 'We don't track logged-out users'

Monday 26th September 2011 12:11 GMT Code Monkey

“most of the cookies you highlight have benign names and values”.

So no "all" then.

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Play.com swallowed by Rakuten

Friday 23rd September 2011 12:20 GMT Code Monkey

I thought that, but considering its main competitor is Amazon and it's about to lose its tax breaks, maybe it's about right.

I used to use Play a lot until Amazon started doing free delivery.

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Designer pitches game arcade laundry

Friday 23rd September 2011 12:01 GMT Code Monkey

Soooo....

...the more you play games the cleaner your unmentionables are? An interesting twist on the life of the hardcore gamer.

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Scottish Boundary Commission: We don't need no stinkin' PDFs

Thursday 22nd September 2011 12:30 GMT Code Monkey

In my day

We used to get boundary commision maps in books, with nice tracing paper overlays to show the boundary changes. Bloody nice they were, too.

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Capital gets trendy address: .London on its way

Thursday 22nd September 2011 12:27 GMT Code Monkey

Can Luton use it, too. After all their airport is London Luton (I'm also expecting the rebranding of London Birmingham and London Bristol airports before long).

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Thursday 22nd September 2011 12:27 GMT Code Monkey

I believe the Welsh are already llobbying for .herebedragons

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Wednesday 21st September 2011 15:21 GMT Code Monkey

beerstooexpenivein.london

lotsofobnoxiouswankersin.london

The list goes on

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Lancs shale to yield '15 years' of gas for UK

Thursday 22nd September 2011 12:25 GMT Code Monkey

What's that in elephants?

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Thursday 22nd September 2011 12:25 GMT Code Monkey

The sooner the better.

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Verity's secret shame revealed

Wednesday 21st September 2011 11:32 GMT Code Monkey

In a past life as a cold caller (put your negs away, it was for charidee) I always tried to use silent letters when cofirming post codes: "so that's 2 g-for-gome x-for-xylophone" and whatnot.

I know, little things, little minds...

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