* Posts by David Lawrence

162 posts • joined 19 Sep 2008

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Intel's Compute Sticks stick it to Windows To Go, Chromecast

David Lawrence

oh deary me

When will people learn the difference bewteen "it's" and "its"?

I got it when I was ten. The author of this article either doesn't understand, or can't be arsed.

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A magic bracelet that unlocks PCs, dancing robot spiders, and more in Intel's circus

David Lawrence

Re: Do you want chipzilla with that?

Relax! I saw in the article that Tango was also available..... :-)

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Record-breaking $502m in sales, BIG LOSSES – OF COURSE IT'S TWITTER

David Lawrence

Pointless

That's what Twitter is. No longer content with one or two posts per day on FuckWitBook, the most seriously mentally-deranged nutters with their over-inflated egos think they have something important to say on a minute-by-minute basis, and the thing they need to say is so important it absolutely HAS to be shared with the even sadder pathetic shambling apologies for people who have nothing better to do than 'follow' them.

The sooner that utterly useless 'business' implodes the better although I fear the fallout when all those sad sacks have to find something else to fill the gaping void in their miserable, vacuous existences. I guess most of them will buy droids and start flying them near aeroplanes and helicopters instead.

A little piece of me died when I discovered that I can now contact TV companies, banks and building societies by Twitter. To make matters worse my employers are considering that option too. Oh the horrors.

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Keep your stupid drones away from piloted aircraft, rages CAA

David Lawrence

Have they still not.....

...banned them yet? Not long now if this brainless f*ckwitted behaviour keeps up. And then the world will be a nicer place again, but the brainless f*ckwits will have to find some other useless gadget to splurge their cash on instead. Sigh.

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Google robo-car in rear-end smash – but cack-handed human blamed

David Lawrence

Was the driver of the other car......

....distracted by using their mobile phone to update their status on FuckWitBook? "OMG guess what's in front of me?? Only one of them freakin Goog................" <message ends>

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Adobe: We REALLY are taking Flash security seriously – honest

David Lawrence

Moore's law?

Every update to Flash that I get told to download always addresses two issues:-

It improves performance (apparently)

It makes it more secure (allegedly).

I have just invented Moore's law for Flash...... "evey year Flash gets twice as fast and four times more secure than the previous year". Yes I believe it! Any day now it will be so fast it will start launching animations before I have so much as thought about clicking my mouse, and it will stop hackers from even thinking about developing new ways to steal my money.

Mmmmm. Nice!

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Don't panic. Stupid smart meters are still 50 YEARS away

David Lawrence

Re: Auto Switching@ CaptainHook

Most eloquently put, Mr Ledswinger and an upvote from me.

You quite rightly highlight exactly how complex the underlying energy market actually is, and a very small number of people appreciate that. It's really easy to make cheap jibes at energy companies (even politicians do it, so that just shows you how easy it is) but it is far harder to understand and appreciate what truth lies beneath the surface. As you say, energy suppliers actually make a very small profit and take a daily kicking from press, public and politicians. I predict that it won't be long before a few of the 'big six' make a strategic exit from the supply business because it has become such a toxic mess thanks to constant, bungling government interference in a failed structure that was actually created by a Labour government, to give the gullible public the impression there was a free market with genuine competition.

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Hi! You've reached TeslaCrypt ransomware customer support. How may we fleece you?

David Lawrence
Go

Appliance/Car analogies

I do like the "people treat a PC like a car" analogy - it's excellent, so let's stick with it.... most (but not all, apparently) of the people who get infected with this particular malware are doing the equivalent of driving a car at 120mph, without having passed a test, with no seat belt, and whilst tweeting/texting/posting a witty remark (with emoticons) on FuckwitBook. And then they act all dismayed when they crash and hurt themselves.

Don't get me wrong - I will always do my level best to help them (if I can) but like I said earlier I struggle to ermpathise. Must be my particular combination of Tourettes and Autism I guess!

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David Lawrence

How

Upvote for Boris - well said. This is the 21st century so we should be able to track them down.

It's not totally clear how Cryptolocker gets onto one's computer in the first place..... is it....a) User gets clever 'social engineering' email and foolishly clicks on a link it contains or b) User is browsing really dodgy, NSFW sites which they know darned well they shouldn't be looking at, and picks up a nasty infection dropped onto an unprotected PC which doesn't have all the latest updates installed or c) User is illegally downloading free warez because they don't want to pay for their software, and download somethign with a nasty payload in it.

I know I will get downvotes for this but either way they must be mouth-breathing knuckle-draggers who need to try harder so it is quite difficult to empathise.

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Open source power-up on the way for arcade game emulator MAME

David Lawrence

Re: Would love

I couldn't agree more!! made my own 'arcade coffer table' using an old LCD, PC motherboard etc etc plus some nice joysticks and buttons but I'm no programmer and it all boots up to Windows, then starts MAME which has to be operated with a keyboard/mouse until you choose the game you want to play. I wish I was clever enough to put a nice GUI on it but wouldn't know where to start :-(

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Choc Factory finds 84,000 ad injectors targeting Chrome

David Lawrence
FAIL

Too little, too late

I have given up with Chrome. I get asked to clean a lot of PCs and laptops which have accumulated all manner of malware and adware. By far the hardest things to get rid of are these Chrome 'extensions'. They avoid all detection by popular scanners such as Malwarebytes and Super Anti Spyware. They don't show when I run 'Hijack This'. They don't use the Windows Task Scheduler. No anti-virus product detects them. They even survive manual registry editing. They seem unaffected by all the guidance to "re-set eveything" in Chrome, and if you remove them via the GUI in Chrome itself they just re-appear next time Chrome is launched. Simple solution? Un-install Chrome and use a better browser. Plenty of choice out there now. Never go back to Chrome under any circumstances. Easy!

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Man hauled before beak for using drone to film Premiership matches

David Lawrence

Ban them.

Just another over-priced toy for over-paid twerps. They go into the same bin as mini motos, jet skis, GoPro cameras on bicycles, sports cars, iPhones, iPads etc etc.

Some children really do never grow up, and manufacturers never went broke over-estimating the stupidity of the buying public.

Ban them all I say and a blight of smallpox on all who make them and all who buy them.

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So long, Lenovo, and no thanks for all the super-creepy Superfish

David Lawrence

I won't be buying Lenovo or ASUS.....

My wife's lovely touch-screen ASUS laptop has just failed yet again. It's the third time since she bought it WAAAAAY back in October 2013. Since then it's had a new hard drive and then a complete replacement motherboard....... which appears to have packed up just 4 months later. Appalling, and now out of warranty too. Never again. Four hundred smackers down the drain after just 16 months. I wouldn't mind but it's had very light use and has never been dropped or abused in any way. Piss poor.

Because I like to fix PCs and Laptops, someone brought me yet another ASUS laptop last year and that too had total motherboard failure just a couple of months after the warranty expired. I'm still scanning Ebay in the vain hope that I can buy a cheap donor machine but no luck yet.

I've seen way too many Dell and HP machines with motherboard failure (mostly to do with Nvidia GPUs I hasten to add).

Looks like I won't be considering a Lenovo replacement as they appear to have just decided they don't much care for the home consumer marketplace with their rather unfortunate strategy.

From experience Toshiba make the most reliable machines, but even those have suffered from failed power supply sockets..... a cheap part but a pain in the ass to replace. A severe case of penny-pinching when you consider how much punishment they take. Someone else used the term "race to the bottom" in their posting..... it would appear to be true, sadly.

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Your hard drives were RIDDLED with NSA SPYWARE for YEARS

David Lawrence
Joke

Fanny infection?

Hello? Helpdesk? Yes I think I have a Fanny infection on my computer..... Napoleon Solo tells me it was probably the work of Thrush..........!!!

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Top smut site Flashes visitors, leaves behind nasty virus

David Lawrence
Headmaster

Re: We at least the UK laws are thinking of the Children...

My congratulations, sir, for the highest defect density I have seen in a posting for some while. Considering the relatively small number of words used, you have surpassed the usual levels attained by the regular clientele of this website.

Awesome job. I assume you work in journalism, like a previous responder who doesn't understand the difference between "its" and "it's".

Double fail.

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Apple CEO Tim Cook: My well-known gayness is 'a gift from GOD'

David Lawrence

God?????

He things his 'gift' comes from 'God'? He believes in the great sky fairy? Now that bit does worry me. If he's at all religious he would hopefully see the conflict between that and being in charge of one of the most ethically unsound companies on the planet. Not even the slightest hint of conflict there?

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Sway: Microsoft's new Office app doesn't have an Undo function

David Lawrence

OMG

...I just felt a little bit of vomit in my mouth from reading Microsoft's description of this new cack. I think it was also caused by the nauseating aroma of bullshit that also emanated from my computer screen.

I love the way that they say 'Sway is an exciting way of creating Sways which are really exciting'. Awesome. Their Marketing department needs a pat on the back for that.

Must go now..... where's my bucket!!!???

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Son of Hudl: Tesco flogs new Atom-powered 8.3-inch Android tablet

David Lawrence

What if the screen gets broken?

A major issue (IMHO) with the current HUDL is that you can't get the parts to replace a broken screen. My nephew dropped his, and the screen cracked. He was gutted as it left a sharp edge, meaning it was dangerous to use. Uncle Dave has further disappointed him because he can't find replacement parts anywhere. My latest idea is to buy another HUDL on ebay with a decent screen but with other issues (eg the "usb port bust so won't charge any more" one that also blights these units) and to create one working unit out of the two broken ones. I'm not looking forward to it though as the screen appears to be very strongly bonded into the case and it would probably be very easy to break the good screen while trying to remove it.

I won't be recommending that new model to anyone until I hear that you can replace a cracked screen with ease. Saving the planet requires that. A cracked screen should not result in having to throw the tablet away!

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Microsoft WINDOWS 10: Seven ATE Nine. Or Eight did really

David Lawrence

Re: Yaaaaawn

Grammar Pedant Alert

Why sir I do think you mean "At its height.....". IT'S = contraction of "IT IS". That is all.

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David Lawrence

Re: Yaaaaawn

Grammar/Spelling Pedant Alert.....

Loose = slack, spare eg "He's playing fast and loose"

Lose = opposite of 'gain' - get beaten in a game, mislay something etc etc.

Looser = something that is relatively slacker (such as your ability to speeka de lingo)

Loser = someone who didn't pay attention during english/spelling lessons at age 9 and still posts stuff with basic errors in it.

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Man, its smartphones are SQUARE. But will BlackBerry make a comeback with them?

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Rejoice, Windows fans: Stable 64-bit Chromium drops for Win 7 and 8

David Lawrence

I just want a stable version!!!!

Forget the 64-bit thing - I just want a version that's stable! Mine crashes on a regular basis (always something to do with Shockwave Flash according to the error message) after which it hangs, sulks, doesn't respond to me clicking the 'kill page' button and generally causes much wailing and gnashing of gums.

Sometimes it takes 40-50 seconds to launch, again for no apparent reason. Other times it launches then goes into a sulk when I try and do something useful.

I think I may go back to Firefox..... or maybe IE....!

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Samsung faces down TAB and smartphone MOUNTAIN HORROR

David Lawrence

I ain't buying

...another Samsung device. For one they look nice but are over-priced. Perhaps it's an attempt to copy Apple's model - who knows?

I had the original Galaxy S phone. Worked great at first but got slower and slower as the software got more and more bloated. I got rid of it when it was virtually unusable for even the basics such as sending an SMS, taking a photo of browsing the web.

I upgraded to a Galaxy S3. Nice and fast at first.... now guess what? It's gone all slow, just like the old one. That seemed to co-incide with the S5 coming out. Coincidence? Possibly but I suspect not.

It seems to keep downloading updates (at my expense) when I thought I had switched all that off. They seem to be mostly to do with SamsungApps (not interested, thanks) and a Samsung Account (what I want that for I have no idea).

On top of that the PC Software (Kies) is a nasty, buggy resource-hogger. It was forever downloading massive updates which seemed mostly to be bug-fixes. It was touch and go as to whether it could successfully communicate with my phone when I connected it, and it kept nagging me that a new firmware update was available - when I had already applied it! Awful thing - it had to go and good riddance.

My next phone will have a nice,fast CPU and a skinny OS and I will use apps to get the extra functionality I want, thanks very much.

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Adam Afriyie MP: Smart meters are NOT so smart

David Lawrence

Re: Here's an idea. (Human power)

I would just like to point out a few home truths to Mr Paul and other haters, who probably hate 'greedy suppliers' in the same way that they are programmed to hate other large establishments that the Daily Mail tells them to hate.

And here are the facts....

1. The Suppliers operate to smaller profit margins than most other 'service providers' including your mobile phone network provider. It's around 4 or 5 per cent. Not a great deal really for the huge risks and responsibilities they face.

2. SMART metering is a government mandate, not some get-rich-scheme concocted by the suppliers.

3. Yes it does mean the end for traditional meter readers however the new meters are more sophisticated, and therefore they will break more frequently. Suppliers still have an obligation to visit and inspect on a regular basis so the workforce reduction will not be as great as you may think, and other costs (eg network, equipment, infrastructure) will actually be far higher.

I personally think that SMART meters are a bad idea as they only really deliver.....]

1. Real time information to tell you where your money is being burned (when you actually cannot do very much about a large proportion of that, unless you want to fit solar panels).

2. An end to estimated bills.

The former can be addressed with a much cheaper, simpler device which simply clamps around the main power cable going into the meter.

The latter is a total non-problem unless you are so lazy you can't be arsed to even provide a meter reading when you move house, in which case you get what you deserve. Most (not all, admittedly) people pay by monthly instalments which are worked out based on annual consumption, so who gives a monkey's about estimated bills anyway? Eveyone has the absolute right to alter their DD payments if they can provide evidence that they are not consuming as much energy as their Supplier thinks. Of course, if they are wrong they will have to face the consequences of that mistake - which may be a lump-sum payment demand if they switch supplier.

Other people on here like the idea of real-time supplier switching..... sure, great idea but it ruins the concept of payment by monthly DD. If you want that then you will also probably have to accept a future where all Suppliers run like mobile phone providers on a 'pay as you go' type arrangement... you know - pay first then get the energy to consume. As someone else already pointed out "be careful what you wish for".

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Dating app Tinder faces sexual harassment suit from ex-exec co-founder

David Lawrence

How can anyone sue an 'app'?

I know I am being finicky here and splitting hairs to some extent but I find it both intersting and confusing to note that both El Reg and the BBC both reported this story in the same way - namely that someone was suing an app. In fact the Beeb's headline was open to further interpretation as one might have assumed that the plaintiff had actually been harassed BY the app. That made my brain flip when I also read that she was an ex-employee of the firm, and had had some kind of relationship with one of the founders.

Why on earth would you refer to the COMPANY or ONE OF THE INDIVUALS IN THE COMPANY as an 'app'? That's terribly inaccurate and, at best, a very confusing thing to do.

Phew. I feel better now - I'm just off to sue Sim City - not the publishers, but the ACTUAL FRIGGIN GAME ITSELF. Yep. After that it's Angry Birds.

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50+ crowd are wolfing down tablets: Silver foxes are even migrating to the Twitters

David Lawrence

No surprise really

At 55 I'm no spring chicken and have worked in IT for 32 years. I have helped a significant number of older friends/relatives/friends-of-friends to get online over a good number of years. The one thing they have all struggled with is the complexity of your average PC or laptop. The 56k dialup days were the worst, but things have improved a lot since then. They have all felt uncomfortable moving from Windows XP to newer versions, and I think none of them would find it easy to grasp Windows 8's split personality.

Suddenly, with the advent of cheap and fast tablets, they are all realising it is what they wanted all along - simple browsing, email and the like. So one by one they are abandoning their old PCs and laptops. Unfortunately for me they assume I will take them as some kind of reward/payment for my training sessions when more often than not they are so old they have to go straight to the local tip!

Pentium four with a CD re-writer, XP Home, 120GB HDD and 512mb RAM anyone? One careful owner from new!

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Is this photo PROOF a Windows 7 Start Menu is coming back?

David Lawrence

Yes it will be a success!!

....as much of a success as OS/2 Warp, which I think, deperately tried to support both Windows and OS/2 applications on the same desktop. Mmmmm yes that went so swimingly well.

As an ex-IBMer who remembers those days very well, it is indeed pleasing to see Microshaft suffering from the same astounding lack of understanding of what the consumer really wants.

Keep guessing, Microshaft - I wonder how many tries it will take you to get it right. Don't think about talking to real users. Keep spewing out those dreadful ads which tell us we are really stupid and stubborn and that "honestly it has a familiar desktop". It doesn't. Fact.

If it did, why are so many major vendors bundling their own 'start button' apps on their laptops these days?

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Fujitsu launches lappie for oldies

David Lawrence

the only problem......

.... is that they won't have a CLUE how to do ANYTHING with it, once it boots up and the full horror of Windows 8.1 unveils itself ..... like a geriatric stripper with bedsores!

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Thousands! of! Yahoo! Mail! users! driven! crazy! by! revamp!

David Lawrence

Doesn't work properly on my Motorola Xoom

The app updated itself without even asking me if I wanted it to. Then I got asked to select a theme, which I did. Now it takes quite a while to start, then I get to see my inbox. Progress of sorts I guess, however it doesn't seem to matter which email I select from my inbox, all I see on the right side is a little spinny icon going round and round. It still seems to be running (ie it responds to the touch and exits cleanly) but my emails simply won't open.

I have gone back to the web-based version in disgust. I won't be using the app until I know it is out of mass-beta-testing and shows signs of functioning.

Bit crap really but it's free so my expectations are low.

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Wait, don't ditch that IT career just yet: UK vacancies hit 5-year high

David Lawrence
Headmaster

Grammar pedant alert

Oh joy it's my favourite howler again - one of the easiest to avoid in my opinion.

The egregious tract is as follows:-

<<Meanwhile, Scotland has been making it’s name as a technology start-up capital>>

IT'S is a contraction of "IT IS". When you substitute "IT IS" in the above sentence it makes no sense whatsoever. Therefore the correct word must be ITS, which is the posessive - ie something that belongs to an 'IT'.

I wonder who committed it - the "spokeswoman from CWJobs" or the author of this article. The latter I assume. See me afterwards.

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MYSTERY of Guardian mobos and graphics cards which 'held Snowden files'

David Lawrence

Clever or stupid?

Clever?......

Someone is pulling the wool over someone's eyes here. I just can't tell who is the wool-puller and who now has obscured vision. Unfortunately I fear we will never actually find out and thus we may well end up being the only ones with an unclear view of things!

Stupid?......

IT 'experts' grinding chips off mobos and graphics cards in front of security 'experts'? Futile, pointless, wasteful and totally unnecessary as anyone with a tiny amount of IT knowledge can tell you such things cannot possibly hold any data once the power is cut.

One can only ponder over which this was.

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IBM committed 'ethical transgressions' to win botched project

David Lawrence
Headmaster

Apostrophe crime sighted....

And it's my favourite, which was explained to me when I was about 12 and somehow still remember 42 years later........

" Here's how Commissioner Richard N Chesterman describes it's work: "

The word "it's" is a contraction of "it is". In the context of the sentence above that makes no sense. Therefore it must be the word "its" which is the posessive - something belongin to "it" which I believe to be most apposite in this case.

Simple rule really.

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Acer Iconia W3: The first 8-inch Windows 8 Pro tablet

David Lawrence

I think Acer might be onto something here....

yes I can see it now.... small screen, fiddly keyboard, under-powered processor, awkward controls, nasty bundle of unwanted stuff, poor internet, limited connectivity, clumsy design..... cheap Windows Netbook anyone?

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T-Mobile to let US customers swap phones twice a year

David Lawrence

There goes the planet

Oh joy. Another provider caters for the most vacuous of the vacuous; the vainest of the vain, who are so short on attention span that they simply must have the latest 'must have' shiny thing within milliseconds of it being announced simply because it's so fashionable darling.

So now mobile phones are falling into the 'disposable commodity' category instead of being functional and useful, with a life-span that only ends when they are beyond repair or are genuinely based on redundant technology.

I give up. I'm going to launch my 'perpetual pet' company where you can have a puppy or a kitten which you simply return for a replacement every six months, so they stay forever cute and cuddly. Just don't ask what we do with the old ones..... but we will have some behind-the-scenes deals with glue facories, pie shops, luxury coat and handbag manufacurers etc etc. What the hell - give the consumer exactly what they want, regardless of the true cost!!!!

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Apple 'iWatch' trademark filing hints Cook's make-or-break moment looms

David Lawrence
Devil

Too late!!!

....I already got in first with my patent for a 'square thing with rounded corners and icons on the screen'. My final stroke of genius was adding the bit about it 'having a strap made of any kind of material, which attaches the device to the wearer's wrist'.

Mwahahahahaha soon all their revenuze are belong to me!!!!!!!!! Well it worked for Apple when they attached Samsung so it should work for me too......

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Reg hack prepares to live off wondergloop Soylent

David Lawrence
Happy

Has anyone thought about roughage?

....err won't this make one rather constipated? I'm no expert on the human digestive system but I thought we needed plenty of roughage to 'help things through'. That looks like a gloopy milkshake to me. Has this been thought through? Will one need extra assistance or will it be quite the opposite? No doubt our intrepid reporter will keep us informed about his movements.......!

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The toy of tech: The Mattel Aquarius 30 years on

David Lawrence
Meh

Same mistake, over and over

They never seemed to learn back then..... or do they still do the same thing now?

Step 1 - make loads of promises of something 'coming very soon'

Step 2 - keep slipping the date but reminding us why it will be so great when it finally arrives.

Step 3 - keep changing the spec (in a retrograde way) as reality and practicality start to bite

Step 4 - release something badly cobbled together (but remind us how great it is) but AT THE SAME TIME (or a few days earlier) announce the follow-on product and tell us how much greater that will be when it comes out in a few months' time.

Step 5 go to 1

Sound familiar at all......................? I am now 54 years old. I've been a games/consoles/computers/gadgets geek since I was about fourteen but that same formula still keeps being churned out. How gullible we must be!

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PC market facing worst-ever slump in 2013

David Lawrence
Meh

I think it's a complex and lethal combination of factors.

There is no one specific culprit if you ask me, so I am going to combine the best bits of other people's posts to create my own. For me the main one is that we are reaching a saturation point where everyone that wants/needs a computer has one. People no longer get a new one until their old one breaks.

The economic downturn hasn't helped so now because of belt-tightening and less disposable income we simply cannot justify that impulse purchase any more when our existing device stil works OK.

Also the technology has peaked - we how have powerful, fast multi-core processors, loads of RAM and large hard drives. Most come computers and laptops are way too highly specced when you consider their main use. I know plenty of people with powerful graphics capability in their PC or laptop and yet they don't play a single game. So may people browsing pr0n and watching kitteh videoz on multi-core powerhouses.

Then we have the tablet effect - a lot of non-technical users are so happy not to get into the nuts and bolts of the hardware and the OS; they just press the button and it works just like the TV and the microwave. Once they have a tablet they realise it's all they ever really needed and they won't go back to a PC, even if it has nice simple colourful squares of stuff on the main screen. It takes about 5 seconds to realise that it's the same old Windows underneath, with drivers, patches, BSODs etc etc.

Finally we have new versions of Windows that don't need a massive hardware upgrade to run. No longer a compelling need to replace or upgrade when a new OS comes out.

Until we the next big technology jump (and who knows what that might be..... the wearable computer?) things are in stasis because of the above factors.

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Combover King Donald Trump: 'I miss Steve Jobs'

David Lawrence
Devil

I too miss Steve Jobs....

...for all the wrong reasons.

I think it would have been nice to see him eat his words as sales of smaller ("dead on arrival") tablets continue to increase, along with Samsung's share of the tablet and mobile phone market place.

Go on.....vote me down.... you know you want to!

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UK's dead monster iPad gumble-maker COMES BACK TO LIFE

David Lawrence
Thumb Down

Oh no!!

Where am I going to buy my tacky 'Angry Birds' tat now? What's that.....? ebay? oh that's OK then.

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Human rights groups rally humanity against killer robots

David Lawrence
WTF?

If I had the choice.....

....I'd prefer to be killed by a human being every time. Oh yes none of that robotic killing for me. I just love that human touch associated with a fleshy-but-lean, mean, killing person-machine. Trained in indiscriminate murder and over-zealous, racist, xenophobic extermination techniques. So much nicer every time than being murdered by a drone or a robot of some kind.

Oh yes, for the discering dead person, the distinction is really important.

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Not Cool, man: Potent new hacking toolkit costs crooks $10k a month

David Lawrence
Unhappy

Is any computer safe......?

This is very worrying and depressing. Does this stuff work on ANY platform? If the answer is no, which platforms are safe? What about my android tablet using the Dolphin browser? What about that cute little 'android on a stick' gadget I've just bought and plugged into my TV? More than ever before this stuff has got me seriously considering a machine with no hard drive and a Linux variant booting live from a DVD...... sure, it's slow to boot up but just try infecting that!

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Windows 8: At least it's better than ‘not very good’

David Lawrence
Mushroom

@Sean Tomato Buggerme

You are a geek, potentially with Asperger's or similar. Your patience for other, normal human beings is non-existent and you fail to accept that GUIs were principally invented to make things easier for normal humans. Now be a good boy, put your Red Bull down, stop eating those crisps, step outside and have a look. That yellow thing in the sky is called 'The Sun'. Try and get more of it. Tell Mum and Dad you are off out somewhere, and try to spend less time hating people who are clearly inferior to you with your clever keypress combos and command line shennanigans. I have used various computers with different GUIs for a very long time (Atari, Amiga, PC, Archimedes, etc) and still believe that shortcuts like that should not be necessary. It's OK anyway I have created shortcuts on the desktop for the most useful stuff but still feel that shouldn't be necessary and I'm fu**ed if I'm going to try remembering those keyboard shortcuts, so there. Troll.

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David Lawrence
Thumb Down

Mixed Feelings

I recently set up a shiny new Win8 laptop for two OAPs who were used to XP on an old desktop machine.

For them TIFKAM gives them easy access to everyting they need. It sure as hell got in the way of what I needed to do though. How are you supposed to get into the Control Panel or 'My Computer'? The biggest embarrassment came when we inserted a CD that had some simple card games on it. A message appeared for about three seconds that said "click here for more options" but it disappeared before OAP#1 got the mouse pointer onto it. I then struggled for ages to find out how to 'explore' the disk before giving up, ejecting it and then re-inserting it. That did not inspire them with confidence that I knew what I was doing.

My assessment.....some tricky things have been made simpler, but a shedload of simple things have been made trickier. I was very impressed when I enabled the wireless option on their printer, entered their password and and by the time I turned back to the laptop it had found it and installed the drivers without me having to do anything.

Would I buy it? Not as an upgrade. I love Windows 7 too much now. Would I buy a laptop with it pre-installed? Possibly, but only if it was cheap and had a touch screen.

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Patrick Moore: Lived with cats, accompanied Einstein on the piano

David Lawrence
Meh

He hated utility companies and their bills

....and took great delight in sending cheques, late, unsigned, and stapled 50 times to the remittance slip, under the bit that said "do not write below this line".

You might smirk but, having consumed the service in question (he hated phone bills in particular) he was then reluctant to pay for it. Ha ha yes very funny but the net effect of such behaviour is to increase the 'cost to recover' for each utility company and guess what happens then? yes, they increase their prices. For someone so smart he didn't really do the maths there.

How do I know? I used to work for 'Post Office Telephones' back in the day and they expeded huge amounts of resource just to appease him and entice him to pay.

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Where were the bullet holes on OS/2's corpse? Its head ... or foot?

David Lawrence
Happy

Ahhh.... happy days!

I worked for IBM, at their Portsmouth HQ in the 80s. I had nothing to do with OS/2 (I was a mainframe COBOL man) but I was swept along with it all..... demos, shows etc. I was there when we were all told to claim our free version of OS/2 Warp (presumably in an attempt to get some kind of 'halo effect' going, where friends and family would see it, like it and buy it too). I got mine (loads of floppy disks) but it would not install on my (non-IBM) PC. My manager was escorted off the premises when he announced he had taken a job at Microsoft. It struck me that IBM went after the corporate market with OS/2 while M$ went after the home market with Windows, although I am sure it was much more complicated than that. I was also there when they hit the buffers financially..... not a pleasant time. I got farmed out to work at client sites on money-spinning contracts. It taught me all I needed to know to become a contractor myself! I wonder how my frozen pension is doing these days...... sigh...!

0
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Oprah Winfrey too late to save Microsoft's Windows 8

David Lawrence
FAIL

First impressions were not great

Last week I went to a friend's house to install a new router and to re-build a home network consisting of multiple PCs, an Xbox, an FTP Server, two NAS boxes and a few other bits and pieces. One laptop had Windows 8 on it. I was not impressed. I couldn't make head or tail of the cartoon interface and when I made that go away (with some wierd mouse swipe to the upper right corner of the screen) I found a desktop with no START button!!!! Getting into the Control Panel, tweaking Network Settings, trying to view other devices on the Network.... all turned from something easy to do into something that was really hard. I admit I was fumbling my way around, running searches to find the utilities and wizards I needed. I got there in the end but I for one won't be buying, nor will I be recommending it to all the people who acll on me for unofficial technical support!

8
2

Forstall ousted from Apple after refusing to apologise for Maps

David Lawrence
Trollface

Can he find his way out of the building?

Ah yes I can just picture the conversation now......

"you're fired, Mr Forstall. There's the door - over there..... no, left a bit..... right a bit...... if you're using our latest Maps software you'll find it's the grey blob adjacent to the yellow blob that we think repesents this building although we can't acutally be sure as it may well represent an entire suburb......"

14
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German court turkey-slaps Motorola in patent case

David Lawrence
Devil

Wow......

...the more you pay, the more severe the penalties? Why stop at forcing Motorola to destroy the offending tablets when, for a few million more you can request the senior executives to chop off their little fingers at the knuckle? I heard that, for another 50 million we can insisit on the CEO committing hara-kiri while for just 100 million Apple employees can eat the Motorola Management Board's first-born children in front of them with a nice crisp salad.

5
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South Korea bans Apple's AND Samsung's ageing phones, tabs

David Lawrence
Coat

So in the end.......

....both firms won (it's the currency.... geddit??)

Mine's the one with the Google Nexus in the pocket.........

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