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* Posts by Admiral Grace Hopper

413 posts • joined 7 Oct 2008

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FAIL - the most incompetent IT pros

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Father Dougal

A sandwich student, recently arrived for his mid-course year of work, find himself staring at the Big Red Emergency Shutdown button and wonders what it does. To find out he presses it. Bringing the building containing several hundred developers and all the dev and test systems back up took an entire day as we discovered that all the kit that we had piled in over the years couldn't all be started at once without tripping the power supply.

The next week all the Big Red Buttons got Big Perspex Lift Off Covers to make pressing them an more conscious decision.

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Admiral Grace Hopper
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Re: The most incompetent contract programmer...

That sounds horribly familiar. If he went into VB coding without managing to pick up the basics of event handling or being able to spell the word "Message" in text-box titles then my boss hired him and I fired him.

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e-Borders fiasco: Brits stung for £224m after US IT giant sues UK govt

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Re: Fings ain't what they used to be

@Tony Gathercole - that's how government talks. I shouldn't imagine that the Police National Computer was just one huge box. When HMG says, "computer", read "computer-based system" and you're there. By the time their terminology has caught we'll have moved on to the latest way of processing data which uses wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey tech rather computers.

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Nice computers don’t need to go to the toilet, says Barclays

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Re: Your name on the coffee 'cup'

For coffee-buying purposes my name is "Evadne".

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Thirteen Astonishing True Facts You Never Knew About SCREWS

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Pint

Re: No. 2

Up votes for both of you. I wish we could have this discussion over a beer.

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Admiral Grace Hopper
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Re: Can of worms opened.

No can of worms, it's a set screw in the picture. I grew up reading two sets of literature: books on diseases of the eye thanks to my Mother's training as a nurse at Wolverhampton Eye Hospital and the sales material that my Dad, sales manager of GKN Automotive Fasteners, brought home with him. I memorised symptoms and torque tables. No wonder I wound up it IT.

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Admiral Grace Hopper
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Re: What?

My father worked for GKN Automotive Fasteners so this article was catnip to me. I am pleased that Nettlefold's contribution is remembered beyond the association of his name with tose of Guest and Keen. My father's former employers, Steel Nut & Joseph Hampton sank with Woden tools at the end of the 60s.

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Admiral Grace Hopper
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WTF?

No. 2

Set screw.

(But you knew that and were just screwing with us. Weren't you?)

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iPad? More like iFAD: We reveal why Apple fell into IBM's arms

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Re: Do Apple know...........?

Inefficient But Marketable

Inert Blue Monolith

I've Been Mugged

...

I Bought a Macintosh.

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Big Blue Apple: IBM to sell iPads, iPhones to enterprises

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Re: I wonder how they'll be sold

In 1984, it would have seemed impossible. By 1992 they called it Taligent (née Pink).

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'iPhone 6' survives FRENZIED STABBING. Truly, it is the JESUS Phone

Admiral Grace Hopper
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But will it blend?

As per title.

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Google Glass gets 2GB of RAM. Think about this. Two gigs of RAM

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Windows

... and when upgrading your mainframe from 256MB to 512MB main store was a weekend job with a £7.7 million price tag.

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London commuter hell will soon include 'one card to rule them all'

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Bong

Where's Steve Bong when you need him?

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iOS 8 to PROBE your GUTS and your HOME

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Silos

In a previous existence I worked for EDS under Dick Brown who sent regular uplifting missives to all hands. He made the best and clearest statement about silos that I ever read, so good that I memorised it and live by it to this this day:

"Taking a holistic view removes silo blinders and allows us to surround opportunities throughout the organization".

Poetry.

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ASUS launches 5-in-1 Android Windows Phone laptop tablet (breathe)

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Re: Identity Crisis

That all depends - what screen resolution are we talking? *narrows eyes* *fingers safety catch*

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Could a 'Zunewatch' be Microsoft's next hardware foray?

Admiral Grace Hopper
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MS Watch v2.0

As ever, wait for v3.0 of anything from MS for the one that works.

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French IT giant Atos is officially full of Bull.... and €620m lighter

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Ah, Bull

I used to love having Bull as a supplier. Out 90 minute weekly meeting when deploying a whole bunch of DPX/20 servers would follow a set pattern:

- Meet and greet

- Progress update

- First question from our devs

- 80 minutes of in-fighting between the two Bull guys

- One hour meeting after the meeting to sort out the stuff not sorted due to the infighting

- Pub

Happy days.

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French software developers are all beautiful women

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Women, on the whole are easier to look at than men. This is certainly the case in the office in which I work. Sorry guys.

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Today's bugs have BRANDS? Be still my bleeding heart [logo]

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Flense

There's nothing wrong with the word "flense". Removing blubber from any code is to applauded.

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BOFH: Oh DO tell us what you think. *CLICK*

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Security Breach

Ok, so who leaked our process documents?

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Why won't you DIE? IBM's S/360 and its legacy at 50

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Quite so.

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Boss at 'Microsoft' scam support biz told to cough £000s in comp

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Re: Time wasting

That's my favoured approach. "... But there isn't a Start button on this UI ...".

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Boeing, Cupertino to 'explore weaponisation of Apple technologies'

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Re: Good effort

I was fished in until they said that Apple had talked to El Reg.

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Ugh! This DUNKABLE wearable tech is REPELLENT

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Re: grout technology

"I'm still waiting for my damn hoverboars"

See also: commercially available jetpacks.

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Nvidia unveils Titan Z: An 8TFLOPS off-the-shelf supercomputer disguised as a gfx card

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Re: Yowser

@Naughtyhorse - I believe the accepted unit is the Shedload or the Metric ShitTonne.

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Flying Toaster screen savers return on GitHub

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Johnny Castaway

Must code a recreation of that sometime, although I'm not convinced I ever saw all the events. The pirate ship was a particular favourite.

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How AGILE DIPLOMACY will spike PUTIN'S GUNS

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Lady Programmer Available

Well over 25, ugly as a thunking layer, 28 years experience C/C++/COBOL/S3/BASH/PowerShell/SQL, available immediately.

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Google Glass: Reg man tests tech specs

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Like, gag me with a spoon.

"I have even heard that it is spreading across the country among young fems."

That is so grody. Like, grody To The Max.

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HP busts out new ProLiant rack mount based on Intel's new top o' line server chippery

Admiral Grace Hopper
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@seven of five

"I´d exepected you to suggest pirates."

Piracy? No.

Indestructability? Yes!

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Retiring greybeards force firms to retrain Java, .NET bods as mainframe sysadmins

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Funnily enough, I've just been having a conversation about how to make COBOL and attractive option for recent graduates as without new blood to fettle the old code there's going to be a very expensive re-write coming down the line. 20 years convinced that COBOL would be retired before I was, now I'm not so sure.

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Microsoft UK seeks infrastructure guys for BYOD workshops

Admiral Grace Hopper
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"Crack In The Attic"

In the vernacular of the West Midlands, "Cack In The Attic".

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Object to #YearOfCode? You're a misogynist and a snob, says the BBC

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Short shopping list

Find kids who want to learn either how computers work or how to make a computer do something.

Teach them to work out how this might be made to happen.

Teach them the skills they need to make it happen.

Encourage them to make it happen.

Stand behind them ready to help when they ask, but not so close that they bump into you when they turn around.

Guide and praise them as necessary.

Ask them what they're going to to do next.

And that's it.

You've got the put the resources in place - they'll need a big sandbox to play in - but make that available to the right kids and they'll do most of the work for you. Try to drag anyone kicking and screaming or dumbing things down so that the whole class can do it even if they've no interest or aptitude won't help anyone.

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Apple pushes back release date for 'dustbin chic' Mac Pro

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Apple's Hacker Princess dumps fruity firm for Elon Musk's Tesla

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Tesla Girls

Well that's this year's project sorted out. All I need to work out now is where to keep the Tesla coil when I've finished it.

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Apple in bid to turn MORE and MORE humans into iPhone-stroking fanbois

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Re: Half a job...

Or is it 100 million screens before the plant is worn out and decommissioned? That would make for some expensive screens.

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fWHoaR! Trick-cyclists crack eternal mystery of WHAT WOMEN WANT in a man

Admiral Grace Hopper
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I'm not currently looking for a relationship

But if I chanced on a chap with a large bank balance and a dodgy heart my head could be turned.

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Indian press focuses on Satya Nadella's love of cricket

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Batters?

Batter is what you put fish in. The cricketer at the wicket with a bat in their hand is a "batsman", in both male and female versions of the game.

There are batters in rounders, but that's a childs' game and need not detain us.

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This THREESOME is a HANDFUL: It’s the Asus Transformer Book Trio

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Re: Just wish

That's an entirely reasonable question. For gear for my personal use, Windows is just a placeholder. I read reviews of kit running Windows solely to find out if there are any bumps in the road to installing another OS.

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El Reg BuzzFelch: 10 Electrical Connectors You CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT!

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Joe Lucas - Prince Of Darkness

@Nigel 11 - thank you for dredging up the memory of my Dad (who worked in the automotive component industry) intoning, "Joe Lucas, Prince Of Darkness", whenever conversation turned to automotive electricals.

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Admiral Grace Hopper
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I was commenting flippantly, but hey, whatever floats your boat.

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Admiral Grace Hopper
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Re: BS 546

Downvoters are probably insisting on BS1363 rectangular pin AC power plugs, but each to their own.

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Admiral Grace Hopper
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BS 546

I protest the absence of the UK three-pin AC power plug.

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Volunteers slam plans to turn Bletchley Park into 'geeky Disneyland'

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Flame

One hour?

Blimey, that's a bit swift. I've been on the Bletchley Park tour a few times and found it perfectly paced at 90 minutes. Mind you, if they're not taking in the Tunny/Colossus exhibit in the National Museum of Computing then that will save some time - pointlessy, stupidly and inadvisedly, but it will save some time.

The decisions being taken by the Bletchley Park Trust seem bent on ripping apart two collections that really do have synergy - the one time that word does have a place in describing in how a place should be run and management are running away from it.

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Reg snaps moment when Facebook turned air Blu: 1PB box for unloved pics

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Re: Missing the tactile joy

A tactile joy indeed, and handling tape reels always had its own soundtrack.

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Elderly Bletchley Park volunteer sacked for showing Colossus exhibit to visitors

Admiral Grace Hopper
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umount -f Toys

I go to the National Museum of Computing once a year, largely to see how the ICL2900 is getting along, but because it puts me back in touch with why I love this discipline and trade so much. I usually combine it with a spin around Bletchley Park itself as well, a practice which has given me the privilege of rubbing shoulders with WRENs who worked at BP in the war. Sadly it looks as though my next visit to the NMoC will be just that and no more as I don't want to reward this behaviour; it's childish, spiteful and short-sighted.

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Is Google building SKYNET? Ad kingpin buys AI firm DeepMind

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Terminator

When you asked Google to comment

Did they reply, "F*ck you, asshole"?

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Why do women pick IT as a career ?

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Why IT

Back in 1986 I couldn't find anyone hiring recently graduated physicists anywhere near where I wanted to live but someone did want mainframe programmers so hey ho, let's go programming. It's been a good thing by and large, with a greater emphasis on what I can deliver as an individual compared to other technical and engineering industries. I compare my experience with that of an acquaintance who works as an engineer for a railway rolling stock manufacturer. While the overall gender balance is similar, the role specialisation by gender and resistance to women moving forward in technical roles seems much greater than my experience in IT.

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My name is Dabbsy and I am an EMAILOHOLIC

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Kill them with fire

I've just done a purge of old email addresses and centralised everything on one single account, and yet ... I've still got a nagging thought that there's something somewhere poised to send a vitally important mail to one of the old accounts now gathering dust and spam.

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Sinclair’s 1984 big shot at business: The QL is 30 years old

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Excellent article, thank you.

I look forward the the piece about the OPD. ICL had some excellent technology - CAFS, a superb SSD storage system back in 1990, VME (still the best OS for its purpose I ever used) - but OPD was one the bravest, wildest bits of What-The-Fuckery I ever saw.

Another side note: whenever I have an anxiety dream I always seem to walk into a data hall with walls painted ICL orange. Some things run deep.

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Connecting Gmail to Google+ is SENSELESS, says Digg founder

Admiral Grace Hopper
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Other options

Alternatively, you can restrict the people allowed to exercise this option to those in your Google+ circles. As my Google+ is a howling void, any messages coming from that direction will be more likely to come from Cthulhu than a human being. Or Friendster.

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