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* Posts by Code Monkey

1553 posts • joined 16 Oct 2008

Improbable: YOU gave model Lily Cole £200k for her Impossible.com whimsy-site

Code Monkey
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I wish ...

I wish UK govt had spent this money on nurses or something.

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O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay! Friday is Pi Day

Code Monkey
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Windows

Re: Like so many other web stories, this only applies to America.

In America Pi is 14.3 ... IIRC ours is different because of the metric system.

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Netflix needling you? BBC pimps up iPlayer ahead of BBC3 move

Code Monkey
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Re: Yay for iPlayer!

I like the old version, but breaking up the Factual monolith can only be a good thing (for me at least)

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Microsoft to push out penultimate XP patch on March Patch Tuesday

Code Monkey
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You can take Windows XP from my cold, dead, smeared over the dashboard hands.

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Distro diaspora: Four flavours of Ubuntu unpacked

Code Monkey
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Re: Gubuntu

I imagine RMS would've had strong words if they'd chosen Gnubuntu

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Ever get the impression a telesales op was being held prisoner?

Code Monkey
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It's a great way of getting the "work doesn't pay" message across

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Insecure hipsters with BEARD ENVY spur facial hair transplant craze

Code Monkey
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Windows

Re: I can't keep up

I was shaving my ass like baboons before it was cool.

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Booze and bacon sarnies: A recipe for immortality?

Code Monkey
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Re: Nobel prize incoming

Bacon is a superfood, but let's keep it quiet. As soon as the Graun set get hold of this, prices will rocket.

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NHS England tells MPs: 'The state isn't doing dastardly things with GP medical records'

Code Monkey
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Re: What do you want from the NHS

This is not about mistrusting the healthcare professionals. It's mistrusting the management wonks - either now or in a few governments' time who will flog this off to the highest bidder.

Sooner or later they will fuck the nation over massively with this. They will.

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Code Monkey
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Big Brother

Re: "Start the slurping and we'll do the "code of conduct" later."

And this is exactly why I've opted out. Not that I'd trust these bastarts with a code of practice either.

[dons tinfoil hat]

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Micro Men: The story of the syntax era

Code Monkey
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Ha! Splendid!

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Code Monkey
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My career, mediocre as it is, is another that began in the 80s with a Spectrum. As such I never knew Sir Clive but his protrayal seemed a wee bit OTT.

Granted our industry is filled with ... highly-strung people but OTT all the same.

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China's censors censor press censorship report

Code Monkey
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Headmaster

"Australia fared best in 28th"

I would suggest that 27 countries fared better.

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Google Glassholes, GET OFF our ROADS, thunder lawmakers in seven US states

Code Monkey
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Re: So does this ban smart-watches?

Whether we need a law or not, we'll probably get one. Blair started banning things that were already banned and the current lot continue to do so.

Somehting to do with being seen to do someting.

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Volunteers slam plans to turn Bletchley Park into 'geeky Disneyland'

Code Monkey
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Devil

I look forward to them telling the story of how the Americans cracked the Enigma code.

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Do you wear specs? Google Glass offers YOU amazing live HD video

Code Monkey
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Re: De gustibus…

They make you look like a great, shining bell.

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Candy Crush dev stuffs EU 'candy' trademark down gob

Code Monkey
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Windows

One side-effect is we'll have to go back to calling them "sweets".

I approve.

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Naked Aussie gets wedged in washing machine

Code Monkey
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Worthy of the Northern Territory News. Colleague from Darwin is delighted to hear of more southerly Aussies being so dumb.

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Excise Xmas prezzie indecision MISERY with El Reg’s gift guide²

Code Monkey
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Trollface

Re: washable keyboard?

I can think of quite a few people who could use a washable keyboard.

Stop sniggering at the back!

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OMG, Andrex KILLED the PUPPY! Not quilty, exclaim bog roll boys

Code Monkey
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Re: Online toilet paper lovers?

Anything that doesn't feel like tracing paper/sandpaper and your finger doesn't go through will do for me.

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If you want an IT job you'll need more than a degree, say top techies

Code Monkey
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Unhappy

Re: The first hurdle....

Indeed. I'm in my 40s and halfway through a degree now - despite having worked on the internet since the 90s.

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What is thy bidding? Han Solo’s shooter goes under the hammer

Code Monkey
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Re: Excellent timing

"What this old thing? Just £5 on Well Known Auction Site (tm)"

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Super-stealth FLYING CAR prototype seen outside GOOGLE HQ

Code Monkey
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Terminator

So having provided a cyberpunk dystopia, Google are moving on to more optimistic sci-fi.

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The ULTIMATE cuppa showdown: And the winner is...

Code Monkey
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Re: Taking the tea,

12 mugs of tea sounds reasonable to me. If I spent, say a Saturday at home I'll easily get through 7 or 8 pints mugs of tea before "caffeine lasites" (sometimes aka pub o'clock).

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Code Monkey
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Re: Earl Grey - VOTE NOW

A qualified +1 there - for mug size only.

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Code Monkey
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Clipper was my tea of choice till I overcame my "cultural" aversion to Yorkshire Tea about 18 months ago.

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Code Monkey
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As long as you avoid the cheaper supermarket varieties I reckon how you make a cuppa has more bearing than the choice of tea. Though FWIW my vote's for Yorkshire Tea.

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Vladimir PUTIN officially HARDER than CHUCK NORRIS

Code Monkey
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Windows

@Ledswinger "Friday afternoon journalism" - was Re: Wrong Art - Chuck's 9th Dan too.

I'm all for Friday afternoon journalism. In fact I'd like it all week long.

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Code Monkey
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So ... is this just some honourary title cos he's the President, or something genuine like Kim Jung Il's golf prowess?

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ULTIMATE ELECTRIC driving machine? Yes, it’s the BMW i3 e-car

Code Monkey
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I realise that being "seen to be green" is kinda the point for a lot of people but I wish manufacturers would make them look like normal cars.

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Latest global menace: ELECTROPULSE NORKS, apparently

Code Monkey
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Unhappy

Re: In this country we use privatised electricity companies

I don't mind the odd outage as electricity's so cheap ... oh.

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Planet hopper: The Earthly destinations of Doctor Who

Code Monkey
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Re: O Canada

They had that big ruckus at Canary Wharf - aka One Canada Square. Will that do you, eh?

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It's the Inter-THREAT of THINGS: Lightbulb ARMY could turn on HUMANITY

Code Monkey
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Windows

I'm getting more Luddite as the grey hairs multiply, but what problem does the internet-connected lightbulb solve?

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Google's Nexus 5: Best smartphone bang for your buck. There, we said it

Code Monkey
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Re: Call Quality?

I can't speak for the Nexus 5 but 4 was awful till it got Jellybean. Since then it's very good.

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Code Monkey
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Re: Undecided as yet

I have a Nexus 4 with native Jellybean (Kitkat can't be far off) and there's no branding or GUI nonsense. There is a lot of Google stuff that I don't use and don't want.

In my experience native Android is a huge improvement over the crap-stuffed HTC I had before but I'd like a bit more chance to remove a lot of the Googly bits (though I can't be arsed to do much about it).

Nexus 5 looks good to me but I'll stick with what I have unless it takes a tumble into a pint.

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Funds flung at 9-inch fan-built Raspberry Pi monitor

Code Monkey
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I'm interested, but ...

I'm interested, but Feb 2014 seems a very optimisic date for delivery.

[cautious thumbs up icon]

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Could Doctor Who really bump into human space dwellers?

Code Monkey
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Boffin

Yes he can (and did)

Just look at the countless programmes showing the Doctor and humans in space. I watched the documentary "Nightmare of Eden" over the weekend. Lots on insterstellar travel goings on - not to mention some of the most comical aliens you'll ever see. This sort of evidence is irrefutable.

There are 50 years worth of similar documentaries.

QED

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ROBOT PODS to INVADE Milton Keynes in frenzied automatic MAYHEM

Code Monkey
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Re: The future!

I'd welcome them in my own city*. Taxi home for bus prices with no prams/drunks/tinny R&B and no need to make smalltalk with a driver. Yes please!**

* assuming they don't end up reeking of piss

** again, assuming they don't end up reeking of piss - it's worth repeating

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Reg reader's nipper takes felt pens to Vulture 2

Code Monkey
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Windows

FELT TIP

Freely-Expressed LOHAN Tinted Trim In Pen

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Code Monkey
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That's the best I've seen so far. Slap a few Reg stickers on and I reckon you have a winner.

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Man+iPhone versus artificial intelligence: Anki robot racer slot cars

Code Monkey
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Devil

Re: I want one

Dave126 in turn, you have taken me back to the last time I bought my nephew Lego for Christmas.

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Thousands! of! Yahoo! Mail! users! driven! crazy! by! revamp!

Code Monkey
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Windows

"Thousands! Of! Yahoo! Mail! Users!

... they're doing better than I'd thought, then.

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Oz bookshop to deliver by drone

Code Monkey
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Joke

So an improvement on Yodel, then.

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BOFH: Welcome to Helldesk, ma'am, may I take your bags?

Code Monkey
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One day ...

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BOOGIE BALLMER: Steve Dirty Dances at tearful Microsoft leaving do

Code Monkey
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Pint

@diodesign

In the meantime, we'll always have the monkey boy dance http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RINizGmhrYo

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Code Monkey
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Pint

So long Ballmer. You were tremendous fun. [raises imaginary beer]

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'Bet Lynch' types BANNED from zoo for upsetting not-so-wildlife

Code Monkey
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Mushroom

Just open the cages

Let these fools take their own chances. It's a dog* eat dog** world.

* lion

** sartorially-challenged onesie bastard

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Michael Gove: C'mon kids, quit sexting – send love poems instead

Code Monkey
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Windows

Re: Mary had a little lamb, and it was always gruntin'...

Ha!

I shall add poetry to the very long of things not to attempt on a Monday.

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Code Monkey
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Roses are red

Voilets are blue

I'm often blunt

Gove is <redacted>

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E-book him! Entire Judge Dredd back catalogue gets iDevice treatment

Code Monkey
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By Grudd that looks a good deal

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