* Posts by Michael H.F. Wilkinson

4245 publicly visible posts • joined 24 Apr 2007

Yes, I did just crash that critical app. And you should thank me for having done so

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
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as long as you don't catch Elm disease

Ad agency boss owned two Ferraris but wouldn't buy a real server

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

I have rarely had issues getting funding for hardware for a specific task, but I did once fail to get any funds for the purchase of a software library. This was in the early 90s, and I requested funds for the purchase of a UI-building toolbox for MS-DOS and Windows 3.x, which at the time was a fairly pricey bit of code, but I argued that it would save tons of development time. Developing a toolbox myself would take months (and would lack the portability of the toolbox I wanted), and the cost of my salary over those months would far outstrip the cost of said software. Common sense did not prevail. One problem was that I had already developed a reasonable library for MS-DOS, but without the ease of use of a UI-editor etc., so I could hobble along and develop applications at a slower pace. General conclusion: hardware is sexy, software isn't.

'Chemical cat' on the loose in Japanese city

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

Sounds like the kitty may have used up all of its nine lives in one go

Japan's first private satellite launch imitates SpaceX's giant explosions

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
Mushroom

Classic RUD

Better luck next time. Rocket science is indeed hard

Note: RUD = Rapid Unplanned Disassembly

(although I assume most Register Regulars know this)

BOFH: I get locked out, but I get in again

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

Re: Swopping Locks

Here in the Netherlands, those three digit locks vanished AGES ago due to the ease with which they were opened. As a kid, even I could open them in very short order. You need BOFH resistant (BOFH proof is probably impossible) locks for your bikes over here

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
Happy

Very neat episode, nice little cliff-hanger

Swapping various keys around reminds me of the ancient MS-DOS skullduggery of swapping font tables out for Cyrillic or mirrored fonts. That could cause some havoc (especially the Cyrillic) with people trying to change back to regular, or at least semi-readable fonts

Intern with superuser access 'promoted' himself to CEO

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

Niall clearly had a lot to learn ...

before ever getting to true BOFH (or even PFY) level of abusive IT shenanigans. Sending an e-mail in the boss's name is one thing, but a proper BOFH would never have it traceable to himself.

Likewise, giving an intern admin rights over anything at all suggests there were no BOFH-level admins on site either.

Health system network turned out to be a house of cards – Cisco cards, that is

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

If something cannot possibly go wrong ...

it will.

The more people depend on the things not going wrong, the harder it will.

Murphy's Laws hard at work

They call me 'Growler'. I don't like you. Let's discuss your pay cut

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

I wouldn't trust Growler further than I could kick him. The only way I would have agreed to help in the sale of the kit was after Growler signed a contract that I would receive a hefty commission on any sale. Otherwise I would probably suggested him to go and suck a neutron star.

Doffs hat to the late, great Douglas Adams

BOFH: In the event of a conference, the ninja clause always applies

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
Pint

"Alcoholic beverages as social anesthetic"

Brilliant, I'll drink to that

Dutch insurers demand nudes from breast cancer patients despite ban

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
Mushroom

Absolutely appalling

There should be serious consequences for those responsible. Dutch health insures have become complete control freaks, requiring huge written reports and intervention plans for even the simplest medical procedure (like for the physiotherapy needed for a sprained ankle (I kid you not)), ostensibly to ensure money isn't wasted, but in practice it drives costs up and increasing delays. This is just one of the worst excesses of this system.

'Crash test dummy' smashed VIP demo by offering a helping hand

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Its circuit's dead, there's more than just something wrong

BOFH: Hearken! The Shiny Button software speaks of Strategic Realignment

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"I was thinking more of murder suicide,"

Apart from a certain microbiome, and blood in the water, there is the distinct smell of database normalization warnings in the air.

Please install that patch – but don't you dare actually run it

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
Coffee/keyboard

This must rate as the most moronic management policy ...

EVER!

On second thoughts, there may be even more moronic management policies. I shudder at the thought, but never underestimate the ability of management to create clusterfucks of epic proportions.

Maybe there should be a Most Moronic Management Policy (M3P) award, to be awarded annually.

Square Kilometre Array prototype 'scope achieves first light

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Wonderful stuff

Really excited about this progress. In our group, together with colleagues from the Kapteyn Astronomical Institute, we are currently developing astronomical image processing software, which works neatly on optical data from various sources like the VLT or EUCLID, but still has issues in radio astronomy (we have worked on LOFAR and APERTIF data). We hope to start testing on MEERKAT data soon, but the aim is to hunt for faint structures in SKA data as well. I gather data cubes of some 800 giga-voxel will be used in a next challenge. Time will tell how well this will go.

One person's shortcut was another's long road to panic

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

Ouch!

I do remember one script I wrote to back up stuff getting into an infinite loop because someone had made a symlink loop in their directory structure. This resulted in loads of extra copies on the backup drive before I could stop it. Changed the script to ignore symlinks. Fairly harmless, but annoying as I had to clean up the back-up manually

Wait, security courses aren't a requirement to graduate with a computer science degree?

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

The fact that there is no specific cybersecurity course (there are currently several in our curriculum) does not mean cybersecurity isn't taught as an integral part of programming and software engineering courses. Cybersecurity is not something you should tack on to an existing piece of code or system, it should really be integral to the design. Even in introductory courses on computer science, cybersecurity is discussed as an important topic. Over the decades, cybersecurity has become more and more important in our curriculum, as systems have become more complex and interconnected, which is why additional courses on the topic have been developed.

BOFH: Looks like you're writing an email. Fancy telling your colleague to #$%^ off?

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
Happy

Re: Another one bites the dust

Reminds me of a footnote in one of the Discworld books when a Professor of Woolly Thinking is mentioned: "Woolly thinking is a bit like fuzzy logic only less vague"

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
Coffee/keyboard

Hilarious episode, once again

"Unstable fasting" is a phrase to remember. That and a "cleaning alcohol" fund (Islay single malt, for preference).

What does puzzle me is that it is only the PFY contemplating the number of ways this could backfire, but maybe Simon was too busy contemplating the number of ways he could (ab)use the system to his advantage,

The title has such a nice "clippy" reference, too.

We put salt in our tea so you don't have to

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

I used to drink tea (Keemun China black tea for preference) with milk, (as a kid with sugar, later without). Living in a student house where milk could be "interesting" at times (nicked by someone else, or generally lumpy), I started drinking it without milk, and continue to this day (more of a Chinese way of making tea, and they invented the stuff, so I have several Imperial dynasties to back me up).

In my experience, Americans add FAR too much salt to EVERYTHING, so small wonder they want to put salt into their cuppa.

IT consultant fined for daring to expose shoddy security

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

Modern Solutions?

Modern Screw-up, more likely. They can hardly claim blaming the messenger is modern, after all

Junior techie had leverage, but didn’t appreciate the gravity of the situation

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

Re: Curious 6000kva?

And a nice blue glow around it when suspended in water, I assume

WTF? Potty-mouthed intern's obscene error message mostly amused manager

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
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Did the error message contain the word "Belgium"?

Sorry, couldn't resist.

I'll get my coat

BOFH: Nice air conditioning system. Would be a shame if anything happened to it

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
Coffee/keyboard

Hilarious episode, once more!

"When was that?" the Boss asks.

"Every morning next week," I reply.

Brilliant, just brilliant.

While we fire the boss, can you lock him out of the network?

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

Sounds like the network engineer ...

wasn't called Simon. No problems with Windows installs or database normalization warnings

44-year-old Voyager 2 data sheds light on solar system's magnetic personalities

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Fascinating stuff!

It goes to show what can be achieved by carefully sifting through existing, shared data, rather than making new observations or building new instruments. The insights gleaned can shape the form of new observations and the design of the inevitable new instruments we need as well. Open, shared data is the best way forward for science.

New year, new bug – rivalry between devs led to a deep-code disaster

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

Never worked on an Amiga, but I thought the "Guru Meditation" error messages had a lot more style than the bland "segmentation fault" messages that drive so many of our students to distraction.

BOFH: The Christmas party was so good, an independent inquiry is required

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
Flame

Hilarious episode once more

I am left to wonder if the fire extinguisher mentioned for Round Two isn't somehow filled with the over proof rum mentioned earlier. Just for some added Xmas warmth

Merry Xmas to all

Superuser mostly helped IT, until a BSOD saw him invent a farcical fix

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

Sounds like one user learned the hard way that back-ups are essential. I recall quite a few cases where I used various Norton tools to recover 95% or more of a student's thesis because they failed to back up properly. Never heard of Yoshi's magic time setting trick, I must say.

Microsoft Forms feature request still not sorted after SEVEN years

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
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Don't rush them!

Implementing a time field takes time!

Sorry, couldn't resist

Enterprising techie took the bumpy road to replacing vintage hardware

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

Re: We've all made that call.

It's the terminal form of percussive maintenance/a.k.a. put old kit out of our misery

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
Happy

Well played by Loudon! A bumpy road is clearly a good replacement for the BOFH's panel-beating hammer of yore.

Somehow I am thinking of a dead skunk in the middle of the road now. Wonder why

BOFH: Just because we've had record revenues doesn't mean you get a Xmas bonus

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
Happy

Superb episode, real Xmas treat

Simon clearly knows emperor Vespasian's dictum "pecunia non olet" (money does not stink), as the use of the scour valve shows.

The fragrance of the board members might be a different matter, of course.

Half a century ago, NASA's Pioneer 10 visited Jupiter, then just kept going

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I remember watching the Pioneer images of Jupiter in awe (in the National Geographic Magazine)

I was hooked by the Apollo programme, nagged my parent's to allow me to see Neil Armstrong's first steps on the moon live (they allowed it, bless them), and later built my own Newtonian telescope (as a teenager). One of the most awesome sights is always Jupiter wit its ever-changing cloud belts, and the dance of the Galilean moons. I followed the Pioneer, Viking and Voyager programmes avidly, and now have the privilege of contributing to data analysis of EUCLID images. Sheer bliss.

Hershey phishes! Crooks snarf chocolate lovers' creds

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

The words "Hershey" and "chocolate" should not be used in a single sentence, unless accompanied by some kind of negation. I get the feeling Hershey uses homeopathic amounts of cocoa products in all their recipes (word used without prejudice).

Sysadmin's favorite collection of infallible utilities failed … foully

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

Cleanliness can have its downsides

Reminds me of the reason I installed Windows NT 4.0 on our home machine. My wife tended to clean up things on disk, which is commendable in itself, but removing autoexec.bat, command.com, or config.sys can be unhelpful. After I installed NT 4.0 and didn't give her admin rights, things somehow ran much more smoothly. She was a bit ticked off at having to log in, but at least the thing would boot up properly.

Ex-school IT admin binned student, staff accounts and trashed phone system

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

Rather amateurish wannabe BOFH

The real BOFH knows so much better how to create real mayhem and get away with the sabotage, even when he is still in the building, as witnessed when he used his ether-killer.

Musk tells advertisers to 'go f**k' themselves as $44B X gamble spirals into chaos

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
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Re: Delusional narcissist

I think the technical term is that he has "flipped his lid", at least that is the verdict of Gag Halfrunt, former presidential brain-care specialist.

Doffs hat to the late, great Douglas Adams.

Share your 2024 tech forecasts (wrong answers only) to win a terrible sweater

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

Re: Three New Starships

This is immediately after AI detects an incoming giant mutant star goat by combining the first Square Kilometre Array data with EUCLID and JWT data. Later it turns out the neural networks had a nervous breakdown de to the power supply being overloaded, and hallucinated the goat.

IT sent the intern to sort out the nasty VP who was too important to bother with backups

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
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A screw down to correct the VP's screw-up, one might say. There is a pleasing kind of symmetry there.

I'll get me coat

BOFH: Groundbreaking discovery or patently obvious trolling?

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>DUMMY MODE ON!<

Liked that, it has been a while. I thought I picked up the signs of bringing management stack theory into practice and wasn't disappointed. Extra thumbs up for making the boss think he has a cunning plan.

Why have just one firewall when you can fire all the walls?

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

It was mounted at Cassegrain focus, but declination -10 could push it beyond the safe levels when the object was not due south, as I recall. Apparently, the engineers left quite a safety margin (thank goodness).

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

Re: "could hear the telescope motors start humming"

Note that the spectrograph was ours, bolted on the back of the scope, and the telescope software had nothing to do with the limits on the spectrograph, and there was no way for the coders to know that this limit applied.

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

Didn't affect an entire network, but I do recall a scary experience with a computer that was controlling a 1.5m diameter IR telescope high up in the mountains of Switzerland. We we testing a new IR spectrograph, and one of the instructions I got from the engineer was that I should not move the telescope below -10 degrees declination, or else the liquid nitrogen and liquid helium might get poured out of the system, and various things might fail dramatically. The software controlling the telescope was, lets say, "interesting" in that an English language user interface was a late addition (afterthought is the correct phrase). It was very basic: it would prompt you for the coordinates of the object of interest, show the coordinates on the screen, and ask for confirmation by asking "Is this OK?".

At one point, I noticed I made a typo in the coordinates of the object of interest, entering -16 deg declination rather than -6 deg. At the prompt "Is this OK?" I dutifully entered "N" for no, just as I had successfully entered "Y" for yes previously. I was horrified to see the cheerful response I had seen so often before "Then I go!", and could hear the telescope motors start humming. There was no way to stop this before it pointed to this low position in the sky. Apparently, the user interface would consider any character input as a thumbs up, except for Cntrl-D (Unix EOF). We rushed upstairs expect all kinds of damage caused by this action. Luckily, the spectrograph survived this abuse, and worked fine for the rest of the session. I did suggest to our Italian hosts that they might want to update their UI and manuals.

Copilot coming to Windows 10 to help navigate the OS's twilight years

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
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Re: Déjà vu all over again

Some repressed memories are rearing their ugly heads at the mere mention of Clippy. What is it that makes artificial cheerfulness (AC) make me as a user feel the need to apply the 230 V kind of AC to various parts of a computer's anatomy that were never intended for it? Let's face it, Eddy the shipboard computer in the HHGTTG was far more annoying than Marvin the paranoid android ever could be.

Lawyer guilty of arrogance after ignoring tech support

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
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Re: GIF pronunciation controversy

I just use a different file format. Saves trouble

Beijing reportedly asked Hikvision to identify fasting students in Muslim-majority province

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

"suspected of fasting"

The fact you would want to find such "suspects" is suspicious. Not unexpected in the case of this particular government (and I bet there are many others who do the same, but less overtly).

Bright spark techie knew the drill and used it to install a power line, but couldn't outsmart an odd electrician

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

Ouch!

Lucky the drill was sufficiently insulating to prevent a truly shocking experience. This is precisely why I like these little cable detection gimmicks, even if the plans of the building are available and show where the wires should be. I have encountered enough short-cuts and assorted wiring horrors (including a yellow/green wire carrying 220 V AC) that I don't trust anything. Measure twice, drill once, one might say.

BOFH: Monitor mount moans end in Beancounter beatdown

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
Coffee/keyboard

Brilliant, just briliant

"Budget item 4857 rings less bells than an unemployed hunchback."

Some students passing by my office were rather startled by my hoot of laughter. I will just let them think I was grading exams, and I had just come across some of the more hilarious answers (like blithely stating that the square root of -4 equals -2, and happily suggesting that value ass a plausible focal length for a camera lens).

Woo-hoo, UK ahead of Europe in this at least – enterprise IT automation

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

Of course BOFHs want to do their own thing

with quicklime and old carpets if needed. If heads of IT tell them what to do and said heads will be at the business end of a database normalization warning