* Posts by Code Monkey

1575 posts • joined 16 Oct 2008

Mail Online is broken

Code Monkey

It being the Mail, maybe someone decided internal links give you cancer

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Welsh factions clash over .cymru and .wales bids

Code Monkey

Just have both!

... then registries can fleece businesses twice for each domain. I mean that's what these proposed TLDs are really about, right?

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Google flings Bing into search engine bin

Code Monkey

+1

The time is nigh for some other search engine to do what the young Google did (i.e. get search right) but MS is not the company to do it.

Google shunned all the portal crap and focussed on good search results. While today's Google is nowhere near the crapness of the search engines it replaced, can anyone remember when they last added anything that made search better?

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Gallery mulls 'damage' after cleaner scrubs modern art

Code Monkey
Headmaster

Roughly a linguine then.

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Pay-by-mobe app spells doom for impulse buyers

Code Monkey
Pint

Simply Tap

Granny-friendly Ginger soul/spoof pomp metal crossover tribute band?

Beer because, well because.

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Nokia CEO talks up Windows 8 tablet 'opportunity'

Code Monkey
Windows

Oh Microsoft

You were doing quite well. Windows 7 is pretty usable, after all. Now this one's going to suck isn't it?

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El Reg premieres PARIS: The Motion Picture

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

Splendid

[wipes away a small tear]

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Crime-fighting Seattle superhero unmasked, fired

Code Monkey
Thumb Down

Harsh

Seems harsh that he should lose his job. He's no hardened criminal. A complete tool no doubt, but a well-intentioned tool.

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Too many states are crushing net rights, says Foreign Sec

Code Monkey

Nice try Hague

"Look at the other countries, the foreigners. Aren't they bad, censoring the net?"

We're not fooled you bald shite.

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WHSmith Kobo Touch wireless e-book reader

Code Monkey

Books

Is the selection of books as rubbish as in bricks and mortar WH Smiths? I don't want to buy this thing if all I can read is James Corden's autobioghraphy.

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Nokia launches Windows Phone range

Code Monkey
Windows

Well..

... the blue one's pretty

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Apple gets patent for ‘unlock gesture’

Code Monkey

Prior art

I saw two Android-toting friends use unlock gestures this weekend. I was even thinking I should get one of those for mine.

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Sony Ericsson Xperia Ray Android smartphone

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

Small screen (well small phone)

That's exactly what I'll be looking for when my contract ends. This Desire is great but just too big

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Groupon sues ex-sales heads for defection to Google

Code Monkey
Joke

$6m

Sounds generous IMO

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Vegas man begs web for $1m to fix gigantic scrotum

Code Monkey
Trollface

He's taking the piss

No way do wheelbarrows cost that much!

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Collapsing cranes and cantankerous cars

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

NT News

The NT News could well overtake the Irish Daily Star as my favourite newspaper. Top stuff!

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World+Dog goes bonkers for iPhone 4S

Code Monkey
Gimp

People are idiots

This is not an anti-Apple rant. If you queue on the street for a new Android phone, the last Harry Potter book or whatever: you're an idiot.

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WHSmith launches e-book reader rivals to Amazon Kindle

Code Monkey
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WH Smith?

Presumably it's only compatible with ghostwritten celebutard autobiographies.

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An ode to rent-a-nerds and cable monkeys

Code Monkey

...and not even the right one

Commentard and proud

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Seattle superhero arrested for assault

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

"what a complete and utter prat."

In a nutshell, Mr Coward.

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Infosec 'needs warrior cryptoboffins' to beat hackers

Code Monkey
Pint

"They use statistics like a drunk uses lampposts – more for support than illumination."

+1 beer for that simile!

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Nanotubes, sulfur expand battery storage

Code Monkey

Spelt and spelled are both correct.

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Code Monkey
Headmaster

Sulfur

You'll find it's spelt "sulphur".

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Google shoots Dart at JavaScript

Code Monkey

Also

It's another thing for IE to implement atrociously, another load of client-side code to fork.

I'll not contradict anyone saying JS sucks but it sucks a lot less than it did 10 years ago.

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MoJ shops for ICT provider for Her Majesty's prisons

Code Monkey

Noms

Really?

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Google+ inertia sets in at Chocolate Factory

Code Monkey

I've got an account but I really don't know what to do with it. I'm already in touch with all my contacts and just don't need another network. I guess it'll be handy for whenever Facebook really shit the bed over privacy (and I'm I'll enjoy the irony of fleeing to Google for privacy).

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Ecclesiastical judge tells church: Let there be Wi-Fi

Code Monkey

"no evidence whatsoever"

That's proof enough for a lot of the church's beliefs...

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Don't bother with that degree, say IT pros

Code Monkey

I don't have one and have worked in the industry for 15 years. I'm now studying an IT degree solely becuase I think it'll be necessary (or at least very helpful) to get a job abroad.

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Boffins prove Queen ballad 'world's most catchy song'

Code Monkey

Most Infectious Earworm

The most infectious earworm is Spanish Flea by Herb Alpert. It also has the advantage of not getting on my tits, so is great as brainwash (as is the A-Team theme and Monkey Man by Toots and the Maytals) for shite like We Are the Champions (a rare rubbish Queen song, I'll grant you).

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Veggies tricked into dating meat-gobbling escorts

Code Monkey

Pescitarian

Aka fishocrites

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Tosh puts 1TB in the palm of your hand

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

It's (just) over 1000x the storage on my first PC and I was far from an early adopter.

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Amazon to kindle Fire tablet tomorrow

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

If this prompts a drop in price of the current Kindle I'll be right in there!

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Lewd voicemail hack on MP prompts probe

Code Monkey

Grudge

Someone who harbours a grudge against a Tory MP. I'd guess at ~60m suspects then.

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Facebook: 'We don't track logged-out users'

Code Monkey

“most of the cookies you highlight have benign names and values”.

So no "all" then.

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Play.com swallowed by Rakuten

Code Monkey

I thought that, but considering its main competitor is Amazon and it's about to lose its tax breaks, maybe it's about right.

I used to use Play a lot until Amazon started doing free delivery.

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Designer pitches game arcade laundry

Code Monkey
Trollface

Soooo....

...the more you play games the cleaner your unmentionables are? An interesting twist on the life of the hardcore gamer.

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Scottish Boundary Commission: We don't need no stinkin' PDFs

Code Monkey

In my day

We used to get boundary commision maps in books, with nice tracing paper overlays to show the boundary changes. Bloody nice they were, too.

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Capital gets trendy address: .London on its way

Code Monkey

Can Luton use it, too. After all their airport is London Luton (I'm also expecting the rebranding of London Birmingham and London Bristol airports before long).

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Code Monkey

I believe the Welsh are already llobbying for .herebedragons

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Code Monkey
Thumb Up

beerstooexpenivein.london

lotsofobnoxiouswankersin.london

The list goes on

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Lancs shale to yield '15 years' of gas for UK

Code Monkey

What's that in elephants?

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Code Monkey
Trollface

The sooner the better.

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Verity's secret shame revealed

Code Monkey

In a past life as a cold caller (put your negs away, it was for charidee) I always tried to use silent letters when cofirming post codes: "so that's 2 g-for-gome x-for-xylophone" and whatnot.

I know, little things, little minds...

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DfE probed over Gmail use for official business

Code Monkey

Actually there will be a lot of Labour-supporting civil servants left. The "neutral" civil service was killed off by Thatcher in the 80s.

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BlackBerry handsets will be able to run Android apps

Code Monkey
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"Hope to make the RIM job trivially easy for devs"

Ah Friday, how I've missed you. Nice one Bill!

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A Farewell to Oates: Adios, El Reg

Code Monkey
Alien

Re: The 1337 leaving with the aliens?

Yup. Commentards get the "B" Ark

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Code Monkey
Pint

Best of British, John

[tearfully raises a glass icon*]

* real glass to follow

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Paintball round pops Bulgarian airbag

Code Monkey
Pint

Re: "extra padding"

Extra padding for your extra padding.

I liked "enhanced boobs". A pint to whoever left that in.

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Seven Dwarfs password gag declared Fringe's best

Code Monkey

"what am I missing?"

A sense of humour?

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Facebook ditches Places - but embiggens location tracking

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

Thanks for the warning

In other news, I read FB will now ask you to confirm your being tagged in photos. Which is nice.

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