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* Posts by twat

28 posts • joined 26 Sep 2008

Discovery ISS gig go for Wednesday

twat

Give them Miller Light

instead of installing a urine recycler give them Miller Light. It tastes the same.

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Red Dwarf touches down in Coronation Street

twat
Coat

people die/ come back to life

People die and come back to life all the time on soaps, except this time Rimmer has done the reverse.

Mines the one with the curry stains on it

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Brits and Yanks struck with embarasment embarrassment

twat

It's Minnellium!

At least thats how Jennifer Saunders pronounces it..

Also the yanks don't know how to pronounce Edinborough. Actually I am not sure I do either. Is it Edinburrah or Edinbruh? Any Scots out there?

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Sat scope discovers Earthlike 'sauna world'

twat

Depends on the pressure

It could still be liquid water at 1000C if the pressure is high

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Doner kebabs: Death wrapped in pitta bread

twat
Black Helicopters

re:chilli anus

Have you tasted a chilli anus? No, on second thoughts don't answer that

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2TB drives arrive down under

twat
Coat

Sorry misread it

3Gb/s is equivalent to 300 MB/s. I stand corrected.

Mines the one made of sackcloth and covered in ashes

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twat

Fast SATA

The WD20EADS is a 3.5-inch, 4-platter unit spinning at 7,200rpm with a 3Gbit/s SATA interface and a 32MB cache.

I DON'T THINK SO!!

Try a 3 MB/s SATA interface

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Goat hangs self in Canadian zoo

twat
Coat

sorry misread it

I thought it was coat hangs itself, that would be useful

Mines the self-hanging coat

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Cows can't detect earthquakes: Official

twat

yes they can

I am sure they would detect an earthquake if a cowshed fell on them.

They stand in a field where nothing can fall on them. What do you expect them to do? Phone their friends on their moobile phones.(Sorry)

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Forget Google rationing: Only lighting farts can save the planet

twat
Alert

Its not mammals that are the worst

Insects are the biggest creator of methane. OK one ant fart is tiny but there are billions of them compared to the number of mammals.

SAVE GAS - FART IN A BOTTLE

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UK scientists hit by lack of brains

twat

A pint of Brains?

"A pint of Brains please, barman". Of course I mean Brains SA available in hostelleries in South Wales.

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Columbia disaster 'not survivable', NASA concludes

twat

Its not the fall that kills you

Stating that ground impact would be be the ultimate cause of death is obvious. in a fall from a great hight it's not the fall that kills you, it is hitting the ground at the end that does it

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Boffin brings 'write once, run anywhere' to Cisco hijacks

twat

Agree with AC

Until Cisco provide updates free like every other company does nobody can update thier IOS. I update my HP switches because I can download the updates easily.

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Profs: Eating Belgian truffles will make you buy a Mac

twat
Paris Hilton

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

Eating one belgian chocolate will turn me into a girl? I'd better go out and pick a dress from M & S now then. I've just eaten half a box full.

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Vote now for your worst net neologism

twat
Paris Hilton

I vote for pr0n

Pr0n is for people who can't spell (probably can't read either, they just look at the pictures)

Paris - obviously

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Mixed reviews for semen-based recipe book

twat

Bush tucker trial!

This must be on the menu for the next I'm a Twat Get Me Out of Here!

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Vista SP2 to land in April 2009-ish?

twat
Paris Hilton

Quality?

"The launch of SP2 will depend on quality"

So it'll never launch then.

Paris, because she launched 1000 ships, but even she would not launch this shite

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Anal whitening biz drops one million clams for Vibrators.com

twat
Coat

Stealth farts

If there are no "beneficiaries" why bother to fart at all?

The only use I can see for this fart filter is for astronauts wearing space suits!

Mines the one with the filter in the vent.

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Endeavour launch heralds new dawn for piss-drinking

twat
Unhappy

Already had some

I had some in the pub last night. It said pils on the bottle, but I think that must be a mis-spelling.

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Vintage IBM tape drive in Apollo moon dust rescue

twat

IBM could but...

IBM could build a new tape drive from the old blueprints. The trouble is they were scanned and saved to IBM tapes. So they need to build a tape drive to read the data on how to build a tape drive...ad infinitum. Should have used paper tape at least you can read that by eye.

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Mankind to detect alien life 'by 2025'

twat

just don't tell the Church

I think it was Asimov who said that if we ever detect alien life all religeons would cease to exist. Man was made in Gods image so in whose image were aliens made?

Sorry I forgot, according to Star Trek all aliens look exactly like man and speak english.

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Microsoft retires Windows 3.11 on 18th birthday

twat

Double space drive space

actually I think you meen MS-DOS 6.0, 6.2 was the interim version with no disk compression.

(Shows that I'm a sad git that remembers these things)

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twat

How much for a CD?

How much would someone offer for an OEM CD with Mess-DOS 6.22 and WfW3.11? Or should I just put it in the plastics recycling bin?

Twat Dangler

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Supersonic bizjets could have windowless flight decks

twat
Dead Vulture

Not microsoft

I hope the software isnt written by microsoft. It would give new meaning to the blue screen of death

Tombstone for obvious reasons

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Next Windows name unveiled: Windows 7

twat
Linux

People forget...

That Windows 1 to ME were not Operating Systems, they were GUIs. Therefore NT was the first Windows OS and the new one will be 7. Easy enough really.

Twat Dangler

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BOFH: The Mandelboat virus

twat

Been there-done that

One of the most essential job requirements of a systems admin is to be able to cover their tracks when they make a cock-up. Some years ago when repairing a crashed Netware server I accidently trashed the email router PC. After fixing the server I waited for the first user to say "The email is not working". So I came up with the explanation that when the server crashed it corrupted the email router.

No-one ever suspected the truth.

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HP inching away from Vista's bad rep?

twat

Delux

I've got a good name for Dell's new Linux, Delux. Do you think I should patent the name and sell it to them?

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Right: Which one of you lot invented 'tw*tdangle', eh?

twat

Twasnt me

But I thought Id register this user id before someone else go there first

Twat Dangler

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