* Posts by Code Monkey

1559 posts • joined 16 Oct 2008

World+Dog goes bonkers for iPhone 4S

Code Monkey
Gimp

People are idiots

This is not an anti-Apple rant. If you queue on the street for a new Android phone, the last Harry Potter book or whatever: you're an idiot.

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WHSmith launches e-book reader rivals to Amazon Kindle

Code Monkey
Thumb Down

WH Smith?

Presumably it's only compatible with ghostwritten celebutard autobiographies.

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An ode to rent-a-nerds and cable monkeys

Code Monkey

...and not even the right one

Commentard and proud

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Seattle superhero arrested for assault

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

"what a complete and utter prat."

In a nutshell, Mr Coward.

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Infosec 'needs warrior cryptoboffins' to beat hackers

Code Monkey
Pint

"They use statistics like a drunk uses lampposts – more for support than illumination."

+1 beer for that simile!

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Nanotubes, sulfur expand battery storage

Code Monkey

Spelt and spelled are both correct.

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Code Monkey
Headmaster

Sulfur

You'll find it's spelt "sulphur".

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Google shoots Dart at JavaScript

Code Monkey

Also

It's another thing for IE to implement atrociously, another load of client-side code to fork.

I'll not contradict anyone saying JS sucks but it sucks a lot less than it did 10 years ago.

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MoJ shops for ICT provider for Her Majesty's prisons

Code Monkey

Noms

Really?

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Google+ inertia sets in at Chocolate Factory

Code Monkey

I've got an account but I really don't know what to do with it. I'm already in touch with all my contacts and just don't need another network. I guess it'll be handy for whenever Facebook really shit the bed over privacy (and I'm I'll enjoy the irony of fleeing to Google for privacy).

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Ecclesiastical judge tells church: Let there be Wi-Fi

Code Monkey

"no evidence whatsoever"

That's proof enough for a lot of the church's beliefs...

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Don't bother with that degree, say IT pros

Code Monkey

I don't have one and have worked in the industry for 15 years. I'm now studying an IT degree solely becuase I think it'll be necessary (or at least very helpful) to get a job abroad.

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Boffins prove Queen ballad 'world's most catchy song'

Code Monkey

Most Infectious Earworm

The most infectious earworm is Spanish Flea by Herb Alpert. It also has the advantage of not getting on my tits, so is great as brainwash (as is the A-Team theme and Monkey Man by Toots and the Maytals) for shite like We Are the Champions (a rare rubbish Queen song, I'll grant you).

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Veggies tricked into dating meat-gobbling escorts

Code Monkey

Pescitarian

Aka fishocrites

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Tosh puts 1TB in the palm of your hand

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

It's (just) over 1000x the storage on my first PC and I was far from an early adopter.

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Amazon to kindle Fire tablet tomorrow

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

If this prompts a drop in price of the current Kindle I'll be right in there!

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Lewd voicemail hack on MP prompts probe

Code Monkey

Grudge

Someone who harbours a grudge against a Tory MP. I'd guess at ~60m suspects then.

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Facebook: 'We don't track logged-out users'

Code Monkey

“most of the cookies you highlight have benign names and values”.

So no "all" then.

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Play.com swallowed by Rakuten

Code Monkey

I thought that, but considering its main competitor is Amazon and it's about to lose its tax breaks, maybe it's about right.

I used to use Play a lot until Amazon started doing free delivery.

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Designer pitches game arcade laundry

Code Monkey
Trollface

Soooo....

...the more you play games the cleaner your unmentionables are? An interesting twist on the life of the hardcore gamer.

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Scottish Boundary Commission: We don't need no stinkin' PDFs

Code Monkey

In my day

We used to get boundary commision maps in books, with nice tracing paper overlays to show the boundary changes. Bloody nice they were, too.

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Capital gets trendy address: .London on its way

Code Monkey

Can Luton use it, too. After all their airport is London Luton (I'm also expecting the rebranding of London Birmingham and London Bristol airports before long).

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Code Monkey

I believe the Welsh are already llobbying for .herebedragons

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Code Monkey
Thumb Up

beerstooexpenivein.london

lotsofobnoxiouswankersin.london

The list goes on

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Lancs shale to yield '15 years' of gas for UK

Code Monkey

What's that in elephants?

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Code Monkey
Trollface

The sooner the better.

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Verity's secret shame revealed

Code Monkey

In a past life as a cold caller (put your negs away, it was for charidee) I always tried to use silent letters when cofirming post codes: "so that's 2 g-for-gome x-for-xylophone" and whatnot.

I know, little things, little minds...

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DfE probed over Gmail use for official business

Code Monkey

Actually there will be a lot of Labour-supporting civil servants left. The "neutral" civil service was killed off by Thatcher in the 80s.

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BlackBerry handsets will be able to run Android apps

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

"Hope to make the RIM job trivially easy for devs"

Ah Friday, how I've missed you. Nice one Bill!

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A Farewell to Oates: Adios, El Reg

Code Monkey
Alien

Re: The 1337 leaving with the aliens?

Yup. Commentards get the "B" Ark

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Code Monkey
Pint

Best of British, John

[tearfully raises a glass icon*]

* real glass to follow

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Paintball round pops Bulgarian airbag

Code Monkey
Pint

Re: "extra padding"

Extra padding for your extra padding.

I liked "enhanced boobs". A pint to whoever left that in.

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Seven Dwarfs password gag declared Fringe's best

Code Monkey

"what am I missing?"

A sense of humour?

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Facebook ditches Places - but embiggens location tracking

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

Thanks for the warning

In other news, I read FB will now ask you to confirm your being tagged in photos. Which is nice.

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Kremlin green lights Siberia-Alaska tunnel

Code Monkey
Trollface

London to NYC

The replacement bus service wouldn't be so cool.

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Hundreds of Brit pubs to offer free WiFi

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

www.wefindyourlaptopyoulostwhenyougotpissed.com

Dear Sir/Madam

I find your ideas intriguing and would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

Yours

HM Govt Dept of Big-assed Seektrits

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Average sozzled Brit sinks 5,800 pints during life

Code Monkey
Pint

Re: Anyone want mine?

I've had your ration. And that of any other teetotal commentards knocking around. Cheers!

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Code Monkey
Pint

Re: picking up my slack

Similarly I'll trade my cider ration for more pints of lovely ale.

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ID and Passport Service uncloaks 2012 online plans

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

Good stuff

Having just renewed my passport, this is way overdue. The form's badly written and the process is slow.

Get whoever did the car tax renewal to do it. They did a great job.

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Scottish gov moans over broadband cash handout

Code Monkey

Hulture Secretary

What's a Hulture Secretary?

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Just 0.2% of Facebook flogged for $133m

Code Monkey
Thumb Up

Well done them

Possibly the best bit of business it's possible to do. Cash in now and hang on to some in case by some mirable FB doesn't go the way of MySpace.

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Galaxy Tab still legal in the Netherlands

Code Monkey
Coat

A suitably modified version of Genesis

Hopefully without Phil Collins this time.

Mine's the one with the Peter Gabriel discography in the pockets

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Gordon Ramsay sues father-in-law over alleged spyware plot

Code Monkey

Yes Gordon

And they're listening via your fillings while you make stool.

Normally an Alan Partridge-style breakdown like this should inspire some sympathy but that's just tough titty Ramsey you obnoxious wankstain..

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Skype/Facebook integration spawns hijack risk

Code Monkey
Stop

DO NOT WANT

There are people I want to actually talk to over Skype and there are other people whose kitten pictures I want to see. There is practically no overlap between these groups of people.

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PLCs a prison vulnerability: researchers

Code Monkey
Trollface

PLCs

And there was me thinking you meant Group 4 taking over the prisons

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Adobe outs un-Flash web animation tool

Code Monkey

I don't mind

As long as I can still block it.

Now where's that Luddite icon?

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BSkyB hands out £1bn, board backs James Murdoch

Code Monkey
Pint

@PsychicMonkey

I study after work so telly's constantly threatening to distract me. The pub's much, much better but less of a temptation as it's a 10 minute walk to a decent one. BTW are we related? ;o)

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Code Monkey

Joe Public

Joe Public will do what Sky tells it to do.

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Code Monkey

Re: How much?

Jeez. That's 3 decentish nights down the pub, which I'd much rather do.

Telly's the enemy, Sky TV doubly so.

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'LONDON IS THE CENTRE OF THE technology WORLD'

Code Monkey
Windows

Scrum

Is Scrum genuinely a marketable skill? I thought it was turning up for a 15 minute team meeting every morning.

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