* Posts by Code Monkey

1559 posts • joined 16 Oct 2008

New ATLAS particle part of 'everyday mass'

Code Monkey

Post-Christmas I appear to be made of cheese.

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NASA detects 'heartbeat' of pint-sized star-sucker

Code Monkey
Windows

Black hole fanboi? Guilty as charged, though I don't feel the need to attack, say, pulsars and quasars in internet fora.

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Code Monkey
Pint

"pint-sized"

It's a figure of speech, meaning small.

For example jockeys are larger than a pint but referred to as pint-sized.

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Nokia lightens Dark Knight with Batman blower

Code Monkey

If it allows me to shine a massive bat logo on the clouds I'm in! Otherwise...

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'Flash Gordon' supercomputer powers up in January

Code Monkey

Dear HPC nerds

On powering up, please, please someone say "Gordon's Aliiiive!"

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I have you now! Top 10 Star Wars Xmas presents

Code Monkey
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Yoda Christmas tree lights! R2-D2 Christmas tree lights! It'd take me til next Christmas to decide which to go for.

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Higgs boson hunters have god particle in their sights

Code Monkey
Windows

"I don't understand the physics so I'll comment on the font"

TBH I've been doing the same myself.

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Small biz owners plan for stingy Xmas celebrations

Code Monkey
Boffin

Show up, eat the meal, have a few drinks on the bastards, leave earlyish. Thus avoiding being the one that gets talked about/asked to see HR the next day.

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Code Monkey
Pint

How about giving me £30 to go and get pished with my real friends instead?

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Chrome is the most secured browser - new study

Code Monkey
Trollface

Perhaps that explains why there's no Opera :o)

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Judge Dredd vs Zombies

Code Monkey
Headmaster

Perhaps

Perhaps the comparison was more in terms of you can pick it up, tit about with it for 10 minutes then put it down and get on with your day.

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Code Monkey

Nice. Now lets have an Android version.

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Voyager probe reaches edge of Solar System's 'bubble'

Code Monkey
Alien

"Thank you for visting the solar system"

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Japan, Russia in plan for elephant to birth CLONE MAMMOTH

Code Monkey

Shirley

"Mammoth" (with sarky quote fingers when spoken) surely

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Snowbound Alaskan survives on frozen beer

Code Monkey
Pint

Lucky

Lucky to have a shedload of beer in the car.

To add "... even if it was American pish" would be churlish.

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Apple files avatar automation, emotion patents

Code Monkey

Belm*

Does the Apple patent cover the belm?

* for those of you who didn't grow up in the North in the 70s/80s, Google it

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James Bond savages the Kardashians

Code Monkey
Windows

Kardashians

I'm not really sure who the Kardashians are. They're in the news a lot but I've no idea why.

007's spot on though (as far as celebutard culture goes in general) and kudos for turning down the wedding photo money.

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Zuckerberg submits privacy mea culpa after FTC ruling

Code Monkey

30 days

It's more like they're giving you 30 days to decide you can't live without it. I reckon a lot change their minds in that time.

I'm not disputing your suggestion that they "aggressively and maximally monetize" users' data in that time, though.

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Ubuntu team questions Distrowatch share slide figures

Code Monkey

To be fair to Distrowatch

Distrowatch admit as much and never make any grand claims for any distro's positiion in their rankings.

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Stonehenge finds hint at rituals far more ancient than the stones

Code Monkey
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+11 sir!

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Panasonic to punt smartphones in Europe

Code Monkey
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Tempting

I'm a huge fan of their cameras and I'm due a new phone in May. Not a pink one though.

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Psst, kid... Wanna learn how to hack?

Code Monkey
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PRINT "Hello, world! "

They were a lot more polite than I ever was.

This is a fantastic idea. I'll buy one to support them even if I can never make the time to tit about with it,

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Rock star physicist Cox: Neutrinos won't help us cheat time

Code Monkey
Trollface

@JMac

Or put it on Twitter

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Rogue Russian Mars probe communicates - but in gibberish

Code Monkey
Headmaster

Gibberish

It's known as RUSSIAN. Bloody xenophobes

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Spillover from 400lb man squeezed fellow flier into galley

Code Monkey
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"sweaty hambeasts"

Ah if only I were looking for a new commentard name...

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Bloke pays inked tribute to Top Gear

Code Monkey

Blimey

And what if Mr May gets caught doing something reprehensible?

(AFAIK Mr May isn't up to anything reprehensible - Code Monkey lawyers)

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Chromebooks: the flop of 2011?

Code Monkey

Nah

I wasn't in the least bit tempted. Price is similar to a netbook for a machine that's useless offline. You're right about tablets, too. I still use my aging Acer Aspire One quite a lot but if it does give up the ghost I don't expect to replace it, especially with a laptop upgrade due next year.

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Facebook phone rises from the dead, again

Code Monkey
Thumb Down

In case any of you are in the slightest doubt as to what a daft idea this is, re-read the article and replace "Facebook" with "MySpace". You'll be rewarded with a vision of what this phone will be in 2 years time.

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Man faces prison after enormous red chopper panics woman

Code Monkey
Facepalm

"Strange new slang term for penis?"

Chopper is a very well-established slang for penis. Get over yourself.

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Boffins reckon Mars quite blustery actually

Code Monkey

A child's windmill in sight of the camera would've done the trick

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Bishop to bless road salt supplies for added winter safety

Code Monkey
Trollface

Great

If I crash my car can I sue him for ineffective witch-doctoring?

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Visa to tell shops where their punters' wallets went next

Code Monkey
Black Helicopters

Cash

They'd probably see I went to the cashpoint next. Nosey basts

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New anonymity rule on Euro airport body scanners

Code Monkey

So the worried terrorist gets the manual search including HM rubber glove up the jacksy I expect.

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Mail Online is broken

Code Monkey

It's mostly Guardian readers trolling the comments

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Code Monkey

It being the Mail, maybe someone decided internal links give you cancer

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Welsh factions clash over .cymru and .wales bids

Code Monkey

Just have both!

... then registries can fleece businesses twice for each domain. I mean that's what these proposed TLDs are really about, right?

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Google flings Bing into search engine bin

Code Monkey

+1

The time is nigh for some other search engine to do what the young Google did (i.e. get search right) but MS is not the company to do it.

Google shunned all the portal crap and focussed on good search results. While today's Google is nowhere near the crapness of the search engines it replaced, can anyone remember when they last added anything that made search better?

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Gallery mulls 'damage' after cleaner scrubs modern art

Code Monkey
Headmaster

Roughly a linguine then.

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Pay-by-mobe app spells doom for impulse buyers

Code Monkey
Pint

Simply Tap

Granny-friendly Ginger soul/spoof pomp metal crossover tribute band?

Beer because, well because.

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Nokia CEO talks up Windows 8 tablet 'opportunity'

Code Monkey
Windows

Oh Microsoft

You were doing quite well. Windows 7 is pretty usable, after all. Now this one's going to suck isn't it?

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El Reg premieres PARIS: The Motion Picture

Code Monkey
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Splendid

[wipes away a small tear]

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Crime-fighting Seattle superhero unmasked, fired

Code Monkey
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Harsh

Seems harsh that he should lose his job. He's no hardened criminal. A complete tool no doubt, but a well-intentioned tool.

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Too many states are crushing net rights, says Foreign Sec

Code Monkey

Nice try Hague

"Look at the other countries, the foreigners. Aren't they bad, censoring the net?"

We're not fooled you bald shite.

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WHSmith Kobo Touch wireless e-book reader

Code Monkey

Books

Is the selection of books as rubbish as in bricks and mortar WH Smiths? I don't want to buy this thing if all I can read is James Corden's autobioghraphy.

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Nokia launches Windows Phone range

Code Monkey
Windows

Well..

... the blue one's pretty

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Apple gets patent for ‘unlock gesture’

Code Monkey

Prior art

I saw two Android-toting friends use unlock gestures this weekend. I was even thinking I should get one of those for mine.

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Sony Ericsson Xperia Ray Android smartphone

Code Monkey
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Small screen (well small phone)

That's exactly what I'll be looking for when my contract ends. This Desire is great but just too big

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Groupon sues ex-sales heads for defection to Google

Code Monkey
Joke

$6m

Sounds generous IMO

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Vegas man begs web for $1m to fix gigantic scrotum

Code Monkey
Trollface

He's taking the piss

No way do wheelbarrows cost that much!

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Collapsing cranes and cantankerous cars

Code Monkey
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NT News

The NT News could well overtake the Irish Daily Star as my favourite newspaper. Top stuff!

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